Commit One

Will, Mike, and Sam may just be at each others' throats before this is over. The Trilogy of Torture continues for the Commit One crew as they dive into what they consider to be the "best" of the Jeepers Creepers trilogy with the 2003 sequel Jeepers Creepers 2. Featuring the returning Jonathan Breck as the Creeper as well as Ray Wise as a defiant farmer this sequel that was also written and directed by Victor Salva of the first film, throws away the boring slow burn of the first installment in favor of a Creeper that is on his last day of feeding before hibernating for another 23 years by terrorizing a busload of high school basketball players and cheerleaders. While it still has a campy plot, forgettable characters, and poor decisions by these same characters, it is still decent horror fun despite what critics may believe. For the Commit One crew, it is only just a nice cleanser before they continue their marathon with the final installment, although the stress is already getting to them. So, enjoy this review as you hear the crew break down the sequel while also witnessing their fatigued minds breaking down. 

This....is going to be painful. Will, Mike, and Sam take on a challenge to their sanity in their first-ever Trilogy of Torture where they will look at three films with a common thread (director, actor, or series). This time, it's the Jeepers Creepers trilogy as the crew takes on the first film in this episode. Starring Justin Long, Gina Philips, and Jonathan Breck as The Creeper, the 2001 film has everything from a director with a highly questionable past to poor character decisions to a boring script to an underwhelming finale (where the originally scripted one sounded much better before budget cuts!). It's going to be a LONG discussion of this trilogy, but the Commit One crew is ready to take it on.

Even in three dimensions this movie is absolutely terrible. Will, Mike, and Sam dive in AGAIN into a creature feature and their fourth spider film (take a wild guess who's leading this one) with the 2013 film Spiders 3D. Starring Patrick Muldoon, who has previously appeared on this podcast in Ice Spiders, this is a film that actually starts out well with a promising first 20 minutes before going downhill fast with a convoluted plot, horrible acting, and even worse CGI with spiders having human facial features. When the Commit One crew at one point has to rely on an internet meme to find some kind of entertainment with this one, you know that it is bad.

If a 2019 film of the same name could win Best Picture, then this one would get the Golden Raspberry for being the worst. Will, Mike, and Sam dive into 80s B-movie cheese with the 1982 film Parasite. Directed by B-movie icon Charles Band (who is making his first appearance on the podcast but certainly won't be his last) and featuring Demi Moore in her first starring role, the film shows how NOT to do a dystopian-like film with poor, stilted acting, terrible fight sequences that even slow-motion cannot help, and a plot with more holes in it than Swiss cheese. Even though good practical effects at points save this from being Skeleton Man terrible, it is still so mind-numbing that the ending feels like a complete and utter letdown. There is no cure for this one as the Commit One crew looks at this true product of the 1980s that even Demi Moore herself says is the worst thing she had ever been in.

FINALLY.....The Rock has made his first appearance on the Commit One Movie Podcast! Will, Mike, and Sam take on yet another video game movie (it's all Will's fault!) but this time in space with the 2005 film Doom. Starring Dwayne Johnson (who was still being billed as The Rock at the time) and Karl Urban, this film takes one of the pioneers of the first person shooter video game genre and throws almost all of the excitement out of the window as well as the established story in favor of poor lighting (for atmosphere!), weak character development, a barely coherent plot, and slow pacing for a film based on a fast-paced video game series (though with at least one awesome scene). It's time to take a trip to Mars with the Commit One crew as they press start on this one.

When a former president has to come out of retirement just to bash your movie, you KNOW that you've done something wrong! Will, Mike, and Sam take a leap into history (well, wrong history at times but still history) with their first war movie in 1965's Battle of the Bulge. Starring Henry Fonda and Robert Shaw, the film presents what not to do when it comes to presenting certain times in history in sacrificing accuracy for "entertainment" in an overblown war epic. Long, boring, and just completely wrong all around ad the Commit One crew is here to (unfortunately) break it all down. 

Dude.....bro....did you bring the bug spray? Will, Mike, and Sam endure this "dude" dialogue and more poor decisions from people in authority in the 2007 creature feature Ice Spiders (wow, who picked this one??). Starring no one of note besides a small role for producer Stephen J. Cannell (and before you say "but what about Vanessa Williams?" Wrong one), this film shows what happens when you mess with nature and create giant spiders that can take the cold. Honestly, after so many creature disasters of humans messing with nature you would think someone would have learned by now! However, without these poor decisions, we would not have these bad movies with poor scripts, terrible CGI, and cringe-inducing dialogue that keeps this podcast going. So, bundle up with the Commit One crew as they get spun up in the web of this one.

Well, let me tell YOU something brother!....YOUR MOVIE STINKS!! Will, Mike, and Sam lay the smackdown on another film as Hulk Hogan makes his return to the podcast in his first starring role and the WWE's (then-World Wrestling Federation) first film with 1989's No Holds Barred. Also starring Kurt Fuller and Tiny "Zeus" Lister (which this film is where he received his nickname), the film is a very poor and cheesy attempt at bringing the wrestling world onto the big screen with some very odd results. A main character that presents zero character flaws, a flimsy script, so many clear laws broken with no police called, and even a finale where no one seems to care about health and safety, it actually really does represent the WWE in the 80s. With this also being WrestleMania weekend (and coincidentally Hogan co-hosting the event), it seemed like a perfect time for the Commit One crew to pin this one down.

Another Frankenstein movie....really? Who thought it was a good idea to try to make a comedy out of this and put Willy Wonka himself in the main role, while also putting it in black and white? Wait a minute....what are we saying??? APRIL FOOLS HATERS!! Will, Mike, and Sam have a little fun with their format in the spirit of April Fool's Day by looking at the Mel Brooks' classic 1974 film Young Frankenstein. Starring Gene Wilder, Peter Boyle, Marty Feldman, Teri Garr, Madeline Kahn, and Kenneth Mars in one of the finest casts put together, Brooks puts together a timeless classic in comedy (that still boasts a Certified Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes) with a plot that both honors the Universal films/novel and also creates its own identity for years to come while also giving many quotable lines and memorable scenes. It's a film that one can tell all involved had a lot of fun with and still holds up to this day. It is the Commit One's crew honor and privilege (not to mention relief to do a GREAT movie for a change) to cover this classic film.

Where's Hans Gruber when you need him....oh, right. Will, Mike, and Sam return to sequel territory as they witness Bruce Willis taken on Russian gang members (with none of the actors actually Russian) and the city of Moscow as John McClane in the 2013 film and fifth film in the Die Hard franchise, A Good Day to Die Hard. With the first original script specifically made to be a Die Hard film since the original classic and Jai Courtney as McClane's son Jack, the film is a fast-paced mess with a very thin plot in favor of action sequences (including a very long car chase sequence where McClane should have died or at least have some injury TWICE) that had to be crammed into a runtime of just over 90 minutes. This really embraces the phrase "turn off your brain and enjoy the stupid" as the viewer has to follow the poor script and inconsistencies, but the Commit One crew is ready (well almost all, Mike is doing this one under protest) to be "Russian" through this.