Commitment Phobe

On today's episode I share my own experience on breaking my pattern of always thinking about where I'll meet the one and how upsetting it was that I was single.  How was it possible that I was so happy with my life yet my thoughts always went back to-"why am I single?" and "I'm never going to meet someone" or, "I don't deserve to meet someone." I got curious around where these questions were coming from. Did I really desire/need someone or was it coming from a deeper place, the part of me that hadn't felt chosen since I was a little girl?  Tune in to listen to how I started relating to that part differently in order to experience more presence in my life and my relationship to dating and men. 

This is an episode I recorded in December where I talk about one of the nemesis of intimacy: pride. 

Sometimes the only thing keeping us from saying the vulnerable thing is being too prideful to admit something or share something that may make us look bad (according to our egos of course.) In this episode I share a short personal experience of how I confronted my own pride and how that's shown up in several relationships in my life.

On today's episode, Janira Martinez comes on to tell us the story of her life through the lense of intimacy and relationships. Growing up, Janira wasn't the relationship type, she was the “cool girl” that just wanted to keep it casual and acted like wasn’t phased by endings. Having been raised without a father present and a mom that told her to be careful with men and never trust them, Janira didn't really know what it meant to open her heart to men or be available for love.

Until one day, Janira felt deep inside her that something was off. The hook ups weren't doing it for her anymore. There was an emptiness inside her she suddenly became aware of. Tune in to listen to Janira's journey in: -Healing her relationship with the masculine/men. -Accessing her vulnerability and feelings. -Coming to the awareness that she WANTS committment and a romantic relationship. -How healing her relationship with her birth father was important to her healing -The role Janira sees of self-love in relationship and our ability tto receive love from others.

Janira Martinez is a Desire & Soul Coach and master of diving into the depths. Described as “a woman who not only talks-the-talk, but walks-the-walk -- with amazing grace and glory” her coaching lands in a way that can only be communicated by a true practitioner. Bringing together principles from Orgasmic Meditation, Somatic Psychology, spirituality, and life itself, Janira's mission is to guide powerful women back home to the magic of their bodies and the truth of their souls. For more about her work follow on IG @janira_martinez or visit her website janiramartinez.com

On this very juicy epiosde my guests are Ana Del Castillo and Ken Blackman, two beautiful humans and coaches come on the podcast today to share truths and golden nuggets of wisdom from their own relationship and how they help couples return to a place of love and connection when they're in the muck. 

Some themes we cover: -How to deal with dissapointment in relationship. -Why it's important to teach our significant other's how to love us and what we need. -What it means to hold high-regard for another and why it's so important to keep attraction and harmony alive in relationship -Why they believe sex actually gets BETTER with time.  -How Ana and Ken started dating and the way they dealt with Ana's financial instability challenges that could've threatened the relationship.  -Why they often meet clients that only get to to truly deeply know their significant others after YEARS.  -An unconventional view on foreplay. -"Men are spoiled and entitled in and out of the bedroom" and what to do about it! -Why we need to drop the narrative of being "too sensitive" and actually listen to our deepest emotional needs.  and so much more!!

Ana Del Castillo and Ken Blackman work together to help couples "seeing the actual human being they fell in love with rather than the idea they had of how that person should be." Together they help couples that are in the muck uncover the storylines that are blocking them from connection and help them connect to their love for each other again.  More individual info:

Ken Blackman, coach, speaker, educator, and author of the book, Powerful Woman, Confident Man: The New Art of Loving Passionately and Building a Resilient, Fulfilling Relationship. His life’s work is to guide couples through intimate human connection. Using truth, transparency, and compassion, he shows committed couples how to co-create a relationship that uniquely serves them.  Ana Del Castillo is a Rightness Expert and Certified Coach, and she works with people who have it all but consistently feel like there’s something wrong or feel dead and unsatisfied with their lives. Ana works with them to discover and own their inherent passion and rightness so they can feel vital and alive again.

This week I had a really eye-opening conversation with transformational coach and full-time dad Mark Guay about all the questions I've personally had and my clients have had about men and their relationship to their emotions.  Because of societal conditioning, childhood trauma and expectations, men in particular don't feel safe emoting and viscerally feeling an emotion, which is why Mark finds his work so important, in helping men reconnect to themselves What we talk about:

-How to build a productive relationship with our "loyal soldier" aka the mechansism we developed to survive as children that no longer serve us as adults. -The surprising problem that comes up when a man only opens up with his partner.  -Why Mark believes it's so important for men to have a group of men to open up to.  -Mark's personal journey from numbness to presence. -Why do some men think they need to be financially "there" before they get in a relationship? -How Mark works with men on understanding the edge of the expression of their anger. -How to set up boundaries in a leadership role at work and work with the need to "save the day."

Mark is a transformational coach, speaker, and full-time dad who lives in San Diego, CA. He helps high-powered men navigate the messiness of soul development. His talks and courses have reached over 1 million people worldwide.

Back in May 2022, I led a retreat for women about unleashing their sensuality and connecting womanhood and these women were TRANSFORMED in the sensual dancing class led by Sunshine. 

I HAD to get her on the podcast and talk to her about body positivity, sensuality, femininity and how she views pole dancing as a metaphor for life. 

As a woman who was always one of the boys, Sunshine never considered herself to feminine or sensual, and she speaks for many women including myself who didn't grow up feeling connected to the sensuality of their body. 

Enjoy this episode and I hope it inspires you!  

Casey has been a client of mine for 2 years and I've been so blown away from her growth that I had to have her on the podcast! Casey has such a unique love and hunger for life that is so contagious!

She was always a free spirit, but she often felt guilt for thinking about herself and expressing her joy instead of taking care of other people's feelings which left her feeling like a victim. She feared judgment and rejection and it would keep her from following her own desires. 

As a feeler and a lover, processing emotions during conflict, hard moments/decisions and endings has been an important part of her empowerment journey and what's helped her tune into her inner knowing. 

Tune in to listen to Casey talk about what helps her get through the hard times: -Casey share some tools that help her trust her inner knowing and that everything is always going to work out for her. -How she practices giving herself space and time to heal. -The importance of letting yourself be supported and receive support. -Following intuition as soon as it whispers to you to prevent further suffering. -Settling your nervous system and raising your vibration before you confront a trigger.

Today, Casey is in the relationship she always dreamed of, coaches kids' soccer, teaches English to women living in the US who want to get more respect in the workplace.

Claudia believes women can have it all. As a go-getter, free-spirited woman who got married at 37, Claudia was never going to have the cookie-cutter conventional wife and mother life.  She sees unhappy women sacrifice their joy and pleasure for the sake of their family and knew there was a different way. As a mother, Claudia puts herself first. She takes care of her pleasure, her desires, her purpose, and as a result she's seen how her happiness is mirrored in the happiness of her family and her son.  "You have to decide that it's possible to have the partnership and be the parents that you want to be."

No one has the right answers, but I love many perspective's Claudia has that most people aren't considering about taking care of your needs as a parent and how you can have the lifestyle you want WITH or WITHOUT a partner and kids.

Tune in to listen to Claudia's healing journey with her own parents, her challenges with freedom in relationship, the importance of conviction in your desires and her advice to mothers struggling with their self-care! Claudia Whitney is a Certified Hypnotherapist and Life + Business Coach for Women. She skillfully creates a space where you discover a deeper connection to yourself, awaken your inner fire, gain clarity on your vision, and become the woman you were born to be. She combines CONSCIOUSNESS COACHING™️, Spirituality, Leading Mindset Techniques, and Hypnosis to reprogram your self-worth and self-belief. As a result, her clients go from feeling stuck and limited to courageously and confidently bringing their dreams into real life!

Sometimes I hear what people say to each other in conflict and think, there are so many layers between what they're saying to each other, and the REAL, vulnerable, raw, tender, thing those words are covering. 

I think if we shared with each other our feelings, our truth, our vulnerability, the things we're scared to share because they might cause the relationship to end or they might make us "look bad" we'd all have a lot more intimacy and connection in our relationships. 

We just haven't been taught how to say those things.  We are busy protecting ourselves and defending ourselves rather than revealing ourselves. As much as people may love each other, most people are used to talking to each other like the enemy, the bad guy, the one doing something wrong, the one causing harm, the one I need to protect myself from.  This episode I talk about some tools to use in conflict with others.