We dive deep into the Carl Rogers quote “The curious paradox of life is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."  Our guest shares two personal stories about recognizing "what is" in her own life, and also the difficult task to accept that without judgement. We discuss perfectionism, accepting mistakes, the importance of reaching out and also receiving others' help, and so much more. This episode's guest is Ashley Kuchar, PhD. She is our dear friend and has taught and studied with Becky and has such a wise, calming presence, we knew we had to have her on to tell her self-compassion story. Ashley is an instructor at The University of Texas at Austin and a Mental Performance Coach at Fail Better Training--where she teaches athletes and coaches scientifically prove methods for how to improve their game and their lives by applying self-compassion. We found ourselves in Ashley's story, and hope you can too!

Show Notes

Quotes from the email letter from Sue Kraus:

“When you feel incompetent, remember that this too is a gift that you can share with the world – and it helps build bridges between humans. That is the true root of compassion.”

“By letting go of the need to be perfect, we can begin to really live”

Ashley's Website: https://failbettertraining.com/

Fail Better Training Services: https://failbettertraining.com/services-training/

Workbook: https://www.amazon.com/RESET-Resilience-Enhancement-Exercise-Training/dp/B0B1YCM692/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1FQNQ4GNR49MU&keywords=reset+resilience+book&qid=1655228561&sprefix=%2Caps%2C92&sr=8-2

Instagram: @failbettertraining 

Are there moments, days or even seasons where you have lost yourself? Maybe you're in one right now. What can we do during times like these? Tune in to this third episode of our Self-Compassion Stories mini series where we host our very first guest on the show shares her experience and how transformation lies in the process, not the outcome. Our guest is our teacher, cheerleader, Instagram friend, and real life neighbor: Monica Packer from About Progress, a community focused on growth not perfection. She describes an intense time in her mothering full of overwhelm and sadness and how offering herself kindness and accepting her situation with compassion and time, allowed her to become way more than she thought was possible. Monica is also an expert on habits, so we had to ask her about that. She taught us how making space for compassion as we begin new habits or revisit old ones, is actually key to helping them stick--especially for women.

Carl Rogers quotes: 

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

“We cannot change, we cannot move away from what we are, until we thoroughly accept what we are. Then change seems to come about almost unnoticed.”

Quotes by Monica:

"The transformation lies in the process, not the outcome."

"Small wins build over time." 

"It takes the greatest of courage to do the smallest of things."

Here is the link to Monica's free class: https://workinprogressacademy.mykajabi.com/women-habits-class

In our second episode of Self-Compassion Stories, Candace shares an experience from childhood. Which got us thinking about the ways we naturally offer ourselves compassion, but as we grow, that instinct can be forgotten and underused. Tune in to this timely end of summer share about sibling rivalry and road trips...have you ever been in the middle of the madness and wanted to just ignore it all? We find out what a little compassion can do for Candace's hard situation, and how accepting ourselves exactly as we are is the true path to change. 

Is there a time in your life where you accepted yourself with kindness? We would love to hear about it! Send us an email [email protected] or come say hi on Instagram @mindfulartco

Welcome to the first episode of our mini series, "Self-Compassion Stories." It's powerful to hear examples from real people about how they have changed by being kind to themselves. Carl Rogers said, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change." In this episode, Becky responds to this quote and shares about a time on a family vacation that she accepted herself with kindness and what changed because of it. There are canceled flights, a sleepless night and some really great details, you're not gonna want to miss. When have you accepted yourself with kindness? We hope that with the help of this podcast, you can practice kindness along with us and all of our guests who share their own stories. Who knows, maybe you'll be on next!

When you start to learn to pay attention--to wake up to really WHAT IS--your perception becomes more true. And that’s when we can start to change things we want to change and move through emotions/moments/situations that we want to move through. Becky teaches us about inter-connectedness and how we can find the truer perception by expanding what we are connected to. We discuss how Candace has changed her perception about her body by noticing what she was connecting the thoughts about her body to. Once she changed, or expanded that connection, she was able to have a truer perception of her body. Becky leads a meditation to help you expand your interconnection and gain more wisdom. If you are feeling stuck, try changing your perception. Want to learn how to change your perception? Listen to the episode. 

"We are convinced that our perceptions are correct and complete, yet often they are not. In the Chinese character for perception, the upper part is 'sign' or 'appearance' and the lower part is 'mind.' When we perceive something an image of that thing, or a sign is created in our mind and in many cases the sign is illusionary and it is very easy to confuse our mental image of something with its reality. So it’s important to not be too sure of our perceptions." -- Thich Nhat Hanh

My Body is History 

My great great grandmothers worked out all day,

their dresses filled with sweat.

In making a meal, they burned more calories than they consumed...now tell me is that not the best kind of diet to get?

I’d bet they fit in 10,000 steps each day,

meeting their target heart rate was a breeze

and they cut out all processed foods, sugary treats, and drinks

with total ease.

Why then, were they

wider than

their husbands?

Their roundness plain as day?

Their skirts around their thick wastes even with no baby on the way?

Why then

did they have soft stomachs? Jiggly arms and expanding thighs?

It’s because the world we live in now

is selling health as a disguise.

My history tells me the truth.

My present sadly lies.

My future is something that I get to build. With my soft stomach, jiggly arms, and expanding thighs.

This is a story about my body.

But not a story of love or acceptance or pride.

It’s not a story

of bravery

or feeling free.

This is just a story

of a woman

Who finds more truth in

the past than

in the present.

This is a story of a woman

who is done

listening to the lies.

And I hope it’s a story about many  women

who are about to realize

it’s a blessing for us to have our grandmothers with us

In our arms and our stomachs and our thighs.

In this episode we talk about how tuning into your voice of compassion is the best way to take care of yourself--and your anger. If you want to change the way you react in high stress or high anger situations, then try meditation--specifically the short one we share in this episode. Scientific studies show that when we meditate we are in effect changing the shape of our brain by flexing the muscle of attention. The same way we go to the gym and do repetitions to increase our muscle, we practice meditation daily to focus the mind and change its neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to change its structure. Do you want to change your brain structure and be able to respond instead of react to your anger? Come join us and learn how. 

When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you.” --Lao Tzu 

"If we can take care of our own anger instead of focusing on the other person we will get immediate relief. If we can pause, we see that our anger or fear may have been born from a wrong perception or may have its roots in the large seeds of anger or fear within us when we realize this it frees us from anger and fear practice in bracing and looking deeply to see the real roots of your anger. When insight is born, you will be free." --Thich Nhat Hanh 

"Breathing in, I am aware that I am breathing in. Breathing out, I am aware that I am breathing out."  --Thich Nhat Hanh  

Books we mentioned The Dance of Anger: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31312.The_Dance_of_Anger 

How to Fight: https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/how-to-fight_thich-nhat-hanh/13993741/#edition=14810411&idiq=24084482 

If you like our podcast, you'll LOVE our handbook: https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/self-compassion-handbook-early-edition 

Want Becky to coach you through your pain, fear, or shame? She is trained by the top mindful self-compassion researchers in the world to do just that, (and lots more): https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/mindfulness-fundamentals-private-lessons

Do some things (especially moments of pain, fear or shame) seem like they go on and on forever? Do you find yourself asking, "when will this end?" Or thinking "this will never end!" Then this episode is for you. We help you discover the micro pauses in our every day life. Finding this stillness is a way to bring a balance to your life--in the both good times and bad. From extreme fear or shame, to head aches, to stinky dogs, the practice of "noticing the gone" will help. And it's a lot easier than you think. Come join us! 

If you like our podcast, you'll LOVE our handbook: https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/self-compassion-handbook-early-edition 

Want Becky to coach you through your pain, fear, or shame? She is trained by the top mindful self-compassion researchers in the world to do just that, (and lots more): https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/mindfulness-fundamentals-private-lessons

We increase our suffering when we hold on to things (grasping) and avoid things (avoid things). So naturally, a great way to ease our suffering is to let go and/or address our feelings or situations head-on. How do we know if we are grasping or averting? And what do we do once we identify that? That's what this episode is for. We give you 3 tips to apply to your personal struggle with grasping and aversion, and lead you through a "letting go" visualization meditation that will bring more peace and ease to your day. Come join us!

If you like our podcast, you'll LOVE our handbook: https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/self-compassion-handbook-early-edition

Want Becky to coach you through your grasping and aversion? She is trained by the top mindful self-compassion researchers in the world to do just that, (and lots more): https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/mindfulness-fundamentals-private-lessons