Common Kindness

What happens in your body when you are resisting? Tight shoulders? Tension headaches? Stomach cramps? You can't sleep? Maybe you just can't focus on anything. There are lots of ways resistance shows up in our lives--and those we care for, live with and work with. While it's not always bad, resistance is something that we can lessen if we choose. We talk about "pain x resistance = suffering" and "what you resists persists," and shine a light on the power we have to lessen our suffering by simply sitting with our feelings. It sounds simple, but we know it's hard. That's why we walk you through a reflection exercise to hopefully lessen your resistance right now. We can also use this tool when those around us are resisting (toddlers at bedtime, anyone?). So stop resisting your urge to listen to this episode. Come chat, laugh and relax with us. It's a break that is probably long overdue!

If you like our podcast, you'll LOVE our handbook: https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/self-compassion-handbook-early-edition

Want Becky to coach you through your resistance? She is trained by the top mindful self-compassion researchers in the world to do just that, (and lots more): https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/mindfulness-fundamentals-private-lessons

Do you often choose to feel pleasant, rather than to be present?? Yeah, there's a scientific reason for that! But it's actually really good for our brains to be present. In this episode we talk about why zoning out, or working on auto-pilot are great for survival, but not so great for our happiness and general life-satisfaction. Listen to this episode to find out why something as simple as loading the dishwasher in a new way can be beneficial, and some other super practical ways to apply the concept of mindfulness v. default mode network to your life.

Link to our handbook: https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/self-compassion-handbook-early-edition

Link to work one-on-one with Becky: https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/mindfulness-fundamentals-private-lessons

Default Mode Network does 3 things

1.Creates a sense of self

It’s your habits, your dog trails. They make you who you are. Without doing those same things you wouldn’t know who you are.

2.Projects that self into the past or future

Because you know your habits you also can sort of predict your day, even your future and also your past. 

3. Looks for problems

If your habits get messed up it’s going to trigger resistance. Any change to your sense of self is going to trigger defensiveness. (putting your socks on first, washing your hair last.)

Something to think about is that we are hardwired for survival, not for happiness.

You can be in a mindful state or in a default mode.

Meditation grows gray matter. Gray matter increases emotional retention and regulation, it also increases your ability to make decisions. When you’re caught in the same default mode network, you’re chewing the same piece of gum. Meditate to chew a new piece of gum. 

In this episode, we share a new way to anchor yourself to the present moment. Instead of using the breath, we teach you to use the soles of your feet. Learning to ground yourself with walking meditation is a fantastic tool. Listen to find out all you can do with this simple tool.

Link for our handbook: https://www.mindfulartco.com/product-page/self-compassion-handbook-early-edition 

“Be where you are. Otherwise you will miss your life.” --The Buddha 

“Walk as if you are kissing the earth with your feet” --Thich nhat hanh

In this episode, we discuss the magic space between the in-breath and the out-breath, and the space between feeling an emotion and responding to that emotion. And a lot of other spaces in our lives that make it more meaningful. Music, writing, even seasons have spaces. We teach you a tool you can use any time you'd like to respond instead of reacting, or choose freedom instead of being controlled by your emotions or situation. We learn from the best--Viktor E. Frankl--who said, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." 

To sign up for our drop-in, pay-what-you-want Thursday Night Meditation class, visit our webpage or click HERE. We hope to see you there!

When you have a difficult emotion, do you avoid it? Or do you face it head-on? Today we have another parable of the poop. However irreverent it may sound, this is such a great visual for how we can take charge of our own crappy emotions. We introduce a tool to help you out - The acronym RAIN. And Becky leads us in a RAIN meditation so you can address one of your challenges right now.

R - Recognize

A - Allow

I - Investigate

N - Nurture

Hey, we are back! It's time to dive deep into mindfulness. We are so excited to talk about this lost art and science. We'll bring real ideas and information about mindfulness this season. If you are new here, you might want to go back and listen to the 1st Season, but you certainly don't have to for this season to still have an impact on your life. We just want to say, "great job" for listening--this stuff is important and we're proud of you for being here.

Here is a link to the free fall leave meditation and fox story we mention at the end: www.mindfulartco.com/freebies

If you've made it this far, congratulations! It's our final episode of Season 1--intorduction to Self-compassion. In this episode, we will go over the three elements of self-compassion that were developed by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. These are Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification, Common Humanity vs. Isolation, and Self-kindness vs. Judgement. At the end, Becky leads us through a loving-kindness meditation and reads a poem (copied below). 

For more information on our Mindful Self-Compassion Course, please click HERE.

TO THE WOMAN WHO IS SLOWLY FADING AWAY

To the woman who has lost her spark.

To the woman whose get up and go, has well and truly gone.

This is for you.

This is to remind you, that you don’t have to be everything to everyone, every day.

You didn’t sign up for that.

Remember when you used to laugh? Sing?

Throw caution to the wind?

Remember when you used to forgive yourself more quickly for not always being perfect.

You can get that back again.

You really can.

And that doesn’t have to mean letting people down or walking away.

It just means being kinder to you, feeling brave enough to say no sometimes.

Being brave enough to stop sometimes.

And rest.

It starts the moment you realise that you’re not quite who you used to be.

Some of that is good, some of that is not.

There are parts of you that need to be brought back.

And if anyone in your life is not okay with that… they are not your people. Your people will be glad to see that spark starting to light up again.

So, if you have been slowly fading away my friend, this is the time to start saying yes to things that bring you joy and no to things that don’t.

It’s really pretty simple.

~Donna Ashworth

In this episode, we teach you about the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem. Is one better than the other? YES. Self-compassion gives a more stable sense of self-worth over time because it is not based on outward appearances, how physically attractive you are, or how successful you are. Unlike self-esteem, self-compassion leads us to connect with others instead of comparing ourselves to them. Can you think of 5 positive truths about yourself that are not based on outward accomplishments or appearance? If you need some guidance, we have the perfect meditation for you at the end of this episode.

The psychologist Carl Jung said that “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” So when you’re trying to avoid, ignore or shove down an experience or emotion, thinking that if you do, it will go away you are actually making it grow. It becomes your reality. This is especially true with pain. 

Meditation and self compassion help with pain in 5 different ways.

1- It helps you pay attention to your pain--find out what it actually feels like in your body instead of trying NOT to feel it.  Once you do that, you can easily recognize when your body is NOT in pain. You can then maximize the not painful moments. Build on them. Become the good moments instead of the bad ones. Do something with the good ones instead of wasting them away.

2- Pain is three parts:  

sensory (toe throbbing because I stubbed it)

emotional (I yelp and feel stupid) 

cognitive (now I can't wear my favorite shoes or walk as fast which means I wont' get enough stuff done and my whole day is ruined). 

Meditation helps separate these three aspects of pain and helps us realize the lies we tell ourselves about the pain. i.e. the unneeded suffering we cause ourselves.

3- Studies show that a willingness to turn toward our pain actually helps it heal faster. Self compassion is a great tool for turning toward pain. 

4- Mediation shrinks your lizard brain--your amygdala- the one that causes the fight or flight response. When we shrink this part of our brain we can more easily regulate our emotions and think for ourselves instead of letting the lizard brain do it for us. This is key to controlling suffering and also controlling how we will respond to our pain.

5- Studies show that the anticipation of pain decreases when practicing meditation and self compassion. This is a big one for chronic pain. You know the pain will happen...but meditation can help you decrease your suffering because the anticipation of the pain will decrease.