Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen

Uncertainty is the breeding ground for stress and anxiety.  But it is always about a future possible event, it isn't about the present.

When our body feels uncertain, our nervous system works up into a tizzy to try to protect us from any future possible danger.

Listen to episode 188 to hear Heidi teach you how to calm your nervous system so you can anchor back into the present.  Learn about:

• Belly breathing
• 5 senses anchoring
• Toe to head tensing and releasing
• Positive visualization

Once we have regulated our nervous system, we can see we can handle the present... because we are.

For private coaching, set up a consult call at https://calendly.com/heidibenjaminsen/

Have you ever felt like you're butting heads with your strong-willed kid? Well, you're not alone!  Episode 187 shares some fantastic tips for dealing with those headstrong, independent-minded teens we all know and love.

First off, let's celebrate these traits! Heidi reminds us that having a strong sense of self and the ability to think independently are actually superpowers. We're not trying to squash these qualities, just guide them in a positive direction.

Here are some nuggets of wisdom from the episode:

1. Choices, choices, choices! Whenever possible, give your teen options. This could be as simple as "Do you want to ride with your brother or us to the event?" It helps them feel empowered and invested in decisions.
2. Find the 'yes' in the 'no'. When your teen asks for something you're not keen on, try to find a small part you can agree to. For example, if they're always asking to eat out with friends, maybe you can say yes to one meal a week. This approach helps them focus on what they're getting rather than what they're not.
3. Watch your tone! Our teens can be sensitive to authoritative tones, so try to soften your approach. It doesn't mean you're not in charge, just that you're being respectful of their growing autonomy.
4. Invite their input. Ask for their thoughts on family decisions. It shows you value their opinion and helps them practice decision-making skills.

The best part? These strategies can lead to stronger relationships with our teens. Heidi mentioned that her daughter now comes to her for advice on almost everything!

Remember, we're not aiming for perfection here. It's all about finding ways to respect our teens' growing independence while still providing the guidance they need. It takes time and practice, but it's so worth it.

Sign up for a free consult call to see how coaching can help you show up as the mother you want to be https://calendly.com/heidibenjaminsen/

Hey there, moms! If you're getting ready to send your kid off to college, this episode of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen is definitely for you.

Heidi dives into understanding our nervous system and how it affects our emotions and reactions, especially during big life changes like your child leaving for college. She explains that our nervous system is like a background program constantly running to keep us safe, but sometimes it can be a bit overprotective – like a smoke detector going off for burnt toast!

She breaks down our nervous system states into three "colors":

1. Green: This is our happy place – calm, connected, and able to think clearly.
2. Red: Think fight-or-flight mode – stressed, anxious, and on high alert.
3. Grey: This is our freeze response – feeling low, hopeless, or burned out.

The key takeaway? It's normal to move between these states, especially when facing something as emotionally charged as sending your kid to college. Heidi emphasizes that it's not about staying in the "green" all the time, but rather about recognizing which state you're in and having tools to get back to "green" when needed.

She offers some great tips for regulating your nervous system, like breath work, exercise, and connecting with supportive people. 

Oh, and heads up! Heidi's going to be releasing an inexpensive self-study course soon to help you prepare for taking your child to college. Plus, she's planning some support groups for moms who've just dropped their kids off at school – definitely worth checking out if you're interested in extra support during this transition.

Remember, moms, it's totally normal to feel a mix of emotions during this time. The goal isn't to be perfect, but to be aware of your feelings and have strategies to stay grounded. You've got this!

Episode 185 of Confidence Coaching focuses on achieving freedom from drama in life. The host, Heidi Benjaminsen, starts by defining drama as exaggerated behavior or reactions, often performed for others. She then outlines six key strategies to reduce drama in our lives.

The first strategy is to create space for thinking and curiosity about situations and people's motives. This involves slowing down and questioning our assumptions.

The second is to distinguish between facts and the stories we create about those facts, recognizing that our perceptions are colored by our experiences and values.

Heidi emphasizes the importance of staying calm when others are upset, allowing their drama to land in front of us rather than on us. This requires compassion and the understanding that we can choose how to respond to others' drama. She also advises avoiding gossip and making assumptions about people, as these behaviors often fuel unnecessary drama.

Another crucial point is to mind your own business and create boundaries. Heidi suggests that by staying in our own "lane" and limiting what we allow into our personal space, we can significantly reduce drama in our lives. She also stresses the importance of being present and not letting frustrations grow bigger than necessary.

Reducing drama can lead to more authentic relationships and genuine confidence..

As we reduce our drama, our children have a model to have less drama and negativity in their lives! 

A friend told me she was sad and asked if she could call me. 

Episode 184 is step by step how I validated, witnessed and helped her process her sadness.

We will all feel sad, it is a normal human emotion.

The skill of zooming in and seeing the sad is what helps all of us get to the other side of the sadness.

Listen to hear what color her sadness was and where she felt it in her body.

She now knows how to love and care for the sadness when it comes back.

This is a must listen for all parents, friends, spouses and humans who want to connect more with other humans.

A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Our life made up for billions of moments/experiences and each experience has three layers:

1. The actual experience.
2. Our awareness of the experience.
3. The story or meaning we create about the experience.

Listen to episode 183 as Heidi Benjaminsen shares and breaks down several experiences of her life into these three layers.

You'll learn that actual experiences only last a short period of time.  Heidi teaches how having the awareness inside our body helps us feel any emotion and know it will pass in time.  Being able to handle any emotion allows us to stay in our lane and stay calm and anchored.

Heidi shares how we are shaped most in life by the third layer, the stories we tell about each experience.  She teaches how to make meaning in our life that will create the life experiences we really want.

Would you like to know how to calmly handle the silence when your college student doesn't reply to texts or calls?  Click here for instant help! 

It sounds like a kind desire to have towards others - wanting them to be happy and feel good.

This desire works... until it doesn't and this thought becomes toxic and creates stress (in us and them).

And disconnects us from the people we love most who experience human and negative experiences.

When others are sad, grieving, disappointed and more, they don't need us to tell them we really want them to be happy.  (If we do this, they don't want to be around us - which is usually the opposite of what we want.)

They need us to witness their negativity, they need validation and support.

They don't need "fixing", which is what it feels like (unintentionally!) when we want everyone to be happy.

Ironically, as we sit with others in their negativity, they naturally feel "better" because they feel seen and loved.

Which is what we all want anyway.

Listen to episode 182 to hear the reasons why we don't want people to be happy all the time and how to create more humanity and love in our relationships.

Humans are like magnets.  Something in our make-up attracts or repels certain people.

I believe OUR VIBE or our energy attracts certain people, certain successes, and certain failures in our life.

And our VIBE repels others.

Our vibe includes our nervous system - how we hold our body, the words we use, our mannerisms, how we dress, act, don't act, how we talk about ourselves and others.

This is the energy we put into the world.

And energy follows energy.

Listen to this replay of one of the most downloaded episodes to hear how to identify and change anything about your VIBE that isn't how you want your life to look.

Goodness and confidence are out there.

Now let's attract more of this into our lives!

Because our brains are "wired" on default to look for the negative, feeling more joy in life isn't an automatic process.

It requires focus and intention and practice. 

First, we have to recognize what is STEALING our joy.  And neutralize these "joy thieves".

Listen to a replay of episode 11 to hear the many human ways we all let joy be stolen from us.

And hear Heidi explain HOW to increase our joy - in small and big ways.

A joyful mother (who also feels the negative) is the greatest gift to her family!

All moms worry if they are "good enough"; we are biologically wired to care about this.

This "worry" becomes a problem when we look to our children or external factors to determine if we are good enough.

It's an even bigger problem if we think we need to be "perfect".

Listen to episode 179 to hear advanced certified life coach Heidi Benjaminsen discuss what makes us a good mom.

When we think we are a good mom, we act in a way that reinforces this belief.

Good moms are everywhere and doing things very differently.

A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!