Confident Couples Podcast

It’s the very first Confident Couples interview!  We love personality assessments, but we’re not the experts.  So we’re bringing them to you.

Today, we’re talking with Scott and Linda Schwefel of Discover Yourself, a company that helps people understand one another, be more productive and successful, and build professional relationships.  They use the Discovery Insights personality assessment in their work.

Bud first met Scott at a Vistage meeting in 2015 and fell head-over-heels for Discovery Insights.  We both took the assessment and have benefitted from it in our marriage for the last four years. Listen in to find out why!

In this episode, we talk about:

The four personality styles in Insights Discovery: Fiery Red, Earth Green, Sunshine Yellow, Cool BlueHow understanding personality styles can help you be more open-mindedHow “Communication Do’s and Don’ts” can help in your marriageWhy Scott and Linda post their personality profiles to their refrigerator in their kitchen

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Interested in Insights Discovery?  Get your Insights Discovery profile at DiscoveryProfile.com

Mentioned in this episode:

What is Insights Discovery? Get your Insights Discovery profile at DiscoveryProfile.comScottstedtalk.com

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

The Business of Love series is a new series of episodes where we bring helpful business practices into relationships.  One of our favorite “businessy” things that has helped us in relationship is personality testing.

Businesses often have teams go through assessments to understand how they can work better together and communicate with more empathy.  We think these same skills are critical in long-term relationships.

Today, we’re giving an overview of personality tests, how they have benefitted our relationship, and the two personality tests we’ve used.

In this episode, we talk about:

Why we recommend every couple take personality tests and talk about them togetherThe two personality assessments we’ve used, and why we liked them bothHow personality tests results can help you mold your communication styleWhy personality tests are basically “cheap therapy”

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Research these two personality tests if they sound interesting.  Take a test for yourself. Extra credit if you do it before next week’s episode!

Mentioned in this episode:

What is Insights Discovery? Get your Insights Discovery profileWhat is the Enneagram? Get your Enneagram type - recommend getting the Standard “STD” profile

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

One of our biggest pieces of advice for young couples is to combine finances and share a bank account.

In today’s short episode, we’re talking about why we’re so passionate about combined finances.  We’ll dive into how sharing money plays into transparency, trust, and goals.

In this episode, we talk about:

The podcast episode that encouraged us to take a stronger stand about combined financesCommon excuses why couples may not want to share a bank accountWhy sharing money is closely tied to sharing dreams and goalsHow a shared bank account works in practice

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

If you’re doing this, cheers to you!  Grab a beer and celebrate with your partner.  If not, talk to your partner about moving all your money together!

Mentioned in this episode:

004: Budgeting & Money – Own Your Finances as a Couple - Our first episode about moneyWhen, How & Why to Start Saving Your Hard Earned Dollars with Rachel Cruze on the She Podcast - the episode that shifted Sara’s perspective on shared bank accounts (jump to minute 47:00)005: The Shopping Budget

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Do you and your partner live on the same planet when it comes to money topics in your partnership?  Income, expenses, savings, debt, everything?

We strongly believe in 100% money transparency within a marriage or life partnership.  That means sharing and communicating everything about your finances together, whether it’s good, bad or ugly.

This episode is about being intentional about sharing every single detail of every single dollar.

In this episode, we talk about:

Why we think every couple should openly share with one another their income, expenses, savings, and debtsHow money transparency helps you approach family finances as a teamHow you can get started sharing openly about money if you don’t right nowThe key money topics that engaged couples need to talk about before they get married

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

If you don’t currently share transparently about money, let it start with you.  Take your most recent credit card statement and post it to the kitchen refrigerator.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our other episodes on money: 004: Budgeting & Money and 005: The Shopping BudgetAloe Blacc - I Need A Dollar (Official Video)21% of Divorcées Cite Money as the Cause of Their Divorce, MagnifyMoney Survey Show

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Do you and your partner agree on where you're headed in life together? If you're not sure, visioning might help.

Visioning is simply painting a picture of what we want the future to look like. It means standing in the present and seeing, imagining, feeling success for you at a certain point in the future.

We first heard about this in a business context from Zingerman's, a community of businesses in Ann Arbor, Michigan. But like a lot of business concepts, we knew we had to try it on a personal level too.

As we define it at Zingerman’s, a vision is a picture of the success of a project at a particular time in the future.Ari Weinzweig, Zingerman’s Co-Founding Partner, Why and How Visioning Works

On today's podcast, we're sharing what it looked like for us to write a 15-year vision for our life together, and what it meant to us.

In this episode, we talk about:

How visioning together makes sure you aren't chasing different futuresHow we wrote our first 15-year vision in June 2015 (and excerpts from it)Our suggested step-by-step process for visioning as a couple3 hallmarks of a compelling vision

Excerpts from our real 15-year visions

Section of Sara’s Vision:

It this point, my business’ management team and amazing, dedicated co-workers run our work without my day to day input.  I get to set strategy, help identify opportunities, and market our work.

I have expanded into business products and a bit of consulting to help other businesses be successful.

Section of Bud’s Vision:

I run a personal blog that is based around finding productive and profitable relationships, centered around marriage and how it's the best investment you can make along with my three legged marriage stool.  I talk about intimacy, financial planning, and communication at speaking events, and I really enjoy this as a hobby of giving away Sara’s and my thoughts and feelings on marriage.

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Read the blog posts from Zingerman's below! These have all the details about exactly why and how to vision.

Mentioned in this episode:

Zingerman's: Why and How Visioning WorksZingerman's: The Power of Visioning (step-by-step instructions)"People think marriage is looking deep into each other's eyes. No, it's looking out and seeing the same life." – Rob Marshall, on Emily Blunt & John Krasinski's shared vision for their life Episode 003: Life Planning Dinner

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

It’s impossible to think that you’ll always agree with your partner in a relationship, all the time.

Disagreements are inevitable but angry, hurtful confrontations shouldn’t be.  We decided early on that blowout arguments weren’t going to happen in our relationship.

In the last 17 years of being together, we’ve developed a few “rules” to make sure we’re fighting fair instead of hurting feelings.  In this episode, we walk through them (and share a few times that we’ve failed).

In this episode, we talk about:

Our 3 rules for fighting fair:#1 Don’t Bring Up the Past: keep your disagreement in the moment, in the present#2 No Name Calling #3 No Generalizations: be specific, avoid “always” and “never”A few times we’ve broken the rulesHow we politely remind each other of the “rules” in the heat of the momentWhy you need to de-escalate a fight if you want to affect change

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

In your next disagreement, monitor your own behavior.  Make sure you can follow these rules yourself before suggesting to your partner putting a few parameters around your arguments.

Mentioned in this episode:

Episode 001: The Three-Legged Stool

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram

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Just last month, we went on a weekend getaway, with a special catch—No technology.

Today, we’re talking about this concept of Unplugged Weekend, how it helps our relationship, and why we think it’s the perfect intentional way to re-connect.

In this episode, we talk about:

Our recent unplugged weekend in Winter Park, FL and why we loved itWhy turning off technology is a great way to reconnect with your partnerSecrets to unplugging successfully

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Talk to your partner about unplugging for a dinner date or life planning dinner.  See how freeing it can be and maybe you’ll want to try out a whole weekend.

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and let us know if you think you can survive a whole weekend without a cell phone.

How often do we set unreasonable expectations for our partner that inevitably lead to us feeling disappointed?

It’s so common to say  “Let’s see if he/she notices [fill in the blank]” or “I’ll test him/her and see if he/she remembers to [fill in the blank].”  But… is it really productive, or is this destined for hurt and distance? Why are we setting up our partners for failure?

In this episode, we discuss how we can all set our partner up for success instead, and how that makes all of us happier in relationship.

In this episode, we talk about:

The classic “Let’s see if he notices my new blouse” test (sstttttopppp)What we’re really looking for when we give our partner unreasonable “tests” that they’re likely to failHow and why we intentionally set eachother up for success instead

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Give your partner an opportunity to succeed and affirm you in a way you’ve been looking for.  You may need to have an expectation discussion around affirming one another.

Did you know we stream every episode recording live, usually weeks before it launches on the podcast?  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram to get notified when we go live.

Welcome to 2019, where money and income-earning roles in relationships don’t always follow a "traditional" stereotype.

We don’t think there’s enough conversation around handling partnerships where income is basically equal.  Who’s in charge of what? What does that mean for who makes money decisions?

In this episode, we draw back the curtain on our own income situation, how we’ve invested in one another, and what we messed up when our income wasn’t quite so equal.

In this episode, we talk about:

How each partner in a relationship deserves equal power in money choices and managementUsing dual income to allow you to invest in one another’s careersSpeaking out against money stereotypes in social situations

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Introspective - how are you thinking about your own money role in the relationship?  How can you shift that to make it more empowering for yourself?

Mentioned in this Episode:

Episode 004: Budgeting & Money – Own Your Finances as a CoupleThe End of Men: And the Rise of Women - book recommended by Bud

Did you know we stream every episode recording live, usually weeks before it launches on the podcast?  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram to get notified when we go live.

Has your partner ever tried a weird diet?  We get it—we’ve tried… almost all of them.

Making big diet changes can put strain on a relationship, changing how you spend time together, what you enjoy together, and some of your regular routine.  

In this episode, come into our kitchen as we talk about ways you can support your partner when they want to try a new way of eating. Plus, we talk about why our kitchen table always has a huge bowl of fruit, and some of Sara’s struggles with Bud’s current diet.

In this episode, we talk about:

The types of diets we’ve tried, and what we’re doing nowHow we are currently dealing with being on different diets3 ways to be intentional in supporting your partner’s eating choices

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Cook a meal or grab a snack you know your partner likes tonight.  Let them know you chose it because they love it!

Mentioned in this Episode:

Living with a SEAL: 31 Days Training with the Toughest Man on the Planet by Jesse ItzlerFit for Life by Harvey and Marilyn DiamondWhole30

Did you know we stream every episode recording live, usually weeks before it launches on the podcast?  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram to get notified when we go live.