Confident Couples Podcast

Are you relying on your partner to play too many roles in your life?  It may be time to look for personal and professional development outside of your relationship.  

In this episode, we talk about finding support groups and how to support your partner when they find theirs. 

In this episode, we talk about:

Personal vs professional development—are they the same or different?The personal and professional benefits of Bud’s Vistage group“The first one through the wall gets the bloodiest”

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Think about who your support group might be, personally or professionally.  Consider seeking one out if your partner is the only person you ask personal and work questions.

Mentioned in this episode:

Vistage: Bud’s support group

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

One of the best things about being in a relationship is having a partner to travel with (at least in our opinion!).  But, that’s not to say that every adventure is perfect. As a couple who travel pretty often, we’ve developed a few rules for traveling with your partner to make sure you come home still speaking and full of good stories.  

In this episode, we talk about:

Our 3 rules for traveling with your partnerEstablish travel roles and responsibilitiesRecognize your own travel idiosyncrasiesHave patience, especially when things don’t go as plannedBud’s personal best time from car to airplane — Can you beat it?Our own travel issuesThat scary hotel room I booked us when we were studying abroad

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Recognize your own idiosyncracies around travel, and have a conversation around the dumb stuff you know you do when traveling.

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

On this week's episode, we dive into the great gift debate. 

Do you need to shower your partner with gifts to prove you love them? We talk about if we gift or not, and go back to some embarrassing gifts Bud gave Sara in high school. 

In this episode, we talk about:

Gifs vs Gifts (ha)Why we aren’t really into gift-giving to each otherSome of the embarrassing gifts we’ve givenThat one time Bud sent flowers to the wrong houseUsing Instagram ad re-targeting for gift ideas?  (turns out, not a good idea)Alternatives to gift-giving, if you’re not into it

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Have a conversation with your partner about gifts!  It’s time to discuss budget and expectations for gifts for each other.

Mentioned in this Episode:

Episode 005: The Shopping BudgetThe 5 Love Languages book

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

There are so many ways that technology can keep you connected as a couple.  In this episode, we’re sharing a few ideas for how we save time and energy by using different apps, AND we talk about how technology can help you connect more in person. 

Plus, we spill more crazy things we do that make other people cringe, like sharing our locations at all times.

In this episode, we talk about:

The power of texting and how “urgent” it should really beEmail and recurring emails for remindersSharing calendarsSharing your location—a do or a don’t?

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Set up expectations on communication response time for calls, texts, and emails.  When does your partner expect you’ll respond to each? Do you feel the same way?

Mentioned in this Episode:

5 useful iOS Shortcuts and how to use themBoomerang for Gmail for scheduled and recurring emailsBud’s method for processing his email inboxHow to share location on iPhone

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

I’m sorry?  In relationships, things happen.  Your apologies matter to healing and moving forward.

We recently geeked out about an episode of the Freakonomics podcast all about the science of a good apology.  In today’s episode, we apply this apology research to couples’ communication.

In this episode, we talk about:

Best practices for an apology to have an impact 

An apology needs to occur soon after the negative event happens.The apology has to have a “cost” to the apologizer (and it needs to be understood that it's costly by the person who receives the apology). Do not overuse apologies without changing behavior—then it is hard to show that the apology is costly.  What you say first and what you say last are the most important pieces of an apology.End your apology by saying how sorry you are and if possible state what restitution you will make.

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Offer a more thoughtful apology next time you owe one.

Mentioned in this Episode:

Freakonomics: How to Optimize Your Apology (Ep. 353)The science of apologies with experimental evidenceRich and Famous Have A Lot to Learn When it Comes to Saying Sorry

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Does anyone else stress out about entertaining? 

Planning a party as a couple can be overwhelming and full of conflict.  Today, we’re fresh off our biggest party of the year, and we’re talking about what we’ve learned about doing it together.

In this episode, we talk about:

What we’ve learned from throwing the same party six years in a rowHow to avoid conflict with your partnerIdeas to make entertaining easier on you as a couple

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Host a Crappy Dinner Party!

Mentioned in this Episode:

Crappy Dinner Party

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Since you’re listening to a relationship and growth podcast, you might reach a point where you’d like to suggest a change or trying something new with your partner.

We think you need to put on your sales(wo)man hat, rather than being forceful or abrupt.  It’s time to sell your partner on change in a positive way.

This episode is especially for you if you want to bring change to your relationship and are having a hard time building up the courage to do it.  We break down a step-by-step process to develop a conversation with your partner, build courage, and bring the change you want.

In this episode, we talk about:

What happens when one partner starts working on growth or self-development, or listening to a relationship podcastHow not to bring up change abruptly (“Here’s what I need”)How to sell why your partner needs to get on “the bus of change”Why ultimatums aren’t the answer

The change process:

Identify that you want a change in how something is happening in your relationshipFind a good time for a productive conversation (an upcoming life dinner or just ask your partner for a good time to talk)Describe a situation and ask what your partner needs in that situationExpress your own needs and ask if they can help with that

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Bring up something to your partner that you’ve been seeing as an issue or challenge in your relationship.  Try out this change process and see how it goes.

Mentioned in this Episode:

Our daily ritual: 002: The Ritual – How to Communicate Intentionally, Every DayOur monthly opportunity for tough conversations: 003: Life Planning DinnerBrene Brown researched the ‘discomfort time’ between feeling uncomfortable and doing what’s right. She says the bravery window is only eight seconds for most people.

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Today’s episode is a listener request!

On this week’s episode, we are taking a request from a listener who asked this:

I thought of you and a potential relationship topic. My partner and I were having a discussion about how many couples do or don’t go to bed at the same time at night. I think it’s a fascinating topic! He thinks more couples go to bed at different times than I do. It’s been a discussion point in our relationship going on 14 years.

We’ll talk through the results of our super scientific Instagram poll and a few thoughts of our own.

In this episode, we talk about:

Our exhausting trip to IKEA (completely unrelated)Our poll results: 73% of Confident Couples go to bed at the same time (37 votes! — 27 yes, 10 no)The impact of each partner’s Circadian RhythmWhy going to bed together is less important than making sure to take the time to connect each day or eveningNot romanticizing how other couples approach this, or anything else

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

You’ll have to listen to this one to believe Bud said it 😉 — Fast forward to minute 15:50

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Why even choose to be in a committed partnership or marriage?  Why bother to take the time to make it great?

It can be easy for young couples to assume that love is enough and that relationships should just work.  But we believe that your relationship deserves more time, attention, and intention than that.

In our 6-months of this podcast reflection episode, we’re talking about why we believe in relationships and the value they have in our lives.  This is why we choose to do this podcast and are going to keep it going.

In this episode, we talk about:

The power of being comfortableThe weird things we do and why we do them anywayShould we all stop talking about “working” on relationships?Why we’re going to continue this podcast past the initial 6 months we said we’d do it

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Has this show helped you in some way?  Please give us the fuel to keep going. Leave us a review where you listen to this podcast, or send us a private (even anonymous) note here.

Mentioned in this episode:

The ideal office temperature for productivity

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Bud and I have our own ways of communicating intentionally, but we know they’re not for everyone.  So on this episode, we’re sharing other couples’ communication practices—from friends to celebrities to our listeners. 

We hope you’ll hear something in this episode that sounds like a great way to improve communication in your relationship.

In this episode, we talk about:

A communication idea Sara hatesNot letting problems fester for years that could be communicated through in minutesHow Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher communicate intentionally with their familyOur own listeners’ communication ideas

#ConfidentCouples challenge:

Choose one of these communication ideas to try!

Mentioned in this episode:

Our own intentional communication practice: The Ritual (episode 002)Mila Kunis on the Armchair Expert podcastOur Instagram post where we asked for ideas for intentional practices

Let's connect!  Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.