Coparenting Beyond Conflict: High-Conflict Divorce and Custody Strategies

Think family court will give you closure, fairness, or emotional justice? Think again.
If you’re walking into divorce expecting the system to make things right, you may be setting yourself up for more frustration, confusion, and costly mistakes. Karen Covy—attorney, divorce coach, and founder of Divorce Road Map—pulls back the curtain on what the legal system actually does (and what it doesn’t), and why so many people feel blindsided by the process. This conversation will help you shift from overwhelmed and reactive to clear, strategic, and in control—so you can protect your peace, your kids, and your future.

Learn more about Karen Covy at: https://karencovy.com/

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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/zN6CrfOnZ9k

Takeaways

• The CEO Shift: How to take full ownership of your divorce by building a plan, setting priorities, and leading your own “team” instead of relying solely on a lawyer.
• The 90% Blindspot: Why the legal system only handles a fraction of what matters—and how to proactively manage the emotional, financial, and parenting realities it ignores.
• The Process-First Strategy: How choosing your divorce approach (mediation, litigation, collaborative) before hiring a lawyer can dramatically change your outcome.
• The Board of Directors Model: How to assemble the right mix of professionals (coach, therapist, financial expert, etc.) to save money, reduce stress, and make better decisions.
• The Boundary Blueprint: How to set and enforce clear, realistic boundaries with a high-conflict ex—without escalating the situation.
• The Reality Reset: Why expecting fairness or emotional justice from court keeps you stuck—and what mindset actually leads to peace.

Chapters

00:00 The Moment Everything Clicks: Why the Legal System Isn’t Enough
03:34 The Bottom-Up Revolution: Why Change Won’t Come from the Courts
05:58 The Costly Mistake Most People Make Before Hiring a Lawyer
06:58 Stuck in Limbo: How to Decide Whether to Divorce or Stay
07:53 The CEO of Your Divorce: Why No One Else Will Run This for You
10:17 The High-Conflict Reality Check: Stop Expecting a Peaceful Divorce
11:31 Your Divorce “Board of Directors”: Who You Actually Need on Your Team
15:20 Why Divorce Feels So Inefficient (and How to Stay Sane Anyway)
15:32 Overwhelm & Paralysis: How to Start When You Don’t Know What to Do
17:20 The Hidden Cost of Avoiding Conflict
19:12 Boundaries 101: Simple, Not Easy—and Why They Matter Now
22:01 When Your Ex Manipulates the Kids: What Actually Helps
27:00 Boundaries with an Ex: What Works (and What Doesn’t)
29:14 Communication That Doesn’t Backfire with High-Conflict Exes
31:01 Parenting Plans That Actually Hold Up in Real Life
34:20 Reducing Conflict Through Structure and Specificity
36:05 Decision Deadlocks: Who Gets the Final Say?
39:11 The Biggest Lie About Family Court
40:00 Peace Starts When You Stop Trying to Win
41:25 The Word Everyone Misunderstands in Divorce
41:56 Why Court Can’t Give You Justice
42:10 Final Advice: How to Get Through This Without Losing Yourself

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Are you saying “yes” just to keep the peace—while quietly losing yourself in the process? If you feel trapped between avoiding conflict and honoring your own needs, you’re not alone. Amy Ballantyne, executive coach and host of Power to the People Pleasers, breaks down how people-pleasing patterns show up in co-parenting—and how to start setting boundaries without guilt, escalation, or self-abandonment.

Learn more about Amy Ballantyne at: https://www.amyballantyne.com/

Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/

Other Resources Mentioned:
• Celebrate Yourself by Amy Ballantyne
• Power to the People Pleasers Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/

Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/hV6YuttGURU

Keywords
people pleasing in relationships, co-parenting boundaries, high conflict co-parenting, setting boundaries with ex, self worth and boundaries, people pleaser recovery, communication skills co-parenting, conflict avoidance psychology, parenting after divorce, emotional intelligence parenting

Takeaways

• The Approval Trap: How early conditioning drives people-pleasing—and shows up in co-parenting communication.
• The Boundary Reset: Identify your non-negotiables before the conversation so you don’t default to “yes.”
• The “No Without Drama” Method: Use simple, respectful language (even just “no”) without over-explaining.
• The Win-Win Lens: Shift from control to collaboration by finding outcomes that work for both parents and kids.
• The Self-Worth Link: Why stronger boundaries come from self-love—and how to start building it.
• The Pattern Breaker: What your child learns from your boundaries—and how to model healthier dynamics.

Chapters

00:00 The People-Pleasing Trap
01:00 From Helper to Coach
02:00 The Approval Pattern in Co-Parenting
03:00 Where People Pleasing Begins
05:00 The Biggest Myth About People Pleasers
06:30 Why Saying No Feels So Hard
08:30 Boundaries vs. Self-Abandonment
10:00 Big Picture vs. Petty Fights
12:00 When Co-Parenting Feels Impossible
13:30 Setting Boundaries That Stick
15:00 How to Say No Without Escalating
17:00 What Kids Learn From Your Patterns
19:00 Teaching Boundaries to Your Child
22:00 The Link Between Self-Worth and Boundaries
23:30 A Simple Self-Love Practice
24:30 Handling Disrespect Without Losing Yourself
27:00 Lightning Round: Boundaries & Self-Respect
31:00 One Step to Start Changing Today

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Why does your ex still live in your head—even after the relationship ends?
If you still feel triggered, controlled, or second-guessing yourself, you’re not alone—and you’re not stuck. Dr. Kerry McAvoy, psychologist and host of Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse, explains why toxic dynamics become an internal “echo”—and how to quiet it, reclaim your voice, and parent from a grounded, empowered place.

Learn more about Dr. Kerry McAvoy, PhD at: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/

Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/

Other Resources Mentioned:
• The Empathy Gap: It’s Black and White by Tammy Triolo
• Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/

Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/iJr0gvv_m-k

Keywords
co-parenting, trauma recovery, narcissistic abuse, emotional health, boundaries, healing, self-love, family dynamics

Takeaways

• The “Internal Echo” Shift: How to recognize when your inner critic isn’t actually you—and the simple practice to start separating your voice from theirs.
• The Self-Protection Reframe: Why that hypervigilant voice in your head exists (it’s not weakness)—and how to calm it instead of fighting it.
• The Authentic Parent Reset: How to stop performing as the “perfect parent” and start showing up as your real, grounded self.
• The Courtroom Clarity Strategy: Why family court isn’t about proving abuse—and how understanding this reduces fear and reactivity.
• The Emotional Space Practice: How to support your child through a difficult co-parent without badmouthing—and actually build their resilience.
• The Conflict Detox Method: How to disengage from toxic communication patterns (without escalating things) and protect your peace.

Chapters

00:00 The Hidden Aftermath: Why leaving the relationship doesn’t end the impact
01:00 When the Expert Becomes the Survivor: A psychologist’s personal story
03:30 The “Voice in Your Head” Explained: How toxic partners become internalized
07:30 Survival Mode vs. Empowerment: Why “victim” isn’t the full story
09:30 The Co-Parenting Trap: How fear keeps you stuck even after separation
11:30 The Courtroom Illusion: What family court actually cares about (and what it doesn’t)
13:00 From Reaction to Intention: How to parent from your values instead of fear
16:00 The “Where Are You in the Room?” Exercise (and what it reveals)
19:30 Why “Codependency” might be the wrong frame
22:00 Raising Resilient Kids Through Grief, Loss, and Emotional Truth
26:00 When Your Child Is Hurt by the Other Parent: What actually helps
30:00 The Communication Battlefield: Why toxic co-parents escalate conflict
32:00 How to Stop Feeding the Chaos (and take your power back)
35:00 Lightning Round: Boundaries, self-worth, and reclaiming your life
39:30 The One Question That Starts Your Healing

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Is your anxiety "dumping" all over your kids and fueling the conflict?

In this powerful episode, Kirk Martin of the Calm Parenting Podcast joins guest host Louise Love to reveal why your child's "defiance" is often a mirror of your own internal storm. You will walk away with a radical shift in perspective: moving from trying to control an uncooperative co-parent or a strong-willed child to becoming the "calm anchor" that leads your family to peace through your own self-regulation.

Learn more about Kirk Martin and the Calm Parenting Podcast at: https://celebratecalm.com/

Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/

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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/CPZueeikpps

Keywords
calm parenting, high conflict coparenting, strong-willed child, divorce recovery, emotional regulation, blended family tips, stepparenting advice, de-escalation strategies, generational trauma, BestInterest app

Takeaways

• The Humility Lead: How to use vulnerability and "sitting on the floor" to invite an apology from your child without ever demanding one.
• The "Throw a Bone" Bridge: A specific script to engage an immature or "stubborn" co-parent by focusing on the child's confusion rather than the parent's failings.
• The 3-Tradition Anchor: The strategy for creating consistency across two different homes using small, repeatable rituals (like snacks or bedtime stories) to lower a child’s transition anxiety.
• The 7-Minute Vent: Why you must give yourself a timed container to be "furious" at your ex so it stops seeping into your parenting in the form of "passive-aggressive arrows."
• The Validation Boundary: How to acknowledge your child's anger about the divorce ("Of course you're mad") while simultaneously holding a firm line on respectful behavior.
• The Stepparent Sounding Board: Why the "tread lightly" approach builds more authority and trust with teens than jumping in as a disciplinarian.

Chapters

[01:07] The Son with Boxing Gloves: Why the "My Way or the Highway" approach fails with strong-willed kids.
[02:44] The Superhero Wake-Up Call: The heartbreaking moment Kirk realized his anxiety was crushing his son’s spirit.
[04:38] Building with Legos: Why humility is more powerful than authority in de-escalating a blow-up.
[09:23] The Two-Boss Analogy: Understanding the workplace-style stress kids feel when navigating conflicting household rules.
[10:55] Re-Entry Rituals: Using "treasure hunts" and fresh air to help kids transition back to your home.
[13:31] Managing the Control Freak: Why your professional success might be sabotaging your parenting and personal peace.
[18:21] Dealing with the "I Hate You" Phase: Validating the pain of divorce without losing your household boundaries.
[28:30] The "F-You" Response: Why stepparents must tread lightly to avoid being seen as intruders.
[33:48] Bracing for Puberty: Why the teenage years might actually be your favorite parenting season.
[39:21] The Lightning Round: Fast answers on the biggest lies in parenting and the true definition of a "strong-willed" child.

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

In this conversation, Cherie Morris shares her journey from being an attorney to a coach specializing in co-parenting and conflict resolution. She emphasizes the importance of emotional regulation, somatic healing, and the need to slow down in high-conflict situations. Cherie discusses the significance of role modeling for children, setting boundaries, and the power of emotional validation. The conversation highlights practical steps for navigating co-parenting challenges and fostering a healthier environment for families.

Learn more about Cherie Morris at: https://deardivorcecoach.com/

Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/

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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/9w2ygmJ-kaw

Keywords
co-parenting, emotional regulation, somatic healing, conflict resolution, communication, mindfulness, boundaries, parenting, self-care, personal growth

Takeaways

• Cherie transitioned from law to coaching to help clients find joy beyond legal victories.
• Emotional regulation is crucial in high-conflict situations.
• Slowing down can prevent reactive responses and promote thoughtful communication.
• Somatic healing integrates mind and body for better emotional responses.
• Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining personal peace in co-parenting.
• Role modeling self-care teaches children to advocate for their own emotional needs.
• Responding thoughtfully is more effective than reacting impulsively.
• Emotional validation helps children process their feelings without alienating them from their other parent.
• Breaking the cycle of drama requires awareness and conscious choices.
• Taking care of ourselves enables us to better support our children.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background

02:02 Transition from Law to Coaching

04:06 The Importance of Slowing Down

06:15 Navigating High Conflict Co-Parenting

08:27 Understanding Somatic Healing

10:43 Grounding Techniques for Co-Parenting

12:54 Teaching Kids Emotional Regulation

15:10 Responding vs. Reacting to Children

18:15 Creating Emotional Independence

19:38 Setting Boundaries with Co-Parents

22:25 Avoiding the Drama and Power Struggles

24:00 Lightning Round: Quick Insights

32:26 Final Takeaways and Empowerment

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

In this conversation, Denise Kavaliauskas shares her insights on navigating the complexities of divorce and co-parenting, emphasizing the importance of emotional healing, effective communication, and understanding the dynamics of high conflict situations. She discusses the pitfalls of the divorce industry, the significance of self-empowerment, and offers practical strategies for individuals facing challenging co-parenting scenarios. The discussion also touches on the concept of narcissism, the four pillars of healing, and the journey towards achieving an unbothered state amidst chaos.

Learn more about Denise Kavaliauskas at: https://winningyourdivorce.com/

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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/vGgplBPd0zM

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1878424424

Divorce Corp - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REOuslPVZD4

Keywords

co-parenting, divorce, high conflict, communication, healing, narcissism, family law, empowerment, divorce coaching, emotional well-being

Takeaways

- Denise Kavaliauskas acts as a divorce coach, guiding clients through the divorce process.
- High conflict divorces often lead to ongoing litigation and emotional turmoil.
- The divorce industry can be exploitative, leading to unnecessary costs and trauma.
- Empowerment is key; individuals must recognize their own strength in the divorce process.
- Narcissism can complicate co-parenting, but understanding it can help in managing interactions.
- The four pillars of healing include forgiveness, truth, love, and trust.
- Effective communication is crucial in high conflict situations; writing can help clarify feelings.
- Achieving an unbothered state is possible through self-love and healing.
- Gaslighting is a common tactic in high conflict divorces; knowing your truth is essential.
- Finding peace is a journey, and it can be cultivated at any moment.


Sound Bites

"Divorce is a scam."
"Let them be who they are."
"The past is practice."


Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background
01:01 What is a Divorce Doula?
02:03 Understanding High Conflict Divorces
07:05 The Divorce Industry: A Scam?
10:52 Empowerment Strategies for Co-Parents
15:14 The Four Pillars of Healing
16:31 The Importance of Forgiveness
19:33 Effective Communication Strategies
21:21 Cultivating Calmness and Confidence
22:18 Understanding the 'Unbothered' State
24:08 Dealing with Gaslighting and Manipulation
26:40 Embracing a New Relationship Dynamic
28:09 The Journey of Healing and Growth
30:23 The Importance of Presence in Parenting
31:41 Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos
33:17 Actionable Steps to Cultivate Calmness

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

In this conversation, Joe Dillon, a seasoned mediator, shares his journey into mediation, influenced by his childhood experiences with divorce. He emphasizes the importance of understanding children's perspectives during parental conflicts and the need for effective communication between parents. Joe discusses the role of mediation as a peaceful alternative to litigation, highlighting the emotional and financial challenges faced by families. He provides insights into the skills necessary for effective mediation and offers techniques for dealing with difficult personalities, particularly in high-conflict situations. The conversation concludes with a message of hope for parents navigating divorce, emphasizing that with support and understanding, they can create a positive environment for their children.

Learn more about Joe Dillon at: https://www.equitablemediation.com/

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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/027stxm8Vk0 

Keywords

mediation, divorce, peacemaker, parenting, conflict resolution, emotional support, financial discussions, communication, co-parenting, family dynamics

Takeaways
- Joe's journey into mediation was influenced by his childhood experiences with divorce.
- Children are highly perceptive and aware of parental conflicts, even if they can't articulate it.
- It's crucial for parents to keep their conflicts away from their children to protect their emotional well-being.
- Mediation offers a peaceful alternative to litigation, focusing on collaboration rather than conflict.
- Parents often struggle with reluctance to mediate due to fear and emotional challenges.
- Financial realities play a significant role in divorce, and both parties need to be supported.
- Mediation can help alleviate fears and provide a clearer understanding of financial situations during divorce.
- Effective communication is key in mediation, especially when dealing with difficult personalities.
- Acknowledging and validating the other person's feelings can help facilitate resolution in conflicts.
- Education and resources empower individuals to navigate the complexities of divorce and co-parenting.

Chapters

00:00 Navigating the Holiday Rush: A Mediator's Perspective

04:19 The Impact of High Conflict Divorces on Children

09:00 The Importance of a United Front for Parents

12:49 The Role of Mediation in Divorce

16:45 The Fear of the Unknown in Divorce

21:59 Navigating Financial Realities in Divorce

27:13 Mediation vs. Litigation: A Safer Path

29:11 Finding the Right Mediator

33:07 Techniques for Dealing with Difficult Personalities

37:45 Reassurance for Parents Facing Divorce

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

In this conversation, Teresa Luse shares her journey through co-parenting and the challenges of navigating relationships with ex-partners. She emphasizes the importance of self-reflection, empathy, and communication in fostering a healthier co-parenting dynamic. Teresa discusses the impact of labeling co-parents as narcissists and encourages listeners to focus on their own actions and responses. The conversation highlights the potential for healing and growth, even in difficult situations, and offers practical strategies for improving co-parenting relationships.

Learn more about Teresa Luse at: https://teresaluse.com/

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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/nWBCnpZx3rw

Keywords

co-parenting, narcissism, emotional intelligence, self-reflection, empathy, communication, family dynamics, healing, step-parenting, conflict resolution

Takeaways

• Co-parenting requires intention and focus on the child's best interest.
• Self-reflection is key to overcoming challenges in co-parenting.
• Empathy can diffuse hostility and foster better communication.
• Labeling a co-parent as a narcissist can hinder personal growth.
• Understanding emotional immaturity can help in navigating conflicts.
• Healing from past trauma is essential for effective co-parenting.
• Dropping the baggage from past relationships can lead to a fresh start.
• Using the golden rule can improve interactions with co-parents.
• Acknowledging shared goals can create common ground in co-parenting.
• There is always potential for improvement in co-parenting relationships.

Chapters

00:00 Navigating Co-Parenting Challenges

04:03 Empowerment Through Self-Reflection

09:42 The Golden Rule in Co-Parenting

11:18 Understanding Emotional Immaturity

13:24 Defining Narcissism vs. Narcissistic Behavior

16:51 Healing from Past Trauma

19:41 Dropping the Baggage

23:38 Using Empathy to Foster Cooperation

26:23 Finding Positives in Co-Parenting

28:36 Words of Hope and Future Possibilities

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

In this conversation, Sol and Erin Levine discuss the complexities of divorce, especially during the holiday season. Erin shares her journey from being a family law attorney to founding Hello Divorce, a platform aimed at providing a more humane and accessible approach to divorce. They explore the emotional challenges of divorce, the importance of communication in co-parenting, and how technology, particularly AI, can help ease the process. Erin emphasizes the need for alternatives to the traditional lawyer-led model and offers insights on how to navigate the divorce process with less conflict and more understanding.

Learn more about Hello Divorce at: http://hellodivorce.com/

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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/fYBDVoLueig 

Keywords

divorce, co-parenting, family law, AI in divorce, Hello Divorce, communication, divorce process, mediation, access to justice, emotional health

Takeaways

• The holiday season often heightens emotions around divorce.
• Many people are unaware of alternatives to traditional divorce processes.
• Conflict is often incentivized in the legal system.
• Divorce is a significant life transition that impacts many aspects of life.
• AI can help reduce anxiety and provide clarity during divorce.
• Communication tools can lower stress and conflict in co-parenting.
• It's essential to educate oneself about divorce options before proceeding.
• Setting ground rules can help manage communication during divorce.
• Divorce doesn't have to be a battle; mediation is a viable option.
• No-fault divorce is crucial for personal freedom and safety.

Sound Bites

• "Divorce will never be easy."
• "You're on your own timeline."

Chapters
00:00 Introduction and New Year Reflections

03:05 The Journey from Attorney to Innovator

05:58 Shifting the Divorce Paradigm

08:21 Innovations in Divorce: Introducing AI

10:45 Communication Tools for Co-Parenting

12:58 Navigating Conflict and Communication

15:20 Practical Steps for Collaborative Divorce

23:02 Navigating Divorce with a Mean Lawyer

26:39 The Lightning Round: Quick Insights on Divorce

30:59 The Impact of No-Fault Divorce

34:42 Transformative Actions for Those Facing Divorce

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Sol and Louise reflect on their podcast journey, discussing the challenges of co-parenting, the importance of community support, and the valuable insights shared by their podcast guests. They highlight key episodes that resonated with listeners, emphasizing the need for child-centric approaches in high-conflict situations. The conversation also touches on future plans for the podcast.

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EPISODES MENTIONED IN THIS RECAP:

In Episode 1, narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula validates the painful reality that co-parenting with an antagonistic personality often is.

In Episode 3, attorney Ron Gore gives us tools to effectively navigate the legal system as a coparent.

In Episode 8, codependency expert Erika Wright shares her unique take on codepency and provides a roadmap to overcoming it and being the best parent you can be.

In Episode 11, attorney Tamara Rowles gives advice on how to cope and find the growth that comes with difficult experiences like divorce.

In Episode 12, narcissism expert Wendy Behary explains the underpinnings of narcissism and how to properly navigate dealing with one.

In Episode 16, high conflict experts Chris & Lisa share their techniques on strategic communication and self-representation in court.

In Episode 17, conscious uncoupling coach Greg Wheeler, shares his insights on a helpful technique to move on from the past and step into your future.

In Episode 18,  author Stephanie McPhail shares her harrowing story of physical abuse to illustrate the importance of boundaries.

In Episode 20, attorney Elise Buie warns against hiring "bulldog" attorneys who throw "hand grenades" into families, escalating conflict and costs unnecessarily.

In Episode 21, parenting expert Christina McGhee gives us some deep insights on the experience of children and reassures us that kids fare better if even just one parent remains stable and consistent. Check out the

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond