Cope Well - Behavior Therapy Skills to support Mental Health and Well-being

Learn three neuroscience-backed vagus nerve techniques: extended exhale breathing, a cold water reset, and humming/toning, and understand exactly how each one calms your body. This talk breaks down the science behind vagal tone and gives you tools you can use on your own, anytime anxiety or stress spikes. Great for anyone wanting to understand the "why" behind nervous system regulation.

Also found on Insight Timer: Vagus Nerve Hacks 101

Here’s another “minisode”…

Core idea: Avoiding an emotion doesn’t make it go away; it reinforces the nervous system’s belief that the emotion is a threat, which gives it more power over you, not less.

Key insights:

* Avoidance signals danger.

* Acceptance ≠ resignation.

* Cultural pressure works against this.

* Emotions carry information.

* The payoff of listening early.

One-line takeaway: What you resist in yourself tends to persist and intensify; what you meet with presence tends to soften and speak more quietly.

Thank you for tuning in!

Episode Description

What looks like defiance in kids — meltdowns over small changes, rigid “one right way” thinking, all-or-nothing self-talk — is often something more specific: a flexibility problem. In this episode, I break down cognitive flexibility as a teachable skill and walk through three practical tools borrowed from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and mindfulness practice.

Key Insight

Cognitive flexibility isn’t a fixed trait — it’s trainable. DBT is uniquely suited to teaching it because the whole framework is built around holding two seemingly opposite things as true at once, which is exactly the mental move rigid thinkers struggle with.

The 3 Skills

1. Dialectical Thinking — “Both/And” Instead of “Either/Or” Teach kids that two things can be true at once (”I’m frustrated with my friend and I still care about them”). Start by swapping “but” for “and” out loud; older kids can ask themselves, “What’s the both/and version of this?”

2. Wise Mind — Finding the Middle Ground Balances Emotion Mind (all feeling) and Reasonable Mind (all logic). Teach a simple pause: hand on chest, one breath, ask “What does my wise mind say right now?” Best used before the boiling point, not during a full meltdown.

3. Non-Judgmental Stance — Dropping the Good/Bad Label Counter black-and-white thinking by describing situations instead of labeling them: “Recess didn’t go the way I wanted” instead of “Recess was terrible.” Situations can be worked with; labels can’t.

Takeaway

Cognitive flexibility isn’t “just calm down” or “just think positive” — it’s a specific, learnable skill. Pick one tool, try it this week, and notice what shifts.

Why do anxious kids so often answer “I don’t know” when asked what’s wrong? In this episode, we explore how anxiety shows up in the body before it ever becomes a thought a kid can put into words and how a quick, stripped-down body scan can bridge that gap. We walk through what this actually looks like in real time with a school-refusing kid, why noticing is the first step toward facing the fear (not the whole solution), and how to pair body awareness with small, chosen exposure and a “did it anyway” list to build real resilience.

Key Takeaways

* Kids often can’t explain their anxiety in words because it’s living in the body, not yet formed into language, but they can point to where it lives

* The body reacts before the mind fully forms the anxious thought, making it the earliest and most reliable messenger

* A 30-second body check: “where do you feel something, even a little?” beats a long, formal meditation for anxious kids in the moment

* Offering a menu of body areas (stomach, chest, throat, hands) helps kids who can’t generate an answer from an open-ended question

* Noticing isn’t the endpoint; it regulates a kid enough to take a small, chosen step toward facing the fear

* Behavioral tools that pair well with body scan: graduated exposure, a “did it anyway” list, and brief after-the-fact debriefs

* Practice during calm moments, keep eyes open, and resist interpreting the feeling for the child. Let them lead

Cope Well with Dr. Ashley DeLuccia is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Show Notes

Title: Why Letting Anxious Kids Choose Their Own Breathing Technique Works Better (School Refusal Series, Part 2)

Episode Summary

In this episode, I go deep into a simple but powerful shift for helping anxious kids: instead of assigning one "correct" breathing technique, offer a menu and let the child choose. We explore why control matters so much for anxious kids, how breath interrupts the thought-feeling loop that fuels school refusal anxiety, and three specific techniques you can practice at home before the next hard morning hits.

Key Takeaways

Forcing a single breathing method on every anxious kid can backfire; it adds a task on top of the panic instead of easing it

A child's sense of control over coping strategies is linked to lower anxiety reactivity; lack of control is a key driver of anxiety in kids

Anxiety is a perceived future threat. Present-moment tools work because they interrupt the spiral before it builds

Breath is one of the few nervous system responses we can consciously control, which is why it's a fast entry point for calming down

Three options to offer: square breathing, belly breathing, or simply noticing sensations without changing them

Practice during calm moments, not mid-panic, so the skill feels familiar when it's actually needed

Related

For further listening, try the introduction to support for school refusal with a better understanding and five things your kid may be missing:

https://ashleydeluccia.substack.com/p/understanding-school-refusal?r=1naznr&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web×tamp=1.8

For personalized coaching with your situation, email me at [email protected]

In this episode, I’m addressing a topic that’s come up again in my work with families: school refusal. If your child is pushing back on going to school, it’s rarely about laziness or manipulation; it usually points to something missing. I break down five key needs that, when unmet, often show up as school refusal:

* Felt sense of safety — not just being told they’re safe, but their body actually feeling it

* A sense of control — having some say instead of everything being decided for them

* Positive relationships — a trusted adult who genuinely connects with them

* Something to look forward to — a bright spot that keeps them going through the day

* Social connection — friends and peers who make school worth showing up for

This is the first episode in a series. I’ll be breaking down one practical, research-based skill per episode so it doesn’t feel overwhelming.

🔔 Subscribe now so you don’t miss the upcoming episodes, where I’ll walk through specific DBT and mindfulness skills you can use to support a child struggling with school refusal with practical tools you can start using right away.

Episode Summary

Sometimes anxiety doesn’t feel quiet; it feels electric. Buzzy. Like you can’t sit still. In Part 2 of our somatic movement series on Cope Well, we cover three body-based techniques specifically designed for high-activation states: full-body shaking, the butterfly hug, and orienting. These are rooted in trauma-informed therapy and somatic experiencing, and they work by helping your nervous system discharge stress the way it was built to.

Key Insights

* Animals shake after stress, and so can you.

* The butterfly hug uses bilateral stimulation. Alternating taps across the chest (left, right, left, right) mimic the bilateral stimulation used in EMDR therapy. This cross-body movement helps the brain integrate emotion and signals wholeness and safety.

* Orienting tells your brain you’re safe.

* Match the tool to the activation level. Episode 1 tools (sway, press, shrug) work well for mild-to-moderate stress. Episode 2 tools are better when anxiety feels urgent, physical, or hard to sit with.

What You’ll Learn

* Why your body shakes after stress and how to use that response intentionally

* What bilateral stimulation is and how it helps regulate emotion

* How visual orienting calms the threat-detection system in your brain

* 3 active somatic techniques for high-anxiety moments

Episode Summary

Somatic movement is a great complement to breathwork and assists to create safety in the body. In this episode of the Cope Well Podcast, I share what somatic movement is, why it works from a nervous system perspective, and walk through three simple grounding movements you can use right after your next breathwork practice - no mat, no flexibility required.

Key Insights

* Somatic = body-based. Somatic movement practices work by sending signals directly to your nervous system through physical sensation - not through thought or willpower.

* Stress lives in the body. Anxiety and stress create physical tension that doesn’t always resolve on its own. Intentional movement helps complete what researchers call the “stress cycle.”

* You don’t need to feel it to benefit. These movements work even when anxiety feels subtle. Think of them as maintenance, not just crisis tools.

* The three movements in this episode:

* Shoulder Shrugs & Drops: mirrors the body’s bracing response and consciously releases it, signaling safety to the nervous system

* Spinal Sway: gentle side-to-side movement activates the spine’s direct communication line between brain and body

* Foot Press & Release: grounding through the feet activates your sense of orientation and physical safety

* Pair it with breathwork. Starting with slow breathing (try 4-count inhale, 6-count exhale) primes your nervous system to receive the benefits of somatic movement more fully.

What You’ll Learn

* What “somatic” means and why it matters for anxiety and stress

* How the nervous system responds to intentional physical movement

* 3 beginner-friendly somatic movements for grounding and regulation

* How to build a breathwork + movement regulation practice

Listen Next: Part 2 Somatic Tools for High-Activation States (shake, self-hold, orient)

In Part 2 of this series on Cope Well: Mindful Behavior Therapy Tools for Increased Calm and Happiness, we move from the why of breathwork into the how.

Mindfulness isn’t just a stress management trend. It’s your pathway back to your highest self, the version of you that is calm, clear, and deeply connected to God and purpose. When you combine intentional breathing with present-moment awareness, you’re not just managing anxiety. You’re stepping into transformation.

In this episode you’ll learn:

* How mindfulness connects you to your highest self and to God

* Why breathwork and mindfulness are two sides of the same healing practice

* The breathing technique I recommend to my new clients

* How regulation skills can be learned at any stage of life

New to the series? Start with Episode 1 to build the foundation before this practice.

CTA:

Ready to keep going? Join our Skool community, Mental Health Coping Tools - a space built for people who are serious about healing, growth, and living with more calm and intention. Inside you’ll find mindfulness practices, breathwork tools, and a supportive community walking the same path.