I failed on this one, BIG TIME. First off, I failed to order, then whuppy failed to do a bunch of stuff. This most certainly does not meet my personal standards, and I am officially apologizing. Shortly after that, some animals got bit in the parking lot, which is not normal. There’s even a chance the manager is hitting customers and employees, which some might say is a failure to manage properly. Then we move on to hotels, and I fail to hotel completely. Rosin gets his credit card information stolen, and hootis encounters a beast. Naturally, this leads to a beast trying to get our credit cards. Very not good and very failure. I apologize. Then, with minimal stoppage, we bite a couple more animals, and whuppy gets a fuzzy one in his room, and we’re out. And it’s not Tiff’s fault.

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This is definitely a double pump’d episode. It starts off with some lost food, some old food, a display model, and setting it to all 9s, then we get into the double pumping. You can’t just let customers double pump like that. It’s bad for business. On top of that? I get chicken face, and from not even that much chicken. It just sucks. It’s around this time that I get a notification on my phone that a groundhog is walking on the grass. From there we try to throw some bandaids away, but its not easy. There’s a bit more double pumping, various body parts get run over, and I speak to the criminal department. Wild One joins forces, whuppy has some gross garbage, and now you know why I say ‘thank you’.

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It’s Mark’s last day, but not for the reason you might think. Things get dark. It’s whuppy’s fault. You gotta check on your inactive employees, not check your brakes in the drive thru. We also prevent bad brand association by taking food from homeless persons. That’s about when the employee puts their fingers in my mouth. It’s not that big of a deal, I’m not even mad. Whuppy gets his eye touched and that leads to pinkeye. So I try to take a minute to just wait before the call starts, but a couple places don’t want to let that happen. There’s a little dog hating, a little dog visiting, a few more fingers in mouths, and then real quick I shave four or five dogs in the parking lot, and it’s over before you know it.

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Why is it so hard to pay full price? It seems like they’re always forcing promotional discounts on you, and I hate it. It’s a really problem issue. Wastedmemory also discoveres you get in trouble with the police when you give chicken to children. And you go straight to jail if you give chicken to the police. If the police do not want the chicken, do not give the police the chicken. They’ll just use the smell as probable cause to search your car and put you in handcuffs over chicken. It just Sucks. Like the classic problem of string on the gas pumps. I think it sucks, whuppy thinks it sucks, rosin thinks it sucks, wasted thinks it sucks, it just sucks. Wastedmemory can’t even get numbers for his computer, and the gas station seems to think we got carjacked at the checkpoint. There’s weird bathroom lighters, and pictures of my sister, and one of the employees remembers me. It just sucks. I love you.

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This show starts with a blocked bike lane. This is not only incredibly unsafe, but it’s annoying and I hate it. You have to keep the bike lane cleared. But every single call picks up. That never happens. Weird. From there, in the process of getting our orders notarized, wastedmemory and I notice that the store doesn’t want to touch our ID cards. No one wants to touch mine for sure, and no one will even look at wasted’s. This keeps up until the halfway point, plus or minus a five or ten minute thing. On the second half, we try to spice things up with a little extreme honking, and way too much coffee. I’m talking an excessive amount of coffee. Hootis runs from the cops, but Tiff makes things way too sexual, and we have to end the show early. Even the toilet and the sink were getting sexual. Not cool.

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A lot of this episode of CORNDOWN takes place in the bathroom. A lot of this episode of CORNDOWN has to do with hair. As such, the first calls are all about finding hair in the bathroom, which evokes some bad vibes and leads way to being scared in an empty bathroom. From there, whuppy and I work on hiring someone that looks just like us, and eventually give up on that and just swap out with Jeff. In the second half, the gas station bathrooms are still empty, there’s latency at the gas station and people are getting sniffed. The pumps suck, I get my car towed up there to get some chips, Tiff shaves, Snappy yodels and then it’s over.

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Listen, I don’t know what you think I saw, but I didn’t. I didn’t see anything. And that’s what we’re telling people on the phone. I saw nothing, I’m not going to say anything. This makes a lot of people apprehensive. Wastedmemory can’t feel anything though, which isn’t normal. This leads to an important question; If I saw nothing, what do I tell the police? This also agitates people. A bit later, whuppy gets us started painting stripes on things to reduce crime (obviously). Wild One wants to bring a chair to sell fireworks, and that’s a great idea for sitting. A few crisp high fives, a little Sweedishness, and it’s all over very suddenly. No arguing needed.

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This is probably the most normal episode ever, and there isn’t any heavy editing. It starts by returning a page we received on our beeper. This leads me to remembering I was banned from Hooters last night, and seeing how it affects other businesses. Wasted and I dabble in some light flashlight usage and deal with drive thu warning signs. From there, we further explore flashlight usage, encounter some maintenance psychos, fix a few trees, feel unneeded, and get a pep talk from John. It was a very normal show. You can’t prove otherwise.

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The first call is about Schwebel’s bread, which is a 120+ year old local bakery, and they announced they were shutting down shortly after this call. I thought they were a national label. I didn’t mean to get them shut down. I’m sorry. Other than that we’re shooting for 100% on this show. We try to 100% a bunch of Arby’s. They don’t like it. They don’t even let us go for 50-75%. What’s wrong with these freaks? We ask about sister sandwiches/stores and sandwich breads and buns. We try to 100% some gas stations too, but we also try to microwave our phone batteries. There’s a little bit of car washing, a little bit of standing on your car, and we’re out. It happens fast. Be ready.

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I really don’t have a great reason, but this CORNDOWN seems to revolve around nail clippings. I’m not particularly proud of this. Luckily, whuppy gets things wet, and we grab some (personal) information on the chicken, or this would have been all clippings. There is a good amount of dealing with wet things actually, such as wet chicken, wet bowls, wet rooms, and classic warm and wet. Other than that, Snappy Bakes has some gay dogs, Tiff knows all fifty states, and I’ve been keeping my toilet paper in a bag rather than flush it. That’s about it. If you need me, I’ll be on the temple level.

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