CORN DOWN Prank Calls

On this CORNDOWN, I start with worrying my dog is going to choke, starting with a small curly, with wastedmemory piling on and making the situation sticky. That leads into a stretch about sandwiches and how they’re made, tracked, questioned, handed off, and sometimes hollow. All the while wastedmemory keeps raising new issues that don’t seem to help. I deal with a strange website dog that keeps reappearing, with whuppy and wasted chiming in on that too. In between, I get stuck on Double Jeopardy with Ashley Judd and Tommy Lee Jones, applying the same kind of reasoning to hotels and dollar stores, just like a big toe that won’t quit. By the end, things blow up into bigger buggs and bigger worries, with Luxapol and whuppy pushing things until it feels just slightly not normal.

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On this CORNDOWN we start with a stretch about flagpoles that spirals into access issues once wastedmemory jumps in. From there we move into phone use, online photos including people, and a long microwave stint that somehow turns into a serious issue with violent foil and pants. Wastedmemory discovers how hard turning fifteen thousand dollars is, and whuppy turns in the whole room. By the end, we’re all just a little more confused than before.

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On this CORNDOWN, I start with a run of calls where I try to get people to guess my weight, while whuppy jumps in with his own twist on the “same pants” problem that plagues hotels. That pushes me to snap and leads to all kinds of smoking-the-hotel trouble and a short streak of pirate-themed nonsense before we drift into a long stretch about pillows. Taking pillows, pillow punishment, taking other peoples pillows as punishment, etc. somehow making each version more normal than the last. From there, things shift into people forgetting food, paying things forward and takin things back again, snapping stuff, talking crazy, and wondering where the fry guy went. By the end, it’s bathroom disasters, strange menu punishments, and getting hit with sticks for reasons, which is also normal.

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On this episode of CORNDOWN, I explore the idea of doing things in threes and spend some time trying to protect products, with whuppy and buccshot adding their own takes. We spend a lot of time estimating and assessing, which very naturally leads into things like potato hands and hotel transcripts. Totally normal, I promise. Towards the end, I do some Beyoncés, Tiff extracts crititical corporate espionage information, and we recieve concerning mysterious emails, which possibly should not be believed. Jame closes it out with a looping situation that feels like we’ve been down this path before. But it’s NORMAL.

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This episode runs on the same kind of chaotic mall-parking-lot energy as the others. There’s a cat hanging around outside, dad’s trying to go viral, and opting to believe bushes may be persons. There are private-investigator vibes, weird mouth problems, floating-in-water food, and a lot of DIYing that feels like someone is making up rules as they go. Teeth keep disappearing, multiplying, or getting counted, and the Fry Guy hasn’t been heard from in a while. Overall, it’s people trying to manage totally normal situations while slipping into strange little confirmed governmental conspiracies.

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On this CORNDOWN we start with arguing about whether we need emergency blankets or if regular ones work. I try to shave a few seconds off before we get weird with first aid kits, and whuppy gets in trouble for taking too long. A raccoon in a bag shows up, things get spooky and creepy, and I keep getting messed with on the phone even though I’m dry heaving. I aso get police statements for no real reason, catalyst and I try to get our ears fixed, and buccshot keeps circling back to peanuts. By the end I’m stuck to my own clothes, guys are opening doors wrong, and a couple of us try to shave… or at least learn how!

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On this CORNDOWN I run into disabled cars over and over, each one worse than the last, while whuppy tries to impose speed limits and ends up talking about Halloween bones. The whole thing drifts into being treated like vampires, spiders, goblins, etc. before we get stuck counting really high room numbers. Somewhere in there, arms get broken and my finger got ripped off at the drive-thru. wastedmemory brings chili into it, of course, and Tifff and fuzzy make things worse with spider eggs and potatoes. It closes out with some typical ghosts in the chili, a pepperoni mistake and I just try to get parked without causing more trouble.

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This CORNDOWN starts with me trying to report some accomplices to unwilling management, and whuppy uncovers a brown leather jacket man incident. Next I take a data dump or two and things get weird fast with loose files, Walmart bags, and papers being served back and forth like it’s a courtroom. There’s far too much milk, and far too few crackheads, with buccshot puffing away in the 420 zone while I look for a way out (so I can find a way back in). Catalyst shows up with freezer food and bedbug problems, whuppy gets a drive-thru dog involved, and it all ends with mysterious pictures and one last messy data dump that doesn’t make anything better.

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This CORNDOWN starts with people trying to smoke in my glasses. Whuppy brings soup issues into the mix, such as who’s eating it, who’s spilling it, and which employees are making a mess of my glasses with it. Everything gets foggy, soup related and otherwise, and before long we’re talking about early refills, and prescriptions onions. wastedmemory and I get wrapped up in more prescription issues and debating if Wendy’s should make you a little sick, while Tifff experiments with recreational potatoes. By the end, shirts get stained by pants, food gets found, we get sick again, and everyone learns an important lesson about soup.

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On this CORNDOWN I keep getting stuck at a Wendy’s with no drive-thru and trying to prove I’m certified for something while also deleting my Facebook over and over because people keep saying they saw someone who looks just like me. Paper becomes an issue as I try to use it as plates, then wastedmemory shows up and we get into receipts and documents to get a sandwich across state lines or avoid a taser. Whuppy runs into random guys and Buckshot deals with a rude delivery driver.Then I learn how to flush in the hotel, it’s as easy as a snake. Then, with Fuzzy’s help, I also learn to turn on the TV. To close it out Buckshot rides fingerboards in the lobby, and Tifff composts who-knows-what in her hotel room. Overall it’s rated Normal/10.

This show is made possible by donations from listeners like you. If you enjoy what you hear, please consider donating via patreon or paypal!

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