CORN DOWN Prank Calls

This one feels like a crime scene slowly unraveling in a Denny’s. It starts with evidence bags piling up, with Fabian schemes in the background, and suspicious amounts of high numbers of teeth-related reports coming in. All I know is, Denny’s is at the heart of it all. Soups and slams getting mixed or unmixed, even zodiac signs somehow coming into play. Police trespass becomes a recurring issue, hinting at either botched investigations or an ongoing standoff between the police and Denny’s patrons. Plates and glasses break (doesn’t matter who’s fault), foreign objects turn up, and meals get swapped out in strange trades. There’s a sense of strategy with more Fabian-style delays mixed with sudden panic button presses. By the end, between tip scams, Wendy’s juiciness, and more evidence than anyone can reasonably store, it’s hard to tell if this was ever about solving a mystery or just creating a new one.

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This set starts with sandwiches getting painted yellow. It moves into conflict inside the CD players, which probably shouldn’t cause that much tension unless the employee is flirting. Then sandwiches take over. There’s a lot of confusion: who’s touching them, whose sandwich it even is, whether they’re being shared, stolen, burned, or just sat on. Fries and soda catch fire too. The vibe is paranoia and possibly arson. Squirrels show up with violent intent, with unexpected closures, premonitions, and maybe even a murder tally. Naked smoking, strange room guests, and fake relationships round things out in a way that feels a little too normal.

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This CORNDOWN spins out of control fast, starting with employees being used,possibly emotionally or logistically. That spirals into apple smoking, which feels both literal and like a stand-in for some deeper, metaphorical meaning. But it’s just an apple. There’s tension with police, as usual, something about raspberries being missing, and a whole subplot around someone named Jessica and her Arby’s. Chairs are being moved like they’re forbidden. As things crack further, you get dogs with rabies, chain-based boiler punishments, electrical tape fixes, and meat that might not be okay to eat. Someone’s offering help, but nobody’s actually there. It’s lonely, chaotic, and weird. Just like me.

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This CORNDOWN follows a steady escalation of penny-based activity. Tossing, spreading, dropping them in lobbies, even turning them into some kind of mortar or protest or something. There’s also a lot of poor employee driving, repeated and increasingly dramatic, including crashes or wild maneuvering. Meanwhile, there’s gum in my son’s fries, sketchy food combos, and someone handing out slips of paper like they’re evidence. Then ButtEye tries for a fake romantic setup, and there’s a few unusual attempts at entry through windows. By the end, it all folds into pet adoption talk, vape complaints, elevator confusion, and we all get grounded.

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A strangely intimate look at breakfast and violence—sometimes at the same time. We start with a couple rounds of Ice Cream b/w Violence, bounce through some hotel knob evaluations and best room competitions, and land in a series of escalating calls for just breakfast that spiral into close-quarters smoking and theoretical violence. Blankets and towels get mixed up with paper-based aggression, and wuppy demands breakfast with increasing urgency. Repeated shocks—from outlets and ice cream alike—lead into the mysterious saga of hickeys which somehow gets several calls. Things wrap up with hotel canaries, emotional manipulation, and the always-dangerous offering of the benefit of the doubt.

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This one drifts from smoky basements to crumbling online identities. We kick things off with turkey bacon, home smokers, and a lot of weird cigarette gas complaints—some of which seem to involve store employees just absolutely refusing to acknowledge reality. wastedmemory digs into forgotten MySpace alternatives while snappy bakes insists on the existence of “vanilla mothballs.” We spiral into mothball hell before resurfacing for stories about white circles, questionable plumbing, and whatever ends up being the reason for us being there. ButtEye shows up with some bathroom thoughts, wuppy runs into dirty dish problems, and there’s a brief flirtation with jail time, probably over party pricing.

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This episode flies all over the place—literally. It opens with sleep tracking and mileage disputes, then dives into an ongoing saga about birds: healthy ones, loose ones, and whether or not they’re part of some larger plan. I take the lead on the bird logistics, while wastedmemory ends up dealing with weird “Do Not Disturb” violations, and there’s an uncomfortable amount of grapefruit talk. Gunnerman Bill pitches a dog to a restaurant, wuppy brings in a cremated pet, and ButtEye and bhenchodester do a cultural deep-dive that probably didn’t need to happen. Somewhere in the middle, there’s romance, broken outlets, and a box—maybe for a bird?

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On this one, wuppy fills in for wastedmemory and really leans into some strange hospital logic and bee management techniques. I try to keep things on track with some fast food arguments and a few misunderstandings about who’s dead and what it costs. The whole show kind of spirals around leeches, bacteria, and whether or not it’s ok to be a hospital. ButtEye checks in with some breakroom vibes, bhenchodester keeps ordering the wrong size fries, and we all end up back at the hospital Arby’s trying to get a DNR form swapped out without making it weird.

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This episode of CORNDOWN has a lot of energy—starting head first and sliding straight into the recurring saga of accidental fatherhood and surprise bathroom births. Wastedmemory helps drive some extremely uncomfortable conversations, especially around sex, smell, and I do some religion accomodations. We argue a lot about whether you’re supposed to load tip up front, and things just kind of unravel from there: pens get borrowed, products get injuries, someone ends up naked in a car, and there’s confusion about cultural Asian sensitivity at nearly every turn. ButtEye shows up with some Sweedish fish, wuppy repeatedly crosses the line, and Larry’s just vaping through it.

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This one’s got no wastedmemory but a lot of shampoo—like, a suspicious number of cartons—and way too many people hiding in bushes or punching walls for it to be normal. I try to deal with someone in the bushes around the property, repeatedly damaging the room, and a very specific Arby’s situation. ButtEye gets sent straight to jail, snappy bakes gets into werewolves again, and wuppy deals with some kind of animal in a hotel room. There’s a broken nozzle, a vampire thing, some ironing issues, and a helicopter that may or may not have landed in the parking lot. Mostly not.

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