Cosmic Triggers with Sam

This is a new segment requested by my friend and listener John. I will talk about things that make me happy. No more than 10 minutes in length. This is the ASMR of podcasts. It is recorded in a field with the sound of birds and trees blowing in the wind. Recommended to listen before bed or when you’d just like to wind down or relax some. Hope it’s as nice for you to listen as it was for me to make this!

Don’t let the title fool you. I think self love is something talked about a lot but rarely understood. Heck, I don’t really know what it means. But I’m starting to get glimpses of it, I think. I think we’re taught to give ourselves entirely to another. That is love. But then why does love and relationships always seem to fall short? Why are we left disappointed and unhappy? I think we rely too much on others to love us. I think the love we give to others and want in return cannot be given back by another, but from you. That is what this episode is about.

This episode is vulnerable. Probably the most vulnerable I’ve been yet. I talk about my sexual trauma. How society only wants to look at the “good” or positive things and ignore the bad. And what can happen when we ignore what is in all of us. Thich Nhat Hanh talks about interbeing. How there can’t be right without left, up without down. The same is true for joy and suffering. Happiness and sadness. Beauty and ugliness. We have everything inside of us. We aren’t all joy and beauty and sunshine. We have darkness. And if we never discuss it and suppress it, it comes out in harmful ways.

Todays episode is a continuation of our inner child part I. This will probably be a series because I’m realizing there is a lot of work to do with our little child inside. This is just some of my own experiences with little Sam and how I’m learning to heal her.

This episode is about connection. What is real connection? We think we have it because we can reach each other in an instance. But what does that take away from us? What do we lose? I think we lose warmth and love and true connection. Looking into a real humans eyes. Sitting with someone. Holding them. Feeling their warmth and love and pain. We lose this when we rely on social media. This is another very important episode. I hope it finds you well.

I spent the past few days in West Virginia to climb, and instead learned a bunch of stuff about myself and just people in general. We have a child inside all of us who knows so much and can help us in so many ways, if we just listen to them. One of the most important episodes in my opinion. I hope you find something here ❤️

I haven’t used marijuana in a while. But I did this day and then took a bath. And it was an experience, let me tell you. Your body is incredible. Laying in water is incredible. The fact that water comes out of a faucet is incredible. There are little joys and wonders in everything. That’s not even what this podcast episode is about. It’s just a ramble. I hope it’s somewhat coherent. Regardless, thank you for being here.

After a little more than a week of integrating a bell into my life that goes off every 15 minutes to remind me to breathe, I have some updates. I feel calm. I’m happy almost always. I smile a lot. I see subtlety’s in things I did not see before. I’m quiet. My mind is quiet. I don’t respond to people or things right away, but first take a breathe to assess how I’m feeling and a better way to answer. It feels like the world is a wonder, that I am a wonder. If you have the time, I suggest watching this video. It talks about a lot of things, but it’s helped me tremendously. https://youtu.be/fOI_UlAm-LU

Thich Nhat Hanh said “the only way to ease our fear and be truly happy is to acknowledge our fear and look deeply at its source. Instead of trying to escape from our fear, we can invite it up to our awareness and look at it clearly and deeply.” This episode is just about that, inspired by my partner who constantly acknowledges his fear and faces it when it comes, instead of ignoring it or abandoning it. What if fear is just a newborn baby who needs someone to take care of it and love it and see it’s source. I hope you find something in this, I certainly did while making it. I’m starting to see fear as a friend, or just someone who needs to be loved in order to transform.

What happens when you are cracked open? When you acknowledge all of the parts of yourself, the good and bad. When you delve deeper and deeper into yourself no matter what you find. I believe you can spend a lifetime doing this. And I believe the deeper you go, and the more open and loving and real and vulnerable you are, the more you can experience and love and see and enjoy. When we go deeper and heal the not so shiny stuff, we find gold. And there’s plenty to share. This is inspired by a lovely partner of mine who from the moment I met him has been nothing but a loving and open vessel.