In the previous episode, I talked about what emotional armor is and the reasons many of us carry this guard to protect ourselves from hurt, pain, or disappointment.

But as we already learned, emotional armor is a product of our fear - fear to get hurt or fear to feel pain.

We develop this coping mechanism since we haven't healed certain parts of ourselves, haven't overcome our traumas, or haven't felt through emotions we need to heal.

Since the last week, we talked about the definition and reasons for our emotional guard. In today's episode, I will teach you five steps on how to let this emotional armor go, put it down, and protect yourself by developing emotional and mental resilience rather than guarding yourself.

Step #1 is to acknowledge you are guarded. I know this sounds simplistic to many of us but sometimes admitting that we have this guard that doesn't allow us to receive and enjoy everything we want is the most confronting part of the transformation.

Step #2 is to reflect on how was this armor protecting you. Realizing that your guard is nothing but the illusion of safety creates profound insights and understanding that armoring up won't protect you in the first place.

Step #3 is to develop a new coping mechanism by allowing yourself to feel your emotions.

Step #4 is to confront your fear of pain or hurt. Get into a habit of asking yourself, "What is the worst that can happen if I open up?"

Step #5 is to confront your pain and understand that unless you decide to heal and feel the pain that has been stored inside of you for months or even years, you won't allow yourself to feel good emotions either.

Think of the armor as a door. Once you close it, once you put it up, nothing can go out in terms of healing, but nothing can go in in terms of love, joy, and happiness.

In today's episode, I want to talk to all of my tough cookies, who are carrying this illusionary shield, or as I call it, the "emotional guard" for protection.

We guard up because we got hurt. Since we don't want to feel this way again, we armor up, hoping it will protect us from experiencing this pain again.

Do you know what I found out, my friend? This guard is nothing but an illusion, and it's based on fear. It took me a long time to understand that guarding myself is a waste of my time and effort.

We armor up because of three main reasons.

1. We are afraid to get hurt 2. We don't want to be seen, so we choose perfection over authenticity 3. We don't know how to cope with pain, so we reach for this toxic coping mechanism to keep our emotions under control.

Since our emotional armor is a product of our fear of hurt, it doesn't allow us to heal because we are not feeling our emotions.

We are in fear to feel. And if we are in fear to feel, we can't process our emotions and move through them.

Today, I want you to reconsider the armor you are carrying around. Be honest and ask yourself, "Has this been working for me? Has this been helping me to deal with my traumas and heal my toxic traits?" OR "Has this been keeping me in fear and preventing me from opening up?"

Well, hello there, my beautiful soul.

In today's episode, I will teach you how to build emotional resilience but before I dive deeper, let me give you a simple definition of what it means.

Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt to stressful situations and cope with life's ups and downs. Resilience does not eliminate stress or erases life's difficulties but allows you to tackle or accept problems and live through adversity.

Resilience is also about accepting what is, letting go of resistance to what's happening, and then dealing with it as it is not as we wish it would be. From my personal experience, more resistance creates more suffering.

Yes or yes?

Now, let's move to an exciting part of this episode, and that's how to build emotional resilience in three simple ways. What I want to share with you today is what's been working for me and how I understand and practice this powerful skill.

Way #1 is to remind yourself to surrender. How much suffering do we bring on ourselves just by wishing for things to be better or for people to act differently?

You will find power and control when you choose to look in the mirror, not outside of it.

Way #2 is to learn to sit in discomfort. I teach you to bet on yourself. To bet on your inner strength and your resources you have within. Sitting in discomfort is one of those resources.

Way #3 is to ask yourself one simple question: "Who do I want to be or how do I want to act in the time of adversity?"

Any transformation or growth requires one essential skill, and that's self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the willingness to see and acknowledge who you are, with all your imperfections, toxic traits, wounds, strengths, and weaknesses.

Being aware is about being responsible for your life, thoughts, emotions, and actions. To me, my friend, that's power.

Many of us fear acknowledging the truth about who we are. We are afraid that we won't like it, or we feel worse about ourselves.

But the truth is that the first step towards change is to know what you want and need to change.

In today's episode, I will teach you how to learn, develop and practice the skill of self-awareness with five simple steps.

First, you learn how to exercise your willingness to be honest with yourself, your strengths as well as your weaknesses and things you need to heal.

Second, you will observe your behavior regularly and learn to recognize your patterns.

As a third step, you will ask yourself open-minded and powerful questions to become more aware.

The next step is going to be about gathering constructive feedback from people who love and support you.

And last but not least, you will acknowledge your strengths, things you are good at, and all the benefits you bring to the table.

One of the most common questions or concerns people share with me is how to properly deal with what we call the "hard stuff."

Since our desire to feel good, to feel happy and excited about life is strong, our desire to stop feeling sad, depressed, or betrayed is even greater.

But when we push those uncomfortable emotions away and try to drink away, binge away, or work away from our pain, what we are doing is pushing this pain even deeper into our subconscious.

The goal of healing and developing emotional resilience isn't to push away or push deeper, but to push up to maximize your growth. You can only heal what you can feel.

There are four most common reasons why we choose to opt-out of our emotions. Those are denial, fear, the uncertainty of where to start, and our ego.

When we give ourselves permission to feel, the ego doesn't drive us, we break through denial, and the fear we had about the discomfort and pain turns into relief and healing.

In today's episode, I share with you the benefits of embracing painful emotions. At the end of the episode, we will put this theory into practice where I lea\d you through a simple exercise.

For many of us, the idea of "How do I love myself?" is a million-dollar question. I will answer it in today's episode since there has been a lot I learned in these past months.

Look at self-love as a skill you want to learn and develop. Like any skill, it takes a little bit of time and practice to get it "right" or become more familiar with it.

For me, self-love requires three things - awareness, strength, and action.

You become aware of your triggers and what makes you question or hustle for your worth.

Then, you have to have the strength to make choices and decisions that aren't always easy but necessary for your well-being. And then you have to put it into practice since love is a verb, not only a feeling.

The best time to test the level of self-love and self-respect comes when you are in the arena, in real-life situations.

In the second part of this episode, I will share with you three steps on how to develop more love and respect towards yourself.

As I mentioned earlier, the first step is to recognize your triggers and understand your behavior.

The second step is to commit to this journey. Consider it your very first serious "attempt" to love and respect yourself.

And last but not least, get into a habit of making what I call "hard choices", respect your boundaries and standards and understand the definition of "choosing yourself."

Have you ever left a relationship, a job, or a situation and couldn't understand why you stayed in it for so long even though it wasn't good for you?

You may be asked yourself "Why did I tolerate it?"

As human beings, we are flexible. We adapt, we blend in, we change and we adjust to whatever situation we are in if we are in it long enough.

And whatever seemed once unacceptable, becomes insignificant because we get used to it.

The question is "Do we tolerate certain things because they move us forward and help us grow or because we are selling ourselves short and hustle for connection and approval?"

In today's podcast episode, I will lead you through four steps on how to recognize this pattern of behavior and what to do about it.

The first step is to define whether this is a reoccurring pattern, meaning you keep tolerating the same things over and over while not being comfortable with them.

The second step is to define why you tolerate something and whether it is coming from a place of healthy sacrifice or lack of self-respect.

The third step is to ask yourself these questions: "Do I want to keep tolerating this?" "Is this helping me grow or understand something?" "Is it moving me forward or keeping me stuck and brings me down?"

Although these questions are confronting, they often bring up the truth we need to see.

The last step is to set a standard and define your boundaries and commit to respecting them.

How often do you find yourself in constant doubt when it comes to your decisions? You are going back and forth between multiple options, then consult your problems with numerous people, gather seven different opinions while feeling even more confused and unsure than at the beginning. 

So often, people come to me and ask me; "What should I do? What is the best thing I can do?"

And I always tell them that they already know the answer. 

The problem isn't in not knowing what you need or want to do but in unsettling self-doubt whether the decision you are about to make will be the "right" one. 

Since I've been contemplating the question of self-trust for a while now, in today's podcast episode I am going to lead you through a step-by-step proven formula that I've been using to trust myself more and support my decision-making. 

Here are the six steps:

Step #1 Is expert advice necessary?

Step #2 The importance of shutting down the noise

Step#3 The impact of your environment on your decision-making

Step#4 Why taking responsibility bread confidence 

Step#5 Mind VS. heart decisions

Step#6 Set a deadline

Developing a support system for yourself is one of the fundamental ways on how to work towards transformation and overcome personal challenges.

When we talk about the support system, we often refer to our family or friends, our therapist, coach, or a mentor.

Although the support of your environment is essential for effective growth, what can you do, personally, to support yourself?

Your support system is a set of rules, tools, or personal commitments and boundaries you develop with yourself. Being aware of what you need the most when facing a challenge or overcoming a toxic trait is an act of self-love that breeds respect.

In today's podcast episode, I will share with you four parts of my support system I developed for a better and healthier lifestyle.

The first part of my support system is scheduling time for reflecting, observing as well as crying. It is the time when I vent when I allow myself to feel vulnerable and observe my triggers and unconscious behaviors in the past weeks.

The second part of my support system is shutting down the noise and developing more trust in myself.

The next part of my self-support to sit with my emotions without trying to change them or make them better.

The last part of my support system is to distance myself from a situation that highly upsets me to think about it, process it, and circle back to talk about it.

Many of us worry a lot. We worry about our families, friends, our future, our jobs.

But think about this: "How many things we worry about never actually happen?"

Since we all know the true answer to this question, it's imperative to learn the skill of emotional management by being aware of our thoughts and working with them.

Handling challenges isn't about surviving them but also about managing the amount of stress we feel in the process.

In today's podcast episode, I will teach you how to better manage your mind and how to train yourself to focus more on possibilities than obstacles.

We will practice two fundamental questions to effectively manage your mind and handle unexpected, difficult, or unwanted situations.

The first question we practice is "What is the worse that can happen if...(fill in the blank).

The second question we practice is "What is the absolute best that can happen if...(fill in the blank).

Except for these two questions, I will teach you how to break down difficult situations in your life and find the lesson in them. I will also show you how to manage the relationship between your thinking and feeling brain.