Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Silence, in the context of conflict, can have many meanings. When someone stops communicating, the other person or other people must guess what it means – and the interpretation might be incomplete or completely wrong. On a more positive note, when people are in conflict and one embraces silence to truly listen carefully to what someone else is saying, that silence shows respect and helps possible solutions to the conflict surface and be heard.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Learning to deal with conflict well, just like learning to swim, is a teachable life skill. We are, understandably, afraid of the danger that water can pose. When we learn to swim, we handle that danger and that fear better. So, too, with conflict. When we learn to handle it better, with more competence and more confidence, we fear it less.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Genevieve Chornenki was a seasoned dispute resolution consultant when an avoidable medical event with serious consequences thrust her into new roles. From her perspective as someone who had served as a neutral in a wide range of processes, she experienced being an injured person, a complainant, a client, and a person labelled as a victim.

Genevieve shares some highlights of the insights she sets out in her book, “Don’t Lose Sight: vanity, incompetence, and my ill-fated left eye”. She encourages potential purchasers to order it through a local, independent bookstore if possible. If not, it is available through online retailers in both paperback and electronic formats. You can reach Genevieve at [email protected]. She invites you to follow her on Instagram, @chornenkigenevieve. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

PPI is Purposeful Planning Institute. At PPI’s RendeZoom, Betsy Erickson, Steve Legler, and I led a breakout session on Leaning into Conflict, with confidence and competence. Here are a few take-aways for trusted advisors. Though it’s not helpful to ignore your own discomfort with conflict, owning up to it is fine!  The families that advisors work with frequently believe that they are the only ones who experience interpersonal conflict. Simply assuring client families that other families struggle provides significant client service. In some circumstances, an advisor who has no particular expertise in conflict management will be able to help the family over a small hurdle. And if the conflict facing a family is more than you as an advisor feel you can or should take on – there is help out there. People whose focus is on helping families work through the challenges of promoting good conflict and addressing the bad. Just reach out.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Specific written plans to deal with potential conflict can be helpful: both by acknowledging that conflict happens and by having a process in place when it is needed.  Those specifics are themselves part of a plan: a contract, a family charter, a workplace policy.  Many of us find planning hard to do: we need to face difficult facts, make tough decisions, and devote resources (time, money, and energy) to doing it well. Three steps can help us get past our own or our clients’ conflict: acknowledge that it is difficult; start with something simple instead of nothing; and expect to review and make changes in the future.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Betsy recognizes that conflict is a normal occurrence in families, and helps families engaged in philanthropy to understand that they are not alone in experiencing it. In fact, family conflict may emerge for the first time when families create the structures and make the decisions necessary for wise philanthropy.  She and her team are alert for the first signs of conflict and work with families to address it before lasting damage can occur. Betsy mentioned The National Center for Family Philanthropy https://www.ncfp.org/. You can learn more about her work at https://www.arabellaadvisors.com/.   You can reach her through    [email protected] or 202.595.1036.

We also talk about our session, with Steve Legler, at the Purposeful Planning Institute’s RendeZoom, July 21 through July 23, virtually. Our session: How can advisors lean into conflict, with confidence?  is designed to be engaging and interactive. It’s not too late to join us! Here’s the link to learn more and to register: https://purposefulplanninginstitute.com/2021-rendezoom.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Enterprising families and legacy families need to embrace a balance between unity and independence. Unity that is more accurately described as forced lockstep is dangerous. At the same time, honoring family values and the value of staying together will temper leaning too far into independence.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

:Trauma plays a significant and underappreciated role in conflict. What triggers us and what triggers others is a reflection of our past traumatic experiences: as individuals, as descendants, and as a reflection of our times.  Monica Clare is a mediator and leadership coach who focuses on family businesses. We discuss her personal experiences and the methodologies she uses. Learn more about Otto Scharmer’s Theory U here: https://www.ottoscharmer.com/theoryu and The Presencing Institute here: https://www.presencing.org/. Learn more about Thomas Huebl and his work on healing collective trauma and the Collective Trauma Integration Process here: https://thomashuebl.com/. The work of Clare Graves led to the development of the theory of Spiral Dynamics; Ken Wilber built on that theory with his Integral Theory.

Learn more about Monica at her website or on LinkedIn: https://www.monica-clare.ca/ and https://www.linkedin.com/in/monica-clare-508a842/ . You can contact her here: [email protected].

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

The question of timing is worth your attention. It’s not everything, but it is something that can profoundly affect how well conflict is handled. The “when” question has two steps. First step, when to broach the subject of having a conversation. Second, when to have the conversation. Sometimes, but not always, those will be the same. As a first step, you may be seeking the commitment of the other person to address what is going on. For more on the need to seek a commitment to address the conflict, tune in to Episode 39, published on September 25, 2019 – on any podcast app or here: https://bit.ly/2SL2SGs.

Broach the subject when the other person (or people) are most likely to be receptive to the overture. Think about the calendar, their schedule, and when this particular person is at their best. Set up for a successful conversation.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Confirmation bias, the tendency to look only for data that supports an opinion, reinforces negative conflict. We can overcome confirmation bias when we work to be aware of it, we consider where we get information (an “echo chamber” doesn’t help), how we glean information (go beyond sensational headlines), and interpret information (not a knee-jerk acceptance or rejection, but a thoughtful approach). Better still, we can try to avoid surrounding ourselves with people who think just like us.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.