Crafting Solutions to Conflict

In the context of preventing and resolving bad conflict, “jumping in” will typically be a bad idea.

Why? Because it is fast. That’s the whole point. Life today both prizes speed and forces it as the world seems to change faster and faster. The problem? Fast serves us well when being chased by a tiger, but not so well in many other situations. 

When we allow ourselves some time to actually think, with reason, our decisions tend to be better ones. 

Occasionally, jumping in is exactly the right thing to do in the context of conflict. When there is misinformation. When there is genuine misinterpretation. When an essential piece of information is not yet available, but will be soon. We can jump in to suggest a pause.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Buddy Thomas joins me to talk about his book: Love, Wisdom, Money: The Family Fiduciary’s Guide to Generative Wealth. We discuss the higher standards of being a family fiduciary and how family leaders become one. Buddy also describes the phases of the intergenerational wealth journey the families can be found in: Accumulators, Harvesters, Stewards, Survivors, or Heirs. 

You can learn more about his work and the book here: https://lovewisdommoney.com/

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

To infer means to guess or use reasoning. Another definition is to conclude or judge from premises or evidence.

To imply means to suggest indirectly or to indicate something without actually stating it. I, the listener or reader, need to try to figure out the message that you, the speaker or writer, are sending. 

And I might guess wrong. 

Not only am I interpreting what I hear and read through my personal filter. I am also trying to read through the lines to understand what you are trying to tell me.

Double the trouble? Exponentially harder?

I don’t know. I do know that we can be careful about what we imply, and we can try to avoid creating unnecessary problems. And we can be aware of our filter and consider when it might be doing us more harm than good. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

My most recent guest, Gerry O’Sullivan, talked with me about her process, The Journey of Inference. As she puts it succinctly: “Our Journey of Inference interprets the world of observable data according to our unique perspective or paradigm.”

It’s clear from Gerry’s process and our conversation that our inferences can get us into trouble, precisely because we each carry a unique perspective or paradigm.

Dictionary definitions of infer are, if not quite unique, not fully consistent.

For example, one says infer means to conclude through reasoning. Another than infer means to guess or use reasoning. And yet another states

Infer can mean “to derive by reasoning; conclude or judge from premises or evidence.”

It’s that guessing, those premises, that can wreak havoc. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

Gerry O’Sullivan, an experienced mediator and trainer of mediators, joins me. We talk about her process, The Journey of Inference. We talk about how our beliefs and world view shape it. Gerry explains how we move from observation to interpretation to assumption to conclusion and action.  And Gerry uses stories to illustrate how specific questions can help us understand potential missteps on that journey. You can learn more about Gerry and her work here:  https://www.osullivansolutions.ie/ You can also sign up for a free newsletter, view free videos, and get a taste of her book, The Mediator's Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes (2nd Edition).

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

Our initial reaction to criticism can be exactly that: a reaction more than a response. And it can be black or white.

Neither of those things tends to help.

Better. Remind yourself that very few things in life are genuinely black or white.

Take a pause. Take a breath.  Take a look at the criticism. No need to beat up on yourself or on the other person. 

View the criticism through a careful lens. One that includes analysis and also kindness to yourself and some grace to the other person. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

In the story of the Angry Man, the Buddha illustrates how to disarm criticism based or anger or rudeness. A young man came to insult the Buddha, but the Buddha did not become angry or insulted. Instead, he calmly asked the man a question: 

"If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it, to whom does it belong?". 

The young man replied that the gift would belong to the person who offered it. The Buddha then calmly responded: 

The young man replied that the gift would belong to the person who offered it. The Buddha then calmly responded: 

"And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me". 

Although we may be less calm, and might be wise to say nothing, the lesson remains: we don’t have to accept everything that is thrown at us.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Sam Osborne joins me today. We talk about his book, How to Beat the Imposter Syndrome and Be Confident.  We discuss the need to know your own values, how to deal with criticism positively, and how to believe in yourself when others don’t.

You can learn more about Sam’s work and find resources at  https://www.selfworthsam.com/. Sam’s social media handle is selfworthsam.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

The mediation process can be tailored to the needs of the participants and the mediator. In fact, the process can evolve a bit over the course of multiple mediation sessions.

The process can be focused on a very specific, time-limited, dispute that has erupted. Or it can be all about damaging simmering tensions that are lurking beneath the surface – with no blow-up … yet. Different situations, different approaches. 

The framework can be structured to the needs and goals. 

Will we even use the word “mediation”?  In my work, at times the word itself is thought to sound too harsh. 

Serving the people in conflict well is the whole point. Taking full advantage of mediation’s beautiful flexibility furthers that goal. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

When I started way back in January of 2019, conventional wisdom was that most podcasts die out after seven episodes. Now, over six years later, 90% of podcasts don’t make it past three episodes. They say that’s largely due to creators underestimating how much work is involved.  When I launched the podcast, I knew that I wanted to have a voice about conflict. A positive and practical perspective. That's been my goal all along and it will continue to be.  I remain convinced that we can all get more confident and more competent about dealing with conflict. There is plenty of work involved. To me, it’s worth the effort.  I welcome your suggestions about potential guests.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/