Crafting Solutions to Conflict

In mediation, an impartial person helps the people involved to reach an agreement that works for them. 

Mediation is often said to consist of three main types.Some mediators stick quite closely to one approach.  Others feel comfortable favoring one or another in different situations. The lines can blur in practice more than they do in theory. 

Broadly speaking, the main “types” are evaluative, facilitative, and transformative.  Transformative is the least well-known of them. A fourth, narrative mediation, pops up occasionally in discussions in the conflict resolution field. 

Their names describe them well.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

Phyllis Weiss Haserot joins me today. Phyllis has been curious about cross-generational communication for decades. She built on her natural ability with education and experience. We talk about the danger of making assumptions, the value in asking good questions, and the importance of continuing conversations. 

You can reach her by email here: [email protected], find her on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pwhaserot/.

Her website, https://youcantgoogleit.com/ , contains tips and insights, as well as information about her books.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Last time, I talked about the virtue of making a plan. 

The situation isn’t good. Bad conflict is brewing. You have decided that it’s time for a chat.

You want this chat to be productive. So how do you set up for success? One way to work through the set-up is to break it down.   Why?  Who? When? How? Where? What? 

       Excellent. You have made a plan. A good one. 

Oops.  As plans do, this one is about to fall apart. Something – or a few things – have changed. 

Now what? You can use the same approach to figure out your pivot.

Of course, I have framed this all of this as considering how to set up for a productive chat and then pivot ahead of time.

If the pivot needs to happen after the chat has begun, resist any temptation to plow ahead. Give yourself and the other person (or people) a chance to take a pause. Reconsider and then figure out what that pivot should look like. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Let’s imagine for a moment that you have decided that it’s time for a conversation, chat, or discussion.

One way to work through the set-up is to break it down.  Why?  Who? When? How? Where? What? 

Giving careful thought to the planning process gives a boost to the probability of success. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

We send a message by the language we use.  In my work, some people don’t want to engage in mediation because they feel the connotation is too negative. But they are comfortable with the idea that I would be that trained, impartial third person who helps them navigate their way to a resolution.  If that language works for them, it’s fine by me.

In informal settings, without a third party, what do you say when you want to broach a topic that might be challenging? 

Can we chat? Are you open to a conversation? Do you agree we need to discuss … whatever it is. Is it time for a meeting?

Should we have a heart-to-heart?

We can be conscious of our choice of language to describe this proposed interaction.  It sets the stage from the outset.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Chuck Wisner joins me to talk about his book, The Art of Conscious Conversations: Transforming how we talk, listen, and interact. We discuss four conversations that help us become conscious of our internal and external dialogue. And how four essential questions can expose our hidden – and often harmful – internal thoughts, assumptions, and judgments. 

You can learn more about Chuck and his work here: https://www.chuckwisner.com/ .  You can find him on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chuck-wisner/ and on Instagram here: chuck_wisner.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

Here’s a quote from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life, that sums up Connecting Compassionately With Ourselves: “When we are internally violent towards ourselves, it is difficult to be genuinely compassionate towards others.” To exercise self-compassion we can evaluate ourselves in ways that promote growth instead of self-hatred. 

When we have been less than perfect, we can focus on a desire to enrich life for ourselves and others rather than to shame or guilt-trip ourselves. We can avoid “shoulding” ourselves.

We can recognize judgmental self-talk when it happens and then quickly focus our attention on underlying needs that may not have been met. Feelings and unmet needs may have stimulated past actions which we now regret.

When we acknowledge that possibility, we can better exercise self-forgiveness. 

Going forward, we can then be conscious of what need is being served by the choices we make.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg developed the concept of Nonviolent Communication – or NVC.  His book, Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life, begins with this quote, capturing the fundamental premise of NVC: “What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” Specific forms of language are identified as alienating us from our natural state of compassion, including moralistic judgments, making comparisons, and denying responsibility. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Ruschelle Khanna joins me to talk about her book, Inherited Trauma and Family Wealth: A Guide to Heal Your Relationships and Build a Lasting Legacy.  We talk about her work as a family therapist and the four pillars of her ECHO Legacy Manifesto: Effective Communication, Compassionate Decision-Making, Honoring Resources, and Openness to Receive. 

You can learn more about Ruschelle, the book, and her work here: https://www.lifestyleforlegacy.com/

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Two weeks ago, I published a conversation with Russell Harvey. We talked about his work and, specifically, his belief that resilience can mean more than simply bouncing back but springing forward – with learning.  He brought up the idea of building on your strengths.  Fundamentally, we are likely to be doing something well. Quite a few episodes ago, I talked about playing to your strengths. 

Now, with Russell’s inspiration, I encourage you to not only recognize your strengths, but to build on them. Use them more often. Use them even sooner, when it seems warranted. Explore them more deeply. 

Capitalize on what you are doing well.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/