Nearly one in two marriages don't work out. The failure rate for second marriages is, surprisingly, even higher. We don't learn the lessons we need to learn; we repeat the same mistakes; choose the same, wrong partners.

What can we learn from those failed relationships that can help us learn to make better decisions, and be better partners, so that we can avoid having to call the divorce lawyer next January...?

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Matt's sceptical about New Year's Resolutions: fluffy, too broad, unrealistic. Graham thinks New Year is the perfect time to have a good think about self-improvement, self-reflection - including in our relationships.

Who's right? You decide!

Happy new year to all our listeners!

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This Christmas, Matt & Graham give you an early gift: permission to stop being so damn nice in your relationship!

But hang on, aren't they always banging on about how important it is to try your best to be an absolute pleasure to live with for your partner, and stop being such a bore, stop sulking, stop criticising and focus on their attributes?

Listen in to hear how they get out of this conversational cul-de-sac...!

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The relationship ends. You lick your wounds. And then you say something like: "I've got to work on myself before I start another one". But what does that mean - working on your attachment style maybe? - and are you sure that a long period of time out of a relationship is the best thing for you?

Graham and Matt offer a different take in this episode: both that the best change often occurs inside a good relationship. And anyway, the personality science suggests you can't change your personality that much. So the best attitude is to try and be yourself, but better, in a better relationship.

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There's a myth about the ending of relationships: fire, heat, arguments, affairs.

But only about a quarter of divorces occur because of an affair. Half of couples stay together after one of them strays.

The reality is that something more depressing is taking place: the slow, sad decline of once-decent relationships into disappointment and loneliness. 1 in 10 are stuck in what they describe as loveless marriages. 15% of people wish they'd married someone else. An even bigger percentage describe being in sexless relationships.

Why do we end up making each other so unhappy? What goes wrong? How do you identify if you're in one of those relationships, and what should you do about it?

Big topics for Matt and Graham to consider in this episode of Crazy In Love.

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So much of the complexity of relationship advice can be simplified into four words (or five, if you're being pedantic): Don't Be A Jerk.

Of course, the reality is a bit more complex than that.

Matt and Graham talk in today's episode mainly about the single biggest killer of relationships: contempt. What is it? How does it develop in relationships? How can you see it when it's present? And how do you work your way back towards respecting and liking each other when contempt is present?

The Psychology Today blogpost discussed in today's episode is available here.

You've probably heard of it: the Three-Hour Evening.

It’s the latest couples’ hack and involves splitting the evening into chunks – including an hour without phones.

What's not to like? Do your chores, have some couples' time, have some alone time. Perfect.

But who are these mysterious people with young children who have THREE HOURS of time every evening to fill? And, joking aside, even if you only have one hour, does it make sense to split it in the way the Three-Hour Evening suggests?

Matt and Graham dive in, and find that there are some surprisingly useful nuggets of truth here....

Graham and Matt continue a short series on neurodiversity and relationships by exploring autism.

Autism diagnoses have gone up 800% in the last few decades. The male to female ratio has shrunk from 4:1 to 2:1. Most of the explosion in diagnoses has occurred at the milder end of the autism spectrum. Social media is rife with videos celebrating inaccurate versions of "autism" and claiming it as an identity.

So what's going on here? How does autism manifest in relationships? What behaviours would you notice if a partner was autistic?

How can couples talk about autism? And, like with ADHD, how much can you expect change in a relationship where one person has with a diagnosis?

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Graham and Matt begin a short series on neurodiversity and relationships by focusing on ADHD.

What actually is ADHD? How does it show up in relationships? What behaviours would you notice even if you or your partner don't have a formal diagnosis?

How can couples talk about ADHD without it feeling like one partner's "problem" to solve? And how much can you expect change in a relationship where one person has with an ADHD diagnosis? What happens if you're both neurodiverse?

The episode covers the parent-child dynamic in relationships and how to break out of that cycle to something healthier.

Calories in, calories out. Harm reduction in substance abuse. Tiny improvements, day in, day out. All very sensible - but can modest, realistic interventions drive genuine transformation in your relationship?

Matt and Graham argue that yes, you can achieve a lot with relatively little. A small number of couples therapy sessions, with some key interventions, can transform an unhappy relationship.

But what are those interventions and how do you practice them?