Affairs are common. Twenty percent of married men have cheated.

But do they make us happy? Do the relationships that begin with affairs last?

Why do we even have affairs in the first place?

Matt and Graham answer all your questions about affairs in today's episode, based on their Psychology Today blogpost:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202502/affairs-the-grass-probably-isnt-greener

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Controlling behaviour is more common in relationships than you might think. Approximately 1.4 million women and 750,000 men in the United Kingdom experience some form of abuse. And some of our heroes - Gandhi, Einstein, Tolstoy, Dickens - have been extremely controlling in their relationships.

But it should have no place in a healthy relationship. How do you identify controlling behaviour, especially when it can feels like love? What do you do if you think you're in a relationship with a controlling partner?

Matt and Graham answer all these questions in today's episode, based on this blogpost for Psychology Today:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202501/5-ways-you-might-be-controlled-without-realising-it

Deciding to leave a relationship is hard, especially when you’ve been together for years. But putting some thought into how you’re going to end it can minimise the depth of the scar you leave, for everyone involved.

In this episode, Matt and Graham discuss why “It’s not you; it’s me” is the wrong place to start; how to plan the break-up itself; and how to deal maturely with the immediate aftermath.

Their Psychology Today piece this episode is based on is available here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202412/being-the-bad-guy-how-to-end-a-relationship-like-a-grown-up

Talking can help unearth problems and direct you towards possible solutions and compromises. But the wrong conversations reinforce an image of the relationship as problematic, and upset your partner.

So, what should you do instead? When and how should you bite your tongue? Matt and Graham explore these questions and more in today's episode.

The blogpost they discuss is available here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202412/bite-your-tongue-when-to-stay-quiet-in-your-relationship

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Romantic relationships today carry heavy expectations. We want our partner to be our best friend, confidant, co-parent, caregiver, and lover. This is a lot to ask of one person; no wonder many relationships struggle under the weight of expectations.

In this episode, Matt and Graham focus on when it's OK to stray - emotionally, socially, or intellectually - to help sustain a fulfilling relationship.

The Psychology Today blogpost this episode is based on can be found here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202411/when-its-ok-to-stray

Email us at [email protected]

Sex is brilliant. But how much is enough? Do you need to spice things up from time to time? How do you make sure your sex life stays healthy when kids and careers get in the way? How do you stay attracted to each other when the body gets looser and flabbier over the years? Should you ever have sex when your heart's not fully into it?

Graham and Matt explore sex and sexlessness in this episode, with a particular focus on their Psychology Today blogpost on the subject, available here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202410/just-do-it-sex-can-be-vital-in-a-long-term-relationship

Email us at [email protected]

Money matters. 75% of couples say financial stress is affecting their relationship. Why? How can you avoid it getting in the way of your relationship satisfaction? What if one partner earns loads more than the other? What do you do if your spending habits differ? Is a prenup the answer to all your problems?

Graham and Matt explore money this week.

Their Psychology Today blogpost is available here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202410/looking-for-a-man-in-finance-money-and-relationships

Email us at [email protected]

This episode, Matt and Graham try to help listeners answer the key question of when to stay and work hard on an imperfect relationship, and when to call it quits.

In a culture of instant gratification, we're often told to cut and run.

But relationships aren't meant to be easy, and a good life involves accepting life on life’s terms. If you end it, you might be missing the satisfaction and self-growth that come via the joint effort.. You might even live longer: married people are 20 percent less likely to die prematurely.

Even if you choose to stay and fight for the relationship, how do you make that work? What might you need to change within yourself?

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It's 25 years since the release of David Fincher's movie Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is, of course, never to discuss Fight Club.

Matt and Graham disagree. More couples should talk about fighting. Arguments happen. The trick is to make sure you fight well.

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Cultivating good relationships is like learning a new language: there are certain grammatical "rules" to guide you; practice makes perfect; making mistakes is a key part of getting better. But we often mistakenly assume we just absorb those skills during our early lives.

Today, Matt and Graham explore skills we need to learn along the way to get better at relationships and how to learn to put aside some of the learning we did in our childhood homes ("we never argue in this house", "when things get difficult, doors get slammed" etc.) and lean into the differences our partners bring to the table.

Along the way, the delve deeper into some of the specific skills we could all do with practicing to improve our relationships.