Critters For Dinner

Well, howdy y'all! Tonight at Patton's homestead, we're fixin' to cook up somethin' that'll make your taste buds dance the two-step - Feet Loaf, but with a good ol' Southern hillbilly flair! 

And while dinner is cookin’, let's talk about how JD Vance done showed Tim Walz what for in that VP debate. Ain't no contest when you got the heart of the hills in ya. And them memes, y'all keep 'em comin', they're spicier than a jalapeño in July!

Today’s shout-out is dedicated to Earth on X; she's the real MVP follow her @earthing5000 and tell her that we sent you!

Well, y'all, tonight's dinner is throwin' down the gauntlet, Southern style! Inspired by Patton's sister, who apparently cooked up a storm so good, it's got Patton fixin' to outdo her. We're talking a culinary duel under the mason-dixon line where the only thing sweeter than the tea might just be the revenge served on a plate.

Now, Jason, bless his heart, couldn't help but stir the pot with his group chat talk, saying those food pics from last night's feast were enough to make anyone's stomach throw a hissy fit with jealousy. 

Patton and Jason are also gabbing about their upcoming gig on Keith Malinak's show. They're planning to navigate what might be as awkward as wearing socks with sandals in a Southern church - a conversation with Kris about some GIF Jason whipped up. You know it's gonna be stickier than molasses in July.

So, don't y'all miss this episode, where the talk is as rich as the gravy, and make sure you're tuned in come Friday. Because if there's one thing Southerners love more than a good meal, it's a good show, and with Keith, it's bound to be as entertaining as a possum in a hat. Come and laugh with us.

Well, howdy y'all! It's Monday, and ya know what that means - another rootin'-tootin' episode of Critters For Dinner With Patton and Jason is on the air! This week, ol' Patton's got a hankerin' for some salmon patties, and she's grinnin' like a possum eatin' a sweet tater 'bout it. Jason, he ain't one to argue when there's fish on the menu, 'cause he's partial to anything that swims, crawls, or just flops around in the water.

Now, we're gonna chew the fat 'bout some of the goin's-on 'round here. Over in Philly, they got themselves into a kerfuffle, lookin' like they're in WW3, 'cept there ain't no war, just them left-wing radicals stirrin' up a storm in a teacup. 

And ain't no episode complete without us gabbin' 'bout Trump, 'cause love him or hate him, he sure does give us plenty to jaw about.

Now, for the grand finale, we're gonna yammer on 'bout this whole "Good Morning" business on the X app. Seems not everyone's keen on spreadin' the mornin' cheer, but Jason and Patton? They're all in! Jason even said he'd holler a "Good Mornin'" to anyone on X, 'cept for Kendall, 'cause we all know Kendall's still sore 'bout Jason harassing her every morning.

So y'all have yourselves a dandy of a night, and don't forget, we'll be back here on Humpday, ready to serve up more of that good ol' country cookin' and chattin'. Keep your lines baited and your spirits high!

Howdy, y'all! It ain't Monday, sure ain't Wednesday, but by gum, it's FRIDAY, and that means we've got another hootenanny episode of "Critters For Dinner" with Patton and Jason comin' your way! Now, Patton, bless her heart, ain't in the mood for cookin' today, so she's opted for some rotisserie chicken from Wallyworld. Ain't nothin' wrong with that – it's finger-lickin' good and easy on the wallet!
The news cycle's been spinnin' like a fidget spinner this week, but don't you fret, we're here to unravel it all, CFD style.
Now, get this – did y'all know that there's folks out there with a "turd cutter" right in their bathrooms? Yep, whether it's a knife or them fancy scissors, a good chunk of America's in this boat. We're thinkin' about cookin' up our own "pooper scooper" to sell at the merch shop. Most people have one built into their butthole, but some people require additional cutting capabilities.
Patton, she's one of them basic white gals who can't live without her pumpkin spice. Says her new soap's gonna make her turd cutter smell like a pumpkin spice special starfish – ain't that somethin'!
And where in tarnation is Joe? Is the deep state still playin' musical chairs with him even this close to the finish line? Looks like it! We'll just have to wait and see what crawls out from under that rock.
Patton's also introducin' Jason to "Trailer Park Tales," and Jason, he's remindin' Patton to catch Dusty Slay – he's a stand-up comedian from the South who's one of the funniest comedians out there (plus he brings a great southern twist to his shows)
Y'all enjoy the show! We're mighty thankful for each and every one of you for pitchin' in and supportin' "Critters For Dinner." Like, comment, and share this here show with all your loved ones.
Today's shoutout goes to @Lefteyelouie, the one and only §äĉƙ §ẁīŋĝəř. Keep swingin' that sack, Louie!
Thanks for joinin' us, y'all come back now, ya hear?

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, but it seems like Wednesday - or as we like to call it, Humpday - is fixin' to be Diddy's prime time of the week. Now, about that Diddy situation, it's turnin' into quite the soap opera, ain't it? They're sayin' he might just be the next Jeffrey Epstein, which, if true, is gonna rustle up more celebrities… faster than rednecks at the rodeo on free beer night.

And speakin' of things that make ya go boom, did y'all hear about them Hezbollah pagers goin' off like fireworks at a Fourth of July bash? Makes ya think twice 'bout where our gadgets are comin' from. Could China just hit a switch and turn our pockets into popcorn makers? Now, wouldn't that be a hoot and a holler!

Don't forget, y'all, to throw some support behind Critters For Dinner. Share their gabfest around, snag some of that there merch from the shop - keep them CrittersCrew runnin'. We're all family here, and we gotta stick together like grits on a plate.

Catch y'all on Friday evenin' for another round of chinwaggin' on CFD. Y'all keep it between the ditches now, and we'll be seein' ya real soon. Have yourself a grand ol' day!

Y’all are in luck! Patton and Jason are back at it with another wild episode of Critters For Dinner. Patton starts off by apologizin' for missin' Jason's birthday... then goes and makes it worse by admitin' she forgot and ain't even his bestie! After that, they dive right into talkin' ‘bout them Haitians and their supposed blood thirst for dogs, cats, and ducks. Now, let me ask ya—would you eat your pet? ‘Cause Patton and Jason say they'd never, ever eat Willie Nelson or Murphy! They’d sooner starve to death than chow down on their furry family members.

Next up, they chat about the latest crazy assassination attempt on ol' Donald J. Trump. Ain't it disgustin' how the radical left hates that man so much they’re willin’ to kill him? Now, we ain’t like that—no matter how much we can’t stand Biden or Harris, we sure as heck ain't wishin' them dead. That’s just plain crazy talk!

So kick back and enjoy the show! Don't forget to share it with your buddies. Let’s make Critters For Dinner the hottest thing on the internet! Have a great night, and we’ll see y’all Wednesday for the next episode!

Well, slap some gravy on it and call it a feast. Today, we done cooked up yet another laugh-til-ya-cry episode, where the only thing hotter than Jason's poor, suffering throat was the banter shootin' 'round the studio faster than a squirrel on moonshine. Bless his heart, Jason's over there soundin' like he's been garglin' gravel, while Patton? Well, that gal’s cranked her sass up to eleven and turned this whole mess into her own personal comedy roast.

Now, why'd we call this episode "Sloppy Ass Sandwich," you ask? Well, y’all better dive headfirst into this one to figure it out, but I’ll tell ya this much—it’s got more layers than Granny’s seven-layer dip, and it’s spread with a whole lot more than mustard.

Even with Jason’s voice box doin' its best impression of a broke-down truck, this episode is exactly why we love what we do. Big ol’ shoutout to the Critters Crew—you rowdy, loyal, and downright weird bunch of beautiful souls. Y'all ain’t just fans; you're family. Yes, even those cousins who show up at the reunion and make things awkward, but hey, we love 'em all the same.

So, grab them headphones like you're wrappin' your hands around a hot biscuit, 'cause this episode is just like a family get-together where everybody's the funny uncle. Thanks for spreadin' the love and sharin' our episodes like butter on a stack of flapjacks. We love y’all, you glorious knuckleheads. Keep shinin', and remember, we're just here to have ourselves a good ol' time with ya. Enjoy the show, now!

Well, howdy folks! It's another glorious Hump Day, and we're slidin' into it like a hog on mud! This week, Patton's struttin' around in her brand spankin' new Trump tee, while Jason's sportin' his prized Bigfoot shirt that screams 'Let's Go Brandon' louder than a rooster at dawn. We ain't messin' much with the news today; instead, we're chewin' the fat with some of our own tales that'll tickle your funny bone. And y'all won't believe it, but we even jawed about the flavors of life, and I ain't just talkin' about what goes down the gullet, but what comes out the other end too! So, hitch up yer overalls, grab a mason jar of sweet tea, and join us for a hootenanny of laughs. Don't be selfish now, spread this here episode like butter on a hot biscuit with all yer kinfolk online!

Hey there, y'all! It's Labor Day, and while most folks are chillin' and grillin', some might be realizin' their jeans are a tad tighter than they remember. But hey, that's what new jeans are for, right? Now, over on X, things are a bit slow today, but we ain't here to jaw about that. We're here to give a big ol' shoutout to all y'all who listen to our podcast, hosted by none other than Patton, the gal with the sass, and Jason, the good ol' boy. We're just a small-time duo, keepin' it real & keepin' it fun. No big city lights or fancy gadgets here - just good, honest content that's as down-home as it gets. So, from the bottom of our hearts, thank y'all for listenin' and for spreadin' the word about our show. Y'all are the best, and we mean that from Patton to Jason!

What's better'n a weekend? How 'bout a three-day weekend, y'all! Now, picture this: this here long weekend's gonna have us cookin' up not one, but TWO episodes of Critters For Dinner, one on Friday and 'nother on Monday! Man, we're fixin' to have us a hoot and a holler. Labor Day Weekend's when we say goodbye to summer and howdy to fall, football, and all kinds of fun!

Come join us while we chew the fat 'bout three-day weekends and whatever else is buzzin' on X. Patton kicks things off yappin' 'bout some youngins hangin' on the porch, and Jason, well, he just rolls with it and later in the show, Patton talks Jason into messin' around with that poop emoji.

So, that there's our show, folks — hope y'all got a kick outta it. If ya did, think 'bout spreadin' the word, 'cause we ain't got no fancy ad money. Just tell yer kin and buddies, let's get more folks listenin' to Critters and grow this thang into somethin' real special.

Y'all have yerselves a fine ol' time these next couple days, and we'll catch ya on Monday for more Critters For Dinner shenanigans.

OH, and hey, if ya wanna jump into the group chat on X, just holler at Admin Andy. He'll get ya in where we're all just cuttin' up and havin' a good time with folks who think alike. No pressure if it ain't yer thing, though! Just another way we keep in touch with the best darn audience there is — we love our Critters Crew!