Curiously You | Who You Are Matters

We are joined today by healing arts teacher Kara Maria Ananda onto the Curiously You podcast to discuss how you can harness our monthly cycles for self-empowerment and flow with who you are, and what you wish to create in the world.

In todays episode we see periods from a more holistic perspective, rather than the narrow perspective we are used to: how it influences are mood, our productivity, our hormonal balance, our flow with our creations, our thoughts and beliefs, our peace of mind, to name a few.Generally speaking, women are used to speaking about their period in hushed voices or in frustration. Kara invites you to overcome the shame and thousands of years of conditioning to embrace and love your cycles. This will allow us to flow with ease through your experiences throughout the month.

It starts with tuning into our cycles and coming to understand how our mood fluctuates throughout the month and working as best we can with them, rather than trying to fight against or through them. We also talk about clearing our out-dated stories about the feminine cycle, connecting with and protecting our hormonal balance and taking charge of our cycles in a natural way.

This episode is perfect for you if you: 

• Were not aware of the connection between flow and feminine cycles and you want to learn more how you can harness it.
• Are ready to stop hating on your period, and through loving it learn to accept yourself and how you show up in the world.
• Want to learn about monthly cycles from a more holistic perspective – your mood, your creations, your fertility, your beliefs, your sexuality and more.

Time stamped show notes.

4:19 Kara has been involved in the healing arts specifically focusing on women's health, cycles and stages of life for over twenty years.

She started off as a massage therapist and became very interested in learning the deeper levels of women's health. While she was in massage school, she learned all about the anatomy of all the systems of the body except for the reproductive system, because it’s traditionally not massaged in the service. This didn't make sense to Kara as she felt there needs to be an understanding of the entire body.

As a young woman, she really wanted to also know how to feel empowered around her health. She felt like during our fertile years, women spend so much time thinking and worrying about our cycles, for example,

“I’m about to get my period?”;

“Do I have stuff with me, I’m feeling really crampy”;

“I’m feeling irritable, am I going to be able to do this thing today”;

“How am I going to get pregnant?”;

“How am I going to avoid becoming pregnant”;

“What happens if I do become pregnant?”

So much of our mind is consumed with all of these thoughts and worries and concerns and decisions about our fertility and our sexuality. It uses up a lot of brain space that could be used for more focused creative work!

8:07 Women have been oppressed for thousands of years and, as a consequence, most women today have some level of shame and guilt and fear around their sexuality.

Women have female organs, give birth to babies, have multiple orgasms – it is so “mysterious”, which is why women are treated differently. However, these are amazing things! We have this incredible power in our sexuality, we can engage in sexual energy and relations and have multiple orgasms, which is already pretty profound. Beyond the act of procreation, the fact that we can create life is absolutely amazing.

Women have the power of co-creation. We can channel that energy when we are in control of it, when we have respect for it, and when we love it and use it. It enables us to create whatever we want in our life.

15:08 Growing up Catholic, Kara’s experiences were very conservative, so a lot of shame was attached to her experiences. After going through a lot of challenges in high school and her teen years, including depression, she moved to New Hampshire from New England after high school. She felt like she needed physical space to focus on her own healing, and claim her own power (as well as pursuing her education).

She deeply immersed herself into her own healing journey, and what brought her a sense of joy and authenticity. She always felt like her feminine sexual energy was powerful, yet she was upset that more widely in the world this gift in women was not being honoured.

21:40 The first thing to do if you feel like you’ve never really tuned into your cycles is to start journaling. Get a special journal or calendar and start paying attention to your experiences on the day that you start your period. Try to pay attention to when you think you're ovulating and you start feeling more juicy and fertile. Start writing down how you're feeling: your emotions and moods.

After a couple months you will notice that there are correlations between how you feel at different points in your cycle, regardless of if you're on the pill or not.

Look at your sexual health history, and how your outlook has been influenced by your upbringing. What were the messages that you received growing up from your parents, television, religion, school, other kids? Start realizing stories from when you were a child, and how your family and school friends perceived your cycles.

It’s actually an incredible power, and we use that information to manifest better in our lives. Our hormones change during our cycles, which trigger different brainwave states. These different states allow us to access different kinds of information that enable us to get into the flow. When you recognise where you are in your cycle – particularly if you are able to balance your hormones, and have a regular cycle - you can plan specific events at times that you're going to be most optimally tuned into that experience.

For example, when a woman is ovulating your brain is tuned into the beta brainwave state, which allows us to tap into higher levels of critical reasoning and learning as you have increased cortisol. Kara goes on to explain different times you can use this schedule to prepare for important things in your day-to-day life.

29:24 Sometimes you’re tied into activities that don’t necessarily match where you are in your cycle, so you need to adapt around that. People really respect women who are busy, so capitalise on this and ensure that activity does not take up the whole day, if possible.

You must be more mindful if you're on your cycle or you're feeling premenstrual and you're in an environment where people are wanting you to delivery for them, for example a corporate job. Allow yourself some time to tune into yourself. It could be as simple as closing your eyes every now and then for a moment so you can shift even momentarily out of beta and into the alpha of theta, allowing your to create more dopamine. Or take a couple deep breaths to help you to relax your mind.

32:41 Many women believe they must be readily available for others, at all times. Yet, it’s important to know how to appropriately say no, and draw boundaries. We need to focus on one thing at a time to bring ourselves the most success. It’s ok to ask people to schedule an appointment. Kara talks through some tips on how you can begin to draw boundaries.

39:01 Two thirds of teenage girls are put on birth control pills to regulate their cycle, even before their sexually active. There are too many toxins in our environment that act as xenoestrogens, creating irregular cycles. In other words, the world around us is messing with our hormones. It is important to find ways to clean out these toxins from our body.

In high school, a lot of girls have equal grades up until 14 – but beyond they lose the willingness to take risks, which Kara believes is linked to not experiencing the peak energy and confidence that comes with being connected with ovulation and cycles.

Many women stay on the pill into their 20’s and 30’s. We can take charge of this in a natural way, reduce the negative symptoms, feel juicer, and enjoy sex more.

45:11 Kara has created an online school which trains and supports women to become educators, advocates, and coaches. This empowers them to make more natural and healthy choices for their cycle, and inspires them to help other people. It covers, for example, nutrition (eating organic), natural healing methods, and movement to be able to take charge of their life and feel confident.

52:58 Take charge of your cycles. Take time everyday, perhaps before bed, and put your hands over your uterus, tune in, and send love. It sounds silly, but it’s amazing and really powerful. We need to start healing that guilt and shame and recognizing that your cycle does a lot to support your health. Rather than thinking about it as a nuisance, send love to your body, yourself and your uterus. It’s a really powerful way to start clearing the shame and guilt.

Episode 45: Katie DePaola

Can You Glow in the Dark? Feeling Perfect in Your Imperfection

Welcome to the 45th Episode of the Curiously You podcast with Professionally Certified Coach and CEO of Inner Glow Circle, a coach training company for female entrepreneurs. In today’s episode Katie and I are discussing if it possible to glow in the dark, and show up each day fully embodied as who you are even though we are all imperfect beings with imperfect lives!

Katie is a recovering perfectionist and shares what it means to embrace the imperfect. She shares her story of experiencing trials in her life that could easily have caused her to shrink away, or give up on dreams, but instead she chose to grow and continue to glow even though times were dark and difficult.

We dive into the disempowering nature of the word “should” and what feels more expansive, as well as managing your way through anxiety and depression with greater ease, tuning into your intuition when making decisions in your life. 

You’ll love this episode if you:

• Feel paralysed by your perfectionism and want to know how to live with it while working through releasing it.
• Wonder if you can still glow brightly during challenging times.
• Feel called to dive more deeply into your intuition, learn to surrender, and trust yourself over seeking validation from others.

Time Stamped Notes

She is the CEO of Inner Glow Circle – every day she teaches women all over the world how to scale their soul’s purpose through spirituality, self love.

3:51 Katie has been coaching for a little over 5 years now. This work is very close to her heart and she’s been able to grow and scale her business. She has attracted a ton of amazing and dynamic women. What is their commonality? They tend to be recovering perfectionists. They are learning to – as Katie puts it - “glow in the dark”.

Two years ago, she got hit for a couple of challenges around her health including chronic Lyme disease, which went undiagnosed for 12 years until January 2014. She went through 3.5 years of treatment for the disease. Then sadly, three months after she launched her company Inner Glow Circle her youngest brother passed away in his sleep from an accidental overdose. She also broke up with her ex, to whom she was engaged, and he was involved in the business.

The trifecta of disease, death and divorce was deeply difficult for Katie. And yet her path has been to keep growing and glowing. 

7:46 Katie believes that you have to surrender so much to God, the Universe and to yourself. Katie’s company teaches other women to grow as coaches and entrepreneurs. She doesn’t believe in niching as much as other people do, instead your ideal client - and your people - will be guided to you with ease, and vice versa.

There are so many women out there who have been through some really hard times, and who have worked really hard to keep going and glowing. This is the woman who speaks to Katie. There’s been a magical experience for her that she can’t claim as intentional – the women that she is supposed to work with have been bought into her world.

Katie is no longer attracted by perfectionism. She prefers honesty, truth, imperfection and grit. The people in her life whom she has made the most impact upon are those with whom she has been honest. She used to be reluctant to share her trust and so drew a boundary between herself and her clients. Now that more time as passed, she has learned to speak what she terms the “truth truth”, which touches others deeply.

11:36 Katie’s family is very straight-forward, honest, and have minimal space for BS. In some ways, Katie had the hardest time with the death of her brother. Her depression was so bad that she couldn’t function and, in hindsight, a lot of that was because her romantic relationship was out of control simultaneously. Her friends and parents advised her to move on from her ex, and she had to start navigating through that process.

Katie believes that anything that comes after “should is a lie. We have to constantly be in the mode of self-correcting with the word “should.” We have to start seeing all that isn’t “perfect” in our lives as perfect in order to move forward.

Katie chose to keep going although life was perfectly imperfect.

15:42 Katie uses the example of “I should go to the gym today,” and corrects it to “I could go to the gym today,” which plays into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy techniques. This helped Katie the most, and it is what she teaches within Inner Glow Circle.

We can get trapped in the “should”. Yet, when we change our “should” to “could” - or to choice - it gives us more power and freedom. Should is put upon from outside ourselves: we have either inherited or absorbed it. Language is very important, and Katie is constantly calling her clients out on how they talk to themselves.

Part of why Katie is such a good teacher is because she feels she is such a bad learner. When she is in a place of “should”, one of the things she does is “take the temperature” of how she is feeling, for example, anxious or depressed. As she starts to push the edges of these emotions, she starts to re-experience outlooks and ways of being that she thought she was done with.

Now, she makes sure she doesn’t take her temperature on how she feels about life, God, or her business on an emotionally “bad” day. She will wait until it passes.

20:17 Katie’s brother struggled a lot towards the end of his life with drugs, alcohol and self medication. He was diagnosed with bi-polar and when he was younger, and he had anxious tendencies.

After her brother was diagnosed, Katie became very aware of her own extreme emotional patterns: high highs and low lows. The Lyme disease being out of her system, was a huge part of that and she is conscious to keep “a clean vessel”. 

As spiritual beings we have a natural ability to get high on an idea, we feel excited and guided to out next step in life. Part of Katie’s practice is sitting with ideas and choosing her next step intuitively. She makes sure her body feels good when she makes big decisions.

Katie talks about her experiences with Lyme disease and her past unhealthy relationship and highlights how important it is to be grounded in your body when you make decisions. Ask yourself, “what’s helping me, what’s serving me, and what’s distracting me?” and, “are you using perfection to procrastinate?”

If it wasn’t for her co-founder Olivia Chapman at Inner Glow Circle who helps her feel balanced, Katie would be struggling a lot more with those questions.

29:40 Katie talks about her childhood and how she coped with any dysfunction through perfectionism. She didn’t want to disappoint, she was fearful of her father and she wanted to do well. Perfectionism creates a high level of attachment, which is distracting and won’t help you build your business or relationship.

We can teach ourselves to surrender and trust – whether it be God, the Universe, yourself or other people. That has been the biggest thing. She has a “no chaos,” policy when it comes to her growth – you have to be committed to your success, over your perfectionism.

36:17 Katie talks about how surrender happens many times during the day for her, and how she deploys healthier coping mechanisms. The most effective of all is to let things go throughout the day, as a practice.

She highlights an important distinction between being unattached, which as a healthier, lighter connotation to it, and being detached, which feels unhealthy. She talks about being unattached to outcomes and holding it in the highest regard and the highest space of desire.

A mantra she uses is, “this, or something better.” You can have a great idea for a business or a product, but it doesn’t mean that thing is going to help you feel the way you want to feel. How you feel is what will lead you back to your heart.

43:23 You don’t have to destroy your perfectionism – the freedom is in surrendering your perfectionism. Being happy is more important to Katie than being perfect; she wants to feel amazing and live her purpose. No one else cares if you’re perfect or not – it’s really only you. If you actually want to create in life, you have to surrender. 

50:09 You don’t want to skip over your feelings, this is called Spiritual bypassing. This is essentially you not doing the work, and not walking the plank. You have to feel into whatever is present to you in each moment.

When Katie was growing up there wasn’t much space for this kind of reflection. There was a fear that if they got stuck in their feelings, they’d stay there. As a woman, she has taught herself how to feel whatever she is feeling. She also knows intellectually, she is not going to be there forever and that the feeling will pass through her and that there will be a new unfolding on the other side.

52:58 Katie is playing with the concept of loving and losing. We have all these stories and these attachments of how life should be and should look. Should is a lie and perfectionism is a distraction. We can be where we are and utilise the hard parts of life to create more beauty and freedom.

Katie has reached a place of gratitude about her brother’s passing. It’s not to say that she’s happy or grateful her brother died, rather she is grateful for the learning that has arisen after. She believes that we can still be in relationship with people who have passed away, and she receives guidance and signs from her brother in so many different ways.

When there is a loss, something else is opening and becoming and available to you. In time, you will reach a place of acceptance and celebration because of loss, which feels radical and life changing. It requires you to surrender what you see as perfect.

Today’s episode is the 44th of the Curiously You Podcast, and it is story time with Divine Grace Buszka. I often feel that we are all too often told to “do this” and “do that” when it comes to trusting in our path, but often the best way to understand the power of surrender and trust in the universe is simply to hear a powerful story of when it worked.

 Divine Grace shares with us today three life-changing stories of the times she felt like she had reach rock bottom and supreme confusion and loss. It was only through surrender and faith that she was able to come out the other side.

 We will be cruising down to warmer climates, starting a new life over after divorce, and on a soul-seeking trip to Europe as Divine Grace shows how surrender and trust at some of her most trying moments were how she was able to come out stronger and in an even better place on the other side.

 You’ll love this episode if:

• You feel like you have to be in control all the time. You believe that the outcome of any given situation is a result of you efforts to make it a “success” or “failure”.
• You simply struggle with trusting and allowing in general, and is absolutely extends to the “divine” realms.

Time Stamped Notes

5:45 Divine is an energy healer, spiritual life coach and teacher living in San Diego. Drawing on her own journey of self love, she helps her clients along a similar path, helping them heal past wounds, and find a way to deeply know themselves.

 Divine believes you can transition from being in a state of fear into living in a state of love and in doing so uncover your true power. She loves her work, and started doing this through her own human and spiritual experiences. There is great value in connecting with Spirit, and Divine shares the moments where magic just occurred.

7:32 For the majority of her life, Divine was sad and uncomfortable in her own body and life. She always had doubt and insecurities about herself and was very lonely, and really wanted to move beyond this feeling.

Coming from the corporate world, she had physical and material security yet she still wasn’t happy. However, she always held a deep faith: during difficult times she always would be in prayer and turned to God, which she believes is what helped her to shift out of those states. In fact, this approach had supported her throughout life.

The realisation of the importance of spirituality led to her shifting course. Reading books became important, and she applied everything that she learnt, following teachers, mentors and gurus. She would attend talks and started applying the principles and ideas. Instead of looking at her experiences through life with anger and resentment, she would notice what the anger and resentment was trying to teach her.

With acceptance, she found peace. Through forgiveness her whole life was changing miraculously around her: the right people and opportunities were coming in, and she was happier.

11:01 Having faith is simply believing that everything is going to work out well, no matter the experience, even if it was traumatic or seemed impossible to overcome.

She shares a story about almost missing her wedding to her first husband where it was set to be on a crew ship. She kept listening to the Universe for signs, and in spite of the obstacles, she believed that she was going to make this happen. She just knew that she was going to do it.

For her, there was a completing knowing and trust in the Universe: there was no doubt, resistance or questioning. She just trusted what was in front of her and that it would work out.

20:03 Divine divorced her husband a few years after, which bought her back to rock bottom. She felt like she had nothing left: she was negative in the bank, and in the business she had started she felt like she couldn’t help anyone because she couldn’t help herself.

She was sad, mad, and sulking. Because of this she questioned why, then she realised that she didn’t have faith anymore in the Universe. She was resisting the path that she was on. Once she realised that this was how she was behaving, she began to open herself to trusting again, and following what she felt guided to do. She asked for help, prayed and meditated and started to practice trust; she was where she needed to be, and had to learn what she needed to learn.

She found a job that checked off everything that she needed. She felt confidence that she would get this job and so she hit a brick wall when she was rejected for the position. She continued to persist knowing that she had to keep going and trust that she was on the right path. She prayed for a job, a car, and a home for herself and her son.

She was given another wink from the Universe where she was called back and offered that same job from the company. She came back to the place of faith and trust, and stepped into her power to keep moving forward.

28:36 Divine also feels an important part of having faith is knowing that you are very powerful. When you demand what you want with every bit of yourself (and for everyone’s highest good), and also knowing that you are worthy to ask, then this is you stepping into your power.

If you’re giving your highest and greatest good sometimes this isn’t what you expect it to be. Sometimes the things that we think that we want, aren’t good for us. Other times the universe puts on our path what is good for us in our circumstance and situation.

A few days later after she received the job, she received a large cheque in the mail. This was from her old mortgage company explained that they had wrongfully charged her. Her old house had been foreclosed before she got married and so it was divine timing. And so during this entire difficult time of struggling to trust, it all worked out perfectly.

After this cheque arrived, she was able to secure a place to live for herself, and her child. From this new home that she was going to have the space to do the rest of her internal emotional work, create peace and start building a new life.

37:34 In Divine’s final story of trust and faith, she tells of how she booked plane tickets to go to the south of France. With no itinerary and no companions, she went where she was guided to go and she kept honouring her intuition.

She stayed with a beautiful family, and for a week and half she learned to be present in the moment. She stilled herself, and wherever she was she allowed herself to connect to people and environment, remaining present. During the last night there, she did a meditation, she worked through her forgiveness work and let go.

On the last night at sunset there were couples everywhere and, even though she was alone, she realised just how happy she was. She wasn’t afraid to be alone because she knew that she was becoming whole again at that very moment. She knew that she hadn’t completely forgiven herself, but she was on the path of forgiveness was such an incredible feeling of complete peace and transcendent joy and freedom.

45:22 Even though you feel that you’ve done a great deal of work, know that it is continuous and you need to make your peace with failing, and commit to the path.

Welcome to episode 43 of the Curiously You Podcast where we are speaking with musician and life-long peace-seeker Tahlee Rouillon.

Tahee shares her story with us of illness, anxiety and depression and how peace and relief came in an unexpected form, a special combination of music and meditation called Meditones, sometimes known as binaural beats.

Dropping into curiosity mode, I dive into the power of meditones and how it created such a profound shift in Tahlee’s life. We discuss what meditones are, how they work on your brain waves and how you can add them effectively to your peace-seeking tool kit.

Tahlee also goes on to share her journey into and acceptance around transition and how she is learning to embrace the feminine in her work and life. 

This episode is perfect for you if you:

-What to add some variety and depth to your meditation with a practice that has scientific support to its relaxing effect on brain-waves.

- Have heard about Meditones of Binural beats before but would love to find out more, and just how it might serve you.

- Are interested understand how you can more effectively manage change and transition in your life.

Time Stamped Notes 

05:05 Tahlee has been in love with music since she was a child, and it has been a life-long passion. She started singing when she was a toddler, playing the flute when she was 7, and playing the guitar when she was 16. At university, she completed a bachelor of Music and developed her love of electronic music and ambient music. 

In her teens to her twenties, Tahlee struggled with mental illness, anxiety and depression. She became so sick and tired of living with a feeling of constant dread of panic and worry that she became a peace-seeker and dedicated herself to becoming more peaceful. In an desire to understand how she was feeling she went to therapy, practised yoga, took medication, and read books. 

Through yoga, she started to learn how to meditate in its more traditional form. Life gifted her a beautiful synchronicity and she was introduced to the concept of meditones, which are essentially musical sounds and tones that help you meditate (Binaural beats is the scientific term for them).

She found the experience effortless, and it helped her to find calm, inner peace and relaxation every time she put her headphones on. She was healing herself through music and helping others do the same – it was so powerful that she wanted to tell everybody about it!

09:15 Meditones are two very precisely tuned frequencies of sound that when listened to through headphones help your brain waves to slow down and put you into a state of relaxation. The difference between the two sounds creates a humming vibration, which your brain responds to by producing waves that match the vibration. This means that you can tune the brain in to whatever brain wave state you’d like it to be in.

Meditones help you to reach that relaxed brain state quicker and more effortlessly than without, so you can experience the lovely, restful and relaxed states when you are in R.E.M sleep.

11:47 When you listen to meditones in speakers, you can move your head around and your ears will start processing sound normally and the humming sound will be cancelled through the movement of the head. You can’t move your ears to try to locate the sound and that is what stimulates a totally different response in the brain to regular sound.

12:52 Our brain waves are measured in hertz, just like soundwaves. If you wanted to take somebody into a theta brainwaves state, which is between 4 hertz to 8 hertz, you would need to make the meditone vibration at 7 hertz. This will stimulate the brain starts to theta, which is considered to be the bridge between waking and sleep, or deep meditation. This state often creates a weightless feeling. 

14:47 There are 4 dominant brainwave states, beta, alpha, theta and delta. All of these brainwaves are produced all the time, but your state of consciousness is dependent on which one is dominant.

When you are alert, you are in beta. Alpha is chilled out and day-dreaming where your mind is wandering. Theta is a little bit deeper and that is in REM sleep. And the delta is very very deep unconscious dreamless sleep. This final state is important to regulate the autonomous functions in your body. You can take the mathematics of sound to stimulate the hertz that you want.

17:14 Theta is the state we seem to inhabit the least. It tends to be the state that Buddhist monks create for themselves naturally when they are meditating. Being in theta brain state while you are still awake is an incredible sensation, meditones can help you reach this state which can take monks years of practice!

The meditones will guide your brain to start stimulating those brainwaves. It takes about five minutes to kick in and you will feel the difference.

19:03 Meditones (or binaural beats) can enhance guided meditations, but Tahlee likes to give people an opportunity and really surrender into the music as much as possible. Generally those offering Meditones will let you know which tracks and which albums will be stimulating which brainwave state. This will help you choose, and also mean you don’t need to remember the purpose of each.

For a beginner once a day is fine – Tahlee uses it before she goes to sleep for 10-30 minutes. Some people use them twice a day.

21:50 Tahlee adds in some mantra work and mindfulness to enhance the breath during her meditones meditation. They are perfect for experienced and beginners in meditation, in fact, the more Tahlee used meditones, the faster she got to go into that relaxed state naturally. She built a more peaceful brain overall.

Whatever meditation practice you already have, try listening to meditones during, as it can enhance the experience.

24:26 Tahlee first discovered meditones in 2001, so she’s been engaged in it for a while. As she integrated meditones into her daily practice as much as possible, it changed her mental and emotional well-being for the better. We each have a tool box that we use for centring and relaxation, meditones can be added to this array so you have a selection to choose from.

For Tahlee, she finds meditones the easiest. She threw herself into the research and experience and it gave her resilience, self awareness, and a tool she could use in moments of intense pain and grief.

 27:27 Meditones had an impact on Tahlee from the very first listen. Her resilience grew over time, and personal growth happened in different spurts. She found that she felt fantastic after meditones, and so this meant she stopped using them until she realised she needed to listen again to bring her calmness, and so a cycle began. That’s when she realised that the practice had to become a lifestyle in order to maintain it.

Having been through so many personal transitions, this is a topic that is so close to her heart. They say that change is the only constant a constant and she feels that we are never taught or equipped with the tools and knowledge to manage this.

For Tahlee, her biggest transition was her divorce, it was deeply painful and not of her choosing. She relied very heavily on meditones to get throughout that period. She was at a point where she couldn’t leave the house without crumbling into her pile of tears. And so she would always put her headphones on first thing in the morning.

31:13 The first step in any transition is to acknowledge that change is happening, and it’s a big deal. It helps you take stock of what you need to do next.

When change hits, your body freaks out and starts producing toxic chemicals which will flood your system in order to fight or flee from danger. In order to take your nervous system offline and be able to remind yourself that you are safe now and be calm and peaceful, you really need to soothe the nervous system. Meditones is a way to do that combined with putting your hands over your belly, relaxing, and taking a few deep breathes and focusing on the exhale.

34:29 When Tahlee talks about the divine feminine, she talks about the state of being. Similar to Ying and Yang – being versus doing. She was very much that lived by the mantra “bite of more than you can chew and chew like hell.”

We live in a culture that values productivity and getting things done and we undervalue the importance of rest, rejuvenation and simply “being”. Learning to tap into her divinely feminine side was unchartered territory. Even though Tahlee feels there is nothing wrong with being ambitious, she is more balanced now, and honours her need to rest and takes time out of her day, weeks, months and year to have pauses to slow down.

37:49 Tahlee works for herself and doesn’t have to be at an office at a certain time, yet she has a morning routine which she finds helpful. Even back when she was working in a corporate job and music was on the side, she would still take just ten minutes in the morning to meditate. This would set the mood for the entire day, allowing her to approach her work from a more relaxed and grounded place. How can you design a routine that works well for you, so you can remain in this peaceful state throughout the day?

Tahlee honours her body’s need for rest. Sometimes this looks like having a nap, or going to bed a little bit earlier. She tries to consciously create pauses in her day so she’s not just working constantly, skipping lunch lunch and barely got up from her desk. Taking the time out, pausing, having a cup of tea and lie down, and going for a walk outside.

 The third important aspect for peace is to have a night-time routine. Take small steps, like a skincare routine, watching something, or reading a book. Because she works for herself, she sometimes feel like she could keep going and going, which isn’t healthy for her. She has good boundaries around her time and her energy for work.

Welcome to the 42nd Episode of the Curiously You Podcast with Fertility Coach Jolinda Johnson. In today’s episode we will be covering everything you need to know to protect and optimise your fertility, which is important to every woman, whether you are currently trying for a baby or not.

Jolinda and I speak about the importance of the egg quality, how diet and exercise and lifestyle hugely impact upon your ability to successfully conceive. We also dive into the lesser spoken about emotional and spiritual aspect of conception, how to deal with others baby announcements as you struggle, and fostering a surrendered trusting mind-set helps allows for the feminine, sensual, receptive mode of creating a baby.

You’ll love this episode if:

- You are not currently trying for a baby, but you want to know how you can protect and enhance your fertility for when the time arrives to try.

- You are trying for a baby, but finding the process stressful, disappointing, and overwhelming. The advice provided will help you move into a happier, healthier state.

- You’ve got the practicalities of conception on form! You know your best days, you are doing all the things, but you can’t seem to get a hold on some key ingredients: passion, femininity, trust and surrender.

Time Stamped Notes

3:55 Jolinda first became interested in fertility and pregnancy during her health coach training whilst she was preparing herself for her first (and only thus far) pregnancy.

She was very lucky with her son as she got pregnant within the first cycle. She didn’t approach trying for her second child with the same relaxed, loving, attitude. She steeped herself in all of the research, and became obsessed. She put pressure on herself and was unwilling to surrender; having only one child was not acceptable to her.

We all have a reproductive story we develop at childhood which is difficult to let go. As her mother-friends would announce that they were pregnant again, Jolinda would obsess over what she could do to best prepare herself. She wondered who she could talk to about these struggles.

After therapy, she managed her depression through diet and lifestyle. She didn’t know who else she could talk to about foods and what was right for her and her fertility. She wanted to find someone she could speak with about gratitude, surrender, and comforting her that she would exactly where she needed to be.

That’s when she realised she could go to a fertility coach, which incorporates all facets of the pregnancy process..

9:50 Jolinda has an auto immune disease which is basically spinal arthritis, which she controls effectively by avoiding starch. It means she can eat greens, legumes and, depending on sensitivity, bananas and cashew nuts. She was already following a no starch diet, eating very clean (due to her experience with depression) and drinking minimal alcohol to regulate her mood.

Diet affects egg quality. There is confusion about what foods will most maximise your own fertility, tailored to what works best for your body. You have to start with the basics – the things that are going to be harmful to your health will be harmful to your fertility, such as white sugar, trans fats. Remove these from your diet and eat when you are actually hungry, and notice how you feel when you eat certain foods. Do you feel energised, or do you feel in a fog? Are you bloated? Uncomfortable?

14:18 “We are what we eat”, as the old adage says. It often doesn’t click until you’re in your late 20’s. Everything that you’re putting into your body is used by your cells to fuel your physiological processes. When it comes to your hormones, comsuming even moderate amount of sugars can create high insulin, and decrease fertility. Women benefit by sticking to slow burning carbohydrates.

16:21 Get intimate with your own physiology, which can be difficult to do on your own. If you don’t feel well on a vegan diet and you’re attached to that diet, it’s not easy to start incorporating animal products on your own. Jolinda didn’t realise how low energy she felt for a few years. Sometimes we convince ourselves that one diet is the way but our body is crying out to us to make changes. It’s easier to make those changes when you have someone by your side helping you make good food choices. This is what Jolinda does with her clients, too.

19:37 Your ability to be fertile depends on the egg equality. The biggest reason for not getting pregnant or miscarriage early is chromosomal abnormalities due to sperm and egg quality.

There are lots of things in your diet and lifestyle that affect egg quality. A woman in her 30’s who has a stressful job, drinks 5 coffees a day, is not paying attention to her diet, and who has irregular periods will likely have cortisol levels through the roof. Contrast this with a woman who eats and is aware of her cycles, they won’t have the same egg quality.

Cosmetics also play a role, so be aware of environmental factors. Fertility decreases with age between 35-40, every year, fertility goes down but in any stage of your life you can always improve to your own health. Your fertility is essentially your health.

23:26 Jolinda has friends who have taken the pill for 15 years and have gotten pregnant first try, and some who waited for three years. The longer you’re on the pill, the longer you’re missing out on information that is going on in your body which is valuable to prepare for pregnancy. You have a 6 day window to conceive. Your fertile window has to do with when you ovulate – the issue isn’t necessarily getting pregnant, it’s staying pregnant. This also depends on the quality of your egg. Many women miscarry without even realising it.

29:25 There aren’t many fertility coaches in the broader context. Many of them focus on visualisation and meditation – affirmations can be helpful – however, the biggest mindset shift for Jolinda, is the shift towards self-compassion, self-kindness, and surrender. It will inform all of these other choices that affect your fertility

A woman who feels kind towards herself, and her body and trusts where she is in the process will be much more open to surrendering into the sexual appearance. Fertility thrives on receptive energy – look at areas in your life that you are not willing to receive – from the bedroom to compliments.

34:50 How are you taking care of yourself? How are you releasing stress from your body?

Jolinda didn’t realise how disconnected she was from her body until she took Zumba. When she would do these hip thursts, it felt so unnatural and awkward. It’s about getting comfortable in your own bodies and movement; caring for yourself, and healing yourself.

Caring for yourself mentally is another pathway to self-compassion. When she finds herself worried she fill practise forgiveness and using matras throughout the day, for example, “this too will pass”. She will repeat that phrase as she is walking down the street. She associates it with a gospel song that her mother played, it reminds her of the loving energy of being with her mum and knowing that life is ever-changing, and how we move with that change. The more we resist, the more we suffer.

What really helped Jolinda get over the ache she experienced when other women would announce their second child was by reconnecting with her own passions outside of motherhood. It’s really important to widen the lens, because when you have lazer focus, then you miss out on everything else that is going on.

Start to bring other things into your life that bring you joy and make you feel fulfilled – what are you looking to get out of motherhood? How can you experience and incite those feelings now? Having a child is a beautiful experiences, yet it’s a myth that it will help you to love yourself – for Jolinda it has been quite the contrary. It didn’t erase her self doubt, or boost her self esteem. And so these are things you can work on creating for yourself now.

Your experience of motherhood is going to be shaped by how you feel already about yourself as the baby is not going to fix everything. This is one of the features of fertility coaching. it helps you work on your struggles up until to this point.

44:03 So many of us know what it is that we want, but we need the space to figure it out and we need someone asking us the right questions. That’s the power of any coach – it helps you get in touch with what your desires are and what your action plan is for your reality.

Welcome to episode 41 of the Curiously You podcast! In today’s episode we are speaking with integrative healing arts practitioner Cherise Williams all about her healing journey through therapy, and how this process was catalysed by using a variety of healing tools, included meditation, crystals, essential oils, tarot and oracle cards, spirit animals and more.

We discuss the features and benefits of each of these supporting tools, and how utilising them could serve you. Each person is different and so no one or more tools used in any combination is the ‘holy grail’ of spiritual healing. Whether you are currently going through therapy (like Cherise was), being coached, or going it alone, through listening through the various tools that Cherise uses, you will gain a better idea of which aligns best with your path. 

You’ll love this episode if you:

• Have bee working through a great deal of guilt, blame, and self-loathing, and you are ready to drop this to create a new outlook for yourself.
• Are making your first foray into spiritual healing tools, and want to find out more about each so you can choose which is best for you.
• You currently use some of these healing tools, but want to find out if you can diversify.

Time Stamped Notes

4:02 Cherise has been on a long journey to get where she is today. She didn’t always have these tools, and she felt lost and miserable earlier in life. The many difficult times in life brought her down, and she hated on herself, which resulted in a lot of drugs, alcohol and bad relationships.

When she became a mother, she stopped the drugs and partying. Towards her 30’s, she tried self-help, reading inspirational quotes every day. However, it was when she turned 30 and found a therapist who helped her break down lower than she had ever reached before, that her path was ignited. She didn’t have her old coping mechanisms of drugs and alcohol to turn to, so she had to find new ways to fill herself up and help herself on the journey to self-growth and self-love.

From a young age, she liked rocks and crystals, and began to explore this area more. She also looked into tarot cards, which was something she liked as a child. Looking back at her life, there were always moments where her higher-self was trying to connect her to spirituality. Now, in her spiritual practise, Cherise, incorporates tarot cards, and has learned about essential oils and crystals. These were all were tangible and practical as well as powerful. That helped get her through building herself back up. She realised she was here to help other people who were going through difficulties through teaching them about these tools and techniques.

7:43 As a child, Cherise was sexually abused, and she grew up witnessing domestic violence. Those were the major things that triggered her to close-off, and not share her emotions with others. She was scared, tearful, and sad, but never showed it. Even now when people hear her story - even when it’s those who had known her – they are surprised that she was so miserable.

10:01 Cherise had taken on all of the guilt of the poor choices she had made, but she began to learn that she was not to blame for everything. Her past choices were acted upon when she was in a poor state within herself, and so she didn’t need to hold the guilt over herself.

The self-guilt weighed heavily on her, which lead to self-loathing and destructive cycles. She learned to create meaning around that guilt, and became accountable for her actions. Cherise advises that if you are going through something and you’re not in the right mindset, exercise forgiveness: for yourself and others. In this process she learned that she was strong, even though all along she believed she was weak.

12:27 It can be scary and difficult to be accountable. However, Cherise told herself that these things happen and she didn’t want to continue her life in the victim mentality.

She asked, “Are you going to learn from the mistakes you made in life, or are you going to go down the path of self loathing?” She encourages you to ask yourself this question if you are experiencing similar. You have the power to make your life better, nobody else. Ask yourself, “What can I do to make my life better?”

13:51 Even though you have a therapist, life coach or family, it’s a very personal journey and can feel lonely. She attributes how quickly she shifted her life to working with spirit guides, and spirit animals. Turning to your spiritual team helps you to connect with something bigger, and connect with Earth and the universe. This can give you a sense of purpose and feeling like you belong and have major support behind you, which we all do.

 15:58 Luckily she found a therapist who was logical and scientific, but also open to other healing modalities. Anything you can do that’s a positive thing to better yourself, he was all for it! If you want to incorporate more holistic and spiritual aspects, yet you are working with a therapist who resistance to this, there are plenty of therapists out there who will support you.

Cherise has always been interested in different religions and different spiritual practices. She started working with tarot cards when she got her first deck at aged thirteen. You can use the cards to ask what happens next, but they really are more powerful as a tool for introspection, and to look at the energies in your life. You seek guidance on any pressing issue, and what you most need to focus on, for example. It gives you a moment to just sit, distraction free, in silence and just connecting to yourself and your thoughts and feelings.

The tarot cards are a practical tool, it gives a voice to your subconscious. A tarot is a 78 card deck and it’s always the same, but with different styles of artwork. The art may change, however the core cards are always the same. The tarot cards can be interpreted intuitively and the core meaning stays the same.

The oracle cards on the other hand can be any number of cards, any type of cards with any meaning, and any style of artwork.

20:11 Cherise got to a point in therapy where she’d done the healing, and was in a better place, but there was something missing and by incorporating spiritual and holistic modalities into her life, it added a deeper, broader foundation layer.

22:04 Cherise was really upset, she found that animals in general and her own animals would always come over and give her comfort. That was her first experience of animal energy, which prompted her to look into the spiritual side of animals.

Spiders were the first animals that Cherise began to notice. They would show up in her life, which was a sign from her spiritual team to keep going. It opened up this whole doorway to the belief that spirit animals are always trying to talk to us.

23:45 When it comes to messages from animals, it’s about being more aware. You will get a feeling, or an unusual instance when you see an animal – that’s kind of a clue to you that the animal has a special message or meaning for you to explore. Anytime you get that special feeling, especially if you have repeat appearances from animals, you can look up their meaning. 

25:59 You’re Spiritual Team are the angels, guides and assertors, they are your personal support system. It could be loved ones who have passed on, angels, animals, and guides in general. It’s your whole team who help guide, support and love you. 

For Cherise, it wasn’t until she opened herself up to that path, that she found there were synchronicities in meditations, dreams and waking alert life – she could feel the different energies of guides. Your team is always there to give you guidance, you just have to be open to it, and you’ll start to notice the difference, too.

28:31 Everybody is born sensitive and psychic. We can all pick up a pencil and draw – some can do it better than others. It’s kind of the same thing. For some people it comes naturally, whereas other people have to work on it. However, everybody has this ability.

In her daily practice, Cherise describes herself to be a very disorganised person. She never has a set time to do things, but she does make sure to incorporate at least 5 minutes of introspection or spiritual connection everyday. It could be an oracle card, smelling oils, or even more in depth by doing a meditation. She pulls cards every day, like oracle cards, a lot of them have messages on the card that help her to check in with herself, and her spiritual team, and to be aware of the message.

You can close your eyes for 3-5 minutes – it’s an easy and excellent way to shut out all the chaos around you and focus on your breath and any sort of feeling. Even the smallest things can have meaning when you are closing your eyes and breathing – pay attention to any feelings that you are getting. The more you focus on the little things, the easier it becomes to tap into that space, and receive those messages. Takes a bit of work to silence that logical and negative part of your brain, and to accept things as they are.

33:07 Cherise uses oils for anything and everything. It’s good for meditation, and to breathe. She has a blend for balance and calm, which she has with her a lot. She feels they work not only on a spiritual level, but also a physical level; they are called nature’s medicine for a reason. The instant you smell, it elicits emotions, and your brain releases chemicals.

Cherise loves lavender, which physically and emotionally stimulates relaxation. When you use oils and look up the meaning they stand for, it usually aligns which what you’re going through. It’s helpful to talk to somebody who is affiliated with oils as they can help steer you in the direction as to what each can be used for.

38:23 When it comes to crystals, Cherise grabs whatever is calling to her and looks up the meaning for it. They are there to help supports you, and your energetic body and chakra system. She uses the crystals depending on what she needs – she holds them during meditation and suggests that you do this in your non-dominant hand, as it is your receiving hand. This will allow you to receive the energies into your body while you meditate.

Welcome to the 40th Episode of the Curiously You podcast where we are speaking with intuitive coach Hellè Weston about pioneering your own spiritual path, dropping into and trusting your own inner wisdom, and creating an unconventional life.

Hellè walks us through her unconventional upbringing and how for the longest time she felt like she didn’t belong. We discuss how it feels to be out of alignment with your heart’s purpose, and her experience of going through a breakdown. This difficult time opened up the way for some unconventional spiritual and healing practices including channelling, hypnotherapy, and natural remedies.

You’ll love this episode if you:-

– Are struggling to find an aligned spiritual practice that feels good for you, and you want to create an intention going forward.

– Want some assurances that your unorthodox life choices is perfectly fine, you are not alone with being unconventional!

– Are embarking on a spiritual awakening journey, and would like some support around how this has looked for Hellè.

Time Stamped Show Notes

[4:49] Helle’s unconventional path began when she was born to eccentric patents. She was born in the red light district of Auckland, New Zealand, and there were prostitutes and nightclubs everywhere. It was a very unusual environment to grow up in.

She was an empathetic and sensitive child, and her parents struggled to manage her. She saw things others didn’t, and had an intensity that made her feel like she did not belong. Her parents were DJ’s and her house became the central hub for creativity and socialising. As a result she had more adult friends than child peers.

As the years went by, the sense of not belonging persisted. Out of necessity and desperation to find answers and comfort it led her to explore more. Initially, her response was to shut down her sensitivity and try her best to blend in with others and be what she thought “normal” would look like. It didn’t go so well for her as felt unnatural, and she felt alone.

Fast forward into her late teens, while she was travelling she began to soul search and found a purpose: to become a stylist. She dove right into fashion, and for years she climbed the career ladder, styling covers, and becoming a fashion editor for an online magazine.

On paper, it looked really impressive for such a young person, yet she found it difficult to pretend that all was well. Whilst the job fuelled her creativity, she felt she was giving nothing back to the planet’s deeper needs.

Eventually through inward reflection, she stopped working, and her body became unwell. It was a breakdown, and so she began to focus on her healing. She turned away from medication toward natural medicine, learned about plant-based diet, and looked at the mind-body relationship. She eventually began hypnotherapy, which then inspired her to study clinical hypnotherapy. At the same time she dove deep into mediation as a practice.

During one of her meditations, she unexpectedly had a being appeared in front of her in her mind’s eye. She thought it was her imagination, but it opened up her curiosity. As she was perceiving him, he gave such detailed explanations about who he was.

[13:49] When Hellè was growing up, she could perceive spirits every single day and was aware that they surrounded her. She had so much fear about these unseen worlds. She always said, “I don’t want to see you!”.

The way this being appeared was human like, but she knew he wasn’t human. She asked him, is this your true form? He changed into an alien appearance and asked again, if this was his true form and he began to say that he was a multi-dimensional being.

[16:05] When this initially happened – it was really unexpected but it felt unusually safe. It’s like you meet someone you feel like you’ve known all along. Sometimes you have those interactions in the physical world.

After she started receiving messages, it didn’t stop. From that initial contact, she received messages every day. She would write pages and pages, without any thoughts. Resistance to this experience was the fear of what people would think, which truly terrified her. Her friends weren’t into this kind of thing and she didn’t have anybody that she knew that was having any experience remotely like this. She thought people would think she was crazy.

She also felt sceptical on herself, so she tried to look at any blind spots. Was she right in her mind? We are all human and we all have that conditioning going on. And to be the person that this happens to – it felt very inconvenient.

[19:36] After the initial contact experience, information she had never conceived of was shared with her. She jumped onto Google and realised this information is already out there, hidden in plain sight. It’s up to us to choose to look for it or not.

How would humanity respond if all of this information was dumped on us in one go? Instead, there is a gradual seeding of truth so we can assimilate it. This allow our consciousness to process and apply the teachings that the higher civilisations show us to treat our planet with the respect it deserves.

[23:25] She believes that this knowledge is accessible to everyone however it may not be on everyone’s path.

What these beings have to offer us are teachings we can apply on a ground level. A simple way someone could start is through meditation. Helle’s come to understand that these experiences are possible for us when we evolve our physiology. She changes her brain waves when she enters into an altered state during meditation. She learned self-hypnosis, which is what allows her to drop her brainwaves very quickly. When you learn to hypnotise yourself, you allow your whole body to relax in a matter of seconds.

[26:00] A good place to start is to look at rapid relaxation meditation, you can learn self-hypnosis and rapid relaxation which allows you to enter a state similar to what you would be working with a hypnotherapist. You’re allowing all of the mind chatter to be put aside and dropping more into the subconscious.

[27:05] It takes a lot of bravery to go through this. It can show up in many different ways as we continue in our awakening journey – the more we realise how much depth there is occurring in every single moment.

All of us love to feel safe and familiar – it’s entering into the unknown that is scary. As we embark on this journey, it’s important to have discernment: what’s the intention, what do you want to find? For Hellè, there was no agenda, as she wasn’t seeking anything. If women want to open up more, check in and create the clearest possible intention for yourself. Feel into your inner guidance, and avoid being naïve. As you become more aware, you become more aware of the light and shadows. We are in a dualistic reality, and so you need to have your wits about you.

[30:00] One of the simplest things you can do to be cosmic-smart is to use prayer – simple prayer. Ask for guidance of the highest good as you enter into the experience, ask that you be safe, protected and surrounded by love. This is enough to create that for yourself.

[32:47] The message is about unconditional love – how to practice it more in your everyday life. Offshoots from that are teachings about humility, being sincere on spiritual journey, and being free from ego and identity. It’s about being humble and kind.

Hellè has also learned the beauty of being able to move through life anchored in a deep sense of trust and neutrality. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in your own or worldly dramas. It’s important to care about what’s happening, and our own needs on a personal level, however there is a broader perspective that we can adopt. As cliché as it sounds, we must trust: everything is happening in divine order.

[36:40] You’re not trying to remove the issues of those she works with, rather she’s reached the point where she is curious about what gems might be hidden in those issues, and what can be created from them.

Society has changed around Hellè, and also shaped her gradually. She has let go of a lot, and done work around self-acceptance. She’s lived in two worlds – a stable inner-world foundation, but a challenging the outer world.

She cared about what people thought – not all her family knows about what she does, or would believe or accept it. It hurts and gets her down. She feels like her genuine personal experience is not fully and completely understood by the mainstream. It has allowed her to make a commitment to honour herself everyday as no amount of approval can fill that void – only self-love and self-approval can.

She moved from NZ to travel more, learn more about different cultures, which has landed her in Bali in Ubud. It’s a spiritual hub of the world and a part of her reason of moving there has been to give herself permission to be who she is, and embrace the experiences she has. In Bali, these topics are conversation on the street, and not anything super out there.

[43:48] The more she’s accepted herself, the more she’s naturally attracted people who resonate with her. The more you own who you are, the more the people who don’t resonate with you will fall away, and you will start attracting your tribe.

Take one step at a time and be gentle with yourself, you don’t need to push and rush. This is why it has taken her this time to process and build up an ability to stand in who she is. In the west, we can get into such a rush to arrive to be in our full power and it feels very all or nothing, so we can become frozen.

Take baby steps as simple as when you’re at work, instead of hiding the self help book – put it out on the table and someone might see it and make a comment. Instead of playing yourself down, make conscious decisions to be authentic to things that don’t resonate anymore.

You will look back on the little steps that honoured yourself will allow you to have the freedom you do today.

Merry 2018! To kick off this year we have Sarah Lajeunesse on the show discussing the modern paradigm of intertwining our worth with our work, how we can go about releasing our out-dating stories in order to connect with and express our untapped human capacity. Through this we begin to shift with confidence into our authenticity, showing up as we are, and speaking our mind. 

I’m willing to put out there that each of us holds a story that we believe to be truth. We often build a great deal of shame, guilt and lack of self-worth around these stories, which disempower us and prevent us from living our best life.

Throughout this episode, Sarah provides examples and case studies to help us create meaning around our lack of self worth, move through and beyond our limiting belief systems, and show up with compassion and acceptance for ourselves as we get ever-closer to who we are at our core.

 You’ll love this episode if:

• You have a great deal of anxiety around being successful because you feel unworthy when you fall short.
• Have been telling yourself a story for the longest time. You feel something is holding you back and you are ready to uncover and release this story for 2018.
• Want to make 2018 a year of radical authenticity and want to know where to start.

 Time-stamped Show Notes

4:54 Sarah started her career about 15 years ago and got into the sports marketing world. She desired to work for Nike in marketing, events and corporate sponsorships across Canada.

She found because of her very achievement-driven nature, she started to focus her self worth with the success of her career – the bigger house, the better position, bonus or whatever validation she received in her work. She would receive temporary fulfilment when achieving these things, then she would go back to feeling unfulfilled.

The logical part of her brain told her she needed to do more. As she got busier, her life started to fall apart. Her long-term relationship ended as she found it difficult to separate her personal and professional life. She stopped making time for health and wellness, and it culminated with a severe anxiety attack during yoga. She couldn’t stop worrying about all of the emails that were flooding into her inbox whilst in the yoga session. She sprinted into the change room where she started shaking and vomiting uncontrollably. 

From there, she had the experience of, “when the student is ready, the teacher or message appears.” She believes she was her biggest client when she started her own journey.

9:39 The core of Sarah’s work is understanding that we all know what will make us happy, but there is something at a subconscious level that stops us from moving forward. Through the work that Sarah does, she believes that at our core, there is this incredible powerful level of humanity.

When we were children we were a perfect blend of excitement and creativity, and at our most authentic. Over time, people of influence such as media, parents, siblings, coaches or mentors may say something that sticks, or we witness or experience something that on a subconscious level that begins to affect our self-worth. Each individual tried to compensate for that lack self worth in different ways, from being overworked, to addictions etc.

14:15 When we have an awareness of where our scripts originate allows us to understand them. Certain moments in our past cause us to feel inadequate or unworthy, and drive the shame and guilt that we feel.

Sarah talks through some examples of particular clients and their belief systems around self worth. It’s about finding what the story was that you told yourself, and understanding that every human being has those shadows: guilt, and moments from the past that bring us shame.

There is always opportunity to move beyond the past – it’s important to be in a safe and judgement-free zone as you are working through those false stories and belief systems that keep you from moving forward. 

17:58 When we go through all of the things that make sense to do, like life coaching or yoga, sometimes there is an impossibility of escaping the pain as your mind is taken back there, no matter what.

Sarah talks Jen through a childhood experience she had when she hurt herself, and the expectations that were set around her to “just get on with it.” With women especially, there is a very powerful influence and pattern of behaviour and thinking that forms through the father/daughter relationships. Sarah goes into examples of how some of her clients have demonstrated this.

The biggest thing with making amends is to overcome the story you have told yourself. You need to give yourself permission to rewrite your story in way that feels right for you. It’s coming to an understanding that those who helped you build the foundations of your story are doing the best that they can. However, their way of doing things doesn’t mean that it’s our way of doing things.

If we are going to blame our parents for anything, we need to do it in a way that’s elegant, compassionate and with intelligence – without these experiences, we wouldn’t be taught love and compassion. Every single person and experience is specifically put there because we need some lesson from it.

27:18 Can you stand back and observe what is happening to you, whilst not being angry at the memory of it? In this way, you can exercise understanding, compassion and forgiveness around why certain influences in your life played out the way that they did. When you store emotions, they can eventually start becoming toxins in your body, which then start to come out either in your emotions or physically. You can find meaning in your suffering, and you will benefit by releasing it, and starting your healing journey.

The healing can begin after we realise that life is happening for us, not to us, and against us. All of your suffering and pain happens for a reason, whether it’s a lesson you need to learn, or to help your loved ones to not suffer from the same experiences.

When you find the meaning in your experiences, you take the energy from it, make sense of it, and then release it. It’s a constant journey. There isn’t a one size fits all overnight approach to help people understand what is going on underneath all these layers of being. 

38:03 Relapses happen, which can be anything from purging and binging food, sex addictions, drinking problems, and more. For Sarah, it was overworking herself. Sarah’s partner at the time had to chase her out the door to go and get a massage.

It’s ok to still have those relapse moments. You have to be very loving, kind and compassionate to yourself because you are working through so many out-dated belief systems and stories that have become people engrained in you. Sometimes it helps to picture yourself having a conversation with the “little you” who created that belief system while you are working through it.

41:53 Suffering, anxiety, depression and inner turmoil – those are signs that you are not expressing your true authentic self and true power. Sometimes it also results in an outburst, which is when you start to feel negative emotions.

What Sarah loves to discuss is giving yourself permission to speak your truth, even though it may not feel comfortable, nor right all the time. It’s about continuously giving yourself and doing things that allow you to express yourself to your truest potential. You have to be able to be your best self.

Start to evaluate the things in your life that are inauthentic with you. It could be with a partner or friends – find the parts of your life that don’t feel authentic. Give yourself permission to speak your truth in as many areas as possible. The second we hold out and don’t speak our truth, or allow our voice to be heard, we train our subconscious mind to believe that we are not deserving of self love, or self worth. We have been taught to sweep our emotions under the rug and suffering is the result of not being able to express our authentic self.

We put our own needs on the backburner for so long, it will start to manifest physically in so many ways. If we don’t give ourselves permission in any given area, it starts to add up over time.

Welcome to Episode 38 of the Curiously You podcast! Now you know I LOVE any story of breaking the rules, breaking the mould, questioning the norm, and doing things your own way. Those are exactly the stories and advice that our guest Sadie Rose Casey brings to us this week all about being a young mother, single mother, and step mother.

This episode looks head on at many issues around these unspoken rules and judgements we make about how motherhood ought to appear. We look at Sadie’s experiences of being a young mother and the discrimination and challenges she faced. Following divorce, she moved through being a single parent and all that entails, raising a child alone, dating, introducing partners and more.

Then into Sadie’s most recent phase and, as we discover, a topic that is not broadly covered across the internet: being step-mother, and integrating two separate families into one functioning unit. Again, what are the challenges, how can this be done with ease, and how can you make time for yourself now your household has multiplied.

These questions and more are covered in this episode, which you’ll love if:

- You are considering becoming, or already are, a young mum, and want to know what to look out for on the road ahead.

- You are a single mother, and want to know how to raise your child(ren) without overwhelm, but also enjoy all of your own pleasures and pursuits as well, including dating.

- You are about to become, or already are a step-mother. How can you move through this whole new phase of life with ease for yourself, your children, and your new family.

Time-stamped Show Notes

6:30 Sadie became a mother when she was 22 when she just graduated from college. At that time, it was such an unusual concept to grasp in her community. It really set her apart; others saw her as strange.

Sadie’s community at that time were centred on academia and ambition, especially after graduating. When Sadie became a mum, she rejected that model. She got married and had a baby straight after college, and got divorced when her son was 1. She spent most of her 20’s as a single mother.

It was an interesting journey because none of her friends had kids and, in spite of that, she was able to create a really great life. Her experiences were very different to other mothers because they were so much older than her, and she often found she couldn’t relate. This lead her to feel even more set apart.

9:04 Sadie knew that people in her personal circle would have a hard time with her being a mother. She found that her grandmother was the most supportive, however everyone else was questioning what she was doing.

So many women nowadays are becoming mum’s later in life, and there is this culture of being ambitious, single and freedom.

11:16 Sadie became a mother when she was so young, and so she didn’t really get the opportunity to plan her life. She knew she wanted to be a young mum and have a child by the time she was 25.

At the time she was working as a waitress and worked with a group of hip bar tenders. When she told her work colleagues she was pregnant she became ostracized from her work community. She lost her value to them because college life was about parties and freedom, which being a mother restricted.

13:09 Becoming a mum made Sadie grow up very fast. At aged 22 she was immensely tuned into her intuition at 22, which has helped her live her life in a much better way.

She has always been ambitious and creative in general, which she could maintain with ease as a mum. She couldn’t go off and work 60-hour weeks, but equally, she didn’t want to. This helped her gracefully balance living a slow life, with creating accomplishments.

Being unmarried, she had to take care of her and her baby and she had a blast. She lived with female roommates, began her work in lots of creative projects, which turned into her own business. It was free and fun. It was outside of the model of marriage and she flourish because of it.

15:30 Society conditions the equation “babies plus marriage” in our heads, even though the two don’t necessarily go together all the time. Nurturing her baby was so low impact - he took up such little space financially, physically and mentally, as he had a much smaller footprint. This gave her so much more freedom.

When she got divorced, her son was 1. That first year was hard; she had a baby, was super young, and knew she didn’t want to live on her own. Over time, she searched for room-mates and it was hard because no one wanted to live room with a baby.

She finally found a woman who was 38, and was ready to have a baby’s energy in her life. She had an amazing flat, and Sadie moved in with her. This lady was a chef and taught Sadie about cooking, and would help with the baby when Sadie needed to run errands. They became a family, and a tribe. Their flatmate was really nurturing to her, and this was the first step Sadie took toward building a very unique and powerful support system for herself.

20:28 When Sadie became a mother, she was young and naïve. The benefits of that were that she had neither expectations nor mental limits of what she could or couldn’t do. She was so flexible in her beliefs of what she thought was possible. She knew she needed to live with a woman and believed that the right thing would come along, and it did.

22:20 Sadie shares some advice for young women contemplating motherhood at a young age. She believes that everyone will shape their own experiences and learn in their own way. As a young women looking to become a mother, you have to really believe you can do it on your own because when you’re younger, the risk is so much higher.

Even if you’re in a relationship, try to listen to your intuition and be prepared to support yourself. No matter what circumstance you have in life, we truly can only rely on ourselves ultimately and when you become a mum, your child is also relying on you. In many circumstances no one is going to “save the day” for you.

23:54 She always dated a lot when her son was 5-9 years old, and she moved to California to be with her boyfriend of four years. It was a great chapter for Sadie and her son to have a man around. It was great to have that male energy in the house, and for her so to be involved in a lot of fun “boy stuff.” This helped Sadie feel supported in being a good parent. Her boyfriend at the time taught her son manners and would stick up for Sadie when her son was misbehaving.

20:54 When Sadie turned 30, she realised that she was ultimately unhappy in this relationship. A lot of her identity was wrapped up in being a single mum and, in her core, she still felt that way. She continued to operate in life from the point of view of the two of them – mum and son.

Now, being 35, she has some hindsight about how she could have done some things differently. You can keep dating separately, but only a certain point; you have to accept that at some point the relationships will merge.

No matter where we are, we kind of gravitate towards a family set up. And so, Sadie encourages single parents to be really thoughtful about not buying into that fantasy too much. Be really clear about what you want: say it to yourself, so you can say it to another person.

Even as a single mum, there is an invisible expectation that you will form a family with someone else at some point. Always practice getting clear on what you want, so you know if it’s what you want, or isn’t what you want. Don’t rush into anything, you need to be sure you are ready to co-habit with your partner - that’s where it can get really hard and emotional. It will be a steep growth path for you. 

32:40 After the break up, Sadie moved into a great cottage behind the home of her son’s teacher, which was great because the teacher would drive him to school!

It was tucked away in the hills of a tiny little town. She spent 3 years there and worked in her own clothing store, which was really fun. It was a time of solitude as Sadie didn’t do many social things but instead focused on empowering endeavours such as workshops and events from her stores. It was a pathway to getting herself back after feeling depleted from her previous relationship.

34:42 Sadie’s son was growing up, and reaching a point where she felt he was too big for the space they lived in. She also became aware of the fact that she didn’t want to raise a teenage son on her own. She ended up meeting her current boyfriend through a mutual friend, and he also has children. 

They spent two years dating and hanging out, and it all seemed pretty simple. Their kids are two years apart, and all boys. It wasn’t until they moved in together that she really felt challenged to harmonise two separate homes. There are deeply ingrained ways of living and traditions that each unit is used to, and so when you move in together, everyone has to blend into that.

38:26 In this new chapter, Sadie has realised that all of her solitude – which was a huge part of her life - has completely disappeared. She has had to completely rethink the entire system at home, and how she could do it in a way that works for everyone. It’s still a work in progress.

She encourages her household to create “pockets”, so you can hang out in smaller groups. Over time, you have to build a relationship with each other. Tending to those smaller pockets helps make the overall unit stronger.

43:13 Sadie talks about the “first family” – where everyone is blood related and you have a chance to bond with a child at infancy. The baseline ground-zero comfort you have with first family cannot be replaced, but you need to find that space with that new family. It’s harder, and it takes time, however having a really solid structure so that the kids can strive is important.

Welcome to episode 37 with Amanda Rootsey, where we are discussing how to live gently for your health, peace, and well-being.

In today’s episode, Amanda shares with us her story of being diagnosed with cancer in her mid- twenties, and how this caused her to radically shift her lifestyle to facilitate her recovery.

In today’s episode we discuss the best kinds of nutrition (the best foods for health), organic and natural products (what to look for, and where to find them), and the importance of shedding the excess, and slowing down in your life. 

Amanda is a huge advocate of living a gentle life. Slowing down, so that you make time for self-care, not over-packing your schedule, and creating time for those things that are important to you. We also discuss what she has learned from her work with young teenage girls (and their parents), and the light that it shines upon us, and our struggles, into adulthood.

 You’ll love this episode if:

• You are rushed off your feet and/or heavy handed with yourself, this will teach you how to be more gentle with yourself.
• You want to make time to minimise your lifestyle, and make time for the things that are most important to you, but you don’t know where to start.
• You have been ill and want to know how Amanda created the lifestyle changes necessary to help heal her cancer, and get into good habits and good health ever since.

Time-Stamped Show Notes

0:30 Amanda discusses how now she used to live a very different life. In her early to mid 20’s, and all throughout high school, she was a people-pleaser. At her first job, she was very reliable, the person who never let people down. During the fast-living lifestyle of studying at University and doing side-job, she felt invincible. And yet, she looked exhausted and she knew she was; yet she stayed the course.

It was when she found a lump on her neck, which turned out to be stage 4 Hodgkin’s lymphoma, that she was forced to stop in her tracks. From there, she went vegan, meditated, and learned about health after years of modelling. She began to realise the amount of chemicals that were around her: on her face and skin, and even in her food.

The cancer stopped her in her tracks and forced her to contemplate the type of life she was living, and how she could help her body to heal going forward.

2:28 When Amanda became diagnosed with cancer, instead of feeling overwhelmed for her future, she found out as much information as possible. She trusted whatever came up for her at the time was what she needed.

One of the books that really helped her was “The China Study,” which was a book about proteins in food and how it can impact the body. She wanted to survive cancer through natural means, and so she became vegan, and began meditating.

Her doctor told her about conventional cancer treatments, and also assured that her lifestyle adjustment was a positive step in the right direction.

9:32 After her diagnosis, the hardest part was finding faith in herself, and believing what she was doing was right course of action for her. This was the biggest lesson for her, because what works for someone else, might not work for you.

She did a juice fast in Thailand for 7 days. She cleaned out her liver through coffee being inserted through her behind, which was a completely different way of living for her!

 10:26 In the year she was diagnosed, Amanda did things naturally for about a year and went down her own path as much as possible. Eventually, she had chemotherapy and radiation.

During this time, her eyes were bright, her skin was clear, and she had lots of energy. All the changes in lifestyle made it seem very quick to see changes; and during the 12 months of treatment, her tumors were reducing. She adopted a new self-care regime, where she consciously began switching-out the product she used.

She encourages you to look closely at the products you are using and consider swapping them out as necessary when they finish. There may be organic or natural alternative products you can use. A way to check out how many chemicals impact your products is by entering them on ewg.org. They have an incredible database for almost any ingredient to see and how it’s rated in terms of safety.

Amanda changed quickly because it was important at that time. She stopped wearing a lot of products - especially make up - for a while, until she found appropriate alternatives.

A frequent fear around this way of life is that it is going to be difficult which stops many from pursuing it, however you can find products in your local supermarket, and the best items you’ll find are online. These days there is so much on offer compared with 6-7 years ago, even Shampoos are labeled vegan or organic.

13:49 Amanda, her puppy Trudy, and partner David were living off the grid for a while. David dropped everything to look after her full-time, and was able to sell a unit that he had so he could look after her at the time, which helped with finances. At the time, he was more exhausted than Amanda.

They were living in a caravan, because it was simple, and the worries of having a big home to clean were eliminated. Living simply was a great way to go through that healing journey. They grew their own veggies, lived off one solar panel, and battery.

16:52 The experience of going through cancer, living off the grid, and going through this healing process bought about a change of mindset and beliefs afterward. They were conscious of what was being bought into their lives.

Once Amanda moved back from being off-grid she slotted back in very easily. She believes that once you start living a certain way, it’s easy to get back into the swing of things to forget what you learnt. And so, she has to remind herself that she lived simply back then. If you want to live off the grid, there is a proper way of doing it. You need to build and set things in a particular way.

20:00 Amanda discusses being mindful of where your food comes from, and how you fill your time. For her, it’s important to watch her calendar and ensure that it’s not too crazy. When it gets too crazy, she gets pulled away from her partner.

She knows that having lots of white space during the week in her calendar allows her to be freely creative. It also allows her to work the way that she wants to, which then flows through all other aspects of the household. This is how she creates a gentle space.

26:42 All day, every day, teaching wasn’t something she could sustain long term and more importantly, the fact that it would burn her out meant she couldn’t be at her best for her students. At the moment, she has week-long programs during the school holidays, and ensures that she has the time and support during the week to recover.

She has found this process of balance came from trial and error. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle of the online business space, however, she would much prefer to have more time and to feel more relaxed in the day.

She’s a firm believer in working in a gentle way, which means you can find what works for you, and that it is possible to earn a decent income without having to sacrifice everything.

32:42 Amanda has learned on her journey that natural health is important, and that we are in control of our thoughts, self-worth and goal-setting. At the end of her off-grid year, she was feeling antsy to get out and start doing something. During the following year, she got her first program created: a one-week curriculum. It was well received, and so she kept going.

37:45 One of the things she really enjoyed was working with young people, in pre-teen and teen years, and she learned how much this period of life impacts into adulthood.

She began to understand the psychology of teens, and how their brain is developing in a chaotic manner as both sides of the brain are beginning of fire-off at the same time. This can be confusing, and is in addition to hormonal and bodily changes.

It’s intense, and as adults, we are very quick to say, “get over it,” or, “you’ll be fine,” but it’s everything to them in that moment. These experiences can be devastating for for them.

40:55 As an adult, you get through friction, but for school kids, peers have some unfiltered opinions and harsh words. Kids are also very curious, and are eager to learn, particularly life skills that are not taught in schools. Amanda feels her courses give these teens an opportunity to sit and chat as young people do, and when you can sit there and ask them, you find that they are so wise in that moment too.

42:50 To “shine from within” comes back to having open communication with each other, and with children and teens. It’s about finding ways to keep that communication going as around the ages of 14 or 15, teenagers tend to want to pull back because they want independence, and start to look to their peers for advice.

And so they will argue with everything that their parents have to saying, because they want to be different. If you can make sure that you’re communicating with them really well throughout that time, it makes life smoother, and simpler. Have those moments where it’s just you two whether it is when you’re driving them to sports, or dashboard conversations, cooking, going for a walk.

Amanda completed a mother/daughter retreat earlier in the year. When the mums were apart from the teen girls, they shared with Amanda that “they can see how stressed out parents are, and don’t want to add to their burdens”. What was then created through this process was to allocate what was termed “Deep and Meaningful” time that the teenagers could have with their parents. This was their time together, which was exciting to have. The mum’s really loved hearing that they wanted that, too.

46:02 Amanda has learnt so much through her program, “Shine From Within”. It has been going for 4 years, and keeps organically evolving. 

The beauty of these programs also is that people can be taught to run their own programs. Amanda still runs the week-long courses and, next year, she will be finishing off a book with the publisher Hay House. This will probably lead to more opportunities to work with teams that need an online program. 

She is also creating The Gentle Business Mastermind, as she believes there is a need be surrounded by people who want to build a business gently, rather than hustle.