Modern Dating. Where to even start.

I actively dated for ten years before I met my husband. Ten Years of luke-warm feelings that lead to gentle let downs, heart-break, being stood up, navigating feelings, one-night stands, hopes of lasting love that fell in a heap and more! It’s a rollercoaster out there, and I know it. Which is why I invited Kira Sabin, a professional coach who helps single women find lasting love onto the show.

In today’s episode, we are speaking about the missing link in dating and love. Perhaps in work, friendships, and many other parts of your life you are methodical, you’ve got your head screwed on, and you’ve got your s**t together. But when it comes to dating and relationships, you feel scattered and out of control. You sustain yourself on the fickle chemical of romance, and hope that the perfect partner will come swanning into your life.

Kira goes deeper into that airy-fairy feeling we obsess over, breaks it open, and explores what’s going on behind it. We bring attention to the elephant in the room: your vulnerability. We go into communicating your wants, needs and desires with your partner, even when it feels risky early on in the relationship.

We also dive into the practical side of dating, and we can do to get out there and meet that partner: the what, when, where, and how of finding that perfect match through dating.

You’ll love this episode if:

• You’ve literally swiped left and right all the way to the end of your current options;
• You feel jaded, tired and confused by the modern dating game and need a fresh approach that works;
• You are ready to do the internal work – as well as the outward work – to find the relationship of your dreams.

Time-stamped Show Notes

5:02 Kira discusses the missing link between dating and relationships and explains how there is a struggle to get past the fairy tale, and stage of vulnerability initially to allow the relationship to blossom into authenticity.

When she started her practice, she asked herself: “what do I want to talk about?” And so, one of the things she loves about her job is that all day, every day, she gets to discuss love.

She finds it fascinating that there is a distinct difference between relationships today versus when our parents dated, it’s all very “unicorn-fairy-dust” these days.

6:46 Kira has found a common thread of behaviour, especially in women. She meets highly educated women who have high-achieving academic accolades and spend their days working with stats and numbers. Yet, when you bring up love, it’s as if a switch clears their brain. They don’t think about what makes sense, or what needs working on, instead they go into this fairy-tale place when it comes to love.

A part of Kira’s job is breaking people’s hearts on a daily basis in order to helping them get to real relationships. She helps her clients realise that all people have two sides: positives and negatives. If you have no idea how to communicate and solve problems, how to vulnerable together and create a real partnership, it can be hard to sustain and maintain an authentic relationship.

This usually means that none of us have really ever learned enough about ourselves, and it’s in this self-awareness that our relationship skills build.

9:20 The short answer: to get an authentic relationship you must not only use your heart, but also your head. Try to assess: does this person know how to communicate? Do they know how to work through problems?

We have to start thinking about how relationships work, and how friendships work. In a friendship, we talk, we’re open, and we share. If we don’t do that in our relationships, they will not work. 

Self-awareness is a huge tool – it takes you through how you learn to love, how you communicate, how you create boundaries. These are basic relationship skills that are not taught to us because society doesn’t prioritise learning how to communicate in a way that feels good for both people. 

You need to know yourself well enough to know exactly what you need, and that’s going to look different for everybody.

12:55 Some tips to grow in self awareness are:

1. Do the love language quiz. It’s a simple quiz and in 60 seconds you take the quiz and you can ascertain exactly what your love language is and what it is that you need to be shown love. These can then communicate this to the person you are thinking of becoming involved with.
2. How do you attach yourself to people? And self-awareness in this regard will help you understand how you are putting yourself out there, how you are presenting yourself to others.

14:24   The core of Kira’s work is simple. All decisions that we make on a daily basis are made from either fear or love; love for yourself, or the greater good. And yet most of the dating decisions are made in fear and loneliness, for example, fear of being lonely as all their friends are with somebody.

Whenever we respond to others from fear, we’ll believe things like, “I just want them to like me so I don’t want to share too much about myself.” When you start there, it’s very hard to turn that into love. You can’t grow to a healthy place from fear.

16:06 It’s hard to not have fear. Here are some techniques to shift this:

1. Love, be yourself. Be who you actually are, because it will show up in your relationship at some point. Check in with yourself: are doing this for another person, or for yourself? If it’s for yourself – it’s love. If it’s not, generally it’s fear.
2. Calm down. We have wacky expectations around dating and relationships, believing that that jobs, looks and style are a priority, however, this has little to do with if they are good at relationships.

At the beginning, all we have is attraction. Get to know this person, learn stories, ask questions to try and understand who they are.

18:36   The best way to date is to just to be out there as authentically as possible, and treat it like you want a friendship. Think of how you behave with your friends, or when you have just made a new friend, would you try to manipulate the situation? The more that you can come from that place – the more love you can anchor.

Sometimes not all chemistry is instant. There’s a statistic that has found that people who believe in love at first sight are three times more likely to cheat. People are only thinking about feelings. These ‘chemical surge’ feelings will go in 6 months to 2 years, that’s when things are going to change.

22:05   In the US, only 20% people meet online, yet the industry thinks it’s more. 

In theory online is a great idea, however, the reality is far from this. Online profiles are generally more of a façade; people are not presenting their most authentic self. Kira is personally a huge fan of meeting others through friends. If you want to meet new people, grow your friendship group if you’ve exhausted your options through your current ones. Do things you love to do, Take a classes, even if it’s only women.

If you go to the party, don’t worry about meeting “the single guy”. Think about getting to know the women who know everybody. As women, we are more comfortable with those partnership suggestions who have been “approved”, and this is where power of referral comes into play. You will also be happier, have better relationships, and you’ll meet better quality people.

25:37   Kira talks about the scavenger-hunt style tasks she asks her clients to do. This enables her clients to get out of their comfort zone, helps them meet other people, and builds their confidence. These are crazy conversation starters to get you talking to people. Most women don’t like to be vulnerable so setting up an act or a task that involves them asking something of someone else creates the missing link.

30:37   If you’re in the fairy tale phase, speaking up, setting boundaries, and communicating your needs can be scary, especially if you really like this person. The more that you can work on getting out of your comfort zone, the easier it becomes to have these direct conversations with someone you like.

32:06   Kira draws examples of her own relationship of how she became vulnerable in her relationship. She expressed to her boyfriend when they were first dating, that she was an anxious dater and she can talk herself in and out of any relationships in a few seconds. When she explained this to her boyfriend, he understood that communication was important to her.

Kira believes that we create relationships with another perfectly flawed human being. You need to be able to talk about what you need, so you can figure out these ”bumps” together. Overall, most men in our society and culture want to be great for us, but we don’t tell them how to. It’s a powerful level to reach in a relationship if you can get there.

39:47   Each person is different, you are going to have to figure it out together. As women we want an easy hack, which doesn’t exist. The more you can get boundaries, be vulnerable, communicate what you need, the happier you will be.

You have your own journey to go on. You can’t fix or control each other’s journey – but you can help and support each other.

49:54   Only about 10% of people get from the obsessive love phase to authentic love phase.

 The exciting part is that we can grow that number because it just shows how few people are taking that phase and applying any kind of sense to it to move into the next one.

 When confidence is built on someone else’s validation, we are always going to end up in fear. When we start in fear, it’s hard to end in love.

Hello Curious Friends! In today’s episode with Life Coach Jess Garay we are discussing what it means to lead an intentional life in honour of pursuing your big picture dreams and goals.

Jess shares her story of working in nursing, and noticing that people always regret what they haven’t done in life, rather than what they have. Yet this is only in retrospect. In the moment we tend to do one of two things: either dream so big that we find it hard to fill in the blanks of getting there, or get so caught up in getting through each day that we live by default, and end up drifting away from our dreams.

Today’s episode is all about what we need to foster in ourselves to reach our secret long-term dreams. We look at it through a lense of simplicity: creating an intentional life: what that looks like, and how to create it. We discuss the power of looking after ourselves, visualisation, and creating smaller goals to get us closer to our dreams. We also discuss moving past fear, worry, and doubt, all of which we must do if we are to reach what we desire.

You’ll love this episode if:

- You are so busy just getting though the day that you don’t even know what your big dreams are. This will help you gain more clarity.

- You have big picture goals, but they seem really far away and unachievable from where you stand. This will help you close the gap.

- You struggle to say “no”, express your needs, and look after everyone else before yourself. You’ll learn how this is doing everyone a disservice, and what you can do about it.

Time Stamped Notes

7:28 Jess Garay is a certified life coach, but prior to that she worked as a registered nurse for nearly 10 years, working with patients on their journey. She found she wanted to impact and work with people on a different and deeper level.

As a life coach, she has conversations with people who wish that they did things differently and had chosen a different path in life. She has a friend who runs a life-coaching school, she signed up and hasn’t looked back. She enjoys exploring what it means to choose your best life.

8:58 Eight years into her nursing career she learned that, at the time, studying nursing was the best choice for her, however sometimes you can work really hard for something, and you arrive at what you think is the perfect life, yet something is missing.

Jess didn’t want to pass on opportunities or have any regrets. And she knew that she could impact people on a more meaningful level beyond nursing. Shifting into coaching shifted her entire life, and the tools she acquired impacted her work as a nurse. 

She was inspired by and learned a lesson from the people she talked to as a nurse. She noticed that the regret they felt came from the things that they hadn’t done in their lives, and wished they had, rather than the things they did, but wished they hadn’t.

12:34 Looking at the big picture of your life, what are the things that give you the most joy? Are you doing what will enable you to have the best life possible? If you’re working towards having those deep relationships or that career that you want, what does that look like for you and how are you going to get it? 

This all sounds very simple, but if that were the case, why isn’t everyone doing it? Yet fears surface. With two children herself, Jess knows that day-to-day commitments get in the way. Yet, how can you start to really believe that it’s possible? It’s not an easy process, otherwise everyone would do it. 

Jess believes that boundaries are important, or the ability to say “no”, which gets easier in time and with practice. Simply put, if you don’t want to do something, say no.

When you say no to something, you’re saying yes to something else. So if you’re saying no to something that someone else has asked you to do, you’re saying yes to self-care, spending time doing what you want to do. This is a practice that will help you create alignment with yourself, and your bigger picture, because you are saying no to the things that don’t bring you joy.

17:59 Jess explains how can we go about living an intentional life every day. In her nursing career, had a longing for something more, but she couldn’t clarify what it was. It easy to get caught up in the every-day, doing this and that, going here and there, that we don’t think about the big picture, and how we are going to arrive at that future we really desire. Or other times, we create a big vision future, but miss the steps in between.

How do you get from where you are, to the things that you want to do in your future?  Jess believe it comes back to boundary setting, all too often we are doing things that we don’t need to do, or doing things ineffectively.

A lot of people often forget themselves along the way in their journey of life and they prioritise everybody else and in doing so, are not able to shine their best light into the world. We pour all our energy into our friends, family, jobs, work and oftentimes we forget ourselves – and our own precious energy - in this process. Eventually, with this pattern, you won’t be able to give to others either. There is where boundaries and self-care is important so you can maintain your energy levels to give to yourself, and to others.

What do you want in your world/life and what are those things that you can do in the meantime that are going to get you closer?
For Jess, it always starts with personal development. To read, watch or listen to what is going to blow her mind (and heart), and get her close to those goals.

23:10 It’s natural to have fears and doubts; our worst critic is often ourselves. When those fears and doubts come in, if you take those as truth, you won’t get to that bigger picture because you’re so stuck in your head. 

You must figuring out what is truth and what’s not truth, and being kind and gracious as a result. You were made for amazing things in the world; beating yourself up before you get there is really going to inhibit that space you want to get to.

One of the ways Jess recommends to start is through guided meditation: visualise walking on the journey through that meditation. Follow the story and take yourself to that future place. For a moment, take yourself away from your current reality and out of your mind.

24:09 Jess work in a future-oriented manner, that is, your dreams and goals: how does your best life look? The past comes up because that’s what shaped who you are now. Yet, when you get as specific as possible about what you feel like is holding you back, with time and patience you accept the path you are currently on, and from there start working toward the life that you want.

26:08 Its whatever speaks to you the most, and whatever you’re going to get the most out of that will work for you. You can visualise separately from a meditation, or together. When we hear concepts of meditation, we feel like there’s only one way to do it. Everyone is individual. Test a few different ways out, and find what works for you. 

28:56 Cultivate your own tool kit of what works for you. Move into the goals you desire by breaking them down. What are those three goals that are going to get you closer to living the life that you love? Things that you’re going to do today, or overall in general.

32:12 All of these things you want to do, these passions – it can be overwhelming. Start with small steps. Avoid fast forwarding your goals and pushing yourself beyond your limits as in the long term that’s not a good strategy. Keep in mind that you do need to take these steps so a great way to map out the pathway is through brainstorming what exactly is that you want to achieve. It’s also important to be realistic about what you can do. Don’t set yourself up for failure before as those mental games are going to creep in. Look at those goals and be realistic about it. 

Work back from the goal from what the desired action is. It can apply to other situations from looking at in the middle – you’re going to have to break that down into meaningful chunks.  Sometimes it can be as easy as delegation and getting others to do work that you perhaps could relinquish to allow you to do what you love. This could be in your personal life or in your professional too. Learn how to say no and live with intention.

Welcome to Part II of the interview with Lauren Aletta! Last week we spoke about humans as vibrational and energetic beings, and this week we move onto our seasonal cycles as showing up in different areas of life – work, romance, friendships, finance. Importantly, we learn how those seasons – when understood, embraced and worked with – create harmony and ease in our life-experience.

Spring, summer, autumn (fall for our US listeners!), and winter: we all know about that, right? Yet what if seasonal cycles don’t only occur in nature, but are also reflected in our life experiences? You wouldn’t wear a big winter coat to a summer festival, nor would you have flowers in your hair and feel light and open during a long, cold blizzard. Yet by acting in this misaligned way as we move through the seasonal cycles of our life can create pain, difficulty and resistance.

If we make changes to our outlook, approach, and behaviour, during our different seasons, our life will become flooded with ease, harmony and clarity – whether riding the peaks, or wading through the troughs.

In today’s episode, Lauren helps us understand the features of each season. What internal and external signs to look out for, the best way to approach events that typically occur throughout the seasons to ensure we transition smoothly and in flow through each one.

You’ll love this episode if you:

• Feel like different areas of life: work, romance, and friendships (to name a few), are an uphill struggle. It could be you are fighting the approaching season (nooooo, I love summer!), or behaving out of alignment with the best practices of each season.
• Want to infuse your life experience with more meaning by embracing the struggles, and the learning that comes with them, as tightly and lovingly as the wonderful happy highs.

Time-stamped show notes

6:08 Lauren believes that from the soul perspective, there is a sense that it knows why you are here, and what are you here to achieve. From the human perspective, the same thing can be difficult to work out.

If we follow the inner feeling from start to finish, we find that the route we need is mapped on the inside. The soul evolves, expands and explores to become more You.

The Seasonal Cycles

Winter: A person who is unhappy in his or her work is an example of someone who is going through a winter cycle. They hadn’t always felt this way, yet they are beginning to realise that have outgrown the reason which got them into that work in the first place.

During winter, we are often unavoidably facing things that we’ve never faced before, and so we may feel depressed. Depression usually arises from healed wounds, or not sourcing appropriate tools to navigate through the winter.

We humans have become programmed to be unaccountable for the winter-period and so, instead of confronting the issue, medication is taken for our depression. And yet, this is a time to be really honest and in check with yourself, because we can’t find our way out of this difficult place if we can’t be really be honest with ourselves.

Winter is the completion of something.

Winter is a calling to let you know that you’ve outgrown something.

Winter is asking you to move through it, and to finish up anything that might be attached.

During the third part of winter – there is something else that you’re being called towards. It’s you becoming the energetic upgrade so you can expand into the next level of you. We will find that there is a tipping point between the end of winter and beginning of Spring.

Winter is not the most pleasant season, but it is most transformative season. You have to be internally active in winter, because externally you will probably want to be reclusive.

13:37 Spring is thrilling and exciting. You get an internal fluttery sensation, life slowly comes back to you, and you being to feel excited for things to come.

You are looking at yourself through new eyes. Ideas are coming to you, and you start to take action toward this new-found sense of inspiration. It’s important to know that your mind can’t tell you how you’re going to get there, but your internal prompts will. You will feel light and fresh; you are flying, and intuitively navigating through all that spring brings.

15:15 Summer is the manifestation of what you’re excited about. Everything is coming together, you’re taking action, and it’s fast paced as your inspirations come to life. You will become very busy, and is not as intuitively driven as winter or spring: summer is externally focused.

However toward the end of summer, you’ll start to feel flickers of Autumn.

17:15 During Autumn you are looking to re-experience the thrill and excitement of high summer. Intuitively, you will know when you’re forcing things. We are often quite tired – energetically and physically. Autumn is a time to reflect upon and take stock of what we have achieved. There is a mission for each cycle that we enter and in Autumn we are heading toward completion, and we are lead back into winter.

There are varying degrees of intensity for Winter – it can be dark, heavy, cold, or things can become still and quiet. You know that you’re due another growth phase when you return to the beginning of winter.

19:46 There many facets in life: work, love, relationships, financial, home and these all go through seasonal cycles. There are wheels within wheels. The inner wheels have seasonal cycles; they are all cogs in this larger wheel, which is the overarching wheel of you.

We seem to notice shifts mostly in personal relationships and our career. In time, we begin to discover that we come out the other side feeling refreshed.

22:55 We must move in process from one seasons to the next, and be open to what we need to learn about ourselves in each season. When we attempt to skip seasons by manipulating the circumstances of our life, we are missing the lessons that are open to us during that time.

For example, if you’re chasing spring all the time you will find the same kinds of issues repeating, because you are not prepared to travel through the cycle, and recognise that these issues are needed as part of your learning within that season.

25:53 Life is made up of the following pillars: love and relationships, career and work, money and finance. These are based off social and western frameworks of culture, and are the framework upon which we have created our lives

People and icons in the world that are living their passion light us up; you can tell that they have this message, and you can feel their excitement. We have our own beliefs and own values, which are inherited from our own family. For example, financial beliefs inherited from parents and grandparents that were formed in response to what was going on in the world when they were alive. These beliefs get threaded down the family line.

We need to make a story up about what it is that we experienced in order to make sense of the world, and so we attach a narrative, and beliefs are born.

33:42 Lauren explains that when we are taught that something is the right way to be, we don’t allow ourselves to know ourselves. We can’t make an informed decision about who we are, what we want, and what we’re capable of, we just do as we are told. We’ve been so confined and defined by somebody else, and Lauren provides some examples from her life, and others’ lives, to explain this.

We are forever going through these seasonal cycles, and there are no “good” or “bad” points about what is experienced within them. Society asks us to stay out of the winter, however it’s part of the process, and also the most transformative season.

As we expand into more and more of ourselves. There needs to be a level of acceptance for part of the process as it creates contentment no matter what phase you’re in. Lauren then talks about an example of how she went through a seasonal process with anxiety.

48:15 Listen to your internal voice during anxiety, and you will be ok. When all of these little cogs in your wheel, when more of them are in a winter, that’s a life deconstruction. You will begin crumbling – your internal frameworks, your human self, and what you’ve created your identity upon. You will hit ground zero. But this is the place from which you can rebuild.

Welcome to Part 1 of the Curiously You podcast interview with teacher, writer and intuitive guide Lauren Aletta as we discuss aligning with our intuition, making sense of energetic ties across lifetimes, and distinguishing between our human-self, and our soul-self.

You know that feeling you get when you walk into a room, but you stop in your tracks suddenly because you can’t remember why you walked in there, what you were looking for, or where to find it? This episode is about that feeling, only the room is your life.

You KNOW there must be a reason why you are where you are: the way you react to certain things, how you perceive the world, the things your scared of, the events that keep repeating in different clothes… but for the life of you, you don’t know why. This episode may shed some light on that feeling of confusion, unfinished business, and anxious anticipation.

Lauren helps us understand how to align with our inner soul-self and in doing so become fluent in our own energetic layers: the frequencies we give off, the transference of energy across our many lifetimes, and how to communicate through our vibration. We start to make sense of genetic and family inheritances that result in patterns repeating, clean up our energetic leakages.

This episode is perfect for you if:

• You have always had this feeling that you only know half the story about who you are and want to fill in the gaps;
• Have an interest in humans as energetic-beings;
• Want to know how it looks to align with the “inner voice”, “inner-being”, intuition, or true-self, and what the result of that may look like in your life.

Part 2 of this podcast will be going live next week!

Time-stamped Show Notes

4:33 Lauren is very curious and secretively explored her intuitive nature during her teens and her twenties. Throughout her life, she has always been intuitive and could perceive and sense things that can’t naturally be seen to the naked eye.

Before diving into her intuitive path, Lauren had a background of social work and social services in you work, remote indigenous communities, families where she supported them through life.

6:22 Lauren’s friends would say that she would often “pull a face,” when she was aligning herself with her intuition. In her intuitive state, Lauren can read another’s soul and, in doing so, sense an undercurrent of memory that tells a certain story about that person.

These memories act as threads of information that travel with the person through their lifetimes; they are places and events that their soul has experienced. Lauren connects with this information and interprets the different layers of energies in that person (as each person has a distinct energetic make-up). She acts as a mediator, making sense of where any disconnect lies, which may be informing their behaviours.

When people say, “it runs in the family,” they tend to be referring to genetics or family behaviors. However, Lauren explains that families can experience “energetic inheritance”, that is, particular beliefs - or vibrations - are handed down the family lineage.

Humans have the ability to intuitively read energy, however we are taught to squash down our inherent knowing, and have a bias towards what is logical. Intuition - or inner voice - comes from the human internal guidance system. It’s that part of us that knows exactly who we are, and what is going to help us thrive in life.

It takes incredible bravery, self-confidence, and self-love to live a life that is aligned with that inner voice. That inner voice is our foundation, and is unique to each individual.

14:42 Lauren explains the difference between the “human-self and the “soul-self”. The human self has beliefs, idiosyncrasies, and subscriptions of thought. She likes to dress a particular way to akin herself to a particular identity, and is usually a mirror to express how they are feeling internally.

As Lauren began to connect with her internal soul-self, she became aware that she was hurting, unhappy, and desperate to break away. She began to realise that she had different beliefs to what she was taught, and what was seen by society as “right”, and over time she started to get more curious about her soul-self and what would happen if she were to give over ownership to that part of herself.

Lauren felt a burning purposeful desire to be who she truly was, and knew that was far better than anyone she could try be on the outside. It can be difficult at first to tune into your soul-self, and taking the leap is the hardest part of the process. However, once you do it, everything begins to gets easier.

20:05 Humans are like radio station frequency towers, we emit and receive information all the time. And so, firstly, it doesn’t matter how you look, you can’t hide who you are, ever, and secondly, we can’t not be intuitive – it’s who we are at our very foundation! We must choose to align with that internal part of ourselves, then how everybody in the outside world decides to “size you up” is none of your business.

22:55 Lauren talks about how she was raised in a religious household with a strong connection to the Christian faith, and a very traditional sense of “God”. Intuitively, even though she believed in God, she felt God was so much bigger that what was being taught to her.

Each person that you have a genetic bloodline to have a very long energetic history, this is in additional to the cultural frequencies that we process from multiple places as once.

Some people have strong memories of previous lifetimes. It can cause a physical reaction such as tears, strong emotions, or a revelation as to why they are the way they are. When people have a natural gift or interest, it is not only because of their energetic make up, influences, or because they are vibrationally are that way, it’s because they have had many lifetimes of doing that thing. That is the explanation for the “natural disposition”, it is because they have done it lots of times before.

Humans are a culmination of so many different experiences. We have been so narrowly taught that we are the make-up of just what we have learnt in this life and incarnation and our parents.

28:48 Time is not linear, time is stacked. So the “you” from centuries ago is still vibrationally active, that is why you can feel and sense it now. It could be that there is a part of your soul that has been abandoned: you’ve left it there or you’ve disowned it. For you to retrieve your soul, you have to return to that place, and it’s not always going to be a pleasant experience for you.

If you decided to go back, your logical mind won’t know how to get there. And yet internally, you will know exactly how to go back there. You will know when you’re ready, and you will know when you’re not. If you can feel that, you are opening up to getting back to being you.

Throughout lifetimes, there can be energy leaks. These are the connections to past traumas and unfinished business, which can manifest in this lifetime as serious addictions, or stories and beliefs. The older you get, the more tired you become. This is because you have a long-standing series of unfinished businesses, which can be linked with people, events or time space because you are energetically connected to them. Or it could be that you are withholding power from someone else, or yourself.

Cleaning up that stuff, or calling back your energy, is the only way to make empowered decisions to move forward. Start to unplug, block, and clean up places where your energy is leaking out.

35:45 Your internal voice, self, or feelings is usually subtle. However, it’s not subtle when you start to slowly turn your attention to it. As a comparison, if you were to ask a blind person what they were hearing was subtle, or a deaf person what they were seeing was subtle, to them it may not be.

They have learned to train their attention in a way that is different to how others with both sight and hearing have become accustomed, and so we focus our attention in a way that makes sense to our logical mind, rather than the subtleties of our intuition.

What it comes back to is that we have been taught to look at the world and ourselves through a single window, and not all of the different windows that are available.

39:45 In the very beginning it can be difficult to align with our internal selves. We have been taught to pay attention to what we see, know, and what logically makes sense. When there is an issue that we can feel, sometimes we trick ourselves into not going with our gut instinct.

For example, when there is a person that is someone hiding something from us, logically, what they are saying to you makes sense, but there still is a feeling of uneasiness. The more than you develop your skill to understand that frequency, rewire and remodel yourself to be more internally aligned first, and marry with your external, you will be increasing perceptive around what is occurring in different layers of you. You will feel the discord and inner friction from what you’ve known and believed, however, the clearer you get, the more intuitively perceptive you become. It’s important to empty your mind so that there is space for new things to come in.

44:26 Emotions are different to feelings. Feelings are sensations and the way that your soul-self speaks to your human-self. Feelings are in the moment, it’s making sense of a present sensation. 

Welcome to Episode 32 of Curiously You podcast with flow alchemist and spiritual success mentor Joanna Turner. In today’s episode we discuss allowing flow alchemy into our lives so we can lessen our resistance, and heighten our productivity and abundance.

Joanna shares her story of experiencing an accident and caused her to change the direction of her life, and led her on an entrepreneurial nomadic journey in which she experienced flow in its most concentrated state. What she is learning on this path allows her to teach others about the power of flow.

We discuss some of the “levels” that get you into the flow state, in which your consciousness is heightened, you experience true alignment, and it becomes possible to instantly manifest your desires.

How is it possible to get into the flow state when you are so used to being in resistance? The flow state has faith in divine influence and love, how can we state to feel faith in this power we we always feel fully responsibly and controlling of all outcomes?

You’ll love this episode if you:

- tend to be a Planny McPlannerson and want to learn how to surrender and about get into flow in your life;

- feel stuck in day-to-day tasks, create goals, but never feel like you get any closer to achieving them;

- want to learn more about manifestation, flow, and abundance.

Time Stamped Notes

6:54 Joanna used to be an accountant, but it wasn’t something that fulfilled her. She has been running her own business for 3 years now. She is a very curious character, always looking ways to feel more alive and find meaning in life. This has taken her on amazing adventures around the world.

She became a volunteer for Life Safer, which involved taking people from fear to a qualified life safer at the end of six weeks. The transformations she witnessed made this experience one of the most fulfilling things she’s ever done.

One day she crashed over a really big wave and took the brunt of it on her lower back. The next day she couldn’t get out of bed and it seemed like the worst thing in the world. That was the turning point in her life – she realized she wasn’t listening to the signs that were trying to give her a huge wake-up call. This incident gave her the space to study, ask more questions, and think about doing something different. She started health coaching which was her first inlet to realizing there was another world. She quit her job after six months, dived in head-first, became a business coach and life coach. This transformation has shifted her life ever since.

Joanna lives as a digital nomad with a PO Box and a couple of suitcases. She realised quite recently that this nomadic lifestyle is necessary right now so she could learn to live in flow. When you’re travelling, you’re almost forced into flow as when you try and fight it and control it, you notice very quickly that it just doesn’t work. She has learned to trust and surrender on a very deep level.

Flow state on a micro level is being in the zone where you feel that intense focus where you are able to get tons of work done in one day. It’s a place where judgment stops, and creativity is heightened. You are at one with yourself and spirit, which allows you to create

beautiful things. The problem with this state is that it’s addictive: 5 specific neuro-chemicals are produced; people get high in this state!
Joanna didn’t want to chase this fleeting high, she wanted to live in flow – on the bigger scale this is about instant manifesting, and expanding consciousness.

You’re flowing with such purpose, abundance and money that there is limitless opportunity. Things happen instantly. She has to be so conscious of her thoughts to ensure they remain positive otherwise she will literally have something show up.

17:51 There are 17 different levers to get to the state of flow, Joanna discusses one of these called “risk-induced flow”. A lot of people get addicted to procrastination, the problem is there is too much we sacrifice to fuel the high received when the task is finally completed. This is not productive to creating flow-state.

Joanna realised her purpose to elevate and activate people into the frequency of flow. This triggered her to write an e-book, and also wrote 18 emails, which took her half an hour each. Usually she couldn’t get that done in a day.

23:18 Another one of the 17 levers in flow is to release your fear. This is usually the first step when you’re in fear and in the over-thinking planning stage. Getting out of your head and into your body is the fastest way to get into flow. This could mean going for a run, yoga, playing with your kids, stepping away for your desk. It is crucial, and probably one of the best things you can do so the best ideas come to you. If the idea comes as a flash of inspiration, on a walk, meditation, this is usually a divinely charged idea. It’s hard to be inspired when you are watching a Game Of Thrones marathon – consuming yourself in someone else’s creation probably won’t inspire your own.

25:41 The more fear you can release; the more flow you can experience. The more skilled you are at something, the easier it is to be in flow. So, for example, as a new entrepreneur it’s much harder to experience flow because you are not yet skilled in this area.

When you’re in that phase of practice and learning as new entrepreneurs, it will be awkward before it is elegant. You just need to be compassionate with yourself, and see the progress you are making rather than looking at where you have not reached yet.

Fall in love with the struggle as this is the point where people tend get off track. It all comes down to mindset; a difference between a fixed and a growth mindset, with the latter being where you enjoy learning and enjoy taking the risks.

29:43 The sweet spot to move out of your comfort zone is to push your comfort zone by 4%. Most entrepreneurs get stuck in their comfort zone and they don’t push it at all. Other people push them too far and get paralysed by fear that way. So small little pushes are best at the beginning rather than giant leaps, which you should only do if you are ready and can manage.

Start to gain some trust and faith in yourself by winning in some small challenges first, then surrender and to let go of the outcome and control. Allow yourself to drop into the more “feminine space” – for example, start to create rituals around the flow process like lighting a candle, playing meditation music or it could be as simple as closing down all the tabs on your computer, turn off the Wi-Fi and bring a variety in location which helps get into the flow state. Go to local café and ensure that you have a really clear goal in mind: the more specific you can get, the more likely you are to get in flow. It’s about fully surrendering your life with trust and faith to the universe, higher purpose, creator or whatever you want to call it knowing that you can’t do this on your own. To get fully into flow you must set strong intentions for what you desire, and lean into the belief that you are fully taken care of and that everything will always work out.

44:23 The universe works through many things. A friend, in traffic, on Facebook, you can sit next to the right person on the bus – it doesn’t have to be something crazy. Synchronicities happen all the time. You can experience flow by noticing the small things, asking for signs and by being super specific – enough for you to take notice. Ask for them, notice them, get in touch with what you really want.

47:41 To explore the concept of asking the universe, you first need to get into a state of being present in yourself to be able to become skilled at asking outwardly. Asking is essentially intention setting – so write out a list of things you want to do or experience.

Instant Manifesting comes more when you are living in flow as an entire life journey. Joanna talks about how she wanted to manifest a legitimate reason to go to Melbourne. She then received a Facebook message from someone about hosting a workshop and speaking in Melbourne. She also asked for a specific sign about creating a home-base, where she came across a beautiful butterfly metaphor. She asked for a bigger sign, and a little girl came up with a caterpillar and told her not to be afraid of it because in a few days, this caterpillar will become a butterfly.

It’s important to let go of the outcome and the attachment. You may ready for it, but if it doesn’t happen, you have to make peace with the outcome either way.

51:13 Goal-setting can be very limiting and can make you feel awful. Joanna gives an example of a client who set a goal of making $10k for that month in revenue. The client ended up making $8,800, which was her highest month in sales ever, however she did not want to celebrate this milestone because it fell short of her desired $10k mark.
This is when goals become dangerous because you feel disappointed and begin to judge yourself, which is the worst energy ever to bring into your space.

54:33 There is a fine line between “allowing” and “doing” in terms of action. Thoughts need to be made into action. There needs to be a balance between the masculine and feminine because you can’t manifest with one, and without the other. We must remember that feminine embodiment is not at the disregard of masculine action-taking.

Creating balance is very important – in business too. You want the ideas to come through a feminine, divine place and then take these ideas and apply masculine systems and structures to the feminine ideas that were sparked. To allow this kind of flow and inspiration to come in, you must stop controlling the situation. Send love and gratitude, and set new intentions.

62:04 At the beginning of the flow process, the best thing to do is to take a risk: Just something. There are at least three things you’ve been putting off for a reason. Take action with one thing that would move your business forward. Take some form of action towards a goal that you’ve been putting off, and it will start to flow.

Unless you have been off-grid lately you will be aware of the viral #metoo campaign in which women have spoken up about the magnitude of the problem of sexual abuse and harassment.

In today’s Curiously You Podcast, we are having a conversation with guest Annabelle Dura, who speaks candidly about her own unseen scars. We discuss how we can use our most painful experiences to leverage ourselves powerfully into a life of deep meaning and purpose, whilst approaching it all from a place of love, and finding the space and courage within ourselves to be vulnerable.

Annabelle is a freelancer writer living in Los Angeles who works on the ambassador program at “Live A Great Story.” She is the author of “Into The Darkness”, and an energetic advocate for issues that impact women and girls. We dive with an inquisitive nature into the healing process beyond trauma, learning to trust and be vulnerable once again, but still maintaining a level of discernment, and finding strength in a divine support, which is larger than you alone.

You’ll love this episode if:
- you would like to learn how to be empowered and lead from your vulnerability;
- you have experienced sexual abuse, harassment, or a violation of some kind and want to find a way to heal, and turn this pain into your power.

Time Stamped Notes

05:05 From a young age, Annabelle has always asked questions: feeling and thinking far deeper than those around her. She was hired at “Live a Great Story,” when a mutual friend introduced her to the founder, Zac. From there, Annabelle was assigned to build the ambassador program at Live a Great Story.

The intention was to build structure for people to be in community with each other and encourage vulnerability in a safe space. This has been something Annabelle has always wanted to do but never had the platform or direction to do so.

09:08 One of the things Annabelle learned on her vulnerability journey is to lead by example and follow Gandhi’s quote: “be the change you want to see in the world.”

In her freshman year of college, Annabelle experienced a traumatic event where she was raped by her boyfriend at the time. This triggered a soul-searching journey as Annabelle began to lose sense of who she was, and entered a deep depression. Whilst navigating through this darkness and feeling vulnerable, she surrounded herself with friends who stood by her to remind her that she was loved.

As a person who naturally depends on self-awareness and moral code, she found that after the rape, she was forced to reevaluate and make sense of her values. She had to learn and understand what it meant to be vulnerable whilst also simultaneously guarding your heart. There is a balance and a time and a place for things and through the whole journey, she has realized how much one’s own vulnerability will affect others, depending where they are on their journey.

13:47 Annabelle learned to be comfortable with the exploration of vulnerability. She realised that mistakes aren’t awful because of what these experiences teach you. When you are going through such pain you learn the importance of shifting your behavioural patterns, and becoming your own best friend.

She was in therapy until she finished college because she loved it, however it came to a point when her therapist said that it might be helpful to be on medication, which Annabelle wanted as a last resort. Terrified by that reality, she saw a beam of light in her imagined visual space which triggered her wanting to try church before turning to medicine.

23:12 Understanding how to be vulnerable has led her to success. There was a realisation that she needed to accept love in her life and that something bigger was there for her. Annabelle learned how to be kind to people, and that humanity is all born with the desire to be loved to love. Society makes it really hard to surrender to that idea of just being worthy of that love.

26:32 A key to being empowered in vulnerability is to have a pretty solid ground to combat what society is going to tell you. You need a foundation on what your truth is. For Annabelle, it would be the same truths that are found in the bible. You need to start with what are your non-negotiable truths.

29:14 After feeling so lost and not knowing what to do, she trusted that if she worked to pursue her purpose with her passion, the energy that was created within her will be there to support her. It’s a matter of working with where you are, and believing that your will be called to your purpose.

31:37 When it comes to deciding what projects or passions to pursue, Annabelle has a habit of saying yes to things. She has a desire to learn new things, in different situations, to see how it goes. She also gives tasks a time-frame, which allows her to narrow down her focus.

She has accepted her trauma and how it has shaped her, and influenced her work and the creative efforts that she is putting out into the world.

Creating her book was a surprise, as it is now proof to Annabelle that something powerful and beautiful can be born from something so horrific. She created this space in her mind to be willing to accept the idea that came to her, and it was encouraged and supported by the universe.

After just being in a therapist’s room for quite some time, you learn how to speak and to enquire about things with others. She’s learned how to cope with different behaviors by being able to mentor people on a deep level, allowing her to pin point patterns of behavior.

38:48 It’s very damaging to go through a dark experience and not allow it to shape you; you’ll hear the phrase “owning your story,” and not letting it define you. Who she is now outshines that very dark moment in her life. She has also learnt that healing is definitely not a linear thing and that sometimes you have to go backwards to go forward. There are 7 stages of grieving, and you go to where you need to. No matter what you label it, being in the process, you are still moving forward.

Welcome to episode 30 of the Curiously You podcast! Today we are speaking with women’s menstrual cycle specialist Sammie Flemming all about creating feminine alignment through working with our menstrual cycle.

Sammie guides people who are feeling stuck, stressed and overwhelmed into a life of calm, ease, connection and clarity. The unique part of Sammie’s work is that she weaves feminine cycles into her coaching, allowing her clients to understand their own rhythms.

Think about it: how often do you speak in any depth about your menstrual cycle? How deeply connected do you feel with your body throughout the month? Implicitly you know that sometimes in the month you are on top of your game, and other times you just want to retreat into your cave and indulge in self-care. Do you fight it, or do you work with it?

Those desires are not in your imagination. Sammie helps us understand, connect with and love our menstrual cycle, working in flow with it by adapting our diary and behaviours to best enhance our experiences at different points throughout the month.

You’ll love this episode if:

-        You want to find ways to understand how to manage your emotions and body around your menstrual cycle;

-        You’ve noticed at certain points in the month you are more energised and at other points more insular, and want to know what this means and how you can create ease and flow during these moments.

Time Stamped Notes

5:13  Sammie started to pay attention to her cycle 8 years in to taking the pill as it began to feel like it wasn’t working for her body any more. She noticed PMS, imbalances in her skin, tiredness and energy at different points in the month.

She would check in day-to-day, and noticed movement in her energy and body. This sparked her to see a naturopath. This was where she became connected to her cycle through being connected to her hormones. It eventually all became an emotional, spiritual and energetic exploration. It has been 6 years since she started working with her own cycle.

12:07 It can be hard to ascertain how your body responds and behaves due to your cycles as external influences such as seasons, sleep, sugar intake, diet and hydration affects mood. Once you start to know what your body feels like naturally at a certain point of the cycle, you can check in. If you’re not feeling a certain way, it’s an opportunity to check in and assess why you’re not feeling that way.

15:27 Broadly speaking, we experience our cycle within four phases based on a standard 28 day cycle. The easiest way that Sammie has learnt how to remember what these phases are is to give each a season that can be compared to climatic seasons.

Day 1, and essentially Week 1, is Winter. And, on the first day of winter which is the first day of your period.

You will most likely want to be insular, and feel a desire to rest, sleep more and to eat warming foods. We are at our most intuitive and psychic at this time. History shows that different cultures honoured women during this time as keepers of wisdom. If at all possible, it is best to slow down (within limitations) to allow body to rest and restore, this will allow your energy levels for the rest of the month to be higher. The more you explore how your body reacts, you can start leaning into certain things.

23:58 Week 2 is Spring. The days are getting longer and so you energy is higher; oestrogen is rising and women are starting to look more and more beautiful, which biologically makes sense as the body anticipating ovulation.

The body actually changes the skin to make it more radiant and the features become more symmetrical during the end of Spring. Women will feel more extroverted than they did the week before and this time reminds us just how connected we are to the planet. The archetype associated with this phase is the maiden and the virgin.

28:00 Summer, or week 3, is the time of our highest empathy. We are really connected to other people. Summer is similar to Spring, but we are even more extroverted; we find being out in the world such a joy.

The mother archetype is the association of super high empathy and a real nurturing vibe. Women can become too available and over giving during this time, so it is a great time to be aware of tendencies.

31:11 We experience Autumn the week before the menstrual cycle. The Archetype is the wild woman, and it is the part of us that is suppressed as a society. We feel energetically whole, and often ruthless, which can be channeled in a healthy or unhealthy way.

This time is best used to get things done quickly and efficiently. We may want to do a spring clean of the house, for example as we are generally less emotionally attached to objects and material possessions.

However, on the other side, this is a time where women are sensitive, and highly emotional which is where rest and gentleness is required. This is the time to articulate why you feel the way you feel.

36:26 The best way to start tailoring life for your cycle is in two ways: Download the free app called “Clue” – it allows women to track every single day what their mood, energy, sleep and how their skin feels. You will be able to notice your patterns, and have a clear snapshot of what is going on for you during your monthly cycles.

Another way is through journaling: make a note of what day of the cycle it is, and the feelings experienced in that day – physically, energetically, emotionally and spiritually.

44:02 Sammie has found that there is a lot of guilt and shame associated with Autumn and Winter – especially because as humans, we are resistant to slowing down, and showing rage and anger.

She advises to start to see magic in the menstrual cycle; how incredible the body is to shift and change. We must learn to work through the spectrum of emotions we experience, and match our actions in a way that aligns with them.

56:45 Discussions and empowered expressions on the cycle can lack true acknowledgment on the essence of the cycle. Sammie discusses how advertisements and portrayals of products to aid women during the cycle are completely misconstrued. Therefore it’s important to honour this change within the body first.

This week’s guest is Danielle Dillard, an intuitive empowerment coach and yogi, and we are discussing how to let go of unhelpful attachments, rely on your own internal guidance system, and (my favourite) get into alignment!

Danielle shares her story of going from one relationship to the next, always relying on hand-holding. She realised she did not knowing how to dream for herself, and speaks about how she broke free of this cycle and learned to listen, and trust, the voice from within.

In doing so she released lots of unhealthy attachments, and discovered an array of tools that help her to get into alignment with herself, and her purpose, many of which she shares in this episode for you to try.

You’ll love this episode if:

• You find yourself caught in repeating patterns and cycles in your relationships that don’t serve you;
• You want to develop your intuition and gain greater self-awareness;
• You want to know learn how Danielle gets into alignment.

Time Stamped Notes

3:57 Danielle has just turned 29 years old, she discusses how for the last decade she was always holding a someone’s hand, be it family, college and thereafter a cycle of boyfriends. She realised she had not been alone for more than 6 months.

When she was in these relationship cycles, she found that she wasn’t relying on own guidance system; she was always dreaming with – and thinking about – the other person.

6:25 In her life, romantic relationships have always flowed. She has found that she connects with people and moves easily from one relationship to the next. As her awareness developed, she came to the realization that being with people has hurt her and after all of these cycles of relationships, her friends were advising her to be alone.

8:06 Danielle dives into how her journey unfolded to a spiritual path.

It began form a relationship she had where she lived with her boyfriend of 4 years. They had dogs, he owned a house, and the relationship ended. She realized that she was out of alignment with who she really was.

She kept going with the motions and flow so it felt natural to her to be with someone. In the moments where she was single, she caught glimpses where she connected back to herself, however being in alignment wasn’t her foundation, and it didn’t have any consistency.

Now, she’s found herself, she’s truly deep and grounded within herself when for so long she was searching.

11:57 One of the relationships she was in created an environment where the cycle of hand-holding began to shift, it created a contrast and brought up great resistance in Danielle. She found herself having 60-70 hours a week to herself, and for the first time felt a sense of freedom with herself.

She got really quiet with herself, and limited distraction and noise. She started listening to a lot of podcasts on how people are living her life and came across the book “Untethered Soul,” by Michael Singer. It was reading this book that helped her anxiety, and launched her on a spiritual journey that reconnected her with herself.

15:07 Through “The Untethered Soul” she began to realize that who she was searching for was to find personal meaning in other people and things outside herself. Now she has developed a level of consciousness that allows her to witness her life, and realise who is her true self, and who is her ego self.

When she wakes up in the morning, she focuses on stepping into her true self and sets an intention to walk through life as her true self.

20:18 The attachments were to other humans and to her phone, meat, coffee, alcohol and even Netflix. She remembers avoiding conversations and watched Netflix in her last relationship. She was looking for things outside herself, buffering with attachments to fill the void.

Because she was so wrapped up in doing, she didn’t know how to be alone with herself. Now she has learnt to sit with her emotions and just be, and has learnt not to seek refuge outside of herself.

24:25 Danielle’s foundation is one of alignment in peace, love and flow. There are moments, or glimpses, of her “dark side,” where she is aware of her anxiety and ego, but she doesn’t resist the darkness, and easily floats back to the light. By allowing this side of herself, it leaves her more quickly and easily than ever has.

Meditation and journaling are the number one mindfulness tools that helped her in the beginning, and continue to do so. They bring her back into her heart, and back into herself. She believes that anything that connects her to herself is the path she needs to take.

33:26 Danielle learnt some lessons around love and how she loved people. She became aware that she was really good letting go and accept them other as they are, but only from afar. She is now practicing unconditional love, and being present in her love.

A healer told her that until she cleared her energy field, she would continue attracting the same cycles. She was receiving a lot of lessons and now it was time for her to just be alone and clear her energy fields, solely focusing on herself an her own dreams.

42:40 Our thoughts create our feelings, which drive our actions and create our results. It all starts with our thoughts. First step is always awareness – curiosity and not judgment. It takes strength to change your thoughts. Awareness develops to choose new thoughts.

Start to be aware of what you want to change, and accept where you are. Sit in the space of truth first and realize you had such a hand in creating your reality. Then allow yourself to move forward with that new-found awareness and acceptance.

46:47 A way to understand your thoughts is through the “Thought Download Activity.” This is derived from that Darlene Manini “Emotional Tool Kit,”- all emotions fall under four main emotions, anxiety, sadness, anger and happiness.

The steps are:

1. Do a thought download (notice without judgment and just curiosity);
2. Pick one thought to work through;
3. Grab that thought and ask yourself how do I feel when I think this through and then name that feeling in your journal.
4. Identify the message of your emotion.
5. Take action to solve or cope in a healthy way.

In today’s Curiously You podcast episode we are speaking with Catarina Andrade, a coach who supports women who are feeling overwhelmed in the transition into motherhood.

What’s great about this episode is that it address questions at every stage. Before you’ve even decided you want to become a mother, how can you know where it’s right for you? Then, do you want to go into motherhood the traditional way by giving birth, or are other options open to me? Having a child traditionally requires a partner, how do you go about finding a partner to join me in this journey once you’ve decided motherhood is for you?

Then there’s motherhood itself and the desire to always be doing things ‘right’ and getting things done. Catarina provides us a more easeful way that is, contrary to how it might feel, more calming for the family unit and provides a greater sense of confidence as a mother, and connection with your child.

You’ll love this episode if:

• Your career or otherwise focused and you’re not sure having a baby is part of your path;
• You’re a mother and are constantly going through spurts of guilt when it comes to balancing parenting and finding time for yourself;
• Know you need to surrender to the process, but you’re having a hard time doing it.

Time Stamped Notes

05:38 Catarina found that advice and resources about motherhood were mainstream, viewing mothers as purely physical beings, rather than also considering the spiritual and energetic component of being.

Before coaching and teaching yoga, Catarina spent her time working for a maternal and child health in the non-profit world across ten countries in Africa. She believes that motherhood is a continuum and different needs that come up in journey, and women need support in order to deepen and widen their perspective.

11:52 There is “mothering” work in the world that requires supporting, loving and care-giving traits, and so we are creators and we are all birthing something, whether it be a dream or a business. There is a regimented fixed view of motherhood, which should be shifted to more of an inherent quality rather than birthing an actual human child.

That being said, a woman needs to decide whether or not she wants to physically birth a child and take on the responsibilities of parenting. Catarina entry into motherhood started when she realized she wanted to be a mother, which for all women, is usually the first point of the continuum. She believes that motherhood can look very different if we drop the guilt and expectations.

16:27 Some tips to connect with your internal wisdom are:

• Anything you can do to get really present; including meditation, dancing or whatever way you can get out of your head and into your heart;
• Create a visualization of having a child and notice how your body reacts;
• Create a visualization of not having a child and be aware of how your body reacts.

The body has all the answers, however the mind and the heart need to lead consciousness and awareness to the answer.

Catarina discusses her personal journey on how she manifested her husband and ultimately a family by setting her intention when she became aware of the fact that she wanted to be a mother.

26:26 Catarina discusses on how she found spirituality through accepting parts of herself and surrendering other parts to allow more flow into her life. After the birth of her son she became aware of her love to control things, and do things perfectly. Thoughts of failure went through her mind, and she realized something had to change. Catarina believes that she gave birth to her spirituality on the same day she gave birth to her son.

32:24 One of the key ways Catarina remains productive (and encourages her clients to do the same) is by creating what she calls a “white space,” in her calendar. It’s a time scheduled every week that has to be honoured and utilised for self.

Some of her clients found that this time would generate stress and anxiety so Catarina suggested creating a list of 10 enjoyable things, and making sure to indulge in them when the white space comes up.

Society is overly focused on productivity in this world and how to fit it all in. The white space allows presence and awareness, and also declutters the brain therefore creating a white space in our minds as well.

43:53 There are paradigms of motherhood that exist out there which usually entail suffering, sacrifice, and complaining or on the other end of the spectrum, that motherhood is natural and so easy.

When Catarina saw motherhood as a spiritual journey instead of trying to fit into what was expected societally– she understood that she could co-create her own experience of motherhood. Self-care, and how she looked after herself, were ultimately a way to look after the whole family unit, her son, her husband and her household.

01:04:00 Advice for burnt out mothers and women; trust that it’s going to be ok and that it’s normal. We all have those experiences, but it’s very rare that people talk about it. Sometimes it doesn’t feel nice, but Catarina promises 250% that when you look back on it, something amazing is going to shift for you in that very moment. The burnouts are such powerful break-through moments.

Resources:

The Gifts of Imperfection – Brene Brown

The Desire Map – Danielle LaPorte

Get in Contact with Catarina Andrade

Website: www.catarinaandrade.com

Business Coaching for Mothers

Free training : October 8th, The Fire Within – how do we access love inside ourselves

Welcome to episode 27 of the Curiously You podcast with Recovery Coach Sasha Tozzi. In today’s episode we’ll be looking at the belief systems and thought patterns that lead to a path of addictions and self-sabotaging behaviours.

Sasha, now sober, talks about her holistic coaching journey. As we quickly realise, addictive behavior includes alcohol and drugs, but it can also include “socially acceptable” forms of addiction such as work and exercise.

We learn how to develop self-awareness and use it to get to the root cause of our addictive behaviours: the underlying thought patterns and belief systems, which are anchored in perfectionism, poor self-esteem, and a lack of inner peace.

Sasha walks us through her road to recovery, what she has learned, and provides us with tools to help us overcome addictive and self-sabotaging behaviours.

You’ll love this episode if:

• You continually find yourself in patterns of self-destructive behavior that undermine your health and well-being;
• Obsess over things, and have perfectionist tendencies that smother your creativity;

4:14        Sasha is a holistic coach helping others recover from addiction and different self-sabotaging behaviors, including alcoholism, food addiction, and narcotics.

She works through the underlying patterns and beliefs including negative thought patterns and perfectionism which are similar through all addictions. Sasha has a background in psychology, is a certified yoga teacher, and has been in recovery and sober for almost six years.

She fell in love with the process of transformation and found a program in holistic coaching in her area.

11:50     Sasha worked as a health coach who focused on addiction and self-sabotage patterns, like emotional eating habits. Having been in recovery herself from alcohol and drugs, she broadcast her story on Facebook and started her second website and blog addressing addiction and recovery in 2015. It was a natural progression from this step into recovery coach.

15:15     Sasha talks about the emotional and psychological patterns and mechanisms that are the main drivers of self-sabotaging behavior and addictions. Generally, it evolves from being sick of the way life is going, hitting rock bottom, and facing a crossroad: something must change.

17:00     Sasha talks about the steps taken to initiate the process of change from hitting rock bottom.

She partied hard during her break, then she went back to school and saw a therapist. After feeling very down and depressed, her therapist gave her a pamphlet for a 12 step process for Alcoholics Anonymous. She was willing to see what this process would be like this time, even though she had attempted AA before.

This started the process of her looking at the problems in her life head on, the addiction she had formed, and her self-sabotaging behaviours.

23:26     The 12 step meetings for AA was a tool to help build connection and community.

When you break down and take a closer look at addiction and self sabotaging behavior, it is a product of disconnection, within oneself and from others. The 12 step program addresses this with communal meetings, creating a space of support and connection. There are other types of recovery-based programs, including exercise or movement based recovery, which blend some of the concepts and principles of the 12 step programme.

Sasha believes that programs should be customized to individual circumstances. A huge part of these recovery plans and general health is taking care of your body through nutrition. She also believes that some form of meditative practice, for example breathing exercises or stillness practices catered to the individual needs was a huge aid in the recovery process.

29:28     A common pattern of self sabotaging behavior is to substitute one addiction for the other, whether healthy and unhealthy. Excessive busyness and workaholic attitudes are examples of those substitute addictions. When things are done to excess, we do this to avoid ourselves, reality and our feelings; stillness is a great antidote.

32:07     How does a pattern of self sabotaging behavior get addressed? What is the root cause? All the things we see happening on the outside are symptoms of the deeper problem that varies from person to person but has to do with the beliefs systems and internal world. The addiction is the physical manifestation of these beliefs.

Sasha explains that in her personal situation, her addiction stemmed from a lack of self-esteem. She believes it is impossible to be self-destructive if you are at peace with yourself.

41:38     Taking a closer look at addiction, there are strong perfectionist tendencies and a need to feel like you’re achieving and doing. Sasha has learnt that’s it ok to be yourself and has come to belief that perfectionism can be a constricted experience.

Creativity draws the opposite of perfectionism: there is freedom – to create and to be free. The more that Sasha can be creative steering toward herself, the less she is in her perfectionist mode entertaining self-sabotaging behavior, and unhealthy addiction.

Resources

Melody Beattie – “Language of Letting Go”

Heather Ash Amara – “Warrior/Goddess Training”

Don Miguel Ruiz– “The Four Agreements”

Tara Brach – “Radical Acceptance”

SARK – “Succulent Wild Woman.”

Get in Contact with Sasha:

Website: www.sashaptozzi.com

Work with Sasha: http://www.sashaptozzi.com/one-on-one/

Instagram: @sashatozzi

Facebook: www.facebook.com/sashatozzi