This week, Hank Shaw comes to New Jersey for a taste of snake venom and leaves with a subpar turkey hoagie, we travel to Mexico for the freshest nematode ceviche, throw frogs at bluefish and leave our sacks in the El Camino, and lose focus on ducks because someone passed us some ass cheese.

This week, tattoo artist Drew Wilson drops marabou jigs for Arkansas gators and fights a man in the bagel shop, we help a kid catch snakeheads by telling him to get a job, get dehydrated from the pain of a Philadelphia Eagles back piece, and invoke Aristotle to sell you a Zebco push-button combo.

This week, Miles Nolte has a cow at the video store and nearly drowns in front of Montana’s finest, we play Whiffle cricket with two kids who got stood up by their charter captain, lawyer up for the “Summer of the Snake,” and give a guide a terrible review because we couldn’t find the toilet.

This week, party boat captain Payton Gepp and C&R regular captain Eric Kerber do some flounder pounding with your favorite smallmouth lure, we meet a real life striper fishing Jesus, stiff the girls at the trampoline park on anchoring tips, and invest our life savings in the wrong color Gulp.

This week, native fish champion Tyler Winter plays Call of Duty at the Pig’s Eye sucker rodeo, we teach kids to shut up when they’re fighting a fish, offer a free frog to a largemouthed 15-year-old, blow our hand off right before mud minnow season, and take a stealth bomber jet ski out for fluke on the Fourth of July.

This week, “Gotham Fish Tales” director, Rob Maass, teaches us how to find “floaters” and urban false albies, we hack a bass apart after marinating it in mom’s bathtub, explain why toxic crabbing provides a bad workout, and use dangly earrings to score illegal tautog.

This week, Eddie Weber, Vinny Conwell, and Steve Cahn of High Octane Custom Baits blend human trafficking with snakehead pursuits, we give a first-cast bass the old bada-bing, remove articles of clothings while stalking a creek python, and sleep in a hospital recliner while being attacked by flies.

This week, C&R fan Mark Humphreys explains why you never wear embarrassing underwear on a sinking ship, we curl up in a bean bag and wait for our tuna nightmare to end, jump on a party boat full of Canadian soldiers, and cook out in the cigarette break area behind the Motel Super 8.

This week, Captain Frank Campbell wins the salmon derby and seizes the engine of his Kia, we catch a Quiet Riot show on our way to the jerking grounds, get drunk and buy the whole bar, and snap our belt after side swiping a trophy brown trout.

This week, “Bassmaster” editor James Hall marries your daughter while live-scoping muskies for the grill, we feed the dogs garlic worms and invest in lucky key chains, flyfish to smallmouths 50 feet down in 5-foot seas, and ask if we can expense the services of shady ladies in boat ramp parking lots.