Dad to Dads Podcast

In this episode of the Dad Dads podcast, Robert interviews former NBA player Cuttino Mobley, who shares insights from his basketball career and his experiences as a father. Cuttino discusses his early life, the influences that shaped him, and the lessons he learned from playing alongside basketball legends. He emphasizes the importance of mentorship, the challenges of parenting, and the values he instills in his children. Cuttino also addresses the societal perceptions of fatherhood and the need for fathers to be present and engaged in their children's lives. The conversation is filled with wisdom, humor, and heartfelt reflections on the joys and responsibilities of being a dad.

Takeaways

• Cuttino reflects on his journey from a late start in basketball to the NBA.
• Playing with legends like Pippen, Barkley and Hakeem taught him valuable lessons.
• Mentorship is crucial in both basketball and fatherhood.
• Cuttino emphasizes the importance of defense in basketball.
• He discusses the impact of coaching on his understanding of the game.
• Cuttino enjoys watching current players like Anthony Edwards.
• He believes in raising children with strong work ethics regardless of gender.
• Cuttino shares the differences in parenting a son versus a daughter.
• He expresses the joy and fulfillment he finds in being a father.

In this interview, Robert welcomes back Dr. Peter Salerno, author of 'The Nature and Nurture of Narcissism.' Dr. Salerno discusses his alternative perspective on narcissistic personality disorder and the misconceptions surrounding it. He challenges the traditional theories that attribute narcissism solely to abuse or neglect in childhood, emphasizing the role of genetics and innate temperament. Dr. Salerno also addresses the concept of codependency, arguing that it is not a valid diagnosis and that narcissists can manipulate and hijack the emotions of others. He highlights the importance of understanding the genetic and biological factors that contribute to narcissism. Narcissists thrive on chaos and drama in relationships because of deficiencies in their brain structure and functioning. They have a complete lack of empathy and lower arousal in certain areas of the brain, making stability and normalcy boring to them. They have a distorted perception of reality and believe that drama is the baseline of normal functioning. Narcissists have personal motives in relationships that have nothing to do with the well-being of the other person. When confronted or exposed, they can become vindictive and play the victim.

Takeaways

• Narcissistic personality disorder should be understood from the perspective of gene-environment interaction, rather than solely attributing it to abuse or neglect in childhood.
• The traditional theories of narcissism overlook the role of genetics and innate temperament in the development of the disorder.
• Codependency is not a valid diagnosis and should not be used to explain why individuals attract narcissists.
• Narcissists have the ability to manipulate and hijack the emotions of others, leading them to behave in ways that are uncharacteristic.
• It is important to consider the genetic and biological factors that contribute to narcissism in order to better understand and address the disorder. Narcissists thrive on chaos and drama in relationships because stability and normalcy are boring to them.
• They have a distorted perception of reality and believe that drama is the baseline of normal functioning.
• Narcissists have personal motives in relationships that have nothing to do with the well-being of the other person.
• When confronted or exposed, narcissists can become vindictive and play the victim.

Robert welcomes back Erin Schaden, Divorce Coach & Family Law Attorney. In this episode, Robert and Erin discuss divorcing a narcissist. They talk about the prevalence of narcissism in divorce cases and the importance of working with an attorney and divorce coach who have experience dealing with high-conflict divorces. Erin emphasizes the need for strategic planning and preparation when divorcing a narcissist, including understanding the different personality disorders involved and how to approach them. They also discuss the challenges of custody battles with a narcissist and the importance of documentation and having a strong support system. When dealing with a narcissistic ex-spouse in a custody battle, it's important to understand projection and alienation. The narcissist often accuses the other parent of what they are guilty of themselves, and they may manipulate the child to align with them through psychological abuse. It can be difficult to prove alienation because the child may align with the alienating parent out of fear and a lack of alternatives. Children tend to align with the parent they feel safest with, so judges should consider who the child feels safest with when making custody decisions. It's crucial to document everything, even seemingly minor incidents, as they may be useful in court. Communication apps like Our Family Wizard can be helpful in managing communication and reducing conflict. It's important to trust your instincts, be intentional with your words and actions, and avoid badmouthing the other parent to your children. Addressing your own childhood wounds and seeking help from professionals can also be beneficial.

Takeaways

• Divorcing a narcissist can be extremely challenging and requires strategic planning and preparation.
• Working with an attorney and divorce coach who have experience dealing with high-conflict divorces is crucial.
• Understanding the different personality disorders involved and how to approach them is important.
• Documentation is key in custody battles with a narcissist.
• Having a strong support system and expanding your frustration tolerance are essential for navigating the divorce process with a narcissist. The narcissist often accuses the other parent of what they are guilty of themselves.
• Children may align with the alienating parent out of fear and a lack of alternatives.
• Judges should consider who the child feels safest with when making custody decisions.
• Document everything, even seemingly minor incidents, as they may be useful in court.
• Communication apps like Our Family Wizard can help manage communication and reduce conflict.
• Avoid badmouthing the other parent to your children.
• Address your own childhood wounds and seek help from professionals.

Robert brings back parent alienation expert Charlie McCready to further discuss parent alienation as well as address the questions and comments from listeners. Charlie discusses the emotional roller coaster that targeted parents go through, including grief, guilt, injustice, isolation, anger, and anxiety. He emphasizes the importance of self-healing and addressing insecurities and vulnerabilities from one's own childhood. We also discuss the dynamics of the alienator and the need to mitigate the damage rather than trying to stop it. Charlie cautions against trying to convince the child that they are being alienated and instead focus on maintaining some semblance of contact and providing unconditional love and support. We also explore triggers, blockers, and expectations that can hinder the healing process. The principal themes of the conversation are: understanding the different experiences of each child, the spectrum of alienating behavior, the impact of enmeshment on children, the intergenerational cycle of alienation, the importance of self-healing, the need for trust and emotional availability, preparing for special days, and maintaining hope.

Key Takeaways

• Parent alienation is a common and heartbreaking experience that leaves targeted parents feeling powerless and isolated.
• Self-healing is crucial for targeted parents, as they need to address their own insecurities and vulnerabilities from their own childhood.
• Mitigating the damage caused by the alienator is more realistic than trying to stop it completely.
• Maintaining some form of contact with the alienated child, even if it is difficult, is important for counterbalancing the negative narrative they are exposed to.
• Triggers, blockers, and expectations play a significant role in the healing process and need to be identified and addressed. Each child's experience of parental alienation is unique and should be considered individually.
• Alienating behavior exists on a spectrum, from severe to naive.
• Enmeshment can have a significant impact on children, leading to long-term psychological effects.
• The intergenerational cycle of alienation can result in children developing cluster B personalities.
• Self-healing is crucial for targeted parents to be emotionally available and trustworthy for their children.
• Preparing for special days and managing expectations can help targeted parents cope with the alienating parent's tactics.
• Maintaining hope is important, as relationships with alienated children can change over time.
• Reframing the narrative and focusing on personal growth can empower targeted parents to regain control of their lives.

Interview with Zach Clinton, motivational speaker, author, Vice President of Association of Christian Counselors and President of Ignite Men's Impact Weekend. In this episode Robert and Zach discuss fatherhood from a Biblical perspective. They emphasize the importance of a father's presence in a child's life and the positive impact it has on their mental health, academic performance, and identity development. They also discuss the role of vulnerability and emotional openness in fatherhood, highlighting the need for fathers to model these behaviors for their children. Zach emphasizes the significance of investing in children and providing them with the necessary ingredients for resilience. He encourages fathers to prioritize their families and be consistent in their presence and support. The conversation focuses on the power of words and the importance of creating a positive environment within the home. It emphasizes the role of fathers in shaping their children's lives through their words and actions. The conversation also touches on the topics of discipline, boundaries, and the challenges faced by dads today, including pressure, past mistakes, and the impact of technology. It concludes with a discussion on forgiveness and the importance of choosing to forgive, both others and oneself.

Takeaways

• A father's presence in a child's life has a significant impact on their mental health, academic performance, and identity development.
• Fathers should model vulnerability and emotional openness for their children, creating a safe space for them to express and explore their emotions.
• Investing in children and providing them with the necessary ingredients for resilience is crucial for their growth and development.
• Prioritizing family and being consistent in presence and support are essential responsibilities of fathers. Words have the power to create a world of hurt or a world of hope and healing.
• Fathers need to reflect on the world they are creating within their homes and strive to create a positive and uplifting environment.
• Discipline is not about going easy on kids, but about pushing them to reach their full potential with love and accountability.
• Dads should strive to be both a friend and a parent to their children, setting boundaries while also fostering a strong relationship.
• The prevalence of technology, especially smartphones and pornography, poses challenges for dads in maintaining healthy relationships and setting a good example.
• Forgiveness is a commandment and a choice that brings freedom and healing, both for oneself and for others.
• Forgiveness does not mean excusing or forgetting the wrongs done, but it allows for personal growth and the possibility of reconciliation.
• Living an 'even if' mindset, choosing faith and endurance in the face of challenges, can lead to a transformed life.

Robert interviews Jeff Nelligan, author of 'Four Lessons from My Three Sons: How You Can Raise Resilient Sons.' Jeff shares his background and the inspiration behind writing the book. They discuss the importance of resilience and the challenges faced by the current generation. They also touch on topics such as participation trophies, the impact of screens on children, and the value of being early. The four lessons from the book are guiding personal conduct, developing confidence, fostering resilience, and creating resilient kids through hard truths. The conversation discusses the importance of setting goals, holding oneself accountable, and breaking down goals into manageable steps. It emphasizes the need for parents to be actively involved in their children's lives and provide guidance and support. The concept of the 'jackass kid' is introduced, referring to self-obsessed and attention-seeking behaviors that parents should discourage. The impact of COVID-19 on children's physical and mental health is also discussed, highlighting the need for parents to help their children stay active and engaged during challenging times.

Takeaways

• Resilience is the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties.
• Parents play a crucial role in raising resilient children.
• The current generation faces challenges such as living at home longer and excessive screen time.
• Accomplishments and performance are rewarded and respected in the world.
• Teaching personal conduct, developing confidence, fostering resilience, and embracing hard truths are essential for raising resilient kids. Setting goals and holding oneself accountable are important for personal growth and development.
• Parents should actively engage with their children and provide guidance and support.
• Discouraging self-obsessed and attention-seeking behaviors in children is crucial.
• The COVID-19 pandemic has had a negative impact on children's physical and mental health, and parents should help them stay active and engaged.

Reggie George shares his inspiring story of his daughter's near-fatal stabbing and miraculous recovery. After being stabbed in the head with a pair of scissors by another student, his daughter underwent an eight-hour brain surgery and suffered a massive stroke. She was paralyzed and had to spend 92 days in the hospital, including time in the ICU and rehab. Despite the initial prognosis, she defied all expectations and made a remarkable recovery, regaining her mobility and cognitive abilities. Reggie attributes their strength and resilience to their faith and the support of their family. Reggie George shares his journey of forgiveness and the birth of Father Figure Apparel. He talks about the importance of father figures and the impact they have on children's lives. Reggie emphasizes the need for fathers to be present and intentional, rather than striving for perfection. He also discusses the role of the community in supporting and uplifting fatherhood. The conversation highlights the power of vulnerability and the lessons learned from difficult experiences.

Key Takeaways

• The importance of faith and spirituality in dealing with difficult situations
• The power of resilience and determination in overcoming challenges
• The impact of strong family support in times of crisis
• The ability to find strength and purpose in being a father and leader, Father Figure Apparel was born out of Reggie George's journey of forgiveness and the desire to highlight the importance of father figures.
• Being present and intentional as a father is more important than striving for perfection.
• Fatherhood is not limited to biological fathers; father figures play a crucial role in children's lives.
• The community has a responsibility to support and uplift fatherhood.
• Vulnerability and open communication with children can strengthen the father-child relationship.
• Difficult experiences can teach valuable lessons and lead to personal growth.

In this episode, Robert interviews Ann Silvers, author of the book 'Abuse of Men by Women.' They discuss the prevalence of domestic violence against men, the misconceptions surrounding it, and the reasons behind it. Ann shares that domestic violence is just as common among men as it is among women, with a ratio of 1 in 2 for both genders. However, the issue is often overlooked and underreported. They also discuss the various forms of partner abuse and the tactics used by women to overcome the size disadvantage. The conversation highlights the need for emotional intelligence and coping skills to address domestic violence. False accusations and the devastating impact they have on men are discussed. The conversation highlights the cultural bias towards believing women and disbelieving men, which has led to a fast road for malicious women to get what they want. The conversation also touches on the challenges men face in leaving abusive relationships, including fear of losing their children, economic constraints, and shame and embarrassment. Warning signs of abuse in men are mentioned, and resources for support are provided.

Takeaways

• Domestic violence against men is more common than previously thought, with a ratio of 1 in 2 for both men and women.
• Partner abuse can take various forms, including physical, verbal, sexual, financial, legal, spiritual, and psychological/emotional abuse.
• Women can use tactics such as surprise attacks, false accusations, and object use to overcome the size disadvantage.
• Emotional intelligence and coping skills are crucial in addressing domestic violence.
• Cultural attitudes and media portrayals contribute to the misconception that violence against men is acceptable or humorous. False accusations can have devastating consequences for men, including loss of custody, domestic violence classes, and damage to their reputation.
• The cultural bias of believing women and disbelieving men has created a fast road for malicious women to make false accusations.
• Men may stay in abusive relationships due to fear of losing their children, economic constraints, and shame and embarrassment.
• It is important to take men's stories of abuse seriously and provide support without minimizing their experiences.
• Warning signs of abuse in men include physical injuries, emotional belittlement, and minimizing themselves.
• Resources for support include recording evidence, seeking legal advice, and finding people who can provide declarations of abuse.

Dad to Dads Podcast of IG https://www.instagram.com/dadtodads/
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Ann Silvers www.annsilvers.com
Ann Silvers on IG https://www.instagram.com/ann_silvers/

Building Skills to Uplevel Life: Silver Lining Emotional Intelligence Workbook https://www.amazon.com/s?k=ann+silvers&s=date-desc-rank&crid=36FDRN2YT1U69&qid=1717372580&sprefix=%2Caps%2C90&ref=sr_st_date-desc-rank&ds=v1%3AdSDgAo%2BbXyqR6ab35oBe3lEQzslBqS5qyklZXUJHwTM

Dr. MyRon Edmonds and Robert discuss the challenges and rewards of fatherhood. Dr. Edmonds shares his personal experience with father wounds and the impact it had on his relationship with his own father and his journey as a father. They emphasize the importance of leading with authenticity and vulnerability, and the need for fathers to model the behavior they expect from their children. They also discuss the significance of being present in the lives of their children and the power of relationships in shaping their development. The conversation explores the importance of fathers and the impact they have on their children's lives. It highlights the challenges faced by fathers in being present and engaged with their families. The societal attack on the role of fathers is discussed, along with the need for fathers to be mentors to other men. The conversation also touches on the divisiveness in society and the importance of unity in recognizing the importance of fatherhood. The power of fathers in shaping their children's identity and the crisis of identity in society are explored. The conversation concludes with a discussion about the Dr. MyRon Edmonds' new book 'Men's Breakthrough Devotional' and the 'Winning Circle' men's community.

Key Takeaways

• Fatherhood is a journey of self-mastery and personal growth.
• Children learn more about life through observation of their fathers than through direct communication.
• Fathers need to lead with authenticity and vulnerability, acknowledging their own struggles and mistakes.
• Being present in the lives of their children is the best gift fathers can offer.
• The impact of fathers on their children's lives and relationships is profound.
• Intergenerational trauma can be passed down through relational experiences.
• Fathers need to model the behavior they expect from their children.
• Honesty and transparency are essential in building trust and integrity with children.
• Being a father is both challenging and rewarding, and brings immense joy.
• Fatherhood requires constant self-reflection and a commitment to personal growth. Fathers need to be present and engaged with their families, as their absence can have a significant impact on their children's lives.
• There is a societal attack on the role of fathers, which undermines their importance and value.
• Fathers should serve as mentors to other men, helping them navigate the challenges of fatherhood.
• Society needs to recognize and appreciate the importance of fatherhood, fostering unity and support for fathers.
• Fathers play a crucial role in shaping their children's identity and providing them with a sense of purpose and direction.
• There is a crisis of identity in society, which can be addressed through the presence and guidance of fathers.
• The book 'Men's Breakthrough Devotional' offers inspiration and guidance for men seeking to optimize their lives.
• The 'Winning Circle' men's community provides support, accountability, and camaraderie for men striving to excel in their roles as husbands, fathers, and men of integrity.

Robert discusses parent alienation with expert Charlie McCready. Parent alienation is when one parent tries to damage the relationship between the other parent and their children. It often involves withholding the children from seeing the targeted parent and spreading negative narratives about them. Parent alienation can be divided into two phases: pre-alienation, where negative comments and undermining behaviors start to occur, and full-blown alienation, which intensifies after separation. Alienators are often driven by fear and insecurity, and they use control and manipulation to maintain power over the children. Charlie advises parents to focus on their children's needs, disengage from their own emotions, and send positive messages of love and support. For parents with no contact, he encourages them to learn about alienation and never give up hope. The principal themes of the conversation are reaching out to alienated children, the challenges of limited or no contact, the importance of patience and love, the need to focus on the present and future rather than the past, the danger of overwhelming children with emotions, the importance of being a positive role model, the impact of subconscious programming on children's behavior, the handling of angry children, the importance of self-help and personal growth, and the message of hope and resilience.

Key Takeaways:

• Parent alienation is a form of abuse that damages the relationship between a targeted parent and their children.
• Alienation can occur in two phases: pre-alienation, where negative comments and undermining behaviors start, and full-blown alienation, which intensifies after separation.
• Alienators are driven by fear and insecurity, and they use control and manipulation to maintain power over the children.
• Parents should focus on their children's needs, disengage from their own emotions, and send positive messages of love and support.
• For parents with no contact, it is important to learn about alienation and never give up hope for rebuilding the relationship with their children. Reaching out to alienated children requires patience, love, and respect for their boundaries.
• Limited or no contact with children is a harsh reality for some parents, but they must continue to conduct their lives and be prepared to help their children when they are ready.
• When children reach out, it is important for parents to avoid overwhelming them with emotions and focus on the present and future rather than the past.
• Parents should be positive role models and avoid talking about alienation, instead focusing on building trust and a healthy relationship with their children.
• Parents should be prepared to handle angry children by validating their feelings and creating a safe space for them to express their emotions.
• Self-help and personal growth are essential for parents to heal and overcome the emotional roller coaster of alienation.
• Hope and resilience are key in navigating the challenges of parental alienation and rebuilding relationships with children.