In a recent Huffington Post article, Paula Spencer Scott of Kinstantly.com wrote about Psychologist Jeffrey Froh, a professor and leading gratitude researcher who wrote a book called “Making Grateful Kids: The Science of Building Character.  He wrote about this thing called “culture of appreciation”.  In order to do this we have to recognize 3 things: 1) The intent: that somebody put me first 2) The cost: what someone gave up for me 3) The benefit: what I got out of it An  example you would say to your child:  “Hey Rosemary, that was pretty nice of Sara to help you with your math when she knew you were struggling [intent]  I can’t beleive she gave up for soccer time to help you [cost] – but how great that you now know your four times-tables [benefit] Here are 14 Tips to Help Children Be Grateful: 1. Teach them to say Thank You – We do this when they are very little 2. Have them write a thank you note – birthdays, holidays 3. Read books or poems about gratitude – Go to Amazon and type in gratitude books for kids 4. Share stories about their past 5. Share stories about their family history 6. At a meal, everyone shares something they are thankful for.  We do this at Thanksgiving, but I can see it needs to be done more often. 7. Write or say what they are thankful about someone within their own family 8. Notice little things, like in nature 9. Have them make something for someone else – draw a picture, build something 10. Have them do something nice for a neighbor – rake leaves, wash their car, take out their trash 11. Give them experiences versus stuff 12. Help them figure out what matters to them – …

Episode 79 is inspired by this article written by Patty Wipfler. Whining children are communicating important information – usually they feel powerless, or they feel alone. It often happens shortly after being disconnected to the parent or caregiver. Things like cooking dinner, talking to a friend, or anything where they are not paid attention to can bring it on. Once they feel disconnected, small things can feel big: getting dressed, brushing teeth, having to say goodbye. They would rather continue what they are currently doing. Whining Children have real needs – They must feel connected to you. When they don’t, their behavior goes wacky. Whining children have feeling that won’t be rational – The feelings can come up even at the end of playing…and they can be from the day before or another time. Whining children aren’t trying to manipulate you – He’s just telling you he needs help. Picture him saying “I want a cookie” but meaning “please say no. I need a good cry with your arms around me. Help your child connect again – They need the emotional outlet before they get a sense you are on their side. After the tantrum, laughter, scream, they can take charge again. Try filling your child’s request once – You can’t be sure it will solve the issue if it’s about connecting, but worth a shot. help them once. Get their toy, help them get dressed, whatever it is. If he’s not satisfied, offer closeness and a clear limit. Say no with a big smile and even a kiss on the cheek. If they persist, do it again with more affection. At some point the affection your offering will move them toward laughter or tanturm and either are good for them. Sometimes they just need to cry or have the …

Content inspired by this great About.com article on grandparents. Grandparents can spoil your kids in a good way: by providing love, affection, and time.  However, they can also spoil your kids in a negative way: gifts, letting them rule the house, or doing things they know the parents wouldn’t like. Dr. Ellen, Jason’s mother, used to say “What happens at grandma’s house, stays at grandma’s house.” According to Susan Adcox, grandparent expert, words like that can teach children deceitfulness and lack of respect for the parents. Here are some ways Grandparents spoil kids: In the Buy Category Buy innapropriate things Buy too many things Gifts are better than the parents Buying expensive gifts – electronics Don’t match parents values Spend money on things parents think is wasteful when the money can be saved Food or Consumption Treats like ice cream or Candy Pizza Fast food Here is what needs to be done: With anything, you need to pick your battles. Are there some things you may not like but can be ok with for the sake of not creating an argument? Also be sure it is the direct parent/grandparent having these discussions. Do not have the discussion with in-laws. 1) Define your expectations – what is the role you want them to play? Have the talk even before the child is born 2) Set boundaries/rules – explain the importance of them respecting your rules. For the grandparent who buys gifts, it may mean saying “we don’t have guns or weapons in our house, I would appreciate you respecting that”. 3) Respect their time /effort – are your expectations realistic? Don’t abuse the resource. Don’t ask them to drop whatever they are doing and watch the child? 4) Make it a combination of fun time and babysitting time – You …

It’s back to school time. This means routines, schedules, and chaos. You must listen to this episode!  It’s really important that parents, teachers, and administration hear this. We first discuss some of the benefits of homework, 10 Benefits of Homework by John Bishop, Author of Goal Setting For Students: Homework teaches students about time management. Homework teaches students how to set priorities. Homework helps teachers determine how well the lessons and material are being understood by their students. Homework teaches students how to problem solve. Homework gives students another opportunity to review the class material. Homework gives parents a chance to see what their child is learning in school. Homework teaches students that they have to do things, even when they don’t want to. Homework teaches students how to take responsibility for their part in the educational process. Homework teaches students how to work independently. Homework teaches students the importance of planning, staying organized and taking action. I won’t argue that these are good things to learn, but there are other ways to learn these items too. For elementary school kids, I think there are more engaging and interesting ways to learn. 2 really powerful people in this arena: Harris Cooper of Duke University – considered the country’s leading homework researcher has published numerous studies around homework. Sara Bennett – Co-author of The Case Against Homework started stophomework.com Was successful in changing rules at her kid’s schools Here are two articles that really help explain the research findings: http://www.healthline.com/health-news/children-more-homework-means-more-stress-031114 Why Parents Should Not Make Kids Do Homework Research is suggesting that for elementary school children, homework provides no extra benefit. For middle school, they are suggesting that the benefit is minimal. In fact it’s actually having a negative effect……it’s effecting children’s attitude toward school. It can effect their grades, …