🔥 PART 2 is here! Dr. Jake Smith is back with the game-changing attunement triangle that will transform how you connect with your kids.

70% of Christian leaders don't finish well as dads. Don't be part of that statistic.

In today's episode, you'll discover:

✅ The 4 components of attunement that create lasting relationships

✅ How to escape the "smothering grind" before it destroys your family

✅ Why behavior modification is sabotaging your connection with your kids

✅ The difference between "crushing life" and actually living it

SUMMARY:

The battle for your attention as a dad is real, and 70% of Christian leaders won't finish well. In part two of this critical conversation, Dr. Jake Smith reveals the attunement triangle that creates lasting relationships with your kids and how to escape the smothering grind that leads to burnout, flame out, or tap out. You'll discover why seeing your kids underneath their behavior changes everything and how to move from survival-mode parenting to deeply connected fatherhood.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Attunement is the key to all healthy, deeply connected relationships: "I see you, I feel with you, I suffer alongside you, and I delight in you."
• The smothering grind pushes 70% of dads toward three outcomes: burnout, flame out, or tap out—and none of them are acceptable.
• Stop teaching your kids to survive you and start teaching them to thrive in the world by moving beyond behavior modification.
• The attunement triangle consists of attunement at the top, with containment and repair as the foundational supports.
• You have two escape routes from life's river: hyperphoria (crushing it through activity) or hypophoria (checking out through apathy)—both lead to destruction.
• Your kids need you to stay in the river of life, feeling what's yours to feel and facing what's yours to face.

GUEST:

Dr. Jake Smith is a licensed professional counselor, author, and the founder of Plumline Ministries. He specializes in helping men navigate the challenges of modern fatherhood while maintaining their emotional and spiritual health. Jake has extensive experience in counseling Christian leaders and is passionate about helping dads finish well in their most important relationships.

LINKS

• Learn about the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort

• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

• Download a free chapter of the DadAwesome book

• Plumb Line Ministry (HEART)

• Plumb Line Ministry (SOUL)

• Episode 311 | Managing Triggers, Providing a Secure Beginning, and The North Stars of Parenting (Dr. Dan Allender)

• Episode 398 - Part 1 of conversation with Dr. Jake Smith

• Dan Allender resources on attunement

• Chip Dodd - Euphoria River framework

QUOTES

1. "I see you, I feel with you, I suffer alongside you, and I delight in you."
2. "70% of Christian leaders don't finish well—don't be part of that statistic."
3. "Stop teaching your kids to survive you and start teaching them to thrive in life."
4. "Are you crushing life or is life crushing you?"
5. "The goal isn't perfect parenting—it's staying in process."
6. "Attunement is the one thing that ensures relationships last."
7. "Your kids don't need behavior modification—they need you to see them."
8. "Escape the grind before it leads to burnout, flame out, or tap out."
9. "Great parents don't always have great kids—but connected parents do."
10. "You don't have to be a perfect dad—you just have to be present."

💔 "If I could pick a nice dad or you, I'd still pick you."

That's what Dr. Jake Smith's 4-year-old daughter whispered to him at bedtime. Talk about a truth bomb from the mouth of a child!

Jake unpacks how that moment launched his discovery of our "spiritual anatomy"—the four systems that make us complete fathers:

✅ The Loving Companion (Heart)

✅ The Visionary Guide (Soul)

✅ The Strategic Overseer (Mind)

✅ The Driven Warrior (Strength)

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DadAwesome Accelerator 6-Week Cohort:

SUMMARY:

What happens when your 4-year-old daughter whispers, "If I could line up all the dads in the world and pick a nice one or you, I'd still pick you"? In this episode, Dr. Jake Smith shares how that truth bomb from his daughter launched him on a journey to discover what he calls our "spiritual anatomy"—the four integrated systems (heart, soul, mind, strength) that Jesus perfectly demonstrated. You'll learn why most dads operate from just one dominant system, how to identify your type, and practical steps to become the whole-hearted, integrated father your kids desperately need.

Key Takeaways:

• Most dads live dominantly from one of four systems (heart, soul, mind, strength) with a "sidekick" system, creating 12 possible father types
• Whatever you do to yourself emotionally, you'll do to your kids—if you dismiss your own feelings, you'll dismiss theirs
• Jesus demonstrated perfect integration of all four systems, responding appropriately to each situation rather than predictable patterns
• The goal isn't to stay in your comfort zone but to develop all four aspects of your spiritual anatomy for complete fatherhood
• Creating space to understand your own emotions is the upstream work that transforms how you respond to your children's big feelings

Guest Bio:

Dr. Jake Smith is the founder of Plumb Line, a ministry dedicated to helping men and women live with their whole hearts through healing, wholeness, and purpose. A former pastor of 21 years, Jake now focuses on helping people integrate what he calls their "spiritual anatomy"—the four systems of heart, soul, mind, and strength that Jesus perfectly demonstrated. He and his wife have three children: two sons (19 and 17) and a 14-year-old daughter. Jake is passionate about helping fathers move beyond survival mode to become integrated, whole-hearted leaders in their homes.

Links Mentioned:

• Learn about the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort

• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

• Download a free chapter of the DadAwesome book

• Plumb Line Ministry (HEART)

• Plumb Line Ministry (SOUL)

• Dr. Jake Smith's upcoming book and assessment (releasing early 2026)

• Episode 311 | Managing Triggers, Providing a Secure Beginning, and The North Stars of Parenting (Dr. Dan Allender)

✅ The "wooden box method" that transforms phone habits

✅ Why asking "What's the point of fatherhood?" changes everything

✅ How foster care taught them about the infinite value of every child

✅ Why each of your kids needs different parenting approaches

FULL SHOW NOTES

SUMMARY

What if the secret to raising kids who aren't addicted to screens isn't about restricting technology—but about making real life more compelling? In this episode, young dad Kieran Lenahan shares practical wisdom from the trenches of parenting four kids under six, including foster care experiences that changed everything. You'll discover why the simple question "What's the point of fatherhood?" should guide every parenting decision, and how a wooden box might be the game-changer your family needs.

TAKEAWAYS

• The fundamental question every dad should ask and keep asking: "What is the point of fatherhood?" Let this guide your decisions rather than just reacting to whatever gets thrown at you.
• Make real life more compelling than screens by creating engaging experiences—if physical reality is exciting, screens lose their allure naturally.
• The wooden box method: Put phones in a physical container and commit to never looking at your phone when kids are asking for your attention.
• Each child needs different parenting approaches—situational leadership applies to fatherhood, so learn to speak each kid's unique "language."
• Foster care teaches you that every child has infinite value—there's no such thing as "practice" when it comes to loving and caring for any child.

GUEST

Kieran Lenahan is the founder of Malachi Daily, a scripture memory tool used by over 70,000 people to memorize Bible verses through gamified daily emails. He's an entrepreneur, coach, and father of four children under six, including children through foster care. Kieran and his wife are passionate about making real life more compelling than screens, intentional parenting, and helping families build rhythms around scripture memory. He lives with his family and leads initiatives that blend faith, technology, and practical parenting wisdom.

LINKS

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome

• Learn about the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort

• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

• Download a free chapter of the DadAwesome book

• Malachi Daily (Free Scripture Memory Newsletter)
• WhisperFlow App (Voice Transcription)
• Previous Jamie Winship episodes on Dad Awesome

QUOTES

1. "The biggest thing is thinking about what is the point of fatherhood? Let that be a really helpful guiding question as you enter fatherhood, and you can keep asking that as you go."
2. "We think that life is good and God created it in the physical real world to be good. If we can make that as compelling as possible, screens lose their allure."
3. "We will never be looking at our phone when our kids are asking for our attention. I never want our kids to feel like our phone is more important than they are."
4. "Not each of our kids needs the exact same type of parenting. The best leaders understand how to speak the language of that team member in a way that's going to motivate them."
5. "If we don't know who we are, it's really hard to live an effective, faithful, obedient life. If that's true for us, how much more true is that for our kids?"

✅ Why your emotional health is the greatest gift to your kids

✅ How to parent non-reactively when hormones and emotions run high

✅ The "backpack" you're handing your children (and how to lighten it)

✅ Simple calendar strategies that reveal what you truly value

Full Show Notes Fall 2025 DadAwesome Accelerator SUMMARY

Parenting doesn't have to be about survival mode. In this episode, Glenn Packiam shares how intentional rhythms and a focus on resilience can transform your family life. From learning to be non-reactive when hormones hit to using your calendar as a tool for what you truly value, Glenn offers practical wisdom for dads navigating everything from toddlers to young adults getting married. Plus, discover why the healthiest gift you can give your kids might be your own emotional well-being.

Key Takeaways:

• You're going to hand your kids a "backpack" whether you like it or not—the goal is to make it as light as possible by dealing with your own emotional health first.
• Non-reactive parenting starts with slowing your breath and asking "what else is going on here?" instead of jumping to conclusions.
• Resilience isn't about avoiding hard emotions—it's about how quickly you recover and what you learn from difficult seasons.
• Your calendar reveals your true values; intentional rhythms like family dinners and Sabbath don't happen by accident.
• One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is your own repentance when you mess up.

GUEST:

Glenn Packiam is the author of The Intentional Year and several other books focused on spiritual formation and resilience. He's a pastor, speaker, and father of four children ranging from teenagers to young adults. Glenn lives in Southern California with his wife Holly, and his oldest daughter recently got engaged. He's passionate about helping parents move from survival mode to intentional, rhythmic family life that builds resilience in both parents and children.

LINKS

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome

• Learn about the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort

• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

• Download a free chapter of the DadAwesome book

• The Intentional Year by Glenn & Holly Packiam

• Resilient Pastor resources

• Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero

✅ Why "lighting up" when your kids walk in the room changes everything

✅ The Christmas tree coaster story that shows how much your kids are watching

✅ How to outsource influence without losing your role as dad

✅ The simple routines that build lasting family connection

Leave DadAwesome A VOICEMAIL.

SUMMARY

What if the secret to great fatherhood isn't about being in control, but about maximizing your influence? In this From the Vault episode, Dr. Peter Larson shares the game-changing perspective that shifted his entire approach to parenting. From lighting up every time your kid walks in the room to understanding their unique motivational wiring, you'll discover practical ways to build relationships that last. Plus, hear about the dad who visited his son in the hospital 28 days straight and how that legacy of showing up continues today.

Takeaways:

• Influence beats control every time. You can't control your kids, but you can maximize your influence through intentional relationship-building.
• Light up when they walk in the room. Treat your children like rock stars entering the room—this simple shift builds their security and connection with you.
• Your kids are always watching. From Christmas tree coasters to how you handle flight delays, you're modeling solutions, character, and faith even when you don't realize it.
• Outsource positive influence wisely. Youth groups, mentors, and camps aren't competition—they're allies in raising kids who love Jesus.
• Don't ride their emotional roller coaster. Be the stable sidewalk they can return to, not another passenger on their ups and downs.
• Mine gold from parents ahead of you. The best parenting advice often comes from observing and asking questions of families you respect.

Guest:

Dr. Peter Larson is a licensed clinical psychologist and assessment expert who has spent over 20 years developing tools that help people understand their unique design and motivation. He's the creator behind Prepare-Enrich, a premarital assessment used by pastors worldwide, and currently works with GLUE developing assessments for churches and the True Motivate tool for colleges. Peter and his wife Heather have three adult children and live near Minneapolis. He's passionate about helping parents move from control to influence in their relationships with their kids.

Links:

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
• Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• Download a free chapter of the DadAwesome book
• Prepare-Enrich Assessment Tool
• True Motivate Assessment
• GLUE - Assessment and church resources

✅ How to avoid creating performance identities in your kids

✅ Why "consistency compounds" in parenting just like investing

✅ The 4 legs of legacy (hint: wealth is only 25% of it!)

✅ How to have intentional family vision meetings that actually work

LEAVE DADAWESOME A VOICEMAIL: speakpipe.com/DadAwesome

FULL SHOW NOTES: https://www.dadawesome.org/blog/394

SUMMARY

What if the words you speak as a dad today become your child's inner voice for decades to come? In this episode, Lance Welch—dad of three adult entrepreneurs and grandfather of two—shares how he moved from being a "dictator dad" to a "friend dad" while building intentional multi-generational impact. You'll discover the four stages of fatherhood, why creating performance identities in our kids backfires, and how to transition from survival-mode parenting to legacy-building leadership in your family.

Takeaways:

• There are four distinct stages of fatherhood: dictator dad (young kids), consultant dad (asking "what would you do?"), advocate dad (letting them make mistakes), and friend dad (adult relationships)
• Consistency compounds—whether in finances or fatherhood, small intentional actions over time create massive impact
• Avoid creating performance identities in your children by celebrating the "gain" (progress made) rather than focusing on the "gap" (falling short of perfection)
• Choose your inconvenience: invest time teaching skills on the front end rather than being constantly inconvenienced doing everything yourself
• The four legs of legacy are vision, values, knowledge, and wealth—with wealth being only one-fourth of what you pass down
• Empty nest doesn't have to mean relationship decline—40% of couples divorce during this transition, but it can be your greatest season yet

Guest:

Lance Welch is a legacy navigator, leadership coach, and author of "Legacy Navigator: Creating Intentional Multi-Generational Impact." Along with his wife, he hosts the "Beyond the Nest" podcast, helping couples thrive during the empty nest transition. After spending decades in corporate leadership at a Fortune 100 company, Lance now coaches business leaders and families on creating intentional impact. He and his wife have been married for 37 years, have three adult sons who are all entrepreneurs, and are proud grandparents of two. They live in the Nashville area of Tennessee.

Links Mentioned:

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome: https://www.speakpipe.com/DadAwesome
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

• Legacy Navigator by Lance Welch
• Beyond the Nest Podcast with Lance and his wife
• The Gap and the Gain by Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan
• First Friday Discussion Guide (Free download from Lance's website)

✅ Why Kobe chose carpool line over million-dollar meetings

✅ The "TEA" framework (Time, Energy, Attention) that will transform your fathering

✅ Simple practices like 10-minute wrestling time and Wine Wednesdays that create deep family connection

FULL SHOW NOTES: SUMMARY

Life moves fast, and without intentional direction, we can end up achieving things that don't actually matter. In this episode, John Olinger—former Nike executive and global brand director for Kobe Bryant—shares how tragedy, transition, and the halfway point of life led him to redefine success. You'll hear about his "TEA" framework (Time, Energy, Attention), why Kobe chose carpool line over meetings, and how simple practices like 10-minute wrestling sessions and Wine Wednesdays can transform your family relationships.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Winning is subjective—you must define what success looks like for your family before you can achieve it
• Your Time, Energy, and Attention (TEA) are finite resources that must be strategically invested in what matters most
• The halfway point of life (around age 40) is a crucial inflection point for dads to pause and redirect toward meaningful priorities
• Quality connection moments with kids don't require huge time investments—10 minutes of wrestling or monthly birthday dates can be transformational
• Relationships matter more than accomplishments, and great stories require embracing challenge and difficulty
• Creating structured connection points (like Wine Wednesdays for marriage) protects what's most important from the chaos of daily life

QUOTES:

1. "Winning is subjective. And the only way you can win is if you get extremely clear about what it means to win." - John Olinger
2. "We're under attack all day long from distractions, our brains playing tricks on us about what things are fulfilling in the moment, going after short hits of dopamine, chasing success and accomplishments at the expense of other things." - John Olinger
3. "The reason why [Kobe] worked out at 4am was because he wanted to be there in the morning when his kids got up and before they went to school... At two o'clock, he's done. Hard stop. Why? He's got to go to the carpool line." - John Olinger
4. "Can you just pause and say, what's one thing that's simple that I could apply to point into the relationships with the people that matter the most to me?" - John Olinger
5. "If I'm halfway done, that means that every year for the rest of my life is gonna be between one and 2% of the remaining amount of my life. Do I wanna wait for later to do the things that are most important?" - John Olinger

GUEST

John Olinger is the author of "Worthy Wins: Pointing Your Life Toward What Matters Most" and a former Nike executive who served as global brand director for Kobe Bryant. After over a decade at Nike, John made a cross-country move with his family to Florida, choosing intentional fatherhood over corporate climbing. He and his wife have three boys (ages 10, 8, and 5) and are passionate about helping other parents define and pursue what truly matters most. John speaks and consults on leadership, purpose, and the intersection of success and significance.

LINKS:

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• "Worthy Wins: Pointing Your Life Toward What Matters Most" by John Olinger
• DadAwesome ACCELERATOR Coaching Groups

✅ Why you should train your child in the way THEY should go (not your way)

✅ How failing forward teaches your kids resilience better than perfect parenting

✅ The 4 pillars that transform boys into men: Identity, Strength, Courage, Influence

✅ Why showing up consistently matters more than having all the answers

FULL SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

When you move your family halfway around the world to serve fatherless boys, you quickly discover that you're learning as much about fatherhood as you're teaching. In this episode, Bryan Greenwood shares 11 years of discoveries from Thailand—from building the largest amateur football league in Northern Thailand to creating government-approved mentorship programs for at-risk youth. You'll hear why your kids need to see you failing forward, how to train them in the way THEY should go (not the way you want them to go), and why showing up consistently matters more than having all the answers.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Train up your child in the way THEY should go, not the way you want them to go—this requires discovering their unique identity and strengths
• Your kids need to see you failing forward and living with purpose beyond just being a great dad
• Consistent presence matters more than perfect parenting—just showing up creates lasting impact
• Create safe environments where your kids can respectfully disagree and engage in real dialogue
• You'll never know who you are until you know who your Father is—this principle transforms both dads and kids
• The four pillars of strong character: Identity (knowing who you are), Strength (putting gifts under pressure), Courage (living for others), and Influence (natural result of the first three)

GUEST:

Bryan Greenwood is the founder of Outboundlife Inc, a ministry focused on assisting the fatherless through mentoring young men. For over 13 years, Bryan and his wife Valerie have lived in Northern Thailand, creating mentorship programs now integrated into the Thai Department of Probation system. Their work targets young men leaving orphanages, foster care, juvenile prison, and those at risk of human trafficking. They've built the largest amateur football league in Northern Thailand as a "fishing pond" for identifying young men who need fathering. Bryan and Valerie have two adult children and continue their mission of helping boys discover their identity, develop strength, find courage, and use their influence.

LINKS

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome

• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• Outboundlife Inc Ministry
• DadAwesome Accelerator

✅ Why weakness connects you deeper with your kids than strength ever could

✅ How to transform your dinner table into sacred space

✅ Ancient practices that can revolutionize your modern family

✅ The power of prayer retreats for busy dads

SUMMARY

What if your family isn't broken and doesn't need fixing—but is actually a garden that needs nurturing? In this episode, Dave Brickey shares how shifting from a mechanical mindset to an agricultural approach transforms fatherhood. You'll discover why your weaknesses connect you deeper with your kids than your strengths ever could, and how simple practices like prayer retreats and sacred family meals can become life-changing rhythms. Plus, Dave opens up about his wife's miraculous healing and how walking through valleys as a family creates unbreakable bonds.

Top 5 Quotes:

1. "My strength points my kids to me as their savior, but my weakness points them to who my savior is."
2. "Our families aren't broken and need fixing—they are gardens in need of nurturing."
3. "The beauty of parenting is marked more by weakness than strength. No one has a bird's eye view into the messiness of someone's life other than a spouse and children—they see it all."
4. "You can change behavior through control, but you cannot change a heart."
5. "Isolation puts a magnifying glass on pain, and us guys—some of us are professional isolators."

Key Takeaways:

• The depth of relationship you experience with teenagers was built during their childhood years through consistent presence and creating a safe space
• An agricultural approach to family life focuses on long-term nurturing rather than quick fixes and immediate results
• Ancient practices like prayer retreats, sacred meals, and singing together can transform modern family life
• Weakness and vulnerability in parenting creates deeper connection than always being the strong hero
• Spiritual family—mentors, spiritual grandparents, and community—multiplies the impact of seeing, knowing, and celebrating your children
• Isolation magnifies pain, while community provides perspective and hope during difficult seasons

GUEST

Dave Brickey is a lead pastor in the Northwest suburbs of Minnesota and father of four children in the graduation phase. He and his wife Stephanie describe their family life as a "beautiful mess." Dave is passionate about helping families shift from mechanical thinking to agricultural approaches in parenting and faith. He advocates for ancient practices like prayer retreats, sacred family meals, and building spiritual community as essential elements of thriving family life.

Links:

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
• Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort
• [email protected]
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• Pacem in Terrace Prayer Retreat Center https://www.paceminterris.org/
• Wilderness Fellowship Prayer Center https://www.wildernessfellowship.com/
• Dave Brickey's "Machines to Gardens" message (church resource) - (start at 45 minutes)

🎯 Are you aiming at the right target as a dad? Josh Kubler joins us with game-changing insights from Manhood Journey's survey of 6,000 Christian fathers.

The stats might surprise you:

• Only 22% regularly read Scripture with their kids
• 78% don't spend intentional time discipling their children
• Less than 17% pray regularly as a family beyond meals and bedtime

But here's the good news—these aren't defeating numbers, they're opportunities! 💪

SUMMARY:

What does it really look like to prepare our children for the spiritual battles ahead? In this episode, Josh Kubler from Manhood Journey shares eye-opening insights from their massive survey of 6,000 Christian fathers—and the results might surprise you. Plus, he opens up about his family's foster care and adoption journey, the sanctifying power of stewardship over ownership, and why viewing our children as "arrows in the hand of a warrior" changes everything about our parenting approach.

TAKEAWAYS:

• 📖 Only 22% of Christian fathers regularly read their Bible with their children—but that's not a defeating number, it's an opportunity for intentional growth.
• 🏠 Foster care taught one powerful lesson: we're stewards, not owners, of ALL our children—biological or adopted.
• 🚁 Instead of helicopter or submarine parenting, find the middle ground that cultivates independence and decision-making in your kids.
• 👀 Your children know what's truly important to you—they can tell if baseball matters more than church or if stress matters more than presence.
• 💪 The goal isn't perfection; it's purposefulness. When we fail, we apologize, model humility, and show our kids we need Jesus too.
• 🎯 If our target is anything other than our children loving God, enjoying Him, and bringing Him glory, we're aiming at the wrong target.

GUEST

Josh Kubler is the Director of Church Engagement for Manhood Journey and one of the founding pastors of Redeemer Baptist Church in Olive Branch, Mississippi. Josh and his wife Katie have five children, including two daughters adopted through foster care. He's passionate about equipping fathers and churches to raise the next generation for God's glory. Fun fact: Josh grew up with some unique pets—including three cougars, a wolf, and two skunks!

https://www.dadawesome.org/blog/390

LINKS

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome https://www.speakpipe.com/DadAwesome
• Dad Awesome Accelerator Coaching: https://dadawesome.org/coaching
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• State of Biblical Fatherhood Report: https://manhoodjourney.org/state-of-biblical-fatherhood
• Manhood Journey Resources: https://manhoodjourney.org