Family First: Embracing the Realities of Fatherhood
Fatherhood is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and countless learning moments. In our recent episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast,we had the pleasure of hosting Brian Piper and his daughter Libby. This engaging conversation shed light on the intricacies of fostering a strong father-daughter bond, emphasizing empathy, support, and mutual growth.
The Initial Steps: Embracing the Unknown
Brian Piper candidly shared his initial reaction to fatherhood. Like many new fathers, Brian felt a mix of excitement and fear. He was initially terrified but quickly embraced the journey as a valuable learning experience. Understanding the emotional and intellectual differences between men and women was one of his primary concerns when raising his daughter, Libby.
Libby also offered her perspective on the various activities her dad encouraged her to try. From cheerleading and soccer to rock climbing and snowboarding, Brian's support helped Libby find her passions and joy in unexpected places. Their shared skydiving experience stands out as a testament to his encouragement and her bravery.
Open Ears and Open Hearts: Listening Versus Fixing
A significant part of the episode focused on the challenges of raising daughters, especially the balance between listening and solving their problems. Brian highlighted the importance of listening without judgment and providing empathetic support, something often more required by daughters than sons.
Libby emphasized that sometimes she needs her dad to listen and provide empathy rather than immediate solutions to her problems. This approach has helped her feel supported and understood. Fathers must remember to ask if their daughters want advice or just a sympathetic ear at that moment, fostering better communication and stronger relationships.
Skydiving and Small Steps: Overcoming Anxiety Together
Libby's journey with anxiety and how her father has been there for her with unwavering support was another crucial discussion point. Brian has used techniques like walking her through worst-case scenarios to help alleviate her anxiety. This method allows Libby to process her emotions and face her fears more manageable.
The skydiving experience shared between them illustrates this dynamic beautifully. Despite her initial anxiety, Libby found joy and excitement in the activity, thanks to her father's encouragement and support. This shared adventure not only helped her overcome a significant fear but also strengthened their bond.
Thriving Amidst Technology: Discussing AI and Social Media
In today's digital age, navigating AI and social media is an inevitable part of parenting. Brian, with his expertise as a marketer and content expert, highlighted the ethical considerations and the need for open discussions about these technologies with children. Libby, coming from an environmental major background, shared her concerns about AI's potential negative uses, reflecting her thoughtful approach to the impact of technology on society.
These conversations around the dinner table, although sometimes challenging, are crucial for preparing children to make informed decisions about technology usage responsibly.
Finding Opportunities and Walking the Path Together
Libby's approach to seizing opportunities by breaking tasks into manageable steps is a valuable lesson in personal development. This method, akin to how Brian taught skydiving, emphasizes the importance of self-belief and recognizing personal capabilities.
Brian's reflections on parenting six children underscore the significance of personalized attention, open communication, and equitable responsibility-sharing with his partner. The value of family dinners as moments of connection and fun further highlights his commitment to family values.
Conclusion
In wrapping up the episode, Dr. Christopher Lewis reiterated the importance of community and shared learning as vital tools in the journey of fatherhood. The insights from Brian and Libby Piper's experiences remind us to balance listening and fixing, support our daughters as they face their fears and challenges, and engage them in meaningful conversations about technology and personal growth.
Fatherhood, as stressed throughout the "Dads with Daughters" podcast, is not about finding a one-size-fits-all approach. It's about being present, empathetic, and open to learning from our children and each other. With resources like the "Fatherhood Insider" and the vibrant "Dads with Daughters" community, fathers can find the support and guidance they need to raise strong, independent daughters.
For more insights and to join the conversation, visit fatheringtogether.org, and stay tuned for more empowering episodes on the "Dads with Daughters" podcast.
TRANSCRIPT (Unedited transcript created with CASTMAGIC)
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads with Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, I love being able to be on this journey with you. You know, I've got 2 daughters myself. I love being able to talk to you, talk with you, walk with you as we go down this path to be able to raise our daughters and to figure this out along the way, because there is no right way way to father. Every one of us is gonna do things a little bit differently, and that's okay. But what's most important is that we are open to listening, to learning, not only to listen and learn from our kids, but also to listen and learn from other fathers that are have gone before us, are going through it right now because we can learn a lot of things, a lot of tools that we can put into our own toolbox that we can then put into action. So that's why this podcast exists.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:10]: It is here to help you. And every week I love being able to bring you different people, different guests with different experiences that help you to be able to grab some of those tools for your toolbox. This week, we've got 2 new great guests that are joining us. Brian Piper and his daughter, Libby are with us today. And we're gonna be talking about their journey together as father and daughter, but also gonna be talking about some of the other experiences that that Brian's had as a father of 6 and more. So Brian, Libby, thanks so much for being here today.
Brian Piper [00:01:42]: Thanks so much for having us, Chris.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:43]: It is my pleasure. Love being able to be here to talk to both of you today. And I always start off by turning the clock back in time. So I Brian, I wanna go all the way back. I wanna go back to the first moment that you found out you were going to be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head?
Brian Piper [00:01:57]: I was terrified, really. I do a lot of things that, you know, get my, adrenaline going and put me out on the edge, but I really had no concept of what it was, you know, gonna be like to be a father and then to be a father of girl. It was very daunting, but, you know, I've always accepted challenges and kind of, you know, jumped head first into them my whole life. So I figured this would be a great learning experience.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:22]: It definitely is a learning experience. And I know that I talk to a lot of dads that say what you just said in the sense that there's fear. And I think there's fear not only with becoming a father in general, but there's fear also in becoming a father to a daughter because it's an experience that we have not lived in many in for the most part and we can't we can empathize, but we can't always understand. But I guess as you think back and you think to the time that you've had with Libby and your other kids too, but as you think back to raising a daughter and that fear that you talked about, what was your biggest fear in raising a daughter?
Brian Piper [00:02:55]: Well, first of all, just making sure to to keep them alive. That was a key. But, just being able to understand them because I grew up with a brother. You know, I had a great relationship with my mother, but that's a very different relationship than you have with a child. And just knowing that women are very different than men emotionally and intellectually. And so I just wanted to make sure that I was gonna be able to connect with her and help her and, you know, help provide her the tools to make her a better person than I am.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:24]: So let's talk about experiences. You said you wanted to build those experiences. And and having memories, building experiences is definitely important. You talked about being an adrenaline junkie and, you know, you and I have talked about that and the things that you enjoy doing, but I'm gonna turn this over first to Libby. Libby, I guess as you think about experiences that that you've had with your dad, what's been the most memorable experience that you've had thus far with your dad?
Libby Piper [00:03:49]: I think since I was young, he's always been, like, very encouraging to try everything, like, despite your interest level in it. So I've, like growing up I tried everything. I was put into like cheerleading, soccer. I have no athletic ability. I'm a theater kid and did not thrive in that situation. But he does a lot of things and sometimes that becomes an issue, but I've tried rock climbing and I love that and I don't know if I would have thought that I would have enjoyed that. Snowboarding, I've tried and there have been a lot of times in trying out these new things that at first I struggled a lot with them or like did not enjoy them at first. The first time he took me snowboarding, I cried and we ended up walking down the whole hill.
Libby Piper [00:04:44]: But now I love snowboarding and I go out on my own. I'm in the ski club at school. I skydive which is kind of shocking because I've always been pretty filled with fear. But he really just encourages me to try things that I wouldn't think I would enjoy. And now this year at school, I'm trying all these different clubs that I don't know if I'm gonna like them, but we'll see.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:06]: And Brian, what was your most memorable experience?
Brian Piper [00:05:09]: Yeah. I mean, just doing experiencing all the activities and just watching the lights come on, you know, when when she finds something that she connects with or that she enjoys, you know, getting her involved in in theater and seeing her up on stage just glowing and, you know, just loving the audience and the reaction and the interaction. We've been skydiving together numerous times over the last year and a half, and, it's just so great to see her in in free fall just with a huge smile on her face and just having so much fun and just so excited. So that's the most encouraging part for me is just watching the lights come on and and things start to click, and she's like, I can do this.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:49]: Now raising kids is not always easy, Brian. And there can be high points. There can be low points, and everything in between. And as you think back to raising your daughter, what was the hardest part in being a father to a daughter?
Brian Piper [00:06:03]: I think, you know, and this applies to, being married as well. It's listening without judging and also without trying to help. And I know you've talked about this on previous episodes as well. We wanna fix things. We wanna solve problems. And a lot of times, they just want someone to empathize and to listen and to know that they're going through challenging things. And when I start throwing out ideas, well, you could do this or you could do this. It's like, no.
Brian Piper [00:06:27]: I don't wanna do that. I just want you to know that I'm I'm experiencing anxiety or fear or pain, and, you know, I just want you to empathize with me. So that's a big difference between, you know, boys and girls. You mentioned we have 6 kids between my wife and I. There's 5 boys, 1 girl. So it's very different providing that parenting and that emotional support for girls is much more challenging, but also much more rewarding. Because you give the answer to the boys, and they're like, oh, okay. You know? And they go do it.
Brian Piper [00:06:56]: And you give it to to Libby, and and she thinks about it and processes it and comes back with her thoughts on it.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:02]: I don't know if I agree with you. Maybe that's a nice way of saying it.
Brian Piper [00:07:05]: Yeah. A lot of that.
Libby Piper [00:07:06]: Yeah. No. It happened just the other day. I think I can't remember. I was complaining about something. I don't remember what I was complaining about. But I vase I went to him and I I think my legs hurt or something. This was like 2 days ago, but I was like I don't feel good.
Libby Piper [00:07:21]: My legs hurt. And he's like well did you take something? I'm like no. Just just just tell me you're sorry. And he's like, I'm sorry you guys are. I'm like, thank you. That's all I wanted. He's like, I know.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:32]: So Libby, give us some advice here because I think a lot of dads go right to the fixing, and that being able to be on the other opposite end when you're raising daughters and being able to hear and listen and not always fix is not always the go to modality that we go to. So as someone that has grown up with a father that likes to fix, what are some things that you might say to other dads that also do the same thing when it comes to connecting with their daughters?
Libby Piper [00:08:07]: I think it really depends on the situation and what you're trying to fix because sometimes I'll have a problem and I'm, like, completely shut down to it, and I don't think there's a solution, and I'm just, like, upset about it. And he'll come in and be like, well, you can do this. And I am not in the mood to change things. I am not in the mood to fix things. I can't process that right now. I don't wanna deal with that right now. Just don't fix things right now. But I think if I'm explaining a situation and he has ideas to fix things, I think just before shouting them out and before just being like, oh, here's the solution.
Libby Piper [00:08:42]: Here's why I have the answer to your problem. I think that's a big thing about it. It's like, oh, I have the answer to your no. Do you do you know the problem in its entirety or do you you're just wanting to help. You just wanna make it better and I know that. But I think before you give me the solution that you have, maybe ask me if I'm open to hearing solutions or like if I'm ready to hear a solution. Because a lot of times I'll say 8 times that time. The solution he gives me is very helpful, but I'm just not always open to hearing it in that moment.
Libby Piper [00:09:14]: So I think that the solution is helpful, but I'm just not always ready to hear it at that moment. So sometimes I need a second of empathy just before I hear the solution.
Brian Piper [00:09:25]: And you've given that advice on your show before, Chris, is to ask sometimes. I do this with my I find myself doing this with my wife now more too. It's like, do you want a solution? Do you want some, you know, ideas about ways to solve this or not? So that's been very helpful from the podcast for me.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:39]: Well, I appreciate that. And and I can't take credit for that because a previous guest did bring that up to me, an author from out on the West Coast and she said in her practice of being a psychologist and working with dads, that's one of the pieces of advice that she gave is to talk to your daughters from the very beginning and saying, is this a listening conversation or a fixing conversation? And I wish I had started that at a very young age with my daughters. Because if I went and said that to my daughters now, they'd probably look at me like I was an alien and been like, what have you been reading? Because that's just weird. Now doesn't mean that it still can't work, like you said, Brian, in trying to incorporate some new language into the processes that you have with your own wife, but you may still get some strange looks along the way. And that's okay. That's okay. It's a process of, of learning and getting better. So that's what this is.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:33]: That's what it's all about. Now, I know you both just talked about the fact that some of the memories that you've had, you've been able to do some things that may have pushed you, Libby, but also things that you enjoy doing Brian. So let's talk about the skydiving because I know Libby, you said skydiving was not something you ever thought that you would do, but that you ended up doing it with your dad. So talk to me about that experience. What led you up to wanting to do that when you said that you were fearful and that you were willing to go and do it and what was the experience like?
Libby Piper [00:11:04]: I really grew up around skydiving. So I grew up with a pretty good, like, understanding of the safety of it. Whereas other people look at it and they're like, oh my god. What are you doing? You're gonna die. And I grew up watching him skydive and obviously he's a pretty big role model so obviously I was gonna try it. There's there's kind of this like expectation, I think, with all of us all of us kids that we will try skydiving. Some of us have so far and some of us haven't. But I knew I was gonna try it at least.
Libby Piper [00:11:35]: But I have dealt with anxiety a lot before and just like that spiral thinking. And I remember being in the car with him on the way to AFF, which was like my skydiving training. And I was gonna do my first jump all by myself and I was so scared because I was like, who is letting me do this? What how am I just like allowed to go and jump out of a plane on my own, just responsible for myself? How is that possible? I do not have the capability to do this. This is not something I can do. And we, like, slowed things down and we would, like, talk through all my emergency stuff and, he's been doing this forever. Mostly. And it was kind of just like that first push. And I feel like that's typically how I work for the most part.
Libby Piper [00:12:31]: It's like that anxiety leading up to the thing is always so much worse than actually doing it because I do it now and I love it. And always in the plane, I'm always anxious and I will turn to my dad and I will walk him through my entire jump step by step before we go and get out of the plane because I'm still anxious about it. Like I still realize that it's not a completely safe activity but I feel a lot more safe definitely because I can do it with him. And I think it's an even more important hobby to me because I can do it with him. I think that's one of my favorite things about it is that it's something that is really special for both of us and I love that.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:11]: So one of the questions that I would ask because you were just were talking about dealing with anxiety, and I think that a lot of kids today deal with mental health issues in their own ways, whether it's anxiety, whether it's depression. There's there's a lot of things that they that compound upon themselves, and parents sometimes are at a loss to how best to support their children as they're struggling through things like that. And I don't know if you're willing to talk about it, but I would love to get your perspective on for someone that has dealt with anxiety and mental health issues in that way, how has your dad supported you through that? What has he done well? And what should other fathers do to be able to support their kids if they are struggling with similar such issues?
Libby Piper [00:13:59]: I think, like, we were talking about earlier is just one of the big thing is, like, listening and just like being quiet for a second and like sitting with those thoughts. And then he typically helps me realize that most of those thoughts I'm like creating for myself. Like I'm creating that anxiety for myself. So we'll go through in a lot of situations, not skydiving because that's a little bit of a worst case scenario there. But I've done public speaking and I'll get really anxious beforehand and he'll talk me through. He's like, okay, what is the worst possible outcome? Like, okay, it's this. He's like, is that really that bad? No. Okay.
Libby Piper [00:14:36]: So what's the best possible outcome? This. That's pretty great and so it's kind of finding that middle ground. What do you think is the worst thing? Do you think that is actually going to happen? Most of the time it's not. Most of the time that's a pretty small chance and it's kinda just like working backwards from your anxiety and then getting yourself back to that clear headspace which is is sometimes a really hard thing to do. But I think the longer you sit with it and the longer you talk about it and the more, like, interested in listening you are, the easier that is to kind of rewind yourself.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:12]: So it sounds like your dad's been able to provide you with a lot of tools, a lot of things to be able to not only process things, but also to set yourself up for the path that you're on now. What are some of the things that that Brian did to be able to help you to not only get on that path, but to become the woman that you're becoming today?
Libby Piper [00:15:33]: I think one of the biggest things, again, like I said earlier, is to try everything. To just, like, put yourself out there so you can find opportunities for other things. He's big about finding opportunities and opportunity seeking. And I think now for me, that's a big part of who I am. I will go out and look for certain things and find situations that are gonna be the best for me, find the people who are gonna be the best for me. So I think I'm pretty good at looking for those opportunities and recognizing them. I think the anxiety and dealing with the anxiety is a big thing. It was hard for me at school, and the transition from high school to college last year was really difficult for me.
Libby Piper [00:16:19]: So he gave me the advice, him and my stepmom, to just take things one step at a time instead of like looking at the day as like, just one day. It's just like, okay, we're gonna get out of bed now. We're gonna step out of the bed, and then we're gonna get dressed, and then we're gonna walk out of my door, do this, do this, like very very breaking it, like breaking it down so much that it's no longer this big scary unknown and it's, oh, I've walked downstairs before. Okay. I can do that. Let's walk down the stairs. And doing that to, like, get yourself out of bed and to find those opportunities.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:55]: And, Brian, reflect on what Libby just said there. What does that mean to you in what you're hearing?
Brian Piper [00:17:00]: Yeah. It's, you know, it's the same thing we do when we're teaching someone to skydive is you have to break it down into just the individual steps so they're not looking at the whole like, they don't keep in the front of their mind that they're gonna be leaving the plane and, you know, just now you're just taking one more step and one more step, and then you're, you know and I think along that whole process, just encouraging them to believe in themselves and to understand, like, that they have more capability than they think they do, and their self doubt is preventing them from seeing how capable and how strong and how innovative and intelligent they are. But once they start doing that and they start learning, I mean, kids are just sponges. They just soak up knowledge so quickly. And once they get a hold of something, you know, then they just grow so quickly. So I think that's important to to keep the focus really small on individual things that are easy to accomplish. And then that way, it leads towards accomplishing those bigger goals and finding those opportunities.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:02]: Now, Brian, you mentioned that you've got 6 kids between you and your wife with 5 boys, 1 girl. There's a lot of stuff happening in that household. And so I guess reflect on being a father of 6, and I know you're a busy guy as well. So talk to me about balance and how have you been able to balance being a professional, a father, and everything else that you want to be in your life and being able to show up and being able to be present still in the lives of your kids?
Brian Piper [00:18:35]: Well and I think so much of that is really comes down to who who you've chosen to be your partner Because I know my wife is a huge advocate for transparency and honesty. And, you know, whenever things start getting out of balance or, you know, if I'm traveling too much for work or if I'm doing too many activities on the weekends and not doing enough family stuff, we have a very open communication network between all of us in the family where we can just say to each other, you know, we really need you here for this, or, you know, you're doing a little more of this than you should be. And I think just having that communication, because I get in my head, oh, I can do everything. And I have passed that on to my children who I can do all of it. I can do all the things and be very active. And and sometimes someone just has to be able to say, you may be overextending yourself. You may be taking on too much. Think about what you can bring into balance by saying no to some things.
Brian Piper [00:19:33]: I think having that open communication and being able to talk about things. So when people feel like they're being they're not getting as much time as they would like, you can talk about that.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:43]: And talk to me also about with 6 kids. You've had 6 different personalities, 6 different individuals with 6 different needs. And I'm not even talking about your wife because that's number 7, but let's talk about your kids. And how did you, as they have been growing up, build those unique relationships with each one of them that you have to do as you are parenting.
Brian Piper [00:20:08]: Yeah. And I think a lot of that comes down to making a point of spending time with each of them individually and having that one on one connection, whether it's, you know, I mean, teaching them how to drive 1 on 1, you're in the car with them for hours at a time. By finding opportunities to talk to them just about their life in general and ask them questions. And not just, like, trying to get into what they're doing every minute of the day questions, but really asking them, well, you know, how did that make you feel, And and why did you like that? And, you know, things that get deeper into kind of their emotions and their thoughts versus just, you know, what they've been up to in their activities. But, yeah, it's definitely a challenge when you, you know, switch from, you know, 1 on 1 to zone defense. You know? There's only so much that you can do. We really make a point of trying to have family dinners where we all sit down and we all share. And, you know, those are some of my favorite times.
Brian Piper [00:21:08]: We're just just laughing and having fun and being goofy and silly with each other. I think that's critical as well.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:14]: Now professionally, I know, Brian, you've been working as a marketer, as a content expert, as someone that really knows artificial intelligence working within higher education, at this point. And and I know you've got a brand new podcast that's talking about AI in higher education as well. And I wanna talk a little bit about social media, AI, and parenting as well because as a con as someone that has been working in this area, I'm sure you have some thoughts about there's a lot of concerns right now about social media, social media use, incorporating that, or having kids being able to be having that as a part of their lives, but then also with AI now and incorporating that into school and good case usage, and when can they use it, when can't they use it. And it was a lot to unpack there. But as you think about the work that you're doing to aid higher education and in people with these type of struggles that they're having in their own organizations. As you think about as a parent and as we're struggling with these, what do you say what would you say to other parents as we're looking at social media or AI and talking to our kids about these things and helping them to maneuver in this ever changing space?
Brian Piper [00:22:29]: Well, I think I think you actually just said it, Chris, is is talking to your kids about these things. Because, you know, among our six different kids, we have wide ranges of social media usage. We have wide ranges of thoughts about AI. As you know, I'm a big proponent of AI, but my conversations with Libby make me think very, carefully about the ethical uses of AI. I mean, there's some great ways that it can help us to be more human and more authentic and not just replace, you know, tasks that we're doing or get rid of jobs that we have that actually lead to more complicated jobs. If we have AI doing everything that entry level lawyers do, how are we gonna get more experienced lawyers who are gonna be able to do the more complicated things that AI can't do? And that's the same in in higher ed and in research and every job field. So it's really about trying to understand their opinions and their thoughts and not just dismiss those, but really think about, yeah, you got a good point there, and we shouldn't be doing this with these tools. And, you know, these tools do cause a lot of anxiety and stress and social issues.
Brian Piper [00:23:40]: So let's look at how we can use this technology in a a practical way, but also in a ethical, moral way that's gonna elevate humanity and not just make us lazy people with it sit around and let the robots do all the work.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:54]: And, Libby, as you hear your dad talk about that, what is your reaction, and what would you say to parents?
Libby Piper [00:24:01]: I think he kinda hit the nail on the head. I think all of my siblings and I have very different opinions on these things. And like he said, some of us use social media more, some of us use it less. Some of us are really interested in how AI works and some of us just find it like very scary and I find it more scary. I feel like there's a lot of negative uses. So I think that most of our conversation around AI is I'm afraid of this because of x y z, and this is why it scares me, and this is why it's not all like, oh, this is cool that these people have, like, a high functioning robot in their house. Like, this is a little scary. This is a little, like, apocalyptic almost and it freaks me out. Especially like being like an environmental major see a lot of scenarios that end badly and so that's hard for me to come to terms with or a lot of our conversation around the dinner table will be about AI and so it's sometimes like hard for me to
Libby Piper [00:24:56]: listen to around the dinner table will be about AI. And so it's sometimes like hard for me to listen to that and be like, oh yeah, this is great. Oh yeah, let's keep talking about this because I'll be sitting over there. Oh, this is a little scary. But I think we do a pretty good job of talking about this and we were just in the car the other day and I was telling him like, oh, I don't think this is ethical. Actually taking it in and I can see him actually taking it in which makes me feel more validated and makes me feel like I'm not just like being crazy about it, which is very helpful to me. So I think he's pretty good about listening to how we all feel about it. And to my brothers who are like, oh, wait, tell me more about this.
Libby Piper [00:25:34]: Like, tell me how I can use this. And he's pretty good about seeing our individual point of views.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:40]: Well, there's so many ways in which AI touches our lives that some people don't even realize. So I've been having conversations at my own workplace about the use of AI in applying to college. And the questions that arise are you've get you've got some people that say you can't use it at all in the application. But then I say, well, what about Grammarly? Is someone able to grammar check what they've written and use Grammarly for that? What about spell check? That's an AI. You know, there's different pieces like that that makes it very gray and the ethical concerns are out there. And I think that it is important to have these conversations with our kids to be able to help them to think about things and make their own decisions about it in the end. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I typically ask questions of dads, but because I've got both of you here, both of you are gonna get some questions. So first and foremost, Libby, in one word, what is fatherhood?
Libby Piper [00:26:41]: I'd say encouragement.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:42]: And Brian? Rewarding. Now, Libby, when was a time that you would say that Brian succeeded at being a father to you?
Libby Piper [00:26:51]: I think my mind just goes back to skydiving really and being able to share those experiences together. And I think when I was telling him about my anxiety, he told me that he feels anxiety about it too. Like, it's not just me. He still feels it at how many years have you been skydiving?
Brian Piper [00:27:12]: 34 years.
Libby Piper [00:27:13]: 34 years of skydiving. He still feels that anxiety, and it's a completely valid feeling. He never invalidates my feelings. He always tells me, like, it's understandable that you feel this way, but you don't need to. And so I think that for all the time that I'm fearful, he's a very good father and helps me get out of that.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:31]: And, Brian, when was the time that you feel that you finally succeeded at being a father to a daughter?
Brian Piper [00:27:36]: Anytime I watch my kids face challenges and then make good decisions or overcome things, and particularly with Libby last summer, 2 summers ago, when she was studying in Spain, she was so far away. It's her first, like, time kind of really on her own. And, you know, we were calling each other, and she was calling me, and she was super sad, and she was homesick, and she was feeling a lot of anxiety. But we were just able to talk through it. I listened a lot. I did give her some tried to give her some helpful resources that she could use. And I knew that if she just hung on and just waited it out and just let herself kind of adapt to the situation, that she was fully capable of turning the situation around, which she did. And she ended up having a fantastic time and loved it so much that she wants to go back.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:25]: Now, Libby, if I was to talk to you and your brothers, how would you describe your dad?
Libby Piper [00:28:31]: I'd say motivated or encourages us to, like, motivate ourselves, and I think we could all agree.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]: Now, Brian, who inspires you to be a better dad?
Brian Piper [00:28:41]: My mom and my wife, for sure, and then my father as well, and and mostly my kids. It's means everything to me to watch them doing well and to watch them have fun, and it's great.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:52]: Now we've talked about a lot of different things, things within your own relationship, things that you both learned in the relate in the in the fatherhood journey that, Ryan, that you're on, and and I'm gonna say that through the childhood that you've had, Libby, into adulthood now. Libby, if there was one piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad, what would that be?
Libby Piper [00:29:11]: Find ways to individually connect with your daughter and to really seek out one on one time and to just genuinely spend as much time as you can together because that time creates memories and just creates a general oneness for each other. And I tell everyone, my dad is, like, my best friend, and I just really enjoy spending time with him and doing things with him. So I think that makes our relationship a lot better.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:39]: And Brian?
Brian Piper [00:29:39]: Yeah. I'd say just enjoy every minute of it and laugh and have fun, and it's gonna change so fast. And, you know, they're gonna be off on their own before you know it. But also set goals and give yourself priorities so that you're you know, while you're having fun, you're still always taking those small steps towards a bigger goal that you've set for yourself.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:00]: Well, I appreciate both of you being here today. Brian, Libby, thank you for your time, for sharing your journey. I know it is not over. It it continues on a day to day basis. If people wanna find out more about you, Brian, where should they go?
Brian Piper [00:30:15]: Go to brianwpiper.com, or you can find me on most social channels at Brian w Piper.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:20]: Well, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here, and I wish you both the best.
Brian Piper [00:30:24]: Thanks so much for having us, Chris. This was great.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:26]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the dads with daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along, and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step roadmaps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together dot org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the dads with daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared to helping you raise strong and powered daughters and be the best dad that you can be.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:24]: We're all in the same boat, And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.
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