Dads With Daughters w/ Dr. Christopher Lewis

Fatherhood is a journey filled with an array of unique challenges and rewarding moments. In the Dads with Daughters podcast, guest Steve Steele sheds light on his personal journey as a father of four, offering insightful perspectives and valuable advice. From embracing the differences in raising daughters and sons to balancing work as a coach and family life, Steve shares his experiences and the lessons he has learned along the way.

Embracing Differences in Raising Sons and Daughters

Steve starts by highlighting the differences he observed in raising his son, Simon, and his daughters, Gianna and Shay. He emphasizes that each child is unique, showcasing distinct interests and needs. As a coach, Steve acknowledges the importance of engaging with his children's individual passions, even if they differ from his own. He underlines the significance of being a playful father, actively participating in activities that resonate with his daughters, thus fostering a supportive and understanding environment.

Parental Presence and One-on-One Time

The significance of one-on-one time with each child resonates throughout Steve's narrative. Given the demands of a coaching career and the challenges of raising four children, finding dedicated time for each child becomes essential. Steve emphasizes both physical and emotional presence, acknowledging that being mentally and emotionally available for his children is as important as being physically present. He shares the value of carving out time for individual interactions, aiming to create meaningful connections and memories with each of his children.

The Impact of Strong Family Foundations

An essential aspect of Steve's journey as a father is the strong foundation built within his family. He recognizes the immense support and understanding of his spouse, highlighting the significance of effective communication and shared responsibilities. Steve acknowledges the mutual respect and cooperation between partners, emphasizing the importance of showing love and support in front of their children. By fostering a strong marital relationship, he aims to provide his children with a positive example of love, understanding, and collaboration.

Work-Life Balance and Role Modeling

Balancing a demanding career in coaching with family life presents unique challenges, particularly during the football season. Steve discusses the importance of disconnecting from work-related responsibilities upon returning home, ensuring undivided attention towards his family. He underscores the significance of being emotionally available for his children, setting an example by expressing his emotions and demonstrating a respectful, loving relationship with his spouse.

Lessons from Steve: Presence and Love

Steve's journey as a father is a testament to the power of love, presence, and understanding. His experiences and insights exemplify the vital role that fathers play in shaping their children's lives. Through his dedication to being present, fostering individual connections, and promoting a strong familial foundation, Steve encapsulates the essence of fatherhood, serving as an inspiration for dads navigating similar paths.

As fathers, the lessons learned from Steve Steele's journey serve as guiding principles, emphasizing the significance of establishing strong relationships, fostering individual connections, and prioritizing presence and love in creating a nurturing environment for children. Steve's wisdom allows us to embrace the joys and challenges of fatherhood, reminding us that love, understanding, and presence are pivotal elements in nurturing and raising children to become strong, independent individuals.

In conclusion, the wisdom imparted by Steve Steele provides invaluable insights into the multifaceted journey of fatherhood, inspiring fathers to navigate this path with love, dedication, and a profound commitment to being present for their children.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love being able to have a conversation with you, to sit down with you, to the Walk with you on this path that you're on to raise those strong, independent women that you want your daughters to become in the future. And every week, It is definitely such a great opportunity for me to be able to work with you on this journey because all of our journeys are just a little bit different. The way that we father is different, and that's okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:55]: There's not one right way to father. We learn that every week through the people that come on the show, and I hope that you learn it from the dads that you are talking to in your own communities And that you talk to on a daily basis because it is important to have community, to build community, to the Create that community for yourself. Now every week, I love being able to have different guests on the show that are walking this journey in a little bit different way. And this week, we got another great guest with us. Steve Steele is with us today, and Steve is a father of 4. He's a teacher. He's a coach.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:32]: He's doing a lot of different things, and his football team just won the championships in, in North Dakota. So we're excited about that as well. And we're gonna be talking to him about the journey that he's been on with his kids, and I'm really just excited to have him here today. Steve, thanks so much for being here today.

Steve Steele [00:01:51]: Thanks for having me on. Always great to talk about parenting and, you know, how we can make our daughters' lives as good as they can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:57]: Well, I really appreciate you being here. And first and foremost, I know you have 4 kids and I love the the show by being able to turn the clock back in time. And so I wanna turn the clock all the way back to that first moment that you found out you're going to be a dad To a daughter. What was going through your head?

Steve Steele [00:02:12]: I didn't find out until she was born. We didn't find out on any of our 4 kids. We had our our boy, Simon, first. He's 6 now. And then, our second one was was Gianna, and, you know, we we actually were kinda stressing about names. You know, we had 2 boys' names picked out when we got married, and we had no girls' names. So, so it was Kind of one of those, soon as they told us it was a girl, and then we met her, then, we kinda had to figure out a name. So we ended up going with Gianna, and we loved that name, and then we and we obviously

Steve Steele [00:02:39]: Loved her ever since. And then, same thing on that third one then, with Shay. Shay's our our 2nd daughter, and then ended up with Seth as our 4th, our little boy. So we've got Boy, girl, girl, boy. And, you know, like I said, it's it's never been so much of a preparation in terms of it being a girl or a boy because we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. We just the a healthy baby, and, we're blessed to have 4 of them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:01]: So as you said, 4 kids. You started with a boy, 2 girls, a boy. Talk to me about what you've learned along the way and some of the differences you've seen in going the From being a dad to a son to then being a dad to 2 daughters and now a son again. So what have you had to do differently in the way that you father As you became a father to a daughter.

Steve Steele [00:03:26]: I think, honestly, this is one of those things where your 1st kid and I think everyone kinda says this. Your 1st kid, you're You're trying to be ultra prepared in all these things, and then, yeah, you have the 1st kid and kinda regardless boy or girl, you those books don't really tell you a whole lot once you you're faced with, raising this kid. And and, you know, I think that was a really good thing for us to understand was that, hey, you know, no matter how well you prepare, the You you can't be fully prepared to to drive home from the hospital with that beautiful baby, and then going into having a daughter, you know, everything was just Little bit different. You know, I think baby wise, I don't know that there's people that'll say it's one way. It's it's a little easier to sleep or not easier to the based off of boy or girl. I don't know that we found that.

Steve Steele [00:04:05]: But, you know, once they kinda got into that playful age, you know, once they get into the the 2 year olds and stuff like that, then it it's definitely been a little bit different. So I think our boy, obviously, way more right into sports wanting to be like dad and do all these things, and our our the was way more into princesses and everything else. And as a coach, being able to embrace that side and not just be like, well, no. You know, we're only gonna do this, the You know, I'm gonna go play with Simon because I like sports more, which, obviously, I like sports more than princesses, but but still being able to to just go and be the playful dad and and and do the the that she enjoys doing. I think that's been the hardest and most important part to keep tabs on, I think, as you get older.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:43]: It is important. It's important to be able to the Be engaged in the things that, as you said, your kids are really excited about. And it may not be the things that you're excited about, But you can get them to be excited about the things that you're excited about in many different ways. And as you said, the Being a father makes you push yourself in many different directions, and you should be pushing yourself to be able to be engaged in that way. The Now you talked about the fact that your daughter does enjoy some of the girl things, some of the, you know, the Barbies or the dolls, the princess aspects, You know, things like that. But each of your kids is completely unique.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:21]: Talk to me about how you've had to work the To develop those unique relationships with each of your children. Also, the fact that you have a role where, the Especially during the fall, you're gonna be really busy. So how do you build those unique relationships to make sure that your kids know the That you are engaged and you are connected to them individually versus collectively.

Steve Steele [00:05:46]: That's honestly been one of the biggest Challenges, I guess, as we've had. 1 from 1 to 2, and 2 to 3, and 3 to 4 is finding that kind of 1 on 1 time. You know, I think everybody the In the mornings, it's mayhem. Everyone's running around, getting dressed, and all that, and bedtime can be kinda similar. So I think finding the times to do things that she likes to do, and, you know, with our 2 year old Shay now, kinda she's starting to get to that age where we're looking to do things that she likes to do now too, you know, because she can have her own interest At this point and then just finding the time to to do them whether or not you wanna do them. You know, I think that's a a common parent thing where you get so tired, obviously, with babies, Especially where you're used to not sleeping, and you obviously got your jobs and all that, where it can be tempting to just get home and and wanna relax, And kinda try and shut the kids out and be like, no. No. I'm tired.

Steve Steele [00:06:30]: I wanna do this, or I need to do that. And really just putting that aside and putting the kids first and doing whatever it is that they wanna do Because ultimately, that's how they're gonna know you care and that you love them because you're, you know, the I think they probably still understand. Okay. He's tired. Maybe he had a bad day at work or whatever else. If you're willing to put that aside and and and do what the kids wanna do, then they're gonna understand that you love them and care for them and and ultimately that they're important in your life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:53]: So one of the things that I'd be interested in learning a little bit more about for you is as you you you did start with a son. You've moved into being a father of 2 daughters. And what have you found so far has been the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter?

Steve Steele [00:07:10]: I think the hardest part in a lot of ways is Probably, you know, when they choose things, it it is I mean, again, I I like the Disney movies. My Little Pony is a is a very big favorite of the girls right now, and Super Kitties. And And there are just some shows where I mean, it's it's hard to to want to be interested in some of them. And, you know, the books, we're really big readers, you know, with our family. I think that the Both are that was another big thing that my wife and I were very important on is trying to make sure that they've read a 1,000 books by kindergarten. They have a program here at our local library that all of our the Kids have now done. And then, you know, it really allows you to learn what they like and kinda see the different interests that they have through what books they choose at the library.

Steve Steele [00:07:48]: And My Little Pony's just kinda been one, and, Fancy Nancy is another one where the girls really, really enjoy those, and, you know, obviously, again, it's you you read sportsbooks or my son's into Star Wars, and Those are a little bit easier for me to get into when you're reading to them, but really just diving in and and making it being goofy, being silly, and And and kinda making sure that you're having just as much fun reading those books can be a challenge at times. So finding the ways to to kinda let yourself out of that box of What you feel like you might enjoy, and and just being goofy and and having fun with the girls the way that they need to have fun too is is been a challenge, but it's something that I think's Been very rewarding for for both myself and my daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:26]: Now as a coach, in a lot of ways, you are a mentor, you are a dad To many other people in many different ways and how you have to work with the people on your team to be able to get them to the Accomplish what you're hoping for them to accomplish and to work together. How has being a coach helped you In the way that you father.

Steve Steele [00:08:50]: You know, I would almost argue it's the opposite in that, you know, really having kids has has made me a better coach. Just in that sense that, you know, I think the the the schematic side of of coaching is is something that you're gonna get from from playing that sport or whatnot, and obviously, from your coaching mentors and all that kind of stuff. But, you know, when you have your own kids and and you You have that love and that caring that it's you really can't understand until you have your own. I mean, then all of a sudden when you're coaching kids, you're you're coaching other peoples. You know that what they love, and they've loved forever, and will love forever. And I think that really kinda changed my my mentality of a lot of ways, and I think that's changed, the My philosophy of coaching a little bit just in that sense that it does make you really focus on the person first, and focus on the good kids and giving them the experience that I would want for my own kids. And, you know, I think that my kids are are fortunate.

Steve Steele [00:09:37]: They get to be around the team a lot. You know, all season long, they they're ending up at practice the here and there. One's at one thing, then the rest will be at practice or or vice versa. And the the kids love having them around, and I think it goes both ways in the sense that they also See me being a dad, and understand that, hey, I'm a football coach, but right now my kids are here, and we're not just gonna leave them, and they're gonna be equally as involved as the everybody else because they're here right now, and, you know, some of the the kids do great jobs having fun with our kids, you know, whenever they're at practice, and managers do an awesome jobs with the kids. And the All of our other coaches have kids too, and a lot of them are at practice. So it's a very family friendly atmosphere and, you know, something that I hope benefits the kids as they Obviously, graduate, go on, and and then have families of their own, but also something that I think really benefits our own kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:22]: Let's talk a little bit more about the That life work balance because I think that that's challenging for many dads. And as I said, you're a busy guy. You've got a lot of things going on, especially during the football season. And, you know, you're gonna be pulled away from your family in many different ways. And with kids being young, that's not always an easy thing to understand. So Talk to me about what you've had to do to be able to have that balance, to be engaged in that way that you want to be engaged even when you're being pulled away the In that fall term where you're in that football season.

Steve Steele [00:10:54]: Yeah. You know, I think this is probably the most important thing, and by no means am I remotely perfect on this. I know I can always be better But, you know, finding ways to disconnect from your phone. I mean, I think that's a huge and important thing where, you know, especially, again, in the coaching world that you're gonna go home, and you're gonna get text From parents and kids and players and coaches and everybody else with questions, some of them are important questions that that need to be answered, some of them are not. I think the the most important thing that we we're trying to do is just put that phone on do not disturb until the kids go to bed. Whenever I get home, it's, you know, hey. This is their time. I've no my time at work.

Steve Steele [00:11:26]: I've spent my time at practice. So the kids are gonna go to bed at 7:30, 8 o'clock. They're still young. So if you get home at 6, the giving them that dedicated 2 hours is important. You don't want them to see them for the 2 hours a day that you get to see them where they're seeing you on your phone. So really just making sure that when I am home, the My attention is on them. And like we said, we're trying to find the 1 on 1 time. You know, usually, we kinda let 1 of them stay up after bedtime of the rest of them to kinda spend some of that 1 on 1 time

Steve Steele [00:11:51]: Just so that we do get some every week, but, you know, otherwise then once they're all in bed and everyone's happy, then you can try and get back to the phone and and answer some of those questions if they're there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:00]: Talk to me a little bit about a lot of times this goes down to this goes down to the fact that you have to have a strong foundation the in your family to be able to support your kids and allow for your kids to be able to see that strong foundation too. You talk about the fact that you and your wife are working hard to be able the connect and to help your kids to be strong, but you've got young kids. And having young kids definitely can cause a lot of stress too. And while you're trying to create those strong relationships with your own daughters, you also have to maintain a strong relationship the Inside your family with your significant other. So what have you had to do to be able to maintain that strong relationship with your spouse even when it's stressful, When you're busy, you're being pulled out. When you've got the demands of 4 kids that are all needing something a little bit different. Yeah.

Steve Steele [00:12:52]: I mean, first and foremost, I mean, my wife's a champ. I mean, she's Know the right way to describe it, but nothing would function without her. Coaches' wives are so heroic in what they do and and being able to the the household when we are gone for those extended periods. And I think the important part is then recognizing and and celebrating that and then understanding, hey. There's gonna be days where she's had a bad day at work or Dads with She's not feeling it, and and you've gotta be able to put pick up that slack. And, you know, and I I think we do a great job of communicating for the most part. Obviously, that's a Doug.

Steve Steele [00:13:20]: A huge part of all relationships in life is communicating and having the correct expectations, and that can only be done through communication. But then, you know, just again, not being afraid to ask help. Thursday night or a day that we're having a tough time, then communicating that and understanding that, hey, it's okay. I'm gonna have to pick this up, and that's okay, because, you know, there's gonna be the days where that's me and She's gonna do the same thing for me, so I just think that's probably the most important part. Is again, just having that complete open communication, and, Dom. Making sure that we're always on the same page of what needs to happen and what our needs are as spouses for each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:52]: So important and definitely something that's not always easy, But you have to keep communicating. You have to keep talking. You have to make sure that you're on the same page because as your kids get older, they will test that, the And they will definitely put kind of make you kind of go 1 to 1. I've had that happen many times where the One of my well, my daughter will say, well, mom said this, and I go back to mom and mom says, I never said that. That's not what I said. So we always have to personally, in our family, we always have to go back and we have to check-in and say, okay. Did you really say this before I answer my daughter? I'm going to make sure about that. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:37]: Are you ready? Yes. The In one word, what is fatherhood?

Steve Steele [00:14:40]: Love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]: Now when was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter.

Steve Steele [00:14:46]: This last weekend, we took our girls, again, trying to find some of the more 1 on 1 time and my wife's turn, and and we took them to Disney on Ice. We kinda had the girls go there and the boys go somewhere else, and we kinda put this together, obviously, kind of as a little family trip where we did some things, but really hearing them talk about it afterwards and just seeing that the raw, unbridled, the excitement from them, Docs Really just one of those things where, you know, that there is and then obviously, you know, from the wife understanding that, you know, seeing some of the pictures she got to take and and hearing her recollection of everything. I mean, that's what it's about. You know, you created some special moments that weekend, and it's as much as, you know, I wanna be involved, obviously, in all those moments, it's Equally important for my wife to be able to have those same moments with our daughters. So just very recently fresh in my mind, one that comes to mind and Very, very special weekend.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:35]: Now if I was to talk to your kids, and I know not all your kids are talking right now, but if I were to talk to your kids, How would they describe you as a dad?

Steve Steele [00:15:43]: They call me a coach, and they call me goofy. You know, I think, very, very rarely. I get trouble from mom too from being goofy at times. I'm definitely not a strict disciplinarian. I'd say I'm very, very fun and and kinda goofy around the kids a lot more than I am. If I'm getting after them, then they know that the The lines have been crossed, and they need to settle down because I'll I'll play with them just about as long as they are allowed to play.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:04]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Steve Steele [00:16:06]: Honestly, my parents, I don't know that I could have asked for a greater example in life, both of them, really. I mean, they sacrificed so much to give me at least the opportunity to No. Every single interest that I had. I think I was interested in sports. I was interested in music. Whatever it was, I mean, they made sure that I was able to try it despite Despite all the challenges that come along from that from their end and just seeing the example they set of of what a loving marriage and couple should look like, just something that again, I I know it's benefited me in my own life, Just a constant thing to look up to and and hope that I can live up to.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:36]: Now you've talked about your own experience. You've shared some advice that you have learned along the way. As we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice that you'd wanna give to every dad?

Steve Steele [00:16:45]: I think so much is be present even not just physically present. Be mentally and emotionally present. It's okay to cry in front of your kids. You know, it's okay for them to see you, experience the emotions that you have. And then just again, I think the other important part that I don't know that I really touched Your relationship with your wife, you know, or or your spouse is is what you're showing them love is. You know, so I mean, if you want them to obviously be looking for that relationship someday, it's it's your job to kind of also show them what a man should look like in a respectful Marriage. So, you know, I think that's another important part.

Steve Steele [00:17:19]: So I think those are the kind of the most important things that I hope I'm getting across to my own kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:24]: Now, Steve, before I finish up today, if people wanna find out more about you and your coaching and your team or anything else about you, where's the best place for them to go?

Steve Steele [00:17:34]: Yeah. We've got our football websites, TFrigsfootball.weebly.com, and that's got all of our football info. My email is [email protected]. Again, always always happy to to the Talk about being a dad or talk football. They can't do too much of either one.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:54]: Well, Steve, thanks so much again for sharing your story today. I truly appreciate it, and I wish you all the best.

Steve Steele [00:18:00]: Thank you very much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:01]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information the that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, the and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together .org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of Fathering Together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:59]: We're all in the same boat, the and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. The the Bring your a game because those kids are growing fast. The the goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, the Carpenters and muscle men get out and be in the world shoes. Domino. Be the best dad you can be!

Dads With Daughters is part of The Dads Podcast Network, powered by DadsSupportingDads.org

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Being a father is a journey full of joy, challenges, and growth. In a recent episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomed guest Tim Cox, a father of two, to discuss the unique experiences and challenges of raising daughters. Their heartfelt conversation touched on various aspects of fatherhood, including creating special moments, balancing work and family, mental health, and nurturing unique connections with each child as they grow. Let's explore some of the key takeaways and insights shared in this insightful episode.

Creating Special Moments and Individualized Experiences

Tim Cox emphasized the importance of spending quality time with his 8-year-old daughter, especially with the arrival of her 3-year-old brother. He and his partner make a conscious effort to create separate and special experiences for each child, recognizing their individual needs and interests. This highlights the significance of fostering unique connections with each child and ensuring that they feel valued and cherished.

Engaging in activities that resonate with each child, such as playing games, being inspired by educational shows like Bluey, and sharing a love for music and creativity, plays a pivotal role in strengthening the bond between father and daughter. These shared experiences lay a strong foundation for building trust, communication, and lasting memories. It's a testament to the power of quality time spent with children, nurturing their emotional well-being and overall development.

Balancing Work and Family

The challenges of balancing work and family are a common concern for many fathers. Tim and Dr. Christopher acknowledged the difficulty of managing professional responsibilities while prioritizing family time. Tim, who works in social media for a university, expressed his struggles with finding a balance and not missing out on creating memorable moments with his daughter.

This resonates with many fathers who strive to provide for their families while also being actively engaged in their children's lives. It underscores the need for open communication with employers, setting boundaries, and making intentional choices to foster a harmonious work-life balance.

Nurturing Emotional Well-Being and Mental Health

Tim Cox's candid discussion about his daughter's anxiety and his own experiences with seeking help for depression sheds light on the importance of addressing mental health within the family dynamic. His openness in discussing anxiety and therapy with his daughter demonstrates the value of normalizing conversations around emotional well-being and seeking professional support when needed.

Moreover, Tim's journey towards seeking help for his mental health highlights the courage and resilience required to navigate personal challenges while also fulfilling the responsibilities of fatherhood. By sharing his experiences, Tim exemplifies the strength in vulnerability and the impact of prioritizing mental wellness for himself and his family.

Evolving Connections with Growing Children

As children grow, their needs, interests, and levels of independence evolve. Dr. Christopher emphasized the ongoing parental relationship as children mature, emphasizing the significance of adapting to these changes and nurturing evolving connections.

Tim's shared experience of deciding whether to prioritize his daughter's emotional distress over work underscores the nuanced decisions fathers face as they support their children's emotional well-being. This highlights the importance of being present, empathetic, and responsive to the dynamic needs of growing children.

Embracing Imperfections and Collective Learning

Tim's advice to other fathers to acknowledge their imperfections and learn from others reflects the humility and willingness to grow as a parent. Fatherhood is indeed a collective learning experience, and the willingness to seek guidance, connect with other fathers, and learn from different perspectives enriches the journey of raising empowered daughters.

In conclusion, "Dads with Daughters" continues to provide valuable insights and resources for fathers, encouraging them to embrace the joys and challenges of parenthood. Tim Cox's thoughtful reflections and experiences highlight the significance of creating special moments, navigating work-life balance, prioritizing mental health, nurturing unique connections with growing children, and fostering a collective approach to parenting. As fathers engage in these conversations and embrace the journey of fatherhood, they play an integral role in shaping the lives of their daughters and creating enduring bonds built on love, support, and understanding.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, the Raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, I love being able to sit down with you, to Talk to you to be on this journey alongside of you. Because as I've told you many times, I've got 2 daughters myself, and I the feel like I'm learning something every day, and I know that you have the same type of path that you're on. And we're at different phases in our daughters' lives, but that doesn't mean we can't learn from each other and we can't support each other along the way. That's why every week I love being able to sit down with you to be able to talk about issues that are sBeing a father is a journey full of joy, challenges, and growth. In a recent episode of "Dads with Daughters," host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomed guest Tim Cox, a father of two, to discuss the unique experiences and challenges of raising daughters. Their heartfelt conversation touched on various aspects of fatherhood, including creating special moments, balancing work and family, mental health, and nurturing unique connections with each child as they grow. Let's explore some of the key takeaways and insights shared in this insightful episode.ometimes the Ones that are not that easy to handle or not that easy to talk about, but sometimes they're lighter issues or things that the We all just deal with in everyday life, but we kinda struggle through it. And I think it's important to Talk about these things to be able to have honest conversations about them so that we can normalize it the And allow for all of us to know that that it's okay. It's okay to talk about these things, to be able to the Engage with other dads about these things, and that's why every week I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that have gone through either being a father to a daughter or have other resources or things that they are doing to support dads. Because we have to be able to ask for the help that we need when we need it, and that's why it's so important that we have these every week. This week, we got another great guest with us. Tim Cox is with us. Tim is a father of 2, and we are gonna be talking about Being a dad to a daughter and what that's been like for him. I'm really excited to have him on. Tim, thanks so much for being here today.

Tim Cox [00:02:14]: . Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be on this.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:17]: Now I will be honest and say that Tim has been a part of the fathering together family for many years. He was one of the the Initial people that was part of our leadership team and helping us with our Facebook communities, helping us with our videos, and helping us to Doc. To really amp up the way in which we were telling our story, so I am excited that we that I'm finally getting him on the show. The And 1st and foremost, Jim, one of the things that I love doing is turning the clock back in time, and I wanna go all the way back to that the moment when you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:50]: What was going through your head?

Tim Cox [00:02:50]: I think I was scared. My daughter is the 8 years old now. I just turned 44 2 days ago. So I was you know, we waited a little later in life. I was 36, I guess, And I was nervous. My wife and I had decided that we weren't going to have children, and we were kind of enjoying our younger days with that. The And then we sort of you know, we had our nieces, and then they started to grow up.

Tim Cox [00:03:14]: And then we were like, okay. You know, maybe we do want kids. And so we decided to have a Dyle, and it was definitely nerve wracking. I was trying to read every book I could find. I was trying to find everything . Possible every resource, talking to people. It was it was a a wild time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:32]: It definitely can be a wild time, especially the As you said, you know, there's no one right way to father, and there's lots of books out there. There's lots of resources out there that you can turn to and other dads that you can turn to as well. Now you talked about having some fear at the beginning of having your daughter. The What would you say has been or is your biggest fear in raising your daughter?

Tim Cox [00:03:57]: Well, I'll go with my my first fear first after she was born, And we were getting ready to leave the hospital, and I carried the car seat upstairs. And I was like, how do I put this tiny thing the in this car seat and secure it safely. And the hospitals were like, well, we can't really help you with this because they wanna make sure that they're backed the up in case there was some kind of accident or anything, so they play it safe. And I remember that was we did all the parenting classes and everything like that, and the That was the first thing that I was like, we didn't talk car seats in the parenting class. This fluffy little kid with the big outfit and stuff on, like, how do we Titan and, you know, the car seat enough, and is this hurting the child and all this stuff. And, you know, at that point, I didn't realize that, like, you don't want anything puffy. Like, you know, my kids the Still don't use jackets and car seats.

Tim Cox [00:04:48]: And so it was all those kind of things. That was, like, the first fear of being a dad or the first, the like moment of confusion. And I remember I was quickly YouTubing videos to try and see what to do with this car seat. And then but when I look at, like, the Big picture. I want to make sure that my daughter and I have a 4 year old son, almost 4 year old son also, the And I wanna make sure that they grow up to be good people, and I wanna make sure that they grow up caring about other people. And that's my biggest fear is what if I'm not doing enough to give them the tools they need to do that. And I think I believe I am doing enough for that, but that's the Probably my biggest fear in life is just what should I be doing better for my kids to make sure that they have everything they need to succeed?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:37]: So I think one of the things that many dads struggle with is, like you said, you want to raise kids that are kind, that give back, that are doing things the To allow for them to be a part of society in many different ways. Talk to me about what you are doing or the have done to be able to

Tim Cox [00:05:58]: do just that. I think we try and read a lot of books that show strong female figures in the books, And we try and have our kids get them give them experiences that put them to give them the ability. Learn about the future and learn what it is to help people and you know? So I think those are, like, the kind of things that we do the most, But still that leaves you to that, am I doing enough? What could I do more?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:24]: And that's never an easy thing to know is the impact that that what you're doing now the And what that impact is going to be 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now. But the little things that you do the Step by step where you may not see an impact right away. You're setting the seed and you're letting it grow. And I think that that's the What's so important for fathers to do is to be consistent and to continue to do the things that you're hoping that they will do in the future. By doing that, as I said, it's planting that seed and it's allowing that to take root. And then as you said, reading books or other things, great concepts, great ideas. Now you now have 2 kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:06]: You have a son and a daughter. And with each of your kids, you have to be able to do what You Can to build those unique relationships because each child is very different. Not only do they have different ages and different stages that they're at, That need different types of bothering in many different ways. What are you doing to be able to build that strong relationship the With your daughter.

Tim Cox [00:07:30]: I try and I try and do things with her, and I think that's really important to do. There's a lot of the jealousy comes in, especially she's 8. He's 3. She had a long time with just mom and dad Until he came around, we would decided we only wanted 1 child for the longest time, and then we were like, well, maybe we'll have a second one. The And that's how, you know, there ended up being a spread out, which I think is the greatest thing is having that spread because she can be you know, help teach him also. So the things I'm teaching her, she's then teaching him. But, you know, we really want to try and make her feel special.

Tim Cox [00:08:12]: So I'll take her somewhere to something that I won't take him. I'll do it during nap to make it easy. My partner does the same. She'll take our daughter to something. I think she's taking her roller skating tonight, and I'll stay home with Jude, my son. And, you know, so I think the big thing is trying to the Separate time and build out time for them to have you as just you.

Tim Cox [00:08:36]: So they're not this the forgotten child or they don't become jointed with their sibling at all times so that they still feel special to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:45]: And are there Specific things that you and your daughter love to do together that are special just for the 2 of you?

Tim Cox [00:08:52]: Yeah. We do. We both play a lot of Silly games. Even just the game Marco Polo typically done in a pool. We play in our driveway. The She always cheats, but it's okay. Suddenly, you know, she'll, like, well, they all freeze, and then you have to, like, walk towards the person with your eyes closed. And somehow, she the Always finds me, and she just says I'm bad at it.

Tim Cox [00:09:14]: But we do stuff like that. You know, she loves playing. One of her favorite shows is the show Bluey, which the is one of my favorite shows too, and I think every parent of a young child that's watched that show loves that show because it's so real. The And we play games from that show that we learn, like Shadowlands, where you can only step on shadows, and we go for walks around the block. She really likes the music, and we've played guitar together. She's not quite there of knowing what she's playing, but she likes to the Make it up, and she likes to make up lyrics to songs. And me being a musician, and I've played in Torden bands and played in bands the My whole life up until the pandemic, basically, was when I kind of took a break from music. You know, it's fun to see that creativity from her the where we have just like a little kid drum set, and she will sit at it and start playing.

Tim Cox [00:10:08]: And sometimes, like, that is a perfect drum beat. The So we have these kind of, like, little things that that we can share that Jude, my son, isn't quite at the age to the Be able to I mean, he bangs on the drums, and he actually does decently on drums too. But he's obviously a 3 year old little tornado running around. The So, you know, my daughter and I, we love to kinda do all these things together that's just kind of us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:36]: It is important, especially when you have kids that Door. Vastly different in ages, and there is that gap. As you said, your daughter had you in her life first, So being able to make sure that there's not animosity there, and we had the same we didn't have as large of a gap, but between our oldest and our youngest, . There always was a little bit of separation, a little bit of animosity that was there that our oldest ended up Dom. Losing that 1 on 1 time in her mind in some aspect, even though we still did many things together just the Between her and us, but it does make a difference, and you have to work hard in that regard. And being a dad is never easy. What would you say has been the hardest Darts. For you in being a father to a daughter.

Tim Cox [00:11:23]: I think the hardest part is probably trying to balance work and life the and time with her. Work obviously takes up a lot of time. Days, I feel like, you know, from morning when I make her breakfast . When I, like, kiss her good night at 9, it's the entire day is is done, and we're kinda running around, and there's all sorts of activities. . So I think it's finding ways to chisel out time to spend is important, and I'm not the best the At work life balance where I do social media for university, and I am sitting there and I will the host things at night, like, 11 o'clock at night. And I'm don't always have the best ability to just, like, turn off and be with the the family at all times, but I'm I really try hard to do that. And I think a lot of dads have that same issue, and I think we're all Doc.

Tim Cox [00:12:20]: Kind of in the same boat, and a lot of times we'll, you know, act like we're always able always there, you know, because everyone puts the best the Image forward on social media, but we're all in kind of the same thing saying, like, okay. Did I do something with my daughter today? Did I give her a the special moment that she will remember. And I think the biggest thing I try and do is just make sure that that exists. For example, she gave me a book the For my birthday, we celebrated it last night because girl scouts was the night before. So I waited a day for my birthday, and she gave me a book of the top ten reasons I have the best dad. The And the book is adorable, and it shows all sorts of things like I love you because you help me when I get hurt. The And she drew a little picture of me putting a Band Aid on her. She loves when I play with her, and the picture was me as a horse on the ground with her jumping on top of me and the Riding me around.

Tim Cox [00:13:14]: And these are the kind of things that I do, and a lot of times I'm very tired, but I'm like, there's gonna be a day that she doesn't wanna play. And one of the saddest things to think about and I carry her around all the time, and she's 8 and I'm £65, and I'm carrying her everywhere I go the When I can or I put her on my shoulders or any of those kind of things. Because as dads, we have to realize there is going to be a day. That you put your child down, you put your daughter down, and you never pick her up again. And it's heartbreaking to think of that. And I can't even . Imagine that day coming, but it's getting closer and closer that she still wants me to comfort her.

Tim Cox [00:13:56]: She's daddy's little girl, and it drives my partner Crazy sometimes because she's always like, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy. But I'm loving it, and I'm trying to just remember that I need to make the Time for this because I don't know when that time is over.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:14]: And it will be over before you know it or at least I'm not gonna say completely over. You're not gonna be able to carry your child eventually because, you know, they do get the Larger, and it becomes a lot harder to do that physically. But that being said, you'll always be her dad, . And you'll always have that connection. So doing what you can now to build those strong relationships and to connect with her now the And show her that you are always there for her will still continue even after they leave the house. I mean, I've got the My oldest is at college and but we still stay connected, but it's in a little bit different way. And as they do get older, you have to take the cues from them. I'm not always the best about that, but it is something that you have to be willing to do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:05]: My oldest has gone to college, and She is about 11 and a half hours away from our house, and we had to set up parameters of the How our relationship would continue and listen and try to follow her lead. And I'm sure that as she the Gets older, that's gonna have to continue because when she gets out of college and moves to the next step, more and more, they're going to not need everything that we have Offered them as a young person, but they will still need us in some ways and will come back to us the Because of that for some reasons. So I say those things just to say for all of us as fathers, there's going to be these the Times, these ebbs, these flows, these things that are going to be these seasons that we go through, that our kids go through. And some of those seasons, you will need. To be more involved, and other times, you won't have to be as involved, and you'll have to take a step back. And that's not easy, and you the just have to know that it's not going to be easy, and I can tell you that 20 times, 30 times, 40 times. And you may still find that the You're still not prepared. And that that's okay, but it's just something to be aware of.

Tim Cox [00:16:19]: And I think that's really important too, you know, because You know when they do need you, what you're able to do. For example, this morning, I put her on the bus and drove to work. And when I got to work, which is like a the 25 minute drive or so, I got a call from the school, and she was crying on the phone that today was stuffy day, And she forgot to bring her stuffy to school. And in in 3rd grade, it's the year that the teachers stop communicating with the parents as much, And they try and teach the kids to do it, so we didn't realize that it was stuffy day. And I had to kinda make a decision where I was literally . Into my office, and I'm like, do I continue on, or do I turn around, drive 25 minutes back, pick up Sniffers, .

Tim Cox [00:17:07]: And bring sniffers to the school and then come back to work. And that was, like, the kind of thing where I was, like, you know what? I was, like, I this is important to her. The She's clearly upset about it, and I'm gonna bring that to her. And it's kind of the thing is where she gets bad anxiety about things. She gets all these kind of things where . She's afraid of getting sick, so she'll just tell us she's sick and not go to and try not to go to school. And we ended up putting her in the therapy for these kind of things because it's important to to catch something early and have her start working out the feelings now while she's younger. Because the While not having a stuffy at school is not fun, she's probably not the only kid that forgot it, but to .

Tim Cox [00:17:51]: Then, you know, get really upset into where, like, I knew she wasn't gonna be able to feel good through school without having the Stuffy. That's where I had to decide. Okay. I need to go and do this for her because we're working on this and with her anxiety, and that's Something that's gonna be important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:08]: You know, that just kinda shows I mean, there is a point in time where you do have to decide. And like you said about, the There's things like this where you have to make a decision. Is this a learning moment moment, or do you actually the Come back in, and we'll say save the day to bail your child out of something that they probably should have told you up upfront the and told you about. But there's going to be those times where is 3rd grade the time to do that, or is it more 6th the Great. Well, you know what? You need to learn about this, and you need to be able to. So those are things internally that you have to struggle with and figure out as you along. And there is that learning that happens as your kids get older, and you're going to learn so many things. And I think that that's important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:53]: I think it's so important that you're willing to the Open yourself up to learning and being willing to know that you don't know everything and be willing to the Reach out or find resources. As you think about the experiences that you've had as a father, how has that resonated with you that you've had to take that step the to be willing to learn.

Tim Cox [00:19:15]: It was tough and easy at the beginning. Easy because I knew I had to learn, but tough because I've always kind of felt the Proud I was able to do things on my own or figure things out on my own. And every day is just I'm learning something new every day, and especially with having the 2 children who are very different people. My daughter is gets anxiety and she's s. Nervous about things, and she's very lovey and gets hurt constantly whether it's really hurt or not hurt or just wants an ice the hack that happens where my son is completely wild and is not one that gets hurt and is just the Runs around the house like a tornado, and you have to learn how to navigate this journey with 2 very different Children. And what I do for her may not be the same thing that I would do for him, and it's not necessarily a learning point the For either of the kids, but just knowing how they will handle it. Like, he had stuffy day to stay at school too. He has a stuffy at the School.

Tim Cox [00:20:21]: He's in preschool. He has a stuffy there for nap. And I don't know if kids were bringing other ones or not, but I was like, you know what? Let's just . Not send him with 1 because then it's 1 less that needs to be washed, and we think he'll be fine with it. So I think the biggest thing is just the Knowing that you don't know everything and that it's okay to make mistakes. I make mistakes all the time. And there's the Times I wish I could go back and change what I said or what I did, and I let frustrations get out sometimes. And that this past

Tim Cox [00:20:53]: Year I've tried to take a better look at my own mental health, and I finally talked about depression to my doctors. I Doc. Got on some medication and all these kind of things are taking care of myself to know That I can make myself become a better father. And when I mess up, that, you know, it's not the end of the world, that . I just need to own up to it, and that's also being honest with my kids where sometimes I'll say, like, hey. I wish I didn't say that, or, hey. I wish I the I was able to do this with you. I'm just being honest with them is extremely important to to my own growth.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]: Well, talking about mental health, and I know that you said that the You kind of have focused a bit more on your mental health. Why did you decide that that this was the right time to do that, and what did you hope to do with the The journey that you started.

Tim Cox [00:21:45]: I think it was one of those things where I mean, it certainly got worse over the pandemic. I don't remember and and And also that is we had our son right at the beginning of the pandemic to where that was a whole different thing. You know, they I Doc. I was almost not gonna be allowed to go to the hospital, which I wrote a chapter in the 1st Fathering Together book about that issue. But one of those thing, it kind of, like, creeped up on me more,

Tim Cox [00:22:10]: and then I decided, like you know, I started feeling like I wasn't myself at all times. Doc. And sometimes I would be just sitting there washing the dishes at night, and I'd start feeling like I'm a failure. Like, I can't even explain the things I was feeling. And then finally, like, I was going to the doctor and I, you know, had my regular physical, and I was just like, this is kinda going on. I don't feel Doc. Suicidal or anything like that, but I do feel depressed and down and to the point where I didn't feel like I would do anything to myself, But I didn't necessarily care if something happened to me.

Tim Cox [00:22:46]: And other than you were, like, you want to make sure you're there for your kids, but There came point where I was like, there's stuff going on that I'm just kinda moving through life, and it's just stressful. And and it was it was a huge Docs changed by having that talk with the doctor, being honest with myself that this was something that I should bring up, and now Still working on it and still have those days where you just feel exhausted or worn out. The kids are fighting, and you are just like, I can't even Do anything with us anymore. I just need to, like, go lay down or something. But it's happening far less because I feel like I've finally taking a step in the right direction.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:25]: Now taking that step in the right direction, you also are showing your kids Something about taking care of yourself. What kind of conversations have you had, especially with your daughter, about the Some of the things that you I know that you said that she has struggled with and how what you're doing, and Doc. It may impact her in many ways in the future.

Tim Cox [00:23:48]: I don't think she knows about depression or anything like that yet. She has anxiety, . But we have tried to show her that, like, it's totally normal. A lot of kids have it. A lot of kids go to therapists the for this. And she's it's okay to have big feelings, basically, and not understand how to fully grasp the what you're feeling and talk about what you're feeling. And so I think we just this year, all this started this year of us making this decision to the have her start going to therapy every week, and it was just one of those things where we know that if we have the opportunity to look at this the at this young age and be able to do something about it instead of waiting until it's older. And part of the thing with that may have been that I the understanding that, like, I what I was going through.

Tim Cox [00:24:39]: My partner understands what she's going through, and those kind of things that were like, you know what? Like, the Let's find a way to help our daughter learn to deal with these feelings before that becomes something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:52]: . That's so important, and it's important to be willing to put yourself out there and be willing to understand when you need help. And I don't know that every man is willing to admit that, and instead, they internally kind of say, Nah. I can handle it myself. I don't think that I need help. I I can man up and push through it. And that sometimes comes with fatherhood too, the Dad, there is a lot of dads that kind of are like, I don't need help. I can figure this out.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:23]: I don't need to ask for help. I've always said that You've got a community of people that have been fathers that are all around you, and there's no reason why you can't go the to your neighbor, to a friend, and be very open and honest with them and say, you know what? I'm struggling with this. And have you ever dealt with this? Or . If you did, how did you deal with this? Because I'm having a lot of problems, but that's not easy. And it's definitely not something that is the Innately put into the personalities of most men that you're willing to be vulnerable in that way. So I commend you for taking that step for yourself, for your family, and being willing to put yourself first the In some ways, to be able to also put your family first because you knew that you had to focus on yourself to be able to be the dad that you wanted to be the and the husband that you wanted to be. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where we ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Tim Cox [00:26:28]: I am ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]: In one word, what is fatherhood?

Tim Cox [00:26:31]: I'm gonna follow what we've been talking about, and I'm gonna say learning.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:37]: When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

Tim Cox [00:26:42]: I think that there's different times where You feel that way, but just hearing some of the sweet things that she does where if she sees a the kid not playing with anybody. She's the one to go up to that kid and say, hey. Do you wanna play with us? And, like, you know, that's where I remember there was something like that, and my Doug. Wife and I, like, we looked at each other, and we were like, yes. We did this. Like, we succeeded here because she cared more about someone else the who wasn't involved in something, and I think I wanna say she was in kindergarten or 1st grade when that happened. And it felt really good to know that the She is a caring person, and we're teaching her the right way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:24]: If I were to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

Tim Cox [00:27:27]: I believe they would probably the Talk about me being funny. That was one of the pages in her book that she wrote about me because I try and, you know, make them laugh. I'm goofy. I try and be as the fun of a dad as I possibly can.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:41]: Who inspires you to be a better dad?

Tim Cox [00:27:43]: I think that's my father. He has done so much for me. Me. He's my stepfather, but he's my father in my mind. He's been in my life since I could talk, since I you know, they've been married since I was 5. The And he's such a great dad, and he's such a great papa to the kids that an inspiration for me to the Try and strive to be like that and also while being my own person at the same time. For example, the other day, my daughter, she has the spray paint chalk, and she asked if she could spray paint a couple, like, rows of bricks on our house by the garage. And knowing it's chalk, knowing it's gonna come off, I was like, I the I don't know if my dad would've let me do this, but what does it matter? Yeah. Go for it. And we now have some pink bricks on Firehouse by the garage. And it's not to say, like, he let me do a lot of the Fun Things. But those are the kind of things where I'm just like, you know what? It's not gonna hurt anything, and I'm just going to do it. So I try and also take the What I've learned from him and then add my own goofy touch to it, which he's also a very funny person too, which is probably where I get it from. But I think that's kind of where I get my inspiration.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:50]: Now you've given a lot of piece of advice, things that you've learned along the way with your own the Kids. As we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice you'd want to give to every dad?

Tim Cox [00:28:59]: I think the biggest advice is we're all human. We all make mistakes. No one's perfect. A lot of times on social media, people put out the most perfect version of themselves, and you have to realize that We're all in this together, and that's kind of where I think being involved with fathering together and all the the Dads that I became friends with from the dads with daughters groups and everything, I've really learned, hey. We're all doing this together. Doug. We're all learning, and you have to always be open to becoming a better version of yourself even when you think you're the perfect version of yourself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:38]: Well, Tim, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your own journey, and for being vulnerable with us and the Sharing some of the highs, the lows, and everything in between of the things that you've experienced with your daughter, and I wish you all the best.

Tim Cox [00:29:53]: Thank you so much. It's very exciting to be on this, and I really appreciate you asking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:57]: The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information the that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, the and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together .org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of Fathering Together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:39]: We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared Doc. To helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:49]: We're all in the same boat, Don. And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the the We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy s. Presents. Bring your AK because those the Kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, the Donnie. Be the best dad you can be!

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In a special episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, guest Daniel M. Rose joins host Christopher Lewis for a heartfelt conversation about the beautiful and sometimes challenging journey of fatherhood. As fathers to daughters, they share their wisdom and personal experiences, offering valuable insights on building strong, independent relationships with their children. This episode is a reminder that fatherhood is an ongoing journey of growth, grace, and understanding.

The Initial Fear and Ongoing Love:

Dan Rose vulnerably shares his initial fears and uncertainties when he found out he would be a father to a daughter. Like many fathers, he worried about being overprotective or not doing a good enough job in raising his daughter. This honest admission resonates with many dads, highlighting the common fear of not being able to provide and protect our children adequately. However, as Dan and Dr. Lewis attest, this fear is often replaced by a love that grows and evolves throughout the different stages of a daughter's life.

The Unique Bond and Shared Activities:

As the conversation unfolds, Dan Rose emphasizes the special bond and shared activities between him and his daughter. It's heartwarming to hear how, despite initial differences, they found common ground through shared interests in pop culture and TV shows, particularly during the challenging time of the lockdown in March 2020. This emphasizes the importance of staying open-minded, adaptable, and finding ways to connect with our children, especially during difficult circumstances.

Teaching Gratitude and Building Foundation:

A significant takeaway from this conversation is the importance of teaching gratitude and being thankful for what children have from a young age. Dan acknowledges that building a foundation of gratitude in childhood allows for more freedom and less overreaction in parenting during middle and high school years. This essential parenting aspect reminds us of the significant impact that instilling values of appreciation and mindfulness can have on a daughter's development.

Responding with Grace and Vulnerability:

Dan's emphasis on responding to his children with grace, understanding, and vulnerability rather than judgment or discipline, is a vital aspect of nurturing strong father-daughter relationships. This echo from Dr. Christopher Lewis aligns with the podcast's focus on embracing grace and vulnerability in fatherhood. It's a reminder that by being open, empathetic, and willing to embrace our vulnerabilities as fathers, we can foster trust, openness, and resilience in our daughters.

Initiating Honest Conversations and Building Trust:

The importance of treating daughters with respect and initiating honest conversations to strengthen the relationship cannot be understated. Dan encourages fathers to respond with love, listen, and learn from their daughters, fostering a relationship built on trust, respect, and understanding. This highlights the significance of creating an environment where daughters feel heard, valued, and supported. Moreover, it emphasizes the role of fathers in providing a safe space for open, honest conversations with their daughters. Conclusion: In this deeply insightful and emotionally resonant episode, '

Dan Rose and Dr. Christopher Lewis remind us that fatherhood is a journey of grace, gratitude, and vulnerability. By embracing these qualities and nurturing open, loving relationships with our daughters, we can empower them to grow into strong, resilient individuals. This episode serves as a powerful testament to the enduring bond between fathers and daughters, and the profound impact of intentional, empathetic parenting.

In this episode, Dan Rose's vulnerability and Dr. Christopher Lewis's thoughtful insights offer an invaluable roadmap to fathers everywhere on the profound and transformative journey of raising daughters. Through these conversations, we can glean wisdom and solidarity that enriches our own journeys as fathers.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong independent women. The Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love being able to sit down with you and talk with you about the journey that you're on and really the Go on this journey with you because as you know, I've got 2 daughters myself, and you never stop parenting. You never stop being a father, the And you're gonna continue to learn because the different phases of life that your kids are in are gonna push you in many different ways, ways that you the Right now are probably not even expecting, or if you are older and have kids that are older, you may be looking back and saying, oh, I wish I would have known. The And you could give some good advice too. But I love being able to to sit down, talk to you, have you listen every week because Doug. It is a journey, and it is something that we all can work on to become better at, to just like anything that we do. And by being able to listen to others, to learn from others, and be open to being vulnerable in many different ways and being open to learning and trying new things, you will be able to be that engaged dad that you wanna be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:37]: This week, we got another great guest with us today. Dan Rose is with us, and Dan is a father of 2. He's got both a son and a daughter. We're gonna be talking about his Dog. His experience as a dad of daughters. He is a pastor of a network of house churches and works to Bring his ministry all over Southeast Michigan and works with a number of different communities as well. Dog. So I'm really excited to have him here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:04]: I've known him for many years, and I'm really excited to be able to talk with him today. Dan, thanks so much for being here today.

Dan Rose [00:02:10]: I am glad to be here, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]: I'm excited to have you here as well. And one of the first things that I always do and love to do is turn the Doc. Back in time. And you've got 2 kids now that are grown and flown. They are older now and out of the house and doing their next the The thing is they are preparing for their journey into adulthood. When you think back to the very beginning and you go back to that first moment, that first moment when you found out that you were going to be a the Father to a daughter.

Dan Rose [00:02:39]: What was going through your head? Abject fear. That was was the first thing. To be our son was born first, and I grew up with the 2 younger brothers, and so figuring out how to be a dad to a son seemed pretty straightforward. And, when we found out we were having a daughter, That was scary. And and yet it was also kind of the sense of just what an honor That it was gonna be to raise a daughter and thinking about what it would mean to be a daddy as opposed to just a dad. And Shortly after Libby was born, Amy was working with college. Amy, my wife, was working with with college students, and She wanted me to to write a little thing for these girls in her bible study about what does it mean to raise a daughter, to be a girl dad, which wasn't a phrase at the time. So for me, it was the this this idea of of being a daddy and being being someone who would be able to take strength and the Give it to my daughter so that as she moved out in this world, that she would be as strong as my son and be able to hold her own because, boy, this world is it's just hard, and it's particularly hard, I think, for women.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:49]: Now you kind of touched on this just a little bit, but you also said that When you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter, you were scared, there was fear. What would you say was or is your biggest fear in raising a daughter?

Dan Rose [00:04:01]: I think one of my biggest Fears was being too protective, was overprotecting her, making her dependent on me in such a way that She felt like she was gonna have to go through this world needing a man or something along those lines. But then kind of the the the alternative of doing such a a the Poor job that she would not like men at all or that she would be not trusting of men or would fear men or would just have some sort of the Irrational relationship towards men. So kind of a double edged sword there on the fear thing. Too much and too little. Trying to figure out how do you stand on that razor's edge.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:41]: The Now as I said, your daughter now is older, and she has gone off to college and doing some different things. The And I guess as she went through those phases in her own development, as you went through those phases the Throughout her development and you think back to the fear that you said that you did have, how does that look different now that she left the house and gone to that next the phase of her life.

Dan Rose [00:05:08]: Yeah. So she just finished her 3rd semester at Michigan State. And so for anyone that's not living under a rock, Last year, they at Michigan State had a campus shooter and knew people who were shot and killed, and her friends knew people. It was one of those things you never think you'd experience. And so now that and there was no way to protect her because she was an hour and 20 minutes from my house. I couldn't go rescue her. And Watching her handle a situation that none of us know how we're going to respond and watching her face that with courage, with a strength that I don't know if I would have. And then to see her move forward from that situation as the semester continued on and Dog.

Dan Rose [00:05:55]: As she is continuing to grow, to see her just continue to press on with a tenacity and a strength that comes from a the Deep, deep place. And so as we walked through that whole thing with her last year, it became very clear that she was ready to take this world. And she was strong and resilient and has everything you need to succeed. So it has been fun. It's really been fun to see her to see her just Thrive now in light of of everything that's been going on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:25]: It's so exciting to hear that. And, you know, I went through a similar thing this fall the When there was a shooter on the campus where my daughter is a freshman, and luckily, she did not know the 1 person that was the Shot and killed, but it still impacts, and you have to deal with that. And for us, you know, she's over 11 hours away. So as you said, you can't rescue. I definitely could not easily rescue, and she didn't need the rescuing either. She dealt with it in her own way and the Showed her resilience in that way, and I think all the students did. And but it's hard. It's hard to take that step back, the Take that and and know that they're on their own, and you wanna just hold them and be there for them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:14]: And I think the The only thing that we could do at the time was make sure she knew that and make sure that she knew that we were there for her and the Go from there and support her in any way that we could. Now one of the things that I am kind of interested in is that, you know, you have 2 children that are different. They're different ages. They have different interests. They're doing different things, and you build those unique bonds the With your children to be able to be engaged with them in many different ways. What is the favorite thing that you and your daughter like the or do that you share together.

Dan Rose [00:07:51]: We struggled for a minute. When she was younger, we didn't have a lot of things in common. She is a girly girl, And one of my favorite stories about her is we were helping my mom was a teacher, and we were helping her do the annual move into your classroom bit. And so we're carrying things up the To the classroom, and Libby is taking a stuffed animal, a singular book. My mom says to her she was probably the 4 at the time. And so my mom says, Libby, you can carry more than that. Libby put her hands on her hips, and she said, mom, These arms are made for strapless dresses, not for carrying things. So it's like, okay.

Dan Rose [00:08:30]: She did the dance thing. She she lived in a world that I did not understand at all, and quite honestly, a world that my wife didn't understand either. And so So fast forward to March 2020, and the whole world shuts down. And it was It was transformational in our in our relationship. She was a sophomore in high school, and then her and I all of a sudden Started spending every day together, all the time together, and we have discovered that we enjoy the same Similar TV shows. We enjoy a lot of the kind kind of pop culture stuff. So her and I, like, we bond over pop the culture and over kinda knowing who's who out in the Hollywood world and that kind of thing. And, you know, my wife and my son are just the clueless about it.

Dan Rose [00:09:21]: They're like they have no idea what's going on. So Libby and I have these inside jokes. We can just and we laugh at Ethan and Amy all the time. The And, and so are there are few people in this world that I enjoy bantering with more than than my daughter. And her sense of comedic timing is just perfect. The She might be the funniest person that I know. And so, honestly, it's just spending quantity time with her because the more time We spend the more the conversation spirals and gets hilarious and and things just get more fun in every single conversation.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:56]: The I love that. And you probably know way more than I do when it comes to some of the pop culture stuff.

Dan Rose [00:10:02]: I have to.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:02]: Well and that's just it is that I think that as a father, you the have to be willing to have some grace and know that you that your kids are not gonna always like the The things that you like, they're not going always going to do the same things that you're going to do. You're gonna connect with your kids in different ways. And the I know that you and I were talking before we started about the importance of grace. And when when I know that when you talk about Grace in parenting. It's not the same as grace in religion. So why don't you give me a definition? When you're talking about grace in parenting, why the Has Grace been so important for you as a parent? But first, let's define it, and then talk to me about how you have Incorporated that into the raising of your kids.

Dan Rose [00:10:51]: It's funny. If we were having this conversation 10 years ago, 15 years ago, my answer to What is the definition of grace and parenting would be different than it is now? Now, really, once we kinda hit the middle school years Doubt. Was when this definition changed and kinda locked in for me. I would define grace in parenting as maintaining access, the Doing what is necessary to maintain access because it's it's at that time when they're 11, 12, 13 when they're pushing boundaries, when they're they're testing. They're trying to figure out, okay. We've had these rules as as little kids, and now we're we're not quite adults. Everything in their world is changing. Their friends are changing.

Dan Rose [00:11:32]: Their bodies are changing. Their emotions are changing. Everything. Dog. And so now they start pushing and testing, and they're and they're separating themselves from us as mom and dad, which is healthy and good. And I see so Doug. Many folks during that time lose access to their kids because their kids break a rule or are disobedient or you know, they no longer are just trying to make mom and dad happy. They're trying to figure out what does their world look like the And how are they going to move through this world? And and so all of a sudden now, it's, I had to ground little Sally Bell.

Dan Rose [00:12:11]: For 2 weeks, wouldn't let her see her friends for 2 weeks, took her phone away, all of these things. And so if someone was treating me like that, what am I gonna do? I'm not gonna give them the anymore. I'm gonna shut them out. And so when they got into that middle school, man, it became all about how do I how do we as mom and dad maintain our So that when when those important conversations need to be had, when those hard relationship things that are going on in middle school and high school the are happening that they're coming to talk to us and not going to another 12 year old or a 13 year old with all of their vast wisdom.

Dan Rose [00:12:50]: I know. 12 13 year olds have all the answers and know all the things, but maybe maybe we know a little bit more. And so and so we wanted to do everything we could the to maintain access. Now how did that look? Oftentimes, that looked like us making a mistake and then the Apologizing to them for that mistake when we overreacted. It was very rarely that we underreacted. We pretty much always overreacted as parents. And so when we realized that we had overreacted, we would the Come in and apologize. And we would own our mistake as a as a parent in our overreaction, and we didn't do so in a way that the Still spun it back on them. Like, we left because, sure, our overreaction was probably almost always because they didn't do something right, but it still didn't Require the overreaction that we gave.

Dan Rose [00:13:41]: And so when we would go in and and apologize and ask forgiveness for overreaction, we wouldn't tie it to their behavior at all. Dog. We owned our own behavior and simply asked for forgiveness of our own behavior in the way that we would want other people to come to us. We began to treat them as more and more as equals. And so now as a result, we have our son is the He's 22. Libby's 20, and our family chats and our texts are they're brutally honest and brutally open, and they hide nothing from us. They've never hidden. As far as we know, there's just there's not a lot that they hide from us.

Dan Rose [00:14:19]: And I think about all of the things that we hid from our parents. Our kids haven't seemed to do that, and I think it's because we really sought to do whatever it took to maintain access in their lives. So we defaulted a lot to yes. Can I go to so and so's house to spend yes? Can so and so come to our house and spend the night? Yes. We didn't use grounding as a punishment, and we didn't use taking away their ability to the Connect with others as a form of punishment because we thought that is just critical to our lives as people. We tried to dive in and figure out doc. In those situations, what what was really going on? And a lot of that was grounded when they were 4, 5, 6, 7 years old. And so By the time they got to be 13, 14, 15, those lessons had been learned.

Dan Rose [00:15:03]: And so, like, for instance, I think both our kids have had situations where they wanted a particular the thing. Right? Some toy. And we didn't have a lot of money when they were younger, and so we it would cost us to get them this particular toy or this the that they wanted, and then they would respond in the way that 3, 4, 5, 6 year olds would often respond to not having a lot of gratitude. And so instead of Losing our stuff, we would just take that toy back, put it up on the shelf, and say, hey. When you're grateful for this thing that you have, you can have it back. And it would take some time, but they learned that. Right? It was that deeper issue. It wasn't that they're necessarily being disobedient.

Dan Rose [00:15:40]: They needed to learn gratitude. They needed to learn To be thankful for the things that they have. And so that one little lesson then translated out to when they were in middle school and high school, no And we didn't we didn't seem to have those same kinds of a lot of issues where we had to overreact or overparent too much because of things that have Things we had learned in the past allowed us to really be gracious in middle school and high school. So there was kind of this process of building a foundation when they're younger, Which then allowed us to to grant a lot of freedom when they were when they were older.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:11]: I love hearing that, and I think that every person needs to hear the that, especially if you're a young dad and you can start making those changes now. Now if a father has not been doing that, And they've got kids that are coming into their teenage years, and they have defaulted to no. And they have not the Built that relationship that has been conducive for access to their kids, and their kids may be hiding things or or other Things that you've been able to avoid. Are there things that you would recommend to dads that the See that in themselves, see that in the relationship that they have with their own kids that they could start to make intentional changes that would help Doc. To build a stronger relationship with their kids in the long run?

Dan Rose [00:17:04]: I think the first step would be to identify how the How would I want somebody to open that conversation with me? If there's somebody in my life who has kinda defaulted to know or doesn't trust me or doesn't hasn't dealt graciously with me and they've Dog. They want to change how they relate to me. How do I want them to approach that subject? What would it take for somebody to change that the in relationship to me. And then turn that around and say, okay. Well, I guess this is how I need to begin to move towards move towards my daughter is the I'm gonna start because I guess it's as fundamental as this. I'm gonna start treating her the way that I wanna be treated and taking some intentional time To go out, grab a grab a mocha frappuccino or a, you know, whatever the latest TikTok Starbucks fancy drink is, And going and sitting down and having an honest conversation, you would just be shocked at how our kids will respond to honest, open, Real talk. To sit down and say, I know this is kinda the way it's been. I don't like the way that I've been doing things.

Dan Rose [00:18:02]: I'm Trying to figure this parenting thing out too. And I need us to talk through some of this stuff. How can I be better? How can we then move together as a dad and a daughter towards the More openness towards more honesty. You will be shocked, but then the kicker is you gotta back it up. When She comes home and tells you a story, and it makes you uncomfortable because she's doing something that you did in high school or that you did in middle school That you're like, my kid's never gonna do that. And yet here she is doing that. You get to decide how are you gonna respond. Are you gonna respond in judgment? Are you gonna respond with discipline, or are you gonna respond by saying by listening and by extending grace the And by thinking about your response to it and just slowing down a minute and saying, alright, how am I gonna respond when she tells me this thing that I don't wanna hear? And and kinda having a plan in your head of maybe it's something like or you say, oh, thanks for sharing that with me.

Dan Rose [00:18:58]: Doug. I appreciate you you opening up. Right? And and then that's it. And and then maybe you look for other opportunities Doc. To have conversations about that in a way that's not gonna be a judgmental thing, a way that's not gonna slam the door on that access. Because if if they come and they bring something to us and and we immediately slam the door on them, that access is gonna get shut down real quick again. Doc. Couple of the phrases, especially now that my kids are older, that I'm learning to say, that I've been intentional about trying to say is, the How can I help you? How can I help you? Or do you want my advice, or do you just want me to listen? And now the door's open to them.

Dan Rose [00:19:37]: Now they're giving me the insight, the And all of a sudden, I look like a superhero because I'm just doing the very thing that they want me to do, and I don't have to figure it out. So those things work I think doc. Can work well even even, you know, middle school and high school with kids in that age that, again, opening seeking to open the door and giving them some room doc To direct it a little bit so that it's a give and take relationship. It's a both and. We have to make that shift from one up, one down relationships to relationships of mutuality with our with our daughters, and that's hard. It's it's it's really, really hard.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:08]: It is hard. It it is definitely not something that is always the something that you would innately think that you would do. And I think it is a mind shift and something that you have to be willing the To, as I said at the very beginning, be vulnerable. And sometimes with men, let's be honest, that word is a triggering word.

Dan Rose [00:20:30]: That's right. My palm started sweating just as you said that v word.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:32]: And it it's not a bad thing, though. Be vulnerable, being willing to the Say I don't know or be willing to just sit and be in the moment and explaining Where you're at is important, and it shows a human side to you that, especially as your kids young, they don't always see. Every child seem for the most part, every child tends to see their parent as a hero, as the person that they the Just love innately. And as long as you love them back, you're gonna continue to have that love. But then there is gonna be that point that, Dan, you just talked about that your kids start pushing back. And That grace is so important that you are willing to be in the moment, be there, be the Open, honest, and real with them. I can't say that I'm I've always been the best example of that. I try my best, And I try to admit when I'm failing as well, and I could do better.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:44]: And I'll be honest about that, but I think that the All of us can be better, and it's so easy to try and solve their problems. It's the So easy to get back in jump right back into that mindset of I'm gonna come and rescue you. And Especially for our daughters, for the most part, that's not always what they want. And asking the question, Dan, that you said of do you just need me to listen is important because so often the the women that are in our lives, whether it be our daughters, Our spouses, friends, men tend to try to solve. They try they jump in and they Don't always listen very well, but you're gonna come out ahead so much further ahead if you're willing to the Shut your mouth and just listen and then respond. Again, I'm not always the best at that. My spouse would tell you that From day 1 that I'm not always the best at that, but I do try. And I fail, and I try again.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:54]: And I the fail and I try again, and that's what you have to do when you are a parent as well. We definitely have to keep being teachable and the And learning and growing, and that's what this podcast is all about is being willing to be vulnerable, being willing to know that you don't know everything, the There's not one right way to parent. There's not one right way to father, and there's not one the playbook that you can pick up and say, this is the this is what I have to do. Because as you just heard, the way that Dan Fathers is different than the way that I father is different than the way that you father. And and that's okay, but we can take pieces the of what each of us do and learn from each other. You can build a relationship with that dad next door the And start to listen and learn from what they're doing and say, I like that. Don't really like that, but pick the things that you do like And start incorporating them. Try some new things just like Dan was talking about.

Dan Rose [00:23:56]: Tell you what, man. I think one of the ways I learned some of this grace thing was in conversation with my father-in-law the raised 4 daughters. After his 3rd daughter was born, he went to the bar. So we were talking as my kids were probably late elementary school, and the He's from Southern Indiana, and he says, Diane, let me tell you something. And we sat and talked about parenting. And one of the things he said was You gotta give them enough rope when they're in middle school and high school to just about hang themselves, but not so much that you can't pull them back. Doc. And he's like, you want them to learn the lessons when they're still under your roof, when you can still put your arm around them, when you can still pick them up when they fall.

Dan Rose [00:24:40]: And that was some of the best parenting advice that I've ever received because it opened up so much freedom. Like, I no longer Had to be a perfect dad, and my kids didn't have to look perfect. They could go and make mistakes, And then I could pick them up, and we can brush them off, and we can help them figure it out so much better that they the Figure out and make their mistakes when they're in junior high and high school than when they're in college 11 hours away or 2 hours away Because it's a lot harder to pick them up and brush them off when they're out there. And when you're over 18, your mistakes are they're way more costly. So when you make mistakes, when you're 13, 14, 15, and you got somebody there who can help pick you up and brush you off, It's just it's just such a such a better way. And that bit of advice from my father-in-law was was huge for those very reasons.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:37]: Now, Dan, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five where we delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dan Rose [00:25:44]: I'm ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:45]: In one word, what is fatherhood?

Dan Rose [00:25:46]: Joy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:47]: When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

Dan Rose [00:25:52]: When She put a professor in his place this semester at Michigan State.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:57]: You gotta tell me more about that one.

Dan Rose [00:25:59]: To me, this is like, Doc. She's gonna be just fine. She's a public relations major. And because that's, you know, kinda more on the business side of things, everything That they do is group work, it seems like. And so Libby wants to get good grades. Libby is very conscious about wanting to the Just wanting to be successful and succeed. And so she kinda took this 1st group project all on her own, and she's like, you guys aren't getting it done. The I'm gonna get this thing done.

Dan Rose [00:26:29]: So she rocks out this group project with minimal help from her group, turns it in, gets the grade back, and they only got an 80. And she was mad. So she flips to the back, looks at the comments. And in the comments, the professor writes, you missed, the Like, 5 different things in your group assignment that you just didn't do. And so she marched up there after class and walked him through and showed him where All 5 of those things were at in the paper and said they're here, here, here, and here, so fix it. And he scratched out the 80 and gave him a 90. And I was like, this girl, she don't need me anymore. She just put this dude in his place, and she advocates for self. She takes no crap from anybody. And so that I was like, alright. We hit a home run. She's on her way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:18]: I love that. Now If I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

Dan Rose [00:27:22]: Well, I hope they would describe me as loving, as the Herring as somebody who always has their back no matter what. We told both of them. Dog. I've told both of them numerous times when they're getting ready, especially they're getting ready to walk into a hard situation. You got this. You can do this, but just know that I'm the cavalry. If you need me, I've got your back. And so I I hope that's how they would describe me. I think that's how they would.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:52]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Dan Rose [00:27:54]: I think my father-in-law. I really my father-in-law, I think, is he he's not perfect. The Talk to my mother-in-law for 5 minutes, and you'll find out that my father-in-law is not perfect. But we just celebrated his 80th birthday and listening. And one of the things that we did was Dog. All of his grandkids spoke about the impact he's had on their lives. All 4 of his daughters spoke about the impact the that he's had on their lives. And, man, if my kids and my grandkids will speak of me the way that they spoke of the of my father-in-law.

Dan Rose [00:28:25]: And I know from talking to my brothers in laws, the way that we've the 4 of us feel about him. That's dad goals in a big, big way. In so many ways, when I grow up, I wanna be my father-in-law. Again, not perfect, but, boy, he loves fiercely and really and he embodies what a I think what a good dad really looks like.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:43]: Now you've given a lot of piece of advice today. As we finish up, what's 1 piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad?

Dan Rose [00:28:47]: If you're gonna on the side of love. The So often, once the door is closed, once the relationship is broken, it is so hard to get it back. So if you're gonna make an error, error by loving too much, by granting too much grace. If we on the side of love, the odds are we're gonna get it right more times than not. I tell the people I pastor, Tell my kids. Tell anybody that listens. I don't think we're gonna stand before god or the divine or whatever at the end of our lives, and and they're gonna say, you know what? You love too much. Dog.

Dan Rose [00:29:18]: You just loved too much. That is never gonna be our problem. So if I'm gonna if I'm gonna make a mistake, if you as a dad are gonna or make a mistake, make it on the side of love. Making on the side of loving them too deeply, too much, with too much love. That's the error. If that's the thing that at the end, you know, my kids are sitting in counseling and because dog. They're gonna everybody's gonna need it. So when they're sitting there, they're like, you know, my dad just loved it too much.

Dan Rose [00:29:42]: I'll take it. He didn't have enough rules. I'll take it. That's my piece of advice to every parent. It's just air on the side of love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:48]: Well, I appreciate you sharing that, Dan, and I appreciate your time today. Now if people wanna find out more about you the And what you're doing, is there a great place for them to go?

Dan Rose [00:29:57]: Yeah. So I try to write pretty regularly, and they can see my longest the form stuff at danielmrose.com. And then I write some shorter things that are only about 250, the 300 words, and I do that mostly daily ish at the kjd.net, the knee jerk devotional.net. So those are 2 places, but they can find me on just about any social network known to mankind. My username everywhere is Daniel m Rose, All one word. So Twitter/X at DanielmRose, Facebook at Daniel M. Rose, Mastodon, which is where I live most of my days now because It's nice. So is that Daniel M. Rose at writing.exchange, Instagram at Daniel M. Rose. You can find me at Daniel M. Rose. When in doubt at Daniel M. Rose. So

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:47]: And we'll put links in the notes today. Dan, thanks so much for joining us today for sharing your journey in being a father, and I wish you all the best.

Dan Rose [00:30:57]: Hey. Thanks, Christopher. It was good chatting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:58]: The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. The We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information the that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, the and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Daughters is a program of fathering together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:41]: We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters the And be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat, the And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. The Dogs. Presents. Bring your a k, because kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, the Donker. Be the best the dad you can be!

Dads With Daughters is part of The Dads Podcast Network, powered by DadsSupportingDads.org

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In a heartfelt and candid episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis engages in an inspiring conversation with Joe Martin, the owner of Relentless Positivity Fitness and a dedicated father. As Joe reflects on his journey as both a father and a mentor to middle school-aged children, he emphasizes the importance of perseverance, positivity, and building strong relationships. The discussion delves into Joe's personal struggles, triumphs, and the profound impact of leading by example in fatherhood and fitness.

Mentoring and Building Relationships:

Joe Martin sheds light on the pivotal role of mentoring, particularly with middle school-aged children, recognizing this age group's vulnerability and potential. He stresses the significance of trusted resources outside the home, like a coach, in connecting with kids and fostering meaningful relationships. Joe's emphasis on building relationships with children through shared activities and finding common ground underscores the powerful impact of positive mentorship.

Fitness and Overcoming Challenges:

As the owner of Relentless Positivity Fitness, Joe Martin's passion for fitness emanates from his experiences as an athlete, where he battled weight gain and injury during his football career. Through his own fitness journey, Joe not only overcame adversity but also redefined his identity. His journey serves as a testament to the transformative power of perseverance and the impact of modeling a healthy lifestyle for children.

Personal Transformation and Resilience:

Joe Martin's openness about his past struggles, including arrests and incarceration, offers a poignant insight into his journey of redemption and personal transformation. His determination to change his lifestyle, while initially centered on weight loss, ultimately led to a holistic transformation, reinforcing the importance of resilience in overcoming adversity.

Parenting and Fatherhood:

The conversation pivots to the challenges and triumphs of fatherhood, with Joe Martin eloquently articulating the emotional journey of watching his son embark on a new chapter at the Air Force Academy. Through his vulnerability, Joe emphasizes the importance of allowing children to fail, sharing personal struggles, and prioritizing one's spouse in parenting. His candid reflections resonated with Dr. Christopher Lewis and emphasized the depth of emotional investment inherent in fatherhood.

The Power of Positivity and Community:

Joe Martin's dedication to spreading positivity is not confined to fitness but permeates his podcast and book, both titled "Relentless Positivity." During the conversation, the significance of countering negativity with uplifting narratives and inspiring stories becomes evident. His book, combining personal experiences with lessons on fitness and back pain management, emphasizes flexibility and inspiration over rigid approaches—underscoring the value of a positive mindset.

Fatherhood Insider and Community Engagement:

Dr. Christopher Lewis invites dads to join the Fatherhood Insider, a valuable resource, and encourages involvement in the Dads with Daughters Facebook community. This proactive approach seeks to foster a supportive environment where fathers can learn from each other's experiences, gaining insights and strengthening their roles as active participants in their daughters' lives.

The engaging conversation with Joe Martin encompasses the profound impact of mentorship, fitness, and positive parenting. His journey from adversity to resilience, coupled with his unwavering dedication to fatherhood and positivity, serves as an inspiring example to all. By amplifying the importance of building strong relationships, personal transformation, and embracing a mindset of relentless positivity, Joe Martin's narrative resonates deeply with the mission of "Dads with Daughters" in promoting and empowering positive father-daughter relationships.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent Women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together. You know, I've got 2 daughters. You've Got Daughters. We're on this fatherhood journey together, and we're doing the things that we can do to be able to be the best dads that we wanna be. And the That comes with work, that comes with some hard work, that comes through the days, the weeks, the months, the years that the You go side by side with your children to be able to help them to be the people that you're hoping that they become, and you don't have to do this alone. I've said that Numerous times, and I will continue to say it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:03]: There are so many other dads out there that are going through the same journey, And they struggle with very similar things, and they go about fatherhood in different ways. And that's why it's so important that we have these conversations, that we sit down, we Dog. Talk about it. We build a community for you to be able to meet other dads, learn from them because there's no one right way the father. There's many different ways that people do father, and you learn along the way. You learn as things change in your life, in your kids' life. And you can learn from the dads around you, but you can also learn from dads through things like this. That's why every week I love being able to Dog.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:42]: Talk with you, sit down with you, and bring you different guests with different perspectives, different experiences that can help You to think about fatherhood in a little bit different way. This week, we've got another great guest with us. Joe Martin is the owner of Relentless Positivity Fitness. He teaches in person as well as online classes. He's won several awards, including Huntsville's healthiest trainer, Huntsville's healthiest male. The Relentless Positivity Fitness was was just recently voted the best place in Huntsville to work out, and his book, the Relentless positivity hit the Amazon's bestseller list. Now we're gonna learn a little bit more about that, but he has a long journey of being a athlete and working in fitness and found also at one point, he was above 50 pounds overweight. And I I think all of us at one point in life can probably look at that and look at ourselves and say, are we where we wanna be, and how is that impacting us as men, But also how is that impacting us as fathers? And it's a it becomes a turning point for yourself, and it was a turning point for Joe too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:47]: So I'm really excited to be able to to learn from him today, learn from him as a father. He's a father of a son who is just about to go off to the Air Force Academy, and he's gonna grow. He's gonna fly off the nest here to go and do go into the next phase of his life. Doug. So he is going through when I what I told you I was going through last year. So I'm really excited to talk to him, to learn from him, and to share him with you. Joe, thanks so much for being here today.

Joe Martin [00:03:14]: Dog. I'm really excited to be here. We talked a little bit before we we started that there's no instruction manual when it comes to being a dad. So what you're doing is so important. Building strong dads out there that can build strong daughters Doc. It's so important. It kinda, you know, that old Frederick Douglass quote talked about it. It's it's much easier to build strong children than it is to fix or or repair a broken man or a Woman.

Joe Martin [00:03:32]: I'm in the fitness world, so I've been training women exclusively for 15 years. And a lot of the stuff they're dealing with as adults goes back to childhood. What you're doing right now, helping people cut that off before it ever happens, man. It's so important. So I appreciate what you're doing out there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:44]: So now I usually start with some conversations to talk about the What it was like to be a father of a daughter. You don't have that experience, but you do have a you were a father of a son. So talk to let's go back a little bit. Let's talk a little bit about that journey that you've been on the And what you've had to learn along the way. So let's turn the clock back. Your son is a senior in high school, and as you think back to that first moment, the first moment when you found out that you were going to be a father, what was going through Doug.

Joe Martin [00:04:07]: Man, all the emotions. All of them. You think, oh my gosh. I'm not ready. I'm excited. I need to make more money. I need to be less busy. All these things are going through your head.

Joe Martin [00:04:16]: Doc. You don't know what to expect. You know, anytime you you're doing something new, all the fear comes in. Also a lot of excitement, and I was really excited about being a dad. I had amazing parents growing up. So I kinda I got modeled that growing up. I was excited to give it a shot. And I was the 1st in my family to have a kid, man.

Joe Martin [00:04:29]: So it's very exciting. I've got 2 brothers and 1 older, 1 younger. So I was, like, kind of the first one. So no one the They couldn't ask my brothers about us, you know, but I've got a lot of people around me that really helped me out. But mainly, it was just the overwhelming thing with excitement and gratitude, just be able to have this chance to be a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:43]: Now fatherhood is never Always roses. It's not always easy. You go through peaks and valleys as you go along. Talk to me about Doc. What you had to go through as a father to be able to be the father that you wanted to be as you went through those peaks and valleys.

Joe Martin [00:05:00]: I think a lot of it's, you had a previous guest Docs. Talking about watching your kids fail. How it's it's so hard to do, but man, it's so important. Even watching them hurt themselves. You know, when you tell them over and over, don't do that. Dog. Well, words mean one thing, actions mean another. You know, when they go and I tried to tell you and then you, you know, you touch the burning stove or whatever that version of that for your kid is.

Joe Martin [00:05:19]: But That was one I'm just watching them fail. I mean, it's so tough. You wanna put them in this, you know, bubble wrap and send them out the world, and don't get hurt. Don't have to any challenges, but that's not the way the world works. Docs. And that's not how you grow, and that's not how you change. That was a tough lesson to learn. Also with, sports, like, you mentioned I was an athlete growing up.

Joe Martin [00:05:35]: My son sports important to him. He's gonna go play Dault Air Force Academy. It's huge opportunity. But just looking back on his journey, when he first started getting a sport, he's telling me, oh, how good I was back in the day. Nobody cares about Dog. Right? Are you sure about how good you were? That doesn't mean anything to these kids. Tell them your struggles. Tell them that, hey, man.

Joe Martin [00:05:51]: I had this coach that told me I would never play a down on varsity ever. Tell them I was scared the to death to go out of my 1st varsity game. I thought I was gonna throw up. You know, all these things that share your struggles. That's where they lean in and connect, and they say, oh, okay. Well, I struggle. I'm not very good at this yet.

Joe Martin [00:06:06]: The I just started playing this. I don't wanna hear about how good you are. I'm terrible at this. I wanna hear that there's a chance that you struggled and you became better. I think as dads, you kinda wanna, back in the day, talk about how good you are and how you the Throw that football over a mountain back in your day. But if you can if you can share your struggles, I think that was a big lesson that I learned personally that, you know, they're gonna connect with that much more than they are. You talk about how good Door Stuff. And then just, hey, teaching them that your wife, their mother is the most important thing in their world. And you you do that by you modeling I'll tell

Joe Martin [00:06:34]: Doc. Tell you this what. I had one of my mentors tell me one time that put your wife on a pedestal and see what child you raise. Put your wife down all the time and see what kind of a person he become. Doc. You could talk like I said, we talked about earlier. All these words are very important, but they can wanna wanna watch what you do with your actions. So if you, you know, put your wife up on a pedestal to show you how important she is, how the She loved all these things, and you continue to date your wife, love your wife, show what love a true relationship looks like. That's what they're gonna do. But if you go the other way, it's Docs.

Joe Martin [00:07:00]: What they're gonna do as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:00]: So talk to me about the hardest part that you have found in being a dad to a son and just being a father in general. What's been the hardest part for you?

Joe Martin [00:07:08]: I think the hardest part for me is coming Dog. He leaves. And he goes, he's the only child, man. This is, my wife and I's only child. We've been tight since day 1. And and just, you know, that Daily routine and just checking in and doing all these things. And our life pretty much revolves around what he does. His activities, hanging out with him, Doc.

Joe Martin [00:07:24]: Seeing him and his girlfriend, what they're doing, going to church together, all these things. I mean, like, 3 fourths of our days revolves around, yo, what's he doing? Yo, man, what's he doing? What are we doing together? What's for dinner? That's a big one around here because he's a he's a big kid, man, so he's always eating. That's gonna be tough. That's what I like I said, our daily routines, his basketball games, his school, dude, his laundry. I'm I'm not gonna lie. I'm not I'm not ready for that one to go away, but there's a lot of thing. I think that's that one's coming up. He's been a pretty awesome kid growing up.

Joe Martin [00:07:50]: Probably the ones I've I've shared before the biggest struggle, just watching him fail along the way and have watching him hurt, have his heart broken, you know, when his 1st girlfriend breaks up and those type of things are so hard to go through. Dog. I imagine this one coming up is gonna be big. When you're going through it right now, let me ask you. How's that going for you so far?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:03]: You know, it is different. We but we have 2 kids, so we still have 1 at home, but They both daughters are very different from one another. So my oldest was uber involved in everything. So just like your son, the We got involved in all the things that she did. Whereas my younger daughter is not involved as much Dog. In is involved in very few things that she gets involved in. And because of that, she is just a very different kid. And so There is a sense of loss when you as parents, when you start missing out on the The things that your kids used to do that you spent a lot of time doing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:47]: You have to get over it and you have to keep keep going. And just because they're Not there and not doing those things doesn't mean you can't go to the basketball games or to the you know, if they were in involved in marching band, go to the marching band competitions or Or other things like that, but it's just different. And you have to then adjust, and you have to look at the new normal. And I know it's gonna be very different when the youngest goes off to college, and then we are empty nesters per se. And you're only seeing them when they come home for Breaks or in between terms. I mean, your kid's gonna be going far away from home. My kid went about 11 hours away from home. Dom.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:27]: So we try to stay in contact through things like FaceTime or through weekly check ins, daily check ins, but we let her tell us the what the schedule needs to be and try not to push our agenda of wanting to talk to her. And I'm sure that pretty much every the Parent has to have that kind of a conversation. It has to be willing to let go and step back and be willing to let their kid fly a bit And then let them dictate how much or how little that they do communicate. I found that I was over communicating a little bit. The And my wife came to me and said, our daughter has said that you're sending too many things. And I said, that wasn't my intent. The I was just responding to what she was sending me. Well, she was responding to me because I was sending her something, but I was sending too much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:20]: So I said, okay. I will step back. I won't say anything, and I will let her take the lead. And it's it's hard to do, Dog. But you have to do it.

Joe Martin [00:10:31]: For sure. Yeah. That's what we're looking at. And then who are my wife and I when we don't have kids together? We have to kinda rekindle that and figure out what we look like together as a couple without the kids. So that's gonna be another Docs. When you go to Air Force Academy, you got 6 week to boot camp, 0 communications. That's gonna be something that we struggle with right there. And then he's gonna be super busy, Dog.

Joe Martin [00:10:47]: That's part that's how it works. That's how it's supposed to work. Talk about flying out of the nest. That's how it's supposed to work. Right? You graduate high school. You're supposed to go be your own person, and Dog. Probably the best way. Just rip the Band Aid.

Joe Martin [00:10:57]: Let's get it going.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:57]: That definitely is ripping off the Band Aid when they fly away and they go for the first time That far away, we had those conversations about you're not gonna be able to come home. You're not gonna be able to constantly be able to just leave for a weekend and take a trip back Because of the expense and the amount of time, and we may see you once or twice the in a term. And that becomes the reality when your child does go far away. But that happens even after they graduate from college or they go the Into the workforce, and they move away if they're not gonna be close to home, and then you have to deal with that too. And you're right, though. You do have to come to that new reality with your with your partner in life the To be able to figure out who you are again and hopefully along the time, along the years that you have been together, That you have built a strong foundation so that when all that time and all that effort that you have put into raising your the Child goes away, and I say go away. It's still there because you're always gonna be a parent, but it's different. And the house is much quieter, and the You're going to have to come up with that new normal so that you still connect and that you then have other things to connect on Outside of all of the effort and time and passion that you put into raising your child.

Joe Martin [00:12:17]: I'm not gonna lie. I'm I'm kinda excited to see what it looks like. The My wife jokes around that she's just gonna adopt another basketball player. We'll do it all over again. And I've I've nixed that idea, but she's she might be serious. I'm not sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:26]: There's been some families that I know that after their child graduates or leaves, they may have exchange students, or they may do something else Doc. To fill that void, to be able to or or they get involved with mentoring, or they get involved in coaching, or they get involved in something else Doc. That still connects them with youth in different ways because of the void that they feel internally.

Joe Martin [00:12:53]: Yeah. I get that. I've been working with kids for a while. Still end up Dom. Middle school age is 10 to 14 year old. That's when kind of a that's the age it's so crucial, and it's it's a tough age. So I like to work with that age group. I imagine I'll put more resources Docs.

Joe Martin [00:13:05]: That. We we did have an opportunity to host a foreign exchange student from Croatia. I'm not sure if we're gonna do it or not, but he's a basketball player. So my wife's pretty excited about that. So Doug. I don't know. We'll we'll see what that looks like, but you're right, man. It's gonna be something you can put your energies into.

Joe Martin [00:13:17]: I'm excited about that as well. Just kinda freeing up that space to to make a difference. Dogs.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:21]: Now I know you said you work with a lot of that middle school age population, but you also have done a lot with mentoring and and trying to build those strong relationships with not only the kids that you're mentoring, but your own son as well. And I know you've done things to be able to better understand what mentoring the is or should be. So talk to me about mentoring and the importance of mentoring in kids and what you found the That you've had to do to be that positive mentor for youth that you work with.

Joe Martin [00:13:50]: Yeah. We also talked a little bit before we got on about how we're kinda experts in our field, But our kids don't care. You know, you hear she was talking to your daughter about getting college admission. People pay you really good money to do that. People pay really good money to me to do fitness. Our kids do not care. So you kinda need that trusted resource outside of the home that can help, like a coach or something like that. That's kinda where I'd my I got a coaching background.

Joe Martin [00:14:11]: I coach fitness. I coach football. Doc. That's where my background came from. So so with some kind of some steps you could do if you're looking to connect with your kid, or maybe it's you're an uncle or something like that. You wanna help out one Doc. Your friend's daughters or something like that. You're an aunt.

Joe Martin [00:14:22]: Something like that you wanna help out. 1st, though, you gotta make a connection somehow. These kids have to know that you care about them. You have your best interest in mind. Doc. And I'm just saying, if they like it, I love it. You know, I got kids that they wanna talk about Minecraft. Not my favorite subject.

Joe Martin [00:14:35]: I don't know if you're familiar with Minecraft, but if they like it, I love it. So I'm gonna find out what is what is about it. I'm gonna, hey. What what are you doing with that pickaxe? And they're like, what do you know about pickaxe? I was like, well, what I Googled. That's what I know about it. But, Dog. Just kind of finding the the common ground that we can work from there. A lot of the kids I work with, they like my dog.

Joe Martin [00:14:52]: We can just talk about my dog because Doug. I I don't know if you've seen that with your kids that it's easier to get them to talk when you're doing an activity rather than sit down and just face to face, we're talking like we are right now. My son, it was Doc. Either we'll we'll be in the car and we'd be driving, so it's not the awkward, like, staring at each other, or we go throw the football or shoot baskets or do something else other than just sit there face to face and have Dads With conversation. We've had some of those, some important ones. You gotta sit down and do that. But to kinda get them to talk to you sometimes, it's easier if you're doing an activity. So we kinda take it Dog.

Joe Martin [00:15:21]: The approach, like, for me, it's fitness mentoring is what I look at it. The kids kinda come in and think, oh, I'm gonna exercise and get a little bit better shape and do some things like this. So it's not like Doc. Most kids are, hey. I wanna go get mentored. They don't really know what that means, but they've you know, I wanna go in there and do some fun exercise, move around a little bit. Because the first thing you do is gotta make that connection. Dom.

Joe Martin [00:15:39]: If you're a parent, you probably have that connection with your kid. But if you're mentoring another kid, you probably need to find some kind of way. I recommend looking and finding out what they're most into, and you get into it as well. Dog. And we start there. And then far as what we actually do together, far as goal setting and things like that, I'll talk to the parents, I'll talk to the kids, and we'll figure out a a realistic goal that they can do. Doc. Some of them just wanna move around a little bit, just feel better.

Joe Martin [00:15:59]: A lot of kids I work with, they're not athletes. They're more on the computer game side. They're ready to play the A video game or or read a book or something like that, more artistic or things like that, that the physical realm is not really something they're familiar with. I mean, just getting them moving a little bit is so big as far as mentally, the Physically, emotionally, all these different things because and a lot of them are have to do with bullying. So if we can just get talking about that, and that's a big thing, Dog. Especially at that age group. It's middle school, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th grade, around there. Like I said, I've been working with kids about 15 years and social media changed the game.

Joe Martin [00:16:29]: And then COVID changed it even more. Even the past 3 years, I've seen a huge difference in how the kids are in the past few years. A lot of it gets back to the parents. Docs. Some of them kinda checked out during the pandemic. They're dealing with so much other stuff. They kinda checked out and the kids are kinda left to do their own thing.

Joe Martin [00:16:45]: And just getting back in and making a physical connection. These kids, a lot of them don't have in person friends like we used to growing up that we didn't have choice. Doggy. The kids in your neighborhood and things like that. Some there's kids all around my neighborhood. I rarely see them outside. We I live right next to a park.

Joe Martin [00:16:59]: And unless there's organized sports, Dog. Many kids that just go out and play and do physical activities. Just kind of getting to reconnect with that and just get kids moving. It doesn't matter what kind of movement. We're not doing Docs. Some kind of serious fitness program or something like that. If we can just teach kids some general movement patterns and and we got one because I have a I got hardwood floors in my gym. 1 Dog.

Joe Martin [00:17:18]: Kid, he likes to take his shoes off. I have TRX. He likes to slide on his socks on the hardwood floors. And we have set up these foam rollers. So it's like this Angry Birds game where he knocks over the the Foam rollers like he's bowling himself. So it's great movement. He's moving. He's moving his body.

Joe Martin [00:17:31]: So find find another connection and getting them moving. Just those 2 things right there can make a huge difference for these

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:36]: So you've been doing fitness for a long time, and you as I said at the very beginning, you have a business called relentless positivity fitness. The And and you also have a podcast called relentless positivity podcast. And, you know, you're doing a lot of different things to engage people in different ways, kids, but also adults, To be able to push them to find fitness in their lives, what drew you into fitness, and why did you decide that this was your your calling and your passion?

Joe Martin [00:18:04]: I was an Athlete all growing up, all through high school. And then, I played football as my main sport. Start off as a tight end. If you're familiar with football, that guy blocks a little bit. He catches a little bit. I cannot catch very well, and I gained a lot of weight, Docs. So I became a lineman.

Joe Martin [00:18:15]: So if you're familiar with lineman, there's, like, big guys that run into other big guys. So so I was playing football. I was about 250, 260 pounds, and I got hurt. I was gonna go play in college, but I got hurt. So Dog. I put my whole life into football. That was all I care about in high school. I just knew I was going all the way.

Joe Martin [00:18:29]: Right? I was one of those kids that that that was kind of my identity. You know, when you're in high school, you've Dog. Find your niche, and that's who you are. I'm in the band. I'm play sports, so I do this. Whatever it is, you kinda put yourself in this box, and that's who you are. Dog. So without that, I I kinda felt lost.

Joe Martin [00:18:41]: You know, getting arrested, and I went to jail. And then just all these things started spiraling out of control. It got to the point where I was suicidal. That's Knowles. Passionate about working with these kids because I've been there too. So I kinda got to the point in my life that I gotta do something. And I started with losing weight Dog. Because I every time I looked in the mirror, it's just a reminder that I don't look good, I don't feel good, and I'm not the person I wanna be.

Joe Martin [00:19:02]: So I started Doc. With one little thing, just I started reading food label. They'll label full. They'll tell you what's in there, how many calories, and all these things, and what you're putting into your body. So I started there and started the Losing weight. Like I said, I lost 50 pounds. I felt great. Like, man, I would love to help other people have the same feeling.

Joe Martin [00:19:16]: So that's where I went from there. It's just that that's how I got into the fitness Dog. I've been on the other side where every day, you know, your body hurts and you don't feel good. This is not who I wanna be. Not that your weight defines who you are or anything like that, Dog. But it can be a reminder that, man, I just I just don't feel good.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:30]: You definitely can feel that way, especially as you get older and and the the Lack of movement, the lack of of intentional movement, I'll say, can definitely impact you and lead to the Other health implications in the future. Now as fathers, I think you said at the beginning, you know, we need to model the Not only the relationships that we want our kids to have, but we also need to model the lifestyle that we want our kids to see. And If we are out and we're active and we're actively engaging with them and we're playing shooting baskets or we're out doing walks or running or the At the gym or whatever it might be, our kids are gonna see that. None. They may not follow. As you said, you've been doing fitness and your kid doesn't like to listen to you. I get that. But at the same time, though they don't say that they are listening, they're listening or they're seeing, and it does impact in many different ways.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:27]: So the For a father that is hearing your journey and thinking to themselves, I need to take that next step because the I'm hurting. I can't keep up with my kids. I am having a hard time just day to day, and I need to do something to start moving the needle. The What are some things that they can do to start that? Maybe not even going to a gym, but just starting something to be able to Docs. Start seeing some gains in some aspects.

Joe Martin [00:20:56]: I think the biggest mistake people make, and you'll see it in January, but when the gym is absolutely packed the 1st 2 weeks of January, the And then by week 3, 4, it started to look like a ghost town. You know, they say by 90 days into the new year, 90% of people started working out, they're done. It's over. They've given up. So people come in and wanna do I'm gonna exercise for 2 hours every day. I'm gonna eat broccoli and chicken every this is my year, and it's not sustainable. I suggest you start with something so small that it seems like nothing. That you have on a scale of 1 to 10, you're about a 9 or 10.

Joe Martin [00:21:27]: I could definitely Doc. Maybe it's a 5 minute walk. I don't know where you are in your journey right now. Maybe you need to take a 5 minute walk. Walk around the block. Maybe you do a couple squats. Dog. Maybe go and ride your bike.

Joe Martin [00:21:37]: Something so small, maybe you just need to drink a little more water, and then you start adding these on. So if you can just do one thing, do it consistently, and then you layer things on. The 5 minutes this week. Maybe you do. Maybe you do 7 minutes next week around the block. Go a little bit further. Because what you'll find usually if you start with that 5 minutes, oh, well, I can do 10 today. With the whole thing, the As humans, we're we're built to conserve energy.

Joe Martin [00:21:57]: Right? That's just kinda through evolution. That's what got us here. So naturally, we are quote, unquote lazy. Docs. That's just your body trying to save you from doing we're not supposed to be out there running marathons. Right? So if you can do that, if you can just talk yourself into that 5 minutes, Doc. Usually, a lot more will actually happen. But if not, at least you got that 5 minutes in.

Joe Martin [00:22:14]: You're getting consistent with it. Because don't be the person that goes in and they just Dog. Have an amazing 1 week in January, and then the other 51 weeks, they do not get I'd much rather you come in slow. Number 1, you're not gonna hurt yourself like a lot of people do. Doc. It's gonna be sustainable, and you're gonna go slowly add these on where it's not overwhelming and it's sustainable. You want a plan that's sustainable that you actually enjoy. If you can find a way to move your body that the like, don't not what someone told you is the best way to burn fat or build muscle or all this.

Joe Martin [00:22:42]: What do you like to do? I remember years ago at my church, there was this guy, Dog. 80 year old man. He kinda came up to me. He's like, oh, asking me these fitness questions. He said, well, this is kind of embarrassing, but I like to do hip hop abs. He had a VCR tape with Sean Tee. This guy did hip hop ads. The guy is probably not the target market for this video, but he did it all the time, and he did great.

Joe Martin [00:23:02]: It's like, that's not embarrassing, man. That's awesome. I wish I was in my eighties doing a hip hop ab routine. That's very cool. So it's just finding a way you enjoy moving your body and doing on a consistent basis Doc. And be amazed at what other habits start coming in. Because you start exercising a little more, well, maybe I'll start eating a little bit better because maybe I can, you know, do a little bit better in my class that I'm taking or I go a little bit further.

Joe Martin [00:23:21]: Drink a little more water, none of them exercising more. And maybe if you cut down on my drinking a little bit, and all these things start kinda layering in. But if you try to do them all at once, they all tend to just fall off.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:31]: Definitely, I've seen that as well. And you're completely right. You get into that mode of the, New Year's resolutions. And you say, oh, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that. And a lot of times, the bar is set so high, it's really hard to maintain. And the So then at the end, you end up failing. And and that says something to your kids do, and they see that. The Indeed. I I think you're completely right when you say that you start small and start something just to start something and then work up from there. The Doesn't mean you have to be ready for an ultra marathon a month into working out.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:08]: You're not gonna be there, and that's okay. You just have to take the time to prepare Doc. And to move toward the goals that you want to set and be and then go from there as well.

Joe Martin [00:24:18]: And I think it's very important to let your kids see you struggle with exercise. If it's tough, you don't don't hide that from your kid. Let them see because they're gonna be there one day, whether it's it's an injury or maybe they'll let themselves get out of shape or maybe they don't exercise at all now. But they see you Docs. Doing that dead I love to see people who look like they haven't exercised in a way, but they're out there doing it. That's the people that people try to make fun of and things like that. I love to see people out there. So Docs.

Joe Martin [00:24:39]: Those are people that haven't given up. I think that says much more to your kids than someone who's always stayed in shape and things like that. It's so hard to start. Doc. Just whatever it is, it's so hard to get going. If you can just get started, that's usually the hardest part. So letting your kids see that it's okay to struggle. They'll they'll Put that maybe they're not fitness or something like that.

Joe Martin [00:24:55]: Maybe it's school or or relationships or things like that. Seeing you struggle and not give up is so important. Like you Talked About Modeling. That's a huge thing right there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:03]: It definitely is. Now I know I mentioned the fact that you also have a podcast and a book. Doc. Talk to me about those. And what are people gonna find if they, you know, listen in to your relentless positivity podcast or they pick up the book itself? What's your hope that the When someone listens or when they read, what are they gonna take out of

Joe Martin [00:25:21]: those? With the podcast, I started that during the pandemic. I think a lot of people found a little no time on their hands. I wrote the book during the pandemic as well. It's just all I saw on the news was negativity, and that's what was kinda was just everywhere. Whether you're reading or watching the news or anything like that, I just wanna counterbalance that with having people on there that are like yourself that are doing amazing things out in the world that maybe people don't they haven't heard about it that need to be highlighted Noor stories or people out there that are changing the worlds in their neighborhood. Those unsung heroes. I love to highlight them. And just fun stories and maybe some dad jokes in there.

Joe Martin [00:25:51]: You know, those are very important Docs. And things like that. They weren't getting shared. So I just that's why I started that, and it's just what we're doing. And then with the book, I just wanted to have it's kinda more I call it infotainment. Doc. Right. So I share stories from my life to kinda have some lessons about how you can lose weight, get in shape, and have less back pain, and things like that.

Joe Martin [00:26:06]: That they're not about, here's Docs. Exactly what to do and why you're an idiot if you don't do it this way. There's options. There's ways to do it. There's strategies and things like that. And some inspiration. All those things that I Dog. I think there's a lot of negativity in the fitness world that people if you don't do it this way, then there's no other way to do it.

Joe Martin [00:26:22]: So this kinda would giving people options, giving them inspiration, and you're doing it the In a positive manner because it's gonna get tough. You know, how do you handle the rough times when they come in? Whether it's, you know, life or your fitness or things like that. Do you handle the tough times? That's what's gonna define who you are and what you succeed in life about. So I just wanna kinda help people out with that. Just see I just trying to fill needs that I thought were not being filled. So that's kinda why the Start with the book as well as the podcast.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:43]: Oh, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Joe Martin [00:26:50]: I'm ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:50]: The In one word, what is fatherhood?

Joe Martin [00:26:52]: Strength.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:53]: When's the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father?

Joe Martin [00:26:56]: I think when my son did his commitment to the Air Force Dog. To play basketball. Man, that was just a culmination of all these years of watching him struggle and become who he is as a man. It's just it was a great moment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:06]: Now if I was to talk to your son, How would he describe you as a dad?

Joe Martin [00:27:10]: Goofy yet serious about discipline.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:12]: Who inspires you to be a better dad?

Joe Martin [00:27:14]: That's my dad. I watched it growing up. Got to see it Firsthand, best dad ever.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:18]: Now you've given a lot of piece of advice today as we finish up. What's 1 piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad?

Joe Martin [00:27:24]: Don't give up on. Yeah. Doc. I wanna look back on my life when I was like I said, I was in jail, been on probation, all these different things. My life did not look that great. Don't give up on those kids. Just a snapshot of my life. It looked like I was going nowhere.

Joe Martin [00:27:36]: I had no future, nothing going on. Wasn't very good at school. The Literally did not how to know how to spell the word business. Spelled it wrong till I got to college. It didn't look good, but my parents never gave up on me. And I've turned it around, Dog. And your kids

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:48]: can too. Well, Joe, I really appreciate you being here today. If people wanna find out more about you and what you're doing, where's the best place for them to go? I

Joe Martin [00:27:55]: can go to my website, the fit and positive .com. You can look it's got the link for the podcast. It's got the book on there, the mentoring program, if you wanna know. If you just wanna talk about how you can help your kids, you the With the mentoring or anything like that, you can reach out. It's got my contact information on there. Before I go, if you're listening right now, you need to stop and give this man Docs. A 5 star review on whatever podcast platform you're listening for. We need more strong dads out there raising strong daughters, and he's doing the world a the Good service out here.

Joe Martin [00:28:19]: Give him a 5 star review. He deserved it. You know, you've listened to him before. He deserved your 5 stars. You do that right now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:24]: Well, I appreciate you saying that, Joe. And I truly do appreciate all that you're doing to be able to inspire kids around you, inspire your own son as he prepares for the future, and I wish you all the best.

Joe Martin [00:28:35]: Thank you very much. Thank you for having me on. This is great. Keep up the great work. I'd love to have you on my podcast as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:39]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information the that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, the And more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:26]: Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters the And be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat, the and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time.

We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents. Bring your A game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just Dog. Like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, Domino's. Be the best dad you can be.

Dads With Daughters is part of The Dads Podcast Network, powered by DadsSupportingDads.org

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As the societal landscape continues to evolve, it's crucial for dads to have open conversations and seek understanding when it comes to supporting youth in the LGBTQIA+ community. In a recent episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, David Samson, a father and advocate for LGBTQIA+ youth, shared his experiences and insights. From fatherhood to the work he does at Time Out Youth, Samson shed light on the challenges, triumphs, and the importance of creating a supportive environment for LGBTQIA+ youth. In this blog post, we explore key takeaways from the conversation to provide guidance for dads looking to support their children and other LGBTQIA+ youth.

Fatherhood: A Journey of Understanding and Acceptance

Fatherhood is often described as a journey, and for David Samson, it's a journey filled with unique challenges and triumphs. Samson emphasized the importance of creating a supportive community for fathers raising daughters and navigating the complexities of fatherhood. He underlined the significance of not parenting alone and highlighted the need for fathers to engage with other dads for support and guidance.

For fathers of LGBTQIA+ youth, Samson's perspective offers a valuable reminder that parenthood is an ongoing learning process. Each child's journey is unique, and it's crucial to provide unwavering love and support no matter what. Samson beautifully articulated the joy and challenges of being a father, touching on profound moments such as the first day his son went to school, demonstrating the emotional layers of parenthood.

Supporting LGBTQIA+ Youth: Challenges and Opportunities

When discussing his work at Time Out Youth, Samson highlighted the vital support they offer to LGBTQIA+ youth. From mental health services to housing support and community engagement, the organization serves as a beacon of acceptance and advocacy. The issues faced by LGBTQIA+ youth are complex and varied, ranging from homelessness to societal unacceptance. Samson discussed the challenges faced by trans and nonbinary youth, emphasizing the crucial need for understanding and support in today's society.

Through his insights, Samson underscored the impact of the recent years, including the COVID-19 pandemic, on LGBTQIA+ youth. The increased periods of isolation and trauma have highlighted the critical need for supportive environments and understanding from family and the broader community. Dads of LGBTQIA+ youth can leverage resources such as Time Out Youth and PFLAG to enrich their understanding and create safer, more supportive spaces for their children.

Embracing Change and Acceptance

An essential aspect of Samson's narrative is the potential conflicts parents may encounter when their children come out. He emphasized the importance of choosing to support and believe in one's child, even when it challenges long-held beliefs. Samson acknowledged the internal struggles but emphasized the necessity of prioritizing one's child over preconceived beliefs. Dads in this situation can find solace in resources like PFLAG and Trevor Project, which offer guidance and support in navigating conversations and acceptance.

Educating and Advocating

A Call to Action for Dads Samson highlighted the importance of being actively involved in youth-serving organizations and advocating for the LGBTQIA+ community. By participating in local prides, engaging with neighbors, and opening conversations about acceptance, dads can foster inclusive communities. Being present and supportive serves as a powerful start to effecting positive change in society.

The conversation with David Samson offers valuable insights and guidance for dads looking to provide support and understanding for their LGBTQIA+ children and other youth. As fathers, embracing change, practicing patience, and committing to learning and understanding are essential in creating inclusive environments for all children. By engaging with resources and proactive conversations, dads can empower themselves to be unwavering beacons of love and acceptance for LGBTQIA+ you

Navigating fatherhood while supporting LGBTQIA+ youth presents its own set of challenges and responsibilities. However, by acknowledging the significance of acceptance, education, and advocacy, fathers can create an environment that nurtures and uplifts all children, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. The conversation with David Samson provides a compelling and informative starting point for fathers to embark on this journey and become stalwart advocates for LGBTQIA+ youth.

Through empathy, openness, and a willingness to learn, dads can play a pivotal role in shaping an inclusive world for their LGBTQIA+ children and others in the community.

In conclusion, Samson's insights and experiences highlight the transformative power of loving and supporting one's children unconditionally, thereby forging a future that embraces and celebrates diversity and inclusion in all its forms.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong independent women. Doc. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love being able to sit down with you, to work with you, to be able to talk to you Dog. About this journey that you and I are both on. I've tie told you before, I've got 2 daughters myself. I've been where you are at, And I know that every day is a little bit different, and every day is a journey. The biggest thing here that and I say this over and over again to you is that the You don't have to do this alone.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:54]: It is so important to know that there is a community of fathers out there that you can reach out to, that you can talk to. The You don't have to go alone and think that you have to father alone because that's really lonely, and that is really Docs. It's something that that that a lot of times as society, we've kinda feel like we have to man up. We have to the Figure it out for ourselves and you don't. So that's why it's so important that every week we sit down, we talk, we learn together from other their fathers from other people with many different resources that they're sharing to be able to help you on this journey that you're on. Every week, I also love being able to bring you different guests, the different people that have had different experiences that are fathers that have resources that are here to help you Doc. To be that dad that you wanna be in today, we got another great guest. David Sampson is with us today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:49]: And David is a father. He is the He lives down in North Carolina, works for a organization called Time Out Youth, and we're gonna talk more about that today. The David has worked to raise over $30,000,000 in funds to support nonprofits, but he works with youth to help youth in many different ways. And the And the things that he's doing, especially in the intersection of working with LGBTQ youth, I think is really important because the All of us are working with different kids. Our kids are maybe in that same community, and we have to be able to support our kids no matter what. The So it is important to understand and to know, you know, what David has learned along the way in working with youth, the But also learn about his own experience in being a father as well. So I'm really excited to have him here. David, thanks so much for being here today.

David Samson [00:02:41]: Hey. Thanks so much. It's so great to be here and to be able to share some perspective with you and the great folks who are listening and who you're supporting. I really appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:50]: I appreciate you being on. And 1st and foremost, we gotta talk about you being a dad because you are a father of a son. I wanna turn the clock back in time. I wanna go back to that first moment that you found out you were going to be a the Father, what was going through your head?

David Samson [00:03:01]: I have a 5 year old son. Gosh. When I found out I was gonna be a dad, it was At the end of a very long journey, Jasper was born via surrogacy. So the planning for him to come really was Decades worth of work, honestly. It was, you know, saving money and planning and trying to understand what it meant to be a gay dad in this world. We had just no marriage equality. So we were sort of in the midst of a transition as a country, but I always knew the From the day that, really, I became an adult that I wanted to be a parent. So to have that opportunity to have and and raise such an an amazing boy was a dream come true, no Quite honestly, I remember the 2nd we got the positive pregnancy test, I was just, like, in tears.

David Samson [00:03:48]: And I don't think I stopped crying from that point until Dom. The 2nd I held them in my arms for the 1st time, it was really magical.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:56]: Now I have to ask this question because I think the You have that glow and that that magic. As you said, it's magical when you're holding your child for the 1st time, but it's not always roses. It's not always the Positives. The there's ups and downs to parenting, and you have to learn along the way how to balance all of that. Talk to me about what's been the hardest part the for you in being a father.

David Samson [00:04:19]: So it's I feel like it's different for every parent. Right? Like, Jasper was the easiest infant. He really was. You know, we sleep trained him. And from the time he was 12 weeks old, he was sleeping 12 hours a night. Like, it was unbelievable. And then he turned 3. And when he turns 3, it was like, oh, This is what everybody is talking about because up until that point, I'm telling you, he was the easiest kid. Even when he learned to walk and, you know, was running around, he was still pretty the Cautious. He didn't you know, wasn't too reckless, didn't injure himself or do anything, but, man, he really found his space when he turned 3. The And kinda since then until now, it's I feel like we've gotten our our punch of tough parenting. So we've learned to set boundaries. We've learned, the Kinda what it means to push back, and we've learned a lot of his tricks along the way. But it's a different experience for everyone, but infant, easy. Toddler, tough.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:22]: So as a father, what would you say has been your biggest fear in raising a child in today's society?

David Samson [00:05:28]: Feel like I'm always gonna say the wrong And I think that that is a fear that every parent has. You know, I think back to to my childhood, and there are A lot of things that my parents said to me that stuck. So I always try and pause a little bit before I speak. I listen to him. I try and look at him and and try and figure out what he's going through in that moment and what he actually needs As opposed to looking at him throwing a tantrum on the floor. So, yeah, I feel like just really thinking about the words that come out of my mouth, really Understanding the impact that everything that we say as parents have on our kids. But, yeah, it's a it's a fear I live with every day that I'm gonna traumatize them somehow say the wrong thing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:14]: I smile at that because I think that I think every father feels that way, that what we say, what we do is going to, as you said, scar them, the Make you know, do something that's going to impact who they become. And I think that it's the Possible that there are things that you can do definitely that could scar them or impact them, but they're pretty resilient. The And they definitely forgive more than and they forget things a lot more so than we do. So just to give you some some perspective.

David Samson [00:06:47]: I appreciate that. Yeah. I've learned how to apologize more as a parent than ever than at any point in my life. Like, I've gotten really good at saying I'm sorry to my son because I think that's really important. Right? Because you're always wondering, is this the moment that he's never gonna forgive me for Slightly raising my voice, and I'm like, oh, I just you know, I curl up like a kid in the corner. I really do. I'm like, I want you to be okay. I want you to feel love, and I don't want you to to, you know, to feel this energy that I'm giving off right now in this sort of heated moment.

David Samson [00:07:19]: So, yeah, thank you for that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:21]: The Now one of the things that I I just mentioned was the fact that as a parent, as a father, you do have to find that balance for yourself the To be that engaged dad that you wanna be, but then there's also the pull to the work that you do and the things that you do to provide the family as well. So talk to me about balance in thus far how you have had to or what you have had to do To balance both work and raising your son.

David Samson [00:07:51]: Yeah. Because he can't do one without the other, Right. As it turns out. And I've had progressive responsibilities in my role here at Time Out Youth. I I started in the midst of the pandemic as the director of development and then the director of advancement. Now I'm the the chief operating officer. So it's not like my my work has gotten less. It's gotten much more.

David Samson [00:08:11]: So I find myself really Struggling at times to have the time to to dedicate, but you have to. Luckily, I work for a wonderful nonprofit who understands that work, life balance is incredibly important. They know Jasper. They love Jasper. They see me as a person, first here at Time Out Youth and not a number in, you know, no Some big corporations. So I I'm lucky enough to have a supportive work family who respects my home life. I start my day by getting up with him or he'll crawl into bed with us and curl up for 20 minutes, no If that ever ends, I'm just gonna lose my mind because those are the best moments, but it's really nice to start my day with him. The You know what I mean? I just get to start my day with my son, and it centers me immediately.

David Samson [00:09:01]: You know? And then I get up, and I read my work emails, and my brain gets going, and then I have to stop again, and I have to make breakfast for him. And then I have more moments with him in the morning. And then it's no A struggle getting him ready for school and packing his backpack and rushing around and getting out the door, but then more moments in the car. So I think that truly finding those steady moments throughout the day when you're together, even when you're in the midst of, you know, your busiest time at work or whatever it might be. Truly just capturing and having those very few moments with him, even if they might be fleeting, are Incredible opportunities to bond as parents, and I really value them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:44]: It is really important to find those moments, Dom. As you said, the the opportunities to make those specific bonds with your child. Now you have 1 child. Now the What do you do individually as a dad to be able to make that connection, to develop that connection with your son? The Because we know that each child is unique, but that your children may have very different interests in very different ideas of what is fun than what you may think is fun. So what do you do to be able to build that unique relationship the that you want to have with your son.

David Samson [00:10:23]: No. You're exactly right. He's into totally different stuff than I was when I was a kid or I am now. I was a music major in college, so I had this, like, grand vision that my son was gonna come out and be a the A pianist or a vocalist or something, and that is not happening, which is sort of heartbreaking for me. My husband bought us a the Piano for my birthday last year. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna teach Jasper how to play the piano. He's gonna sit down with me. Like, You know, like, my mom sat down with me and taught to you know, taught me to play the piano.

David Samson [00:10:57]: He doesn't care at all. Nothing. Now he can he knows where middle c is. We've done a few lessons, but he would much rather go do, like, LEGO robotics, which is, like, So far outside of the realm of anything that I was interested in or am interested in. So I feel like for a while, I tried to push him into things that were in my comfort zone, but it has nothing to do with my comfort zone. It's about supporting him and the things that he wants to do and Really fostering that that passion and that fire in whatever it is that he wants. So he's only 5. Right? So we're still in the midst of, like, the Trying to figure out exactly what it is that he likes or what he's good at or what he thinks he's good at.

David Samson [00:11:39]: So we still try and push him in as many different directions as we can. But when he latches onto something and when we can kinda see the wheels turning in his head, It's really exciting. And we latch onto that with him, and we get excited for him. And we're already finding ourselves, like, the Pushing him towards the things that he really loves and, you know, just going all in with him as much as we can.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:04]: Well, that's so fun. And and maybe there's some intersection there. Because if he likes the LEGO robotics, you maybe you can do some stop motion type things where you bring music to the robotics that he builds And do something fun like that.

David Samson [00:12:18]: Yeah. Look inside the piano lid and see the hammer. Right? Like, yeah, it's super cool. It's all connected. They'll figure it out. We'll help them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]: Now You mentioned the fact that you are or I mentioned the fact that you are a part of Time Out Youth. You talked about that as well and the organization itself. Tell me more about Time Out Youth. I know it's been around since 1991. It's serving LGBTQIA plus youth, but tell me more about the organization, What your mission is and how you're working with youth in many different ways.

David Samson [00:12:49]: Yeah. Absolutely. So you mentioned it has been around since 1991, and that's right. The We are the oldest in the Carolinas, and we are also the biggest in the Carolinas. In between, Washington DC and Northern the Florida. Time out youth is the standard of LGBT youth centers on the East Coast. So our mission, is to support LGBTQ the youth by offering vital programs, fostering unconditional acceptance, and creating safe spaces for self expression through leadership, the community support and advocacy. So we do that in a number of ways.

David Samson [00:13:23]: Our bread and butter are youth 13 to 24 the Here in the Charlotte Metro region, we have mental health services, free counseling services. We offer really vital housing support the Services here at Time Out Youth. And then we have social interaction space. So 5 days a week, we offer programming whether virtually or in person here in the center. The And then Fridays Saturdays, we have drop ins space. So Friday nights are for our big kids, so 18 to 24. And then Saturdays are for our younger youth who no We're 13 to 18. So on any given day from the time we get here at 10 o'clock up until school's out, We're usually offering housing services, job search functions to our kids who are houseless or have been kicked out of their homes due to unacceptance.

David Samson [00:14:12]: So in in that time period, we're really seeing a very specific group of kids. And then in the evenings, it's anyone's guess. These are kids. So we might have 30 or 40 kids who are coming in and just wanna hang out and play video games, or we might be having a trans specific group That evening or talking to our our youth who identify as asexual, any number of things can happen at any given moment here. Along with all that, we also offer community engagement work. So we have a really fantastic community engagement manager who goes out into the community, the Works with educators, administrators, corporations, small businesses, you name it, and helps to educate folks on the best way To serve LGBTQ youth when they're not within safe space of our 4 walls. So last year, she educated 2,000 community members here in the metro regions. It's really a full slate of services that we offer our youth as well as our community.

David Samson [00:15:09]: I'm really proud of and the work that we do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:11]: Now you work with a lot of different youth or your organization does as well, and I'm sure you do as well. And the Things have changed over the years. I know many people that were very silent when I was growing up and did not the Come out until college or beyond because of the unacceptance in society. I'm seeing much more now the In the generation that my children are in, that at least children are very accepting and are much more accepting the than they would have been when I was a youth. So as you're working with these youth, what are some of the big issues the that they are bringing to you. You talked about homelessness, but what are some of the other issues that are really prevalent in today's LGBTQ youth that other people may not be aware of.

David Samson [00:16:05]: Yeah. You know, you're right that things have changed, especially politically. Right? What has not changed is that there is still rampant unacceptance in the form of religion, in the form of the Family structure that is unsupportive traditionally of our youth and that sometimes these kids have no place to go. Those kids are always going to exist. Docs. Whether we turn the clocks forward 50 years, there's always gonna be something. And especially for our trans and nonbinary youth, Especially here in the south. Things are very different in New England or California even than they are here in North Carolina.

David Samson [00:16:45]: The In North Carolina, there is a a really large movement to really isolate our trans and nonbinary youth because as we've seen at no Any point throughout this movement, people don't understand, and they're just scared of what they don't understand. So we really work hard the To help people understand what our youth are going through, how to support them, and who they can be as people just to make These kids not feel so alone. These feelings of isolation, especially after 2020 and 2021 when a lot of our youth were forced To stay in unsupportive homes around the clock 247, there's a lot of trauma that happened in those years that were unraveling. And as our youth reemerge and, you know, come back into the building still, there was a lot that happened there that that we need to work through, and and we're working hand in hand every day with those youth to try and figure it out with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:37]: Now there are dads out there that may have young kids, the may have kids that are struggling right now and trying to figure out who they are and try or they know who they are, but they're the Scared to come to their parents with that reality of who they are themselves? Are there specific things that you would recommend to dads, To parents that could help to create that atmosphere in the home that would allow for them the For that home to be that accepting place. And the 2nd piece of that is if personally, as a father, you have the Views that are contrary to typically accepting LGBTQ, but your child comes to you the And says, I am this way. I feel this way. I am this person. How do you reconcile that Doc. And are there resources that can help you to move and to a accepting of the person in that sense, Even though you may still have those fundamental beliefs that are at opposite ends.

David Samson [00:18:44]: Yeah. It's an internal struggle. I'm not that person, but I I understand that those people exist. You know what I mean? It makes total sense. My dad was the An air force colonel. He was in the air force for 30 years, and I grew up around this toxic masculinity that really invaded a lot of our family life. And so as a young person coming out, I was terrified.

David Samson [00:19:09]: I was absolutely terrified. My mother's a pastor. I get it. No. It turns out that they were incredibly accepting, and I had nothing to worry about. The But that's just not the case. But I there's a choice to be made. Is your kid gonna come first? And I know that sounds harsh, but, truly, Doc.

David Samson [00:19:29]: Is your kid gonna come first? Do they come above these beliefs that you have developed for yourself your entire life? The Are you willing to change for your child? Because your child is not going to change for you. They might pretend. You know? They might pretend until they're 18, but the You're running such a risk, and how sad to run the risk of losing a child just because you, as an adult, who should have the skills the change. You're just so unwilling. So, yeah, there's a choice to be had, and there are great resources out there. PFLAG, which stands for the Parents and friends of lesbians and gays. There's a chapter in every major city in the United States and no A lot of smaller cities in the United States. So go to pflag.org and find resources to help you as a parent Navigate that with your child.

David Samson [00:20:21]: It's incredibly important. You know, we started this conversation with me saying I was always scared I was gonna say the wrong thing. It's the Really easy to say the wrong thing to someone who is so fragile in the coming out process, whether they're coming out as gay or lesbian or Brands or nonbinary or whatever it is. There are very specific things that you can say that are not gonna help and that will just Make your child feel even, you know, more isolated and even more of an outcast than they already feel like they are. Dogs. So it's important to be careful and to really consider every step along the way the impact that that that you're gonna have on your child.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:00]: I think it's so important, and, the You know, I've talked to other fathers that have youth that are at many different aspects of the spectrum in regard to the Whether they are they're they're gay, they're lesbian, they're, you know, they're asexual, they're trans, and They go through their own journey just like their child goes through a journey of better understanding. And I think one of the things that I hear from I've heard from them many times is the The some of the times, the challenges of pronouns and changing your brain to think in different ways. And I think one of the things you said earlier is so important, especially when you have a child that is LGBTQIA QIA plus and they come to you and start talking is to be honest and open with them and say, I'm gonna make mistakes, And I may use the wrong pronoun. I may say something that's going to upset you, and we need to be able to the Talk and communicate and be willing to have this type of conversation so that I can learn just as you're learning about who you are.

David Samson [00:22:14]: Yeah. It takes an extra layer of patience sometimes, and I totally get it. Like, you know, a teenager is still a teenager. Right. So if you tell a teenager, like, be patient with me, they're not gonna be patient with you. They're a teenager. But I get it. It's this extra layer.

David Samson [00:22:29]: And the the pronouns conversation, It's the easiest one to have. You're gonna make mistakes. Absolutely. It's okay. You say sorry. You correct yourself. You move on. That's it.

David Samson [00:22:38]: You know what I mean? You don't make a big deal. Those struggles that people have with with pronouns are not about the person that is asking you to use the correct pronouns as about themselves. I'm named after my dad. I understand that if I changed my name to him, Dom. That would have seems like some sort of slap in the face because he gave me his name. That happens all the time. But, again, That's not about him. Like, it's a choice that you as a parent have to make to respect your child and to believe your child and just listen to your DIL.

David Samson [00:23:11]: And I hope that the majority of people out there do that and understand that truly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:16]: Now for dads that are out there that the May not have a child that is a part of the LGBTQIA plus community, but they want Docs. Support the community, and they want to support other youth, other friends of their children. What's the best way for them to advocate or to support the The community from a external perspective.

David Samson [00:23:39]: Yeah. Absolutely. So find your local, youth serving organization, LGBTQ youth serving organization. They're smaller in a lot of places, but they're incredibly vital resources. You can go to our website, which is no Time at youth dot org, and we have a resource section where you can go find local pflag chapters. You can go read Trevor Project studies. I mean, Trevor Project also has an the amount of resources, including crisis resources throughout the United States. So but, really, go support those organizations and show up where you can.

David Samson [00:24:12]: Show up at your local prides. Show up in support of your youth at schools and out in the community, and just Be there as a supportive face and as a smiling face. Showing up is half the battle. Right? So really just being there is is Enough sometimes.

David Samson [00:24:28]: Well and the other thing that I think that I'd throw out there is as you get involved and if you bring your families and have them be involved, the You can start having conversations and start to allow your children to better understand the The people that are around them and that there are differences, and that's okay, And that it normalizes things as well.

David Samson [00:24:54]: Yeah. No. Absolutely. It's the know your neighbor campaign. You can put a the Face and a name to all of these different labels that society has put on us. So, yeah, having those conversations is an incredible first step. Doc.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:07]: Now, David, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

David Samson [00:25:15]: Oh, boy. Ready?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:18]: In one word, what is fatherhood? Floating. When was a time when you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father.

David Samson [00:25:26]: The 1st day that Jasper went to big kids' school, he gave me a hug, he turned around, And he walked in that front door confidently.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:37]: Now if I was to talk to your son, how would he describe you as a dad?

David Samson [00:25:42]: I hope that he would see Me as the caretaker. My husband is the fun dad. He plays with him not more, but better than I ever could. I think That. I think I'm the caregiver. I don't know. That's a tough one.

David Samson [00:25:58]: I cook and I drive him to school and, you know, I clean. I I feel like that's my zone. You know what I mean? So I don't know. Ask me in 10 years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:07]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

David Samson [00:26:09]: My dad. He was incredible.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:12]: Now you have given a number of pieces of advice, resources that dads can take and can use for themselves. The As we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice that you'd wanna give to every dad?

David Samson [00:26:23]: Be patient with yourself. We've talked a lot about mistakes in this conversation. Know that you're gonna make mistakes And learn to forgive yourself and know the importance of apologizing to your kid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:35]: Well, David, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your story and for telling us more about Time Out Youth. I really appreciate the work that you and your organization is doing, and I wish you all the best.

David Samson [00:26:49]: Thank you, Chris. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for having me on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:52]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the dads with daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are the Figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. The Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, the But more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together.org. If you are the Father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:41]: We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be.

We're all in the same boat, and it's Full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents. The the mind blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Donuts. Get out and be the world, choose them. Be the best dad you can be!

Dads With Daughters is part of The Dads Podcast Network, powered by DadsSupportingDads.org

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In a heartfelt and insightful episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, best-selling author, pastor, and evangelist Kelly K shares his personal journey of parenting, step-parenting, and maintaining faith in the modern world. Joining the host, Christopher Lewis, Kelly K offers valuable advice and wisdom on the importance of consistency, faith, and instilling self-worth in children. Let's delve into the key highlights of this enriching conversation.

Consistency in Parenting and Faith:

Kelly K underscores the significance of consistency in parenting, emphasizing the need to instill godly principles in children despite the evolving landscape of parenting approaches. His message of open and honest communication, treating children with respect, and nurturing self-worth resonates deeply in today's world. By sharing his personal experiences in guiding his daughter through challenging relationships and finding solace in the teachings of the Bible, Kelly K encourages parents to embrace a steadfast approach in shaping their children's lives.

Parenting Daughters and Instilling Self-Worth:

Christopher Lewis delves into Kelly K's experience of being a father to daughters, acknowledging the challenges of instilling value and self-worth in them. Through Kelly K's candid narrative of guiding his daughter through difficult relationships and ultimately witnessing her find a godly partner, listeners gain invaluable insights into the complexities of raising strong, independent daughters. This segment serves as a reminder of the pivotal roles fathers play in shaping their daughters' identities and fostering their resilience.

Using Social Media as a Mission Field:

Kelly K's unexpected journey of utilizing TikTok to spread messages of religion and spirituality unveils a fresh perspective on engaging with a younger demographic. By viewing social media as a mission field and voicing the initial hesitance followed by a divine calling to connect with the platform, Kelly K presents a compelling narrative of adapting to novel ways of spreading faith and values.

Authentic Content Creation and Faith:

Emphasizing the essence of authenticity in content creation for the younger generation, Kelly K touches upon the significance of making biblical truths relatable and comprehensible in today's society. His success on TikTok is attributed to providing a fresh perspective on biblical teachings, underscoring the impact of authenticity and relevance in reaching a global audience through social media.

Empowering Through Devotionals and Writing:

Kelly K's transition to becoming an author and the motivation behind writing "Think About That for a Minute, Volume 2, a 40-day devotional for a fresh perspective" further exemplifies his unwavering commitment to sharing God's word. Addressing the pressing issue of biblical illiteracy in today's generation, Kelly K's dedication to crafting devotionals that resonate with his audience signifies an empowering endeavor.

Navigating Step-Parenting and Family Dynamics:

Kelly K's poignant account of his step-parenting journey sheds light on the complexities and rewards of building strong family bonds. His emphasis on displaying love, grace, and mercy towards stepchildren serves as a testament to the transformative power of genuine relationships, offering guidance to individuals navigating similar challenges.

Kelly K's profound insights on parenting, faith, and embracing modern platforms to spread meaningful messages serve as an inspiration to parents, step-parents, and individuals seeking to integrate faith into their everyday lives. His unwavering commitment to instilling self-worth, resilience, and values in children resonates deeply, affirming the enduring impact of love, grace, and faith in our journey through parenthood.

In conclusion, this episode of Dads with Daughters with Kelly K imparts invaluable wisdom, serving as a guiding light for individuals navigating the intricate roles of parenting, step-parenting, and living a faith-driven life. For more engaging conversations and insights on fatherhood, join the Fatherhood Insider and the Dads with Daughters Facebook community. Visit kellykministries.com for more information about Kelly K and his transformative work.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Docs. Really excited to have you back again this week. I love being able to sit down and talk to you every week about the journey that you're on the In raising those daughters of yours. Every week, we have a great opportunity to be able to listen, to learn, to the Walk on this path together. And I say it's a path together because, you know, I've got 2 daughters. I know you've got daughters. You're listening because Dogs.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:48]: You're passionate about your kids, and it is so important to be open to learning because there's no one right way to father. Dog. It's so important that you are open to be able to listen to others and listen to their experiences because you may find some kernels, some things that are Dom. Help you along the journey that you're on as well. I love being able to also bring you different people, different guests, different men, women, Dog. And others that have had different journeys, that they've been on different journeys themselves, that have different experiences and different resources that they can share with you. And today, Dog. Got another great guest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:27]: Kelly Kaye is with us, and Kelly Kaye is a best selling author, pastor, and evangelist the Whose passion is traveling the world telling people about Jesus. Kelly Kaye has made a huge impact internationally by leveraging social media with daily the Teaching videos on TikTok. Kelly's unique style of speaking and communicating the Bible has captured the heart and attention of 1,000,000. The He's also got a brand new book that he's working on. He's authored a couple of different books including Think About That For a Minute, the Volume 1 and volume 2, get lit, stay lit, spread it, and reckless love revolution. So it's got a brand new book that we're gonna be talking about as well that he's just finishing up, gonna be sending out into the world here very soon. But the Above and beyond that, he and his wife, Lindsay, have 5 children, and 3 of which are daughters. So we're gonna be talking about his own journey the As a father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]: Kelly Kaye, thanks so much for being here today.

Kelly K [00:02:25]: Man, thank you so much for having me. It's an absolute honor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:28]: It is my pleasure having you here today. And one of the things that I love Dove. Doing. 1st and foremost, I wanna turn the clock back in time. You've got 5 kids, but we're gonna focus on those 3 daughters that you have. The Think back. We're gonna turn the clock back in time. What was the first reaction that you had when you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter?

Kelly K [00:02:48]: So first, let me explain. My oldest 2 daughters are actually my stepdaughters. So my oldest daughter is 23. Her name is Brennan, Dog. And then my middle daughter, she's 19. Her name is Avery. And then I have an, 2 year old daughter named Jet. Now I gotta tell you this, though.

Kelly K [00:03:04]: Dog. I remember my my wife when we were dating, you know, she asked me, does it bother you that I have 3 kids? And in the moment, it was without hesitation the that I was able to say not at all. It didn't bother me at all because I had the most amazing stepmom in my life that you could ever I'm telling you, she was she raised me since I was 2 years old. Never treated me like I wasn't her child. The always included me. I never felt that she was not my mom. Right? And so I just kinda knew that god gave me her for a reason. And when I started dating somebody seriously that had children, it made sense to me, like, okay, god.

Kelly K [00:03:41]: You gave me this stepmom because I'm gonna have to repay the What she gave to me to these other children, I didn't think I was gonna have to do it times 3, but god's got a sense of humor like that. So, honestly, when I found out I was gonna be a dad, it's Dog. Different than most people because, I'd already met these kids. That brings up another issue, though, is that Brennan, when I started dating my wife, Docs. She was 7 years old, and she thought that I was the enemy. She thought that her relationship with her mom and dad the Ended because of me, which that was not the case at all. They've, you know, long been split up before we started dating. But I had to make a choice to say, yes.

Kelly K [00:04:19]: I I still wanna do this with her even though she was Making life pretty miserable for all of us for a short amount of time, but I just always knew. Haley, god gave you an amazing stepmom, and it's gonna be your job Docs. To pay that back. So to answer your question, what did I think? I just kinda knew. That's what god wants me to do. He wants me to be a father, and he wants Daughters and to speak their worth and value into them. And it doesn't matter if they have my blood or DNA or not. Dog.

Kelly K [00:04:47]: That's what's amazing about God's family is that he picks and chooses. He puts you together for a purpose, on purpose. And so, to be honest with you, I was very Doug. And happy about the task at hand.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:57]: So one of the things that you had talked about was that Brennan and you had the build that relationship because she saw you as that enemy. And there are other dads out there that are stepping into relationships or they're stepping into the That rule of being a step parent, maybe a little bit scared about that as well because of stepping into that, not knowing what to expect. Doc. Talk to me about what you had to do with Brennan to be able to heal that relationship, to build that relationship, to be able to get to a point the Where she didn't see you as that enemy, but saw you as a father.

Kelly K [00:05:36]: Absolutely. Domino's. You know, here's the thing. Because I I get it. It it can be intimidating when you come into a relationship and there's already kids there, and you're not the father. Man, I get it. Dom. The first thing that you have to remember and the first thing that I tried to keep on the front of my mind is that I chose them.

Kelly K [00:05:52]: They didn't choose me. So a lot of times, we can get into these relationships Dom. Because we love the mom, we love the woman, and then the kids don't really reciprocate that. Well, they didn't choose this, so you need to remember that. So there needs to be a Doubt. Ton of love, a ton of mercy, and a ton of grace for those children because this is brand new to them too, and they didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. They didn't pick you, the So you need to come in with as much grace as you can. So, you know, I let her be herself.

Kelly K [00:06:18]: I let her air her frustration. I let her say and do what she needs to do. I mean, within reason. I'm still gonna be the father, and I'm still gonna keep things in line. But at the same time, I gave her space, Docs. And I let her talk about it. I let her tell me how she felt because the truth is I knew because of the relationship I've had with my stepmom that there's gonna come a time in the future Doc. Where she realizes who the dad is.

Kelly K [00:06:41]: Yeah. I may not be the biological father, but over the next 20 years or so, Doc. She's gonna see me at every basketball game. She's gonna see me every single day. I'm gonna be the one paying for her supplies for school. I'm gonna be the one taking care of what and and there's gonna come a day where it's gonna Dog. And she's gonna say, oh my gosh. I missed it.

Kelly K [00:06:59]: I didn't understand then, but I understand now. And it was when that day came for me, it was so amazing. Dog. And what's really cool now is that Brennan and I are best friends. We are the closest out of all my kids, she and I. Matter of fact, just a couple nights ago, we went to dad daughter date. I took her the dinner. We went shopping.

Kelly K [00:07:15]: We went to a movie, and that's just something we love to do together. We have an extremely close and tight relationship now, but Dog. The only reason that we are able to have that is because I allowed her a ton a ton of mercy and grace at the beginning because I knew She didn't choose this. I'm choosing this, and I need to let her develop and come into this on her own. If we come in and try to make them feel awful and tell them how horrible they are for being that way, They don't understand that, and all you're gonna do is divide your family even more, and you're gonna put gaps and drive wedges Dog. Between everyone. So, really, it's just you've got to love them on their level because they're not able to love you at your level yet, and it's just that understanding that's really gonna help bridge that gap.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:56]: The I really appreciate you sharing that. Now I talked to a lot of dads that have daughters. One of the things that I hear from a lot of dads is a fear. The And in the fear for you might have been a little bit different because you're stepping into being a stepdad and dad to a existing family. But the A lot of dads say that there's specifically some fear to raising daughters specifically. What would you say has been your biggest fear In raising daughters.

Kelly K [00:08:24]: Oh, man. You know, I think my biggest fear is sending them out in the world with a feeling of being undervalued. Doc. Especially when you you come in as a step parent, they already have this sense of reject rejection. They're already gonna be carrying that around that Dog. My dad, for whatever reason, he left. And I get it, you know, from being from a divorced family as well as I carried around that weight Dog. Forever of what did I do? Why didn't you want me? How come you didn't love me when that's not really the case? So my fear was coming in to this.

Kelly K [00:08:54]: Dog. They have this feeling of rejection from their own father. Whether it's validated or not, they're still gonna carry it. I didn't want them to leave the house Dog. At 18, 19, 20 years old still carrying that, that was probably my biggest fear is that I want them to make sure that they know who they are, who god says about them, and that they are worth so much that they don't have to just go give themselves to the 1st person that that wants them because they don't feel any value. That's the last thing I want. Was another daughter that's a statistic the of teenage pregnancy or or just somebody that that just allows themselves to be used. That breaks my heart to see girls and women like that, and that's what I didn't want to put out into the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:31]: The Now one of the things that is always interesting for me because as I said, I've got 2 daughters myself. The You've got 5 kids, and every parent of multiple kids has to be very intentional Dog. About what they're doing to build those relationships because every child is completely different, and the You have to understand what those differences are. So talk to me about what did you have to do to build those the Relationships uniquely with every child to be able to be the dad that you wanted to be.

Kelly K [00:10:07]: For sure. Well, I mean, again, the Grace, man. If I gotta come back to 1 word over and over, it's gonna be grace. It's understanding each child is different just like you said. They're not all gonna receive love the same. They're not all gonna receive no discipline the same. So it's really spending time getting adjusted to each child, learning their personality, what they enjoy. So what I would do is, you know, with with Brennan, you Dog.

Kelly K [00:10:28]: Know, she loves to go to movies, so something I would do special is just make sure I would take time out to to take her to a movie, to take her to dinner. That's what she really enjoys. My son, Chase, Dog. Also my stepson, which I'm referring to them as step kids to you. I've never referred to them as step kids in front of their face or to them not one single time. That's another thing. If the coming into a relationship with kids, do all you can to make them feel like like they are yours. Whether they're calling you dad or not, you refer to them as your kids.

Kelly K [00:10:56]: I'm telling you that does something their self esteem. But so just when I was getting to know them, I knew that's what she liked. Chase, on the other hand, he doesn't like to go do movies and stuff like that. Dog. Would have to find other things that he enjoyed. Or if if Avery likes to get gifts, you know, I'll buy her something and bring it to her. It's really just understanding each child is different, what is their love language, and then try to communicate with them on that level. That is gonna be so big.

Kelly K [00:11:20]: What we can do, though, as adults and as parents is that the We want to love and speak to them the way that we want to be loved and spoken to. And we don't realize sometimes that that can actually be very damaging if their the Love language is quality time, and they wanna spend time with you, but yours is gifts, and you just show up with gifts all the time. Man, that's great for you. You feel like you're really knocking out of the park, but really all they wanted was Doc. Go to a movie or go to the park or just spend some time. And now that I feel neglected or less valuable to you because you're not the time with them when, really, in your mind, you went above and beyond. Right? You love to buy gifts, so you're showing them love. But it's not about what you want.

Kelly K [00:11:57]: Dog. What they need. So it's really spending time getting to know them. I mean, our our generation has this horrible problem of just handing kids a phone or an iPad and tell them to go away. The Don't bother me. Go be on this device. We don't even know our kids. We wouldn't know how to parent them or love them or correct them properly because we don't even know who they are.

Kelly K [00:12:14]: The We need to actually spend time getting to know them, and your kids are awesome people. They're amazing. Spend time with them. You will be the with the things that they say, the things that they know, the things that they're picking up on, and it gives you so much insight into their lives and into how Don. To be the correct parent for them, we just ignore that so many times, and then we wonder why we can't relate to our own kids. And, really, for a lot of us, it's our own fault at times.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:37]: The Definitely so true, and it makes me think back to my own kids and and trying to better understand who they are. And I've only got 2. So the Being able to have 5 at at very different ages is definitely a challenge. Now talk to me about about that because the The way that you have to interact, the way that you have to father your 2 year old is gonna be very different than the Your interactions with Brennan. And so having the that very diverse age range of kids and wide age range of kids, the How do you see yourself fathering in a different way, parenting in a different way, and how do you maintain that?

Kelly K [00:13:15]: That's a good question. You know, we were pretty intentional About letting the 3 older kids get a little older before my wife and I had children together only because I had this fear the If I have another child, I don't want to love my biological children more than the other 3. Yeah. I mean, there's there's a love there that that it it just it is what it is. You're gonna love your own child different than your stepchildren. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just that the eternal nature, you you know? But we can't let that be seen to those other children. We I don't want them to feel that way.

Kelly K [00:13:51]: So the We were intentional about letting them get a little bit older first before we even tried just because I didn't want that. So that was part of it. So by the time that we had the Jackson Jett. The other 3 were a little a bit older. They understood. We were pretty established with our relationship, so it was okay. Yeah. It it's been a big difference the Raising an 8 and a 2 year old now versus a 23 year old, 19, and an 18 year old.

Kelly K [00:14:15]: And, really, it's it's the Trying to keep it in perspective. Just because I've changed, I can't treat these 2 too much differently because I don't wanna paint some picture Docs. Sure. It's my older kids that I love them less or differently. So it's it's really a a juggling act of just trying to be consistent. However, if you will train your kids up the In in the way that that God tells us to and you follow the bible, it's all gonna be pretty much the same. It's gonna look pretty much Docs. Yes.

Kelly K [00:14:40]: You're gonna grow and you're gonna change and you're gonna do things differently. But if we're consistent in just honoring god with his word, You should see some consistency in the way that we raise our children as well. Right? We're still installing godly principles into them. We're still speaking value into them. Dog. We're still letting them know who god has called them to be. So you have this element of it all looking the same even though is it the same? No. Not at all.

Kelly K [00:15:05]: I've changed. You know, when I was in my twenties parenting, it looks a lot different than me in my forties parenting. So it's really just trying to find that consistent thread and make Docs. Sure that all of your kids and your entire family sees what you're doing. That way, they have some grace for you too, understanding that, hey. You're growing. You're changing. And I I'm just very open with my kids.

Kelly K [00:15:23]: There's nothing I won't talk about. And I tell them, yeah. I did this with you. I'm sorry I did it that way. I was young and dumb. I'm doing it this way now. I wish I would the done that with you, and they they have grace for you. I'm telling you, if you will be open and honest with your kids about any obviously, there's some things you don't wanna Dog.

Kelly K [00:15:38]: Talk to your kids about. But I'm just saying, on the whole, talk to them like they're real people, not somebody below you or beneath you. Give them the respect that you want given to you. Doc. And, man, they will have grace for you when it comes to parenting because they see how much you love them and that you're really pouring into them. And so many parents don't do that Doug. Today, and it's just a cultural thing that we just kinda push our kids to the side. And, man, it breaks my heart because your kids are amazing people.

Kelly K [00:16:03]: I've said it before, but I'll keep saying it again. Your kids are awesome.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:06]: The So with 3 daughters, it's not always going to be easy. You talked about one aspect of your experience in being a father to a daughter that that was not the easiest the When you first were in the lives of your first 3 kids, talk to me about or you with raising daughters, what's been the hardest part the Being a father to a daughter.

Kelly K [00:16:26]: You know, the the hardest part, it's just gonna keep coming back to that value. Now was it the hardest part because I feared it Dog. And because I kept thinking about it and fearing it, that that's what I had to deal with, or is that just what all girls go through? I don't know. But the hardest part has been in the that value into them. I watched Brennan go through high school, date some real, quote, unquote, winners the That just really broke my heart that she was with them, and I saw the way these boys are treating her. And I just had to keep trying to tell her, Brennan, you're worth more than this. This is who you are. And I kept trying to show her in the word of god.

Kelly K [00:16:58]: Dog. This is who god says you are, and you're valuable, and you're worth more than this. It's worth stating yourself for somebody, and and it took man, let me just give some hope to some of you. The If you are watching your daughters make these bad mistakes, there is hope. There is hope. Keep speaking truth into them. Listen. It's not your job to change anybody.

Kelly K [00:17:16]: Only Jesus can. Dog. It's not your job to save anybody. Only Jesus can. Your job is to keep speaking the truth and showing them who Jesus is in their life. And that's what I kept doing with Brennan through each boy. Doc. Every time she would come to me crying about some guy that cheated on her or did her wrong, I just kept instilling that value of who god says the She is.

Kelly K [00:17:33]: And I'm so happy to tell you that 23 years old, she'll be 24 next week. She is engaged to the most amazing, godly man that we are so the that he is about to join our family. We are thrilled to have him a part of our family, but we had to watch her go through terrible relationship after terrible relationship until Docs. She finally figured out her value and her worth, but she did figure it out. So, yes, that was hard. Yes, it was Dog. Scary. But, man, it's so good to know that the bible is true to its word, and that when you train up a child in the way of the lord when they're older, they will not depart from it.

Kelly K [00:18:06]: Dog. And to see her marrying a godly man means so much to me, and I'm so excited and so happy for her. But it did go through struggles of us having to take her bedroom door off Dom. For a year, having some hard conversations and and groundings and dealing with broken hearts and but, man, keep speaking the value. Even if they don't Docs. See it. Keep going till you're blue in the face because eventually, it's gonna quicken them. They're gonna remember your words.

Kelly K [00:18:29]: They're gonna remember what you said. And, man, to see that it it worked out and it the Panned out the way God said it would is just man, it's beautiful to me. But that's the hardest part is just getting them to understand their value. There's something about Docs. Being girls and women and guys too, but I think women deal with it more of just understanding their their own worth and really who they are and who god made them to be. That's just the way the devil really attacks women, and it's our job as men of God, especially godly fathers and husbands, is to keep instilling that value not only into our daughters, but into our wives Dogs as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:00]: So I mentioned that you are a pastor, you are a staff pastor at Limitless 405 Church in Oklahoma. The And one of the things that you have really done to connect not only with your own parishioners, but the Even broader to a much broader audience is bring forth scripture, bring forth the bible, bring forth the religion and spirituality to social media, and you have attacked that on many different platforms, but specifically the On TikTok. And I guess going through becoming a pastor yourself, I don't know if you would have ever thought That this is where you would end up. Maybe you did. But talk to me about being a pastor and being able to the Share what you're sharing now to a I'm gonna say a young demographic because there's not a ton of people our age the that are on TikTok. There's some, but a much larger of the audience is very young. And but you're relating to them, and you're bringing a message that the Has to be relatable because of the numbers that you're seeing. So talk to me about that and maybe what you had to do to be able to to the change the way that you thought about preaching, about being a pastor, to be able to bring this to a broader audience like that.

Kelly K [00:20:24]: You know, first, Docs. I'll just be honest with you. I did not want to get on TikTok. I don't even like first off, I just thought it was people dancing. Alright? And I was like, oh, well, I don't wanna I can't even dance anyway. Why do I need a TikTok? Duck. But my wife for years was like, Kelly, you need to get on TikTok. And, god started speaking to me, and I just knew he wanted me to get on TikTok.

Kelly K [00:20:41]: So when god starts telling you, the You can ignore your wife, but you can't ignore God. Right? So, eventually, I said, alright. So, actually, it was a year ago. It was last December when I got on TikTok. Here's the deal, though. The I see social media as the mission field, and I think everybody should. You know, we we send people overseas, and we raise all this money for missions, and we're sending people to go preach. The But understand, the Internet, your phone is a mission field in itself.

Kelly K [00:21:06]: You can reach people from all over the world right there on your phone. The The truth is people are holding their phones, scrolling all day long watching videos and content. It's just how it is. And you can have people that get mad saying, oh, this the The world isn't what it used to be, and I wish these kids weren't doing you can get mad all day long, but it's not gonna change anything. You can get mad or you can do something about it. And the said, you know what? I'm gonna do something about it. I see this as a mission field. If everybody's sitting there watching videos and scrolling, I'm just gonna put something in front of them that's worth watching.

Kelly K [00:21:34]: So here's the deal. How do you keep yeah. Because I'm I'm old. I get it. Fair enough. How do you get a younger audience to engage? I mean, I'm getting between 23,000,000 views a week on Domino's. The only way that's possible is, for 1, you need to understand that this generation, they're looking for real, and they want real.

Kelly K [00:21:52]: They recognize real. So if you get on there trying to be fake, trying to be somebody that you're not, they're gonna notice it right away. Nobody's gonna watch your content. Dog. So for 1, I've never tried to pretend to be something that I'm not. 2, I get on there, and I just answer questions that people have that I think Pastors aren't really talking about. You know, I've done videos on, you know, why do we go to church, how do we know Dog. This is the right religion.

Kelly K [00:22:16]: What does god say about divorce? Do dogs go to heaven? I mean, I've touched on every single topic that you can think of Dog. Because that's what real people wanna know. They have real questions, especially people that are afraid to go to church because they feel judged. They have all these questions, and they don't know where to go for these answers. Dog. So I'm just giving them biblical truth in a way that they can understand because I just speak like it's me and you. And I never the Understood. When I was graduating seminary, I had classmates that would go and preach these big sermons using all this the Greek and Hebrew and these big words.

Kelly K [00:22:50]: Like, they were trying to flex on everybody, and I never understood that, like like showing off their knowledge. Dog. I thought that we went to seminary so that we could understand complex subjects and then make them easy for others to understand. I thought that was the point. Dog. So what I do is I try to take these tough subjects that the Bible talks about, and then I try to find a way that anybody at any age, Dog. Any race, any level can connect to, can relate to, because that's what we're supposed to be, all things to all people. Right? We're not supposed to be a stumbling block.

Kelly K [00:23:20]: We're I'm not if I just got on TikTok the started using all my Greek and Hebrew, trying to make these flashy messages. No one's gonna watch them. But the fact that I look like everybody else, I sound like everybody else, And I'm giving you what you want to know in a way that you can understand it. People connect with that, and they keep watching. You know, I I do scriptures that everyone have read a 1000000 times,

Kelly K [00:23:41]: I'm just giving a fresh perspective on it because I'm making it fit today's society. I'm not changing the word of god. How did Jesus teach? He told stories. Docs. He used things that people understood from their day and age, and that's the exact same thing that I'm doing. And it's just working. Now I gotta give God all the credit the Who am I? Or I'm just some crazy looking dude on the Internet. God is doing all the work.

Kelly K [00:24:02]: I'm just trying to be obedient. So that's how I got started and how I've been doing this thing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:07]: So I also talked about the fact that you also have taken those messages and you've become an author as well. And you've got a brand new book that is gonna be coming out very Docs soon called Think About That for a Minute, volume 2, 40 day 40 day devotional for a fresh perspective. Talk to me about the Not only this book, but talk to me about what led you into wanting to move into writing. I've been an author before. Door. I've written I've written a book myself. It's not easy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:39]: It it takes a lot of time, a lot of patience, a lot of effort. The So was that calling that made you say, I need to bring these messages out to the world, and what is now bringing you Doc. To writing this new book to help people in a different way.

Kelly K [00:24:54]: I never thought I was gonna be an author. I never wanted to be an author. Docs. I barely graduated 8th grade English class, man. But it was in 2016 when I released my first book, Reckless Love Revolution, and the only reason I wrote it is the god laid it so heavy on my heart to write that book that I didn't know what else to do. So I wrote that book, put it out. It did alright. It sold the Between 510,000 copies, something like that.

Kelly K [00:25:16]: I mean, that's over a 5 years span. And then after I wrote reckless love, I wrote get lit, say lit, Docs. Which is about how to get on fire for Jesus and not burn out. I wrote that one because as I I'm a full time traveling evangelist. I'm the associate pastor in our church, but Dog. 3 weeks out of the month, I travel and preach to other churches. And what I noticed around the country, everywhere I went, is I was seeing burnt out Christians Dog. Everywhere I went, and it was breaking my heart.

Kelly K [00:25:41]: So I wrote this book about getting on fire and staying on fire because the truth is we can live on fire 247. We don't have to burn out. So Dog. I write those 2 books. They did okay. Like I said, a few 1,000 copies. Nothing crazy. Then I start praying, alright, god.

Kelly K [00:25:56]: What Dog. Do you want me to write next? And I really felt like God was saying, Kelly, the words of Kelly Kaye aren't gonna change anybody's life. The It's my word that changes people's life, so feed my sheep. And I said, okay. And then I remembered Psalms 1 1 through 3 that Docs. Says that if we meditate on God's word day and night, we will prosper in all seasons of our lives. Here's the problem. Most Christians aren't prospering.

Kelly K [00:26:18]: Why? Because they're not spending time in the word. The truth is we live in the most biblically illiterate generation of all time. People do not know what the Bible says because Noah. Nobody's reading it for themselves. So I really felt like God was calling me to feed the sheep, meaning give them his word. So I said, alright. I'll write this 40 day devotional. Now I was finishing it up right at the time that God called me to get on TikTok.

Kelly K [00:26:40]: So I've been on TikTok for about 3 months. I had about 50,000 followers. The I released that book. Now my other 2 books, like I said, did about 5 to 10000 copies each, something like that over, you know, span of 5 years. Dog. I was expecting this one to do the same. But as the TikTok following kept growing, at the end of every video, I would just say, hey. If you like this message, check out my new book.

Kelly K [00:27:00]: It's a 40 day devotional. The That book started selling like crazy. Like, it started selling around 200 copies a day simply because of the views on TikTok. Doc. And I knew when I wrote that, I called it volume 1 because I just had a feeling god wanted me to write more of those, and now I totally see why. The response from that the 1st devotional. And I I call it think about that for a minute based on Psalms 1 because all you're doing is meditating on god's word. That means thinking about it.

Kelly K [00:27:26]: That's all it is. Dog. I'm giving you a scripture each day to think about and meditate on so you get the word in you. The response from that book has been insane. People saying they love the fresh the perspectives and and the way that I break down scripture and and tell stories. So naturally, writing another one was just the The next thing to happen. So it's completely finished. It's just going through the editing and the finalization period right now, volume 2.

Kelly K [00:27:51]: Dog. And I think we've already told probably close to 500 preorders for that book. So I I cannot wait to see what God is gonna do with it. But, man, just seeing people every day write Docs. That they've given their life to Jesus, so they got on fire for Jesus again or rededicated their lives simply because they got in that book and it the It just helped them with their walk with God. Man, that's what it should be anyway. You don't need my book. All I did was give you a scripture, and I helped you meditate on it daily.

Kelly K [00:28:17]: All I did was help you fulfill the Bill, the promise God gave to you that if you will get into his word and meditate on it day night, you'll prosper in every season of your life. It's nothing that I did. The I just gave you the word and made it simple. I'm telling you. It blesses me that this book has done so good. And what even blesses me more than anything was that Docs. It wasn't anything that I did. I just gave them God's word.

Kelly K [00:28:38]: You know, I wrote 2 books trying to knock it out of the park myself, and they were wildly mediocre. And then here, I just Give god's word, and it's a huge hit. And it's like, god, you're so good. You you know exactly what people need. They don't need me. They need you, the that's what I give them. So that's why I'm so pumped about this new book about to come out because it's just more of what already worked, more of God's word.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:59]: So as you think about the future, what's next?

Kelly K [00:29:02]: Dog. For me, all I wanna do is I wanna keep traveling, and I wanna keep preaching. I wanna keep writing I I just want to get Jesus in front of as many the people as I can. It just there's a passion. It just burns inside of me. I want to see people get set free. I want people to understand the freedom that Jesus paid for on the cross and that eternity doesn't start in heaven. It starts here on earth, and you can have an abundant life here.

Kelly K [00:29:28]: We don't have to wait till we die to have the blessings that god's got for us. I want people to step in to the amazing freedom and just the relationship Docs. They can have with Jesus. And, I'm not slowing down. So, I mean, my calendar is already filling up for next year. I'm gonna keep making videos every single day. I'm gonna keep writing books. Dog.

Kelly K [00:29:46]: I have plans to go to all 5 regions of Africa this next year, to go to Tokyo, to go to Australia. Man, I'm just gonna put Jesus in front of as many people as I can. That's what's next Me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:55]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5 where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Kelly K [00:30:02]: Let's go.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:02]: In one word, the What is fatherhood? Love. When was a time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

Kelly K [00:30:10]: The day that the Britton and I were driving in the truck, and she said, I finally see that you've been my dad all along. And that was just Dog. My heart slowed up. It was just the greatest moment remembering all the pain and trials we went through while she was growing up to see that doc. We finally had the relationship that I'd wanted since day 1. That was it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:30]: Now if I was to have your kids here, you know, I was talking to them, how would they describe you as a dad?

Kelly K [00:30:36]: They would say that I the think I'm funny. He thinks he's funny. That's what they would say. And they think I am too. They just won't let you know that. But I'm I'm hilarious. I got the best dad jokes. Docs.

Kelly K [00:30:45]: Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:45]: Are any dad jokes good?

Kelly K [00:30:47]: Every single one of them, I tell it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:50]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Kelly K [00:30:52]: My stepmom. Knowles. She passed away a couple years ago at 55, but I still think about her every single day when it comes to being a parent. She showed me what it's like Dog. To love. No matter what, she showed me what it looks like to be a Jesus follower. She showed me what it looks like to love like Jesus. She's been my biggest inspiration as a parent for sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:11]: The Now you've talked about a lot of different things today, things that you've learned along the way, things that have helped you to be a better dad, and you've given a lot of piece of advice. As we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad?

Kelly K [00:31:23]: Give grace, give mercy, and instill value. If if you will do those things right there, if you will give your kids grace, show them mercy, and you will teach them who they are, the I'm telling you when they grow up and I've I've got kids that are 2, and I've got kids that are 24, so I've seen it play out. If you will do that, you will have some godly the Adults, godly kids that grow into amazing godly adults. And what you want is for your kids to do the same thing with their kids and sell value, Doc. Show mercy and give grace and just keep that cycle going. That way, your kids aren't gonna have to break off horrible generational curses that you pass down. The We get to choose what we pass on to our kids. Be intentional about it when they're little so you're not having to fix it later when they're adults.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:07]: Now, Kelly Kaye, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here for the your story. If people wanna find out more about you, where should they go?

Kelly K [00:32:14]: You can go to kellyk ministries.com. You can get my books there. You can find all my socials there. Honestly, you can Google Kelly Kaye Ministries or Kelly Kaye Preacher, and you will find more than you care to find about me. I promise you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:28]: Well, Kelly Kaye, I just wanna say thank you again for your time, your passion, and for sharing your own journey as a father today.

Kelly K [00:32:35]: It's an honor. Thank you for Daughters. Having me. I really enjoyed our time together and hope we get to do it again.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:39]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information the that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, the and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together .org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:26]: Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters the And be the best dad that you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:38]: We're all in the same boat, the and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. The Dogs. Presents. Bring your a game because those kids are growing fast. The time the just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, Domino's. Be the best dad you can be.

Dads With Daughters is part of The Dads Podcast Network, powered by DadsSupportingDads.org

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Fatherhood is a unique journey that provides an opportunity to shape the lives of our daughters. In a recent episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, JP DeGance, the president of Communio, shared valuable insights on fatherhood, relationships, loneliness, and the importance of community in raising daughters to be strong and independent women.

Impactful Moments of Fatherhood

In the podcast, DeGance shared his experience as a father to eight children, highlighting the significant impact of fatherhood on his life. He emphasized how his relationship with his daughters has shaped his perspective on parenting. He touched upon the realization of a different connection and relationship with his daughters compared to his sons.

Understanding the Unique Bonds

DeGance discussed the importance of forming unique relationships with each of his children despite their different personalities and age ranges. He highlighted the significance of spending quality time with each child individually and fostering connections that are tailored to their individual needs and interests. This approach emphasizes the importance of understanding and supporting each child in a personalized manner.

Challenges of Raising Daughters

The discussion delved into the challenges of raising daughters in the modern world, particularly in terms of relationships, healthy partnerships, and the impact of societal changes on their well-being. DeGance shed light on the implications of the current cultural trends on daughters' perceptions of relationships and the importance of guiding them to discern healthy and meaningful connections.

Insights on Loneliness and Community

DeGance's organization, Communio, has conducted extensive research on loneliness, uncovering concerning trends in societal well-being. The study revealed alarming insights about the epidemic of loneliness and its impact across different demographic groups. Particularly, the podcast emphasized the importance of community and mentorship among men, highlighting the profound impact of having connections outside the family unit to combat loneliness and reinforce purpose in life.

Cultivating Meaningful Relationships

One of the key takeaways from DeGance's insights was the emphasis on cultivating healthy, purpose-driven relationships within the family and the broader community. He stressed the significance of modeling a parent-centered home rather than a child-centered one, highlighting the role of the marriage relationship as the foundation for trust and social trust in children.

Guiding Fathers to Be Present

DeGance shared invaluable advice for fathers, encouraging them to live life with their children and actively engage in their lives. This guidance underscored the importance of being present and actively involved in children's lives, especially during their formative years.

In conclusion, JP DeGance's insights provide a comprehensive understanding of the impact of fatherhood, relationships, and community in raising strong daughters. His perspectives on building unique connections with each child, navigating the challenges of parenting, and the significance of community involvement offer valuable lessons for fathers striving to raise empowered and resilient daughters.

As fathers, our role in shaping the lives of our daughters extends beyond mere presence. It encompasses creating a supportive and purpose-driven environment, fostering meaningful connections, and nurturing strong, independent women. Through prioritizing father-daughter relationships, active involvement, and community engagement, we can contribute to the holistic development of our daughters and empower them to navigate the complexities of the modern world with confidence and resilience.

By embracing the insights shared by JP DeGance, fathers worldwide can deepen their understanding of their pivotal role in raising strong, empowered daughters and actively contribute to their daughters' journey toward a fulfilling and purposeful life.

If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad who wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts but, more importantly, with dads like you. So check it out today!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:

Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:

Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Docs. Really excited to be back with you again this week. Every week, I love sitting down with you and being able to talk to you about this journey that we're all on called fatherhood. And it is a unique journey in many ways, but it doesn't have to be. There are so many ways in which we can learn and grow from the offered from the people that are around us, from other fathers, and this show is all about connecting you with other people's experiences to be able to help you to be the father that you wanna be and to help you to raise those strong independent women the that you have in your homes. Every week, I love bringing you different guests, different dads, and different other individuals with resources that can help you to do just that. And this week, we got another great guest with us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:12]:

JP DeGance is with us today, and JP is the president of Communio. He is also the founder and president. I should say, let me step back. JP DeGance is with us today, and JP is the president and founder of Communio. And we're gonna talk more about the organization and some of the things that they've been finding inside, like, a recent study that just came out about loneliness. And we're also gonna be talking about the fact that he's a father of 8. And I was talking to him before we started today and said that it just kinda blows my mind because I think 2 is enough for me, but 8 is a whole new game. So I'm excited to have him on. JP, thanks so much for being here.

JP DeGance [00:01:52]:

Hey, Christopher. Thank you for having me. It's great to be here with you. Thank you so much.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:57]:

It is my pleasure having you here today. I love that we're able to talk about fatherhood and Communio. I guess, 1st and foremost, I wanna turn the clock back in time. I love being able to have this power when when I talk to people and being able to turn the clock back. And I know you've got 8 kids. I'd like to go back to that 1st moment. That first moment that you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter, what was going through your head?

JP DeGance [00:02:20]:

You know, for us, it was number 3. And I'll tell you. It was funny. I told my wife brings this up to me all the time. She says, I see, oh, I'm gonna treat, you know, my kids the same. I'm gonna, you know, my son's daughter's gonna be the same. And then, I had my daughter, and I realized, we have a different connection, a different relationship. And I love my girls.

JP DeGance [00:02:42]:

I've I've we're we're all tied up. Chris for four boys and four girls. It's about as evenly distributed as you can. But being able to bond with my daughters and having daughters, I'm confident, makes me a better a better man. It causes me to want to be more in comparison to my sons, who I'll rough up. I relate a bit differently to my daughters, and it's been beautiful, not great. And my wife has called me out on it quite a number of times that you don't really treat them the same. Later on, I got a quote from my father That I love. He's like, you treat all of your children equally.

JP DeGance [00:03:18]:

You don't treat them the same. And I think that there's a lot of a lot of wisdom in that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:23]:

I love that. Now a lot of dads that I talk to I talked to a lot of dads over the years, and a lot of dads say to me that having that daughter in their life. Is not only an amazing thing, but it also brings some fear with it as well. And I guess for you, As you look at the fact that you have eight kids four girls and four boys, what has been your biggest fear in raising daughters?

JP DeGance [00:03:47]:

Nobles. Because of my work, and you mentioned some research that we've been doing, I run an org and a ministry that really seeks to equip churches to champion and encourage healthy relationships, marriage, fatherhood, and healthy fatherhood. And as I've gotten into the data, you can't help but understand That there is a retreat from marriage that's occurring that's gonna affect our sons and daughters, and that means something, especially for our daughters and how they grow and Dom. And and how they discern healthy relationships. I think the culture has cheapened relationships and meaningful relationships. And so coming alongside my daughters to help form them is so that they can know what the healthy guy looks like and how to avoid problematic relationships and toxic relationships, and then form friend groups, right? That reinforces that. Right? My mom used to say, you know, you are. I'm sure I'm not the only one whose mom said this. Right? You are who your friends are, who you associate with.

JP DeGance [00:04:51]:

You often reflect in terms of your personality and who you are. So those are just some of those things that, you know, recognizing. You know, the reality is is even at Conley, and you think about college, no, today's college is now 60% women, 40% men, and in the last, most recent most recent class. And what that actually mathematically means as a dad is it's gonna be actually harder mathematically for our daughters to find a guy who is of historically speaking woman marries someone of the same academic attainment level. And that means, if her daughters pursue college, it'll become harder to identify someone just because it just becomes a math problem. These are just some of the things I think about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:30]:

Now with eight kids, I know that even with twoo kids, each child is very different. I'm sure that with eight kids, you've got many different personalities and many different perspectives. And as you father 8 children, you have to build those unique relationships with each one of those kids in different ways. How do you do that, and how do you balance being able to build those unique relationships with each of your children, especially based on the age range that we're talking about?

JP DeGance [00:06:04]:

We spend a lot of time together, a lot of our social time as a family. And the kids enjoy being around each other. These kids we, we fight. The kids fight. Right? The kids argue, and that's all normal. But I will say our 18-year-old, our 17-year-old, and our 15-year-old are strange in that they don't complain when it's family time and we're Doing something social and fun. That said, it's it you're absolutely right. It's critical to find that time where you can spend time together individually with dog.

JP DeGance [00:06:34]:

A child. So I do a number of things. I travel for work, not infrequently, and so I try to bring one of my kids with me on a work trip Periodically so that there it's just with dad. If I'm going out, I have to go to Montana periodically, and that's a fun place to go and drive around and see the natural wonder of that heart of the country, and I'll do that. I've I've had to go on trips to Denver. I'll take one child. And one of the things that we'll do is try to do different types of rites of passage kind of experiences with our with a kid with our children when they hit a certain age, particularly, like, right before puberty, you know, they go on a trip. With me.

JP DeGance [00:07:10]:

It's a son who goes with me, and the daughter goes with mom. And we make a trip away, and we do a bit of the bird and the bees, conversations and, you know, how life is gonna be changing and really try to lay the groundwork there. Then when they graduate high school, we've done this once Now. We'll be doing it again this summer. We've taken our oldest. We've just selected that point to be just a trip with an experience that we just do with a high school graduate and celebrate that moment, let them know how important that moment was and their achievement and and and, obviously, in our as a family of 8, really appreciate that time when it's just me and them Or me and my wife and my child. And so those are some of the ways. And then you, you know, every child, you're absolutely right.

JP DeGance [00:07:57]:

Every child is different. Right? They need different things. Okay. I've grown to notice that my sons and I are studying this area; they want to know If they're competent, they wanna know. If I think that they're competent, they're they're they're effective. They can do they can do things. And so frequently, that's part of how I reinforce the My sons and my daughters so frequently wanna know if, and they range again from age 4 to age 15. They wanna know if they are actually beautiful. Are they being reinforced? I think they're certainly reinforcing your self-image and, Letting her know that Dad knows that they're they're a beautiful young lady, beautiful inside and out, and that's important in a way.

JP DeGance [00:08:39]:

They react differently, my sons and daughters, on these things, and I've seen that as really important for my daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:45]:

We talked about fears and how raising kids can be smooth sailing. It can also be challenging at times. What's been the hardest part for you In being a father to a daughter?

JP DeGance [00:08:57]:

Yeah. The hardest part of being a father to a daughter. My kids have struggled with dyslexia, sons and daughters. And realized that the traditional school model for us wasn't wasn't working for my daughters. What it wasn't working for my sons. I ended up having a series of conversations with a businessman that I thought very highly of, and he helped me open my eyes to thinking differently about education, particularly educating my daughters. Right? In the end, it led us to decide to alter what we were doing. We ended up Moving into a homeschool model where we could allocate capital for the kind of tutoring they needed and the kind of pace in the areas they needed.

JP DeGance [00:09:40]:

And that's been a really good thing. I think mom is really good at handling things like ways to dress and what have you. And so I don't have to do much of that. My wife is all over the stuff, and the and the girls, That's been a good thing for us, and the girls, I think, have, with some reluctance, taken to mom's guidance on such Dutch Things. Mom dresses well, and so they see that you can dress beautifully elegantly, and you can also dress modestly in those ways.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:12]:

I mentioned that you were the president and CEO of Communio, and you sort of started to talk a little bit about what Communio is and what it focuses on. Tell me more about Communio, and then we'll talk about some of the research. I wanna hear more about the organization first.

JP DeGance [00:10:28]:

Sure. So we function like as a business to business, a b to b, so to speak, as a business model. So our customers always and everywhere, the local church. Okay. We equip the local church to evangelize through the renewal of healthy relationships, the Marriage, and the family. And a major part of, obviously, that is fatherhood. And so we do that through Coaching churches, training churches, and evidence-based strategies on relationship health. We do help produce No.

JP DeGance [00:10:59]:

A transformation in the mindset of pastors in the church is that investing in the strength of your marriage or your relationships is something everybody does. If you wanna be healthy, happy, and holy, no. And then that's what that's what one ought to do. And a big thing is part of that message is for men. Right? Heavily, on dads. If I love my children, One of the best ways for me to love my children is, whenever it's possible, to love the mother of my children more than my own children because when I do that, it spills over and has lifetime benefits on our children.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:33]:

I mentioned the fact that your organization had been doing some research into loneliness. So talk to me about That and why your organization chose to start doing research on this topic.

JP DeGance [00:11:46]:

I've been startled like many of the Folks who've who've looked into space; we've got shortening lifespans. We are, as a country, when I was a kid. When you were a kid, people talk futurists saying, you know, maybe we're gonna live to a 100 or maybe a 110 in the future. It'll just be normal. No one ever thought 40 or 50 years ago that people would be short, living shorter and shorter lives. And that's that's where we are, particularly men as of recently, but it's also women. And we're heavily divergent from similar countries. So if you look at other countries of high wealth, we are having a sharp decline in our lifespan.

JP DeGance [00:12:20]:

That has a heavy relationship to the loneliness problem. In 2008, the first year in the United States, the surgeon general said that we had an epidemic of loneliness, and it's only increased. And so we work with our client churches to a small number of factors, no And one of those is loneliness, and there's something called the UCLA summary loneliness index. It's a 3 question tool that when you use it, depending on how you answer it, no If you score 6 or higher on it, you fit the public health definition of loneliness, which means your lifespan is basically the difference between dying in your the Mid-seventies to dying in your late fifties or, you know, right at sixty. Okay. And that's how significant it is. And and so.

JP DeGance [00:13:03]:

We wanted to make folks aware of what's going on with it. And, well, one of the things that stuck out sadly is some of the findings were it's not who you think Dog. Is lonely. Right? You would think it would make sense that it's the elderly and it's the widowed are the most likely to be lonely. And the reality is that the loneliest folks in the survey were the never married in their thirties and also the divorced in their thirties. Those were the two loneliest groups. They were lonelier than widows, and there was the loneliest group of widows were widows in their Fifties, which makes sense, and widowers and widows in their fifties, which makes sense. It's premature to have lost a spouse.

JP DeGance [00:13:46]:

That age, or maybe you're a recent empty nester, and so there's a major life change. But even still, someone who's 30, the 4-year-old who's never married, or 33 who's divorced. They're actually lonelier by a significant margin than those folks and Docs. Making sure, you know, when we talk to our client churches, like, this is something you need to be aware of. Right? Like, this is as a pastor, Doc. If you're talking about the importance of forming a heterogeneous community between singles and married, divorced and widowed, the Young and old. That should be a normal part of life in thinking through how to form those kinds of interlocking communities. The folks can have meaningful relationships and have the kind of purpose that flows from meaningful relationships that undo all of the horrible health effects of loneliness.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:34]:

So, a part of the Organization that this podcast is all about is called Fathering Together, and we talk about the importance of building community. And this show is all about raising our kids. I think that things that you just said are things that we need to reinforce with our kids in many different ways. As your organization delves deeper into not only some of the causes and the groups that are being affected to raise the consciousness of society around us, it will be able to start making changes internally. But are there things that your organization may have identified that, as parents, we should be aware of To be able to reinforce with our own kids as they're getting older to help them not lead that lonely life the As they

JP DeGance [00:15:22]:

get older. Yeah. You know, first, it's critically important, and this is gonna sound to some listeners paradoxical. One of the most important things is not to build Not. A child-centered home, but a parent-centered home. And I mean that in the sense of whether there's a marriage in the home or you're parenting with a spouse, Dom. The most important relationship is the spouse. And when that happens, a child can actually feel safe and trust That our ability to form social trust, one of the big things that social scientists have uncovered is that our levels of social trust in America are in rapid decline.

JP DeGance [00:15:55]:

We first learned to trust others based on those most primal relationships with our parents. And then when we see it model the Father to the child, but then when the child sees the dad relating frequently to the spouse. And so what's key is to model a life where, no, you know, it's easy. Right? I've paid kids, but you can do this with two kids. You can revolve your entire life around youth sports, youth activities, academic competitiveness, anything that you want, whatever you want to turn fashion into the idol, I think. The reality is that when it's a child-centered home, You raise people who will become self-centered later. Okay? Because they see themselves, hey. The most important people in my life communicated that I was the most important person in my life.

JP DeGance [00:16:48]:

And then now I'm going out into the world, and I'm the most important person in my life. No. And the paradox of happiness is living for the other. We're wired deeply to live in some in a sacrificial way to not go out of our way for the other. That's what love is. And so I think a key in raising our daughter's dog. They see that we love their mothers and that we model the kinds of healthy friendships that should be in our lives. And then, obviously, that doesn't mean that you don't do your sports, and it doesn't mean that you don't want your child to be competitive and great at what they're doing.

JP DeGance [00:17:25]:

No. But rightly ordered is the key here that these things are held, intention. There's moderation in such things. So sometimes there is a hard decision that needs to be made that as a husband, right, I need it's maybe not the best thing for my marriage that I I don't see my wife For thirteen weekends in a row because we're doing travel sports every weekend. I'd not say that that being in a hyperbolic example. Right? And then if you're you're a single dad, okay, you're an unmarried dad, Then I think that that's important to model a life of moderation. Right? So that a child can see and live a life of moderation where the child is Nuts. Encouraged and supported by that relationship between father and daughter, if I can't trust that my dad's there for me, it spills over into lots of other areas of my life later as I grow up.

JP DeGance [00:18:15]:

And I can't then trust that a future person who pursues me, as a man pursuing your daughter in the future, It's harder for that daughter to trust in the relationship. It's harder for her to trust certain friendships or business in relationships Dog. So much of who we are is formed in our family of origin.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:34]:

Appreciate that. Now, as you think about relationships with other men, In regard to the importance of having bonds with others as well, what is your study found about the importance of having those connections to people outside of your family that Can help you to stave off loneliness?

JP DeGance [00:18:57]:

Yeah. Look. I'm a huge fan. I'm a big believer in mentorship and community Among men. So I have had a friend group of other dads that range in age, that are ranged about a dozen years older than me and Dog. About a dozen years younger than me. And we're actually on a text thread together, and we'll text each other. We'll get together periodically, Socially, mostly, but sometimes we do, what you would consider a Christian small group activity, but it's certainly a mix.

JP DeGance [00:19:27]:

And I have benefited so much from just being pals with dads who have some kids who are Doubt. 10 years further ahead of the journey on me and being able to talk to him. Nothing structured and formal,, you know, being able to Go over for a barbecue and a beer and talk and talk about challenges of fatherhood and the Thinking of being thoughtful about forming our children is just incredibly important and incredibly important within the realm of loneliness. Right? There's so many, so many men. We are Wired, Richard Reeves wrote a book on boys and men. He's actually a progressive scholar but spends a lot of time writing about men. Dog. And it's his argument that I'm I kinda persuaded on that in a lot of ways, masculinity in its social manifestation is no A bit more fragile than femininity, and his argument is that you know, we're wired for purpose.

JP DeGance [00:20:22]:

Humans are wired for purpose. Right? And we derive our sense of purpose most frequently from being a husband and then being a father. Okay? And when we walk through life, and we got those 2 things out of our life, what you're seeing doc Is ex what researchers identified is this epidemic of loneliness because and you've got an explosive growth in opioids and substance abuse, men died, and liver cirrhosis. Doc. All of this is what happened. It's the social manifestation or the psychological manifestation of social phenomena where you no longer have that sense of purpose is now void, no And

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:54]:

it needs to be filled with something.

JP DeGance [00:20:54]:

And frequently, it's found in forms of escape. And our role as a dad Should be for anybody listening; this should be a place where I derive a deep, deep sense of purpose in my life. Ideally, the Best outcomes occur when you're a married dad. But then, if you're not a married dad, then it's how do I find ways to function in a healthy way as frequently as I can as a single dad. And understand this is deeply who you are, Dog. And you've created another person. A daughter shares your DNA, half of your DNA, and her self-image, her mental health, her future decisions on who she couples up with, who her spouse is, her future feelings of loneliness or isolation or the lack thereof, Doc. Wrapped up in her relationship, whether you like it or not with her.

JP DeGance [00:21:47]:

And so that should actually, I don't share that to scare any of the listeners. No, I show that to encourage you and just know you've got a big job. We've got big jobs as dads. We're not replaceable. Nobody else can serve that role as a dad. And so the Latin phrase, be a man. We have to step up and be a man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:06]:

You sharing that. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five. We're gonna ask the Five more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

JP DeGance [00:22:14]:

Yeah. Go ahead.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:15]:

In one word, what is fatherhood?

JP DeGance [00:22:17]:

Fun. I don't know. I feel like it's a lot of fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:19]:

When did you finally feel like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

JP DeGance [00:22:24]:

I read a book to my teenagers. I read we do a lot of read-aloud books, no, And we've done stuff like Tolkien and Baham. I picked a book called How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk. And I told my kids, and I told my daughter. I told my teenage boys and my teenage daughter that I read to them. I told them, look. It's too late for your mother, but it's not too late for you. And my daughter, at the end of it, okay, this is about as high praise as you can get. From a 14-year-old, she said, Dad, this is the 1st book you read to me that was interesting.

JP DeGance [00:22:51]:

And so I felt like knowing my daughter, that's, like, spiking the football. She's like, this is the greatest thing ever is what what that Dawson. So I felt like that was a major win.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:58]:

I love that. I haven't read that book, but I think I might have to check it out.

JP DeGance [00:23:01]:

It's a great book. Read by my friend John Van App. He's a great scholar And a student of human relationships.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:07]:

Appreciate you sharing that. Now if I were to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

JP DeGance [00:23:12]:

I think they would say I'm the Don Juan. But I also know, you know, they'd say fun and that dad likes to teach us. And so because when we're eating dinner at the table, I'm usually we're doing pop Dog. Quizzes, whether it's on matters of deep importance or or matters of college football. It just depends.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:30]:

Who inspires you to be a better dad?

JP DeGance [00:23:32]:

All 8 of my kids. I feel an awesome responsibility that I know Doc. No one will have a greater impact on our likelihood of living a healthy and happy life later than me and certainly their mother. But there's a lot of data. It says, particularly for our daughters, that there's this outsized major impact that dads play, and so I just can't help, but when I see my kids in the morning, especially my little 4-year-old, I can't help. Lucy, my youngest, is a daughter, and she runs the house, as my older kids all know. I

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:16]:

You've given a lot of pieces of advice today. As we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice you'd want to give to every dad?

JP DeGance [00:24:21]:

Live life with your children. And I mean that song, The Cats in the Cradle and the Silver Spoon. A little boy, blue, and the man on the moon. When you come home, son, I don't know when. I think so. Many times, it's so critical for us to abide and be around our children and enjoy when they're little to be with them And in the things that they love to do. Even though it may not be the most fun thing for us when our little ones are little push yourself to find the joy in playing and condescending to your daughters when they're really little. And because as you do that and continue to do that, As they get older, they will want to spend time with you, and you will want to spend time with them.

JP DeGance [00:25:02]:

The thing that I've gotten the most joy out of is actually these teenage years. Now that I am a college freshman, all of my teenagers actually enjoy spending time with me, and they like spending time with their friends. But when it's time to do something, they look forward to it. And they're okay with an occasional Friday night or Saturday night and dad, I'm watching some games with dad or or spending some time with dad. And that's all built on years of living life with them from a young age.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:31]:

Well, JP, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey, for sharing this study. If people wanna find out more About you, about your organization, where should they go?

JP DeGance [00:25:40]:

Go to communio.org, particularly to get the study, which goes into the slowness of data, the Goes into a lot of interesting stuff. Particularly, it goes into a lot of research on fathers' impact on faith practice, Which for dads who are interested in understanding that, it's communio.org backslash study. It's the relationship with our earthly father. That has an impact on whether or not you believe that there's a heavenly father out there who loves you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:08]:

Well, JP, I just wanna, again, say thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing and being able to help fathers to be able to see the importance of finding that community around them, and I wish you all the best.

JP DeGance [00:26:18]:

Hey. Thank you so much, Christopher.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:20]:

If you've enjoyed today's Dads with Daughters podcast episode, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the resource for any dad who wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. The And the Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step road maps, and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out atfatheringtogether.org.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:59]:

If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis:

Dad's with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis :

We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents. Bring your A-Game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Dads With Daughters is part of The Dads Podcast Network, powered by DadsSupportingDads.org

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In a heartfelt and candid conversation on the Dads with Daughters podcast, Mack Brock, a renowned Christian musician, opens up about his fears and hopes as a father raising daughters. Emphasizing the need to protect and nurture his daughters into strong, independent women, Brock highlights the importance of understanding and engaging with each of his three kids in a way that resonates with their unique personalities and interests.

Balancing Public and Private Life

As both a musician and a parent, Mack Brock acknowledges the challenges of balancing his public persona with his private family life. He discusses the importance of creating a sense of family unity by involving his kids in his work and ministry, providing them with a glimpse into his passion and dedication to music while maintaining a healthy boundary between his public and private life.

Embracing Change through Fostering

The conversation takes a poignant turn as Brock shares his family's decision to become foster parents. The Brock family's journey began with a temporary foster placement that has since evolved into a long-term arrangement. Mack and his wife have navigated difficult conversations with their biological children about fostering, emphasizing the impact and importance of being adaptable and supportive as a family, irrespective of the changing dynamics.

Nurturing Resilience and Emotional

Well-being Brock delves into the emotional complexities of fostering and the potential impact of reunification with Z, their foster child, with his biological parents. The family has consciously chosen to shift their mentality from a temporary arrangement to embracing Z as a beloved member of their family, regardless of the duration he stays with them. They discuss the possibility of reunification and the potential need for family and individual child therapy to navigate the emotions and challenges that may arise.

Music, Obedience, and Family Unity

Mack Brock's music career and success have been a result of taking small obediences to the Lord and being open to opportunities as they arise. His commitment to faith and artistry is interwoven with his dedication to nurturing his family, demonstrating the harmony between his professional pursuits and familial responsibilities. The Brock family's journey reflects the utmost importance of faith, humility, and optimism in overcoming the challenges of parenthood and fostering.

Mac Brock's thought-provoking insights and exemplary approach to parenting inspire us to embrace the challenges and joys of nurturing strength, resilience, and compassion in our children, whether biological or foster, amid life's ebbs and flows. His unwavering commitment to music and family shines a light on the transformative power of faith, love, and unwavering devotion in shaping a wholesome and nurturing family environment.

If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad who wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts but, more importantly, with dads like you. So check it out today!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:

Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:

Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love sitting down with you and going on this journey that you and I both are on in raising those strong, independent women in our lives, and we can't do this alone. We have to have community, we have to be able to listen and learn the stories of other fathers around us. And through those stories, you and I can become stronger fathers ourselves, and we can be more engaged. We can be better intentional fathers to our daughters as well. I love being able to be on this journey with you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]:

I love being able to bring you different dads and different people every week from so many different walks of life who are fathering in different ways. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. There's no one right way to father. Every one of us does it a little bit differently, and that's okay. We can learn from each other, though, and know that Even if you started on 1 path toward fatherhood, you can pivot. You can change. You can make adjustments along the way because, Especially as your kids are young, they're gonna be forgiving, and they're going to accept you who you are, but you have to be willing to change too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:43]:

And you have to be willing to move in that other direction and be willing to say, you know what? This is not working. Or, yeah, this is working. And keep going. So this week, we got another great guest with us. Mac Brock is with us, and Mac is a is the CEO of Proverbs 31 Ministries. has 3 kids. He also has a ton of worship songs that you may or may not have already heard, and we're gonna talk about that music too. And that includes Foods, an RIAA-certified double platinum single, Oh Come to the Altar, a platinum-certified Do It Again, which amazingly has over 129,000,000 YouTube views, and a gold track resurrecting that has 49,000,000 YouTube views. I can't even imagine that many YouTube views, But I would love to have that many YouTube views. But we're gonna be talking about his music as well as well as talking about his journey as a father. Mac, thanks so much for being here today.

Mack Brock [00:02:41]:

So good to be here. I need to correct one thing. It's it's my wife who is the CEO of Proverbs 31. She is the boss lady. I'm just a musician. All I do is write and sing songs. My wife is, like, the superstar, rock star that kinda handles things that are way above my pay grade. Well, I

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:00]:

appreciate that because we gotta give credit where credit's due. And, Meredith, keep up the awesome work. Keep rocking it. You can tell Mac is on your side, and we're all on your side. The So Mac, what I love starting these opportunities to talk with an opportunity to turn the clock back in time. Wouldn't that be great if we just had the power to snap our fingers and we could go back? But we're gonna turn the clock back in time to that first moment, that first moment that you found out that you were going to be a dad to a daughter. What was going through your head?

Mack Brock [00:03:29]:

Man, for both of my kids, I have a son first and then a daughter second. And for both of them, I was very wrong on the gender. I thought I was gonna have a daughter first, then I thought for sure I was gonna have another son. And so finding out I was having a daughter, it was just such a little bit panicky because I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to handle girls. I don't know how this it feels very scary and overwhelming. And then when she came, it was even that was even more magnified of like, alright. What am I supposed to do? But over the years, Step by step, day by day, I feel like me and my wife have learned together how to raise our little girl.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:09]:

Talking about fear, I talked to a lot of dads. And especially dads with daughters, I hear constantly that there is some fear. There is some fear about stepping into the role of being a father the To a daughter. As you've had your daughter in your life and you reflect back on that, what was your biggest fear or what is your biggest fear in raising a daughter? Dog.

Mack Brock [00:04:30]:

I think, you know, we naturally have that protection instinct. And so there's just like, I want to protect her from everything. I wanna protect her from the world, the And, and that's not reality. We can do our part, but, eventually, you know, our goal is to raise up women and to raise up strong women who are independent and can go out into the world. And so I think it's still not I don't know if fear is the right word, but it's still on my mind the know my heart a lot of, like, navigating that, and how do I pour continue to pour into her and to steward her magical imagination, her creativity, and then also steward her strength And Steward, we're growing in to be a woman of the lord and and a woman that is confident and believes in herself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:24]:

I did mention you're a father of 3, and you have 3 different kids with different personalities, and different needs.

Mack Brock [00:05:31]:

All different. Very different.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:33]:

As You look at all 3 of your kids, and you look at yourself as a father, I know that even with two kids, I have to Be engaged with my kids in different ways. I have to understand them differently to be able to spend that unique time with them. To be able to build those relationships, what do you have to do to be able to not only, You know, be the father you wanna be, the husband you wanna be, the musician you wanna be, but what do you have to do to be able to build those unique relationships with each of your kids?

Mack Brock [00:06:09]:

The Yeah. That's such a good point because it is so wild how vastly different my daughter and my son are, the two oldest. They come from, you know, me and my wife, same DNA, same the Same everything, and they are so different. And so I've had to learn just like everybody, they have different interests, different Hobbies and different ways to connect. And so, for my son, it's a lot of playing Fortnite. It's a lot of we have the same sense of humor, so we'll watch Docs YouTube videos where we'll kinda sit and enjoy something together. And my daughter is so different. For my daughter, it's a lot of Reading stories together or sitting down and playing LEGOs together and just having that kind of playtime.

Mack Brock [00:06:53]:

Dog. And even, like, bedtime routines are, like, way different between my kids. You know, my daughter really likes to, like, lay in bed and snuggle and talk and tell the stories to each other. My son was kinda never that way. But I've realized, man, this is like a small the Way to build, like, a deep connection with my daughter that is hopefully building and planting seeds and building a foundation that will last, Like, the rest of our lives in our relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:20]:

I love that because I think you're right. I mean, I think you have to go with the flow in so many ways, and you have to be willing to understand and get to know your kids, what makes them tick, but also what makes them light up the And add more fuel to that fire while at the same time, as you said, stewarding them the in other directions to be able to help them in many different ways. As you look at the fact I said, you are a musician. You live a public life in that way. People know you and your music, and they at least feel like they know you and know your music. Doc. Me about separating that and being able to live the public life while at the same time Protecting the private life while at the same time having your kids see that public life and understanding Who you are publicly versus privately.

Mack Brock [00:08:19]:

Oh, I totally know if I even know how to answer that question because I feel at the core of what I do, I'm just like a worship leader. Dog. You know, I don't feel like this, like, big artist or anything like that. Like, For my career, and my calling in life is to Lead worship, and sometimes that's at our local church in Charlotte. But a lot of times, it's me traveling out and going out, you know, across the country and across the world to lead worship in other places. I think a big thing for me that's always been at the forefront is that I've been very careful for my kids not to ever feel like it's ministry and the church that takes their dad away, and that's, like, the bad thing. You know? Like, my dad's a pastor, and he was very, very good about that. Like, I grew up not hating the church because it kept my dad busy. Like, my dad was very, very good at Connecting the family to everything that he was doing, and I tried to do the same. And so, you know, whether it's, like, bringing my kids along no travel with me or whether it's just, like, having open, constant conversations about what I'm going to do or what I get to be a part of. And so for us, it doesn't feel totally like there's this public persona, and then there's this private persona as much as it feels like this is what your dad does. This is his calling in life. This is when he goes out, and he sings about Jesus, and he tells people about Jesus. And my kids, in some respect, get to feel like they're a part of what I do. And so it's not just me going out and doing my job. It's like Doc. Our family is a part of this thing. And even with my wife's ministry and her running Proverbs 31, it's one big, like, unit of, like, this is what our family's calling are these different ministries that we get to be a part of. And I think just having conversations, allowing our kids to feel somewhat a part of that. I don't know. It's been really special and cool for us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:15]:

Now, raising sons and raising daughters are very different things in many different ways, And it takes a different touch. It takes a different perspective and a different way of parenting. What's been the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter?

Mack Brock [00:10:34]:

I think, going back to what I said earlier, that I want my daughter to be. She's our creative. She's our magical thinker. She lives in, like, this like, her own world of, you know, just constantly creating stories. She's a songwriter. She's only 8, but, like, that's one of the ways that we connect. And so I think, as I said earlier, I think it's like learning to the Steward that and the learning to pour into all the things that make her magical and make her special and the Finding ways to just, like, cultivate and build that into her while at the same time wanting to build strength the in her. And that's one of the things like, my wife is such a strong woman, and she's such a she's just tough.

Mack Brock [00:11:17]:

And I lean on her of, like, how can we cultivate that in Cyrus' life and in Cyrus is hard. How can we make her have that same kind of bigger that my wife has without the Kind of hardening of the soft parts that Cyrus has? She's such a soft, tender, special spirit. And so it's just navigating those 2 things. Docs. It's tough now, but I think it's gonna be even tougher as she gets older and, like, learning how to just navigate that. I think another hard thing, just to be Totally real, is when you have a busy job and when you have, like, a demanding career, whatever it might be, traveling a lot or just, you know, busy at home. It's those moments where your daughter says like, hey.

Mack Brock [00:11:57]:

Will you do this with me? I want you, you know, can you come and sit down and play Legos with me? And you're worn out and tired, and you're like, no. Honestly, I just wanna I need to veg out for a minute. And it's hard to say, like, No. I have got to value and treasure these moments that my daughter is like she's verbally requesting, like, I want a connection with you, and it's the putting down your, I guess, your own, like, rest to make sure you're still, like, getting those connections with your kid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:26]:

So important. And I have definitely had those experiences where, as you said, You come home. You're just wiped, and your kid says, will you do this with me? And you just wanna say, I just need to the Sit down.

Mack Brock [00:12:42]:

And I fail a lot. I'm, you know, I mess I failed that test a lot, but it's something I've been challenging myself with a lot more, too, and just being aware of it And saying like, man, when when your kid is just asking. You know? And it's usually a very simple thing. They're not always asking, like, hey. Will you take me To this or take me to go do this? It's a lot of times it's just like, hey. Will you sit in my room and play with me?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]:

As they get older, that's when they say, will you take me here? Will you take me there? Right.

Mack Brock [00:13:09]:

Right. I'm not quite there yet. Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:10]:

I get that. I completely understand that. So I know that one of the other experiences that you and your wife have had has been in the foster arena and that you stepped a number of years back now into the world of being a foster parent too. And you've had a son come into your life that way. And so talk to me about that journey and what made you and your wife choose to step on that path and bring him into your life.

Mack Brock [00:13:42]:

Yes. Just a quick rundown. So we have, our oldest son, the biological son, Harvey, he's 12. My daughter, Cyrus, is 8. Then in 2020, we decided, we got our foster parents' license and decided to start fostering. And we got a little boy come to live with us named Z, and he's been with us for about three and a half years now.

Mack Brock [00:14:02]:

Fostering was always something that was on my wife's heart, and it wasn't really on mine. But it was kind of like, I'll take the classes, and I'll read the books and take it one step at a time, and ultimately, It became a big portion of my heart as well of, like, feeling the call to do that. And yeah. And so it was just a lot of little yeses that ultimately led to, like, the big yes of you get the phone call, and they're like, hey. We have this little boy. He's five months old.

Mack Brock [00:14:31]:

He needs a place to stay for the immediate future, then we'll figure out what's next. In the immediate future, a week turns into a month, turns into six months, turns into three and a half years. And so that has been, it's been a gift for us. It's been a challenge, obviously. I mean, just having a 3-year-old is a challenge. So that is what comes with the territory. But I think one of the things that is talking about parenting and all that aspect is there's been a lot of the healthy but also, like, difficult conversations with our bio kids of saying like, hey. Like, we're bringing in Doubt.

Mack Brock [00:15:06]:

This other person that's gonna take a lot of our attention, and he's gonna have a lot of things that we have to focus on. And that's gonna take attention away from you, or that's gonna take the time away from you. And so even just being honest about the realities of fostering or the realities of adding another kid to your family. Those have been healthy conversations. It's also just been the reality of, like, they're difficult. Those are difficult things for kids to go through, and it's led to a lot of, like, just good connections. And I think it's interesting because, for my wife and me, that's something that we say yes to.

Mack Brock [00:15:42]:

And when we decided to say yes to it, we wanted to bring our kids in, explain to them, here's where we're leaning. We want to make sure y'all feel comfortable with this as well. And they're kids, and so it's not like they can totally create here's my consent, and here are all the things of, you know, all these the arguments or whatever, but they were very excited about it. But it's something we've had to continue to have conversations about throughout the whole journey, and the Three and a half years that Z has been with us continue to have conversations about where they're at, how their own heart is feeling, how their own emotions are feeling. Sometimes they're up, and sometimes they're down, but thing is the openness of the conversation has been the best thing for us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:22]:

So talk to me a little bit about being a foster dad and how that differs for you from how you parent your other kids, if it is different. I'm sure that there are people who hear about or know people who have fostered, but they don't know How you have to parent in either the same or different way.

Mack Brock [00:16:45]:

So when Z first came to live with us, there were a lot of obstacles right from the get-go, but you're loving him like you would love any baby, and and you would love any child that's in your care. And I think to be totally transparent and vulnerable a little bit; there was a time early on where it was like, you know, part of fostering is the goal ultimately is reunification with bio parents. That's the goal. And so it is, by definition, like a temporary thing. And me and my wife, the We felt ourselves a little bit switch into this mentality of almost, like, just caring for this child instead of bringing this child in as our son for the time that he was with us. And we felt that in our hearts even if it was, like, unspoken. And we had to have a conversation with each other very early on of, like, hey. Are you feeling this way? Like, I don't like I don't like that I'm feeling this way.

Mack Brock [00:17:38]:

And I think that we have to switch our mentality and switch our heart. Like, we can't treat this as temporary. Even if it is temporary, We can't treat we have to treat z as our son, and we had a very open conversation about that as a couple of saying, like, we're gonna make the decision. Like, We're gonna love him like our son. We're gonna treat him like our son. Our mentality, our heart is gonna treat him like he is ours, Whether it's for 6 months or what it's become now, you know, where he's been with us for a long time. And that was such a pivotal switch for us mentally in the way that we were able to, like, just love on him. And he is my son.

Mack Brock [00:18:16]:

And even if it's temporary, it's something that I had to make sure I felt that in my heart and expressed that to him.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:24]:

I can only imagine, especially I mean, he's been there longer than some placements Probably would happen. And as you said, you put your whole heart into him as your son and Not as just caring for someone in a temporary capacity, and you've had your those conversations with your own children the As he came to live with you, but they're seeing him as a part of the family too. And there may come a day when Z goes back and is reunified. And I'm sure that while there's probably some training that they try to put you through, It's not gonna be easy. And have you thought about that in how you and your wife and your family will be able to reconcile with that as well?

Mack Brock [00:19:11]:

Yeah. I mean, that's the reality with foster care, and those are heavy things for a child to walk through. And so we definitely had a lot of conversations of, like, what if this happens? What if this happens? How how are we gonna handle it? And there are a lot of resources for, like, the Family therapy and group therapy and then individual, like, child therapy to, like, walk through just even, like, the grieving process If you have to walk through something like that. And so we've had a lot of those conversations. We haven't had to walk through that personally. We've had a lot of friends that have a lot of foster Parent friends that have had to go through that. But, yeah, we haven't had to cross that bridge, but we've definitely talked a lot about what are the steps we would need to take. If that came to pass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:56]:

I mentioned at the beginning, you are an artist and, as you said, a worship leader and an artist. So talk to me about that story for yourself, and what drew you into wanting to be not only A worship leader but beyond that, an artist that has 100,000,000 views on YouTube and having people that are really connecting to the music that you're putting out into the world.

Mack Brock [00:20:25]:

Yeah. I mean, I grew up in the church, like I said before, and so I grew up. My mom's a musician. She's a drummer and grew up around music and ministry. That was, like, my whole life all growing up. And so naturally, kinda led into, It's just a part of my life and one of the things that I was constantly, like, in front of me.

Mack Brock [00:20:43]:

And when I look back, me and my wife, we've been married for 17 years. And Dog. Even in our marriage, when we look back, we didn't have these grand here's our 5-year plan, our 10-year plan, our 15-year plan for our marriage or for even my career or anything like that, it was it's a lot of the step by step the Small obediences to the lord when they're in front of us that I feel like has led to where we're at now. And so that led to Doubt. We moved to Charlotte to be a part of Elevation Church when it was first getting started to pouring into that ministry and and writing those songs and then stepping Dog. Of Elevation Church into, like, kind of a solo career. It was just something that was, like, always stuff that was always in front of us, saying yes and trying our best to be obedient with what was in front of us. And so now we look back, and we see, wow.

Mack Brock [00:21:37]:

Look at what the lord has done. Look at it's amazing, and and it's wild. And it's Crazy to to see what he's done, but it was never, and we're both planners. Me and my wife are both type a. We like goals. We like to have a plan. We like to know what's ahead of us, what we're working towards, but it's pretty crazy to see that even with all of our own personal goals or all of our own, like, dreams, It all boils down to what's in front of us, being good stewards of what's right of what we have today, the And being obedient to what we have today, and that's kind of what's led to where we're at now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:13]:

I love that. Now you talked about the fact that you started Elevation Church, and you worked with Elevation the church, and then you broke off into that solo career. And I'm sure there's, as you talked about within foster care, I'm sure that you put all your heart and soul into elevation. And then, as you broke off, there's probably some grieving that happens. And not having that one church that you're there all the time and you're part of, and now you're putting your heart and soul into the solo career in the music itself. But talk to me about the difference there for you And now going from being at the church and worshiping at that church to now being in the solo career, not having the same community that you're constantly being a part of, but you have a broader community now that you're a part of and sharing the gospel with.

Mack Brock [00:23:06]:

Yeah. I mean, I'm such, and I grew up playing in bands. I love being a part of a team doing, like, Mac Brock, quote, unquote. It's, like, never, like, in the cards for me. I was like, that sounds awful. But when we felt like the lord was calling us to step away from elevation. It wasn't to pursue a solo career. It was just we felt like we were supposed to be obedient to that calling of stepping away, not sure what was next.

Mack Brock [00:23:32]:

But then it naturally led to me continuing to write songs, me wanting to, like, the Still create music, and so that's kinda what led to even where I'm at now. And, yeah, it is different. It's like you said, there there is a different type of community. No. There's a different type of team that I'm a part of, and I still have lots of musician friends that still travel with me, or it's not necessarily, like, a Part of a specific, you know, worship ministry, church, whatever, but there's still a core group of people that are Still, like, heavily involved in what would I do, and I don't feel like I'm alone or solo in that sense, which I'm very, very grateful Dollar.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:10]:

Well, I know you've got a new album out. Just Like You've Always Done is your newest album that's out. And I guess Dog. Talk to me a little bit about the writing process and what you do to Bring these new, not only the new songs but these new albums out into the world, what you have to go through personally To be able to not only come up with the inspiration but be able to put them all together than to create the new album for your fans.

Mack Brock [00:24:42]:

The hardest part is is, the Like, the songwriting aspect. You know? There's just a lot of writing, and it's a lot of reworking. And, I mean, there's so many songs that come into the process of making, like, a full album, which I'm, like, still, like, kind of in the middle of. I'm still navigating, like, what songs are gonna be on, what's, you know, what songs are getting cut. So there's it's such a long process in that respect. Even today, I was kinda, like, pacing around the house, and Meredith could tell, like, she's the She's like, something's, like, going on with you. I was like, man, I had just had I can't crack this 1 song that I'm, like, working on. There's something about it that I gotta, like, penetrate to fix it, and I can't figure it out right now, and it's bothering me.

Mack Brock [00:25:23]:

And so there's just a lot of, like, that digging and the the next layer. You know? Because, Basically, there's a lot of songs that start, and you write it with a group of people, you know, hit a couple of people, or you write it by yourself. That's almost like the easy part is to, like, start a song and get it going. But it's the next layer of digging and trying to figure out, like, what's the best version of the song? Am I really communicating in the most efficient way or the best way that I want to communicate? And so it's that digging. And then when you have the song done, then it's like, how do we want it to sound? And, you know, how are we gonna get it out? Doc. So there's just so many different layers. Every step of the way, there are so many different ways to make a song succeed and make a song, like, work or make it not the best version of itself, which I've done several times.

Mack Brock [00:26:14]:

And so it's just being diligent and persevering through the process, knowing that it is just a process. And so I love the process, as frustrating as it can be, as discouraging as it can be. Like any creative, You go through this cyclical thing of, like, I think this is awesome. Oh, wait. This sucks. Oh, wait. No. It's not as bad as I thought it was.

Mack Brock [00:26:36]:

The Oh, okay. It's not as great as I thought it was gonna, you know, like, there's just this cyclical thing, but I think being aware of that for me helps me know the This is part of the process. I just gotta, like, push through and keep working, keep digging. And I'm always grateful for when it's finally done and out, and I'm able to, like, release it out into the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:54]:

I love that. And people have not heard the music on this album. What should they be looking forward to the most, and what do you hope that people are gonna take away from the music?

Mack Brock [00:27:03]:

So the album is still kind of in progress. I released the song just like you've always done. That's the 1st single for the album. And then the album releases early next year. And there are a lot of songs that I just am, like, so excited for people to hear. But just like you've always done, the song that's out now has been such a great I think that's a great start to the song because it's thematically, or it's a great start to the album because the Thematically, it hits so many things that I'm very passionate about. One of the biggest things that I'm passionate about is remembering and declaring them and helping people focus on just the faithfulness of God. Because if you're a dad out there, you know that seasons come and seasons go, and there are the highs, and there are lows, and there are mountain tops, and there are dollies.

Mack Brock [00:27:45]:

And it's so easy to get your mind or your eyes off of the Lord no And to be discouraged and to feel like whatever season you're in, if you're in a down season, it's never gonna end. And so just to be reminded of, like, the consistency and the steadiness of who Jesus is in our lives and trusting that, I find so much hope in that. Dog. And there are so many songs on the new album that kinda touches on that as well, and so I'm very excited about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:12]:

Well, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Mack Brock [00:28:18]:

Okay. Let's go.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:19]:

In one word, what is fatherhood? Chaos. When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

Mack Brock [00:28:27]:

Honestly, this past week, I was talking to Cyrus came with me to a band rehearsal. And at the end of the night, we had a big prayer time. And when she was driving home, just hearing her process, what we talked about in our prayer time, how she talks to Jesus and what she does when she's feeling anxious. No Just even having that conversation with her, I don't know if that felt like I've succeeded as a father, but it was a big win.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:50]:

If your kids were here and I was talking to all 3 of them, How would they describe you as a dad?

Mack Brock [00:28:55]:

Not cool. I'm always trying to tell my kids that I'm a cool dad, and They don't believe me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:02]:

Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Mack Brock [00:29:04]:

I've got several friends that I look to often and see the way that they're raising their kids and the relationships that they have with their kids that are, like, teenagers now or college that very inspiring, and I'm constantly, like, the Asking. Alright. Help me in this season. What I'm doing now helps me cultivate these relationships that you have with your kids now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:25]:

You've given a lot of pieces of advice, a lot of things people to think about today; as we finish up, what's one piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad?

Mack Brock [00:29:33]:

Be as present as possible and be even for me, I travel so much with my work, but I've worked it out in a way that that when I'm home, I can just be present, and I'm home a lot. And so just be present and make yourself, like, seen and known, and make sure that your kids know that you're seeing them and knowing them. It's just so easy, even when you're home, to be on your phone or be locked in on Netflix or whatever it might be, and I do. I'm guilty of all those things too, but I'm challenged myself, and I'm challenged to make sure that my kids know that I see them, that my Them. Kids know that I'm there present with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:05]:

Well, Mac, I want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your own journey today and for sharing the things that you've learned as you've gone through fatherhood. If people wanna find out more about you, about your music, or about Meredith's organization, whatever it may be, where should they go to find out more?

Mack Brock [00:30:23]:

I mean, you can go to MackBrock .com, but there's also just Mac Brock on Instagram or Mara Brock on Instagram. That's where you'll find us. We're there a lot.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:32]:

Well, Mac, thank you so much for sharing your story today, and I wish you all the best.

Mack Brock [00:30:37]:

Thank you. This is great. Appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:39]:

If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad who wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. The And the Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step road maps, and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out atfatheringtogether.org.

Dr. Christopher Lewis:

Dad's with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis :

We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents. Bring your A-Game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

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In a recent episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis delved into an insightful conversation with guest Dai Manuel, focusing on the unique challenges of fatherhood, maintaining resilience in relationships, and embracing whole-life fitness as a means of self-improvement. As the father of two daughters and an advocate for holistic well-being, Dai Manuel shared his experiences as an "on-demand dad" and discussed the emotional journey of transitioning into the empty nest phase. In this blog post, we'll explore the valuable insights and practical advice shared by Dai Manuel on navigating fatherhood, fostering resilient relationships, and pursuing holistic fitness for a fulfilling life.

Fatherhood and the Empty Nest Phase

Dai Manuel candidly shared his experiences of fatherhood, particularly as his daughters have grown up and moved out of the family home, leaving him and his wife as empty nesters. As a father, he discussed the emotional challenges of letting go and acknowledging the everlasting nature of parenting, even as children grow older and become independent. He highlighted the importance of recognizing the evolving role of a parent and the continuous support needed by children, even into adulthood.

Resilience in Relationships

The conversation also delved into the impact of empty nesting on the relationship dynamics between parents. Dai Manuel emphasized the need for intentional, consistent, and persistent efforts to build resilience in relationships, especially during the transition to empty nesting. He shared insights on the importance of using specific language and establishing a dedicated weekly date night as effective tools for strengthening the bond between partners. Dai's recommendations of relationship books such as "The 5 Love Languages," "The Four Agreements," and "Conscious Loving" serve as valuable resources for maintaining healthy and resilient relationships.

Navigating Parental Concerns and Relationships

Dai Manuel reflected on the challenges of navigating parental concerns, particularly in his youngest daughter's relationship. Drawing from his experience in men's coaching and relationship work, Dai shared a meaningful conversation he had with his daughter about recognizing toxic behaviors in her relationship. He emphasized the significance of stepping in as a father to help children perceive situations that they may not fully understand. Additionally, he recommended the book "The Way of the Superior Man" and highlighted insights from it, which played a pivotal role in his conversation with his daughter.

Embracing Vulnerability and Whole Life Fitness

Dai spoke about the impact of vulnerability in fostering deep connections with his daughters and in his relationships. This vulnerability extends beyond parenting and into his brand new podcast, "The 2% Solution," which focuses on whole-life fitness. He emphasized the significance of engaging in physical, emotional, spiritual, relationship, and financial fitness as essential components of a fulfilling life. The podcast aims to provide actionable strategies that can be implemented in as little as 30 minutes a day, focusing on areas such as releasing trauma, clarifying values, and using fitness as a catalyst for overall well-being.

Taking Action for Holistic Well-Being

Dai Manuel's encouragement for incorporating a nutrient-dense green smoothie and 30 minutes of brisk walking into daily routines is a practical example of taking action for holistic well-being. He emphasized the positive impacts on sleep, stress management, food choices, physical changes, and metabolism, urging listeners to embrace these simple habits for positive transformation.

In summary, Dai Manuel's insights offered a wealth of wisdom on navigating the empty nest phase, fostering resilient relationships, embracing vulnerability, and pursuing holistic fitness. His commitment to supporting fathers and individuals in their pursuit of well-being serves as an inspiration for all. As we navigate the complexities of parenthood and seek personal growth, Dai's advice and experiences serve as a guiding light for creating meaningful connections, building resilience, and embracing holistic well-being through intentional actions.

Download Dai's Green Smoothies here

Learn more about Dai here

In the spirit of continuous improvement, the Dads With Daughters podcast extends an invitation to join the Fatherhood Insider and the Dads with Daughters Facebook community for ongoing support, resources, and connection with fellow dads.

If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:

Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:

Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. I am really excited to have you back again this week, every week. I love being able to sit down with you and talk to you about the journey that you're on, share some of my own experiences, and really delve into the things that are challenging you and bringing people to talk to you about the journey that they have had the And things that they can offer to help your journey be even smoother than it may have already been. Every father comes to fatherhood in different ways. There's no one right way to father. We've talked about that numerous times in numerous episodes, Dog. And it's so true because the way that you fathered, the way that I fathered, is going to be just a little bit different. But that doesn't mean that we can't learn from one another.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]:

That doesn't mean that we can't be vulnerable with one another and talk about our challenges because there will be challenges. It's not always going to be the Roses. It's not always going to be easy, but if you surround yourself with people who will help you, we'll lift you up. That is only going to help you be a stronger father and be there, more engaged, and a better parent in the end for your kids. Every week, I love being able to bring you different guests, different men, different people who have lots of different experiences that they can share with you. This week, I am really excited to be able to bring back the Repeat guest, Di Manuel, who is with us today. Di is a repeat guest. As I said, he was first with us on May 18th, 2020.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:58]:

It's been two and a half years. Been quite a while. Things have changed in Dai's life, and we're gonna talk about some of those changes that have happened. We're Doc. We're also gonna be talking about some of the things that he's doing right now to support dads and people to be able to really change their mindset, Dog. Think about not only fitness, wellness, and more but really changing your mindset to moving yourself in the right direction toward whole body fitness. And when I say fitness, it's not just about exercise, so we're gonna talk about that too. Di, thanks so much for being here today.

Dai Manuel [00:02:31]:

Chris, man, I gosh. The Last time we chatted was, like, a new lockdown. It was. Crazy, right, to think about wow, dude. This is awesome. I mean, it's, no, but it's funny, right, because we're connected online. Right? Like, I see you show up in my feed regularly. I see each other commenting in different groups.

Dai Manuel [00:02:49]:

So I feel like We've been there all the time. You know? So it's, but it's nice to be here in this formal, wow, return guest. I mean, I'm just honored to be back again. I'm like, wow. Do I have something extra to talk about? I'm sure gonna try.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:03]:

Well, as I said, things have changed since the last time we talked. And the last time we talked, your kids were you had one that was graduating. You had another that was still in high school and getting ready to keep going on in high Doc. Since then, they've both been out of the house. They're both doing their thing. They're adulting in their own ways, and now they have grown and flown. And I guess I wanted to talk a little bit about that and some of the new reality for you and your spouse and to talk about some of the things that you've had to do as your kids have moved out of the house to now be able to still be a be their dad, But maybe in a little bit different way.

Dai Manuel [00:03:47]:

DOD, the acronym. I'm a dad on demand. Alright? Docs. It's quite literally. You know, when I think about it now, my kids, are quick to ask for help when they need it, But that's about it. Otherwise, they're exerting their independence every which way they can. And you know what? Right on. Because I mean, I remember when I was 18 and moving away from home.

Dai Manuel [00:04:10]:

I moved all the way across the country. You know? At 18, I graduated high school, and I was okay. Peace out. I'm gone. Dog. And I literally went from Toronto, you know, like, on Ontario all the way to Vancouver, which is the furthest I could go on the West Coast. And so I remember the excitement, the exhilaration, but also the fear, right, associated with all that. Now, with my daughters, they're both still in the province, which is awesome.

Dai Manuel [00:04:32]:

So they're within distance. My one daughter, you know, literally an hour away. My other daughter is about 6 hours away. So I don't see them as much as I'd like to. Of course. That transition from them leaving home, That move-out day, because we moved them. We did. We moved both of them into the universities, one on campus, the other one renting a room and shared home.

Dai Manuel [00:04:53]:

And just the act of moving them and then driving away. It was really hard. I didn't realize how challenging it was gonna be. I mean, I remember my mom just bawling your eyes out that day that I was leaving to get on the plane to move to Vancouver. Right? Like, I remember just losing it and being like, What's up, Mom? What's wrong with you? You know? Like, don't worry about it. It's not like I'm dying here. I'm just I'm just moving. I get it now.

Dai Manuel [00:05:19]:

I get it. And, obviously, I didn't bawl like my mom did, but I shed some tears. There was this feeling of a clap and just being all choked up. And that's just the, I guess, part of life. Right? We all process it a little bit differently. It was much harder on my wife, full disclosure. It was definitely more challenging for her, especially when our 2nd daughter moved away because now it was, like, the 20 years of having kids around to no kids around. And what should be the 1st to say that I'm kind of a big kid?

Dai Manuel [00:05:44]:

But, anyway, I at least clean up after myself. But it's been just an interesting last few months. We're in a great place now. We talk to the kids regularly. We always have a Sunday night Zoom call, all of us on the call. We do message. We have a very active WhatsApp Family feed that we're constantly sharing. We also have a family feed on Instagram for us to share some of the funny posts that we're consuming.

Dai Manuel [00:06:04]:

And so there's lots of regular the contact still, but it's not that face to face like I was used to. So all that being said, it's just, I hate the cliche, but I'm gonna say it anyways. You know? Such as life, and it just goes on. Right? So but, yeah, that's that's more or less, you know, the update over the last few months because it's it's been interesting. The One

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]:

of the things that I guess that I wanna follow up on and ask you about there is the fact that you and your wife are now empty nesters, the We're gonna say Right. You're out of the house, and it's just the 2 of you now. And that is a transition for many as you have gone from a dynamic of the 1st 4, then 3, and now just the 2 of you. How has that changed your relationships, and what have you had to do? To be able to fill that gap and maybe even reconnect in some ways now that the kids are not there.

Dai Manuel [00:06:56]:

Great question, Chris, because I also know that this is well, let's be honest. This is a big issue for a lot of couples. You know? When the kids move out of the house, I mean I, and I hate to say this, but we all sorta know what the underlying Reality is here. And a lot of times, parents stay together until the kids leave the home. I remember my parents, they did that for the longest as they could, but they eventually got to a place where it's like, no. Dog. My dad's mental health, my mom's mental health, they needed to split. But I know that it went on for years, trying to keep the family unit together. Even though the relationship between the parents, you know, was not something to emulate.

Dai Manuel [00:07:32]:

You know? Like, you could tell there are issues. So this whole piece around relationships and that dynamic constantly variable relationship, this romantic relationship, you know, between my wife and I, I have to be well, then I'm gonna share with you. You know, there's 1 thing that's helped us navigate this really well. And what I mean by that is it's the resiliency to deal with stress. That's what we're all looking to improve In every aspect of life, right, like resiliency, you can make yourself more resilient, being consistent and persistent enough To build up certain tolerances, if you will, or buffers. Right? And what I mean by that is, obviously, if you do some of that exercise and work out fairly regularly, You're gonna be on the far end of healthy. Right? So if you get sick or an injury, you're gonna shift back a little bit, but you might go from being uber-healthy to healthy. So you have a bit more buffer where, you know, some people might be struggling to be healthy.

Dai Manuel [00:08:23]:

They get a major injury or sickness. Woah. They go to unhealth very quickly. And so it's, again, building up resilience in all these different ways. And when it comes to our relationship, there's one thing that I think's given us a lot of resilience as a couple. And I think we might have shared about this before, but Chris, I use a certain type of language. Anybody who sees my social or hears me talking about my wife, I always say we've been dating for x amount of years. Like, I've been dating my wife now going on 23 years.

Dai Manuel [00:08:50]:

I am very selective with that language. I'm intentional with that language. Because my wife today, Chris, is very different than the woman I met almost 23 years ago. But if I didn't intentionally, with a lot of diligence and patience, but also a wanting to constantly reconnect. Rediscover all those aspects that are shifting in us if I didn't do that, obviously, that idea of growing apart. Is a reality, but we wanted to grow together, not apart. And for that, we had a dedicated date night that was nonnegotiable.

Dai Manuel [00:09:27]:

Both of our calendars every week, Saturday night, 5 to 11. Boom. Nonnegotiable. Like, we have friends that call us, and they'll be like, oh, no. It's Saturday night. We can only ask Diane Christie if we ask them as a couple. You know? It's not like one or the other. Dog.

Dai Manuel [00:09:42]:

But this has been really a godsend for us. You know? Like this dedicated evening every week, doesn't matter how busy life is, the How much chaos is going on around us or for us or into us. Right? We know we have this little oasis to look forward to where we have that intentional energy shared with each of us, between us. And so that has been one thing that has really helped us with the resiliency in our relationship. There are other things as well. For, I recommend people read the 5 love Languages and the four agreements, two great books that I highly recommend, and there's also a book called Conscious Loving. Those are three key relationship books I recommend to anybody and everybody who listens to me, and quite frank, you don't need any other relationship books. If you had those 3, you've got everything covered.

Dai Manuel [00:10:26]:

The Okay? But that's really it. That piece that's allowed us to sort of sustain that part of us, you know, as a couple. And since the kids have left, It's been even more important to honor that weekly date, if you know what I mean, because it is interesting because it was just so many opportunities for us to do things during the week When the kids are around. When the kids weren't there, all of a sudden, it's like saying yes to, you know, she might come home late after work, or I might do an impromptu workout with a buddy or Go for a bike ride. Like, before, we would have had this time to come together and meet and start preparing dinner, etcetera, and that's not happening as regularly now. And so intentional date night is even more important now than it was when we had kids, which is interesting. And I know some people are thinking, oh, that's Different, but, no, it's true. It really is true.

Dai Manuel [00:11:08]:

Because I can see how couples grow apart when the kids go away. I really do see that. So we're doing our darndest not to let that happen.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:15]:

You talked originally about the kids and how you are letting them fly and that they are they're dads on-demand type of aspect. Dog. Talk to me about what you've had to do to let go because for many men, for many fathers, you want to still be a part of their lives, and you want to stay engaged, but as you said, dad on demand, and you have to give them that space to be able to do the things that they need to do to adult, to learn, to grow, but that's not always easy. So talk to me about what you've had to do to be able to get into that mindset or get yourself in that place where you can let go.

Dai Manuel [00:12:00]:

Wow. That's a great question. That's a really, really great question. And, you know, I'm like, geez. I wish I could've listened episode that gave me this information before. You know? So with us, actually, I'll bring it back a step for a second. The Wonder, how do I present? Well, I'm just gonna say it as it is. You know? Whatever.

Dai Manuel [00:12:19]:

I'll let that it'll come out in the wash. My daughter's both dating. Okay? They both had some boyfriends boyfriend. My eldest daughter just went through her 1st big breakup, so she's sort of in that state of being single again and figuring out what that looks like, but she's been in a long-term relationship for over three years with the same guy and great guy. We, like, became part of our family quite literally. And so us as his parents, Obviously, we could be very naive and think, wow. I thought they'd be together forever. You know, it's like she's barely 21.

Dai Manuel [00:12:50]:

Right? Forget about it. But There was that feeling of wanting to protect them emotionally and psychologically, being there to console them, to protect And guard them against any negative. But that was something that we had to try, and it's been easier for me than my wife. The Okay. She's had a hard time with this because we both have an idea of how she can handle things better. How can you handle the breakup a little bit better? What's the intention? Where are you going after this breakup? Like, really just asking some very specific questions that are challenging, but to also help her be more reflective, But also learn from this experience because that's the thing with kids. And, I mean, we can all probably attest to this. We've been in the exactly same place where it's like Done.

Dai Manuel [00:13:34]:

Moving on. Right? And it's like, well, listen. The only way we prevent patterns from happening again and again is you have to recognize there is a pattern or Set some intentions before a pattern is created. And so we found that wanting to have these conversations with our girls is very, very present for my wife and I, and we've had to stop trying to force those conversations. That has been one of the hardest things for us is to just let go and let them live their lives. Let them make mistakes because we see them making them. You don't believe me. Do you see what I'm making? I'm like, dude.

Dai Manuel [00:14:08]:

I've done that one, like, 10 times. You just listened to me. Maybe I could have saved you some Doesn't matter. They wanna do their thing, and it's been the hardest thing, man. Like, honestly, I struggle with it a lot. But a little case in point: As parents, I don't think we can ever 100% let go. We can. At least, I don't believe I can.

Dai Manuel [00:14:25]:

I think that would be impossible because I'm until the Day I die, they're still gonna be my little girls. You know? Like, I could be a 100-year-old. They could be, like, in their seventies, and they're still my little girls. Right? Like, whatever. I'm still gonna parent, though. And here's the thing. My youngest daughter has been in a relationship for a couple of years. The Guy's a really nice guy.

Dai Manuel [00:14:45]:

He's stand-up-ish, but he is young. Maturity isn't quite there yet because, I mean, they're both under 20. Right? Like, they're they're just young. But we've recognized that there's been some signs of toxicity in the relationship. Certain tendencies in communication, Dog. The way they talk to one another, the way that they communicate through text or TikTok or whatever they're talking through. Right? Like, There are just certain aspects that aren't respectful. And in fact, because of our knowledge and experience, you know, like, I work with a lot of men and I do men's coaching, etcetera, etcetera.

Dai Manuel [00:15:18]:

I've also done a lot of work for the last 15 years on myself when it comes to relationships. So I'm much more in tune and mindful of what I'm observing. And people are probably familiar with the four apocalypses. Right? The writers of, and I'm not talking about the biblical sense, but I'm talking about the relationship killers, You know, like stonewalling, right, or gaslighting. And there are certain habits that are killers when it comes to relationships, And that growth that we can actually experience being in a healthy relationship, you know, and we sort of, and it's often based around fear and insecurities and just not knowing a healthier way the doing things. We've started to recognize in our daughters some of these tendencies, whether they're on the receiving end or sometimes they're on the dishing end. And I had this great conversation with my youngest daughter where I don't normally meddle in relationship conversations. Okay, Chris? I don't.

Dai Manuel [00:16:09]:

I don't talk about that. I'm very surface when it comes to talking about relationships, and because I just know that that's something that they gotta work through, but also, being that they're girls, They relate better with my wife when talking about relationships. My wife is great with that. She likes dealing with that. So I know I'm sort of, like, the backup pinched hitter when needed. Okay? And I was needed. Coach put me in because we could tell that there was something very wrong, and there was a pattern that we wanted to deal with and address. I sat down with her.

Dai Manuel [00:16:37]:

You know, both of us are sitting there, but I just started to explain some of the things I was observing in her boyfriend, But also things I was observing in her, how they started to compromise on some of their values. Some of the things that they were attracted to initially are now becoming so biased to one way, meaning very controlling type of things, wanting to know where they're at because they're also in a distance relationship right now. So some of these added pressures have now been added in, and so we brought this up with her and educated her, but also empowered her with some language around this. And this is the win. A week later, she came back and said, I had a conversation with them, and it went amazing. We're both working on it. Like, just to see them take that, which was really sensitive, especially Giving them some relationship advice, right, or coaching or mentorship, but seeing her receive it and then actually go and try to apply it. It was like A very proud moment for me when I got them to pat me on the back.

Dai Manuel [00:17:30]:

I was like, yeah. It went. But even my wife, after the fact, she's like, you know what? That was exactly what she needed to hear. I don't get involved in those conversations very often, but when I do, I'm very specific in what I'm observing and try to share it in a way that's not antagonistic, more reflective, and more inquisitory. Right? Like, I'm here to ask more questions to help her come to that discovery. And so everything that I'm sharing right now, hopefully, is just giving people ideas of ways to maybe navigate some of the harder conversations because this is really when we start talking about vulnerability, right, and that ability to utilize vulnerability as a skill to deepen connection and understanding and relatability. So, yeah, that's really it right there. But I mean, I don't know if that answered your question fully, but I touched on it from both sides of the fence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:15]:

I think that so often, dads would not step into those conversations because you wanna give them that space. You want them to learn and grow. You want them to sometimes fail, but I love what you said there that there are times when you need to step in, and you need to show leadership, and you need to be able to help your child to be able to see things that may be right in front of them, But that they can't see.

Dai Manuel [00:18:43]:

Exactly. Spot on. And to be fair, I also the There's a book I recommend to a lot of men, and you could be a father or not a father. It doesn't matter. This book will be relevant, but it's called The Way of the Superior Man by David Dita. And just so you know, I know when I brought that book home the 1st time, my wife's like, what a chauvinistic book. She just looked at the title, and it does. It sounds extremely chauvinistic, But it is not what you think.

Dai Manuel [00:19:07]:

The way the superior man is really about this idea of what it means to be a great man or how to continuously evolve into a better version of oneself. But this speaks from a man representing a man's standpoint in their viewpoint. Great book. And so I had just reread that. So There were also some insights that I gleaned from that that I remembered from a couple of the chapters that was literally I could put it side by side what my daughter was the in her relationship. It was like the exact example shared in the book. So that also helped me with articulating, but also painting the picture. Sure.

Dai Manuel [00:19:40]:

But also Chris is the big one. And to echo exactly what you said, this idea about vulnerability and being able to step in, I shared some of my own past experiences where either I was on the receiving end or on the giving end and explaining how it made me feel and how it affected my relationships in the negative. So, being able to share that intimate knowledge with my daughter was also a piece that I could see just in her eyes when we were sharing that. It was just like it registered. Like, it was like, okay. I get it. This isn't like it's just a problem that I'm dealing with. This is a problem that everybody deals with.

Dai Manuel [00:20:11]:

Even my dad dealt with it. And I think one thing I've had to take The heart is I've been very selective about some of the past stories I share with my kids. You know? Like, until I did my TEDx talk a couple of years ago On vulnerability, but actually speaking about my challenges with alcohol for a good 15 years of my life, my daughters had no idea about that, and a lot of the things I shared in that talk. And I remember the day I gave that talk to them as a dry run-in one of my rehearsals the week before I actually went on the stage to do it. And remember their tears welling up and crying from a place of love, understanding, and respect. And, that was the best hug I ever had. In fact, the delivery of my TEDx Duck was far better than the one I did on the stage. But, again, it's all about this idea of sort of tapping into some of these emotions and learning how to better articulate them.

Dai Manuel [00:20:58]:

It is not easy at all. Full disclosure: it's hard, but it's also extremely worth it. And so I'd want to encourage and invite people to start doing it. Don't worry. You can't Chew this up. Okay? You can. Just the fact that your kids see you trying, wow, it will be inspiring, and it will bring you closer together with your kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:15]:

Speaking of that TEDx talk, it makes me wanna transition and talk a little bit about your brand new podcast because you did just the Share that TEDx Talk on your podcast, The 2% Solution. And I guess, first and foremost, I mean, you've been out there for quite some time. Dog. You know, you've shared videos and, you know, you've done a lot on fitness and working with men and women, just people that want to live healthier lifestyles. And Now you've brought what you have been sharing from an exercise end, wholesale cyclical Doc. To the point of now talking about what you're calling the 2% solution. Talk to me about that. What is your goal with this podcast? Why now? And why is it important to get this message out?

Dai Manuel [00:22:02]:

Thanks, Chris. Well, first of all, my book that was published a while ago is now Doc. It was called the Whole Life Fitness Manifesto, and it was a resource that allows people to better understand how to get started with creating more whole-life health and well-being for themselves. And what I mean by whole-life fitness is that fitness is an action. It's an activity that will help move the needle forward in certain areas, in particular, health areas. Right? Like, we wanna see blood pressure decrease well. Start walking 5 times a week for 30 minutes a day, you know, drink some extra water, and increase your fiber intake. Wow.

Dai Manuel [00:22:36]:

Look. All of a sudden, those markers start to improve. So we can quantify things quite nicely, But we can also qualify based on how we feel once we've achieved the result. But this is more than just physical fitness. We can talk about emotional fitness. We can talk about spiritual fitness, Relationship fitness, and financial fitness. Right? This really implies the activities we're doing to see those areas get stronger, Healthier, and more resilient because it does imply intentional actions to see the results through. But a lot of us get confused.

Dai Manuel [00:23:08]:

What's the best action to start with? How often do I do it? The How do I do it? Why the hell do I even rather do this? You know, like, there there's all these big questions that sometimes we just skimp over. We don't give the the necessary Dime or attention to really get clear with ourselves on what's the path in front of us. A lot of the time, we just feel like we're bushwhacking. We got a big machete, and we're just trying to get our way through it as best we can, but it is not a very efficient way to travel. You're gonna get really tired, and you probably will give up because it's not very fun. The Whole Life Fitness Manifesto teaches people how to leverage 2% of every 24 hours. That's where the 2% solution comes in. 2% of every, 24 hours is almost almost 30 minutes a day.

Dai Manuel [00:23:49]:

So it's really 30 minutes. I just tell people 30 minutes. I'm rounding up a little bit, but it's 30 minutes a day of intentional activities to see your physical body, your mental and emotional body, as well as that spiritual body. And all these parts of you gain resiliency. Get healthier. The 2% Solution podcast is just an extension of that where I'm now talking to different guest Docs on different subjects and sharing some great actionable tips and strategies that can be applied in as little as 30 minutes a day. To see improvement in the area that those subject matter experts are speaking to. Also, on every Monday, I've got a Monday motivation, super short. The Episode is always less than 7 minutes, which sets you up mindset-wise for the week ahead.

Dai Manuel [00:24:34]:

And then Fridays, I have Fit Tip Fridays which sets some healthy intentions for the weekend. Because I know Mondays and Fridays are important days to get the mindset right. Monday for the week that we're about to experience, the Friday because usually, the weekends are when people let themselves go. It's a weekend, which is a break from the week. You know? It's like my vacation from the week, and that's often where I find my clients would let their guard down, their intentions down, and awfully undo, unfortunately, a lot of what they did during the week. And then they start the week over again, feeling like they're right back at 0 again. And it's like, oh, no. Let's. I'm gonna help you with this.

Dai Manuel [00:25:09]:

And so those 2 short episodes on Monday and Friday are really to get the mindset in the right place And give you actionable tips and tricks and strategies to take in the weekend. So it's 3 episodes a week. And why? Because I want to the Fire, motivate, and educate people, and I am always gonna strive to do it in a fun way. And what better avenue than a podcast? So that's Really It.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:29]:

So you've put out a number of different episodes already, many of which have been the chapters of your book in talking about some of the things that you should be thinking about. Dog. And you've gotten to almost pretty much the end of the book in regards to those episodes. So what's next, and what is coming next the As you go down the path, you talked about the Monday Friday, but you're gonna have that midweek episode too. But what's the plan for the future?

Dai Manuel [00:25:56]:

Well, there are a few different aspects. I've recognized that this is really my own frustration. So out of my own necessity, I felt this idea is every time I have a guest on, we co-create an action sheet, a 1-page actionable sheet That summarizes the key things shared in the episode but also gives some actionable steps to start to implement the Some of the things talked about, and all those activities will always be less than 30 minutes a day. These resources will be accessible in the 2% Collective, which is the community of the 2% solution, and it's free for people to join. And, because, again, I want people to have access to the information so they can do something to see life get better. Because life only gets better when you start doing things. Okay? You can sit there and try to manifest the best life in the world, and that's great. You might have a very positive mindset, but unfortunately, just thinking about things doesn't necessarily make things Happen.

Dai Manuel [00:26:54]:

So we need to think about it. We need to reflect on it. We set some intentions, but now we go forward and do something. And so that's really the premise of the Podcast is to inspire people to do the right things for the right reasons to produce the right results. And in that, I feel I'd live in my purpose. Like, really, that's what it boils down to. I feel very fulfilled putting this kind of content out. And so in the future, I've already got over 100 people that have applied to be a guest.

Dai Manuel [00:27:18]:

So I've got plenty of amazing experts in so many different areas. I just recently had a conversation with somebody about some of the best strategies to release trauma In a healthy, constructive way, as well as how to use fitness. I just talked to somebody about the 3 best questions to ask if you wanna get very clear on what your values are. So there are all these sorts of types of people that are gonna be coming on to share this wisdom. And so, yeah, I'm just excited to be the conduit to get people the right Stop.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:44]:

So let's talk action then. Right now someone, you know, so a person's listening, they're hearing this, they're saying, okay. I'm gonna check out this podcast, but today, I'm listening, and I wanna do something. I wanna do something to just start moving in the right direction. What's one thing that they can start doing today that'll start to kind of turn the tide in helping them to find that whole life fitness for themselves.

Dai Manuel [00:28:10]:

Well, there are two things I ask people to do a lot of the time. 22 little things. 1 involves fuel. The second one involves activity, and the 2 are not mutually exclusive, by the way. Okay? They tend to feed each other quite literally. But the first one is to start your day with a green smoothie. Just every day, have a green smoothie. People are like, well, what kind of green smoothie? What do I put in it? Don't worry.

Dai Manuel [00:28:31]:

I've got a free book on that. I've got a recipe book with 10 of my favorite green smoothie recipes. It's free. People can have it. I'll provide you with the link, Chris. You can share it in the show notes. So everybody's listening, you can get a copy of this. So there we go.

Dai Manuel [00:28:44]:

Get rid of that excuse. Right? I don't have the time. Yes. You do. Because here's the thing. It's starting your day with this injection of nutrient dense Food. And it's in a liquid form, so it's easier to consume. You can do it on the fly because I hear so many people; oh, I don't do breakfast because I'm just too busy.

Dai Manuel [00:29:01]:

Just, like, I can't. Mornings are too chaotic. Gotta get the kids to the school. I gotta do this, that. Yo. You need a good meal to start your day. A green smoothie is the best that I found, it works great for my lifestyle. I've been doing this for over 15 years.

Dai Manuel [00:29:15]:

This is how I start my day every day, and it's awesome. And I tell people, do it for two weeks and tell me it doesn't make your difference. So that's the challenge. Throwing down the gauntlet right now. Okay? Do it for 2 weeks. Now, 2nd to that, if you wanna really get even more out of this 2-week commitment, I invite people to walk for 30 minutes every day Outside at a brisk pace. I mean, it's not just some sort of saunter. Right? Like, you're you're going with the intention of elevating the heart rate a bit, Doc.

Dai Manuel [00:29:42]:

So you feel like you're actually working. And so just 30 minutes, and I always say listen to a podcast like Chris', you know, or some the piece of information. So you're at least injecting something positive into your mind while you're doing your walking. I know it's technically 3 activities, but it's really just 2, but 2 are as one. So that would be it, and I invite people. Just do that for 2 weeks. And I know they're probably thinking, well, I mean, I don't have to work out at the gym. I don't have to, like, you know, measure my food.

Dai Manuel [00:30:06]:

Like, the Hell no. Okay. Like, it's about doing something that's realistically going to move the needle, but also, I want you to feel how simple it was to move that needle. I want people to experience a win that feels more effortless to attain. And this is believe me. After 2 weeks of doing this, you're gonna start to sleep better. You're gonna be managing your stress better. You're gonna be making better decisions around your food because you start your day with something healthy.

Dai Manuel [00:30:31]:

It gets the energy in a great place. When you're feeling great, you don't wanna stop feeling great. So you instinctively will start to choose different fuel sources just automatically because of how you're feeling. Also, because of the movement, you're gonna start to see physicality change. Your heart rate's gonna get better. You're gonna handle stress a little bit more effectively because you're actually releasing a bit of stress. You also start to boost your metabolism. So you start to have more metabolic health, meaning that you're using a lot more of those calories you put into your body as well for a healthy thing.

Dai Manuel [00:31:03]:

These are just some of the high-level stuff that you can expect within just as little as 2 weeks. And then after two weeks, oh, believe me. There are so many different things you can do, but that's a great place to start.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:12]:

Well, I appreciate that. I love that you threw down the gauntlet, and we'll definitely put a link in the notes today with your green smoothies and definitely, challenge Domino's. People to take you up on that challenge. Now if people wanna find out more about you, about your podcast, Where should they go?

Dai Manuel [00:31:30]:

On my website, Diamondwell.com or any social platform, Diamondwell. It's a nice thing about having a really Weird unique name. It's unencumbered everywhere. I'm the only one, but Dae is a Welsh name for David, dai. Manuel is Portuguese. It's m a n u e l. If you can spell it somewhat right, don't worry. You'll find me.

Dai Manuel [00:31:50]:

But as far as social, I'm most active on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram. Those are my three primary platforms. The primary ones that I tend to hang out on the most are my website, where I have lots of content and free resources. Over 1500 articles I've published over the last ten years. We're all geared toward helping people optimize their happiness, fulfillment, and joy in life. And so I always say, hey. Good luck, but it is a bit of a rabbit hole. So, when you go down the rabbit hole, be prepared. You're gonna get lots of great information, but you might find you're losing some time.

Dai Manuel [00:32:19]:

And I've had people message me like, oh my gosh. I was in there to read 1 article, and I ended up being on there for 2 hours. So, like, I always say thank you. And then, 2nd, thank you. Anyways but thanks for asking, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:30]:

Although, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today about you and your daughters, the challenges that have been happening at your own home, and how each of us can find fitness in our own lives in small, independent ways; I wish you all the best.

Dai Manuel [00:32:46]:

Chris, thank you, and it's an honor to be back. Thank you for having me back, but I can't wait To switch roles and have you as a guest on my podcast; I'm throwing down another gauntlet. Boom. So those that are listening, You make sure you follow up with Chris to make sure he's getting on my podcast too. Anyway, I can't wait to have you on to talk about being a father with daughters, but especially the organization that you've cofounded, Fathering Together, and some of the amazing things you're doing there because that is something that we all need to learn more about, and I can't wait to have you on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:18]:

If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the Dads With resource for any dad who wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. The And the Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step road maps, and more, You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out atfatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:04]:

Dad's with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:16]:

We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents. Bring your A-Game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Dads With Daughters is part of The Dads Podcast Network, powered by DadsSupportingDads.org

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In a heartwarming and candid episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, the seasoned comedian Chris Zito shares his experiences, triumphs, and struggles as a father. From navigating through his daughter's remarkable accomplishments to supporting her through a significant life transition, Zito's journey as a dad is touching and inspiring. Join us as we delve into the insightful conversation with Chris Zito, exploring his approach to being a supportive father, a dedicated advocate, and a successful entertainer.

Becoming a Father at 19

Chris Zito's journey into fatherhood began at the tender age of 19. He openly discusses the initial fear he felt about not being capable of loving his child and the challenges that came with being a young parent. Zito's honest reflections shed light on the anxieties and uncertainties that many young fathers may face, emphasizing the importance of addressing these fears and embracing the journey of fatherhood with openness and resilience.

Navigating Fear and Challenges

As Chris Zito's children grew and reached different life phases, he grappled with ongoing fear and challenges. He discusses his unique approach to living with and understanding fear, highlighting the significance of staying present and acknowledging past successes in overcoming fear. Zito's wisdom is a source of encouragement for fathers who may be confronting their own fears and uncertainties in the parenting journey.

Unique Relationships with Each Child

One of the most endearing aspects of Chris Zito's story is the distinctive relationships he has built with each of his children. From a daughter living in an RV to a son living far away with two daughters of his own, Zito's ability to connect with his children under various circumstances is both heartening and relatable. His lighthearted approach to sharing jokes and experiences of fatherhood with his children serves as a reminder of the importance of maintaining strong, supportive connections with kids, regardless of the physical distance.

Supporting a Transgender Child

A poignant and significant part of Chris Zito's narrative revolves around his daughter's transition. Zito grappled with his initial reactions and fears, ultimately emphasizing the importance of support and understanding for his daughter's journey. He provides a candid glimpse into navigating medical appointments and finding a delicate balance of support and time for his daughter. Zito's experience shines a light on the complexities of parenthood, especially when it entails providing unwavering support for a child going through a significant life transition.

Balancing Comedy with Family Life

As a seasoned comedian, Chris Zito challenges incorporating his family's experiences into his stand-up material. He acknowledges the delicate balance between honesty and humor, especially when it comes to integrating his daughter's transition into his comedy. Zito's honest portrayal of this balance resonates with many fathers navigating similar professional and personal juggling acts.

Chris Zito's journey as a father encompasses a multitude of emotions, challenges, and triumphs. His resilience, unwavering support for his children, and candid storytelling serve as a source of inspiration for fathers everywhere. Through his experiences, Zito underscores the significance of being an engaged and supportive father, especially during adversity and change. His heartfelt anecdotes and wisdom on navigating fatherhood create a heartwarming and insightful narrative for Dads with Daughters listeners to embrace and appreciate.

This podcast episode sheds light on Chris Zito's personal experiences and invites fathers to contemplate their journey in raising strong, independent daughters. With humor, compassion, and unwavering dedication, Zito epitomizes the essence of fatherhood - a journey filled with love, challenges, and immeasurable growth.

If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:

Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:

Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to actively participate in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, Independent Women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, we're on a journey together. This is an opportunity for us to talk and work with one another. And every week, I love being able to sit down with you and talk about the journey you're on To raise your daughters. And I've mentioned this many times, but as you get older, as your kids get older, there are going to be those phases, those ebbs and flows, the ups and downs, and I love talking to you about this. It's important that we talk about this because there's no one right way to father. There are many ways that you can father, and you can learn about the many people around you, but also, every week, I love being able to have different dads joining us and different people who are joining us that can help you along that journey, and you can learn from them as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:20]:

This week, we got another great guest. Chris Zito is with us, and Doc. Chris is a father of 4. He definitely has kids that are grown and flown. We're gonna talk about that. But definitely, we're going to have some opportunities to learn from his own experience and help you in the journey that you're on. Chris, thanks so much for being here today.

Chris Zito [00:01:37]:

My absolute pleasure, Chris. Thanks for inviting me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:39]:

It is my pleasure having you here today. I love to start by first being able to have the power to turn the clock back in time. And wouldn't we all like that at at points in time? But I would love to have you go back to that 1st moment. That first moment that you found out you were going to be a dad to a daughter, what was going through your head?

Chris Zito [00:02:02]:

Well, first of all, I was 18 when I got that news. I was 19 when she was born. You know, I always joke that Dog. I went to college for 1 year. I majored in psychedelic drugs and got my girlfriend pregnant. So it was not the ideal way to begin fatherhood. Dom. But the other thing I always say about her is that she was unexpected but never unwanted.

Chris Zito [00:02:22]:

Because even growing up, Dog. I knew I wanted to be a father. I wanted to have my own family. I just didn't expect it to start as early as it did. And, of course, I also had no idea exactly what I was in for. Doug. I used to make this joke in my stand-up act about how her parents were freaking out. My parents were freaking out.

Chris Zito [00:02:39]:

She and I weren't even freaking out as much Docs. Because we had no idea. You know, I said to my dad, we're in love. We don't need money. He said, oh, that's great because you won't have any. And, of course, he was right; the poverty got boring in a hurry, but so that was hard. I didn't know that it was gonna be a girl until she was born. This was before gender reveal parties, and even people found out through ultrasound what the gender was gonna be. But so, for me, it was a typical first-time father.

Chris Zito [00:03:07]:

Doc, I had no preference. I wanted a healthy child, and so that's what we got. And I should work as I often as I do in just about every conversation. That Baby grew up and today has a Ph.D. Doctor Kagoshawl, as I often refer to her. That's her married name. And so I like to throw because I gotta tell you, Chris. When something like that happens, I blame the parents.

Chris Zito [00:03:27]:

Like, to take a little credit if something goes

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:29]:

right. Right? You definitely wanna do that and take credit where credit where you can, but also help to raise up your daughter and shout from the rooftops, Docs. When things are going well, especially in this world of social media, sometimes that's good, and sometimes that's bad. It's not always a good thing, you know when people tend to see only the positive things that are happening in people's lives, but, you know, it is something that we deal with. Now I know that; as you kinda said, you didn't know what you didn't know. And every dad goes through that as you go into it. And a lot of dads that I talk to talk to me about being fearful, Especially when it comes to having a daughter. So what was your biggest fear in raising daughters?

Chris Zito [00:04:11]:

Well, I can tell you that while her mother was pregnant. And I had never been a father before. I had this fear that I wouldn't love this kid. I mean, that was something that just kinda came out of nowhere. I honestly thought, well, what if the baby is born and I'm just kinda, nah, whatever? Now, of course, that was not the case. It was much more like love at first sight. It was an immediate connection. It was, as I'm sure you've heard a lot of fathers say, that's up there with the best days of my life, especially her because that's when I became a father.

Chris Zito [00:04:38]:

But, of course, I Dog. I had this feeling of wanting to protect her and wanting to the early part of her life because I'm a guy in recovery. I'm a recovering alcoholic, And I got sober when she was about 7 or 8. So the 1st part of her life, I wasn't as thoughtful of a father as I would become later on in her life. So a lot of times early in her life, my big fear was that, do I have enough booze in the house because they don't sell anything on Sunday? But I also had a lot of fear of financial insecurity, the Constantly chasing rent, and, I mean, we probably moved every year the 1st 5, 6 years of her life because the rent would go up, And then we'd go out and get a lousier apartment until things started to get better. And when I talk now to young dads, I talk a lot about that fear because I was a young kid. I was derailed in my college career. I didn't have a career.

Chris Zito [00:05:28]:

I was barely employable. We didn't have any money. But one of the things that I learned as years went by, and I've met so many fathers over the years. And now that I talk to dads, I find that that man becomes a father for the 1st time later in life. Let's say a guy's pushing 40, and he gets the news that he's gonna be a father. He has a career, some money in the bank, and a dog. And when I talk to these guys, they express the same fear that I remember having, and that's what I tell young dads. Like, it doesn't matter your circumstances.

Chris Zito [00:05:59]:

No, this fear is gonna come up because you always feel like, is it enough? Is it am I giving my kids enough? Am I gonna have enough? Are they gonna be well-fed? They're gonna be well dressed? Are they gonna be well educated? Are they gonna be well prepared to have a successful life? I mean, Those are huge questions. That's a really big thing, and that's what makes the job so important. Those are big, big questions.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]:

They are big questions, and I think every dad struggles with them. You know, your kid goes off after high school to whether it's to college, whether it's to trade, whether it's to work, And you start to see them spreading their wings a bit, and there's a fear at different points in your kids' lives. The fear that you have when your child is first born, as they go to school for the 1st time, as they get into middle school, as they get into high school, as they go off into college, the Each of those phases, each of those times in their life, the fear is just a little bit different. And then as you're I'm I'm sure, and you can you can the Talk to this a lot more than I can right now. Once your child gets beyond high school and whether they've gone to college or not, then They go out on their own for the 1st time. There's more fear. And so I think that fear doesn't just end for a parent. It's always there.

Chris Zito [00:07:18]:

Well, that's why I mean, I feel like, you know, we're never gonna be able to eliminate those fears completely. So what I tried to learn how to do, and I learned a lot of this in recovery, is learning about what causes the fear, how to live with the fear, and how to diminish the fear. And the thing about fear is that everybody that you meet, when I talk to dads about their fears, I maybe don't know their specific fear, but I know where it lives because all fear lives in the future. Everything we've ever been afraid of, it's always something that hasn't happened yet. So one of the first things I point out to these dads is we're here together tonight. Every fear you've ever experienced, whether it came true or not, every disaster, every catastrophe, every emergency, every difficult situation you've ever faced, you made it through. You made it through all of those, and the evidence is that you're sitting. We're all here together tonight.

Chris Zito [00:08:04]:

So we've all made it this far, and that's something that's important to remember when a fear pops up In my day, so first of all, talk a little bit about mindfulness. I don't like to use that word because it kinda conjures up this sort of DATSON. It seems so complicated, but the way I put it is, I'd like to keep my head where my feet are. And so then I'm living in the now. So if I'm in the now, what's gonna happen next, dogs? It isn't as fearful. Doesn't create that fear. The fear comes when I'm thinking about what's gonna happen next so much.

Chris Zito [00:08:33]:

But if I'm the Keeping my head where my feet are, it's not gonna happen as much. I can stop, and I can pause, and I can remember all the evidence that's behind me that tells me I'm gonna be able the get through whatever's coming next. And that's immensely important to remember. It's so easy to forget when the fear comes up that, oh, yeah. I faced this fear before, and guess what? And you know what? Everything worked out. Maybe not the way I thought it would, but we're still here. So that's the good news.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:58]:

That is the good news. Now I mentioned at the beginning that you've 4 kids. Each one of your children is different from one another, and they come, as you talked to me before, from 2 different marriages. And so every father with multiple kids has to be able to develop those relationships in unique ways and maintain those relationships, the has to build them throughout their kids' lives and maintain them throughout their kids' lives. Talk to me about what you had to do as your kids were growing, but even now that they're adults, you have had to do to be able to build those unique relationships with each of your children.

Chris Zito [00:09:33]:

Well, they all live in such different situations, too, So it sorta comes naturally. Like doctor Coggeshall, who I mentioned, she and her husband sold their house, and they bought an RV. And they live in an RV. They both work, Doc. Remotely. They're both well-educated. They're both professionals, but they work remotely. And so they live in this RV.

Chris Zito [00:09:51]:

It's like them in an RV park, And they're the only ones under 70. You know? Almost the only ones under 70. And so whenever I talk to her, it's about that life that she's chosen, And she just sounds so happy doing it. It just blows my mind. I get off the phone with her. I guess she just sounds so happy. You can't ask for more than that. Now my son, who's about to turn 40, has two daughters.

Chris Zito [00:10:14]:

He's given me two granddaughters. Now that's the great news. The bad news is they live in Pensacola, Florida, and I live in Massachusetts, Dog. I get to see them that often. And he and I talk a lot about being a dad. He's the only one of my children that has children, and so I always joke with them. You know? I always tell them, you know what, Ben? You gotta remember. You come from a long line of dads.

Chris Zito [00:10:35]:

So make sure that you're, you know, I mean, the name of my podcast, and my talk is Doc. Like it's your job, and so we talk a lot about fatherhood. It was typical. I had that same experience when I became a father. My relationship, the way I saw my father, changed dramatically quickly once I became a father. So he and I talk a lot about His daughters and the younger one I hear from all the time. With today's technology, she sends me these videos on Facebook Messenger, and she'll reach out. And we FaceTime all the time.

Chris Zito [00:11:06]:

The other one just turned 14, and she has about as much time for me as she has for a dad. So now the ones that are home, my daughter Mackenzie is the 23. She's about to graduate from college. Her big concern is trying to find a job in her field and maybe move out. And so my wife and I tried to reassure her. We don't have a calendar where there's no clock ticking. You know what I mean? I think she feels like the day after she walks to get a degree, her bags are gonna be packed at the front door, so we try to reassure her because I don't know if you've looked at rents out there or you know. I mean, it's it's hard for kids to get out on their own. It's harder than ever.

Chris Zito [00:11:41]:

And then, the baby is a senior in high school, and she is openly trans. She came out to us about a little over two years ago, And she is just now starting her medical transition. So when you see her, she sort of presents as gender nonconforming, but Dog. She is, and she just signed with a modeling agency because she's 6 feet tall and 140 pounds, so she's built like a runway model and has long, Thick, wavy hair. And so she's been navigating a lot of that, and that's a lot of our conversations are just making sure that She gets to her medical appointments, that all of that stuff is covered, that she understands everything that's happened, that we all understand each other, that she continues to get that sort of support the Hey. We're with you. We don't use her dead name. We had pictures of her when she was little Vincent, and I've asked her multiple times, hey.

Chris Zito [00:12:35]:

You want me to get rid of these pictures? Dom. Because that's something that because we've, you know, studied up on this, and I don't know. She's very patient with us. She's very relaxed about that sort of stuff. I think that she's kind of like, no. That's, that's that was me. That was me. I'm okay with those pictures.

Chris Zito [00:12:51]:

So those are the kind of things that we deal with a lot with her. And then, of course, the usual high school Duff. How are your grades? When are you gonna be home? Who are you gonna be with? Trans or not, she's an 18-year-old girl, and so there's still a lot of those same concerns.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]:

So talk to me about that because you had 3 other children that conform to the gender that they were at birth. Dog. You have a 4th child that throws a little bit of a curveball, and you and your spouse have figured that out and have worked through that. But others who may be just starting this process may be trying to figure it out for themselves. What does that mean for our family? How do we best support our child? You know, what can we do to be there for them? What did you have to do to be able to get to the point where you're at now . I can see I mean, you are supporting your child. You're supporting who they are, who they're becoming. It may not have started there, But that's where you've ended in the end.

Chris Zito [00:13:48]:

You know, for us, my wife and I, we almost immediately started walking this tightrope of giving her as much support as we could muster but also taking our time, and that was our big concern. Well, we don't wanna rush into this. What we found out very quickly is that there is no rushing into this. Doc. If you have an adolescent that's transgender, there is no rushing in. There has to be a therapist in place. There has to be a pediatrician, a primary care physician, and a pediatrician. There has to be a neuro-psych evaluation.

Chris Zito [00:14:16]:

There have to be preliminary meetings with a pediatric endocrinologist. And if you've ever even tried to get an appointment with your primary care physician. You can imagine that all these appointments and developing a relationship with all these different people takes time, And so there was a lot of time where we sort of eased into this. The other thing that I found, this is the thing that I'm probably least proud of about all, is that one of the things that we always have to remember when something's happening to our child is that it's happening to them because I have a tendency the take on what's happening to my children like it's happening to me, and it isn't. And so when v came out as transgender, I remember thinking, jeez. You couldn't just come out as gay. I've been waiting since you were, like, 5 years old to tell me that you're gay because people barely raise an eyebrow. And it seems like transgender now is a hot-button issue.

Chris Zito [00:15:06]:

If you go back to 2000, marriage equality was a big issue in that presidential election. That was the big Culture war wedge issue. And right now, as we're sitting here, transgender youth is the big wedge issue, You. And there's so much misinformation and so much fear and so much confusion about it. So I was so afraid for her, and I still am. I'm always afraid that she's going to be bullied or harassed. We're very fortunate that we live in Massachusetts. I mean, you can't sell a health insurance policy in my state unless it covers gender-affirming care.

Chris Zito [00:15:44]:

That's how progressive the state is. And so we feel very safe. In that way, we feel that our government is not gonna be attacking us. We don't live in fear that our state legislature will pass the Laws that will make it illegal for Vida to get the care that she's already begun. And because we've also had the experience That almost textbook when you read about what the medical associations have found out about transgender kids is the This was a kid that was sullen, alone, depressed, self-harming, ended up doing inpatient treatment, suicidal ideation. Today, this is a kid that's relaxed, smiles easily, great sense of humor, excels in school, good friend. Everything you would want for your teenage kid, that's what's happening with this kid now. Self-assured and confident.

Chris Zito [00:16:32]:

She is a powerful example to me because part of what I experienced was I felt like I had to come out Because I was afraid to share this information with certain friends of mine because I knew that if they reacted a certain way, I'd lose them. I was afraid that I would share with a buddy of mine. Oh, well, when they asked about Vincent, oh, Vincent is now v. Vincent has come out as transgender, and and v is a a girl now. Dog. And if they reacted poorly to that or didn't support it, I knew that I would lose that person. Now I can happily say that Dog. So far, that hasn't happened, and I had to live with that fear.

Chris Zito [00:17:08]:

That was a new fear that I had to live with. And then I had, but I also had to remember, like, the I don't have to come out because it's her. She's the one that has to come out. She's the one that has to live with us. Watching her maneuver And live her life, and it's something to see. She does it. And, well, what can I say? She's my kid, so I'm a little biased, I guess, but she's a badass.

Chris Zito [00:17:31]:

I'll tell you that. She really is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:33]:

So talk to me a little bit about that maneuvering when you talk about having to come out yourself and be able to share your own truth and your child's truth to people around you, but you also are in a very public profession. You are a radio host. You are a dad. You are an individual who is doing stand-up comedy. You know, people know of you, know your person, your persona that they know on, the You know, the radio waves, and they get a certain perspective of who you are, and they box you in that way. You now become the advocate for your child in your own life, but at the same time, you've got a part of yourself that people don't know. So talk to me about that journey that you had to go on and kind of the reaction that you've received from your friends, the public, etcetera as people start to to learn more about your own life.

Chris Zito [00:18:34]:

Well, it's an interesting thing. My relationship with my listeners is a really interesting thing Because radio is such a personal medium. I mean, when I'm on the air in the morning, most of the people who are listening are sitting in the car by themselves, and it's just us. And it feels very personal. And, of course, I'm a typical morning radio host. I talk a lot about my wife, Elizabeth. When I do the up she's with me. People will be like, oh my god.

Chris Zito [00:18:58]:

You're Elizabeth. And they will ask her about certain incidents I've discussed on the air. Dar. She's kind of gotten used to that over the years that she knows that people are gonna think they know her, you know, because of the stories that I tell. And so they think they know me too. And when I'm on the air, it's a version of myself. It's very close to my real life when I'm on the air in the morning. My stand-up is a little different.

Chris Zito [00:19:19]:

You know? Comedians notoriously lie for comedic effect, whether it's an exaggeration or whether it's a complete fabrication. I mean, I have stuff in my life. That is, you know, everything I do is told in the 1st person when I do my stand-up, but some of it's a complete lie. It never happened. You know? I mean, that's the classic thing. You know? The comedian gets on stage. Hey. A funny thing happened to me on the way over here. Nothing happened on the way over here.

Chris Zito [00:19:45]:

Nothing. I drove here, and I got here, and everything is fine. But so that's why sometimes, with Vi, I don't talk about having a transgender child in my stand-up act Docs. It's just because I haven't figured that out yet. I haven't figured out how to be honest and funny about it at the same time. The closest thing I found is that quip about saying you couldn't just come out as gay. I think there's something there about how this is now the thing that's got people upset. Whereas you go back 25 years. For 30 years, it was the same thing with kids coming out as gay. And I don't know.

Chris Zito [00:20:18]:

I feel like so often in my act, I don't mention the All the kids, or I'd use sorta generic pronouns for v. But I also still have this stuff about living with a 16-year-old boy and what that's like. About how 16-year-old boys have nothing to say. You know, sleeping with a 16-year-old boy could be like an oak tree. Oh, what a sparkling conversationalist. And that stuff, sometimes I still use those jokes because It just is, and that's always been when I talk about my kids in my stand-up act, there's always a lag, you know, because I have these jokes about them that I know work, and people are paying to laugh. And so I do the stuff that I know they're gonna laugh at, and there's a lag because I just don't. I don't have a 3 or 5-minute chunk of funny stuff about My youngest being transgender. I just don't have it yet.

Chris Zito [00:21:02]:

And until I do, I won't be doing that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:05]:

In talking about standing up in that regard, I mean having to the humor in life around you. You know, there are definitely things in life where there is humor, and you can bring that real-life aspect. But the As you said, comedians can lie about that as well to bring in the dramatic or humor into the act itself. Talk to me about reality versus the lie, we'll say, in how your kids have been a part of your stand-up and how much they want to be a part of the stand-up.

Chris Zito [00:21:41]:

You know that it's funny that you asked that because they all have different reactions to that, depending on what I key in on. Yeah. Like, with my son, I talk about how he was destructive growing up. He still comes over to my house and breaks stuff. The kid owes me money. Ate me out of the house and home. So it's not exactly where his older sister, I talk about how she grew up and got a PhD. Dog.

Chris Zito [00:22:03]:

So he's like, really? You keep there's nothing about me, dad, that so but now, the Like with my 23-year-old, there was an incident that happened where the bit almost wrote itself, and it's a bit that absolutely crushes. It was probably 2 years ago now. Now, see, it's another late in my act; it's always a few months ago. She dragged us into the kitchen. You know? This is the idea of living with a kid this age that's almost done with college. You're not gonna ground her. She's technically an adult. She has her own money, and this actually happened.

Chris Zito [00:22:31]:

She pulled her mom and me into the kitchen. She opened the fridge. She goes, I wanna show you guys something. Do you see that yogurt? I put my initials on that yogurt because I bought it with my own money. And so my wife and I kinda looked at each other and smiled. My wife goes, well, honey, maybe Dad and I put our initials on all the other food in the refrigerator. How would that be? And then, of course, that's what happened. And so in the in the act, I say, I have a better idea.

Chris Zito [00:22:52]:

I'm gonna put my initials right on the fridge, Dodge. And then I had a real brainstorm. I'll just put my initials on the front door of the house. How do you like me now? And then she changed her tune and said, you guys can have some of my yogurt if you want. So, but that is based on an actual thing that happened, and you know? So it's really just a little bit of it. It just extrapolates it. You know? Play it out to the A little further than it went. And as embarrassing as you might think that is for her, she's been to my show a couple of times with girlfriends of Hers, and she's, like, nudging them.

Chris Zito [00:23:19]:

Like, this is it. This is the joke I was telling you about. That's, this is me. That's me. That really happened. So she's pretty excited about it. And for Vi, I tend to not do the stuff about the 17-year-old boy if if she's in the audience. I just leave that out, or I do something.

Chris Zito [00:23:32]:

I have other stuff that's about her that I just use, they or just I just avoid the pronouns. So although she's told me straight, she's very open. She's like she's she's like, you can talk To anybody you want about the fact that I'm trans. Anybody you want. She's very open about it. So that's what I mean. She's a power of example. She's probably more open about it than I am.

Chris Zito [00:23:52]:

Doug.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:52]:

So you are a busy guy. You are people know you, like I said, publicly, and they know your voice, But then they may know you in person in that regard too, or they feel like they know you, but you are busy, and you're wearing a lot of hats. You're doing a lot of things. You've got the podcast. You've got your radio show, you've got your standup. You know, you're you're doing a lot of different different things. You're hustling, and you're busy. So talk to me about as you had your kids, as they were getting older, how did you balance all of that and find that balance in your life To be able to be that engaged dad that you wanted to be. Well, for me, that's just a matter of where my priorities lie because that's one of the things that I Never talk about is work, life balance. It's not just because that's there are a gazillion speakers out there talking about work-life balance. I don't believe in work-life balance. I talk about the Life work balance. I flip it around. In fact, when I first had this thought, when I was developing this talk and the idea for the podcast, I thought about life-work balance. So I just Googled life-work balance, and you know what came up? One million pages about work-life balance.

Chris Zito [00:24:59]:

So when you look at the phrase work, like balance, it literally puts work first, and so that's why I think it's important to flip it around. And I know that it's made a difference in my career because of the priorities that I've set. Over the years, my oldest daughter growing up, we'd be watching TV. I'd see a comedian on TV that's Doc. His own special or, you know, here you know, it's, is there he is on TV on a sitcom? And I would say, hey. I know that guy. That guy featured for me when I used to travel when you were really little before I got into radio, and I was traveling, headlining comedy clubs, this guy middled for me. And she would say to me one time, she finally told me, Dad, how come you know all these guys on TV, but you're not on TV?

Chris Zito [00:25:35]:

I laughed, and I said, because of you. Okay? It's because of you. And it's because I chose to the Get into this radio career so that I could still make people laugh and sleep in my own bed every night so that I could be around for my kids. You know, when my grown kids were growing up, I mean, I coached little league. I coached basketball, sort of. I didn't really coach basketball. I was just there kind of as the Wrangling children because I don't really know basketball, but I was active in my church. I taught Sunday school.

Chris Zito [00:26:07]:

I was, like, the acolyte director at this 1 church For a while, you know, so I was, involved with my kids, and the kids that I have now, I mean, well, my daughter, neither one of them are athletes, but my 23 year old daughter played the Topball in high school. I showed up at those games, and that I'm I'm very fortunate because of the radio job. It's morning radio, so I'm done by early afternoon. And listen. There's been there's plenty of days where I'm really dragging ass by dinner time because I get up at a ridiculous hour to do my regular job. But the other thing that is so important to remember, I think, is that this idea of showing up for your kids is a relatively short time if you look at your whole life. And my thing is that those crowd clickers that you get that you see the like, when you're young and going to nightclubs, you'd see the doorman use it to count heads. And to me, it's sorta like when you have a baby, the universe gives you one of those, but it has a big number on it, or it seems like a big number.

Chris Zito [00:27:03]:

And every time you show up for your kid, you click the And the number goes down. And, well, guess what? Eventually, the number gets to 0, and they're gone. There's no more showing up to do. You're hoping they'll let you show up, You know, because they have their own life and they're busy and, you know, you hope you have a decent relationship with them and you have their love and respect, they still want you to be a part of their life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:21]:

Doug. So true. And it does go by very fast. And, hopefully, by the time your kids leave the house, you have created an atmosphere and a relationship with them that will be maintained and continued as they get older, as you get older, because that's important. That doesn't mean that you can't change the relationship so that if it's not where you want it to be when they first go off to graduate school or so on and so forth, but that it can change, and you can change it, and you can put more effort in To be able to rebuild that relationship. So I always put that out there as well. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where we ask the Five more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Chris Zito [00:28:07]:

I'm ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:08]:

In one word, what is fatherhood?

Chris Zito [00:28:10]:

Commitment.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:11]:

Now when was a time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?

Chris Zito [00:28:17]:

Oh, maybe when I watched the oldest one walk for that PhD. Although, I mean, I joke that I blame the parents with her, but, honestly, she is a self-made woman. I wasn't there footing the bill. Doug. She worked all the way through undergrad and graduate school, worked the entire time. And, I mean, She worked her tail off, so I don't know. Maybe the best contribution I gave her was the work ethic. You know? Understanding that, you know, you could just keep your eyes on that goal.

Chris Zito [00:28:44]:

I'll tell you something else. There was another time when the 23-year-old was not the guy that she was with now but a guy that she was with previously. When she broke up with this guy and why she broke up with him, I felt like, wow. She is standing up for her own values and refusing Doc. To be treated a certain way, she has strong boundaries around what she'll accept and what she won't, and I took some credit for that. She gets a lot of that from her mom. Dog. Mom is somebody with strong boundaries, so that was good stuff.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:14]:

Now, if I were to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

Chris Zito [00:29:18]:

Present, I hope. Funny. They would definitely describe me as funny because I get more laughs from my kids than most dads do. I think to present the Patient. I think the ones that are living in the house now might say, patient. My older ones, maybe not as much. I was younger, and I didn't have any money. I was Scared about the landlord back then, which put me gave me a shorter fuse than I have now.

Chris Zito [00:29:41]:

But so, hopefully, the ones that are coming of age now would stay patient.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:44]:

Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Chris Zito [00:29:46]:

Well, Doc. You touched on a tough one there for me because it's my own father who's gone. So I think that it's a special thing for me because I am in recovery, Dog. And I was a guy that when I was still a drunk, an active drunk, I had complete indifference towards this guy. And then, eventually, Doc. Through my recovery, he became the best guy I knew, and it wasn't because of a big transformation that he went through. Let's put it that way. So we got to be very close later in his life, and he lived to be almost 96.

Chris Zito [00:30:19]:

And boy, oh, boy. That was the December of 2019, he passed. So I don't know if your parents are still around, but mine are gone, and it's I don't expect to ever get over it. I just have learned to live with it. But when I still talk to him sometimes, and I I try to think of what he would do or what he would say.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:38]:

You know, I think just like you said earlier, when it comes to the fleeting time with your kids, as you get older, you have to remember that time with your own parents is fleeting, and we don't know how long we have. And I think that that is important to understand as well because I think that for anyone that has living parents, if your relationship is not strong and they're getting older, Revisit it and try to see if there's any way to salvage it. You know, sometimes that's not a possibility, but Sometimes there is. Being able to have that parent in your life As you can and as you will is important and will continue to be important as you get older.

Chris Zito [00:31:25]:

100%. I couldn't agree more. And I I've known men that have not been able to get to that place before their own father passed, and it's a tough one.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:34]:

And you've talked a lot about A lot of different things that you've learned along the way. As we finish up today, what's one piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad?

Chris Zito [00:31:42]:

Well, you know, Docs. Still, for my own talk, one of the last things I say is to remind guys to dad like it's your job because it is your job. When you go off to work, that's your side hustle. I mean, it's so important to provide for your family and be a part of your family. You know, this idea of the dad that's, You know, that old cliche that it's probably 75 years ago of the dad that comes home from work, sits down, he's reading the paper, or he's the watching sports, and he doesn't really even know his kids or where you know, which one's which or where they go to school or what. That's not what it was like when I was growing up in my house. Even though my father was of that generation, he's a World War 2 veteran, but he was a very devoted dad, a very loving father. I think maybe because my mom Dom was sort of sickly.

Chris Zito [00:32:29]:

He had to step in and do a lot more parenting than other men of his generation. So that's what I would say be engaged with your kids because It's so great. It's so great to get to know them, and there's nothing like it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:42]:

I love it. You mentioned your own podcast. And you mentioned the fact that you're a radio host as well. People wanna find out more about you and what you're doing. Where should they go?

Chris Zito [00:32:52]:

Go to ChrisZitoSpeaks.com. That's where they can find out everything about me as far as my speaking career. There are little excerpts from the talk. There's a video on there. There are some testimonials. Meals. There's a way to reach out to me if you wanna book me to give a talk. Chriszitospeaks.com.

Chris Zito [00:33:07]:

If you wanna hear the radio show, I mean, if you wanna hear me cracking wise talking between songs Dogs the kids are dancing too, then you could just go to the go to the Iheartradio app and just search my name, and my show will come up, and you can listen at any time. You can listen to Dog. Anywhere in the world, Chris. That address, again, the world.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:24]:

Oh, and you do have the podcast as well, and people can find that.

Chris Zito [00:33:27]:

Yeah. The pod is called Dad Like Your Job. It's available on the iheartradio app or wherever you get your podcast. Dad Like It's Your Job publishes every Thursday. As we're recording this, the latest issue The latest episode features you. So there you go. So check that out.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:43]:

Well, Chris, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here for everything that you're doing to support your own kids, to be a great example for other dads, and to challenge and help other dads Along their journey, and I wish you all the best.

Chris Zito [00:33:57]:

Same here, Chris. I really appreciate the invitation. It's great to talk to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:01]:

If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together .org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:47]:

Dad's with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be.

We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. we buy the presents. Bring your A-game because those kids are growing fast, the time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and Firemen, carpenters, and musclemen get out and be in the world. Choose and Be the best dad you can be.

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