D&D is For Nerds

Little dragon man always so confused. He like sapling bending away from sunlight. A sapling with mouth like howler monkey. And no ears. Think he knows everything but he doesn’t know anything. He need to listen. Listen like Smilk. Smilk understand. Smilk gets it.

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Int. Gregory Bone’s Orphanage. Night

Written by Pep Mandarin

Pep: please don’t go o brother of mine

Pip: beloved sister, if it was up to me I would stay with you for eternity and a day, but that mean man Hardcastle has tricked me and I now serve him and his stupid cause

Pep: please take me with you!

Pip: no, I could not in good conscience put you in danger. I love you too much for a life of hardship

Pep cries and hugs her brother’s leg tightly, refusing to let go

Pip: now now little one, you don’t have to be sad, I shan’t be gone long! Why don’t you write me while I am away? We can both practice our penmanship and be the bestest of friends

Pep: R-really?

Pip: of course little one, what have I always said?

Pep: family is Important?

Pip: and?

Pep: we always stay together?

Pip: see you later Pep. may the weather for your tea party be a pleasant 24 degrees (Celsius)

Pep: not too hot, not too cold

Pip & Pep together: just right

Pip and Pep hug. Pop is jealous.

The End

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Here’s a horse, go track that very fast moving carriage. Why yes, it is indeed strange that all the creepy crawlies of Barovia know not to attack them. Why, isn’t it strange that those same creepy crawlies don’t owe me the same courtesy? Who do they think I am? Assassin Vine? It's just not cricket. Should have said to take me with them, drop me off outside the gates. Don’t worry! I won’t sneak into your spooky and terrifying probably full of ghosts castle, quite the opposite in fact. Just pinky promise me you won’t make a meal out of my meal ticket out of here and I’ll promise not to pay someone to drive a stake through your heart.

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Loud ones make good herald. Voices carry. Strong. Like oak. Didn’t think little dragon man would do that. Only small problem. If need to, should be easy kill.

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Once again I find myself wanting to help and I am yet again without the tools to do so. Moments ago I was prepared to kill these poor souls and now I'm racking my brain trying to think of ways to aid them. Why can't I let this go? Why must you take in every stray you come across? You have a mission. Kill Strahd. Or stop him. A monumentous and impossible task. But let's say it's achievable, will that solve anything? Or will that leave the people of Barovia unknowingly vulnerable? Is he really the unsung protector of these lands? If he is, he's not doing a very good job. Honestly, he spends more time sending out his generals to attack his own populace than providing any sort of protection. Or at least that's what I assume he's been doing. Speaking of generals, I wonder how Pip is going? The man led a small militia, a rag tag group of - I should be paying attention to what's going on, everything has calmed down but the wind is beginning to unnaturally pick up.

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I do not know why he keeps yelling at me when I bring him back from the brink of dead. It’s not that he is ungrateful, or perhaps he is? I do not think he has a death wish. If that were the case, surely he’d have taken any of the many opportunities that has arisen before now. He seems more displeased at the choice of song, but it is just a spell!

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This one has yet to hear from that one or the other one. Why they so rude? Don't they know this one need to know if they go on perilous journey? If metaphor happen and they don't tell, how will audience understand and know greatest journey has deep meaning? This would be great tragedy. 

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On the Hunt Must be quick. Druid power grow stronger. Must fight. Must destroy. Must kill.

Editor's note: around the 40 minute mark we switched microphones for a session, turns out that wasn't a: great choice. Apologies for the next few eps xx o

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Well Hecktor has gone and left us to fend for ourselves, great, just perfect. Plus everyone hates me, which I suppose isn't that unusual. What was it the monks at the monastery used to say? "Not only are you at your chores young Mandarin, you are also unlikeable in some undefinable way unrelated to the things you say or do." Oh and now we're fighting spiders. Capital.

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I wish it didn't end this way, but just as day gives way to night, the sun has set on this man's life. As your warming rays begin to fade, we look back and find solace in a life well spent. May their memory, like the sun's enduring embrace, continue to bless us from the heavens. We pray that your radiant light leads them to their eternal sunset. And just as night returns to day, we welcome the oncoming dawn as your light chases away the shadow.

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