Dead Jester Productions Podcast

As they set the last prisoner free, the heroes turned and saw the Jester had returned with the blinded guard. He had cauterized the wounds, and put a bandage over his eyes. While mortified by this turn of events, the heroes had no time to dwell on it. They made their way up out of the dungeon, and were able to find a chest with not only their equipment but the items left behind by other prisoners. They picked everything up and continued into the great hall.

Still sitting at his place at the table, the lord grimaced at the heroes' arrival. About a dozen guards surrounded him, swords drawn and ready for combat. The Jester made a gesture with his hand, a dark green glow barely emanating from his fingertips. The stone floor shuddered, cracked, and gave way as a wall of mangled limbs rose out. Arms and legs swung wildly about as cries rang out from the monstrous wall that had emerged. The guards were taken aback by this, and stumbled backward. This only made matters worse, as they fell right into the grasps of the twisted wall behind them. They were pulled into what seemed like no space at all, and disappeared as they screamed in terror.

The remaining few guards quickly dropped their weapons and surrendered. A few of the prisoners made their way to them and restrained them. One prisoner approached the heroes. He thanked them for freeing him, and asked them a few questions about who they were. They explained their story to him, and talked about Dying Light 2, Halo Infinite, and how military tactics transition into gaming.

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ANIME SPOILERS - *DEMON SLAYER 5 Min. - 9 min. 35 sec.* *ATTACK ON TITAN 9 min. 35 sec. - 14 min*

As the heroes continue talking to the woman in the adjacent cell, the guard returned and slammed a club against the cell bars to remind the prisoners to be quiet. The Jester didn't take kindly to this, and spit at the gruff looking jailer. He recoiled as it dripped down his face, and he called for backup. Three additional guards came down the stairs, each looking angrier than the last. They stood outside of the heroes cell as the jailer explained what had happened. He pulled out his massive ring of keys and prepared to open the cell. He would teach that grinning Jester a lesson.

As he found the correct key and prepared to open the cell, the prisoner from across the hall grabbed one of the other guards in a chokehold. He pulled the guard up against his cell, and dug his fingers into his eyes. The other two guards and the jailer turned around in surprise, which created an opening for the heroes.

As the jailer was looking the other way, the warrior hero charged through the cell door. It sent the jailer flying across the hall, knocking down another guard in the process. The remaining guard was in the process of prying the prisoner off of the blinded guard, but was quickly dispatched of by a quick kick to the neck from the swordsman hero. His neck snapped, killing him instantly. The Jester was distracted by the blinded guard. He made faces at him, apparently amused that he couldn't see him. The warrior hero smashed in the face of the guard the jailer had knocked down, and then proceeded to restrain the jailer.

As they prepared to ask the jailer where their belonging were, the heroes had to stop and convince the Jester to either kill the blinded guard or let him be. The Jester ignored them, and wandered off the hallway with the blinded guard in tow. The jailer was terrified, and quickly instructed the heroes that their belongings were at the top of the stairs in a chest. They thanked him by locking him in their cell, and then proceeded to set free the other prisoners. As they did, they talked about Dying Light 2, Pokémon Legends: Arceus, and spoiled some of their favorite anime.

Still trapped in their cell, the heroes sit in silence as their cell block friend is shushed by the guard. He shrinks away, but then another voice is heard. A small voice comes through the wall of the heroes' cell. In the next cell, a young woman speaks to them. They hear her out, and talk about the creepiest cartoon conspiracies, TV shows and movies that were ruined, and their favorite current books.

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While talking to the grumpy old lord, the heroes notice knights filing in one at a time. Every minute or so, another would enter and take a seat at a table nearby. Over the duration of their conversation, about two dozen knights had entered the great hall, yet none made a sound. The Jester looked around at them with squinted eyes, unsure of what was happening.

After finishing their tale, the lord chuckled quietly to himself. His eyes still barely open, he spoke in his raspy voice. Suddenly, the knights surrounding the heroes stood up and drew their weapons. The heroes glanced around quickly, but knew they were in no position to fight back. They sat solemnly in their seats, and waited to see what happened.

A gruff looking knight walked up behind the lord, leaned in, and whispered something into his ear. The lord nodded, and the knight straightened back up. He looked at the heroes, smirked, and then looked around the room at his knights. He motioned at the heroes, and the knights moved in. They quickly grabbed the heroes, and restrained them. Their weapons and equipment were taken, and they were dragged off into a dark hallway.

Eventually, they were thrown into a dark cell. It reeked of old bodily fluids, and the walls were sticky to the touch. Dried blood smeared a corner of the cell, and looked as if it had been there for some time. A small leak dripped down into the center, with the water running off to one side of the uneven surface. There were no beds, and no amenities whatsoever.

Across the hall from the heroes, a figure stirred. It was a younger man, and he pressed up against the bars of his cell. He seemed happy to finally have some company. The heroes sat down to await their fate, and decided to talk. They discussed the man's past, his life in the military, NFT's, and whether or not the US lost the space race.

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Once the snowstorm had cleared, our heroes packed up their campsite and continued up the road. With the local lord's keep just down the road, the heroes arrived quickly. The guards at the gate took one look at the beholder trophies the heroes brought, and let them pass.

Once inside, the heroes went directly to the great hall to speak with the lord. The keep was dusty, and in need of repairs. Torches lined the hallways, and provided dim lighting throughout. A cold air hung throughout the place, sending chills down the heroes' spines. Cobwebs hung in the corners, with apparently no cleaning being done in any aspect.

The great hall - if it could be called that - was not in much better condition. Broken chairs were piled up in a corner, with many of the benches cracked and heavily weathered. Two small ceiling fixtures provided the only light, causing the room to be filled with shadows. At the end of one of the long tables sat a portly man.

His scraggly white beard showed the signs of his advanced age, and his eyes barely opened. The clothing he wore could hardly be considered impressive, as it looked as dirty as the keep around him. His robes looked brown, but were most likely red underneath. His leather boots were peeling away, as they had clearly not been properly maintained. He looked at the heroes as they entered, and called them over. His raspy voice cracking, they could hardly hear him from across the room.

The heroes sat down, unsure of what to make of the man sitting before them. He gathered his voice, and asked them about their journey. They told him about the woman and the beholder, as well as the chaos that ensued. They also talked about their favorite co-op games, interesting conspiracy theories, and the oddities of ASMR.

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Our heroes follow the road leading to the Lord's keep. They are happy to be out of the cold mountain top, and the dark cavern that lay below. As they reveled in the nicer weather, some clouds slowly passed overhead. At first they thought nothing of it. Then a few more passed by, and then another few. Eventually, the sun was completely covered by clouds, and snow began to fall.

The heroes quickly got off the road and set up camp. As they put their campsite together, the large, heavy snowflakes fell upon them. Within minutes, they were already coated in the cold precipitation. Quickly enough their tents were assembled, and they took shelter. While warming up next to the fire they talked.

They discussed the new World at War custom zombies maps they had played, the new update to Ready or Not, and one of the heroes' newfound interest in collecting baseball cards.

The heroes wake up in their rooms, but realize it hasn't been long enough to visit the healer. They instead decide they should ask around for the local leader in order to get a reward for slaying the ancient beholder. After asking a few people, they find that they should visit the next town over and speak to the lord that lived there.

They stop by the healer to let her know of their intentions, and she assures them that she will keep an eye on the woman until they return. Knowing this, they set off. 

The lord's keep was only a short distance away, but they resupplied in the village before leaving. Satisfied with their equipment, they left the village. As they walked out of town, they discussed their new experiences with PC gaming, the game The Forest, and new info regarding Dying Light 2.

The heroes cleaned up their campsite, and salvaged whatever remains they could from the dead beholder. They made their way down the mountainside, which was now littered with crumbled rocks and debris. A sinkhole had formed where the cavern inside the mountain had collapsed, dragging in the surrounding environment.

They made their way down to get the woman to medical help as quickly as they could, while being careful not to stress her wounds. Finally, they arrive at the bottom of the mountain, and rush to the nearby town. They stop and ask a man in the center of town for a healer, and he directed them to a woman on the edge of town.

They head to her hut, and duck inside. She is an old woman, wrinkled to the point that she looks like a prune. She notices the heroes, and then the injured woman. She ushers them to a room, where they lay her down onto a table. The healer informs them that it will take some time, and so they return to the town inn to rest.

While relaxing in their room with some food, the heroes talk about their New Year's, one heroes new gaming PC, and the Amazon Prime TV show The Wheel of Time.

Landing on the ground outside of the cave entrance, the heroes took a minute to catch their breath. The rumblings of the cavern collapsing beneath them continued, but they paid it no mind. They came back to their senses, and did a check to make sure everyone had escaped. Their allies took the opportunity to make a campfire using the remains of what the heroes had left behind before venturing into the cave.

The warrior hero laid the injured woman down, her bloodied rags soaked through. The other heroes assisted in cleaning her wounds and replacing her bandages. She would need treatment from a healer, but would likely make it. The warrior hero lay her up against a flat rock to rest, then returned to help with the campsite. The ground still shook, and the mountain seemed to roar as its hidden cavern collapsed in on itself.

As the warrior hero rejoined the group, the ground nearby erupted into a plume of dust. Dirt and rocks flew into the sky, raining down upon the party. A loud roar bellowed from the bursting ground, followed quickly by the emergence of the extremely bloodied and damaged beholder. Only one of its tentacles remained, but it had clawed its way to the surface in search of its prey. Its few undamaged eyes locked onto the members of the party, writhing its body to face them.

The warrior hero grabbed his mace and walked forward. The beholder swung its tentacle at him, but he batted it aside. He swung his mace again, and crushed the slimy appendage. Blood dripping from his weapon, he approached the body of the now immobile beholder. Lifting his  weapon high above his head, he slammed it down into the largest of the creature's eyes. It let out a loud scream of agony, and the hero struck again. He slammed his mace down again and again, bashing in the monster's bulbous body. Eventually, the beholder stopped screaming in pain, and lay dead at the hero's feet.

He turned and walked back to his companions, sitting down next to the campfire to rest. His friend's faces covered in appreciation of his handiwork, he knew he deserved his rest. The other heroes set fire to the creature, but not before scavenging it for its parts. An ancient monster's body parts would not only fetch a high price at market, but would net them a great reward from the closest kingdom.

They returned and relaxed near the campfire. They ate some food and talked for a bit, before their allies said their goodbyes and left. The heroes remained, and talked for a bit. They discussed Christmas, the nightmare of NFT's going into video games, and some drunk stories.

Scrambling away from the horde of orcs while narrowly avoiding the wriggling tentacles of the beholder, the heroes made their way to their allies at the edge of the cavern. Their spear-wielding friend clearing out orcs from one side, they fought through the horde from the other. With arrows raining down on their enemies from their ally with a bow, they were making good progress.

Weaving through the bodies, they eventually reached their ally, and broke free from the surrounding horde. As they did, a tentacle reached down and snagged an orc from beside the warrior hero. Shifting to keep the unconscious woman safe, he jumped away as the beholder slammed the body of the orc down where he had just been standing. Blood and bone splattered up into the air, coating both him and the woman in a red mist. The beholder left the remains where they lay, and swung its tentacle at the warrior hero. He leapt away again, making his way through the opening in the horde.

Grabbing the warrior hero's arm to help pull him through, the swordsman hero turned back to the orcs. He swung his swords, slicing through orc after orc. His blades and armor coated in blood, he continued until the Jester approached. He cleaved another orc in two, providing a slim passage for his bizarre companion.

The Jester, continuing to raise the dead orcs that had been slain by his allies, retreated behind his bow wielding friend and prepared another spell. He mustered up his mana and cast his magic. The ground shuddered, and from it a wall of corpses rose up. The advancing orcs were stunned, unable to realize that they had been cut off from their prey. The wall continued around the central platform, eventually encircling it all. The orcs had been trapped, and with them remained the raised dead.

The orcs quickly realized this, as the fresh corpses of their allies began to tear them apart. The orcs understood they could not escape, so they began to line up with their backs against the wall. Unfortunately for them, the raised dead were not the only threat. The limbs of the wall began to writhe and come alive. Arms lashed out, grabbing and clawing at the orcs. in an effort to get free, the orcs jumped away from the wall. By doing so they fell right into the hands of the undead, and were quickly torn apart.

In what seemed like no time at all, the horde was consumed. Horrifically torn apart by the bodies of their own kin. The heroes would have felt relieved, if not for the ancient horror hovering near the cavern ceiling above. The beholder watched on, almost curiously at the terror that unfolded below it. Its eyes darted back and forth at the chaos that had occurred, seemingly no longer interested in attacking the orcs. It instead turned its attention to the heroes, who had regrouped near the edge of the cavern. The beholder quickly began its assault on them, hovering across the cavern ceiling at a surprising pace.

The heroes ducked into a tunnel, quickly making their way out of the main cavern. Behind them, the tunnel collapsed and then expanded as the beholder burrowed through with its powerful tentacles. Rock and dust fell all around them, and they knew they had little time to act. The Jester fired off fireball spells back at the horror that as chasing them, searing its slimy flesh. It was not deterred.

Eventually, the corridor opened up a bit, and the Jester turned around to wait. He conjured up another spell, this time causing dark black energy to gather around his hand. The beholder rounded the corner, and the Jester cast his spell. From his hand flew a small black orb. It hovered in the path of the beholder, and then suddenly compressed into itself. A gravity well formed in its place, sucking in the wriggling tentacles of the monster. The beast pulled back, but as it did, the swordsman hero used a spell of his own.

He teleported directly in front of the creature, slashing at its appendages. The limbs flew off, sucked up into the dark sphere of gravity. The beholder let loose a scream, its eyes all focusing on the swordsman hero. It swung one of its tentacles at him, but he dodged to the side. AS he did, a new wall of limbs sprung up in his place, pinning another of the  beholders tentacles to the ceiling. The hero quickly slashed off the pinned limb, and retreated.

Blood oozing from the beast, it swung its remaining two tentacles around wildly. The cavern, unable to withstand the destruction, began collapsing all around. The heroes felt that monster would likely bleed out from its injuries, and so they retreated. They made their way through the tunnels, with the ceiling crashing down behind them as they ran. As they felt the collapse would catch up to them, they saw a glimmer of light. They leapt forward, springing out of the entrance of the cave.

Escaping what seemed like certain death, their conversations flashed across their minds. They had talked about the new Halo Infinite Campaign, reviewed their 100th episode, and prepped for Christmas.