Dead Jester Productions Podcast

Surrounded on all sides, the heroes know they need to act quickly. Scooping the unconscious woman up onto his shoulder, the warrior hero prepared to make a break for it through the crowd of orcs. They watch him, waiting for him to make his move. Blood dripping from her wounds, the woman remained motionless in the grasp of the strong hero.

To their side, the swordsman hero slowly drew his two blades. Preparing to clear a path for his allies, he studied the crowd and created a path in his mind. He would have to work quickly to take out the orcs blocking their way, while making sure to keep the others safe. He readied himself, aware that the beholder above would attack the instant they moved.

The Jester, standing a bit off to the side, grinned as always. He flipped his mandolin upside down, as though he would swing it like an axe. The body of his instrument appeared to have been crafted from the body of a small beholder itself, reflecting the twisted nature of its owner. He held it in his left hand, and with his right began to cast a spell.

As one, the heroes made their moves. The swordsman hero lunged forward and swung his blade through the first orc he could reach, fire coursing through his magical blade. With his second swing, his electrically enchanted sword slashed through a line of orcs before they could react.

The Jester waved his hand, covered in a green shimmer. He cast his spell, raising the defeated orcs from their demise. Their eyes glowing green, the quickly stood and turned to their former comrades. Unsure of what was happening, the orcs did not attack. When they realized what had happened, it was too late. The turned creatures attacked the living, tearing them apart piece by piece.

The warrior hero, with the woman over his shoulder, charged in behind the swordsman hero. He carried his mace in one hand, swinging it at any enemies that dared approach. He would fight as hard as he could, but worried about whether he could protect the woman on his shoulder.

Overhead, the massive beholder watched on, eyes twitching from one individual to another. Its tentacles slithering across the ceiling, the orcs payed it nearly no mind as it watched them silently from above. The heroes however, were well aware of what was to come. As silently as it stuck to the ceiling, its tentacles darted down and grabbed at the orcs. Some were crushed instantly, others were snagged and lifted back up into the monster's waiting maw. It snapped its snake-like appendages around the battlefield, picking off the unsuspecting denizens below.

The heroes avoided the tentacles, while fighting their way through the crowd. Claws scraping at his arms and face, the swordsman hero motioned for the Jester to make his move. As he did, the Jester reacted immediately and threw a blue ball of energy to the opposite side of the cavern. It stuck to the wall, serving as simply a sphere of light to help locate the exit.

As the warrior hero fought on, an orc swung its claw at his face, cutting open his forehead. Blood oozed down into his  left eye, making it hard for him to see. He fought on, unaware that an orc had flanked around him and was preparing an attack. As it lunged, he never noticed as an arrow struck it in the neck, killing it instantly.

As he finished killing an orc in front of him, he turned and noticed the freshly killed corpse with an arrow in its neck. he looked into the direction it had seemed to come from, and saw two figures standing near their blue orb of light. Not only had the orb served as a means of finding their way out, but as a way for their allies to find them. That being said, the raucous and explosive combat would likely have helped them along the way.

Standing at the edge of the cavern was their old friend Kloss. he rushed in with his spear, preparing to clear out the path for the heroes from the outside. With him was Marlon Hue, who fired arrows from an elevated stone at the edge of the cavern. The arrows rained down upon the orcs, taking them out without them ever knowing what had happened.

With the arrival of their allies, the heroes felt that the tide of the battle was finally turning in their favor. Before they could celebrate, they continued fighting through the hoard to safety. As they did, they noticed the creeping tentacles of the beholder drawing ever closer. They would have to kill it before leaving, or it would bring the tunnels down onto them.

Thank you so much to Kloss and Marlon Hue for coming back on the show for such a great episode! Please go check out their stuff using the links below:

Kloss:

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As the heroes made their way through the winding tunnels, they eventually emerged into a massive, open cavern. In the center was flat stony platform, with a circle of stone pillars creating a focal point in the area. A large rocky hand jutted forth from one side, standing as a monument to the beings from times long forgotten. Variously sized illuminated crystals dotted the ceiling, creating a dim artificial light.

Our heroes, realizing this was their destination, made their way to the platform. They clambered their way up onto it, and surveyed their surroundings. They were a few meters away from the giant stone hand, with a few larger stones jutting out nearby. The stone pillar circle was about 40 meters in diameter, and provided a perfect view of the cavern surrounding it. The rugged platform was uneven, and made the heroes aware that they should watch their step lest they twist an ankle. In the center was a small stone pedestal, standing about a meter high. On it lay a small woman, dressed in light armor. Two small daggers lay at her sides, with a small bow laying cracked on the ground nearby.

The heroes approached her, unsure if she was even alive. As they did, they noticed her bloody and bruised frame. She had lacerations all over her arms, and her face had been badly bruised. Her left leg appeared broken and unusable, meaning they would need to carry her out even if she regained consciousness. Her light leather armor was scratched and torn, rendered nearly useless. The only surviving piece of her equipment was her quiver, which seemed to simply be scratched up.

They looked her over, and realized she was still breathing. Quickly, they cleaned her wounds and banged her up. The warrior hero set her leg and added a splint, while the swordsman hero applied an ointment that would her her heal quicker. They gathered up her knives and bow, carefully placing them into their bags to avoid damaging them further. They then attempted to cautiously pick up the woman, careful not to strain her injuries. As they did, they heard a rumble.

Suddenly, a wall of the cavern burst open, sending rocks flying throughout the area. Out of the newly created hole came the Jester, followed by the sound of a screaming horde. The Jester scrambled up onto the platform with the heroes, eager to escape the thrall of enemies that had followed him. Out of the hole poured a horde of orcs, nearly trampling over one another trying to get to their prey.

Before they could escape with the woman, the orcs encircled the heroes. There were about 50 of them, but none were armed. They were disgusting creatures, their bodies covered in an almost insect-like armor. Standing about as tall a a human, they were thin, but muscular. Their sharp claws could cut through the lightest of armors, and would tear through flesh with ease. Their sinister faces were filled with sharp fangs, with their slim pale eyes seeming to gaze right through you. Two horns protruded from the tops of their heads, completing their horrific appearance.

The heroes knew this was a horrible situation to find  themselves in. Fighting off the enemies while protecting the woman would be nearly impossible. Unlike the woman, the villagers had at least been in a position to fight for themselves and provide assistance. The heroes would get none of that help here. When they were about to make their move, another noise drew the heroes attention. A booming roar came from the hole the Jester had created.

Long, dark tentacles crept out of the opening. They slithered their way across the walls, encompassing the whole of the surrounding area. When it seemed like they connected only to the darkness, a form finally emerged. A large, bulging body pulled itself out of the shadows and into the cavern. A disgusting ancient creature, known as a behemoth beholder had followed the sounds of the horde and made its way to them.

Its body covered in eyes, it seemed to watch everything in the area at once. Its tentacles grabbed onto the stalactites and propelled itself across the ceiling of the cavern. The sound of it moving towards them caused both the heroes and orcs to freeze in place. Its body likely measured 20 meters across, with the tentacles being at least as long. It passed over near the central platform, and then hovered above. Its eyes looking down on all below, the heroes had finally met a monster that could meet their skill level.

Their thoughts racing to come up with a strategy, the heroes stood still, careful not to become the catalyst that would set off the battle. While they stood, they thought of Halo Infinite, Thanksgiving, and their upcoming 100th episode.

The heroes, having figured out their plan, clean up their campsite and head into the cave. The Jester lead the way, torch in hand. The darkness was nearly unbearable, making it seem as though the torch put off no light whatsoever. The crept carefully through the twisting tunnels, stepping quietly over stones and the remains of the adventurers that had come before them. As they progressed onward, the tunnels seemed to compress around them to the point they began to wonder how much further they could progress.

Eventually they arrived at an intersection, with three separate tunnels heading in each direction. The warrior hero asked if they should split up, but they decided it would be better to stick together. In spite of this, the Jester went off on his own to speed up their search. The went down their respective paths, and prepared to enter the deepest part of the cave.

As they proceeded through the ever-narrowing tunnel, the warrior hero and swordsman hero talked about the TV show Fargo, their experiences with halo Infinite, and Thanksgiving.

With the snow slowing down, our heroes put out their fire and continue making their way up the mountain. The snow made the climb slippery, and coupled with the underlying gravel made the climb even more dangerous than it had previously been. Constantly slipping and falling, they slowly made their way towards the summit. As they got closer, the air began to change, and a strange aura came over them.

Cresting the ridge to the summit, they saw their destination. A small shrine sat outside the entrance to a cave, its stone design worn from the winds of countless seasons. The entrance to the cave was darker than anything they had seen before, as if something evil prevented any light from piercing its domain. A sinister aura emanated from inside, causing any who approached to think twice about entering.

The heroes regrouped around the shrine and prepared to enter the cave. They made camp, and went over their plans. They talked about their experience with COD Vanguard, Battlefield 2042 first impressions, and the new Bond film No Time To Die.

After leaving town, the heroes start on a path leading up a nearby mountain. The rugged terrain meant they would have to be more cautious than usual. Loose gravel made traversing the area difficult, and the higher they went, the harder it became to breathe. They climbed and climbed, until snowy weather arrived. With this, it was too much to continue. They crawled under an outcropping and settled in for the night.

They started a fire, and cooked themselves something to eat. Covering themselves with everything they could, they did their best to keep warm. While sitting near the fire, they talked about Travis Scott and Astroworld, Call of Duty Vanguard, and Battlefield 2042.

Thanks to Dishon for coming on the show! Check out all of his stuff using the links below:

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After getting the materials he needed, the swordsman hero regrouped back at the Inn with his companions. He tinkered away for a bit in his room, and then emerged covered in grease and sweat. After informing the others that it would take some time to finish his project, they packed up and headed out.

They grabbed some breakfast from a stall on the way out of town, and set off on their new path. Along the way, they discussed the new Dune movie, what they would put on a personal billboard, and the new subreddit of the week.

The young royal, having had his fill, says his goodbyes and heads out of the tavern. Our heroes finish their meals and return to their rooms to collect their things. The swordsman hero, deciding he needs some more supplies, informs the group of his plans and heads into town. 

Once on the street, the swordsman hero goes from stall to stall, searching for the materials he needed. He thought to himself that perhaps such a small town wouldn't have what he was looking for. He continued on anyway, hoping to be surprised. While searching, he ran into a man with a penchant for older mechanical devices. Perhaps he would be able to help. The hero sat down and talked to him. They talked about old school Game Boy games, the hits and misses of cheap video games, and personal ventures.

Thank you so much to TheBrianJ for coming on the show! Please check out his work using the links below!

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Our heroes leave their conversation partner behind, and head to bed. Tired and confused as to why they talked for so long, they fall asleep almost immediately. The wake later in the morning, barely crawling out of their beds. After stirring from a near comatose state, they make their way down into the tavern. They find a seat and order breakfast.

A few bites in, the door to the tavern flies open and a friendly young royal enters. They notice our heroes and sit down to talk over breakfast. They discuss Far Cry 6, Back 4 Blood, and the Dave Chappelle controversy.

Thanks to the Duke of Education for stopping by! Check out his content featuring the link below!

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Our heroes arrive at a small town, and settle in at a small tavern. They are expecting to meet with a strange individual. When he eventually arrives, the heroes prepare for a short conversation before heading in for the night. What happens next stuns them. Not only does the conversation last hours and well into the night, but it carries over into the wee hours of the morning.

They discuss working in media, terrible movies, and having a life around working. They also talk about Furries, Onlyfans, and Megan Fox. Brace yourself; it's a real crazy conversation.

Big thanks to Marlon for coming on, and for sticking around for over 3 hours! Check out his content using the links below:

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With Kloss running off to his own adventure, our heroes continued on. The warrior hero had begun to feel a bit better, and so the other heroes continued to not worry about him. As they walked, they discuss the new Far Cry 6 game, and spending time with family. They heard a cry, and saw that a bird flew overhead. It swooped down, and dropped a letter in their hands. It contained questions that people wished the heroes to answer. They obliged, but were disappointed by many of them.