Dear Midlife...

Today's guest Helen Ferguson, likens our "Self" to little Russian nesting dolls...you may be familiar with these. They are often ornately painted wooden doll figurines-a bit shaped like an hourglass. You can separate the bottom of the doll from the top and there inside is yet, another similar, smaller doll, and inside that doll...there's another doll and inside THAT doll... And just like the Russian Nesting dolls, the world has an outside view of who we are but, inside, there are so many unique layers that lay beneath the surface.

Helen is a Trauma Psychotherapist specialising in guiding women on their healing journey from childhood trauma, Cptsd & sexual abuse. For the past 23 years she has been sharing her knowledge, skills & expertise with women in guiding them to liberation from the pain of trauma to defining and living life as the confident, calm, courageous & vibrant women they can be.

In this episode, she teaches us that healing is a JOURNEY...not a destination and she embodies that healing journey for herself after experiencing three abusive relationships, and shares the thriving woman she is within every therapeutic relationship to create safety & security for others in their healing. It's within that therapeutic relationship that she guides women to a relationship with themselves. She is providing an empathic mirror for how they can define the relationship with themselves differently. She offers herself as an example of how we can be healed through playfulness with our inner child, acceptance of all parts of our self, curiosity & exploration of what could be, and empathy for ourselves, (all of which is underpinned by self-compassion), then we get to be liberated from the wounds we have been carrying and become our true core self. 

In this episode, Helen teaches us that: 

1. Childhood trauma can live in your body at a cellular level. This can translate into chronic fatigue, illness and even mental health issues. In order to heal, we don't have to deconstruct or relive the past, we need to rewire our brains for the future.
2. You are not responsible for what happened to you. Say it again....you are not responsible for what happened to you.
3. Shame underpins all childhood trauma. We can re-wire our brains by understanding our inner layers and shifting the shame into self-compassion and kindness.
4. Self-compassion is a holistic acceptance of self and all your parts, whether you like those parts or not.
5. Connect with your values at all times. They are the handrails that will guide you across the rickety bridge of life

This episode is so rich. we can't wait to share it with you. Please listen, subscribe and leave us a review. Tell us what you'll do this week to show yourself compassion. We value your support.

You can find Helen:

Website | helenbferguson.com.

Access FREE Resouces on Helen's Website HERE

Facebook | Helen Ferguson Therapy

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Our guest today is Sabrina Rice.She is a wife, a mother of 2 daughters, and a lifelong seeker of truth and knowledge. As a Soul Alignment Coach, Sabrina's passion is helping women to come into who they are and discover who they are meant to be. She calls women home to their inner knowing and the truth that has been there all along.

She's been coaching in this space for 10 years. And, girl, ain't nothing this gorgeous spirit hasn't tried. She says her career has been as much of an evolution, as her soul's evolution.  She's been a personal trainer and a holistic nutritionist that has evolved into the desire to do so much more. And she uses all these tools to focus primarily on mindset work. As a human behavior lover with a certification in cognitive behavioral therapy, she focuses on helping her clients shift their mindset and channel energetics for self development and life manifestation.

She's equally used all these tools on herself, to help others understand them and then guide them through their own limiting beliefs to help them create more of what they wanted in their life. Her Understanding how the mind works and that being aware of your thoughts are optional is the most powerful thing she believe one can know.

So, ladies hang on for this one! We love the twists and turns that our bubbly guest takes us on today. Please leave us a review...

1. We are born into our truth, but as we move through life, we acquire programing that moves us farther from who we are at our core. We need to realign with our truth in order to move past stuck and life the life we want. 
2. We need to calm our nervous system to receive the possibilities. This can be done using a variety of techniques like meditation, journaling, walking, stretching... Find the tool that works for YOU...Don't start where yogis end...it won't happen overnight.
3. Thoughts create your feelings, which drive your behaviors which give you results.
4. Tap into your body and feelings first...then look for the source to figure out where you're out of alignment and how you need to shift your perspective.
5. We've programmed our brains throughout our lives with negative thoughts. We can re-program them with positive thoughts that serve us.
6. You're perfectly where you're meant to be

High Vibration Playlist | Raise your Frequency

You can find Sabrina:

https://linktr.ee/sabrinaricecoaching

Instagram | @thesabrinarice

Ladies! Sometimes mama knows best! Our next guest, Lauren Dreher, took her mother's advice when she wrote her book "Go with Your Gut: Then Keep Going. She was inspired by the words of a friend who said, "the book that needs writing will write itself". So, our girl, Lauren, just sat down one day with her trusty 99 cent spiral notebook and wrote a damn book.

And she has a LOT to share. She was scarred as a child with the removal of large birthmarks on her face and endured the cruelty of people staring and commenting about her physical appearance. And ladies, we alllllllll know the stories that get stuck in our head....? Right? The stories that tell us we're not good enough, we're not perfect. We can never be successful...fill in the blank girl. We all do it.

But, Lauren decided not to let these (false) narratives hold her back. She knew she was meant for more and set off on a journey to heal her own past traumas and triumph over tragedy. Today, Lauren is a mindset enthusiast, the author of Go With Your Gut: Then Keep Going and the host of the podcast: Go With Your Gut. 

Today, she shares with us the tools she used to change her own habits and in turn, her life. She uses these tools to help women to let go of who they were in the past, discover who they are now  and figure out their new path in life.

In this episode, Lauren teaches us:

1. We (women) tend to get stuck because we spend a lifetime assuming the roles and doing the things we think we're supposed to do or be. We get stuck in the everyday rituals and forget who we are as individuals. We need to be openminded about where our gut is taking us and what gives your fire and energy at this stage in life. Regardless of internal or external opposition. 
2. Lauren is a huge advocate of journaling/writing out what you can't figure out to help with forward momentum, helping to change daily habits. 
3. Know yourself...what stories are you telling yourself and what impact did these have? Then dig into the root cause behind your mental stories. 
4. Get over the stigma of therapy and start to listen to your body and emotions.
5. Be open minded to new possibilities. It's never too late to make.a change.

You can find Lauren at:

Website | livelifewithlauren.com

FB | Livinglifewithlauren

IG | @live.life.with.lauren

Podcast | Go with Your Gut (on Spotify)

So, you may not know Trinity's story. Her father threatened to kill her mom when she and her sister were young and they fled their city and lived on the run for several years under assumed names. Our guest today, Nichole Myles shares a similar story. She went from a ‘traditional’ upper-middle class life to losing everything, living in domestic violence shelters, and having rebuild an entire life while raising 3 children.

Now, Nichole brings not only her personal story but, more than 20 years of experience in education, nonprofits, and leadership, to engage her clients in a journey of self-discovery to overcome trauma and experience growth. 

She carries 2 levels of professional certifications in Trauma and Resilience. She has a masters degree in Organizational Psychology with a Coaching and Consulting concentration is expected early 2023. She uses her education to hone her poignant personal stories into opportunities for her clients to glean critical steps to support their own growth – to examine what they’ve overcome, and how to lean into that experience to amplify their futures.

70% of Americans will be effected by trauma in their lives and Nichole works as an ‘expert companion’ in the position of speaker, facilitator, consultant, or coach, helping move clients from ‘survivorship’ to ‘thrivorship’.

She use a metaphor for resilience being akin to falling off a boat and uses a kayaking trip with her teenage son to explain the trauma experience (getting flipped out of the kayak) and the act of getting to our feet as resilience: however, it's critical for you to understand that being safe in the water is resilience, but it's not the same as being back in the boat. This is why 'being resilient' isn't enough to move forward from our traumas. 

In this episode we explore:

1. How our brain cannot tell the difference between trauma that happened years ago and what's happening right now. It gets stuck believing you are still in danger and causes you to continually react to potential triggers and signs of the past trauma.
2. The importance of healing trauma because brain trauma can affect us at a cellular level and can contribute to any number of health issues and disease.
3. The fact that 70% of us will experience a significant trauma in our life. Self-care has to become part of our daily practice...It's what keeps our brains healthy in the way working out keeps our bodies healthy. 
4. Post-traumatic growth frameworks that help us to recast our trauma, deal with our losses, discover our own strengths and then re-write a narrative we can put into action.

You can find Nichole at:

Myles To Go Website

Miles To Go Linktr.ee

Please ensure we are connected on social media: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

Our guest today, Andrea  Lowell, has come into our lives at just the perfect time when we needed to receive the message that she's sharing! Andrea was exactly where we are at one point. She was working a full-time "day job" for Playboy, had millions of listeners for her on-air program....living the life that, to outsiders, might seem like she'd reached the pinnacle of success. However, she was ACTUALLY feeling stuck and like she was living a life that was out of alignment with her truth and her values and she reached a point where she just couldn't take it anymore!

And she got really honest with herself and made a leap of faith to start her own business and develop the I Am Everything Project in which she brings her clients to to radical self-awareness that propels them to a state of self-expansion and growth.  Her 2-month self-mastery program centers around the never-ending practice of self awareness, which propels the spiritually-minded to next-level frequencies, mindset, and connection to The Divine (and therefore next-level manifestation!). She literally teaches her clients to become their own gurus. In today's show, Andrea teaches us:

Our guest today is Featured in

We'd love to know what you took away from this conversation! Leave us a review and let us know!  And don't forget to join our FB group.

CLICK HERE to take our Core Values Index if you're feeling stuck to determine if you are living a life that is out of alignment with what value most!

ALL WAYS TO CONNECT WITH ANDREA ARE ALWAYS HERE:

Free Raise Daily Vibration Guide!:  https://tinyurl.com/andrealowell

https://linktr.ee/IAMEverything

Andrea Lowell Website

IG | The I Am Everything Project

EMail | [email protected]

Please ensure that we are connected on social media.  FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

You probably know by now that Trinity is not a "journaler" so, it won't come as any surprise that she's also not a planner or a scheduler. If you've seen any of her Facebook posts, you know she loves to do fun and unexpected things spur of the moment.

Shelby, on the other hand, is annoyingly scheduled...because, as she says, she just ain't got time for shit unless it's on the calendar. She's continuously distracted by shiny objects (and knows it). So, if she doesn't have her "to do's" right in front of her face reminding her of what needs to get done, she'll be totally distracted. Do either of these approaches resonate with you??

Well, on our show to day, we welcome Natascha Corrigan and Allegre Ramos who are moms, entrepreneurs, educators and friends who share a love of planning and a passion for empowering others moms and caregivers to prioritize themselves and their goals. And to our listener out there who is like Trinity...Natascha and Allegre can help you make new habits "your bitch" so you can conquer them to live the life you want!! #PutOnYourOxygenMaskFirst.

Today we discuss excavating past familial and societal expectations in order to unearth your true goals and live a values-driven life. Something that Trinity and I are sooo passionate about!  If you want to set goals and plan a life that is aligned with your core values, take our Core Values Index. In this episode we learn:

A habit is an energy saver for your brain so you can take action without your brain having to think too much about how to do it. Natascha and Alegre have found It takes most people an average of 63 days to form a new habit.

To embrace your personal style or "tendency" (From Gretchen Rubin's book "The Four Tendencies") when forming a new habit. Make it part of your identity. "I'm a planner so that I can live the life I want to lead."

It starts with excavation, understanding old habits and mindsets to clear the path for execution, forming new habits.

How to find a place where your new habit fits into the scope of your already existing daily routine. Use a habit tracker to help you to fully integrate the new habit.

To let go of goals that are NOT aligned with your core values.

If you want to learn more about Natascha and Allegre and their programs: 

👉Learn to Harness the Power of Planning at BYWDreams.com

⏰ Could you use a quick win every morning? Sign-up for our FREE mini-course "Create Your Morning Ritual"  SmartURL.it/CYMR

📖 Save time with our bestselling book "3-2-1-Done: Three simple strategies to get your to-do list done!" SmartURL.it/321DoneBook

Please ensure that we are connected on social media

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FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

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Well, last week, Trinity went through a therapeutic conversation with our guest and dug into her relationship with her ex-husband to understand why she felt she was perpetually chasing someone who was emotionally unavailable.

And this week...girl, we go through some deep shit with Shelby as our guest today, Marianne McGuire, takes her on an experiential, healing journey to her inner child who never adequately grieved the loss of her mother at age 7.

Marianne had this profound spiritual experience when she was six years of age, when she received certain fundamental sort of universal truths about reality and who we really are and now helps women on their healing journey through her Let Go and Know program and book "From Longing to Belonging: How You Can Finally Unlock Your Own Peace, Happiness, and Fulfillment " to break free of the box we put ourselves in with the good old support of the patriarchy and society conditioning.

Yeeessss...and holy shit does she help Shelby to bravely examine this childhood trauma and gives her a little nudge to let go of her own anxiety and self-doubt and lean into expansion and really helps you find a place of self-compassion.

And to our listener out there who is equally feeling the pain of some past trauma...We urge you to find a quiet place to play this episode. Go through the experience with Shelby and Marianne...Close your eyes, listen to Marianne's powerful words and learn to let go yourself.

This is a journey we can all go on together! And if you love this episode and are finding value in the Dear Midlife podcast, leave us a review and let us know what you're able to let go of today. We love you and you are NOT alone!

In this episode we learn to:

• Let go of struggle and know who you are
• Experience and nature are the portals to who you really are if you can be present enough to listen
• Understand that everything we need is within us
• Get outside into nature everyday and "ground yourself" we are electromagnetic beings and this helps us recharge.
• Give yourself permission to break free of your little box and stop "playing the game". It is time to reclaim our power. 

www.LetGoAndKnow.com to receive a Free Gift

Marianne’s site: www.LetGoAndKnow.com

Marianne’s email: [email protected]

Marianne’s Book: Marianne's Book | From Longing to Belonging: How You Can Finally Unlock Your Own Peace, Happiness and Fulfillment

Audiobook: Marianne's Audiobook Version

Facebook: Marianne's Facebook Page

Facebook Group: Marianne's Facebook Group

YouTube Channel: Marianne's YouTube Channel

Please ensure that we are connected on social media

FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

Vickie Lynn is a freedom fighter and overcomer, rising out of the ashes from 25 years of narcissistic abuse. She’s a faith-based, high conflict co-parenting and divorce coach reaching back into the fire to help other single mommas sharing custody with their narcissistic / abusive ex.

For any of you leaving a narcissistic relationship behind and who have kids, you know that the feeling of being lost or diminished doesn't end when the relationship does. The kids are always a tie back to the abuse you've endured. Vickie helps women to find their voice, create strong boundaries, and empower their children to do the same despite ongoing post-separation abuse. Her clients gain confidence, clarity, and tap into their own power to end abuse in their lineage and change the course of their lives!

Vickie Lynn will help you reclaim who you once were and help you learn how to respond to all the illogical and absurd crap that your ex throws your way. It isn't easy, but it is so worth being able to redeem some of the power you lost and each small step creates momentum.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Leaving the relationship with an abusive ex is one monumental foot forward, but it is really just ther start of a longer journey when kids are involved
• Sometimes, we have to look inward and evaluate what we can control. Start with setting small boundaries, which breeds greater confidence.
• Once you've reclaimed one small piece of power back, you start from there the next time.
• Be honest with your children about the ex's behavior and authentic to yourself. Model open communication and do what is right for your child at the right moment. Don't feel like you have to always shield them from the truth.
• Be a safe place for yourself and kids
• Journal to alleviate past anger and find new passions. Try new things.

We'd love to hear of your triumph's.  Take a moment this week to either think about or establish a purposeful boundary for yourself and let us know what steps you've been able to take to lean into your authentic self.

You can find Vickie at:

Instagram | IG | the_survivor_center

Website: https://thesurvivorcenter.com

Please ensure that we are connected on social media

FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

Subscribe to the Podcast

This episode turned into a little mini-therapy session for Trinity! It was fascinating to dig into her personal relationship with her ex as the perfect case study, in this instance, to unpack attachment styles.

Carla Crivaro, is so insightful as a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach. Carla works with men and women (and apparently Podcast Hosts) to help them understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally.

She really helps people connect to their emotions and tune into thier own behaviors and get curious about them...which is how she helps her clients to learn to trust themselves.

Today we discussed:

• The inevitability that different attachment styles will be attracted to one another and how to navigate these differences

Attachment styles: 

Secure attachment is characterized by strong relationships, trust, affection, resilience, and self-esteem.

Anxious attachment styles crave intimacy but are afraid of getting close to other people. They seem needy and worry that their partner doesn’t really love them. 

Avoidant attachment styles have a hard time forming close relationships. They are independent and tend to hide their emotions and feel compelled to withdraw when people get too close.

Disorganized attachment styles tend to be a mix of anxious and avoidant. While they crave intimacy and connection, they tend to avoid relationshi

• The fact that individuals will never be 100% secure in their attachment but will just able to manage their own nervous system in a better way. 
• The importance of being very specific and clear about your intentions with a partner.
• How women assume the role of caretaker because it helps us feel needed, but this can be disempowering as well and can cause us to lose our own identity
• How to listen to your body rather than looking for red flags. When you have a true sense of security and trust yourself, you can stop running and actually get curious about your feelings.

Website | carlacrivaro.com

IG | the.sexuality.sanctuary

Please ensure that we are connected on social media and leave us a review letting us know what YOUR attachment style is!

FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1 

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

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Our guest today, Kim Muench wrote a book titled "Becoming Me While Raising You-A Mother's Journey to Herself" Which exactly describes my relationship with my 2 teenage daughters at the moment. I have wanted to be the perfect mother for my daughters, I mean, that's how I roll. But, you know...its frustrating when you do so much and, yet the struggles still exist.

Kim notes that moms are the emotional barometer for their families. Sometimes it becomes evident that the stress and anxiety moms put into being "perfect" is the very thing that creates the same stress/anxiety in our personal relationships. 

Our conversation with Kim today speaks into the journey that moms are on and the lessons we learn as we mature as parents and as women. The more I have conversations with our guests, the more I realize the ongoing work I need to do on MYSELF and how THAT (in itself) will transform my relationships with those I love the most. I need to stop being what I think other people want me to be and just BE ME. And, while I thought I knew who that was, I'm realizing more and more that I'm still figuring it out!

Today Kim helps us unpack our own limiting beliefs about ourselves so we can live more authentically. A limiting belief I have is that I have to be perfect to be loved. And honey...perfect doesn't exist.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Acknowledging where we fail as parents, and reminding ourselves not to get stuck in the space where we blame ourselves for our children's behaviors and choices. Staying in that space is not productive.
• Past trauma (big T or little t) can impact our current behavior tremendously and become our limiting beliefs such as "I don't matter" or "I don't have a voice"
• The definitions of helping vs. enabling. Helping is giving assistance to someone when they can't do it for themselves. Enabling is doing something for someone else that they can/should do for themselves and then a resentment is formed.
• Our children come through us and not for us, except for the lessons they reflect to us during their journey in an effort to grow us up along the way.
• The 4 essential questions to uncover limiting beliefs and shift them into beliefs that better serve your relationship to yourself and to those you love the most.

1. What do I believe about myself?
2. Where did that thought/belief come from?
3. Is it true?
4. If it's not true, what is?

Kim's book (published in 2021, Becoming Me While Raising You) was written on the six limiting beliefs she took on in her childhood that played out over and over again in her marriage and parenting until she discovered the 4 critical questions and peeled back the layers of truth to reveal new, healthier beliefs that she now practices everyday. 

We know you have your own limiting beliefs. We want to hear from you...Leave us a review or join our FB Community and let us know one of YOUR limiting beliefs!

You can find out more about Kim's mission and services at www.reallifeparentguide.com.

She is on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, Instagram, TikTok and on LinkedIn as well. Kim appears regularly on television news, radio, and podcasts on topics related to conscious parenting.

TikTok |@kimmuenchparentcoach

IG | @Kimmuenchreallifeparentguide

LinkedIn | kimmuenchreallifeparentguide

Please ensure that we are connected on social media

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FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong