Dear Midlife...

Lena Papadopoulos is a life purpose and leadership coach and her superpower is digging deep to the root of an issue to help dreamers, idealists, and visionaries embrace their unique gifts, transform their pain into power, and alchemize their magic into medicine so they can lead with love to live a better life

In today's episode, Lena shares the intregal pieces of her unique Purpose Blueprint Framework that combines evolutionary astrology birth charts to help us ladies understand our soul purpose.

This chick has led an extraordinary life with almost 15 years experience in intercultural learning, community-building, and leadership and has been featured by HuffPost, Elite Daily, World Footprints, The Change School, and more.

Lena has a Master's degree in Cultural Anthropology and a graduate certificate in International Development from the University of Colorado, as well as a B.A. in Sociology and Psychology from Clemson University in South Carolina and has shared this wisdom and expertise with us today to teach us: 

• Our entire lives, we learn to wear a mask or play a persona and lose our sense of self. In Lena's world view there are 4 purposes we can seek out as we work to reclaim ourselves: core, soul, life, now
• The birthchart is the blueprint to the soul and is a true representation of the truth of who you are
• The soul is being put into situations in which the power of the individual to recognize their own worth and detach from those negative situations is tested
• Healing and finding your power requires acknowledging and moving through difficulty. It requires sitting WITH your pain…not in your pain
• What are the 5 life experiences that have shaped you, what are you proud of and what can you share with other people
• The conflict between us is a direct reflection of the misconnect within us

IG @Lena_Papadopoulos 

Work with Lena to get YOUR Purpose Blueprint

Also, please stay connected on social media for more fun events like this!

FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

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So...I think by now our listener knows that I was in a toxic relationship with a covert narcissist...and a few episodes ago Trinity also had a realization that, perhaps, you had (unknowingly) been in a relationship with a narcissist when our guest shared with us some characteristics of narcissistic behavior and these descriptions resonated in that moment and shined a light on what she had been previously unable to see. Our goal in our conversation with Annette is to do the same for you.  Being in a toxic relationship can rob a woman of her identity when she finds herself always accommodating the manipulative and abusive behavior of her significant other. The difficult thing is that this behavior can sometimes be sooo pervasive, it's difficult to see.

Being able to put names to behaviors, as our guest, Annette Oltmans, does really can be helpful for our listener out there who is questioning her relationship...and maybe her own sanity...The labels and definitions help to expose the patterns of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence.

Our guest Annette is also a victim of covert emotional abuse herself and the Founder and CEO of The M3ND Project, which is a non-profit organization aimed at educating victims, survivors, helpers, and first responders on hidden emotional abuse, domestic violence, and double abuse.

She has conducted years of research - interviewed hundreds of victims, therapists, and faith-based leaders. The results of her research were used in creating the M3ND Project's Responding to Abuse curriculum. She has sooo many valuable resources on the MEND Project's site...so check it out ladies.

And to our listener out there who is starting to have this slow realization that, oh shit, this is MY relationship...know you're not alone. Look and listen for the signs and patterns Annette shared that are summarized below. Get help and get out.

• Not all abusers are narcissists, but all narcissists are abusers

• Narcissists will often use multiple behaviors at once to "attack" or put down their victims. Recognizable behaviors include (but are not limited to)

  1. Blame shifting: In blaming, issues are always one-sided or reversed with the problem being laid at the victim’s feet.

  2. Joking: “That was just a joke” can be the first sign of an abusive relationship.

  3. Minimizing: Abusive belittling of the victim’s perspective. The intention is to make what the victim values unimportant, and therefore, kill confidence, creativity

  4. Countering: Doing the opposite of what the victim requests

  5. Deflection: When a concern is raised by the victim and the narcissist changes the topic to avoid responsibility

• The pillars of abuse are the "ingredients" for narcissism

  1. A faulty belief system: Deeply rooted belief that you're required to submit to their lead

  2. Image Management: A strong awareness of how others perceive them

  3. Hierarchical or Preferential Treatment: When societal/social norms or the individual's status in the community or relationship prevent them from experiencing the consequences of their behavior

  4. Entitlement: They feel they are entitled, regardless of merit, that they deserve preferential treatment

• Another term for co-dependency is "Self-love deficit disorder" the victim must seek out support through a trained therapist

• Double abuse is when the victim finally finds the courage to speak out against her abuser and then is condemned, criticized, and ignored by her surrounding community, which create additional abuse/harm to the victim

• The marriage recovery center is one of the true trusted resources trained to help couples resolve these situation

If this content and messaging is resonating with you, please leave us a review and share the episode with someone you know might benefit from hearing the same message.

Ok ladies....we're going to play a little game of word association today...raise your hand if you've ever...

• snapped at your kids

• Felt overwhelmed and exhausted

• Grabbed a handful of crappy food to snack on at the soccer game or on the road in-between

• Felt down and depressed

• gave everything you had to everyone else and had nothing left for yourself

• despised being a mom (girl-we have all been there)

Ok, girl, here's the deal...this is no way to live your...life running on empty all the time. As our guest today, Melissa Rohlfs says, you can't pour from an empty cup. Trust us...we've tried it for YEARS...so, we speak from experience!

We women think this is how we gain street cred, right? It's like we wear our exhaustion like a badge of honor...seeing who can outdo the other with all the damn giving. Ladies....this is NOT a competition....and it's time....oh, yes....it's time! Time to stop thinking self-care is selfISH and start taking care of your health, girl. That's right...you know, we women don't realize there is a TREMENDOUS connection with your mental clarity and overall health...and it all starts in your gut.

Yes ma'am! So true....so, today we ask YOU...Are you ready to be free & feel at peace with food, your body and your life? Because our guest today, Melissa, offers help and hope to the mama who feels overwhelmed, stuck and wants freedom to enjoy life AND motherhood Happy. Healthy. Free. The woman you desire to be is in there, waiting to come out. Are you ready? 

Melissa is a Board Certified Holistic Health and Life Coach. This woman has so many certificates and degrees, we can't call them all out here. She's here today to help YOU stop putting yourself at the bottom of your priority list.

That's right. No more stressful binge eating escapades because life is stressful and you feel pressed. {Hiding in the bathroom or pantry, anyone?}

You don’t have to live in overwhelm.

You can live without feeling down or depressed. 

You can live without feeling anxious and frustrated. 

You can enjoy life AND motherhood!

No more thinking you aren’t good enough because you aren’t perfect. 

So, HOW you ask? In this episode, Melissa shares with us some seriously insightful tips and techniques to handle your feelings, lose weight, feel good and regain the energy and mental clarity you're looking for!

1. What you put into your body has a tremendous impact on your overall mental health, clarity, vitality and physical health

2. You can not pour from an empty cup. You cannot give all you have to others without replenishing your own energy.

3. There is a huge connection between the gut and the brain and our diet has been linked to ADHD, depression, anxiety and a variety of other mental and physical health disorders.

4. Prepare in advance grab and go snacks made of whole foods, which are those foods that have the least packaging (think the produce section of the grocery store) and fewest ingredients

5. Sugar is 9x more addictive than cocaine. When you have a craving, ask yourself "What am I looking for in this moment?"

6. Use simple swaps when removing sugar. For example, low glycemic coconut sugar vs. cane sugar

Grab Melissa's Ultimate Guide on Body Freedom and Peace here.

Let's Chat - Get the coaching and clarity you need to get unstuck and find your calm, confident self. Schedule a coffee chat with Melissa today.  

Website | Free2BCoaching

Facebook | Melissa Rohlfs Coach

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ANNOUNCEMENTS: Calling all parents of teens! Trinity and I would love to share with you an event that we are participating in called the Mid-Semester Refresh.  I mean, seriously...moms of teens live crazy busy lives. But, this pod is all about finding ways to help YOU be your best self and momentum is created from one small action. 

You may be thinking, “I don’t have time for any more action!” And, I totally get it. But, rethink! With one click, you have the opportunity to improve your relationship with your teen. School no longer
has to be a major stressor in your family. Click HERE now to learn how. 

You know we got your back and are here to help you live a better life. We’ve joined forces with Jessyka Coulter, study skills tutor, to speak at her free event, The Mid-Semester Refresh. From Oct 24th to the 30th, you’ll have the chance to learn why your teen does the things they do. (Some of it really is explainable lol!)

Visit this LINK to sign up to watch 20+ great interviews, receive free gifts, and maybe even win a prize. The motivation is a better life, a strong end to the semester with your teen.  As a busy mom of 2 teen girls who is on the struggle bus on so many days...I'm going to make time to be there.  What will you choose?

Oh my goodness, I can't wait to speak to our guest today...I'm already crying (who's surprised?). Our guest Dottie Lawrence has touched my life, personally, by helping my daughter through a particularly difficult time in life and I really owe so much to her. Dottie, herself, experienced tremendous difficulties at a young age and was raised, in part, by a father who struggled with mental illness. It seems unexpected that those with such difficulties are able to heal and move on. However, as she became an educator in adulthood, Dottie found herself in a position where she had tools at her disposal to dig into her own past trauma. She dove deep to understand the the ways in which this trauma was showing up in her life, heal, and mend key personal relationships.  Now, she's even able to forge new relationships in a healthy and meaningful way.

She brought her passion for mindfulness to her role as a school administrator, creating a mindfulness program to enhance the well-being of students and strengthen their social and emotional skills as learners. And now, as a Lead Trainer for FuelEd Schools for 5 years, leads workshops with educators to provide them with the social and emotional skills essential for building relationships in schools with students and faculty.

Maybe you have had a relationship in your life that doesn't feel right or healthy. Have you ever asked yourself why you feel afraid to connect with people and hold friends and romantic or personal relationships at an arms distance, while you remain safe behind an invisible wall? Perhaps, you feel anxious that the party with whom you're in a relationship is about to leave at any moment and that they don't value you in the same way you do them? Have you ever thought about why you feel this way?

I just went out with a guy on probably 8-10 dates. We really connected, he actually knew how to carry on a conversation. However, I realized that each time we were together there was some thing he said or did that was a little triggering for me. The closer he tried to get and the more of my time he wanted, the more inclined I felt to pull away.

This experience has caused me to dig into my own past traumas and try to figure out why this has always been, frankly. Thank goodness we have Dottie here to help us unpack all of our shit! Dottie is the real deal. She holds a degree in Psychology and a Masters in Education. In our episode today, she will walk us through practicing social and emotional skills like showing empathy to others in difficult situations, Emotional Regulation and will help us to better understand Attachment Theory and how (and why) our attachment styles form.

Dottie has sooo much goodness to share like:

• Understand our attachment style as the characteristic way in which you relate to others in your intimate relationships and is heavily influenced by the self-worth and interpersonal trust that was developed with your caregivers as a child. 
• Move beyond attachment styles and begin to resolve the differences in approach by using empathy. When you change your dance steps, the other person is forced to change theirs and it can change and heal the relationship.
• Leverage the "perspectrum" to identify the spectrum of things you can consider when you'e taking someone else's perspective and use the tool to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings.

1. What's the problem they're having?
2. What do they need right now?
3. What are they feeling?
4. What's the story they're telling themselves?
5. What do they value?

• Use the 3-part "genuine statement" when communicating your needs with empathy: 1. identify and state the behaviors (when this happens), 2. call to light the impact of the behaviors (this is the impact on me) 3. State how it makes you feel (and this is how I feel). 
• Avoid using empathy blockers: "Silver Lining", "Fixer-Upper", "Interrogating", "Discounting" and "Stealing the Thunder"

So many of you reached out saying how much you liked our last guests core self quiz, that today, we're including a quiz for attachment styles. So, find the link in our show notes, take the quiz and leave us a review and let us know what YOUR attachment style is.

We'd love your help on the reviews because positive reviews and your participation are how we can keep this show going! So, if you're loving the Dear Midlife podcast, please let us know. We'd love to hear from you!

It's Not About the Nail Video

Book Recommendations

Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel A. Van der Kolk

Atlas of the Hear: Mapping Meaningful Connecting and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown

What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry

IG Influencers

@the.holistic.psychologist

http://www.facebook.com/FuelEdSchools 

@fueledschools.org

Please ensure that we are connected on social media and leave us a review letting us know what YOUR attachment style is!

FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1 

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

Subscribe to the Podcast!

Joey Chandler WAS a purpose-based relationship coach and host of the Love Launch Podcast...BUT, then he woke up one day and found that he was facing the similar midlife identity struggles we know you are also facing out there. He didn't know who he was or how he could show up for his clients to coach them to set big goals and pursue their dreams when he, himself, couldn't even get out of bed in the morning...

Joey saved his own life by getting very clear about who he was at his core and being MORE of THAT. In that space, he discovered the answers and next life steps he was looking for. Today, he's evolved his business and has become a Core Growth Coach and the founder of Core Growth Academy. Here he helps others get closer to who they are at their core and lean into their core self to overcome challenges faster and with less stress. Given the chaos, uncertainty, and demands of life these days, nothing is more helpful than knowing who you are at your Core. Trinity and I working to incorporate these principles into our lives and are finding we feel more grounded, confident, and energized.

Social media links (if applicable) @joeychandler70 everywhere

THE CHALLENGE: Go to Www.joeychandler.net to find out who YOU are at your core. Leave us a review and let us know the results!

Shelby is Happiness at her core = Contribution, Appreciation and Song

Trinity is Joy at her core = Connection, Family + Friends, play

Joey has taught us so much about ourselves today and we hope these lessons resonated with you as well...

1. At the end of the day YOU are all you have and you can make a big difference in your life by being more of yourself
2. Finding your Core Self is different than finding your core Values
3. Ask yourself 3 all important questions: 1. Who are you, 2. What's important to you and. 3. How do you bring more of THAT into your life?
4. The more that you can tap into the core of who you are, whether its love, joy, happiness, excitement or freedom, and what they mean to you; the more you can find answers and solutions for how to live your life that work.

Please ensure that we are connected on social media and leave us a review letting us know who you are at your CORE!

FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1 

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

Subscribe to the Podcast!

Our guest on the show today is Chelli Pumphrey. Chelli is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Therapist, Author and Relationship Coach with almost 30 years of clinical experience. She specializes in working with trauma, adult attachment, narcissistic abuse, and pathological love relationships and is the author of Insight is 20/20: How To Trust Yourself To Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse and Toxic Relationships.

This topic is so important. I know because I speak from personal experience.  I was in a relationship with someone who I've come to realize was a covert narcissist and was in this abusive relationship for 16 years. I stayed because for much of the time, I didn't even understand or realize that what I was experiencing was narcissistic abuse. Chelli helped me to understand the Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde behavior I experienced with my ex created cognitive dissonance which made it difficult for me to really grasp the reality I was facing. As the abuse escalated, I adapted my own behavior to accommodate my abuser and in that space, I completely lost myself. You'll also hear Trinity have a personal revelation in this podcast….so we can't wait to dive in with you.

As a Certified Integrated Medicine Mental Health Practitioner and Reiki practitioner, Chelli is passionate about integrative, holistic mental health, believing that mind, body, and spirit should be nurtured throughout the healing journey. Passionate about educating the public about toxic relationships. And man did she impart some amazing wisdom on our show today. 

1. The research shows that narcissism likely genetic and inherited in some way and "hardwired" into our personality. Therefore, it is difficult for a narcissist to change their behavior.
2. Women who are kind, empathetic and agreeable are often drawn into these relationships and narcissists will "prey" on partners with these qualities and characteristics.
3. Conscientiousness and traits like loyalty and being goal driven keep you in the relationship…
4. Cognitive dissonance can be described as the mental conflict that exists when your beliefs are not aligned with your actions.

Chelli founded Trilogy Holistic Mental Health in Denver, CO, and currently serves as Clinical Director of both Trilogy and Strength in Motion Counseling in Boulder, CO. She maintains her own private practice where she offers toxic relationship recovery coaching programs and  serves on the Board of Advisors for the Association for NPD/Psychopathy Survivor Treatment, Research & Education.

You can find Chelli:

Website | https://www.chellipumphrey.com

Facebook | Chelli Pumphrey Therapy

Instagram | Chelli Pumphrey

LinkedIn | Chelli Pumphrey

Our guest today is Helen Ryan.  She has a walking podcast, which is a super interesting concept, she "coaches" you on the podcast as you walk. It's like having your own personal exercise coach with you while you walk telling you to speed your pace, slow down…genius. She has authored 3 book and traveled the world.  And when asked what was the catalyst to all of these endeavors, Helen says simply, "desperation."  You see, like you, Helen hit 51 and felt burned out and exhausted. So what else was there to do but throw caution to the wind and put everything she owned in storage, begin traveling as a digital nomad and re-igniting the passion for life that she had lost.

I hear of soo many women in mid-life feeling like they're stuck. We are talking you you. Raise your hand if you don't know who you are any longer and and can't seem to recall what brings you joy. We were both their ourselves!

What we love about Helen is that she has this affinity to try on new personas and just take a small step figure it out who she is and what she wants to become. She's been a fitness instructor, author and now has tried on this nomad lifestyle…I think she's still figuring it out…but, I think there's a great lesson here that trying something new is a first step in finding yourself.

And ladies...we're putting a challenge out there to you today. If you're listening, we challenge YOU to try something new this week. It doesn't have to be big like selling everything you own and hitting the road….it can be something small.  But take that first step yourself. Leave us a review and tell us what new thing you tried this week!

If you're interested in connecting with Helen, you can contact her through the following channels:

Email address*

[email protected]

Social media links (if applicable)

https://walkingandtalking.show

IG: @midlifecrisistraveller

Facebook: Imperfectly Healthy is your Superpower

Ladies…I don't know how many of you out there are like me…? I pride myself in being able to go harder, faster, longer than anyone else. It started when I was young…I was on the varsity swim team, debate team, theater, had a part time job, got straight A's helped raise my 3 younger siblings. The madness has continued into adulthood…when I became a single mom I was working a full-time job and managing multiple multi-million dollar projects, playing the role of room parent, PTO Secretary, Girl Scout troop leader…and it wasn't until recently when I started to ask myself why. And my answer was that I've formed an identity around my hustle. It is so much a part of me, I don't know how to stop. I believe it started so long ago because maybe it was the only way I garnered attention from my ever-busy executive parents. Now I hustle because I feel it is the only way I'm seen as worthy. But, I tell you girls, the hustle is killing me. I'm tired.  Do you ladies out there feel the same way?

So, today we invite Shonda Moralis onto the show. She is a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker and if you're feeling the same way I am…exhausted. Depleted and just like life is one big to-do list, Shonda is here to remind us Don’t Forget to Breathe.  She's been there. She HEARS you.  Ladies, its time to stop running. Shonda's book "Don't Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women-Beat Stress and Find Calm Anytime, Anywhere!" Aims to help women reclaim their peace of mind by centering themselves in the present moment, even while they are being pulled in so many directions. She draws on over 25 years of psychotherapy to provide women the resources they need to take care of themselves through quick, easy meditations that can be done anywhere at anytime.

So, ladies this podcast episode will give you the following insights on how to take much needed breaks in your busy lives so you can be empowered to live a calmer, mor fulfilled life

• Mindfulness is paying attention to what's happening in this moment with an attitude of kindness.

• Meditation is taking time out of the day to practice the skill of mindfulness…anything we want to do well requires practice

• Mindful breaks are opportunities and reminders in which you can drop in in the middle of the day to just be more aware and pull ourselves out of automatic pilot

• The framework for mindful breaks includes "breathe, becoming and balance"

• It is intentional micro actions, such as "unmuting yourself" and making a contribution to the conversation that can be your catalyst forward toward healing and empowerment

• Use the "triangle of awareness"  or your thoughts, body sensations and emotions to become more mindful
• Mindfulness puts you in a state where you can exercise choice

You can find Shonda's books wherever books are sold:

Don't Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women-Beat Stress and Find Calm Anytine, Anywhere!

Breathe Mama Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Moms

You can find direct access to Shonda and a variety of resources on her website

If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife podcast please leave us a review or share this podcast with a friend. We appreciate your ongoing support of our show!

Deanne Rose is  a women's sexuality coach, massage therapist and birth doula She guides women into remembering and reclaiming their power and magic through connecting with their sexuality and pleasure while helping them to release the guilt, shame and old programming about their bodies and sexuality. After her divorce, I was in search of myself. Like so many women, I lost myself in marriage and motherhood. I didn't know that there was any other way. I felt my sacrificing was a sign of love and commitment. She didn't realize she was actually co-dependency and a desparate lack of self love and worth. She reclaimed my sexual essence as a woman during  her year long training in Layla Martin's Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching, now know as VITA coaching. The first 6 months were a deep dive into the shadows and the segmented and unintergrated parts of self. This process, along with plant medicine, helped Deanne heal many layers of trauma and guided her into the truth and acceptance of who she really is. By removing her masks, she is now able to hold a sacred and safe space for her clients to do the same. She understand the benefits of developing radical acceptance of self and strives to be this beacon of light for her clients and people around me. Deanne believes in a world where women are connected to the natural rhythms and cycles of their bodies and of the Earth. This is where women remember their power and reconnect to the highest version of themselves. In this episode, Deanne shares with us how to:

1. Connect through our throat/voice, our heart and our womb space in order to reach self-actualization.
2. Use breathwork to start the energy moving through your body
3. Move your body to release energy and heal trauma. If possible, get back to your primal self.
4. Use all 5 senses to take in the world around you and as you experience things through your senses ask if these things are life giving or life taking.
5. Use plant-based medicine for unlocking trauma and suggests this method be done with trusted guides

You can find Deanne using the following links:

The Unbridled Woman FB Group

https://www.deannerose.net/

Denise Drinkwalter retired after a fulfilling career as an educator and suddenly found that, like many of us, she didn't know what she wanted to be when she grew up. In today's podcast, you'll hear Denise's journey to a new career as an Empowerment Life Coach fulfiling extraordinary work with women in the middle. She has an intuitive gift that affords her the ability to assist women in gaining clarity, perspective, and strength from within. Denise’s specialty is supporting women experiencing the complexity, strain and stressors of the Empty Nester Syndrome. Denise’s assists women in tapping into aspects of themselves they have never explored and through her genuine approach, helps  women release the burdens, expectations and false beliefs that they have carried around for years.  She consistently employs her elite level coaching skills, leaving a trail of positivity, expansion and soul led growth with whomever she has the privilege to guide. Denise has been featured on a variety of Podcasts sharing her expertise as a Certified Priestess Numerologist, a Parenting Coach for Empty Nesters, and maintains a full-time coaching role in Clutter Boss Academy, and is an Expert Coach in Perimenopause Hub based out of the UK. She is also an Executive Contributor for BrainzMagazine. Denise’s signature 8- week course Cut the Cord-Not the Ties is a complete game changer for all Moms experiencing the Empty Nester Syndrome. Denise offers group programs and a variety of one-one coaching opportunities for women who are experiencing challenging situations that are keeping them from experiencing life to its fullest using the following best practices:

1. Think of one experience in which you felt immense joy, sit in that moment and memory and ask yourself, what about that moment can I emulate in my life now?
2. Look within yourself to determine what you need for you, by you and because of you.
3. Get out of your cognitive self and listen to your body and emotions.
4. Go into nature and tune in to what is around you using all of your senses. You can use external nature to help you tap into your inner self.
5. Look at listen for patterns and signs to guide you
6. Use the interrupter question, "How does this serve me?"

If you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a review!!

Email address: [email protected]

Website: denisedrinkwalter.com

Social media links

https://www.instagram.com/denisedrinkwalter/ https://www.facebook.com/DeniseDrinkwalterCoaching https://www.linkedin.com/in/denisedrinkwalter/