Death Metal Dads

In today's raunchy and scandalous episode, Jason Walton (Agalloch, Especially Likely Sloth, Celestial, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Self-Spiller, etc) divulges sordid details about Aesop's past, gets candid about raising weird daughters, and slings insults at Shelby as if they'd met before or something. It's fucked up!

If you like to relax during entertainment, spoilers for you as follows: The O.F.P., Jeff Walker's Cowboy Hat, Professor Harry And The DMD Signature Fuckstyle, How To Build A Wooden Toilet, Deeply Moved By The Events of 9/11, Of Mirrors And Distressed Manatees, Fog Machines And The Resulting Digestional Tract Issues (Can You Sign This?), All Aboard America (Another Train Gang Bang), Making Out With One-Armed Mary, Happy Birthday Calvyn (Here's Your Invoice!), "Goodbye You Old Stinky Asshole!", How Hickey Killed Tupac, Buckets, Tarps, and Bodily Fluids, Glen Benton: DMD Arch-Nemesis, Bill Steer's Guide To Gentle Lovemaking, Weird Old Grind Dudes, The Thing About The Rest Stop, What The Fuck Is That Guy Running From?, What Aesop Does Like A Sailor, #SceneBeef,  Confusion About Corys, Pitching vs Catching in the Heavy Metal Gay World, Canadian Angel Dust, Feeding The Baby feat. Mystifier, Idyllic Punk Bass Player Parenting, Gross Coffee Noises feat. A Gross Burp, Roommates Showing Up Early, Slovenian Bullshit, False Leg Cramps, Involuntary Abstinence, Fake Ejaculate Mustard, Killing Your Sex Partner feat. A Sick Eyepatch, Siqq Salt Lake City Shows, What's Your Point?, and Swiss Racial Tension! All this plus The DMD Bump, Fatherly Advice, Dad Sex, Listener Emails, Hotel Keys, High Life, and Laffs Galore! Tune in numbnuts, you're gonna die soon!

Music:

Carcass, "Lavaging Expectorate Of Lysergide Composition"

Jeff Walker Und Die Fluffers, "End of The World"

email us for bad sex advice: [email protected]

In the first of two enlightening episodes for the month of September, an Aesop-less Shelby is joined on the sunny patio of a Montreal AirBnB by college professor, metalhead, father of two, and creator of Grimposium Vivek Vankatesh. Also featuring surprise cameos by Dan Butler (Vastum, Acephalix), Pranjal Tiwari (Cardinal Wyrm), and British Dave (Football Madness), this discussion goes deep on academia, philosophy, fatherhood, and the mystical origins and culture of extreme music.

Valid and pertinent pontifications as follows: The Mutual Washing of Balls and Resulting Scrotal Cleanliness, How Did You Do That?, Incessant Beeping and The Passing of Fire Trucks, Maya Vs. Mastadon, Stoked Mallcore Kids, Partying With Sebastian Bach, Free Massages In The Artist Village, A Casual Plate of Food, Heavy Times at Katacombes Montreal, Uroboric Musings on Academia and The Mind/Body Horror Binary, Screaming In Your Daughter's Ear, A Complete Lack of Usual Segments, Luc LeMay and The Hidden History of The Human Race, Gettin' Pleiades Dusted Off Some "Colored Sands", Inquisition's Border-Crossing Issues and How They Benefitted Vastum, A Checkered Past, An Apartment Full of Drowsy Metalheads, Particularly Evocative Emotions, Don't Worry: Dan's Not Drunk, Strangling People With A Mic Cable, Cardinal Wyrm Chanting To The Empty Heavens, Neckbeard Technocracy, "Fucked With A Knife" As An Antidote To Dread and Depression, More Beeping, A Visit From The Landlord, Chatty Neighbors, and Lots of Weird Dude Energy. THIS 1 IS FOR SMART PPL ONLY! IF YOU ARE A FALSE DO NOT ENTRY!

Music:

Gorguts, "Considered Dead"

Vastum, "Amniosis"

Check out Vivek's endeavors at Grimposium.com.

The Dads have given up. It's over. In the laziest, most apathetic podcasting maneuver since the dawn of time, Shelby and Aesop hand the mics over to their kids--Calvyn (age 18) and Ezra (age 15) to do the show for them. Is it the best Death Metal Dads ever? The worst? THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!

Music:

Nitro, "Freight Train"

Foreigner, "Juke Box Hero"

In today's enlightening installment, the Dads are guestless and return to The Dad Pad to gather their thoughts, drown their sorrows, and really get back to what's important--Mike Smith from Suffocation's rap career. But that's not all! Despite shitty audio and malfunctioning recording devices, they dive into a deep, tepid pool of subjects, including but not limited to: Suspicious Discharge, An Awkward Engagement In A Rest Stop Bathroom, A Corn-Studded Fuckturd, The Smart & Final Solution, Musings on The Back Cover of "Effigy of the Forgotten", Donald Duckin' vs. Porky Piggin', Clip Shows, Blooper Reels, Double-Donging, Tony Molina's New Gravity BlastCast, The Ballad of Dwayne and Rusty and The One-Armed Shotgun Dad, A Semi-Efficient Killing Machine (At Best), A Sex Query From Jaleel White, "Hey, Are You Guys In A Family?", A Brief History of Toilet Vocals, One Cock-Sweater With Reindeer On It: Size Small, Father/Son Bonding at the Suffocation Show, The All-New Death Metal Dads Fuck Apron With A Dickhole In It From Hide The Bodies Press, Haitian Winston and the Pizza Hut Vagina, East Oakland's Zombie Chicken Outbreak, Aesop Ate Brad, Post-Abortion Breakfasts, Frank Mullen: Patron Saint of Death Metal Dads, Good Ol' Fatherly Advice, PLUS Listener Emails, TWO New Segments (Dad Sex Vol. 1 AND The DMD Bump: Ball-Washing Edition) AND A Bonus Dad-Fuckin' Story! HOLY CRAP WHAT A PODCAST!

Music:

Suffocation, "Breeding The Spawn"Inculcator, " Stygian Expanse (Malus Peior Malum)

(Also featuring special appearances by Erika Osterhout, Marissa Martinez-Hoadley, and Brian Hoadley as The People Laughing at Aesop In The Hallway)

(Local underwriting by The 3 Rings Liquor Foundation)

 

Welcome to Episode 6, recorded live in a boiling-hot practice space on the third floor of the Oakland Music Complex! In today's auditory adventure, the Dads are joined by Eric Cutler (Autopsy, Necrosic) to expound upon an array of inane and beer-soaked subjects, surrounded by vintage smut and Star Wars memorabilia.

 Topics discussed herein: Man Kegels, A Lack of Electricity & Apologies For Slapping, 16 Years on the Couch Drinking Beer, The Ken Burnses of Death Metal Podcasting, Antioch's Sadus Statue, A Change.org Petition For More Guitar In The Monitors, You Have Bad Taste In Things, Fun With Shitfun!, Unholy Blackened Death Thrash Farmer Grampa, Solicitations For Dad Sex, A Lot of Talk About Quilts, Alienating Autopsy, More Shit-Talking on Glen Benton, A Hole In The Cyclone Fence That You Climb Through To Smoke Weed With Chuck Schuldiner, Don't Talk Between Songs, THE DMD BUMP, Inquisition Wants You To Drive Safe, An Apology To Mom, Aesop On Shelby's Shoulders Wearing A Long Trench Coat Posing For A Picture With Dan Lilker, 105 Degrees in the Museum of Porn, Proud Father of a Rototom-Playing Son, A Letter To Aerosmith: The Whitford/Hamilton Affair, Sizzler Is The Sweatpants of Restaurants, and of course, everyone's favorite segment, Fatherly Advice. It's a good one. Tune in!

 Music:

Autopsy, "In The Grip of Winter"

Necrosic, "Squirming In Your Guts"

Contact: [email protected]

SPECIAL BONUS MOTHER'S DAY SURPRISE EPISODE!

 

In what will surely be remembered as DMD's most GRIM and NEKRO installment (read as: shitty-sounding), the Dads enter an ACTUAL TOMB in the Mountain View Cemetery sans microphones or electricity to sit down with their first Metal Mom, Chiyo Nukaga (Noothgrush). Topics pontificated upon as listed (but not limited to): Yokohama-klahoma, If You Wanna Get Away From A Ghost Go Into The Woods, An Asshole Full of Gin, Punched By A Rabbi, Wind Noises, Parole Violations, Underwear Punx: What We Do Is (Victoria's) Secret, Disco Doom, Bad Reverb, Craig Pillard: Garbage Man/Garbage Person, Google Ghosts, Chuck E. Cheese Is Thunderdome, Dubstep Dads, Why The Oakland Raiders Travel In Single File, The Purple Pie Man: Scented Pedophile, Less Pissy Fabric, There's A Noothgrush On My Toothbrush, Narnia Meth, More Bad Reverb, Not Getting High With Dino From Dystopia, Casting Off Your Leg Prisons, Dionne Warwick's Inability To Locate San Jose, World Jewry/Rural Jewelry, and of course everyone's favorite bummer, Fatherly Advice. Join us.

 

Music:

Incantation, "Unholy Massacre"

Noothgrush "Alderaan"

 

PRODUCTION NOTE: AFTER THE RECORDING OF THIS EPISODE, THE DADS LEARNED THAT THE TOMB THEY RECORDED IN WAS DESECRATED IN 1988, AND THAT THE HEADS OF TWO BODIES THEREIN WERE REMOVED. THIS IS THE REASON FOR THE TOMB'S VACANCY AND LACK OF NAME.

LIVE FROM EAST PALO ALTO, IT'S DMD EPISODE 4: DADAKLYSM!

On today's episode, the Dads are joined by author/singer/martial artist and all-around badass Eugene Robinson (Oxbow, Bunuel, The Sal Mineo Project, etc etc), to pet dogs, pet cats, and awkwardly avoid being brutally assaulted for 65 minutes. They talk about stuff. Such as: Fighting Dudes In Basements For Fun And Profit, A Surprise Cameo By Deaf Cat, A Lot of Unexplained Grunting And Panting, You Can't Un-Fuck A Vagina, NO DEALS AT THE MERCH TABLE, Eyeball Slicing, Getting Naked Onstage And How It Effects Your Children, Popeye: A Really Good Dog, Steve From Harvey Milk Makes Mean Eggs, The Yanni/Raffi Connection, When Your "Fun Orgy" Turns Into A "Bummer Gangbang": A Cautionary Tale, Someone Pack Bob Uecker In Bubble Wrap!, Leonard Part 6 Chat, Some Playful Eye-Gouging And The Casual Ripping off of Dicks, Kataklysm: Not Really Worth Talking About, and of course, a nice solid chunk of Fatherly Advice. Join us or die.

Music:

Kataklysm, "The Orb of Uncreation"

Oxbow, Daughter"

Contact: [email protected]

 

Dad-Chat HEATS UP in Episode 3: STARING THROUGH THE EYES OF THE DAD!

  In this month's installment, Aesop and Shelby are joined by their bestest pal and bandmate Marissa Martinez-Hoadley (Cretin, Repulsion) to make an attempt at not talking about dicks for 90 minutes. Topics include (but are not limited to): A Brief Celebration of the 100th Anniversary of The Elephant Pajama Joke, Psyllium Husk: Dietary Supplement or Prog Band?, Thawing Out The Blue Grape Neanderthal, How We're All Slowly Dying, Metamucinex/Stool-Aid/Shit Knit (Poop Tips with Grampa Dekker), Steve Vai-able Guitarists, Poseballs and How They Apply To Online Fuckstyles, Rihanna Chat, Scissoring Over Star Trek: TNG, The Guy From Obituary's Meth Lab, Brian Playing Frogger, Aesop's Staunch Anti-Immigrant Stance, DADS DON'T GRAVITY BLAST, A 4-Person Mosh Pit In a Fancy Penthouse Apartment, Nuclear Centaur Cock, Fucked With A Porsche, A Garfield Greeting Card Containing an Applebee's Gift Certificate and a Message Reading: "Hey Mom, I'm Transgendered!", Losing A Dick In First Life Whilst Gaining One In Second Life, I Cum Syrup/Waffle House Menu Items That Sound Like Cannibal Corpse Songs, Brony674 Calling QA To Get His Penis Fixed, and of course, everyone's favorite segment Fatherly Advice (featuring "It's A Boy! Or Is It?/Fuck It To Death"). All this and SO MUCH MORE. Wowie zowie what a program!!!   Spoiler: They talk about dicks. A lot.   Music:  Cannibal Corpse, "Staring Through The Eyes of the Dead" Cretin, "How To Wreck Your Life In Three Days"   Your mother and I are worried about you: [email protected]