Deconstructing Mamas

We tend to look for answers outside ourselves. From books. Church. From friends or family. Even from society. We are called deeper, to sink down inside ourselves, where what we need is intertwined with what the Divine has to offer us. The place where we can trust and rest and then go and do. (Esther Goetz)

Our guest this week is our very own Esther Goetz. Esther is a deconstructing mama of four, an author and spiritual director, dedicated to helping you take your next step in the growth of your soul.

On this episode, we explore the very important idea of reclaiming our internal authority that was taken away from us by high-control religion, culture and even family systems.

We chat in depth about these ideas:

• The value of spiritual direction, what it is not and what it is.
• The difficulty of moving from external authority to internal authority. Some of the messages we’ve received in high-control religion.
• The importance of embarking on this journey to discover ourselves and take up the mantle of making decisions from a place of internal authority.
• Some practical tools for reclaiming our own internal authority.
• Taking the practices of spiritual direction and applying them to our parenting.
• Resources that Esther has for those who find themself parenting and in this ever-evolving faith journey.

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were things like "companionship" and "connection" and "divine spark" and "holy listening" and "midwifery." Find out why when you listen.

LASTLY, we have a HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT at the end of the podcast about a resource that's coming up in the summer! WE ARE SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!

You can find Esther at the following:

Website: estherjoygoetz.com

Spiritual Direction: Heard and Held

Spiritual/Author Spaces:

Facebook:  Esther, the Dolly Mama
Instagram: @estherthedollymama

Moms of Big Kids:

Facebook: Moms of Bigs
Instagram: @momsofbigs

“We are meaning-making machines. Chaos is uncomfortable, and thinking that everything that happens to us is due to random chance feels cold and impersonal. The brain seeks out patterns and order when they are not necessarily present.” Sarah Henn Hayward

Our guest this week is Sarah Henn Hayward. Sarah is a mom of two, an author and our first self-proclaimed agnostic/atheist on the podcast. To say that our conversation was fascinating and enlightening would be an understatement.

On this episode, we explore these topics:

• Unpacking the realization that so much of our former faith was about control and distraction from the realities of life. We were looking for safety and consistency and a formula to explain all of life’s pain.
  
  
• Embracing the uncomfortable choas/mystery/the "I don't know"
  
  
• What happened when Sarah finally said the words "I don't believe in God" out loud
  
  
• Deconstructing faith when it leads to actual de-conversion or agnosticism/atheism
  
  
• Navigating parenting with a partner who is still believes in God.
  
  

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were things like "mystery" and "wonder" and "peace" and "what if." Find out why when you listen.

You can find Sarah at the following:

Website: sarahhennhayward.com

Instagram:  @shaywardwrites

Facebook:  Sarah Henn Hayward

Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate. - Malynda Hale

Malynda Hale, mom, activist, singer, author and actress, is our guest this week. Malynda uses her voice through her music and social media presence as an educating activist to effect change within social justice, female empowerment, LGBTQ+ rights, the Black Lives Matter movement, Antisemitism and Progressive Christianity.

On this podcast episode, we dive deep into lots of that, but we also spend our time hashing out how to truly love ourselves and those around us, especially our kids. "It doesn't have to be complicated" was a theme that came up over and over again, something that felt like a balm to our over-busy and way-over-complicated lives.

We spent time chatting through these incredible questions:

1.  You are what you call a "progressive Christian. How would you define progressive christianity for yourself?

2. You use your platform to fight for the things that are important to you, which we really respect and love. What social justice issues do you feel aren’t getting the attention they deserve in the Church?

3. Your quote, "promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate," is powerful, and something that we strive for in our approach to deconstruction. How do you apply this to your life and why does it feel important to you?

4. We talk a lot about how our own journeys shift the ways that we relate to our kids. How does your work as an activist and artist spill over into your parenting?

5. Picture yourself sitting at your dinner table with your daughter. What would be your overarching message to her about God, faith and herself?

Our favorite words from this podcast episode were things like "normal" and "change" and "love" and "simple." Find out why when you listen.

You can find Malynda at the following:

Website: malyndahale.com

Instagram:  @malyndahale

Threads:  @malyndahale

P.S. There is one passion project that Malynda speaks about on the podcast that we want to highlight this week.  R.O.C ERA is a non profit organization that was founded with the hope to make the impossible, possible by serving our underprivileged children in black and brown communities.

They provide mentoring programs that curate experiences and expose them to programming that is not traditionally available to youth in impoverished communities. Programs that consist of visual and performing arts, fitness, nutrition, social and emotional skills.

The Church needs to be called out and take responsibility for the damage it has done to people. The survivors should be heard. So no, I don't always talk about the good. Because until the darkness is exposed, and more people are removed from power that absolutely should not be in it, I will not be quiet. - Amber Schultz

Amber Schultz, founder of Fundie Freed, a webcast devoted to telling religious trauma survivor stories, comes on the podcast as our guest this week. Amber is a single mama of three daughters and is highly passionate about breaking free from toxic religion and learning to love herself and others fully and without conditions.

On this podcast episode, we hear Amber's own story of survival, having freed herself from an abusive family and church, along with the intermingling of those harmful systems. Amber walks us through these very difficult and important questions:

1. You grew up in an abusive home, where silence and obedience were strictly enforced and you were kept under complete subjugation. Can you share with us, as you are comfortable, an example from your childhood that might give us deeper insight?
   
   
2. Once you gave yourself permission to seek therapy, what were some of the toxic theologies that you discovered were, as you’ve described them, “lies you’d been told?”  What’s been the hardest lie to unlearn?
   
   
3. You are learning to love yourself. Was there a specific “aha” moment or tool that has helps you to do this? (we all struggle here)
   
   
4. We love your platform and your YouTube channel, Fundie Freed. Why did you create this space?

We also talk loud and long about taking a different parenting path than the way Amber grew up and what key values she brings into her parenting as she navigates her life as a single mom with three girls. These are powerful and have to do with purity culture, bodily autonomy, emotional health and creating a safe space.

You will be both heart-broken and filled with all kinds of hope as you listen to this episode. We hope you join in.

You can find Amber at the following:

Youtube: youtube.com/@fundiefreed

Facebook: Fundie Freed 

Instagram:  @fundiefreed

Deconstruction invites us to become really honest about what we believe, why we hold those beliefs sacred, how they influence the way we relate to our creator, and who is actually served by our beliefs. If we trust the process enough to lower our walls and honestly engage with our questions, deconstruction promises to reveal undiscovered bias, limiting beliefs, and any flawed doctrines that actively harm people. - Angela J. Herrrington

Back for round two, Angela J. Herrington, comes on the podcast as our guest this week. We are doubly-thrilled to have her back! Angela is a deconstructing mama to five kiddos, a deconstruction coach and as of late, an author to a brand-new book!

Whether you are deconstructing due to curiosity, uncertainty, or a compelling inner voice, Angela helps you explore the deeply personal journey of faith deconstruction compassionately and without judgment. Together, the two of you will slog through the uncertainties and complexities of faith deconstruction. Laughing, crying, and raging against the toxic religious machine together.

On this podcast episode, we find out why Angela is so passion about writing her new book Deconstructing your Faith without Losing Yourself and especially tackle these questions:

1. Is deconstruction a trend? Why or why not?

2. How do we navigate deconstruction without losing what feels like our core selves?

3. What tools are there to sort through our ideas and beliefs and why is a sense of autonomy/internal authority so important in this process?

4. How do we navigate the resentments that we might still hold for our old church, family members, belief systems? 

We also discover what hope there is for our kids as we navigate a shifting and evolving faith, especially perhaps the importance of a relationship with themselves, so vital and different than perhaps the way we grew up.

Angela is feisty and fantastic (if we say so ourselves). You will find yourself nodding along and saying lots of "me toos" and "amens" (if that's even still allowed - winky face).

You can find Angela at the following:

Website:  www.angelajherriington.com

Facebook: Angela J Herrington

The Faith Deconstruction Cafe 

Instagram:  @angelajherrington

Pinterest:  @angelajherrington

X:  @angherrington

Linked In: Angela J Herrington

YouTube:  Angela J Herrington

The question we need to ask is this one: Am I being pushed by fear or led by love?  (Emily P. Freeman)

We are absolutely thrilled to have Emily P. Freeman join us on the podcast this week. Emily is a New York Times best-selling author, a mom to three, a spiritual director and podcast hostess.

Her most important work is to help create soul space and offer spiritual companionship and discernment for anyone struggling with decision fatigue and trying to make a life in the process.

Emily vulnerably speaks about her own spiritual journey and we walked through ways we can be pushed by fear instead of led by love and perhaps how to flip the narrative in our own life when it comes to making hard decisions, especially in the transitional space of walking out of and into the various "rooms" in our lives: faith communities, seasons, jobs, and so many more.

She allows us a behind-the-scenes look into her own very difficult decision to walk out of the "room" of the church she and her family were an integral part of and all the emotions surrounding it: grief and relief to name just two. She guides into understanding how leaving something as important to her as church helped us to hold onto her very important faith.

Our favorite part of the podcast was two-fold: when we discover why it's so essential to be your own friend during times of transition, especially during an evolving faith journey, and also how Emily has navigated walking in and out of many different spiritual "rooms" while in the throes of raising her three children.

This episode will be a balm to your spiritual soul, a respite in the rush of life and give room for you to take a long, slow, deep breath

You can find Emily at the following:

Instagram:  @emilypfreeman
Website:  www.emilypfreeman.com
Podcast:  The Next Right Thing

I want to be a voice for the invisibles.  (Leslie Nease)

What do a Survivor contestant, deconstructing mama of four bigs, former Christian radio broadcaster, life and faith transitions coach, author and newly-minted podcast hostess have in common?  They are all named Leslie Nease, our podcast guest this week.

Leslie is quick-witted, well-spoken and passionate about coming alongside of people in their ever-evolving spiritual journeys and making sure they feel seen, heard and absolutely not alone.  She wants to make the "invisibles" (those of us who are afraid of speaking out about our deconstructing journey for whatever reason) find our voice again, the way she has found her own.

On this episode, we explore all the ways we have been shut down, silenced, or spiritually bypassed and discover why it's so important that we discover who we are and why our stories matter (and why it's good that we begin to tell them).

Leslie also gives us some really good tips about what's at the root of having a long-term, healthy relationship with your kids, especially one that has ridden all the religious and spiritual rollercoasters that come along with deconstructing toxic faith systems.

This one is a goodie, if we say so ourselves.

You can find Leslie at the following:

Instagram:  @leslienease

Website:  www.leslieneasecoaching.com

Podcast:  Honoring the Journey

*trigger warning*

“My passion is to have a kinder and gentler world for our little people in faith spaces.” (Matt Shantz)

Meet Matt Shantz, husband, dad, social worker in child and adolescent mental health, and spiritual mentor. Matt is our podcast guest this week and we are so grateful to have had one of the most complicated, difficult and needed conversations we've had on the podcast to date.

This week, we tackle the subject of spanking and we do so in a way that will be informative and passionate, full of stories and science, but also allow room for both the heartbreak and hope.

We discuss the trauma of spanking in all categories: physical, spiritual, emotional, relational and even sexual.

We share stories (even our own) of harm and also of repair and touch on the way our view of God might be behind how we view the healthy "discipline" of our kids.

We chat in depth about the research surrounding spanking, what it says and perhaps why the "Christian church" has been at odds with what's been found (i.e., why do many high-control religions deem spanking as necessary discipline?).

Lastly, we move into a posture of hope for a kinder and gentler future. What can we do instead of resort to violence with our kids? Why is that so important? How can we repair our relationships with ourselves and our kids when we blow it? What should we do if we've been either the victim of spanking or the perpetrator of it?

We are so incredibly grateful to Matt for his transparency, vulnerability and passion when it comes to this subject and also recognize that this might be incredibly difficult for some of you to listen to for a host of reasons.

It's why we are so glad there is someone like Matt who provides spiritual care and mentorship for wholeness, embracing a client-centered and compassionate approach. Matt's focus is on integrating and supporting spirituality, nurturing emotional wellness, respecting individual beliefs and experiences. Through active listening and non-judgmental guidance, Matt hopes to empower individuals to find meaning, strength, faith and hope.

You can find his good work at the following:

Website: mattshantz.org

Instagram: @shantzmatt

I’m trying to be in alignment with what I understand what the true principles of love to actually be. (Stephanie Stalvey)

The passionate and kind Stephanie Stalvey is our guest this week on the podcast. Stephanie is a deconstructing mama of one, high school art teacher, and painter writer and comic book artist extraordinaire. She loves music and animals and going to the beach when its cold.

She's  been irresistibly drawn to making comics since she was a kid. Comics are intimate, they are rock and roll, they’re visual prose that gives both the writer and reader a highly personal experience of the story.

She's currently  working on a long form memoir that focuses on her experiences as a mother, a lover, and 90s church kid.  In her work, she reflects on coming of age inside the evangelical church and her subsequent reckoning with religious and spiritual ideas as an adult.

On this episode, just like in her comics, you will hear Stephanie's portrait of a continual pursuit to understand herself, her ideological inheritance, her relationships,  her God, and her place in this wild, strange, sacred world we all share.

You can find the Stephanie in these spaces:

Instagram:  @stephanie.stalvey.artist

Website:  www.stephaniestalvey.com

Patreon Community: www.patreon.com/stephaniestalvey

“God is like a fort, strong and secure with walls that are mighty and safe. Inside, there are hidden places to hold you when you’re scared or need a quiet place to rest.” What is God Like (Matthew Paul Turner & Rachel Held Evans)

The spunky and amazing Matthew Paul Turner is our guest this week on the podcast. Matthew is a dad of three, New York Time's best-selling children's author, and accomplished photographer and journalist.

Matthew's fiery, yet gentle spirit and his passion to help others belong to and be completely themselves and to understand the unconditional love of God is contagious.

On this episode, you will hear wild stories of burning Barbies and tears in parking lots, guns hidden in pulpits and unforeseen joy and healing. Matthew speaks of his long journey into deconstructing his faith, how his gift of writing children's books unfolded, and the gift of belonging that he has given to himself and now is pouring into others, especially his children.

You will find yourself laughing and crying all within moments of each other as you listen, but mostly you will find yourself, period.

Don't miss out!

You can find the Matthew in these spaces:

Instagram:  @matthewpaulturner

Facebook:  @matthewpaulturner

Website:  www.matthewpaulturner.com

Substack: @matthewpaulturner