Definitely First Blood

Aesthetics everywhere! This week we’re talking about DEADLY DREAMS! Directed by Kristine Peterson, written by Thom Babbes and starring Mitchell Anderson, Juliette Cummins, Thom Babbes and Xander Berkeley; this movie tells the story of Alex Torme as he’s plagued by nightmares of the man who shot his mother and father in front of him when he was 10. All is not how it seems though and we dip into some cliche territory pretty quick but the visuals and direction in this movie are fantastic!

Can you say psycho?! We sure can… and this week we’re talking unintentional sequel, Jim Wynorski’s SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE II! Big yikes on this one! SHM2 stars Gail Thackray, Stacia Zhivago, Michelle Verran and Dana Bentley as sorority sisters who buy the ‘Old Hockstatter Place’ where a guy killed his whole family(who are comprised of clips from Slumber Party Massacre). Very little of this movie makes any sense and it’s largely an excuse to get these women in as little clothing as possible for 60 minutes. That said, Linda had great final girl potential that’s undercut at every possible turn.

Blessed be the tree, this week we’re talking William Friedkin’s 1990 druidic horror, THE GUARDIAN! A yuppie couple played by Dwier Brown and Carey Lowell moves to Los Angeles, has a baby and hires a sinister baby-stealing, druid Nanny in Jenny Seagrove. This movie leaves a lot to unpack… how often does she steal these babies? Has this tree always been in Los Angeles? And, if so, why does the Nanny have an English accent? What exactly is the range of her magic powers? And most importantly, where is Kate throughout most of the movie?

Don’t you just love microwaves!? This week we talk about kinda dull, by-the-numbers slasher MOONSTALKER!!! Written and directed by Michael S. O’Rourke and starring Jill Foors, Pamela Ross, Ingrid Vold, Blake Gibbons and Alex Wexler this movie takes us to a snowy campground where killer Bernie knocks off a camping family and a group of forgettable camp counsellors at a wilderness training course. There’s a random heart attack, inexplicable continuity, chocolate cake, tents that are super close together but somehow nobody hears the others dying and a score that is almost, pretty much exactly Halloween! This movie is somewhat notable for starting the careers of AHS Director of Photography Michael Goi, Krampus composer Douglas Pipes and Big Little Lies costume supervisor Patricia McLaughlin!

This week’s flyer special is… murder! We’re talking about Scott Spiegel’s 1989 grocery store slasher INTRUDER! This grizzly gem stars Elizabeth Cox, Renee Estevez, Burr Steers, Sam Raimi & Ted Raimi as the night crew of a grocery store who are being picked off by a shadowy killer. With good death sequences, interesting camera work and likeable characters this is a pretty solid slasher. Plus, it has a Bruce Campbell cameo!

Do you hear that? Is it the jingle of a cemetery string of bells… or the jangle of spoOoOoOoky keys?! This episode we’re talking extremely middle-of-the-road slasher from 2005, VENOM! From director Jim Gillespie of I Know What You Did Last Summer, this swampy flick stars Agnes Bruckner, Meagan Good, Jonathan Jackson and Laura Ramsey as teens who are getting picked off by Ray Crawford, who was recently possessed by evil snakes. Are these teens the only people who live in this town? Why isn’t this movie about CeCe? What exactly is the scope of this guy’s strength? WHY WON’T YOU LET GO OF HER LEGS EDEN!? We’re left with so many questions!

Happy New Year! It’s 2020 and we’re kicking off the new decade with the LAST ONE STANDING STANDINGS! We narrow it down to 16 of the best and brightest Final Guys and Gals who appeared in horror films between 2000-2019 and pit them against each other until only one remains victorious!

There must’ve been some magic in that old top hat we found because ’tis the season and we’ve got a long one talking about Michael Cooney’s killer snowman flick JACK FROST!!!! When a truck filled with genetic engineering goo crashes into a truck transporting titular serial killer Jack Frost played by Scott MacDonald and turns him into an immortal snowman it’s up to Christopher Allport’s Snomonton(ugh) Sheriff Sam Tiler to save the day. Also in the picture are Sam’s dumbass son who tries to poison him with antifreeze, Shannon Elizabeth in her screen debut, and FBI agent with the most orange eyebrows and a classic mad scientist! It’s largely enjoyable but Christopher had some thoughts about some of the seedier aspects of the film. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

It’s officially 12 days until Christmas and we’re kicking things up a notch with Jeffrey Mandel’s bewildering, but oddly entertaining Christmas nazi incest film ELVES! This weird holiday horror stars Julie Austin as Kirsten, a girl who accidentally(?) summons an evil elf who wants to copulate with her to bring about the Fourth Reich and the end of the world. She enlists the help of Dan Haggerty of Grizzly Adams fame to help her out and all-the-while has to deal with her evil (but traumatized) mother and her rapist Father/Grandfather. It’s really wild!

We are back and ready for winter this week with Ryan Schifrin’s Rear Window meets Sasquatch/Bigfoot film ABOMINABLE! This movie is actually pretty good! It stars Matt McCoy as Preston Rogers a recently widowed man who returns to his home only to have to do battle with the Bigfoot and try and save the renters next door and features a tonne of genre actors like Jeffrey Combs, Tiffany Shepis, Dee Wallace and Lance Henriksen!