Welcome back, Trashlings! Today we're covering the penultimate week of Depp v. Heard. It’s a tik-tok trial and everyone’s taping and vaping!

Let's review...

3:35 An oft-forgotten tale from the 2016 MET Gala - Johnny Depp abandons both Amber Heard and Ralph Lauren on the red carpet. Elon swoops in. Molly finds unexpected Wedding inspo. What is this trial about, again?

7:00 Dueling testimony from ex-Depp-agents Tracey Jacobs & Christian Carino

10:20 Why is this being televised? Is Johnny’s team leaking doctored disinformation docs to #AmberTurd et al accounts? What’s the deal with the viral Jennifer Howell letter and where on earth is Jennifer Howell!?

12:00 Courtney Love chimes in. Is “believe all women” a faulty premise? Are women exempt from being classified as abusers? Has Amber perjured herself in the UK trial or does she really think “donating” money and “pledging” money are the same thing? 

16:33 Mutual abuse vs. reactive abuse vs. self-defense. If Amber loses this trial, what precedent does it set for survivors stories moving forward? Perhaps there actually is such a thing as bad press? 

23:30 The Eastern Columbia Building commune, body cam footage, and new testimony from Whitney Heard Henriquez and Rocky Pennington. The story of a casual ECB thanksgiving altercation among girlfriends. Modern day PSA: This trial is your brain on drugs 

34:00 Amber Heard’s acting coach testifies that that Amber has trouble crying when she’s acting. The identity politics of violence, collective accountability & the limitations of gender as a concept.

46:00 Louis CK's unhelpful re-emergence post-cancellation. Johnny Depp's self-imposed no-eye-contact order.

50:00 Before we adjourn: The secret beauty benefits of Arnica gel. Did Amber Heard get cheek implants? Julia Fox went to grocery store in her undies. Can Kim K make legal-chic a trend? Why did Sara get bullied at the office? Celebrities need to get day jobs for their own mental health. Internet memes call for people to be accountable for their IBS. The quickie astrology of Jesse Williams viral broadway dick pic. Britney's IG nudes.

Sorry it's up late -- Blame Mercury Retrograde!

Happy Gemini Season!

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