Disagree better

Disagree better

By Tammy LenskiSociety & Culture
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Disagree better episodes

  • Is the overconfidence effect sabotaging your communication?
    The overconfidence effect is a natural bias toward believing that we’re better at something than we actually are. The overconfidence effect can distort belief in the accuracy of a strong memory, estimations of how long it will take to get things done, judgment about our intelligence compared to others, and even the reliability of eyewitness accounts. It can sabotage communication during conflict, too.
    Show notes
    Lowest level of intervention first
    Do we ever really know our loved ones?
    Confirmation bias and dealing with difficult people
    Reflexive loops
    My favorite version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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    0 min
  • Is the overconfidence effect sabotaging your communication?

    The overconfidence effect is a natural bias toward believing that we’re better at something than we actually are. The overconfidence effect can distort belief in the accuracy of a strong memory, estimations of how long it will take to get things done, judgment about our intelligence compared to others, and even the reliability of eyewitness accounts. It can sabotage communication during conflict, too.

    Find the transcript with links here.

    To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.

    8 min
  • Is the overconfidence effect sabotaging your communication?

    The overconfidence effect is a natural bias toward believing that we’re better at something than we actually are. The overconfidence effect can distort belief in the accuracy of a strong memory, estimations of how long it will take to get things done, judgment about our intelligence compared to others, and even the reliability of eyewitness accounts. It can sabotage communication during conflict, too.



    I’m leading a mediation training and the participants are in a mediation roleplay. In one trio, I notice a man escalating the conflict. I walk over to watch what’s unfolding.



    The man is repeatedly interrupting the woman with whom he’s in conflict. Each time, the mediator scowls at the man. With each scowl from the mediator, the man seems to become bolder, increasing both the volume of his voice and the length of his interruption.



    I call a time out. I ask the mediator what he’s noticing.



    “His behavior,” he replies, gesturing toward the interrupting man, “is getting to be a real problem.”



    I would agree with you, I say to the mediator. What have you tried so far to address it?



    He replies that he’s been trying to follow my lowest level of intervention first rule of thumb. I ask what his low-level intervention has been and if he thinks it’s working.



    “Each time he’s interrupted, I’ve scowled at him to discourage the behavior. I don’t think it’s working, though. I may need to go up a level.”



    I ask if he thinks the interrupting man understood what he was conveying. “No question,” replies the mediator, “We made eye contact each time.”



    I ask the interrupting man if he’s noticed the scowls.



    “I sure have,” he replies. Then he gestures toward the woman. “But I thought the mediator was scowling because of the obnoxious things she was saying.”



    The signal sent, it becomes instantly clear, was not the signal received.







    A quick exercise



    In the following very brief audio, I’m tapping out the beginning of a famous song on my husband’s djembe. What song is it?





     Actor, director, and author Alan Alda does a similar exercise with the audience when he’s speaking about science and communication. A conflict resolution colleague wrote to tell me about seeing Alda conduct the casual experiment:



    He took a volunteer from the audience and asked her to select one of the three songs he had listed on his phone. He directed her, “Once you have the song in your head, please tap it out.” (Picture someone thumping on a podium to the melody in their head.)She went on for about a minute with what sounded to me a little like Morse code. Alan asked her, how confident are you that the audience will recognize this song? She offered 70%. So in her mind, 70% of the audience would correctly guess the song she tapped out. He asked the audience, “How many of you think you know this song?” About 50% raised their hands. He asked a few of them and each one was wrong.— Lora Barrett



    Lora went on to say that Alda typically sees signal senders with similar or stronger confidence that the audience will recognize the song. And many in the audience typically believe they know the song. But their confidence turns out to be disproportionate to realit...
    0 min
  • An effortless way to more accurately discern others’ emotions
    Being able to accurately discern someone’s emotional state is an essential conflict resolution skill. But even with both good will and skill, we have a fair chance of guessing wrong. Recent research suggests that when it comes to accurately figuring out what someone else is feeling, there’s one thing we can do that boosts our ability to get it right.
    Show notes
    The original research
    Quick summary of the research
    Want a transcript of this episode?
    Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive them automatically by email. Subscribe for free here.
    0 min
  • An effortless way to discern others’ emotions

    Being able to accurately discern someone’s emotional state is an essential conflict resolution skill. But even with both good will and skill, we have a fair chance of guessing wrong. Recent research suggests that when it comes to accurately figuring out what someone else is feeling, there’s one thing we can do that boosts our ability to get it right.

    Find the transcript with links here.

    To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.

    7 min
  • How to backpedal after saying the wrong thing
    When words come out of your mouth that you instantly regret, here are some ways to recover from your faux pas and minimize the impact of ill-chosen words.
    Show notes
    About trigger stacking
    Bad Tammy
    The time I cursed at a mediation client
    Want a transcript of this episode?
    Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive them automatically by email. Subscribe for free here.
    0 min
  • How to backpedal after saying the wrong thing

    When words come out of your mouth that you instantly regret, here are some ways to recover from your faux pas and minimize the impact of ill-chosen words.

    Find the transcript with links here.

    To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.

    5 min
  • Can this key ingredient protect your marriage from relationship conflict?

    Couples can have big fights, frequent conflict, and even bicker all the time and still have healthy, fulfilling, and lasting relationships. How so? Recent research suggests that one factor in particular plays an important role in protecting a couple from the negative effects of relationship conflict: How well you think your partner “gets” you.

    Find the transcript with links here.

    To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.

    7 min
  • The communication method that makes disagreements worse
    For almost two decades I’ve advised clients to avoid email and texting when tension grows in their important personal or business relationships. Is my advice still credible in an era permeated by technology? A new study offers updated insight.
    Show notes
    Allen Gannett’s “call me” experiment
    The humanizing voice: Speech reveals, and text conceals
    The difficulty of decoding email sender’s intention
    Want a transcript of this episode?
    Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive them automatically by email. Subscribe for free here.
    0 min

About Disagree better

From the publisher's feed

How we handle conflict has an impact on the resilience of our vital relationships, the caliber of our decisions, the success of our careers, and our peace of mind. Mediator, conflict resolution…

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