Disagree better

Disagree better

By Tammy LenskiSociety & Culture
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Disagree better episodes

  • How to show you’re really listening without interrupting

    Want to break the advice-giving habit but aren’t sure what to do instead? Want someone else to stop giving you unsolicited advice all the time? Here’s a good question to ask in those moments and a simple alternative to giving advice when what they really want is someone to listen.

    Find the transcript with links here.

    To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.

    3 min
  • The most influential reads of my year
    I read voraciously, a pile of books and articles monthly. Many are interesting and informative, but a few stand out because they influenced my thinking or behavior in a significant way. As I join others in looking back at 2016, here are the standouts that stuck with me and that I ve most frequently mentioned to others.
    Show notes
    David Whyte’s Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words
    Derek Siver’s Relax for the Same Result
    Tim Urban’s The Tail End
    Steven Pan’s The Interleaving Effect: Mixing It Up Boosts Learning
    Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman’s Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing
    dam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer’s Friend & Foe: When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both
    Shankar Vedantam’s Hidden Brain episode, When Great Minds Think Unlike: Inside Science’s “Replication Crisis”
    0 min
  • Weaving the narrative of a conflict
    Conflict takes root in the space between our narrative about what happened and theirs. One way to understand conflict resolution is as the act of weaving a new joint narrative, one that includes the most valuable threads in each story.
    Show notes
    Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
    Our mental models of conflict
    Reflexive loops
    The illusion of memory
    Conflict and identity (the focus of my second book)
    0 min
  • Weaving the narrative of a conflict

    Conflict takes root in the space between our narrative about what happened and theirs. One way to understand conflict resolution is as the act of weaving a new joint narrative, one that includes the most valuable threads in each story.

    Find the transcript with links here.

    To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.

    4 min
  • Calming someone down: What not to do
    I ve written that anger is a messenger that won t shut up until its message is heard and understood. But if the anger is so big or so loud you can t hear straight, there are things you can do to help someone calm down. And a few things you shouldn t do like these five missteps.
    Show notes
    The venting myth revisited
    Articles on de-escalating anger
    0 min
  • Want someone to calm down? Don’t do this

    I’ve written that anger is a messenger that won’t shut up until its message is heard and understood. But if the anger is so big or so loud you can’t hear straight, there are things you can do to help someone calm down. And a few things you shouldn’t do…like these five missteps.

    Find the transcript with links here.

    To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.

    5 min
  • How to ask questions: A mediator’s guide
    Watch a good mediator at work and you ll likely notice that good questions are her stock-in-trade. Watch a masterful negotiator and you ll see the same. If you want better conflict resolution results, learn how to ask questions that shift thinking and prompt fresh ideas.
    Show notes
    Source of Marty Cooper story (Amazon affiliate link)
    0 min
  • How to ask questions like a pro

    Watch a good mediator at work and you’ll likely notice that good questions are her stock-in-trade. Watch a masterful negotiator and you’ll see the same. If you want better conflict resolution results, learn how to ask questions that shift thinking and prompt fresh ideas.

    Find the transcript with links here.

    To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.

    8 min
  • Want more self-control during conflict?
    Conflict can rob you of two precious mental faculties useful for sorting things out: The ability to view the situation from the other person’s perspective and the ability to check your impulses. New research suggests that your future self can help you recapture those abilities.
    Show notes
    Psychological self-distancing techniques for self-management under stress
    0 min
  • Want more self-control during conflict? Try appealing to your future self

    Conflict can rob you of two precious mental faculties useful for sorting things out: The ability to view the situation from the other person’s perspective and the ability to check your impulses. New research suggests that your future self can help you recapture those abilities.

    Find the transcript with links here.

    To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.

    5 min

About Disagree better

From the publisher's feed

How we handle conflict has an impact on the resilience of our vital relationships, the caliber of our decisions, the success of our careers, and our peace of mind. Mediator, conflict resolution…

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