Disaster Tourists

The long drought is over! The Tourists are back and facing off against their deadliest foe yet: Moloch and his gross breath! Finally, all your burning questions are answered! Will they get there in time for Birgit to rescue her best son? Will Kang reveal his smouldering, passionate friendship to Birgit? And will Dewey and Zoobat finally kiss? Hey, and what's going on with that demon hatching out of Sile a dozen episodes back; is that relevant to anything, do you think? Can Harriet ever restore her karma after that unfortunate Skarl thing? And has Takeshi really turned over a new leaf since his days of blithely crossbowing kids? An entire year of pent-up suspense ends in nearly three wild, electrifying hours of fighting (representing like 2 minutes of real time). Join us for the frenzied suspense of forgetting how to play this game.

The Tourists charge headlong into a volcano in hot pursuit of Birgit’s best kid, who in a scandalous twist might actually be called Arden instead of Arlin. There, they find sundry fiends of various sturdinesses mixing up a witch’s brew of lava, bone, prisoners, and trace amounts of fecal matter, presumably in an effort to resurrect their dead god. Can the Tourists, their resources already severely depleted, rescue Birgit’s family and their sundry other missing friends and acquaintances, kill a risen fey lord, figure out what’s wrong with Kang, resolve the whole lost royal family of Skarl thing, free the slaves of the underworld, AND fulfill Takeshi’s commitment to start a chip import business—all in the next three-ish episodes? I mean, probably not.

On this golden jubilee episode, the Tourists do a Tremors onslaught on the mysterious netherworld mine and surprisingly find between 30 and 50% of what they were hoping for. Birgit goes into a momfrenzy. Kang loses a tug-of-war with zero consequences. Zoobat is a fave. Slicklips and Tamsey are almost definitely probably not there.

Dewey badly misunderstands the assignment as the Tourists finally get off the stupid airship and attempt a stealthy approach to the mine’s back door. Birgit is well-nigh unstoppable. Kang arranges a crime scene. A sweet domestic tableau is forever shattered, maybe.

In a cavern, in a canyon, on their waaaaay to a mine… the Tourists battle greater and lesser devils by the generous handful and Birgit takes to the stage with the sweet axe of rock god Finzu Hearthsong.

The Tourists hold an intervention to help Kang get past his sudden bout of spiciness and then continue their trek toward Shyar Skana. En route, they meet an old friend (?) who has a warning and a helpful piece of advice.

Stuff quickly jumps off on the flight to Shyar Skana, as a charming aerial view of the quaint Olde Abattoir is overshadowed by the unexpected return of the peppermint butlers and super upsetting vibes. Will the Tourists win a massive brawl, but still lose… (ominous chord) …one of their own?

Things get sorta metal when the Tourists go to the temple in Gorgibble to try to set up an escape route from what’s sure to be a smooth assault on Shyar Skana. Sure, Dewey gets a new name, and Birgit really loves her good good kids, but then our story takes a wildly unexpected turn as Kang touches some sort of exposed demon circuit and is suffused with FIRE BLOOD BONE KILL KILL KILL KILL THEM ALL

The Tourists go to a sex club and make a new buddy. Later, they reluctantly contribute to the endangerment of some Weckles.