Dismantling Dysfunction

It gets REALLY tiresome being around people who act like they have everything together and are above our normal, everyday human struggles, doesn't it? They do this even when everyone else is letting it all hang out and being vulnerable. These same people can't seem to stop with the insights the profound comments and try to enlighten everyone rather than just being human with them. Dear readers and listeners, we introduce you to the Compromising Codependents!

Compromisers adopt a detached approach with people, sometimes treating others as though they were specimens to be inspected and critiqued. This type of scrutinizing makes them seem arrogant and haughty. And while this is a submissive codependent approach to relationships, it really does make them seem like they are above others or more dominant. Their desire to figure people out so they can serve their development needs is often misinterpreted.

In reality, Compromisers prefer their Utopian inner worlds (we call it Utopian Palace) because they can't bear being human and deal with the mundane realities of life. Their sense of being above all the messy, distressing aspects of being human and in relationships cause them to live in lonely isolation, not knowing how to bridge the gap between how they see people and themselves and reality.

In today's episode, we finish our series of the 8 Codependent Strategies used in relationships, deep diving into the Compromising Codependent Dysfunction. We talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many stories and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen!

If you want to know more about our work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:25] Episode Introduction
• [03:26] What Is the Compromising Codependent Dysfunction?
• [13:19] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [27:04] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [39:33] Episode Gem
• [41:20] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• The power dynamic with the Compromiser is that they figure out what someone else needs to be happy and then put their needs ahead of their own, becoming what others want them to be. Those using this strategy project their power onto others, abandoning their own agenda because they believe others' goals, objectives or ideas are better or more worthy of their time.
• Compromisers fear they will lose something if they don't side with, placate, or give in to the desires of others. So, on the one hand, they are perceived as arrogant and superior, while on the other hand, they see themselves as soft, weak and malleable.
• Compromising Codependents find it difficult when they have to share their emotions or reveal too much personal information about themselves. They can find it challenging and exhausting to be with a partner or friend who wants them to open up and share intimate details about their emotional life when they might not be in touch with them.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Compromising Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

If you have ever had that annoying conversation where you say, "Where should we go for dinner?" and your partner or friend responds, "I don't really care, wherever you pick," you'll relate with how frustrating it is to be in relationship with someone who uses the Complying Codependent strategy. These Compliers have a nasty habit of making you the boss, whether you want to be or not by always deferring to what you want and not initiating. But it's not that they have to. They believe they are doing it because you want them to!

Those who use the Complying Codependent strategy have a greater need to be useful than to relate to others. Compliers see themselves lower on the social hierarchy than their partner or others in their lives. They wait to be told what to do so they can comply, make sure they do things correctly and never get in trouble. They can always be sure they're doing the right thing if someone else tells them what to do. This approach to relationships means they can maintain the comfort of their "inner cave" where they are safe from rejection, abandonment, and disapproval.

In our 50th episode (what a milestone!), we continue our series of the four Submissive Codependent Strategies used in relationships, deep diving into the Complying Codependent Dysfunction. We talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen!

If you want to know more about our work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:02] Episode Introduction
• [03:03] What Is the Complying Codependent Dysfunction?
• [12:32] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [25:36] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [42:07] Episode Gem
• [44:00] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Complying Codependents defer to others to avoid conflict or end a discussion that might lead to conflict, having conversations that are superficial or task oriented. Anyone looking for an equal partnership or collaboration with someone who uses this strategy will run into a lot of relationship issues.
• The emotional expression of others is perceived as a threat to the Complying Codependent. They find emotions to be unpredictable, unnecessary, and anxiety-producing. They prefer everyone to interact in a logical, pragmatic fashion without messy emotions that create so much distress for them. Believing emotions are problems to be solved, they don't know how to be useful if their partner is upset as nothing is broken that needs fixing.
• Complying Codependents are often accused by others of not caring. Whether at work or at home, they can appear to be in a holding pattern waiting for something to happen or for someone to tell them what to do. Complying codependents aren't always sure what to talk about and are often unable to tolerate even simple personal conversations or conversations where there is brainstorming or problem-solving.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Complying Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

It's not uncommon for certain personalities to believe they are the smartest person in the room. But being in a relationship with someone like this is exhausting. Not surprising, those in a relationship with a Dismissing Codependent become fatigued by their arrogance, condescension and superiority. And when they try to confront it, well, the Dismissing Codependent simply disappears behind their wall, unreachable and untouchable making their partner even more furious.

Dismissive Codependents create psychological safety for themselves by acting independently within their relationships. These people want to be left alone to do their own thing and are afraid that if they engage too much with people, they will get bogged down unnecessarily. They keep themselves emotionally isolated for fear of being hurt, rejected or devalued. While the Dismissing Codependent wants to be in a relationship, they don't share themselves with their partner, nor demonstrate any interest in what their partner wants to share, which can lead to resentment and further relationship problems.

In this episode, we continue our series of the four Submissive Codependent Strategies used in relationships, deep diving into the Dismissing Codependent Dysfunction. We talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Sign up for our newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:08] Episode Introduction
• [03:12] What Is the Dismissive Codependent Dysfunction?
• [13:38] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [28:15] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [45:30] Episode Gem
• [46:54] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Dismissive Codependents primary relationship is the pursuit of knowledge and expertise with relationships taking second place. They spend more time in their inner world than in the external where we, of course, engage with and relate to others. They don't see the point of putting energy into relationships in an area where they don't feel competent.
• Feeling incompetent frustrates their need to be knowledgeable which means that if they are asked about their feelings, they immediately go behind their wall, adopting an indifferent, aloof persona that uses dismissing tactics to communicate to the other person, they are not at all interested in this topic. Others feel shut down, dismissed and confused about their reactions.
• The Dismissive Codependent has an aura of arrogance that makes getting close to them seem improbable. They are detached, act superior, and are argumentative for no other reason but to stop others from expressing feelings or to keep them at a distance. They express their negative opinions about the ideas of others directly and, at times, forcefully.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Dismissing Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

How do you react when your friend or partner starts a conversation with: "You won't believe how stupid I am"? Trust us, we've been there too, and our first reaction is to jump in and affirm them that they are great, intelligent, wonderful and definitely not stupid. Negative self-talk is one of the most common strategies of people who suffer from the Devaluing Codependent Dysfunction.

This disarming strategy has a way of triggering a desire to protect those who use it from themselves. As we contradict their negative descriptions of themselves, we find ourselves arguing for them while they disparage themselves. Friends or family members who use this tactic cause us to stop expecting much from them and cause us to do things to make them feel better. It's like they can't help themselves from constantly comparing themselves and coming up short.

In this episode, we start our series of the four Submissive Codependent Strategies used in relationships, starting with a deep dive into the Devaluing Codependent Dysfunction. We talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Sign up for our newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:22] Episode Introduction
• [03:23] What Is the Devaluing Codependent Dysfunction?
• [13:53] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [27:09] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [40:51] Episode Gem
• [41:59] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Devaluing Codependents are on a perpetual quest to discover what's wrong with them to explain why they think so little of themselves. Exploring their faults in minute detail seems more compelling to them than building self-awareness and confidence. They're more likely to get down on themselves for not being confident than to use affirmations to build confidence. The search for their fatal flaw absorbs them, as do all their perceived imperfections and inadequacies.
• People who use the Devaluing Codependent Strategy expect others to contradict them and tell them they are better than how they are describing themselves. When they present a devalued version of themselves it's automatic that one would jump in and try to get them to see themselves realistically. But their power is in getting others to take care of them and do things for them that they say they are incapable of doing.
• Devaluing Codependents have little tolerance for anxiety and interpersonal tension and avoid situations that are likely to cause it. They feel victimized by the demands of others, believing that others expect too much of them when they perceive themselves as always doing for and giving to others.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Devaluing Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

We all like to place blame for things that go wrong in our lives – the public transit being late on your morning commute, your employee who didn't finish a report in time, a partner that doesn't pull their weight in the relationship, and sometimes… even ourselves. If you use the Personalizing Codependent Strategy, "it must have something to do with me!" is likely your daily mantra.

Personalizing Codependents act as though they are to blame for EVERYTHING that goes on even when they have little (or nothing!) to do with the situation. It's also a way of making things about them to gain attention and shift the focus to them. It's an automatic process of self-referring they do so that somehow, everything must be about them, even if it means taking the blame for something they were minutely involved with.

You must be assertive to get yourself in a conversation with the Personalizing Codependent as they have the habit of hijacking conversations, taking center stage. They have an enormous talent for taking anything you have to say and making it about them. They can even stop others from bringing things up for fear the Personalizing Codependent will suddenly put themselves in the starring role of your show.

In our first episode of 2023, we explore the Personalizing Codependent Dysfunction, talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen.

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Sign up for our newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:39] Episode Introduction
• [02:42] What Is the Personalizing Codependent Dysfunction?
• [17:30] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [28:05] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [44:02] Episode Gem
• [45:19] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Personalizing Codependents blame themselves for something that was caused by another person, or something that was otherwise completely outside their control. They will also take credit when they only have a minor role. They distill everything down to themselves being at the center of the issue or conversation.
• However, when something is their fault, they don't take responsibility and will blame others. Instead of owning their errors, they accuse others of being confrontational. Rather than listening to what the issue is, they focus on how they feel (embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed) and blame the other person for making them feel bad. If someone shares a success with them, they can quickly pass it over and move on to something more interesting. Themselves.
• People who use Personalizing Codependent Dysfunction cause their partners to doubt themselves and their experience. They are quick to jump in, revise the story, gaslight, or use other tactics to make others pay attention to them. Over-apologizing for little things to make others feel sorry for them ensures others pay them attention.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Personalizing Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

"OMG, I hate this time of year. The gift giving is so stressful, I never have enough time to prepare properly, my family is insane, and I feel like such a disappointment! HELP!". If you have a holiday script like the one above, you are likely on your way to creating anxiety and misery for yourself. Winding ourselves up with "not enough" thoughts and "I'm so stressed" exclamations every 15 minutes is a formula for unhappiness during the season and depression come January.

BUT WAIT… it doesn't have to be like that!

As we mentioned in Episode 45, Part 1 of our Holiday Special (if you haven't had a chance to listen to it, make sure you check it out here), the holiday season has a way of triggering codependent patterns of behaviors that seem to arise out of nowhere, changing us from our regular successful and competent adults to emotionally turbulent teens. We forget about the intention of the season and begin to strive to meet the expectations and needs of others, losing ourselves in what we should be doing, rather than doing what we want to do. The good news is, it is possible to change your internal holiday script and have a wonderful festive season despite the triggers we face.

In today's episode, we continue navigating the intricacies of the holiday season and arm you with some tips and tricks you can use to prevent codependent behavior patterns from spoiling your holiday season. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:29] Episode Introduction
• [02:27] Why Holiday Season Triggers Self-Protective Behaviors: Recap
• [07:04] How to Avoid Codependent Holiday Season
• [25:04] Episode Gem
• [26:56] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Like it or not, your buttons are your sensitivities, and you have to stop blaming the button pusher. These triggers reveal your insecurity, fear, low self-esteem, or unmet needs. Just because a family member is out of line doesn't mean you have to react to them. Their behavior is usually motivated by what they want to feel and sometimes has nothing to do with us.
• Remind yourself not to get pulled into drama. Don't let your emotional reaction add fuel to the fire. The less energy you put into caretaking the feelings of others when they act out, the better you will feel. If you go into the mediator role, you will adapt, and possibility disappear into coping strategies, likely drinking and eating.
• The season is meant to be fun, not something to hate. And while it can be easy to get wrapped up in all the logistics the season requires, constantly ticking things off to-do lists, don't lose yourself and what your goal is. You want to enjoy, to celebrate, not to be the Grinch. Remember all the things you enjoy doing and notice when you are saying "I'm too old, or it's too cold."
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the codependent behaviors, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

Snow is falling, the fireplace is crackling, and the turkey is slowly roasting in the oven while you sip from your mug of hot chocolate, surrounded by your loving family. Idyllic, isn't it? We wish! In reality, most of us get overwhelmed the minute we arrive at family gatherings: we overeat, overdrink, and spend time trying to get the approval and love that we never quite feel we got as children. There is nothing like family with all its unresolved conflicts and unrealized expectations to hijack our brains.

The holiday season has a way of triggering codependent patterns of behaviors that seem to arise out of nowhere, changing us from our regular successful and competent adults to emotionally turbulent teens. This season has a way of pressing buttons that enliven codependent patterns of behavior embedded in our nervous system. Chances are you are like so many other people who are caught up with one foot in the Codependent Stage of Development and the other as an Interdependent functioning adult. So, the question is, will you go into survival patterns this holiday season and have a codependent family event, or will you decide the kind of holiday season you want and make it happen?

In today's episode, we navigate the intricacies of the holiday season, family gatherings and why our brains default to survival mode instead of allowing us to celebrate the joyous holidays and enjoy time spent with our loved ones.

Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:50] Episode Introduction
• [02:41] Why Holiday Season Triggers Self-Protective Behaviors
• [14:46] Common Codependent Strategies We Use
• [35:44] Episode Gem
• [37:11] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• While for many people the holidays represent a time for fun, family and much merriment, for many, it is a time of simply surviving the season. We forget about the intention of the season and begin to strive to meet the expectations and needs of others, losing ourselves in what we should be doing, rather than doing what we want to do.
• The holiday season has a way of triggering Imposter Syndrome behaviors that seem to arise out of nowhere, changing us from competent adults to being driven by fears. We become anxious about everything from not giving good enough gifts to reverting to our childhood role in the family, pressing buttons that enliven automatic negative thoughts and behavior embedded in our nervous system.
• Just as we have roles in our family of origin, we have some predictable patterns of behavior that emerge at Christmas time because of both nature and nurture. Whatever our strategy for getting attention, love or approval, we are trying to meet the unmet needs of childhood or operating on automatic pilot instead of being a grounded and confident adult.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the codependent behaviors, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

Have you noticed how often people tell you your problem is insignificant because it's a first world problem? Maybe others say this to you or you're thinking – OMG, I say that all the time. Without realizing it, we are invalidating the experiences of others or having our feelings invalidated when we are seeking empathy. It's called emotional invalidation and we use it when we can't tolerate what we or others are feeling.

Most of us can recall a time when we've said to our partner, child, or employee "You're making a big deal out of nothing. You're just too sensitive." If we haven't said it, for sure there have been times when we thought it. This is situational invalidation, an off the cuff comment when we can't relate to or pull any empathy out for the person talking.

The difference between a normal, situational invalidating that we all do from time to time and the behavior of the Invalidating Codependent is the latter does it all the time. This allows them to keep and maintain their dominant position in their relationships. These people act like they have a "no feeling" zone that disallows the any opinions, feelings, and ideas that differ from their own. They send a message that your emotions aren't welcome, real or valid and that you just need to grow up if you want to be in a relationship with them.

In today's episode, we explore the Invalidating Codependent Dysfunction, talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy that begins in our childhood. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients') and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction that you can start implementing today. You might recognize yourself, your partner or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:44] Episode Introduction
• [02:43] What Is the Invalidating Codependent Dysfunction?
• [08:20] Behaviors of the Invalidating Codependent Strategy
• [16:26] Tips for Dismantling the Invalidating Codependent Strategy
• [35:11] Episode Gem
• [36:52] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Invalidating Codependents consider emotions as signs of weakness and judge themselves and others for their feelings. They stamp out perceived weaknesses in those around them, so they never have to feel anything.
• Invalidating Codependent relationships where one person constantly invalidates the emotion of the other can be extremely difficult to endure. If the person emotionally invalidating the other doesn't accept responsibility for what they have done, the couples end up in breakups or very dysfunctional relationships.
• Dealing with an Invalidating Codependent requires you to name their behavior. Don't resort to your own defensive strategies, instead name clearly what you perceive is happening. Becoming emotional or stating more feelings leaves you open to further invalidation.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Invalidating Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

"I don't know what my family would do without me. I cook, clean, organize and make sure everyone gets out of the house on time. I find interesting articles that I know each of my kids and partner needs to read because if I didn't, why they wouldn't have a clue about themselves, how to behave, or what's going on in the world. The other day, I had to remind my son who is 25 years old to take the lunch I made him to work. I was late for my first client and tried to make it up to them by giving them longer than they were scheduled for, which I hope they appreciated because they never said anything."

This is a typical morning in the life of a Caretaking Codependent. Not a thought about themselves, only about what others need and how they go out of their way to make sure no one suffers any consequences but them. They offer advice to others whether it is asked for or not and are upset when others don't take it. They form relationships and friendships with people who are struggling in some way, taking the more dominant position. They become anxious should others show independence from them. Sad, but true, these people run themselves into the ground never receiving the appreciation their efforts warrant.

In today's episode, we will recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling the Caretaking Dysfunction used in codependent relationships that you can start implementing today. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:46] Episode Introduction
• [02:44] What Is the Caretaking Codependent Dysfunction?
• [07:03] Behaviors of the Caretaking Codependent Strategy
• [21:02] Tips for Dismantling the Caretaking Codependent Strategy
• [31:32] Episode Gem
• [33:01] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Caretaking means that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself, your money, time, and energy. While It's normal and natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, codependents have their own agenda for helping over and above the needs of others. They need to be needed. In fact, they might feel rejected if another person doesn't want help or goes to someone else for advice.
• Caretaking Codependents use a variety of tactics to ensure they others depend on them. They are social leaders who makes sure everyone eats, dresses, and keeps their room the way they want them to, because they do everything for them. It meets their need to have everyone conform and to have everyone connected, even if they have to do all the work themselves.
• The biggest resistance you will face when dismantling this dysfunction is the feeling you are abandoning others. But it's you that decided others couldn't make it without your help and it makes you anxious to see if it was actually true. If you don't stop caretaking, you won't find out that you were wrong, and that you must look at the fears and underlying anxieties that have caused you to needlessly prioritize others.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Caretaking Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

Did you know that the bossy, selfish friend or partner you always complain about is likely codependent? If you answered no, you aren't alone. People who use dominant codependent behaviours, especially controlling behaviors, look the same and act the same as narcissistic people at times. That's because we don't give them the same empathy or compassion as "nice" submissive codependents. Instead, most people react to them by vilifying them and complaining to friends and family members about them and how powerless they are to do anything about their behavior.

People who use the Controlling Codependent Strategy don't always know they are being bossy or offensive. Like others who are codependent they need to be in control, and their way of getting that need met is by making everyone around them aligns with their agenda. When others are being submissive towards them, it empowers the Controlling Codependent person and reassures them that others need and depend on them. This unconscious dynamic ultimately leads to relationship breakups, children failing to launch, and unhappiness in all parties to name just a few of the consequences of this strategy.

In today's episode, we will recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling on the Dominant Strategies used in codependent relationships that you can start implementing today. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Tired of feeling and thinking like you are 'not enough'? Pick up your copy of Power Past the Imposter Syndrome.

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:01] Episode Introduction
• [03:04] What Is the Controlling Codependent Dysfunction?
• [10:51] Behaviors of the Controlling Codependent Strategy
• [30:14] Tips for Dismantling the Controlling Codependent Strategy
• [44:13] Episode Gem
• [45:59] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Controlling Codependents are frequently seen as "control freaks" or "micromanagers."They overpower and take charge in such a way that it shuts down everyone around them. They don't ask others what they want and make decisions based on what they believe is right and just expect others to follow. They create fear, obedience, and submission rather than collaboration and partnership.
• Controlling Codependents feel the need to be the ones who define the rules of conduct and behavior for the relationship. These people demonstrate an air of superiority as though they have been chosen to enlighten others. They don't just inform others, they talk down to them, making sure the other person is punished for opposing them or presenting another idea.
• Controlling Codependent people need to develop the capacity to use their right brain, the relational side of the brain. Softening their approach, asking instead of telling, sharing their feelings, and learning to empathize with others are all aspects of the next stage of development. While it may be anxiety-producing to not be in control, opening up and trusting the people you love is critical.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Controlling Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.