Disney Dunces

Alright boys and goils, let's all hop in the time trolley and take a trip to old New York - I’m talking 1899. A simpler time when the news was printed on paper, child labor was rampant, and no one had nothin' better to do but to sing about it. Please keep all hands and feet inside the trolley and try not to get soaked, whatever that happens to mean in the context of this film. It’s Newsies!

Hold on, this can’t be right, these cry alert readings are off the chart! Let’s see... says here this week's episode covers an untold true story involving the harsh conditions of the Alaskan tundra, terminally ill children, and one very brave dog who gives his all to save them. Oh no, and there’s no Cuba Gooding Jr. in sight! That settles it, you’d have to be a monster to not cry while watching this one. It’s Togo, The Now Told True Story!

Hold on, this can’t be right, these cry alert readings are off the chart! Let’s see... says here this week's episode covers an untold true story involving the harsh conditions of the Alaskan tundra, terminally ill children, and one very brave dog who gives his all to save them. Oh no, and there’s no Cuba Gooding Jr. in sight! That settles it, you’d have to be a monster to not cry while watching this one. It’s Togo, The Now Told True Story!

So this is Christmas, and my god, Ms. Kringle, what have you done? Another year over, and a new crisis has begun - but don’t worry, the Dunces are here to cover this tragedy and two others that have definitely totally happened for like realsies. It's a Christmas special like every other Christmas special that has come before it, not to mention, the most progressive DPOM to date, it's Noelle!

So this is Christmas, and my god, Ms. Kringle, what have you done? Another year over, and a new crisis has begun - but don’t worry, the Dunces are here to cover this tragedy and two others that have definitely totally happened for like realsies. It's a Christmas special like every other Christmas special that has come before it, not to mention, the most progressive DPOM to date, it's Noelle!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… three dunces got together in order to needlessly summarize the first/fourth installment of what is perhaps the most iconic film franchise of all time. To which they then double down on the needlessness of it all by attempting to summarize the episode summarizing the first/fourth installment of what is perhaps the most iconic film franchise of all tim It’s Disney Dunces Episode XXXV: Star Wars: Episode IV - A new Hope! 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… three dunces got together in order to needlessly summarize the first/fourth installment of what is perhaps the most iconic film franchise of all time. To which they then double down on the needlessness of it all by attempting to summarize the episode summarizing the first/fourth installment of what is perhaps the most iconic film franchise of all tim It’s Disney Dunces Episode XXXV: Star Wars: Episode IV - A new Hope! 

Alright, everyone. Get ready to scrap those smart cars and trash those smart phones because the next step in the electronic revolution is finally here! Introducing the Smart House, with its patented floor sucking technology, smoothie making prowess, and overwhelming desire to satisfy your every need - even mothers are a thing of the past! That’s right, this baby cooks for you, cleans for you, and will help you seduce any eighth grade girl within a twelve mile radius, goddess or otherwise. The only thing it can’t seem to do is fucking relax.

Alright, everyone. Get ready to scrap those smart cars and trash those smart phones because the next step in the electronic revolution is finally here! Introducing the Smart House, with its patented floor sucking technology, smoothie making prowess, and overwhelming desire to satisfy your every need - even mothers are a thing of the past! That’s right, this baby cooks for you, cleans for you, and will help you seduce any eighth grade girl within a twelve mile radius, goddess or otherwise. The only thing it can’t seem to do is fucking relax.

It used to be that when Disney felt like releasing a subpar sequel to one of its animated hits, they’d have the courtesy of just farting it out on Disney VHS and DVD so that you could enjoy it from the comfort of your own home. But I guess when you give those films an actual budget and keep the original cast, they start to expect people to pay the full price of admission to make up the difference. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Disney's Frozen II.