If you’re divorcing a member of the military or you’re a servicemember yourself, there are a number of complexities around the process that make it different from a civilian divorce. So, what are the special considerations associated with military divorce?

John P. Cannon is the founder of Cannon & Associates, an Oklahoma City firm with expertise in military divorce and criminal defense. He is also a Judge Advocate in the Oklahoma National Guard, advising and representing Soldiers in matters of adoption, divorce and child custody. A former assistant district attorney, public defender and assistant attorney general, John serves as a fierce advocate for families and freedom.

On this episode, John joins Katherine to discuss how military divorce differs from non-military divorce and why servicemembers with substantial combat experience are more likely to divorce. He explains how to assess the income potential of a servicemember for spousal support and what the Frozen Benefit Rule means for former military spouses. Listen in for insight on calculating pension benefits, maintaining rights to the Survivor Benefit Plan, and understanding who’s eligible for military health insurance.

Topics Covered

How military divorce differs from non-military divorce

Determining income potential for spousal support

The special rules re: jurisdiction in a military divorce

How military divorce rates compare to the general population

What the Frozen Benefit Rule means for former spouses

Why it’s crucial to follow the rules in The NDAA of 2017

Maintaining your rights to the Survivor Benefit Plan

When you allowed make changes to a spousal agreement

The formula for determining pension benefits

How long former/surviving spouses are entitled to TRICARE

Connect with John P. Cannon

Cannon & Associates: https://jpcannonlawfirm.com/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Pennoyer v. Neff: https://jpcannonlawfirm.com/

Frozen Benefit Rule: https://jpcannonlawfirm.com/2019/11/frozen-benefit/

National Defense Authorization Act of 2017: https://www.congress.gov/bill/114th-congress/senate-bill/2943/text

DFAS: https://www.usa.gov/federal-agencies/defense-finance-and-accounting-service

How do you reclaim your power after a divorce—especially if the breakup wasn’t your decision? It starts with making yourself a priority and getting the support necessary to step out of your role as a victim. And if you’re willing to explore your trauma and do the work necessary to heal, the reward is an opportunity to contribute your best self to the world.

Denise LaRue is the trauma-informed life coach behind Denise LaRue Coaching, a practice dedicated to helping women reclaim their power and pursue life on their terms. After 15 years spent climbing the corporate ladder, Denise realized that something was missing. That’s when she traded in the golden handcuffs for a life of freedom and fulfillment. Today, Denise leverages her personal experiences to help clients navigate seasons of change, get unstuck and create their own purpose-filled life.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Denise joins Katherine to discuss her role as a trauma-informed life coach, explaining how our childhood experiences shape the adults we become. She addresses how to take ownership of your contribution to the breakup of a relationship and give yourself the healing gift of forgiveness. Listen in for Denise’s insight on taking back your power in the aftermath of a divorce you didn’t choose and learn to make yourself a priority on the journey to living your best life.

Topics Covered

Denise’s role as a trauma-informed life coach

How childhood trauma shapes the adult you become

The panic attack that inspired Denise to walk away from her corporate job

Taking back your power in the aftermath of a divorce you didn’t choose

Why you owe it to the world to make yourself a priority

How Denise’s view of forgiving her ex shifted

The powerful exercise Denise uses to help clients forgive

Taking ownership for your contribution to the breakup of a relationship

Denise’s advice on being led by your intuition

Exploring your past for clues re: your purpose in the world

Connect with Denise LaRue

Denise LaRue Coaching: https://deniselaruecoaching.com/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

The early stages of a relationship with a narcissist feel perfect. They are charming and charismatic and make you feel like you’re a part of something bigger than yourself. But when something seems too good to be true, it usually is. And without fail, being with a narcissist evolves into a situation where you’re always trying to please and everything is your fault. So, how do you take the first steps to leave a narcissist? And how do you take care of yourself in the divorce process?

Lisa Cheatham is a Transformational Life Coach who works with high-achieving women recovering from toxic relationships. She is on a mission to inspire and empower women transitioning through divorce, helping them step into their power and get their life back. Lisa leverages her personal experience with narcissistic abuse to support others in cultivating the confidence and unshakable self-love necessary to move forward and rebuild their lives.

On this episode, Lisa joins Katherine to explain what a relationship with a narcissist looks like and share the characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder. She describes how a relationship with a narcissist changes over time, why it takes longer to recover from a breakup with a narcissist, and how a narcissist’s lack of empathy presents in the divorce process. Listen in for insight on maintaining a positive relationship with your kids when they’re being manipulated by your ex and learn how to navigate the difficult process of divorcing a narcissist.

Topics Covered

How to know if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist

The characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder

• Need constant attention and praise

• Sense of self-importance and entitlement

• Lack empathy and view people as objects

How a relationship with a narcissist changes over time

How narcissists exercise control over their partners

How long it takes to recover from a breakup with a narcissist

How a narcissist will do anything to save face in divorce

The challenges around coparenting with a narcissist

How to deal with the process of divorcing a narcissist

• Develop self-care regimen

• Set firm and loving boundaries

• Foster forgiveness

• Block as much contact as possible

Lisa’s personal experience being married to a narcissist

What to do when your kids are being manipulated

Setting up a support system when you leave a narcissist

Connect with Lisa Cheatham

Lisa on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-cheatham-635127191/

Lisa on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pg/LisaCheathamLC/about/

Email [email protected]

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Forgiveness is hard, especially in the aftermath of a divorce. We don’t want to let our ex ‘get away with’ what they did to hurt us. But most of us realize that carrying resentment, anger and bitterness doesn’t benefit us in any way. So, how can we begin to let go of our negative emotions and forgive a former partner?

Commonwealth Professor Emeritus Dr. Everett Worthington is a leader in the field of forgiveness research, religion and spirituality in clinical practice, and the hope-focused approach to marriage and family counseling. His interest in forgiveness began in the mid-1980’s when he was counseling couples professionally, and he started studying the topic scientifically in 1990. Dr. Worthington is the author of 30-plus books and more than 350 academic articles and chapters on the subject, and he is on a mission to promote forgiveness in every willing heart, home and homeland.

On this episode, Dr. Worthington joins Katherine to explain why our drive for fairness and justice makes it difficult to forgive and walk us through several strategies for lessening the injustice gap. He weighs in on the two types of forgiveness, discussing how to gradually lessen our negative emotions toward an ex we must continue to interact with. Listen in to understand Dr. Worthington’s academic and personal motives to study forgiveness and learn to leverage his REACH Model to forgive someone who’s hurt you.

Topics Covered

The conflict between our desire to forgive and drive for justice

Dr. Worthington’s take on forgiveness happening ‘inside one person’s skin’

Strategies for lessening the injustice gap

Accept and distance self emotionally

Turn over to God

Forbearance (choose not to engage)

Forgiveness

Dr. Worthington’s insight around the two types of forgiveness

Decision to treat as human being

Gradual lessening of negative emotions

The factors that influence how long it takes us to forgive

Dr. Worthington’s advice on limiting contact with an ex to avoid reinjury

How Dr. Worthington’s work with couples inspired his study of forgiveness

The personal tragedy that inspired Dr. Worthington’s life mission

The REACH Forgiveness Model + DIY workbook for learning forgiveness

Connect with Dr. Everett Worthington

Dr. Worthington’s Website: http://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/

Dr. Worthington on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/everett.worthington

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Professor Michael McCullough: https://www.facebook.com/everett.worthington

Dr. Worthington’s DIY Workbooks on Forgiveness: http://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/diy-workbooks

Communicating with an ex is ripe with triggers, and it’s easy to get overwhelmed by our emotions and react in a volatile way that we’re not proud of after the fact. But there are mindfulness tools to help us pause in the moment, observe what we’re feeling, and respond in a skillful way.

Joree Rose is the licensed marriage and family therapist behind the Bay Area Mindfulness and Therapy Center, a practice that offers mindfulness and meditation classes as well as private therapy for individuals and couples. She is also the host of Journey Forward with Joree Rose and the author of Squirmy Learns to be Mindful and Mindfulness, It’s Elementary. Joree leads mindfulness retreats around world, and her work has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Inc. Magazine and mindbodygreen, among many other media outlets.

On this episode, Joree joins Katherine to discuss how mindfulness can help us respond rather than react in the divorce process. She shares her practical approach to starting a simple meditation practice and explains how she leveraged mindfulness tools like naming your emotions to navigate her own divorce. Listen in for Joree’s insight around using the breath or external grounding when you’re triggered and learn to choose a skillful response rooted in compassion for yourself—and your ex.

Topics Covered

How mindfulness helps us respond rather than react to conflict

How deep breaths afford us access to our executive function

How naming her emotions helped Joree navigate her own divorce

Joree’s practical approach to getting started with meditation

The STOP acronym for learning to practice mindfulness

The myths around what it means to meditate successfully

Joree’s boundaries re: communication in the divorce process

Why you’re not responsible for managing other’s emotions

Reframing the message behind what your inner critic tells you

How to leverage external grounding to return to the moment

Using a mantra to cultivate self-compassion during a divorce

Connect with Joree Rose

Joree’s Website: https://joreerose.com/

Joree on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joreerose/?hl=en

Joree on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joreerose33/

Journey Forward with Joree Rose: https://joreerose.com/podcast/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Squirmy Learns to Be Mindful by Joree Rose: https://joreerose.com/podcast/

Mindfulness, It’s Elementary by Joree Rose: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Its-Elementary-Joree-Rose/dp/1598502220/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1580235668&refinements=p_27%3AJoree+Rose&s=books&sr=1-1&text=Joree+Rose

Divorce is difficult enough. But if you’ve been married for many years and your identity is wrapped up in your role as a partner and parent, the process can be even more fraught. What makes midlife divorce particularly challenging? And how do you move on from a relationship that defined you for so long?

Fiona Eckersley is the Confidence Coach and Divorce Recovery Expert behind Find Your Fabulous, a coaching practice that helps women in their forties and beyond heal after divorce. She is also the creator of the Fabulous and Thriving Midlife Divorce Program and author of the Amazon bestseller Fearful to Fabulous: Unlock Your Power, Move On, and Thrive After Midlife Divorce.

On this episode, Fiona joins Katherine to discuss the particular challenges associated with midlife divorce. She explains what it means to unlock your power in the aftermath of divorce, offering strategies for quieting negative self-talk and recognizing the truth of who you really are. Listen in for Fiona’s 7-step process for moving on after midlife divorce and learn why it’s crucial to do the inner work before you repartner.

Topics Covered

The particular challenges that come with midlife divorce

What it means to unlock your power after a divorce

Quieting negative self-talk with the truth of who you really are

How Fiona’s experience with midlife divorce informs her work

What Fiona did to build a support system after divorce

The destructive coping mechanisms Fiona sees in her work

Fiona’s 7-step process for moving on after midlife divorce

Stop focusing on what life was supposed to be

Face the financial realities

Eliminate bad habits

Release anger and reframe emotions

Replace negative self-talk with positive dialogue

Examine how relationships have changed

Establish goals and create a pathway

Why it’s crucial to do the inner work before we repartner

Connect with Fiona Eckersley

Find Your Fabulous: https://findfabulouswithfiona.com/

Email [email protected]

Schedule a Call with Fiona: https://callfabfiona.as.me/schedule.php

Free Download of Fearful to Fabulous: https://fabwithfiona.lpages.co/book-title-free-gift/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Fearful to Fabulous: Unlock Your Power, Move On, and Thrive After Midlife Divorce by Fiona Eckersley: https://www.amazon.com/Fearful-Fabulous-Unlock-Midlife-Divorce-ebook/dp/B07NF9ZDVV

Curious what your soon-to-be ex-spouse isn’t telling you? If you suspect that your former partner is hiding assets, but you don’t want to hire a forensic accountant until you’re sure, it may be time to talk to an intelligence firm. So, what role does an investigator play in the divorce process? And who are they best equipped to help?

Philip Segal is the Managing Member of Charles Griffin Intelligence, a fact-finding firm that helps clients uncover assets, conduct due diligence, and locate witnesses. Staffed by lawyers, Charles Griffin draws on a global network of investigators to help other lawyers, corporations and individuals who are contemplating or in the midst of litigation. Philip is also the author of The Art of Fact Investigation: Creative Thinking in the Age of Information Overload.

On this episode, Philip joins Katherine to discuss his role in gathering facts for a divorcing client, explaining how he goes about finding concealed assets. He speaks to how his work differs from that of a forensic accountant and describes how to maintain confidentiality in working with an investigator. Listen in to understand Philip’s process for conducting an asset search and learn who SHOULD and SHOULD NOT hire a firm like Charles Griffin Intelligence.

Topics Covered

Philip’s role in gathering facts to get a person’s story

How Philip goes about finding concealed assets

How an investigator differs from a forensic accountant

Finding indicators of offshore wealth in onshore dealings

The degree of bank secrecy here in the US

Our emotional investment in money during divorce

The typical profile of a Charles Griffin client

How to maintain confidentiality in working with a PI

Philip’s process for conducting an investigation

Client questionnaire

Fresh search of public record

Present client with memo

Strategic phone calls or subpoenas

Who SHOULD and SHOULD NOT hire Charles Griffin

Connect with Philip Segal

Charles Griffin Intelligence: https://charlesgriffinllc.com/

Call (212) 332-2845

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

The Divorce Asset Hunter: https://www.divorceassethunter.com/

The Ethical Investigator: https://www.ethicalinvestigator.com/

The Art of Fact Investigation: Creative Thinking in the Age of Information Overload by Philip Segal: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Fact-Investigation-Creative-Information-ebook/dp/B01C37Z0LQ

So, you’re ready to start dating again after divorce, but you don’t want to make the same mistakes as last time. How can you do an autopsy on your marriage to understand what worked and what didn’t? How can you get clear on who YOU are and what you’re looking for in a partner? How can you find a compatible connection and then establish a loving relationship that lasts?

Bernadette Smith is the creator of Compatible Connections, a boutique coaching firm that specializes in helping divorced women become confident, conscious daters. With 10-plus years of experience as a certified dating and relationship expert, Bernadette is dedicated to helping every woman she works with find the love of her life after divorce.

On this episode of the podcast, Bernadette joins Katherine to explain how she defines compatibility and what you can do to screen for it before a first date. She shares the importance of getting clear on who you are and what you want in a relationship, offering insight on how to partner with yourself FIRST. Bernadette also addresses online dating, giving her top tips for avoiding scams and discussing how she supports clients every step of the way. Listen in to understand how to identify the character traits you want in a partner and learn how regular relationship checkups can keep your partnership growing!

Topics Covered

The definition of compatibility and how to screen for it

The value in doing an autopsy on your marriage

Why it’s crucial to get clear on your reason for dating

Bernadette’s insight on partnering with yourself first

Bernadette’s approach to regular relationship checkups

What I love about you is…

When you … I feel …, and I would like …

Identifying the character traits you want in a partner

Good connecting questions to ask potential partners

How Bernadette supports clients in online dating

Bernadette’s advice around online dating

Never give phone number to stranger

Create separate email address

Bernadette’s take on the basis of a loving relationship

Respect, honesty, trust and communication

Connect with Bernadette Smith

Compatible Connections: https://compatibleconnections.biz/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Burner App: https://www.burnerapp.com/

Google Voice: https://voice.google.com/u/0/about

It’s never really just about the numbers. Money is emotional, and our feelings about finances reflect what’s going on inside. This is especially true for divorcing couples making major money decisions that will impact the rest of their lives. So, how can we navigate those emotions and design a financial plan that makes sense for both parties?

Ivy Menchel is the Founder and President of Family Wealth Planning Partners, a firm that specializes in divorce financial analysis. She leverages her 25 years of experience in financial services to support matrimonial attorneys, divorce mediators and their clients in assessing their options for fair and equitable settlements. Ivy is committed to empowering divorcing couples to make sound financial decisions for today—and into the future.

On this episode, Ivy joins Katherine to share her experience as an adult child of divorce, describing how the circumstances influenced her work as a financial planner. She explains the advantage of having a financial neutral in the divorce process and speaks to the relationship between our emotions and money. Ivy also weighs in on the concept of financial infidelity in the divorce setting and the necessity of reassessing wants versus needs as a marriage ends. Listen in for Ivy’s insight around creating a financial plan in the aftermath of divorce and learn why it’s crucial for couples to communicate about money!

Topics Covered

How experiencing her parent’s divorce inspired Ivy’s work

The relationship between our emotions and money

Why Ivy needs to know what money means to her clients

The benefit to having a financial neutral in the divorce process

The role of a financial neutral in the divorce process

1. Data gathering

2. Planning based on goals

3. Explore options that work for both

4. Divide assets + set up new accounts

Why divorcing couples must reassess wants vs. needs

The concept of financial infidelity in the divorce setting

Why it’s crucial for couples to communicate about finances

Connect with Ivy Menchel

Family Wealth Planning Partners: http://www.familywealthpp.com/

Call (212) 244-4702

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Ivy’s Course on Financial Communication: http://ivymenchel.com/menu/committed-to-last

The Romantic Prenup: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/the-romantic-prenup

To divorce with dignity, couples need closure. Until we’ve said goodbye to the relationship, we simply can’t let go of the blame and shame of the breakup and reach a peaceful resolution. But what does that look like? How can we work through the grief early on, so that we don’t end up having very expensive arguments in an attorney’s office?

A relationship expert with four decades in private practice, Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil is widely recognized as one of America’s best couples therapists. She is the bestselling author of several books, including Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples and Adultery: The Forgivable Sin. Dr. Bonnie has appeared on Good Morning America, The Today Show and Oprah, and her work has been featured in The New York Times and New York Magazine, among many other publications.

On this episode, Dr. Bonnie joins Katherine to explain why it’s crucial to say goodbye to an old relationship before you can say hello to a new one and describe how children express what couples suppress in the divorce process. Dr. Bonnie also shares the top mistakes divorcing couples make, describing how she helps couples leave WITHOUT blame or shame. Listen in for Dr. Bonnie’s insight on getting closure when your ex won’t cooperate and learn why the temporary pain of an intentional goodbye is so much better than playing out the emotional battle in a lawyer’s office!

Topics Covered

Dr. Bonnie’s insight that children express what couples suppress

Why it’s crucial to say goodbye to your old relationship

Getting closure with your ex before you enter the lawyer’s office

How to get closure and leave WITHOUT blame or shame

The top mistakes people make in the divorce process

1. Sidestep conflict (peace at any price)

2. Avoid ex-spouse

3. Brady Bunch expectations

4. Badmouth, criticize ex

Why the temporary pain of closure is preferable to avoidance

How to get closure for yourself if your ex refuses to cooperate

The magic in connecting with your ex in a different way

Why Dr. Bonnie sees adultery as the forgivable sin

Navigating the ‘power struggle’ stage of a romantic relationship

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil

Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil’s Website

Call (212) 606-3787

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Free Chapter of Dr. Bonnie’s Book: http://doctorbonnie.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Adultery-Ch-16.pdf

Dr. Bonnie’s Stepmom Course: http://doctorbonnie.com/drbonnieStepmomCourse/

Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples by Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil and Harville Hendrix: https://www.amazon.com/Make-Up-Dont-Break-Finding/dp/1605503606

Adultery: The Forgivable Sin by Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil: https://www.amazon.com/Adultery-Forgivable-Bonnie-Eaker-Weil/dp/1587768151