Divorce Dialogues

Divorce Dialogues

By Katherine MillerSociety & Culture
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Divorce Dialogues episodes

  • Taking the High Road Through Collaborative Divorce with Monique Honaman
    Reacting with aggression feels good in the moment, powerful even. Perhaps you believe that taking the high road in the divorce process puts you at a disadvantage, making you look weak—as if you’re letting the other person off the hook for their behavior. But Monique Honaman argues that the next best decision is not the one born from anger. In fact, the smart choices that work for your family long-term require the presence of mind to take emotion out of the equation.
    Monique had no aspirations to write a book. But as she navigated her own divorce, Monique received phone call after phone call from women with questions about the process. After a conversation around collaborative divorce at an unrelated business conference, someone suggested that Monique write a book. That night in her hotel room, she sat down with her laptop and outlined the chapters that would become The High Road Has Less Traffic.
    Since then, Monique has written a follow-up, The High Road Has Less Traffic and a Better View. Today, she joins Katherine to share the meaning behind her shrewd titles, explaining why taking the high road is not synonymous with weakness. Monique speaks to her experience with collaborative divorce, discussing how a professional team can facilitate the division of assets and drafting of a parenting plan. Listen in for Monique’s insight around determining your end game and leveraging the power of forgiveness to free yourself and move forward.
    Topics Covered
    The isolation and fear experienced by people in the divorce process
    Monique’s definition of ‘the high road’
    Why the next best decision is not always the easiest
    The benefit of making decisions from a place of logic rather than emotion
    How to consider the long-term impact of your choices
    Why Monique is a proponent of the collaborative divorce process
    How a professional team helped facilitate Monique’s divorce
    Parenting plan
    Division of assets
    The differences between a collaborative and a litigious, traditional divorce
    The value of assessing your end game in the divorce process
    The misconception that the law is interested in the facts that led to divorce
    Monique’s insight on the power of forgiveness
    Doesn’t mean excusing behavior
    Frees you up to move forward
    Connect with Monique Honaman
    Monique’s Website: http://highroadlesstraffic.com
    Resources
    The High Road Has Less Traffic: Honest Advice on the Path Through Love and Divorce by Monique A. Honaman: amazon.com/High-Road-Has-Less-Traffic/dp/0615375340
    The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a Better View by Monique A. Honaman: amazon.com/High-Road-Has-Less-Traffic/dp/1940237033/
    Janis Abrahms Spring: www.janisaspring.com/
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    25 min
  • Recognizing the Complexity of Divorce with Integrative Law with J. Kim Wright
    Let’s face it: The legal process is intimidating. Separation agreements are difficult to decipher without the help of a professional, and the process often disregards the complexity of what people are going through. Beyond the legal piece, there are emotional, financial, even spiritual implications around ending a marriage. Integrative law seeks to recognize that complexity and design conscious contracts that people can understand and use to resolve conflict.
    Kim Wright is a leader in the field of integrative law. Named one of the first Legal Rebels by the American Bar Association (ABA), Kim has been lauded for ‘finding new ways to practice law, represent clients, adjudicate cases and train the next generation of lawyers.’ She leads Continuing Legal Education programs and offers coaching and consulting for lawyers, courts, law firms, legal organizations, law schools as well as the media. Kim is also the author of the ABA best-sellers Lawyers as Peacemakers and Lawyers and Changemakers.
    Today, Kim joins Katherine to share how her holistic perspective on divorce was shaped by her experiences. She discusses innovation in the areas of drafting legal contracts written for the people involved and crafting vision statements that reflect the shared values of separating parents. Listen in for Kim’s insight around helping divorcing partners identify their own problematic behavior, using the Blueprint of We to facilitate collaboration, and designing contracts that address change and resolve conflict.
    Topics Covered
    How integrative law recognizes the complexity of divorce
    The connections among the legal, emotional, financial and spiritual aspects of divorce
    How Kim’s holistic perspective on divorce was shaped by her experiences
    Kim’s commitment to provide dignity to both separating partners
    Kim’s innovation in the area of drafting contracts people can understand
    For, about the people involved
    Conscious contracts using plain language
    Creating a vision statement that reflects separating parents’ shared values
    Hopes and dreams for children
    Contributions of each parent
    How the Blueprint of We facilitates collaboration, specifically in documents
    How to help divorcing partners identify their own potentially problematic behavior
    How to design contracts that address change and engage conflict
    The lawyer’s higher possibility as a peacemaker
    The new approaches to problem-solving set forth in Lawyers as Peacemakers
    The significance of recognizing the individuality of each client, situation
    How integrative law starts with the big picture and crafts details to fit that vision
    Connect with J. Kim Wright
    Kim Wright’s Website: http://jkimwright.com
    Resources
    Lawyers as Peacemakers: Practicing Holistic, Problem-Solving Law by J. Kim Wright: amazon.com/Lawyers-Peacemakers-Practicing-Holistic-Problem-Solving/dp/1604428627
    Lawyers as Changemakers: The Global Integrative Law Movement by J. Kim Wright: amazon.com/Lawyers-Changemakers-Global-Integrative-Movement/dp/1634256476
    Blueprint of We: www.blueprintofwe.com/blueprint-of-we
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    22 min
  • Mediation: Compromise or Negotiation? - with Gary Friedman
    Most people think of mediation as compromise, but Gary Friedman sees it differently. In his view, the process is a negotiation. Rather than competing over assets, the divorcing partners identify what they need to move forward and then find the best way to divide or allocate resources accordingly. Yes, there will be disagreements, but if you can turn around your impulse to see each other as enemies, there are ways of cooperating that produce results that are better for both parties.
    Gary has been teaching mediation since the 1980’s, training lawyers, law professors, judges and psychotherapists in the mediative approach to collaborative practice in the US, Europe and Israel. He is the co-founder of the Center for Mediation in Law, and he has taught courses in negotiation and mediation at prestigious institutions such as Stanford University, Harvard Law School, and the World Intellectual Property Organization in Geneva. Gary is the author of several seminal works in the field of conflict resolution, including A Guide to Divorce Mediation, Challenging Conflict, and Inside Out.
    Today, Gary joins Katherine to share how mediation empowers separating partners to make their own decisions, putting the people who will live with the consequences in charge of decision-making. He offers his take on mediation as a negotiation, explaining the mediator’s role in helping people keep a focus on what’s really important to them and make decisions together. Gary speaks to the value in having both partners in the room during the mediation process and the power in providing a ‘fair witness’ both parties can trust. Listen in for Gary’s insight on rejecting the cultural mythology around hating your ex and crafting solutions that benefit everyone involved.
    Topics Covered
    How mediation allows separating partners to make their own decisions
    Gary’s insight on the fears around not being able to work together
    The mediator’s role in helping people stay focused on what’s important
    The cultural mythology around turning your ex into an enemy
    Gary’s take on mediation as a negotiation rather than a compromise
    The value in dividing and allocating assets based on individual needs
    How to talk through disagreements in a way that moves you forward
    The necessity of having both partners in same room during mediation
    How honest, open conversation facilitates great relief and healing
    The courage it takes to work through conflict together
    The difference between agreeing and understanding in joint decision-making
    The power in having a ‘fair witness’ that both partners feel comfortable with
    How Gary’s quest to find a different way to be a lawyer led him to mediation
    Gary’s discovery that there is no set definition of what a ‘good marriage’ looks like
    Connect with Gary Friedman
    Center for Understanding in Conflict
    Resources
    A Guide to Divorce Mediation: How to Reach a Fair, Legal Settlement at a Fraction of the Cost by Gary J. Friedman : amazon.com/Guide-Divorce-Mediation-Settlement-Fraction/dp/1563052458
    Inside Out: How Conflict Professionals Can Use Self-Reflection to Help Their Clients by Gary Friedman: amazon.com/Inside-Out-Conflict-Professionals-Self-Reflection/dp/1627227768
    Challenging Conflict: Mediation Through Understanding by Gary Friedman and Jack Himmelstein: amazon.com/Challenging-Conflict-Mediation-Through-Understanding/dp/1604420529
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    24 min
  • The Healing Power of Compassion with Dr. Steven Stosny
    If you’re going through a contentious divorce, hurt and anger are par for the course. You may even believe that holding onto your rage is a show of strength. But the truth is, blame renders you powerless to your own emotions. What if I told you that true power—and the ability to heal—lies in your ability to choose compassion?
    Dr. Steven Stosny is the creator of Compassion Power, an organization founded on the belief that people are, indeed, more powerful when they are compassionate. Dr. Stosny is also a renowned author and media consultant who has appeared on Oprah, CBS Sunday Morning, and CNN’s Talkback Live, among others. A leading expert in relationships, anger and abuse, Dr. Stosny has treated 6,000-plus clients and presented at professional conferences all over the world.
    Today, Dr. Stosny joins Katherine to share his insight around the power of compassion, explaining how anger narrows your focus and limits your intellectual abilities. He discusses the concepts of compassionate assertiveness and emotional reconditioning, describing how blame eliminates your ability to heal, correct and improve. Dr. Stosny speaks to the underlying powerlessness felt by violent abusers and how victim identity strips away their ability to feel compassion. Listen in and learn several actionable strategies to help you let go of anger and resentment—and embrace your life.
    Topics Covered
    Why compassion is more powerful than anger or resentment
    The concept of compassionate assertiveness
    The difficulty of maintaining hostility toward someone who is compassionate
    How focusing on the best interests of your children lends itself to compassion
    How demonizing someone makes you lose touch with your deeper values
    The narrow, rigid focus created by anger
    How blame makes you powerless to your own emotions
    The way in which confirmation bias supports blame
    How to crowd out resentment with value creation
    How Dr. Stosny came to understand the link between compassion and power
    Grew up in violent home with abusive father
    Mother taught that the violent feel powerless, lack compassion
    The destructive nature of victim identity
    The importance of focusing on what anger is doing to you
    Dr. Stosny’s strategies around engaging your adult brain
    How can I make my experience a little better?
    Apply deeper values to guide behavior
    The role of compassion as a healing emotion
    Connect with Dr. Stosny
    Compassion Power
    Resources
    Books by Dr. Stosny: amazon.com/Steven-Stosny/e/B001ILIEUS
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    25 min
  • The Lawyer as Peacemaker with David Hoffman
    The 14th Dalai Lama wisely said, ‘Peace is not simply the absence of war. It is not a passive state of being. We must wage peace, as vigilantly as we wage war.’ Our cultural bias suggests that peacemaking is somehow weak or submissive, when in fact, it takes a great deal more strength and confidence to listen and consider a point of view different from our own—especially in the legal profession.
    David Hoffman is the founder of Boston Law Collaborative where he serves as a mediator, arbitrator, and collaborative divorce attorney. David teaches several courses on dispute resolution at Harvard Law School, and he was named Boston’s 2016 Lawyer of the Year by Best Lawyers in America as well as US News & World Report. His practice is focused on resolving conflict in business, family, and employment suits, and David has served as mediator in more than two thousand cases. He is also the author of several books on conflict resolution, including Mediation: A Practical Guide for Mediators, Lawyers, and Other Professionals and Bringing Peace into the Room: How the Personal Qualities of the Mediator Impact the Process of Conflict Resolution.
    Today, David joins Katherine to discuss the idea of lawyer as peacemaker, explaining how lawyers are trained to argue and persuade rather than problem-solve. He addresses the toxic nature of the courtroom setting in resolving family conflict and his belief that litigation should be the last resort for divorcing couples. David walks us through the difference between ‘positions’ and ‘interests’ in interest-based models of dispute resolution, describing the value in defining the WHY behind your goals. Listen in for David’s insight on the strength and confidence required to open up and listen to the other side and learn how lawyers can achieve their highest and best use as peacemakers.
    Topics Covered
    How lawyers are trained to argue and persuade rather than problem-solve
    Why the courtroom is a toxic environment for resolving family conflict
    David’s insight around listening as an integral skill for attorneys
    David’s take on the lawyer as peacemaker’s role in protecting the client
    Determine goals (i.e.: co-parent successfully)
    Educate client about what is likely to happen in court
    David’s belief that court should be a last resort for divorcing families
    The highly unpredictable nature of the courtroom setting
    The fundamentals of interest-based models of dispute resolution
    ‘Interests’ defined as WHY behind position
    How Getting to Yes can help divorcing couples establish priorities
    How lawyers can support clients in sorting through the emotional component
    The strength and confidence required to open up and listen to the other side
    The idea of disagreeing without being disagreeable
    Connect with David Hoffman
    Boston Law Collaborative: https://blc.law/
    Resources
    Lawyers as Peacemakers TED Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKXv1_Sqe_4
    Bringing Peace into the Room: How the Personal Qualities of the Mediator Impact the Process of Conflict Resolution by Daniel Bowling and David Hoffman: https://www.mcle.org/product/catalog/code/2140163B01
    Mediation: A Practical Guide for Mediators, Lawyers, and Other Professionals by David Hoffman
    Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher, William L. Ury and Bruce Patton: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Without/dp/0143118757/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3PRW582C4C9CF8YTGES9
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    24 min
  • Understanding the Numbers with a Divorce Financial Analyst with Michelle Smith
    If you left the more complex issues of financial planning to your spouse during the marriage, navigating the numbers during the divorce settlement process can be incredibly intimidating. You may need considerable time to process any financial proposal brought to the table, and you would benefit from professional support in understanding what the numbers mean—and whether or not you’re going to be okay when it comes to money in the aftermath of the divorce.
    Michelle Smith is the CEO of Smith Financial Strategies Group, the divorce financial team that other professionals turn to. One of the leading Certified Divorce Financial Analysts in the industry, Michelle has spent 25 years providing guidance and expertise in the realm of personal finance. She is a member of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, a Divorce Mediator, and the co-author of Divorce and Your Finances.
    Today, Michelle joins Katherine to explain how and why she carved out a niche as a personal finance expert in the divorce space. She shares insight around the enduring discrepancy between men and women when it comes to the economic balance of power in a marriage. Michelle speaks to the way men tend to view divorce negotiations as a business deal and the necessity of educating the spouse who is less sophisticated in the realm of complex financial issues. Listen in to understand the ‘unfairness’ of divorce and learn why Michelle cautions couples to consider their goals before choosing a course of action.
    Topics Covered
    Michelle’s niche as a personal finance expert in the divorce space
    How Michelle employs user-friendly financial modelings
    Michelle’s insight on the discrepancy around economic balance, power in marriage
    Many women chose not to handle ‘complex financial issues’
    Inequality when it comes to understanding the numbers
    How men tend to see divorce negotiations as a business deal
    The necessity of taking time to educate the ‘non-sophisticated spouse’
    The potential for intense dysfunction in communication during the divorce process
    Michelle’s no-nonsense take on the ‘unfairness’ of divorce
    Why divorcing couples should consider their goals before choosing a course of action
    Connect with Michelle Smith
    Smith FSG:http://www.smithfsg.com/
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    27 min
  • Self-Compassion + Collaborative Settlement = Splitopia with Wendy Paris
    When Wendy Paris announced her trial separation to her liberal friends in New York City, she was surprised by the incredibly negative feedback she received. But when she unpacked their predictions of doom and gloom, Wendy realized that their fears around divorce derived from the facts of an earlier era, before no fault filing was an option. Wendy and her ex-husband moved slowly, leveraging alternative dispute resolution to collaborate on a settlement that set them both up for success.
    Wendy has worked as a journalist and editor for 20-plus years, contributing content to media outlets including The New York Times, Quartz, The Guardian, Washington Post and Marketplace Radio, among many others. She currently blogs for Psychology Today, Huffington Post and Splitopia, the divorce wellness platform she founded in conjunction with her book, Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well. Wendy lives in Santa Monica, California, with her son—just a few blocks up the beach from her ex-husband.
    Today, Wendy joins Katherine to share how her own experience with divorce inspired her to write Splitopia. She explains how our fears around divorce stem from the facts of an earlier era and the bizarre juxtaposition between society’s glamorization of marriage AND valorization of independence. Wendy discusses the need to inform divorcing couples of the collaborative options available to them early in the process and offers insight around how she and her husband navigated an amicable end to their marriage. Listen in and learn how to commit to self-compassion during the divorce process, viewing yourself with passion and forgiveness.
    Topics Covered
    Wendy’s friends’ surprisingly negative reaction to her trial separation
    How our fears around divorce stem from the facts of an earlier era
    The bias resulting from conflated statistics promoted by pro-marriage pundits
    Society’s glamorization of marriage vs. the valorization of independence
    The need to inform divorcing couples of collaborative options early in the process
    Wendy’s surprise around liking her ex-husband in the aftermath of divorce
    Wendy’s insight on slowing down the divorce process
    How Wendy’s ex-husband reframes divorce as a ‘success that ran its course’
    The ‘seven principles of parting’ detailed in Splitopia
    How to commit to self-compassion in the divorce process
    Universality of experience
    Practice mindfulness
    View self with understanding, forgiveness
    Connect with Wendy Paris
    Wendy’s Website: http://www.splitopia.com/
    Resources
    Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well by Wendy Paris: https://www.amazon.com/Splitopia-Dispatches-Todays-Good-Divorce-ebook/dp/B010MHAH08/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
    University of Arizona Self-Compassion Study: http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.422.2124&rep=rep1&type=pdf
    Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff: http://selfcompassion.org/
    Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min
  • Redesigning Your Living Space Post-Divorce with Jodi Topitz
    No matter the circumstances, divorce is intensely emotional, and we tend to focus on the internal journey of people navigating the process. But what about the externals? The space where we live and the objects we surround ourselves with have a significant impact on the way we feel—and designing a new space or reclaiming an old one can go a long way to helping people move on with their lives post-divorce.
    Jodi Topitz is the founder of we2me, a unique interior design firm for divorcing couples and families in transition. Jodi supports clients in reclaiming their current home or moving to a new space, creating an uplifting environment and restoring a sense of permanency in their lives. Jodi discovered the healing impact of color and design in the aftermath of her own divorce, and she is passionate about connecting people to their space in a way that helps them achieve serenity and move forward.
    Today, Jodi sits down with Katherine to talk about the value of creating a comforting environment, especially in the aftermath of a divorce. She discusses the emotional attachment we feel to certain objects and how color can serve as an instant mood-altering tool. Jodi shares her process, from assessing the items her clients have to deciding what goes and what stays to determining a color palette. Listen in for Jodi’s insight on why children need to feel at home with both parents and how our physical space impacts the way we feel internally.
    Topics Covered
    The value in creating a comforting environment
    How design can restore your sense of permanency
    The emotional attachment to objects we carry with us
    The importance of the bedroom as a sanctuary
    How color functions as a mood-altering tool
    Jodi’s process of working with divorcing clients
    Assess items they have
    Make decisions based on size
    Determine color palette, placement
    How Jodi works within the client’s budget
    The way our physical space impacts how we feel internally
    Jodi’s insight on the ideal time to engage her services
    The significance of children feeling at home with both parents
    How Jodi designs children’s rooms to make them feel safe
    Connect with Jodi Topitz
    we2me: http://we2me.com/
    Call (973) 985-4386
    Resources
    Princeton TV: http://princetontv.org/Home.html
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min
  • Parenting Strategies to Help Children Thrive Through Divorce with Dr. Joanne Pedro-Carroll
    Parents worry about the long-term impact divorce will have on their children. The good news is that two-thirds of the children of divorce are just fine. The bad news is that one-third are, indeed, disadvantaged by long-term problems. What can parents do to ensure that their children fall in to the resilient category—and go on to thrive in the aftermath of divorce?
    Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is recognized internationally as an authority in the field of children and divorce, speaking regularly at conferences all over the world and consulting with universities, schools, courts and health agencies on matters relating to child mental health and parenting. Additionally, she continues to work with children and families in private practice and serves as a child specialist in the collaborative divorce process. Dr. Pedro-Carroll held faculty positions in psychology and psychiatry at the University of Rochester from 1984 to 2008 and was a Senior Researcher at the Children’s Institute in Rochester, New York. She serves as an advisor to Sesame Street on its Little Children, Big Challenges initiative, and she is the author of Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce.
    Today, Dr. Pedro-Carroll sits down with Katherine to address what parents can do to help their children demonstrate resilience through the divorce process. She explains the misguided view that taking the high road makes you vulnerable and the impact of long-term resentment on your ability to parent effectively. Dr. Pedro-Carroll offers insight around the role of the child specialist in the collaborative divorce process and the feasibility of bird nesting as a workable solution for divorcing families. Listen in for the factors to consider in the development of an effective parenting plan and learn how to give you kids a voice in the process.
    Topics Covered
    The challenge of managing emotions of fear, loss and grief through divorce
    The statistics around long-term problems exhibited by children of divorce
    • 1/3 suffer from long-term issues
    • 2/3 make healthy adjustment
    The two most powerful predictive factors for resilient children of divorce
    1. Extent to which parents contain conflict
    2. Quality of parenting, relationship between children and parents
    The misguided view that taking the high road makes you vulnerable
    How holding onto resentment impacts parenting in a negative way
    The value in keeping families out of court with alternative processes
    Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s take on bird nesting as a short-term solution
    Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s insight on developing a parenting schedule
    • Based on children’s ages, circumstances
    • Allow for frequent contact with both parents
    • Test different plans, reassess as necessary
    How to give children a voice in the parenting plan without the burden of choice
    The child specialist’s role in the collaborative divorce process
    • Guide parents in understanding children’s needs, worries
    How the way you tell children about the divorce sets the tone moving forward
    Connect with Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll
    Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s Website: http://www.pedro-carroll.com/
    Resources
    Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll: https://www.amazon.com/Putting-Children-First-Parenting-Strategies/dp/1583334017/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270750902&sr=1-1
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min
  • A Better Way to Divorce Through the Collaborative Model with Sue Brunsting, Esq.
    By 2001, Suzanne Brunsting had been practicing as a matrimonial litigator for 20 years. The more experienced she got, the more difficult and contentious the cases referred to her. Day in, day out, she was witness to the damage endured by families embroiled in the process, especially the children at the center of custody battles. There had to be a better way. And that spring, a colleague introduced Sue to the collaborative model.
    Now Sue is a collaborative lawyer and settlement advocate who helps divorcing clients reach agreements without resorting to the courts.  Sue has 30-plus years of experience in the field of family law, and since 2004, she has limited her practice to collaborative law and settlement advocacy. She was the first president of the Collaborative Law Association of the Rochester Area, and she has been an active member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals since 2001. In addition, Sue teaches beginning collaborative law and advanced skills courses.
    Today, Sue sits down with Katherine to explain how she was introduced to collaborative law after two decades as a matrimonial litigator. She shares the attorney’s role as a constructive advocate in the collaborative divorce model, discussing her intention to make clients ‘feel safe at the table.’ Sue walks us through the benefits of involving a neutral in the collaborative process, be it a child specialist, mediator mental health or financial professional. Listen in for insight around the spectrum of options available to divorcing couples and learn how the collaborative process ensures that the lawyers won’t give up until an agreement has been reached.
    Topics Covered
    Sue’s 20-year background as a matrimonial litigator
    Sue’s introduction to the collaborative law model
    What inspired Sue to start a collaborative law group in Rochester
    The vulnerability involved in the collaborative divorce model
    The lawyer’s role as a constructive advocate in the collaborative process
    Understand client priorities, decision-making
    Act with integrity, professionalism and forthrightness
    The benefit of having a neutral in the collaborative divorce process
    Why Sue won’t do a case without a neutral
    The spectrum of options available to couples considering divorce
    What it means when a lawyer signs a participation agreement
    Sue’s advice for people facing divorce
    Gather info before entering negotiation
    Take care of your health, emotional well-being
    Connect with Suzanne Brunsting
    Sue’s Website: http://www.suebrunsting.com/
    Call (585) 244-4239
    Resources
    Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota: https://collaborativedivorceoptions.com/
    Collaborative Law Association of the Rochester Area: http://nycollaborativelaw.com/
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
    Call (914) 738-7765
    25 min

About Divorce Dialogues

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Divorce Dialogues helps people navigate divorce with dignity, clarity, and perspective. Through thoughtful conversations with experts and practitioners, the show explores the emotional, financial, legal, and relational realities of divorce, so listeners can make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and move forward with greater confidence.