Divorce Dialogues

Divorce Dialogues

By Katherine MillerSociety & Culture
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Divorce Dialogues episodes

  • Making Divorce Child-Centric with Dr. Eric Frazer
    In working with divorcing clients, family lawyers develop both legal and financial strategy. But there is a third element to the ‘triad of divorce’—the family. How can we support lawyers in gathering the information they need in the area of child custody? How can we make divorce child-centric and support families in making a fluid transition?
    How can we put the ‘family’ back in family law?
    Dr. Eric Frazer is the co-founder of Child Custody Analytics, an online platform designed to provide family lawyers with expert information and solutions around child custody. A forensic psychologist in private practice since 2002, Dr. Frazer specializes in Psychological Assessment, and he is well-versed in the contributions psychology brings to family law practices. Dr. Frazer earned his PhD from the Yale University School of Medicine.
    Today, Dr. Frazer joins Katherine to discuss the evolution of family law, specifically the current ‘best interest of the child’ standard. He explains the aim of his company, Child Custody Analytics, in facilitating good decision-making and making divorce child-centric. Dr. Frazer walks us through the Child Custody Analytics platform, describing how it serves to gather information from parents, organize it in a meaningful way, and provide lawyers with research-informed guidelines. Listen in for Dr. Frazer’s take on the factors parents should consider in designing a parenting plan and learn why the quality of the time spent with children is more important than the quantity.
    Topics Covered
    How litigation puts children in the middle of conflict, hostility
    The definition of the ‘best interest of the child’ standard
    Child Custody Analytics’ mission to facilitate good decisions
    The legal, financial and family issues associated with divorce
    Dr. Frazer’s aim to make divorce child-centric
    How Child Custody Analytics helps lawyers develop a psychological strategy
    The benefits of taking a proactive approach to the use of child custody expertise
    The family lawyer’s role in helping clients appreciate what’s best for their kids
    The Child Custody Analytics technology tool to help lawyers gather information
    • Parents list concerns, provide evidence
    • Organizes information in meaningful way
    The common myth around parental alienation
    Dr. Frazer’s insight on what parents should consider in creating a parenting plan
    • Children’s strengths, weaknesses
    • Individual parental contributions
    • Developmental needs of children
    Why the quality of time spent with children is more important than quantity
    Connect with Dr. Eric Frazer
    Child Custody Analytics
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min
  • The Bipartisan Budget Act & Changes to Social Security with Gayle Lob
    With the Bipartisan Budget Act of 2015, lawmakers closed the loophole that allowed a worker to file for social security benefits and then suspend payments—while his or her partner collected the spousal benefit. How might these changes impact your social security benefits? How can you maximize the amount you receive from the government? And how are social security benefits calculated in the first place?
    Gayle Lob is the President and CEO of Lob Planning Group. With 29 years of experience in financial planning, investment management and insurance, she is adept at helping people manage life transitions and plan for financial security and independence. Gayle is also an authority in the realm of social security benefits, and she has shared her expertise on CNBC, CNN and Fox 5 New York.
    Today, Gayle joins Katherine to explain the new rules around social security that came with the passage of the Bipartisan Budget Act, specifically focusing on the elimination of the file-and-suspend strategy. She offers insight into why it’s beneficial to wait as long as possible before you start collecting and why you should consider inflation in the process of retirement planning. Listen in to understand the rules of collecting the spousal share on an ex and learn how social security benefits are calculated—and where to go to verify your earnings record!
    Topics Covered
    Why Gayle recommends waiting as long as possible to collect social security
    • Start at 62, collect max of $2K/month
    • 25% increase if wait until age 66
    • Additional 8% increase every year to 70
    • Potential to double income
    The rules around collecting social security on an ex-spouse
    How the rules changed with the passage of the Bipartisan Budget Act
    Who is still eligible to employ the file-and-suspend strategy and who is not
    Why you should take inflation into consideration in retirement planning
    The generous rules around claiming early for widows and widowers
    The lack of formalized rules in social security for same sex marriages
    How social security benefits are calculated based on your highest 35 earning years
    Why it’s important to make sure your earnings record is accurate
    Connect with Gayle Lob
    Lob Planning Group: http://www.lobplanning.com/
    Call (914) 428-6440
    Resources
    Bipartisan Budget Act of 2015: https://www.ssa.gov/legislation/Bipartisan%20Budget%20Act%20Closes%20Social%20Security%20Loophole%20updated.pdf
    ‘Retiring After 65 May Help People Live Longer’ in the Wall Street Journal: https://www.wsj.com/articles/retiring-after-65-may-help-people-live-longer-1462202016
    Social Security Website: https://www.ssa.gov/
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    25 min
  • The Unique Emotional Journey of Divorce with Shireen Meistrich
    Divorce is a difficult emotional journey, regardless of the circumstances. But in most cases, the divorcing partners are in very different places along that journey. The person leaning out has likely been thinking about ending the marriage for a long time, while the other is a bit of a ‘deer in headlights’ and needs time to catch up emotionally. What role can a divorce coach play in helping the couple navigate this common disconnect?
    Shireen Meistrich is the President of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, and she has served on the leadership team of the Collaborative Divorce Association of New Jersey since 2007. Shireen has spent the last ten years working as a collaborative divorce coach, helping families increase communication and decrease conflict through the alternative dispute-resolution process. She is skilled in managing the emotional hurdles that present as obstacles toward an effective resolution.
    Today, Shireen sits down with Katherine to share her ‘train station’ analogy, explaining how common it is for the initiator to be much further along in the emotional journey of divorce. She discusses the very serious nature of the decision to divorce and the reason why she recommends discernment therapy before couples make the final decision. Shireen walks us through her approach to determining the needs of her clients, describing what the transformational process can look like and how to honor the emotional journey while working toward a resolution. Listen in for insight around effectively communicating your needs and wants during the divorce process and developing a successful co-parenting relationship.
    Topics Covered
    The emotional disconnect between the person leaning in vs. leaning out
    The family counselor’s role in helping couples make the decision to divorce
    The very serious nature of the decision to divorce
    How Shireen honors the history of a divorcing couple’s marriage
    How discernment therapy helps a couple see if there’s any viability to the marriage
    How Shireen determines the unique needs of her clients
    What a transformational process looks like in the collaborative divorce setting
    • Let go of marital conflict dynamic
    • Develop healthy co-parenting relationship
    The challenge of transitioning to a healthier place during a time of heightened anxiety
    The balance between mining the emotional journey and reaching a respectful resolution
    How to communicate your needs and interests effectively during the divorce process
    What a successful post-divorce co-parenting relationship looks like
    • Demonstrate respect for each other
    • Seamlessly follow plan (e.g.: sit together at events)
    Shireen’s advice around having patience and respect for your former spouse
    Connect with Shireen Meistrich
    Shireen’s Website: http://njcollaborativelaw.com/shireen-b-meistrich-lcsw/
    Call (201) 791-1560
    Resources
    International Academy of Collaborative Professionals: https://www.collaborativepractice.com/
    Collaborative Divorce Association of New Jersey: http://collaborativedivorceassociationofnorthjersey.com/
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min
  • Nobody WINS in a Litigated Divorce with Judge Sondra Miller
    The vast majority of divorcing couples who choose litigation do so due to the misconception that the courts will protect them. The fact is, 97% of divorce cases in New York settle before they go to trial, and the judge is in no position to protect the 3% that do. The Honorable Sondra Miller spent 21 years in the court system, and she contends that divorcing couples are much better served by alternative dispute resolution processes such as mediation and collaborative divorce.
    Judge Miller received her law degree from Harvard University in 1953. She was a Westchester County Family Court Judge for three years before her election to the New York Supreme Court in 1986. Judge Miller was appointed by Governor Mario Cuomo as a Justice for the Appellate Division in 1990 and commissioned by Chief Justice Judith Kaye to conduct hearings on the state of matrimonial law in New York in 2006. The resulting Miller Commission report prompted the passage of no-fault divorce the state.
    Today, Judge Miller joins Katherine to discuss the limitations around what a judge can do to protect divorcing families, the substantial cost of resolving conflict through the court system, and the rare circumstances under which court is the most appropriate process. She explains the myriad of benefits associated with choosing a more humane alternative like mediation or collaborative divorce, outlining the fundamentals of each model and the other professionals that may be called upon to assist in the process. Listen in to understand why no one wins in a litigated divorce and learn how families are better served by alternative dispute resolution processes.
    Topics Covered
    The importance of informed voting in local elections for judges
    How to get familiar with the qualifications of state supreme court candidates
    The limitations around what a judge can do to protect divorcing families
    Why Judge Miller suggests collaboration or mediation as a humane alternative
    Why the attorneys involved in the collaborative process are motivated to settle
    How mediators guide divorcing couples through financial and custody issues
    Other professionals who may be involved in alternative dispute resolution
    • Financial, mental health professionals
    Judge Miller’s insight on the misconception that the court will protect you
    The substantial cost of resolving conflict through the court system
    The rare circumstances under which court is the most appropriate process
    The expense/time it takes to appeal a custody determination that doesn’t work
    How judges make decisions about issues of custody and visitation
    The role of the forensic in reporting the emotional state of the parties involved
    Connect with Sondra Miller
    Judge Miller on Court Alert: https://www.courtalert.com/JudgeSondraMiller.asp
    Judge Miller at McCarthy Fingar: http://www.mccarthyfingar.com/attorneys/sondra-miller.aspx
    Resources
    The League of Women Voters: https://www.lwv.org/
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min
  • Advice from Adult Children of Divorce
    ‘[The conflict] was so contentious on a regular basis, there was no room for the children—and that’s the danger.’
    The sad truth is that divorcing parents embroiled in conflict are often so wrapped up in their own pain that they fail to protect their children. This was true for Janet, an adult child of divorce who continues to feel the impact of the tension, hostility and destruction that marked the end of her parents’ relationship.
    Today, Janet sits down with Katherine to share her difficult experience as a child of divorce. She describes the shame she felt around the ‘failure’ of her family and the impact of her parents’ lack of control on Janet and her siblings. She relates the all-consuming pain she experienced during her parents’ divorce, the lifelong consequences of destructive behavior felt by children of divorce, and how the process informs her conduct now that she is a wife and mother herself. Listen in for Janet’s insight on maintaining and articulating respect for your ex-spouse and creating an environment where your children feel safe.
    Topics Covered
    The lack of control demonstrated by Janet’s parents during the divorce process
    How Janet recognized her parents’ issues when she was only ten years old
    The tendency for children of divorce to blame themselves
    The shame Janet felt about the ‘failure’ of her family
    Janet’s insight around articulating the positive aspects of your relationship
    • Avoid saying bad things, putting children in middle
    • ‘We will always care about each other’
    The lifelong consequences of destructive behavior on children of divorce
    The all-consuming pain and sadness Janet experienced during her parents’ divorce
    Janet’s determination to ensure that her children feel supported and loved
    Janet’s advice for divorcing parents around remembering the initial bond between you
    How Janet’s childhood identity was caught up in her family
    How Janet’s parents negotiated the terms of their divorce
    The concept of ‘bird nesting’ as an alternative to kids moving between parents
    Janet’s parents’ inability to attend events together post-divorce
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@westche
    26 min
  • The Emotional Repercussions of Divorce with Elana Katz
    Divorce can bring out sides of ourselves we didn’t know were there. Depression is common, as is rage. And many divorcing couples are surprised by these feelings of extreme anger or sadness and isolation. The question becomes, how do you process these emotions and deal with them in a healthy way?
    Elana Katz is a psychotherapist and collaborative divorce professional based in Manhattan. She also serves as senior faculty at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, where she teaches advanced family therapy and directs the Family and Divorce Mediation Program. Elana presents nationally and internationally on family therapy, mediation and collaborative divorce, and she has been quoted by the New York Times, the Associated Press and NPR.
    Today, Elana joins Katherine to explain how the experience of divorce can serve as a triggering event for depression. She walks us through attachment theory, describing how we process separation as a danger cue. Elana also addresses the other common post-divorce emotion, rage. She speaks to the triggers for extreme anger as well as techniques for dealing with these very strong emotions. Listen in for Elana’s insight on reframing the divorce experience and learn how to use the time to develop self-awareness and consider what really matters.
    Topics Covered
    How the experience of divorce serves as a triggering event for depression
    How post-divorce depression may catch people off guard
    How divorcing couples demonstrate attachment theory
    • Process separation as danger cue
    • Come out swinging, curl in or both
    The best way to provide support for a friend, family member during divorce
    How to set appropriate boundaries for your own self-care
    How feeling enraged, easily provoked is a common post-divorce emotion
    Elana’s advice around dealing with strong emotions during/after divorce
    • Make sense of emotions
    • Practice self-compassion
    • Identify, articulate previous successful transitions
    • Moderate physical exercise
    Elana’s insight on reframing the divorce experience
    • Seize as time to develop greater awareness
    • Reboot and consider what really matters
    How to leverage coaching to be present and proactive in the divorce process
    The difference between Elana’s role as mediator vs. collaborative coach
    Elana’s guidance around carefully considering process choice
    Elana’s take on how anger can be either mobilizing or debilitating
    How to handle the rage you may be feeling in the divorce process
    Connect with Elana Katz
    Ackerman Institute for the Family: http://www.ackerman.org/
    Call (212) 879-4900
    Resources
    Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    25 min
  • The Founding Father of Collaborative Divorce with Stu Webb
    In 1990, Minneapolis divorce attorney Stu Webb was burned out and ready to call it a day. He had been practicing family law for 26 years, and he was done with the adversarial nature of litigation. Stu had a plan to quit his law practice, but he decided to quit ‘outrageously’ and try something completely different—working WITH the other lawyer toward a settlement for the divorcing couple. The concept worked, and Stu became the founding father of collaborative divorce.
    Stu began to share information with small groups of like-minded lawyers across the country and built a community of professionals dedicated to out-of-court settlements through organizations like the Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota. Today, collaborative law is helping families transition with dignity in 23 countries around the world. Stu retired in 2012, after 48 years of law practice. His legacy includes the co-authorship of The Collaborative Way to Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs and Happier Kids—Without Going to Court.
    Today, Stu joins Katherine to explain how he conceived of the collaborative divorce model. He describes how he built a community of professionals to support the collaborative process, discussing the evolution of the practice to include neutral mental health and financial experts. Stu speaks to the relationship between lawyers as the primary asset of collaborative law, offering insight around the nature of ‘winning’ in a litigious setting. Listen in to understand the advantages of the collaborative process, including the transparent exchange of information and the creation of a safe space to identify common goals.
    Topics Covered
    How Stu’s background as a litigator moved him to devise a different way to divorce
    Stu’s AHA moment around handing cases that couldn’t be settled over to litigators
    How Stu built a community of professionals to support the collaborative process
    How Stu came to name the collaborative divorce model
    Why people make poor decisions when pressured to settle ‘on the courtroom steps’
    The professional insights provided by mental health, financial neutrals in the interdisciplinary model
    How the relationship between lawyers differs in litigation vs. collaborative law
    Stu’s take on litigation as a performance in which lawyers are expected to win
    How the collaborative process supports clients in creating their own solution
    The value of the transparent exchange of information in the collaborative model
    How the privacy involved in the process allows participants to be more forthcoming
    The advantages of the collaborative process
    • Establishes safe space for difficult conversations
    • Identifies common goals
    Stu’s insight on the application of collaborative law to other civil matters
    Connect with Stu Webb
    Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota: https://www.collaborativelaw.org/
    Stu on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDFCA02D05F4938A1
    Resources
    Beyond Winning: Negotiating to Create Value in Deal and Disputes by Robert H. Mnookin, Scott R. Peppet and Andrew S. Tulumello: https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Winning-Negotiating-Create-Disputes/dp/0674012313
    The Collaborative Way to Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs, and Happier Kids—Without Going to Court by Stuart G. Webb and Ron Ousky: https://www.amazon.com/Collaborative-Way-Divorce-Revolutionary-ds-Without/dp/0452288355
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765 to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
    Call (914) 738-7765
    25 min
  • Choosing Acceptance When You Can’t Forgive with Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring
    We’re taught that forgiveness is good for us, that it’s what good people do. But if you’ve experienced betrayal or hurt and the responsible party demonstrates little remorse, forgiveness may seem impossible. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring would argue that acceptance is a viable alternative to forgiveness, allowing you to stop obsessing over the injury, get healthy and heal.
    Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring is a board certified clinical psychologist and renowned expert in the realm of trust, intimacy and forgiveness. She has been in private practice for 40-plus years, earning the Connecticut Psychological Association’s Award for Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology and the Connecticut Marriage and Family Therapy’s Award for Distinguished Service to Families. Dr. Spring often serves as a guest expert in the national media, appearing in The New York Times, Huffington Post, Good Morning America and NPR, among others. She is also the award-winning author of After the Affair, How Can I Forgive You? and Life with Pop.
    Today, Dr. Spring joins Katherine to discuss some of the common scenarios she encounters in her practice. She explains the nature of a sincere apology and how the ‘hurt partner’ can adopt acceptance as an alternative to forgiveness. Dr. Spring describes strategies to help you stop obsessing over an injury and offers her approach to being honest with your kids—without putting them in the middle. Listen in to understand how you can move forward from a place of power without being reactive and learn Dr. Spring’s approach to reconciliation and forgiveness.
    Topics Covered
    Common scenarios Dr. Spring has encountered in her practice
    • Couples deciding whether to divorce
    • ‘Hurt partner’ comes by themselves
    • Earn forgiveness without reconciliation
    The specific, deep and personal nature of a sincere apology
    How acceptance can serve as an alternative to forgiveness
    Why forgiveness is reserved for an offender who makes good
    The tools for overcoming the rumination of an injury
    How to choose a level of relationship with an ex in the absence of forgiveness
    The damage caused by putting kids in the middle of warring parents
    How to honor your truth without dragging your kids into the conflict
    How to move forward from a place of power without being reactive
    Dr. Spring’ steps to forgiveness and reconciliation
    1. Compose hurt list
    2. Write apology letter
    3. Ask, ‘Why did I do it?’
    4. Build trust on concrete behaviors
    Connect with Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring
    Dr. Spring’s Website: https://www.janisaspring.com/
    Call (203) 227-4771
    Resources
    After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis A. Spring: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062122703/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0062122703&linkCode=as2&tag=jaabspphdab-20
    How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To by Janis A. Spring: https://www.amazon.com/How-Can-Forgive-You-Courage-ebook/dp/B000XUBCBI/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1494097936&sr=1-1&keywords=how+can+i+forgive+you
    Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent by Janis A. Spring and Michael Spring: https://www.amazon.com/Life-Pop-Lessons-Caring-Parent/dp/1583333959/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1494098081&sr=1-1
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    25 min
  • A Case Study in Mediation and Litigation
    You may have guessed that the tone of the mediation process is very different from that of litigation, but you may or may not realize that a couple can makes use of more than one process choice during the course of a divorce. Barbara and her ex-husband, Alan, used a mediator to design a parenting plan, and the process was both cost-effective and peaceful. But when it came time to deal with the unraveling of their financial lives, the tone shifted.
    Barbara had left her job in social work 13 years prior to stay home and care for their children, one of whom suffered from a life-threatening disease before his passing at the age of seven. Alan worked long and hard to cultivate a successful career on Wall Street. As a result, Alan deferred to Barbara on much of the decision-making around parenting, while he took responsibility for the management of their finances. Their views of each other’s contribution to the economic partnership were very different, and the division of their assets became a point of contention. Mediation was no longer an option.
    Today, Barbara joins Katherine to explain how she and Alan began the process with mediation and why crafting a parenting plan was the easiest part of their divorce. She discusses how differing world views led to clearly defined roles during their marriage and tension around the equitable distribution of assets during their divorce. Barbara speaks to the challenge in understanding your partner’s contribution to the economic partnership of a marriage and how the definition of ‘equitable distribution’ continues to evolve. Listen in for Barbara’s insight on how communication works in mediation, collaboration and litigation and learn how she navigated a divorce involving more than one process choice.
    Topics Covered
    How Barbara and Alan’s differing world views affected their divorce
    Barbara and Alan’s clearly defined roles during their marriage
    How the couple designed a parenting plan through mediation
    Why crafting a parenting plan was the easiest part of their divorce
    How the definition of ‘equitable distribution’ continues to evolve
    Why Barbara and Alan left mediation prior to a full resolution
    Barbara’s take on communication in process choice
    • Communicate with third party present in mediation
    • Supervised communication in case of collaboration
    • Communication done for you in litigation
    How a commencement of action set the tone for their division of assets
    What is involved in the equitable distribution of assets during a divorce
    Barbara and Alan’s differing views of their contributions to the economic partnership
    The need for a signed participation agreement to initiate the collaborative process
    Why Alan was willing to risk the associated legal fees for a greater share of their assets
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    23 min
  • The Child Specialist: Giving Children a Voice in the Divorce Process with Dr. Lauren Behrman
    Parents are often wary of the role of a child specialist in the divorce process. They don’t want to put their children in a difficult position, and the divorcing couple may be under the mistaken impression that the child specialist is there to do a forensic evaluation and make custody recommendations. Rather, it is the job of a child specialist to empower the children in the collaborative process, giving voice to their needs and concerns.
    Dr. Lauren Behrman is a clinical psychologist, child specialist, mediator, collaborative divorce professional and parent coordinator. She has offices in White Plains, Katonah and Midtown Manhattan, where she provides divorce services that include parent coordination, co-parent counseling, neutral child specialist and divorce coach in the collaborative setting. Working in private practice since 1985, Lauren has considerable professional experience in treating children and families of divorce. She is committed to helping families facing challenges and transitions in life and relationships.
    Today, Lauren sits down with Katherine to address the role of a child specialist, explaining how they serve to empower children in the divorce process. She shares her process in first establishing trust with both parents before meeting with the children to get a picture of what they are experiencing. Lauren speaks to the value of giving children a voice in the collaborative process and the common concerns that come up. Listen in for insight around lowering the level of conflict during the divorce process and learn why children from low-conflict divorced families do better than children in high-conflict families that remain intact.
    Topics Covered
    The misconceptions around the role of a child specialist
    How the child specialist empowers children in the collaborative process
    The child specialist’s initial communication to develop trust with parents
    • Meet in-person with both parties together, then individually
    • Discuss how to prepare children for process
    How Lauren addresses the children in her role as child specialist
    • Speak at developmental age, stage
    • Develop rapport (e.g.: hobbies, teams)
    • Get picture of what’s affecting children
    How Lauren reassures kids that their concerns will be presented in a neutral way
    How young adults are attuned to the dynamics of their parents’ marriage
    How to separate your own needs from the needs of your children
    The value of giving children a voice in the divorce process
    What questions children ask Lauren during the process
    Why nesting only works with low-conflict, mature parents
    Why divorcing parents should focus on lowering the level of conflict
    Connect with Dr. Lauren Behrman
    Lauren’s Website: http://laurenbehrmanphd.com/
    Call (914) 288-8428
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min

About Divorce Dialogues

From the publisher's feed

Divorce Dialogues helps people navigate divorce with dignity, clarity, and perspective. Through thoughtful conversations with experts and practitioners, the show explores the emotional, financial, legal, and relational realities of divorce, so listeners can make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and move forward with greater confidence.