Divorce Dialogues

Divorce is not just a legal process. It also involves an emotional detangling as well as a financial restructuring. Money can be a particularly stressful part of the process, especially as couples begin to consider whether they will be able to maintain the same standard of living now that they’re apart. If you have questions around cashflow, tax ramifications, assets or liability—a divorce financial planner is a good place to start.

Andy Samalin is a financial professional with 24-plus years of experience who has focused his practice on divorce financial planning through Samalin Investment Counsel and Samalin Divorce Finance. A graduate of New York University with a master’s in real estate finance, Andy is a Certified Financial Planner, an Enrolled Agent, and a federally licensed tax practitioner with the IRS. He is President of the Association of Divorce Financial Planners and the Founder and Chapter Leader of Second Saturday Westchester, a nonprofit that educates attendees about divorce.

Today, Andy joins Katherine to discuss Second Saturday, explaining how the organization provides unbiased advice from local financial, legal and mental health professionals. He addresses the role of a divorce financial planner in determining a feasible outcome that allows both parties to succeed. Andy offers insight on the ‘power of neutrality’ a divorce financial planner brings to the collaborative process and the ADFP’s work to establish protections for divorcing couples. Listen in to understand the anxiety around money when divorce is imminent and learn how to choose the right process for your family.

Topics Covered

How Second Saturday offers unbiased advice

Second Saturday’s interdisciplinary approach (legal, emotional and financial)

The gender-inclusive format of Second Saturday

The role of a divorce financial planner

• Unbundle economic unit

• Aggregate relevant data

• Determine feasible outcome

The power of neutrality a DFP brings to the collaborative process

The ADFP’s rules around compensation

Ensuring a divorce financial planner is unbiased and without agenda

The anxiety around money faced by divorcing couples

The process of choosing from among litigation, mediation and collaboration

Connect with Andy Samalin

Samalin Group: http://samalingroup.com/investment-counsel/

Call (914) 666-6600

Resources

Second Saturday: https://www.secondsaturday.com/

WIFE.org: https://www.wife.org/

Association of Divorce Financial Planners: https://www.divorceandfinance.org/default.aspx

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

No parent wants to hurt their children, yet the conflict dynamic that generally accompanies the divorce process can be very painful, particularly in a litigated case. Even parents with the best of intentions inadvertently engage in behaviors that seem innocuous to them—but cause their kids distress. The collaborative process seeks to approach divorce in a child-centered way, and the divorce coach is tasked with educating parents in how children experience divorce.

Micki McWade is an experienced collaborative divorce coach, psychotherapist and parent educator. She has been working in the space since 1993, when she designed the Twelve Step Divorce Recovery Group model. She continues to facilitate Twelve Step groups and teach Parents Apart classes, which help parents recognize and avoid the pitfalls of divorce for children. Micki has been on the faculty of several national conferences, and she serves as a trainer of basic and advanced collaborative practice. She is the author of four books about recovering from divorce and the collaborative process.

Today, Micki sits down with Katherine to discuss the role of the divorce coach in the collaborative process, explaining how she facilitates communication between the divorcing partners and helps them both feel heard and understood. She speaks to the child-centered nature of the process and offers insight around behaviors that hurt children during and after their parents’ divorce. Listen in for information about the 12-step recovery group Micki facilitates and learn how it supports people in transitioning to a new reality after divorce.

Topics Covered

The role of the divorce coach in the collaborative process

How the divorce coach reinterprets dialogue to reduce tension

How feeling heard and understood establishes trust

How mental health professionals in the collaborative setting put children first

Micki’s insight around behaviors that hurt children in the divorce process

The notion of parents as the ‘executive committee’

The value in learning to communicate with your ex in a constructive manner

How mediation and collaborative approach divorce in a child-centered way

Micki’s 12-step separation and divorce recovery group

• Support through ‘gateway to new reality’

• Move forward, overcome feelings of isolation

Connect with Micki McWade

Micki’s Website: http://thedivorcecoach.com/

Resources

Getting Up, Getting Over, Getting On: A Twelve Step Guide to Divorce Recovery by Micki McWade: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Up-Over-Divorce-Recovery/dp/146344768X

Daily Meditations: For Surviving a Breakup, Separation or Divorce by Micki McWade: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Up-Over-Divorce-Recovery/dp/146344768X

Healing You, Healing Me: A Divorce Group Leader’s Guide by Micki McWade: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-You-Me-Divorce-Leaders/dp/1891400657/ref=la_B001JP0SZM_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524707788&sr=1-3

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

As humans, we are wired to connect. So, if you are beginning to question your partner’s support, you are likely to feel a ‘primal panic’ that sets up a fight-or-flight response. Taking steps to repair the relationship early on can heal that disconnect, but many couples wait too long and find themselves trapped in a heightened conflict dynamic. How do you know when the bonds are too fractured to be fixed? What should you consider in making the difficult decision to divorce?

Ann Jackler is a psychotherapist specializing in individual and couples treatment. Her expertise is focused on issues related to premarital, marital, separation and divorce therapy, and she has led several separation and divorce psychotherapy support groups through the years. Ann has a master’s degree in social work and post-master’s training from the Ackerman Institute as well as the Family Institute of Westchester. She serves as an adjunct lecturer at the NYU School of Social Work and the Fordham School of Social Service. Ann has 30-plus years of experience in private practice, and her office is located in Scarsdale, New York.

Today, Ann sits down with Katherine to discuss the factors couples should consider in making the decision to divorce. She offers insight on the foundational issues that lead to disconnect in a relationship and explains why she invites couples to slow down before choosing divorce. Ann walks us through the components of a successful marriage and describes how a therapist can help you repair the fractured bonds or navigate the loss if you do make the decision to divorce. Listen in to understand the significance of exploring your relationship story and learn how the collaborative divorce option incorporates mental health professionals who provide support during this vulnerable time.

Topics Covered

What leads couples to make the decision to divorce

How a breakdown in communication leads to conflict

Ann’s insight on the disconnect between couples

1. Are you there for me?

2. Do my feelings matter to you?

3. Do you make me feel safe?

Why Ann invites couples to slow down before choosing divorce

How our ‘primal panic’ sets up a fight-or-flight response

The protective measures of blame, contempt, defensiveness and withdrawal

The components of a successful marriage

• Ability to negotiate differences

• Foundation of friendship, humor

The significance of seeking counseling as soon as the bonds begin to fracture

How the decision to divorce heightens a couple’s conflict dynamic

Examining your own participation in the breakdown of a relationship

How mental health professionals can support you in the divorce process

• Work through renegotiation of roles, new family structure

• Help grieve separation and loss

Connect with Ann Jackler

Call (914) 725-7985

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765