Divorce with Carolyn

If you've ever lain awake trapped in a thought loop or composing a message you'll never send, this conversation is for you. Journalist and copywriter Rachel Smith joins Carolyn to talk about what writing can do that talking can't. 

Rachel runs Letter To My Ex, a site where thousands of people around the world have written to the person who broke their heart, and she spent years as an anonymous advice columnist reading what heartbreak sounds like from the inside. 

Together they look at why closure is so hard to find, why the truth so rarely delivers it, and what actually helps – sitting with the feeling, giving grief a container, and getting the words out of your body and onto the page. You'll come away with prompts you can use tonight and permission to stop chasing an answer that may never arrive.

Key takeaways

• Closure and the truth aren't the same thing. As Rachel puts it, "in so many cases, they're just not gonna tell you really why they made that decision" – and when the truth does come, it often brings more questions rather than peace.
• Writing breaks the loop. When your thoughts are circling at 10pm, moving them onto the page gives you the perspective you can't find inside your own head.
• You don't have to journal every day to get the benefit. A ten to twenty minute feelings brain dump, when you need it, does more than a gratitude journal you resent.
• Give grief a container. Rachel's "five minute cry it out session" let her feel it fully, then get on with her day, rather than being ambushed by it hour after hour.
• Humour restores perspective – sweary colouring books, breakup cakes, a Tumblr full of other people's unsent love notes. Laughing at it is part of moving through it.
• What helps isn't more information about your ex. It's acceptance, sitting with the feelings, and finding out who you are again.
• Writing shows you your own patterns, including what you won't put up with next time. And if it isn't lifting after months or years, that's the signal to get professional support alongside the page.

Links from this episode

• Letter To My Ex – lettertomyex.com
• Rachel's List – rachelslist.com.au
• Rachel Smith's website – rachelsmith.com.au
•  Women's Divorce Academy membership - womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program

More support

• Relationships Australia – counselling and family dispute resolution: relationships.org.au
• Beyond Blue – free mental health support: beyondblue.org.au or 1300 22 4636
• 1800RESPECT – national domestic, family and sexual violence counselling: 1800respect.org.au or 1800 737 732

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Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

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Content warning: this episode discusses domestic and family violence, including deaths. There are links to support services below.

If you've sat at the kitchen table late at night working out whether you can afford to leave, this episode is for you.

You're not weak, and you're far from being the only one. New ABS figures put divorce near its lowest point since 1976 – in the middle of the worst cost of living stretch in a generation. That's not a sign more marriages are working. It's a sign fewer women can afford to leave.

In this episode, I talk through what leaving actually costs in 2026, answer the "just leave" argument doing the rounds at the moment, and finish with three practical places you can start. Free help exists and a lot of women don't know about it – I'll tell you where to look.

Support

In an emergency, call: 

• 000 (Australia) 
• 111 (New Zealand) 
• 999 (UK) 
• 911 (US and Canada) 
• 112 (Europe, and from your mobile in many other countries)

Domestic and family violence support

Australia: 

• 1800RESPECT, 1800 737 732, 24 hours. Text 0458 737 732 or chat at 1800respect.org.au Australia 
• 13YARN, 13 92 76, 24 hours, for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people 

New Zealand: 

• Women's Refuge Crisis Line, 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843), 24 hours 

UK: 

National Domestic Abuse Helpline, 0808 2000 247, 24 hours, free 

Ireland: 

Women's Aid, 1800 341 900, 24 hours, free, with support in over 240 languages 

US and Canada: 

• National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, 24 hours 
• Canada – find your nearest shelter at sheltersafe.ca

Anywhere else in the world: 

findahelpline.com is a vetted directory of crisis lines by country. Choose yours and it will show you what's available locally, in your language.

From WDA

Free guide: 5 Financial Mistakes Women Make in Divorce – and what to do instead. https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/free-5-financial-mistakes

Women's Divorce Academy membership – the full resource library covering property and settlement, the legal process in plain English, superannuation, parenting, work and wellbeing. $74 a month, cancel any time. Charges appear on your statement as Stellar Content Group. https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/wda-membership/

Free financial help

Australia – National Debt Helpline, 1800 007 007. Free, independent, confidential financial counselling.

Elsewhere, free financial counselling exists in most countries but goes by different names. Search "free financial counselling" or "free debt advice" plus your country – and look for a not-for-profit or government-funded service, not a company selling you a debt product.

Free legal help

Australia: 

Legal Aid operates in every state and territory, alongside Women's Legal Services and community legal centres. Many offer free initial family law advice.

Elsewhere, search "legal aid" or "free family law advice" plus your country or region. In many places a women's legal service or community legal centre will give you a first conversation at no cost.

Support for men

My work at Women's Divorce Academy supports women specifically but men experience domestic and family violence too, and there are services specifically for them.

Australia: 
MensLine Australia, 1300 78 99 78, 24 hours. Free professional counselling for men, including men experiencing family violence. 

UK: 

Men's Advice Line (Respect), 0808 801 0327. Free, and calls don't appear on itemised bills. 

US and Canada:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, supports people of all genders. 

Australia:
1800RESPECT, 1800 737 732, is open to anyone experiencing domestic, family or sexual violence. 

Elsewhere:

findahelpline.com will show you what's available in your country.

If you're a man concerned about your own behaviour towards a partner, please seek support. In Australia the Men's Referral Service is 1300 766 491.

Mentioned in this episode

The data in this episode is Australian, but the pattern isn't – if you're listening from somewhere else, the equivalent research and services in your country are worth looking up.

• Australian Femicide Watch, Sherele Moody's project through the RED HEART Movement – https://australianfemicidewatch.org and petition for a royal commission into femicide – https://australianfemicidewatch.org/campaigns/femicide-royal-commission/
• Leaving Violence Program – https://leavingviolenceprogram.org.au
• Anglicare Sydney, Cost of Leaving report 2026 – https://assets.anglicare.org.au/asset/52433ada-8ada-4ee4-b0bc-73a5c3d2bc9a/cost-of-leaving-report-2026.pdf
• ABS, Marriages and Divorces, Australia, 2025 – https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities/marriages-and-divorces-australia/latest-release
• University of Sydney, soaring house prices and divorce – https://www.sydney.edu.au/news-opinion/news/2025/07/15/soaring-house-prices-may-be-locking-people-into-marriages-new-research-shows.html
• ANROWS, the facts about intimate partner homicide – https://www.anrows.org.au/publication/domestic-and-family-violence-lethality-the-facts-about-intimate-partner-homicide-html/
• National Legal Aid (Australia), find your state or territory service – https://www.nationallegalaid.org
• Find A Helpline, crisis support directory by country – https://findahelpline.com

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

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This week, Carolyn sits down with Sharon Collon from The Functional Family to talk about parenting through separation when ADHD is part of the picture – whether that's your child's, your own, or both. 

Sharon breaks down why transitions between two households cost the ADHD brain more than our neurotypical cousins, and shares tools you can use straight away: a "circular to-do list" that gives kids a visual path back to safety, a family meeting format that runs over dinner instead of turning into a toilet-roll witch hunt, and a reframe of rejection sensitivity dysphoria. 

Carolyn and Sharon also talk about what happens when a child comes home dysregulated after time with the other parent, and how to build systems that hold up on your worst day – not just your best one.

Key takeaways

• Kids with ADHD often experience time as "now" and "not now" rather than a clear sequence – visual planners and wall calendars make transitions concrete.
• A "circular to-do list" gives kids a visual path back to the safety of home, rather than a string of instructions to remember.
• Family meetings work best short, low-pressure, and paired with an activity – like decorating pizza over dinner – rather than a serious sit-down.
• Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) means divorce is more likely to land as rejection – naming it takes some of the sting out, for kids and adults.
• Small, predictable anchors – a goodnight ritual, a private hug signal, a proper welcome home – do more for a child's sense of security than long conversations.
• If a child regularly comes home dysregulated after time at the other parent's house, build in decompression time first: food, quiet, low demands, no big questions.
• New systems need the child's buy-in, real simplicity, and around twelve weeks of consistent practice alongside a parent before they stick for an ADHD brain.
  
  

Links

• Free guide to talking to your children about your separation or divorce: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/free-what-to-say-to-your-kids
• Free training in September – The ADHD Family System – www.thefunctionalfamily.com/system

Further resources

• ADDitude – Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD, by William Dodson, M.D.

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

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Starting or rebuilding a business while your marriage is ending sounds like the worst possible timing – but for business mentor Karen Dennett, it was exactly when things started looking up. 

In this conversation, Karen and Carolyn talk about what it actually takes to build something of your own when you’re low on money, energy and self-belief. You’ll walk away knowing how to work out the lifestyle you want and cost it honestly, how to bootstrap lean without a fancy website, why passive income is possible but never as easy as Instagram promises, and how to keep going on the flat days. 

Most of all, you’ll hear why the right business friendships – women who get it and genuinely have your back – can make a massive difference.

Key takeaways

• Start with the life you want, then build the business to fit it – not the other way around. Cost your real lifestyle, then check it against your capacity and pricing.
• You can bootstrap from the ground up. A social media page and a simple way to book can be enough to begin – you don’t need the full bells-and-whistles website.
• Passive income is possible but not easy. It needs an audience who know, like and trust you – the content is the small part.
• If you need to take a job to pay the bills, take it. Financial safety helps you make better business decisions and calms the panic.
• Pausing is not quitting. You’re allowed to pause, pivot and try something different.
• Find business friends, not just networking contacts – women who understand both the work and the season you’re in.
• So many women underprice and over-deliver because they don’t yet see their own value. Naming your impact changes that.

Links and resources

Karen Dennett: https://www.karendennett.com/

Before You Agree to Anything – the financial toolkit for property settlement: https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/know-before-you-sign

The Separated Mother's Toolkit: https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/separated-mothers-toolkit/

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Charu Moorjani had everything she thought she was supposed to want. Married at 23, on the right life path, ticking all the boxes in the right order. But on day one of her honeymoon, her body gave her a message she couldn't ignore — she was admitted to ICU in Macau with Guillain-Barré syndrome, a life-threatening immune system disorder that left her on a ventilator for a month.

She went on to stay in the marriage for four more years. Until she couldn't.

In this episode, Charu shares about what it means to stop outsourcing your happiness, the difference between a scripted life and a lived one, and what she now calls "a softer kind of joy." We also get into self-trust, boundaries as a happiness practice, and why your body might know what your mind isn't ready to admit yet.

This one is for any woman who has ever built a life for an audience — and is starting to wonder what it might look like if she built it just for her instead.

In this episode:

• The "scripted life" – and why ticking boxes doesn't deliver happiness
• What Guillain-Barré syndrome on her honeymoon taught Charu about control, stillness and what actually matters
• Cultural and family pressure to conform – and how it silenced her
• What the early days of separation actually looked like, and why small routines saved her
• The confidence that came immediately after leaving – and why it surprised her
• A softer kind of joy – what it means and where happiness actually lives
• Boundaries as a happiness practice, not just self-protection
• Practising "no" in the mirror – and why it works
• Gratitude as a daily doorway to joy
• Values alignment – and why Carolyn gets every WDA member to do a values exercise first

Resources mentioned:

• Charu's book: The Happiness Pathway: When Life Unravels, Weave Yourself a Softer Kind of Joy — https://thehappinesspathway.com/shop
• Women's Divorce Academy membership: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program
• The link between stress and autoimmune disorders in women: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7292717/ 

Connect with Charu: https://www.instagram.com/thehappinesspathway/

Connect with Carolyn:
Instagram @womensdivorceacademy | womensdivorceacademy.com

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Angela knew her marriage was over long before either of them did anything about it. What followed – infidelity, separation, court proceedings, full-time sole parenting in a regional town on a very low income – was by any measure a brutal few years. What she built on the other side of it is extraordinary.

In this episode, Angela shares her story honestly and without filter — the dark days, the therapy (nearly two years of weekly sessions), the anxiety and depression she's open about, the boundaries she had to learn to hold, and the moment she stopped waiting for someone to save her and decided to save herself.

She's now a buyer's agent, and she brings all of that experience to this conversation.

We cover:

- What Angela's marriage breakdown really looked like – and the weight of holding it together for years before it ended

- How she got through the dark early days of separation

- The role of therapy and boundaries in rebuilding her life

- How she fell into a career as a buyer's agent and why it was the right fit

- What a buyer's agent does — and why the seller's agent is not working in your interest

- A woman who knows her numbers controls her future – what that actually means

- Credit card limits and car loans – how hidden debt affects your borrowing capacity

- The stepping stone property mindset for women rebuilding after divorce

- Why she took the word "just" out of her vocabulary – and why you should too

- Mental health, medication, and removing the shame from both

If you're wondering whether you'll ever be financially okay again – this episode is for you.

---
Links mentioned:

Financial clarity toolkit – https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/know-before-you-sign/

Angela's business Oasis Buyer's Agent – https://oasisbuyersagent.com.au/

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Download your FREE Child Support Paper Trail guide: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/child-support-paper-trail

If you've ever felt like the child support system isn't working — you're not imagining it. In this episode, I'm joined by Crystal Paduch, founder of Child Support Consultants and a former Services Australia child support caseworker, to talk through exactly how the system works, where it falls short, and what you can do about it.

We cover:

- Your two main options when you separate: binding child support agreement vs registering with Services Australia

- Why your ex saying "let's keep it friendly" might actually be a massive red flag

- What happens when a self-employed ex declares very little (or zero) income

- How to apply for a change of assessment and what evidence to provide

- The three-stage review process: change of assessment → objection → Administrative Review Tribunal

- The $2 billion in unpaid child support on the system and what the 2026–27 budget is doing about it

- What's changing from July 2027 that will help women share evidence more safely

I also share my own experience going through an objection process — and why it wore me out even as someone who works in this space.

Links mentioned in the podcast:

Child Support Consultants (Crystal Paduch's support service for parents): https://childsupportconsultants.com.au/

Services Australia Child Support online calculator: https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/child-support-estimator

Commonwealth Ombudsman report on the child support scheme (2024–25): https://www.ombudsman.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0022/318460/Weaponising-Child-Support-when-the-system-fails-families.pdf

Administrative Review Tribunal: https://www.art.gov.au

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Patricia left her marriage with a washing machine, a toddler, and a baby on the way - with no family nearby or government support - and built a life from there that she never thought possible. 

Patricia is the author of The Pleasure Lit Way, and in this episode she talks about leaving, rebuilding, and what it actually means to feel safe in your own body.

We talk about the domestic violence cycle Patricia lived inside for years, the moment she knew she had to leave, and how she went from feeling completely disconnected from her body to building a life around somatic pleasure. 

Key takeaways:
- The domestic violence cycle - honeymoon, tension, explosion, apology - tends to get worse over time, with the good periods getting shorter
- Safety in the nervous system has to come before pleasure - you can't access one without the other
- Somatic pleasure is about being present in everyday moments, not just intimacy
- A "pleasure menu" - a written list of small and big things that bring you joy - is a simple way to start reconnecting
- Letting yourself fully feel a difficult emotion, rather than suppressing it, can lead somewhere unexpected

Links mentioned:

- Download your own Pleasure Menu here
- The Pleasure Lit Way by Patricia
- Pleasurelit

Support resources:
This episode includes discussion of domestic violence. If you need support:
- 1800RESPECT (Australia) — 1800 737 732, available 24/7
- Lifeline Australia — 13 11 14
- If you're outside Australia, search for your local domestic violence helpline, or contact emergency services if you're in immediate danger

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Sarah Gallucci gave up her journalism career at 24, became the primary parent, and spent 13 years holding everything together in a marriage that looked fine from the outside. Her body knew it was over long before she did — she just kept overriding the signals.

In this conversation, Sarah talks about what it actually feels like to disappear inside a marriage, the $30,000 collaborative divorce that was slowly bleeding her dry, how she turned it around with a $4,000 mediation she came to absolutely prepared, and the slow, beautiful process of falling back in love with herself — through herbs, gardening, her Sicilian roots, and one Beyoncé lyric she held onto through all of it.

Key takeaways:

Your body is telling you something. Relief when your partner leaves the room, tension you carry everywhere, not being able to sleep next to them — that's not you being dramatic. That's information.

"He's a good person" isn't always enough. Not being seen, carrying the whole mental load, having your needs constantly minimised — these things erode a marriage just as surely as the more obvious stuff.

Collaborative divorce only works if both people are actually collaborating. If you're the one keeping things nice while the other person takes advantage of the softness, it will cost you.

Come to mediation prepared. Know your numbers, know what you deserve and why. Sarah walked in with statistics and a clear position — and it changed everything.

Staying together for the kids isn't the protection we think it is. Children are more harmed by living in a high-conflict household than by their parents separating.

Recovery takes longer than anyone tells you — and that's okay. It was three and a half years before Sarah felt truly grounded. Be patient with yourself.

Links mentioned:

Join Women's Divorce Academy program Separation Triage - DM "Triage" to us on Instagram @womensdivorceacademy or email hello@womensdivorceacademy for more details

Laid: A Memoir of Love, Sex, and Marriage by Sarah Gallucci

To Be Magnetic — https://tobemagnetic.com (the journaling and manifestation work Sarah credits with helping her get clarity)

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Trigger warning: This episode contains discussion of domestic and family violence, including coercive controlling behaviour. Support is available - links below.

Ex-detective Anthony Macklin has seen it all – burner phones hidden behind lounge furniture, spy apps that disappear from your screen but keep recording, tracking devices in children's teddy bears. In this episode, he breaks down how surveillance and stalking happen during separation, the signs to watch for, what Australian law actually says, and the practical steps every woman should take to protect herself before and after leaving.

This is a conversation every woman going through separation needs to hear – especially if you think it could never happen to you.

Important: If you feel unsafe at any time, call 000 in Australia; 911 in the US, and 999 in the UK. (Call your local emergency number if you're outside of those areas.) It's better to feel foolish than it is to be even slightly at risk. That's what emergency services are for.

In this episode

• How common surveillance becomes during separation – and why it doesn't only happen in obviously controlling relationships
• The technology being used: spy apps, dash cams, vehicle tracking, burner phones, hidden cameras, and more
• The signs you might be being tracked (including signs that have nothing to do with technology)
• The "Trojan horse" — what to check when your kids come back from your ex's place
• What to do if you suspect your phone has been compromised
• What the law says about surveillance (and what is okay and not okay if you're keeping tabs of your ex)
• How to build a credible evidence record
• What to set up before you leave: safe devices, safe accounts, safe network
  
  Resources and support
• 1800RESPECT (national, 24/7): 1800 737 732; https://1800respect.org.au/
• Emergency: 000
• Anthony Macklin / Rampart Consulting: https://rampart.com.au/
• Services Australia (family payments, child care subsidy): servicesaustralia.gov.au

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!