Divorce with Carolyn

Psychologist Dr Marny Lishman on why being alone is an unexpected gift – and why the messy middle of healing does the real work.

Alone and lonely get treated as though they mean the same thing. They don't.

In this episode, I sit down with psychologist Dr Marny Lishman to talk about her new book, Only You: The Unexpected Gift of Being Alone.

We unpack why so many of us rush from one relationship straight into the next, what the messy middle of healing really asks of us, and how time alone reconnects you with the person you were before you started contorting yourself to fit someone else's life.

It's a warm, honest conversation about grief, growth, fixing your own toilet seat, and learning that a partner should be a bonus in a full life – never a gap to fill.

• Alone and lonely are not the same thing. You can feel deeply lonely inside a relationship, and content on your own.
• Grief often starts well before a relationship formally ends, which makes the ending slow and complicated.
• There's no set timeline for healing, but rushing into the next relationship tends to bury feelings that resurface later.
• The messy middle – unravelling who you were – is the part most people skip, and it's the part that does the real work.
• A good therapist holds space, challenges you, and hands you tools your friends can't.
• Once the stress settles, your brain starts telling you what you actually need – which might be your career, a hobby or an unlived life, not dating.
• Doing hard, practical things, from fixing the toilet seat to a trip to Bunnings, builds real capability and self-trust.
• Travelling alone, journaling and reading other people's real stories help you hear your own voice again.
• A partner should add to a full life, not fill a gap in an empty one. Complete yourself first.
• You're not alone in being alone. Plenty of people have come out the other side better off.

• Only You: The Unexpected Gift of Being Alone – https://www.marnylishman.com.au/books
• Dr Marny Lishman – https://www.marnylishman.com.au/

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Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

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Ten years ago, Carrie left a 16-year marriage. She had three young daughters, no certainty about what came next, and a question she couldn't shake: Am I allowed to do this?

Ten years on, her daughters have told her they're glad she left. And she describes her post-divorce life as her best years. In this conversation, Carrie shares the moment she knew, the financial mistakes she wishes she'd avoided, the co-parenting reframe that changed everything, and what life after divorce actually looks like when you come out the other side.

Key takeaways:

• The exhale moment is information. If life feels measurably easier when your partner isn't there, that feeling is worth paying attention to.
• Superannuation must be requested – it will not be offered automatically. If you took time out of the workforce to raise children, you are likely entitled to a share of your partner's super.
• One hour with a family law specialist before you agree to anything can change everything. Carrie paid around $200 and walked away knowing her position.
• Stop trying to be friends with someone who isn't capable of it. The reframe that works: polite business partner. Civil, boundaried, strictly about the kids.
• Your children are watching – and they notice when the tension lifts.

Links mentioned:

• Before You Agree to Anything toolkit —https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/know-before-you-sign/

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

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Your divorce doesn't have to become trauma. That's not a platitude – it's something somatic therapist Natalia Rachel can explain precisely, and it changes everything about how you approach recovery.

Natalia draws a clear line between distress – what's happening to you right now – and trauma, which is what happens when a past experience of threat keeps living in you long after it's over. The difference comes down to one thing: whether you had safe, supportive people around you while you were going through it.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why rage is not your enemy – and how expressing it safely transforms it into power
• What somatic therapy actually is, and how to start gently without it feeling overwhelming
• Why your nervous system is wiser than you think about the timing of your own healing
• How to date again after divorce without falling into the traps that keep women stuck

Natalia speaks from both clinical expertise and lived experience – she went through her own divorce nearly nine years ago while living as an expat in Singapore with a company to run and two young children. She knows this territory from the inside.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

About Natalia Rachel

• Website: nataliarachel.com
• Instagram: @natalia_rachel_change
• Book — Why Am I Like This?: penguin.com.au
• The Felt Sense — free somatic meditations on Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/12eafp2M1ldBk4qsSeKBaG

Resources mentioned

• Gottman Institute Feelings Wheel: gottman.com
• APS Find a Psychologist: psychology.org.au
  
  If you need support
  • Beyond Blue: beyondblue.org.au — 1300 22 4636
  • Relationships Australia: relationships.org.au — 1300 364 277

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Building a support network during divorce isn't optional – it's infrastructure. In this conversation, Carolyn talks with her close friend Gillian about the real art of asking for help: why it feels so hard, how to do it practically, and who belongs in your support team – both personally and professionally. Gillian shares her own experience navigating an unexpected separation, building a network of friends, neighbours, and professionals, and why getting a lawyer and a psychologist on board early made all the difference. Honest, warm, and grounded in lived experience.

Key takeaways:

• Asking for help feels harder than receiving it – but the people around you want to help. Give them something specific to do.
• Your executive functioning is genuinely impaired during the early stages of separation. A support network isn't self-indulgent; it's necessary.
• Start with what's close: neighbours, school parents, and anyone with proximity to your daily life can help with practical logistics.
• Your professional team matters too – a lawyer, a psychologist, and your GP each play a distinct role, and getting them in place early is worth it.
• Not all support is equal – some people will fuss unhelpfully, others will bring judgment. Know who your trusted people are, and redirect the rest.
• Even a small network can grow quickly in acute emotional times. Friendships formed during this period are often among the most enduring.
• Building your support network isn't a luxury. It's the infrastructure that carries you through.

Helpful links:

Mental Health Treatment Plans (Australia): https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/mental-health-care-and-medicare

Coping with divorce (mental health tips): https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/coping-with-divorce-or-breakup

Women's Legal Service (Qld - google for similar services in your area): https://wlsq.org.au/

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Alyssa thought she'd married the love of her life. What she didn't know was that her husband had been deceiving her in almost every way imaginable - an affair, gambling debts, drug use, and lies that unravelled her entire sense of reality. When he told Alyssa he wanted a divorce, she was completely blindsided.

What followed was one of the hardest seasons of her life. Severe anxiety and depression. Months of barely functioning. And the slow, painful work of rebuilding herself from the ground up.

In this episode, Alyssa shares the real story of how she got through it - the therapy, the medication, the army of support, the comfort TV, and the one decision that changed everything. She talks about solo travel as a path to rediscovering herself, what she learned about trust and red flags when she started dating again, and how she went on to double her salary, remarry a genuinely kind man, and build a life she never could have imagined.

This is the episode to share with a friend who has just been blindsided. It's honest, it's warm, and it's living proof that the other side exists - and it's even better than you might have hoped. 

Links Mentioned

- G Adventures (group travel for solo travellers): gadventures.com

- Wi-Fi Tribe (remote work travel community): wifitribe.co

If You Need Mental Health Support Through A Tough Time Don't Hesitate To Contact:

- Beyond Blue - Anxiety and Depression Support (Australia): beyondblue.org.au

- Lifeline Australia (24/7 crisis support): lifeline.org.au

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

In this special episode, Carolyn is joined by her 21-year-old son Connor for an honest, warm, and sometimes confronting conversation about what it's really like to grow up through parental separation. Connor experienced two of Carolyn's separations – at age two and age twelve – and shares what helped, what didn't, and what he wishes had been done differently. An important listen for any parent worried about what divorce is doing to their children.

Key Takeaways

• Divorce is not inherently damaging – but children are far more perceptive than parents often realise. They can feel tension and unhappiness even without words for it.
• What children absorb from the relationship they witness matters. The dynamics they grow up around quietly shape their own relationship patterns.
• Consistency and communication – within your own home, and with your children – are the two most important factors in helping children through separation.
• Parallel parenting is a valid and supported option when co-parenting communication is difficult. Keeping an open channel with your children is what matters most.
• Listening to your children – even when it's uncomfortable – is more important than keeping up appearances of neutrality. They need to feel they aren't alone in their feelings.

Links and Resources Mentioned

• Women's Divorce Academy membership: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program
• Kids Helpline: kidshelp.com.au
• Raising Children Network: raisingchildren.net.au
• Australian Psychological Society — Find a Psychologist: psychology.org.au/find-a-psychologist
• Relationships Australia: relationships.org.au

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Ever stared at a pile of financial documents and felt completely out of your depth? Me too – but Julie Garis is here to help. Julie is a forensic accountant who specialises in helping women navigate the financial side of separation and property settlement. Julie has been through divorce herself – and she brings both professional expertise and lived experience to everything she does.

We cover what she actually does (and how it's different from what your lawyer does), the financial red flags to watch for, what to do if you suspect your ex isn't disclosing everything, and why 'fair' might not be the right thing to aim for – and what question to ask instead.

Key takeaways

• The earlier you get organised, the better. Arriving at your lawyer's office prepared (with a relationship timeline, asset list, and key financial documents) can save you significant legal fees.
• Business structures, crypto, undisclosed accounts and gambling are among the most common financial issues she encounters - and she shares what to do in those circumstances.
• 'Fair' is rarely how property settlement feels for either party. The better question is: can I live with this outcome?
• Financial clarity after settlement can be life-changing – many women discover their own competence with money for the first time.

Resources mentioned

• Julies' free First Steps: Financial Settlement Preparation checklist – https://www.simplesplitfinancials.com.au/checklist
• Naomi Holmes – women's financial literacy – listen to our podcast with Naomi in episode 1
• Women's Divorce Academy membership – womensdivorceacademy.com

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

If you're going through separation or divorce right now, this episode is for you. After seven years running Women's Divorce Academy and walking alongside over 800 women, I've seen the same 5 mistakes come up again and again – not because women aren't smart or capable, but because nobody tells them this stuff. In this episode I name each one clearly, explain why it happens, and share exactly what to do instead.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Getting independent legal advice early – even just one consultation – can change everything.
• Keeping things 'nice' is not the same as keeping things functional. You're allowed to have needs in this process.
• Equal and fair are not the same thing. 50/50 is not automatically the right outcome.
• Rushing to settle can cost you. Taking time to understand your situation leads to better decisions.
• Children are not primarily damaged by separation – they're damaged by sustained conflict. Having at least one stable, loving parent is what matters most.

RESEARCH MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

• Amato, P.R. & Keith, B. (1991). Parental divorce and the well-being of children: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 110(1), 26–46.
• Arcangeli et al. (2024). Does Time Heal All Wounds? Journal of Happiness Studies. University of South Australia & University of Adelaide. doi.org/10.1007/s10902-024-00853-5
• Clark & Georgellis, Kingston University London — 20-year longitudinal study, 10,000 participants.

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Carolyn speaks with clinical nutritionist Susie Allen about what divorce and chronic stress actually do to your body – and what you can do about it. Susie draws on her own experience of two divorces and her clinical work to explain how the nervous system responds to prolonged pressure, why so many women find themselves wired but exhausted, and how simple nutritional choices can help break that cycle.

We talk about adrenaline and fight-or-flight, the gut-brain axis, protein at breakfast, resistant starch (and how potatoes can actually be your friend OMG), sleep disruption, alcohol, and quick meals for when you're running on empty.

Key takeaways

• Running on adrenaline depletes magnesium, B vitamins, and the building blocks for key neurotransmitters
• Protein at breakfast – within 30 to 60 minutes of waking, before coffee – sends a safety signal to your nervous system
• Cooking potatoes, rice, and pasta the day before and refrigerating overnight converts them to resistant starch – better for your gut and absorbed differently
• Late-night sugar and alcohol spike cortisol, disrupting sleep and contributing to the 3am wake-up (booooo!)
• Morning sunlight triggers the melatonin cycle and supports better evening sleep

Guest

Susie Allen — Nutritionist, Your Vitality Nutrition

• Website: www.yourvitalitynutrition.com.au
• Instagram & Facebook: @yourvitalitynutrition
• Ebook: Suddenly Single: https://yourvitalitynutrition.thrivecart.com/suddenly-single-ebook/

Resources mentioned

• Susie's ebook: Suddenly Single – https://yourvitalitynutrition.thrivecart.com/suddenly-single-ebook/ (or FREE inside the Women's Divorce Academy membership – www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program)
• Wholesomeness (Queensland, Northern NSW, Sydney, Melbourne) – wholesomeness.com.au
• Youfoodz – https://www.youfoodz.com/

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

If you've ever felt completely wired at 2am, unable to make decisions, or like you're operating purely on adrenaline – this episode is for you.

I'm joined by my brilliant friend Danielle Colley – integrative life coach and author, and someone who has walked this divorce road herself – to talk about what's actually happening to your nervous system during separation, why sleep feels impossible, how to parent through the fog, and what consistently moves women from survival mode to steadier ground.

Key Takeaways

• Your nervous system responds to divorce as though it's life-threatening danger because uncertainty activates the threat response
• Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are all normal responses to separation stress
• Sleep disruption happens because your brain has nothing to do at night but worry – cortisol and adrenaline don't know it's bedtime
• The 'brain soup' technique – simply writing down everything in your head – can significantly reduce overnight spiralling
• You don't have to pretend to be fine in front of your children; age-appropriate honesty often brings you closer together
• Signs that you may need additional support: disengagement, inability to get out of bed, prolonged numbness or heightened emotion
• Three daily practices that move the needle: consistent sleep, a gratitude practice, and regular moments of pause
• Breathwork, somatic therapy, and EMDR can all help when talk therapy isn't enough
• The question 'What do I want?' eventually becomes available – and it's worth having a list ready when it does

Resources Mentioned

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 — lifeline.org.au
• 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 — 1800respect.org.au
• Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277 — relationships.org.au
• Martin Seligman's gratitude research — positivepsychology.com

About Danielle Colley

Danielle Colley is an integrative life coach and author who works with women navigating major life transitions. She brings both professional training and personal lived experience to her work. You can find her at https://daniellecolley.com.au/

Send Carolyn a text

READY FOR MORE SUPPORT?

Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through.

Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy 

Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!