Doctor Me First with Errin Weisman DO

Have you ever felt like you need to do more or be more for others even when it hurts you? That feeling is a sign that you may have a martyr complex. Many people in service positions do. It's one of the qualities that drives us to service in the first place, but it's time to overcome it.

I did quite a bit of research on this prior to recording this episode because I was fascinated. In a lot of ways martyr complex and victim mentality overlap but they are, in fact, quite different. A victim doesn't believe they have a way out and that their decisions have been taken from them.

A martyr makes a decision to put others before themselves in all things.

So how do you overcome the need to martyr yourself? Here are the four steps I think you should take:

1. Communicate
2. Set proper boundaries
3. Practice self-compassion
4. Make time for your own care

Listen in to hear all of my tips and advice and let me know, is there anything I missed? As I was sharing information about the martyr complex, did you identify with it at all?

"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm." Dr. Errin Weisman

In this episode:

[01:49] I share the definition of martyr complex.

[04:05] I discuss what I found when I researched this.

[06:40] Martyr complex can get deeply embedded into our lives.

[09:39] The first step to overcoming the martyr complex is communication.

[11:42] Setting boundaries is overcoming tip number two.

[14:01] Tip number three is self-compassion.

[16:12] #4, make time for your own care.

[18:25] Thank you for listening!

Links and Resources

Burntout to Badass

3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.
3. Sit with me in my Slack Channel.

The mean girl in your head needs to take a time out! I know I've talked about her before, but this time I want to talk about one thing in particular. You are NOT lazy! This is how to stop saying it to yourself!

I don't know about you, but I've definitely been mean to myself plenty of times in order to find the motivation to do something. The problem is, that being mean to yourself consistently over time becomes toxic.

Instead of your mean thoughts staying in your head, they become what filters out of your mouth. I didn't want to be that person, so I started learning the ways of being self-compassionate.

Before you practice self-compassion, you need to be aware of when you're being less than nice to yourself. When are you most likely to be at your meanest? Is it when you're hungry? Tired? On your period? These are good things to know so that you can catch yourself before you get into a full blown rage!

Next, try to soften the voice that's in your head. Take it to task like you would your three year old. Let it know that you don't want to hear those kinds of words and that it needs to find a nicer way to express itself.

Then try reframing your inner critic in a more positive way. Reframing is a great way to gain perspective in different situations as well.

Listen in to hear all of my tips and advice. Don't forget, if this is something you struggle with, consider getting your own copy of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff. She's amazing!

"Changing how you talk to yourself will ultimately affect the long term way with how you interact with yourself." Dr. Errin Weisman

In this episode:

[02:15] You don't have to be mean to yourself to be successful.

[03:20] Sometimes the mean girl in my head comes out of my mouth and that's not who I want to be in life.

[03:56] The first step when you are giving yourself compassion is awareness.

[07: 50] Step two is to make an active effort to soften the mean voice in your head.

[09:11] Three is reframing that inner critic in a more positive way.

[12:25] I share some ways to help elevate your mood

[13:26] Change the scenery, schedule it and delegate it.

[15:33] Thank you for listening.

Links and Resources

Dr. Kristin Neff

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

Episode 308 - Fierce Self-Compassion with Kristin Neff

3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.
3. Sit with me in my Slack Channel.

If you've been listening to this podcast for any amount of time, you know that I'm 100% on the self compassion train. We need to talk to ourselves better. We need to have kinder words for ourselves. We also need to give ourselves more grace. Listen as I share more about anxiety, kindness, and what they have to do with your mental to-do list!

So recently I read an article, and essentially it's all about positive self talk and sitting in self-compassion. I loved it. So many amazing things were said in the article. (Listen in to hear my favorite parts!)

But it got me thinking, how can we better add kindness into our daily lives? Practicing gratitude for ourselves and others is so important, but so is showing true kindness. Oftentimes it's easy to show kindness to others, but do you show it to yourself?

One of the ways I'm showing myself kindness is letting go of my perfectionistic tendencies and shortening my to-do list. I used to write an entire page of things I needed to get done each day. Do you know how impossible that is? Now I only give myself a sticky note.

If it doesn't fit, oh well!

I'm curious, where can you start showing yourself compassion in your life and career?

"I think it's important that we talk to ourselves as we would talk to our dog, our children, or our very favorite friend. Because how we talk to ourselves is going to be how we talk to other people." Dr. Errin Weisman

In this episode:

[01:06] I start by sharing an article I loved from a magazine I just read.

[03:36] I love reading the things she says to herself.

[05:00] We need to learn to think of ourselves in a kind way.

[05:31] I share some ways to add more kindness to your life.

[06:39] Now let's discuss the mental to-do list.

[07:31] I talk about some tricks I've learned to handle your mental to-do list.

[07:44] Remind yourself that you are human and you won't get everything done today.

[11:23] Re-adjust your expectations

[11:50] Value over volume is more important to me.

[12:28] Help is always available to you!

[13:08] Thank you for listening!

Links and Resources

Sylvia Boorstein Books

Happiness Is An Inside Job

Pay Attention For Goodness' Sake: The Buddist Path To Kindness

It's Easier Than You Think: The Buddist Way To Happiness

3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.
3. Sit with me in my Slack Channel.

You ever need a butt slap or some encouragement when you're down? I mean honestly, we all do. Which is why I love my little one liners when you need a pick-me-up. Listen in as I share the favorites from the original OBs and my list for this year.

So like I said, last year I went to the original badasses and asked them which of my sayings were their favorite. It was all about the Errin Sass, but in so many cases, they're the things we need to hear day in and day out.

1. No is a complete sentence.
2. Let them be mad.
3. I define my labels and I can change them whatever I want.
4. Enoughness comes from within. 6. It can be easy.
5. Don't ask for permission. I already have it.
6. Not all my thoughts are truth.
7. If it feels personal, it's not personal.
8. There are no rules.
9. I do what I want.

But this was last year's list. Listen in to hear how I'm updating it for this year. You'll notice some common themes but I definitely added in a few new goodies.

Which one are you writing on a sticky note to keep near you at all times?

"Work is my drug, so rest is my detox." Dr. Errin Weisman

In this episode:

[01:08] We are discussing last year's quick one-liners and I've added on a few new ones.

[01:57] Listen as I share last year's quick 10 Errin sass sayings.

[02:59] Here is the new and improved 2022 edition.

[04:01] "It's okay to be flexible and to bend a little bit."

[04:27] Thank you for listening!

Links and Resources 3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.

Sit with me in my Slack Channel.

As I'm recording this I'm planning to be completely off for a week and I am all for it. As I get ready for vacation, I like to take time to reflect, and today we're diving deep. Listen as I share some of the random thoughts that have come up for me as I prep for vacay!

So first, I have a saying that I love because of how true it is. No one is coming to save you. You got yourself here and you can and will get yourself out. Step out of victim mode and allow yourself to come up with the solutions you need.

Second, have you ever noticed that the things you don't want to talk about or visit are the things you really need to confront head on? We avoid the heaviest things but that's a recipe for ongoing disaster. Instead, take those issues by the horns and get the clarity and help you need.

Last, mental health is really the crux of it. Your mental health is reflected in how you approach problems and the things that you avoid. Taking a vacation may be just the thing you need to get past the issues that are haunting you. If for no other reason than giving yourself the space to dig in and get clear on what help you need.

A vacation is not the solution to burnout, but it's definitely a great way to take a pause and figure out what is truly driving your burnout. Listen in to learn more.

"Problems have victims, challenges have survivors" Dr. Errin Weisman

In this episode:

[01:50] I have a bunch of notes in front of me for this pre-vacay episode.

[02:50] "No one is coming to save you."

[04:24] If you dread going to work, ask for help.

[06:20] My second random thought that I have had is that the last place you want to go might be the one place you need to explore.

[08:40] I share some resources for mental health.

[11:57] I talk about a book I recommend.

[14:09] Relationships are self-care.

[15:10] Thank you for listening!

Links and Resources

Physician Mental Health

Physician Support Hotline 1-888-409-0141

Episode 182: The System is Designed for Female Physicians to Fail with Dr. Nicole Washington

The Least of Us: True Tales of America and Hope in the Time of Fentanyl and Meth by Sam Quinones

Burntout to Badass

3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.
3. Sit with me in my Slack Channel.

How do you want to feel every morning when you wake up? If you think light and full of energy, then you're in good company. Liz Pearce joins me to chat about why she loves the word buoyancy and what it's like being retired from her practice.

Burnout hit her like a ton of bricks. It took her taking time away and really digging deep to realize that she wasn't living a life aligned with her values. After doing the work, she realized that she could figure a way out of medicine and that she needed to.

The things that have gotten you here aren't necessarily bad things because they helped you get to where you're at. But if those things are no longer serving you, give yourself permission to bless and release them.

One of the things that really helped her envision herself after burnout was imagining her favorite place, which is the water. She kept imagining the buoy and how it just bobs up and down and it perseveres. Then she realized that's how she felt when she was younger.

She felt buoyant and that was her dream.

Now it's her reality.

Listen in to hear her story and why she's so happy with where her journey has taken her.

"You can't make chicken soup out of chicken poop." Dr. Liz Pearce

In this episode:

[01:26] Welcome to the show, Dr. Liz Pearce!

[03:43] Learn about her background and all the things.

[06:10] Dr. Pearce took a leave from her clinical job and she had to work at not being productive.

[08:02] The hardest part of leave for her was reminding herself that she didn't need to get a hundred things done.

[09:49] She talks about what she learned about herself and her life during the leave.

[12:09] She shares the moment she knew she needed to resign from her job.

[14:12] Dr. Pearce discusses what her brain was telling her when making the decision to quit.

[18:44] Listen as Dr. Pearce speaks about why she picked the word buoyancy.

[23:35] She now realizes she is in control of her life, no one is going to save her.

[27:00] She talks about not listening to her intuition and how right it was.

[28:23] She talks about some things she wants the listeners to take away from her experience.

[31:49] Thank you for being on the show!

Links and Resources

Burntout to Badass

3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.
3. Sit with me in my Slack Channel.

You didn't get burned out in three months, so it's not going to be cleaned up in three months. Change takes time. For many of us, the tendency toward burnout is fueled by inherent qualities in us. Not that these qualities are bad, but we have work to do to recognize when they push us too far.

Listen to this Career Change Masterclass I did for one of our Burnout Masterclass Series training sessions.

See, no matter where you go, no matter what job you're in, you take yourself there. So if you haven't done the work to get to know yourself and your needs, you're not going to find fulfillment in any job you take.

There's definitely a balance to seek though. You don't want to try to run too fast away from your situation, but you do have to make decisions. You can't stay in a job that drains your life away all day every day, but making the decision to leave needs to be well thought out and researched.

Listen as I share my tips and tricks for approaching your next career change.

"If you are running away from something, you will run towards anything." Errin Weisman

In this episode:

[01:35] We are talking about career changes today.

[02:22] Let's start with time expectations.

[05:00] It's usually somewhere between one and three years to make a well-grounded decision.

[08:16] I always ask people what the breakdown percentage is of whether they are running away from something or running towards something.

[08:50] I share why people act too slow when changing careers.

[13:34] Complete this homework.

[16:59] Networking is an important tool when looking to change careers.

[18:58] Support and community are also important things to have during the transition.

[20:46] Professional help from a great attorney to childcare.

[23:01] The fourth thing you need is personal development.

[24:21] Listen as I share some success stories.

[27:39] Get in the Badass Slack group if you need more help.

[28:19] Thank you for listening!

Links and Resources 3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.
3. Sit with me in my Slack Channel.

We all already know it. Doctoral medicine is a male-dominated profession. Maybe not medicine as a whole, but in the realm of physicians? Yes. Giselle Aerni, MD, is a Sports Medicine Physician knows this better than most and has created a business designed to help women in medicine shift their identity.

She founded Madam Athlete to help inspire and empower women working in male dominated fields to own their expertise and navigate challenging situations.

It's draining to always work in a field that doesn't have a clear representation of who you are and your experiences. It's frustrating being a different voice in a room full of people inclined to think in one certain way.

Who do you go to when you want to celebrate a new accomplishment or you need to vent about the status quo? For women in athletics, Madam Athlete is the community for you.

Listen as Giselle and I chat about her experiences and why she's passionate about the field of athletics. We talk all about how, for physicians in particular, our identities are wrapped up in being a doctor. The white coat defines who we are and that's a one way ticket to burnout.

This episode is a bit longer than normal but it's totally worth it.

"If you know your mission, vision, and values, and you know who you are and you know your identity then you can start to set goals to get after your mission, vision, and values." Dr. Giselle Aerni

In this episode:

[01:20] Welcome to the show, Dr. Giselle Aerni!

[01:30] She shares about herself and the magic she is putting out in the world.

[04:03] They talk about how the path to medicine is a railroad track.

[08:00] We talk about what motivates us to keep going.

[09:58] Listen as Giselle discusses why she picked the word identity.

[12:55] She speaks about the processes she went through to find her identity today.

[17:17] I share my identity journey.

[19:41] Your physician identity is not one-dimensional.

[23:02] "Change happens."

[26:01] No matter where you go you always know whether you are running away from something or running to something.

[27:21] Giselle talks about the logical levels of change.

[29:24] Make sure you talk to your husband or significant other about the changes you want to make.

[32:34] She discusses the Madam Athlete podcast, her community, and the courses she built.

[39:36] Thank you so much for being on the show!

Links and Resources

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Dilts' Logical Levels

Find Giselle:

Madam Athlete

Podcast

Courses

Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.
3. Sit with me in my Slack Channel.

I am not the quit coach. I am not the stay coach. I'm the coach who is going to help you figure out the best next move for you! Career change is an important topic and it has been our theme for this first part of the year. Listen in as I share my thoughts and advice for when to consider a career change.

Recently an awesome listener wrote in asking about just this topic. She was in a toxic work environment and then changed jobs and six months in, she's right back to feeling like she made the wrong choice.

Her question and situation got me thinking about career change in a whole new way. What is really behind our need to change our career situation?

Let's rip off the bandaid and name the elephant in the room. The biggest factor in deciding whether or not to change careers is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the known. Fear of insecurity. Fear of loss. Heck fear of change.

Here's the deal. Fear exists to tell you something. It's trying to get you to look at situations in a different way. Instead of locking the fear monster in the closet, it's time to sit down and chat with your fear.

Hit some buttons there? Listen in to hear all of my thoughts about fear and the logical levels of change. A new structure to process changes as created by Robert Dilts.

In the middle of it? If you reached the "not this phase" it's time to ask yourself, "then what?" If you can't stay where you're at right now, then you need to investigate what you would do instead.

"A diagnosis is a suggestion, a hypothesis, in the 'then what' stage." Dr. Errin Weisman

In this episode:

[01:32] Got some listener love and a question to share.

[02:53] I share some thoughts for the listener.

[06:54] The first thing you should face when thinking of making changes is fear.

[09:30] Ask yourself if you have gotten yourself to the "then what" phase.

[12:07] Think about who you have around you that you can talk to.

[15:55] Learn about the logical levels of change. The bottom level is your environment.

[16:17] Behavior is the next layer.

[16:32] Capability or competency is the third layer.

[16:55] The fourth layer is values and beliefs.

[17:16] Identity is the next level.

[17:24] The top level is purpose or spirit.

[18:38] Remember you are not doing anything wrong by considering a change.

[19:42] YOU get to choose.

Links and Resources

Episode 273 - How to Quit Your Job (almost) Guilt-Free

Episode 311: Solocast - Work is My Drug (The Work Addiction Series - PartI)

Episode 313: Solocast - Work is My Drug (The Work Addiction Series - Part II)

Episode 317: Solocast - Work is My Drug (The Work Addiction Series - Part III)

Episode 319: Solocast - Work is My Drug (The Work Addiction Series - Part IV)

Episode 321: Solocast - A Job That Fits My Ass (The Work Addiction Series)

Episode 323: Solocast - Work is My Drug (The Work Addiction Series - Part V)

Episode 325: Solocast - Work is My Drug (The Work Addiction Series - Part VI)

Dilts' Logical Levels

3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.
3. Sit with me in my Slack Channel.

Being present when you're dealing with grief or loss is definitely not easy. However, when you're able to be present and allow yourself to feel all the feelings while creating strong coping mechanisms and an even stronger community, you'll be that much better for it.

Amy Pelkey experienced pregnancy loss and had to deliver her precious baby at the hospital she worked in.

This made returning to her anesthesia practice after maternity leave even harder.

Despite being surrounded by many supportive people. But she felt the most peace and solace when stepping onto her yoga mat or quieting her mind in meditation practice. This helped her cope and create a new norm after loss.

Amy is now helping other providers in the field of medicine through their own loss and grief in her Pause to Remember community. She is offering mindfulness practices to help women in healthcare carry the weight of their grief after losing their baby.

"This moment is a gift. Take it as it is and then just take the next moment and the next moment." Amy Pelkey

In this episode:

[01:35] Welcome to the show, Amy!

[01:49] She shares who she is and why she does what she does.

[02:33] Amy shares the personal experience that led her to create Pause to Remember.

[06:15] She speaks about the triggers she and other women face every day.

[07:48] Listen as she explains why she picked the word present.

[08:57] What helps bring her back to the present when she gets overwhelmed.

[11:33] "I think it's an act of bravery to reach out and ask for help."

[13:48] Amy discusses the most common things she hears from clients she works with.

[15:29] She shares some ways you can connect with her.

[16:30] Thank you so much for being on the show!

Links and Resources Find Amy:

Pause to Remember

Blog

Instagram | Facebook

3 WAYS TO GET INCREDIBLE HELP AT A LOW COST!!!

1. Buy my Kindle Book,Doctor Me First, on Amazon
2. Join us for our Monthly Burnout Masterclass Series.
3. Sit with me in my Slack Channel.