Simone is awarded VIP handicapped pregnant lady parking, Stephy found a new horribly wonderful movie in the realm of "The Room," and we wonder how much latent misogyny we just automatically accept.

Simone is furious with all the idiotic Amazon reviews, Stephy wants to balance kindness with anger in regards to feminism, and The Onion helps us process childhood balloon-losing trauma.

Stephy has chronically misplaced logic, Simone was rewarded for being rear-ended, and we both wake up looking forward to naps.

Simone got rear-ended, Stephy encountered her longtime stalker, and we talk about the Onion c-word tweet.

Simone overcomes the adversity of pronouncing American R's, Stephy got a dentist's boob all to herself, and the politics of Valentine's evil are discussed.

Stephanie made a bunch of people mad by saying a very very very baaaaaad word, Simone wrote a disgruntled letter to an irresponsible chocolatier, and together we measured our dongs using the Condom Size app.

Simone’s behind-the-scenes of an infomercial she appeared in, Stephy’s art of calling in sick to work, and becoming vegetarian.

Simone’s trash celebrity boycott, Stephy’s breathless emails from captivity, and a bar with a giant whale dong.

Simone makes a giant dong-centric announcement, the ladies engage in cognitive behavioral therapy, and Stephy is hit on by someone wheeling around his own urine.

Simone rescues kittens from her demented neighbor, Stephy pissed off Mars Hill Church some more, and Singing In The Rain is really good, goddammit.